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Summary
In third year, Hermione Granger punches Draco Malfoy.
He retaliates by stealing her first kiss.
Somehow it doesn't end there.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 75,768
- Chapters:
- 11/11
- Collections:
- 18
- Comments:
- 1,053
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- 13,127
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Bookmarked by blankcheck18
25 May 2026
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Summary
“In my humble opinion there’s only three things that men should be and that is bloody, slutty, and pathetic.” And, on a good day, Draco Malfoy can be all three.
When war heroine Hermione Granger and Azkaban-tattooed war criminal Draco Malfoy are forced to wed as part of Shacklebolt’s controversial Reconciliation Act, they openly fight the match and each other—their public brawls breathlessly reported by the press.
Secretly, a deeply traumatized Draco delights in Hermione’s attention and pines for a real marriage with her—even as her forced proximity to the Black family magic irritates the cursed scar Bellatrix left on her arm, reminding her why she can never truly trust or forgive him. Then Hermione discovers that Draco’s blood will soothe the scar . . . and Draco is willing to trade his blood for her body.
(With post-war blood purity politics, black market potioneers, Pansy Parkinson’s career advice, the Malfoys blackmailing Hermione’s Wizengamot opposition, BDE Neville Longbottom hunting Death Eaters, a slutty Theo Nott serving as Draco’s right-hand man, and Crookshanks loose in Malfoy Manor.)
Series
- Part 1 of THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 195,969
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Comments:
- 7,481
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- 31,057
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- 12,320
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- 1,881,672
Bookmarked by blankcheck18
25 May 2026
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Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love by isthisselfcare
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
08 Apr 2022
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Hermione straddles the Muggle and Magical worlds as a medical researcher and Healer about to make a big discovery. Draco is an Auror assigned to protect her from forces unknown – to both of their displeasure.
Features hyper-competent, fiery Hermione and lazy, yet dangerous, Draco. Slow burn.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 199,548
- Chapters:
- 36/36
- Collections:
- 206
- Comments:
- 13,356
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- 100,134
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- 30,903
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- 5,429,409
Bookmarked by blankcheck18
23 May 2026
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"Oh come on Granger, don't be such a stick in the mud. Your precious Gryffindor ex isn't hesitating to string your heart out for everyone to see. He doesn't care that you are being humiliated. He doesn't care that everyone is spreading horrible rumors about you. All I'm suggesting is to give him a bit of his own back," he paused then, his voice going softer, suggestive. "I know you have it in you, I've seen you in action. Rita Skeeter, Umbridge, Me…you don't hesitate to serve it up when someone's got it coming. And he's got it coming Granger."
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 59,803
- Chapters:
- 23/23
- Collections:
- 18
- Comments:
- 1,207
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- 7,426
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- 2,022
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- 237,425
Bookmarked by blankcheck18
16 May 2026
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Summary
Control isn't the only thing Draco Malfoy has lost. But he will get it back. He will get everything back.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 426,554
- Chapters:
- 34/34
- Collections:
- 16
- Comments:
- 4,822
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- 8,515
- Bookmarks:
- 3,792
- Hits:
- 775,470
Bookmarked by blankcheck18
16 May 2026