Chapter Text
Better Halves
Selena
I’m rewatching step up and don’t tell Nicky but Channing Tatum could bend me over a table 🥵
Caitlin
OH MY GOD I’ve been waiting my entire life for someone to say this
Shane🩷
Isn’t he bald?
Selena
I mean not completely but kinda yes
But who cares about that when he has a face like that
Shane🩷
I don’t know
I think I would prefer my men to have hair
I think you mean man 😊
Shane🩷
I mean I’d prefer you to have hair too yes
But men in general too I guess
But I am the only man for you??
Selena
Wait Shane I don’t think we’ve ever asked what your type is
I think we all know 😉
Shane🩷
I don’t really have a type I think
Shane??
Caitlin
Wait we have to figure this out
Lisa
Ugh work is so boring
What are we up to?
Oh!
Wait we should play smash or pass
Selena
YES
Harris
I want to join in
We all know your type Harris
Harris
Yes my man is hot, but I still have eyes Ilya
Selena
That’s the spirit!
Caitlin
Smash or pass
Joseph Morgan
Wait who is this
Selena
Ugh so dreamy
Look him up
Smash 🤤
Lisa
Definitely smash
Harris
Not my type
Pass
I looked him up
He has blond curls just like me?
Pass
Shane🩷
Pass
Shane, is your type no?
You can say smash I will not get angry
Shane🩷
Still pass
I just don’t think he’s that attractive
Selena
I’m making you watch the vampire diaries with me so I can change your mind
Cassie
Hiii everyone
Oh!
I was watching Station 19 last night and there’s one firefighter that’s really hot
Lisa
Is that the spin off from Grey’s Anatomy?
Cassie
Yes!
Lisa
Let’s not talk about the medical accuracy of that show
Cassie
Okay the name of the actor is Jay Hayden
Caitlin
Pass
I will look him up again
Shane🩷
Objectively attractive
Pass
Harris
Pass
Troy next to me is saying smash though
He has dark hair and freckles
Pretty
Smash
Selena
Ohhhh Ilya has a type
I’m also going to say smash
Hmm so you also think Shane is hot?
Selena
No comment
Lisa
Idris Alba
Caitlin
Smash
Selena
Anyone who passes on him doesn’t have eyes
SMASH
Maybe bit old for me but I will say smash
Shane🩷
Smash
Cassie
100% smash
Harris
Smash
Troy also says smash
Barrett should find something else to do he is not WAG his opinion does not matter
Selena
Ilya 😭
Caitlin
I think we’ll survive
🙄
Harris
One of my personal favorites
Young Patrick Swayze
Lisa
Smash
Cassie
Hard choice but pass
Selena
100 times smash
Caitlin
Do you pass on anyone?
Selena
Do I need to?
I know this one
Shane is going to say smash to this one 🥰
Shane🩷
Pass
??
He kind of looks like me, no?
Shane🩷
He's just not my type
Probably because you only want to have sex with me 🥰
Shane🩷
Sure
???
Selena
Okaaaayyy
Circling back
Aaron Taylor Johnson
Shane🩷
Smash
??
Why??
Shane🩷
He’s hot
Lisa
I agree with Shane
Smash
Harris
If he gets rid of grandma?
Definitely smash
Selena
Harris 😂
Caitlin
He makes a valid point though
I would try and steal him away
I do not like this game anymore
Caitlin
Wait Ilya
How about young Keanu Reeves
Harris
Smash
Cassie
Pass
Shane🩷
Looks too much like me
Pass
Selena
Smash 😈
Cassie
Selena please 😂
I will say smash
Because he looks a bit like my Shane 🥰
Selena
Disgustingly cute
And expected
I am very down bad for my husband
Caitlin
And don’t we all know it
Selena
To this next one there is only one right answer
Hayden Christensen
Specifically as Anakin Skywalker
Caitlin
SMASHHLAFHFE🥵🥵
Cassie
Smash
Harris
SMASH 🤤
Lisa
On the bed on the floor on the kitchen counter on the sofa against the wall in the shower all night all day
Do I have to keep going?
Selena
I think we get it babe
And don’t we all agree 😏
Smash
Although he also looks a bit like me
Shane🩷
Pass
Shane?
You want to try again?
Shane🩷
No?
I think I know what my type is Ilya
I thought you said you did not have a type
Shane🩷
Hmm I don’t know I think I’m maybe finding out
What do you mean
Shane?
Am I not your type anymore?
Shane????????
Sweetheart, talk to me 🥰
Selena
🍿
Caitlin
Can I have some of that Selena?
Harris
OKAY before this escalates
Michael B Jordan
Selena
Smash
Caitlin
Of course
I’m gonna say pass though
Cassie
Smash 😍
Shane🩷
Smash
Pass
Shane?
Smash again?
Shane🩷
Have you seen him in Black Panther?
He was hot
Have YOU seen him in Black Panther?
Shane you have never watched this movie
Shane🩷
How would you know?
I watched it on the plane once
I think I would know
Because you would have talked to Hazy about this movie
But you never know what he is talking about
Shane🩷
Shit
Shane
Are you doing this on purpose?
Shane🩷
I don’t know what you’re talking about
Oh so your type is not me anymore it is all these other people
Selena
🍿
Caitlin
🍿
Harris
🍿
Lisa
🍿
Cassie
🍿
Shane🩷
I can think other people are attractive, Ilya
Yes
But you never think so
I am your only type
Maybe you would make exception for people who look like me
Shane🩷
I think you’re reading too much into this
Hmmm
Shane🩷
Doesn’t anyone have another celebrity???
Please?
Selena
Shane baby
I think you’ve been caught
Yes Shane
Do you want to tell the truth now?
Or do you want to get punished when you get home 😈
Shane🩷
ILYA WHAT THE FUCK??
I think that is what you want
Caitlin
OH
Oh 😏
Selena
Keep going
Lisa
Don’t stop on my account
Shane🩷
Ilya won't be saying anything else if he wants to get his dick wet ever again
Lisa
😂
Caitlin
Aaaaaand the leash tightens
🤐
Selena
We were finally getting the deeds 😔
Lisa
They always stop when it’s getting good
Harris
Surprising? No.
Disappointing? Slightly.
Caitlin
I must say I am kind of impressed by how Shane managed to fool everyone
Lisa
Ilya was getting stressed for a second there
Shane🩷
I wasn’t lying
Selena
Shane 😂
Shane🩷
I was maybe twisting the truth a bit
If Patrick Swayze wasn’t dead he would definitely be my hall pass
Caitlin
SHANE
Harris
I am impressed with your knowledge
I didn’t know you were aware what a hall pass was
Shane🩷
My best friend is an actress
She updated my vocabulary
What is hall pass?
Shane🩷
Nothing you need to know about 😊
Harris what does this mean
Harris
Shane I’m sorry
It’s giving your partner permission to sleep with this one person (their hall pass) if they ever met them
So if Shane ever met Patrick Swayze…
He would have sex with him???
Shane🩷
Only if he wanted it too!!!
You would want this???
Shane🩷
He is dead!
What if he was not
Shane🩷
But he’s not
It’s not a big deal
Is this normal?
Everyone has this?
Selena
Oh baby I have about 100 hall passes
Your Nicky is okay with this?
Selena
I mean I’m not giving him much of a choice
It’s not like I have a chance of meeting them
Cassie
I don’t have a hall pass
Neither does Zane
Lisa
Wyatt and I have shared hall passes
So like people we would invite as a third
Caitlin
Oh I like
Women or men?
Lisa
Both 🤷🏼♀️
Selena
Hot
You and Wyatt have threesomes?
Lisa
I mean… not yet?
Shane🩷
That’s kind of hot
Shane??
You would want threesomes?
Shane🩷
The idea is hot, but no
I don’t think I would want to share you
Not now that I finally have you to myself after all these years apart
My Shane 🥰😭
So romantic I will cry
Caitlin
Yeah yeah put the bar high for us again 🙄
Lisa
I’m almost regretting adding them to this chat if it wasn’t so sweet
We are perfect couple 🥰
Harris
It’s like that almost fight from ten minutes ago never happened
Centaurs 🐴💗
Very important question
Do all of you have a hall pass
And who is it
Hazy
Oh me and Lisa have multiple
Yes so I have heard
Bood
Really?
Me and Cass don’t really do that kind of thing
Dykstra
I don’t know
I don’t really have one I think
Chouinard
I don’t have one
Selena has a lot though
You are okay with that?
Chouinard
Yeah it’s not like she is ever going to meet them
You are not jealous?
Chouinard
Nah
Even if she did meet them I would still be going home to her at the end of the day, so…
You are a weird man
Hazy
Yes Roz we all know about your jealous tendencies
I do not have these
Barrett
I literally saw what happened in the WAG chat today
Barrett you need to keep your nose where it belongs
Dillon
No relationship so no hall pass
Yes we all know this
Very sad for you Dillon
Dillon
I was just saying
Okay question for the people IN RELATIONSHIPS
If you had to pick a hall pass who would it be
Dykstra
Difficult question but I think I have an answer
Hazy
Yes me too
Bood
You know, just one is actually not that hard to pick
Barrett
Mine has been ready and on my list for years
Chouinard
You know what I think we should just all say our person at the same time
Yes yes get on with it
Hazy
Shane Hollander
Bood
Shane Hollander
Barrett
Shane Hollander
Dykstra
Shane Hollander
Chouinard
Shane Hollander
Shane🩷
Guys…
What
No
This is not funny
Is serious?
Is joke right
Hazy
Tell me now that this is joke
All of you want to have sex with my husband???????
I will not allow it
Hazy
It’s just a hall pass
Bood
No big deal, right?
Next practice you will see how ‘no big deal’ it is
You will be doing so many drills until you sweat so much that all the sweat drips in your eyes and keeps dripping and you will get infection until your eyes do not work anymore and will fall out and you will have no eyes anymore to stare at MY HUSBAND
Shane Hollander is MY husband
Barrett
Dramatic
Hazy
I think I said something about jealous tendencies earlier…
You think is dramatic that I find out everyone wants to fuck MY HUSBAND
Shane🩷
Did you consider that maybe your husband only wants to be fucking you anyway?
I am tired
This is too much jealousy in one day
Shane🩷
You want me to come kiss it better?
Yes come here now 😘
Barrett
Yeah you can keep this out of here
You think so?
I think I need to publicly state my claim
Because all of you think you have a chance with MY husband Shane Hollander
Bood
We know who your husband is
Do you?
If you really knew Shane Hollander MY husband you would know that you would never ever have a chance with him
Hazy
WE GET IT
SHANE HOLLANDER IS YOUR HUSBAND
NO ONE ELSE CAN GET HIM
Now you are learning
Chouinard
It was just a joke Roz
You will still do drills until you fall down
Then you will see how ‘funny’ your joke is
Hazy
I’m seriously starting to wonder why we ever thought this was a good idea
Chouinard
I’m never listening to Selena again
Bood
Sure ‘Nicky’
Chouinard
Yeah who am I kidding
See you all tomorrow my husband Shane Hollander is home and we will now have sex that none of you will ever have 😈