Chapter Text
Ring ring
“Techno! Can you get your phone?” Wilbur yelled.
“That’s your phone, idiot.”
“Rude. Can you bring it over here?”
“No. Come get it.”
Ring ring
Wilbur groaned.
“Unknown number? Were you expecting a call?” Wilbur asked.
Techno hummed in thought, “No? Were you?”
“I don’t think so?”
Ring ring
“Maybe Phil lost his phone again and stole someone else’s. Wouldn’t hurt to pick it up.”
Wilbur shrugged as he glanced at the TV screen. Something about some newer supervillain getting arrested. He had a stupid name but he looked like he had potential. What a shame.
“You gonna pick that up?” Techno asked, “The ringing is getting on my nerves.”
Ring ring
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Wilbur hit the accept button on the call, “Hello?”
The other end of the phone was silent for a moment.
“Oh shit someone actually picked up.” The caller said, astonished.
“Uh- Who is this?”
___
Pause.
This is Tommy. Yes, yes, he’s very handsome and charismatic and humble. The humblest honestly.
He is also in jail.
Which is honestly so unfair.
All he did was set a couple of buildings on fire.
And in Tommy’s completely unbiased, correct opinion, they deserved it.
“Alright… Wife Haver. Despite being…” he paused and looked at Tommy, who was glaring at the man, “Whatever, you get one free phone call.”
That was another thing, these people despite knowing his civilian identity insisted on calling Tommy by his villain name. Which was okay with him cause it was funny but also a little bit rude because he has a name.
“You can’t just arrest me like this, dude. I’m a minor.”
“You’re a minor that has committed various atrocities against L’manburg!” The man exclaimed.
Tommy rolled his eyes, “Now you’re just making up words.”
“These are all real words! Do you want the phone call or not!?”
Tommy eyed the man and shrugged, “Sure.”
Now Tommy was at one of those old phones that are shaped like a banana on a curly wire.
Tommy’s never used a normal phone before, (unless you include that one time he pickpocketed a guy, took his phone and played angry birds until it died and he threw it in a river) let alone this curly wire bullshit.
Tommy glared at the numbers. He refused to ask for help from the police of all people.
So obviously he pressed random numbers.
Maybe someone would pick up and he could ask them to break him out of jail. Their reaction would be kinda funny.
Hey if he was lucky, he would dial a pizza place and order like four hundred pizzas to the prison. That would cause problems for some people. Tommy giggled at the thought.
But also there’s so many numbers. He could very easily just dial one that doesn’t work and waste his only call.
He was so caught up in the possibilities that he forgot that he actually called someone. Whoops.
“Hello?”
Aw man. Not a pizza place.
But wait- someone picked up! Score!
Tommy’s eyes widened, “Oh shit someone actually picked up.”
What was he saying? Of course they did! No one would reject a call from the great Tommy slash Wife Haver.
“Uh- Who is this?”
“Hello my good sir, how are you today?”
The person on the other end sighed, “if you’re about to sell me something I will hang up right away.”
“No- okay hold on- You can’t hang up on me.”
“And why not?”
“It would be immoral to hang up on the amazing Wife Haver. You were my one phone call y’know that?” Tommy claimed.
“Wh- You’re who!?” He exclaimed.
___
"Estimated around 18 years old, Thomas Innit has been arrested for his many crimes as the villain Wife Haver. His known crimes include burglary, arson, shoplifting, vandalism, possible fraud, and resisting arrest. Police are unsure if he has any accomplices but say-"
Wilbur stared at the TV and then back at his phone.
Techno looked up at Wilbur confused. Wilbur motioned for him to come over as he put the phone on speaker.
“Wife Haver! I’ll take your wife, bitch!” The person on the other end yelled, followed with a laugh.
“No- I know who you are-” Techno looked at him bemused. Wilbur replied with a wild shrug.
“Of course you do. Can you like, break me out of jail?”
Wilbur paused. “What?”
“Jeez, do you know any other words? I’m running out of time. I'm at that one prison near that coffee place, they serve good biscuits y’know-”
“How did you get my number?” Wilbur asked, cutting him off.
“I actually just pressed a couple of numbers. Like ten or something. Randomly.”
This guy… gets one phone call before he goes to prison and he just.. just accidentally calls…
What??
“Yeah so you gonna break me out or what, bitch?” He said almost jokingly. Was his plan to just call a random person and terrorize them before he’s sent to prison?
Because that’s…
…probably his exact plan.
“You know what,” Wilbur looked at Techno, “Yeah. Maybe I will.”
Techno facepalmed.
“Pfft- yeah right. No offense king, but you sound bald as fuck.”
Techno would’ve snorted if he wasn’t in distress as Wilbur squawked, “What the fuck does that even mean!?”
“Oh wouldn’t you like to- huh? Yeah I’ll be done in a minute can you chill the fuck ou- HEY BI-” The call ended abruptly and Wilbur was hit with dial tone.
“...Techno-”
“Don’t you dare-”
“I think we should go break a guy out of jail.”
Techno groaned, “No. Absolutely not. We are not doing a prison break for some new villain, with a stupid name mind you, especially without Phil’s permission.”
___
“I don’t see why not.” Phil shrugged.
“You heard the old man. Let’s go Techno!” Wilbur cheered.
Techno sputtered, “Heh!? Phil, you're not supposed to encourage this!”
Phil shrugged again, “I don’t see the harm in helping the kid out. Go wild.”
Wilbur smiled as Techno sighed, “You owe me, Wil.”
“Of course my dear brother. Now go get ready or I’ll make you.” Wilbur smiled.