kinkuary 2026
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Oh No, I'm Being Experimented On By Aliens!!! by scythematters
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
01 Feb 2026
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Summary
“Hm,” the alien said. “Well, let’s get started.” It cleared its throat. “Specimen 16, taken from Planet 1438-C. Investigation performed by Martin Blackwood.” (They’d tried giving him an alien name, but it had only made them both laugh.) “Specimen appears to follow pattern D of non-microscopic life. See attached scans for anatomical detail.”
It leaned over Jon and let its appendage rest on his chest. “Sensory examination will now begin. We start with touch.”
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Jon and Martin roleplay as an alien and his intriguing new scientific specimen.
Series
- Part 1 of kinkuary 2026
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Summary
Lord Martin reached out and took Jon’s hand and drew him towards the huge four-poster bed, and Jon might be a priest, but he wasn’t a complete innocent. He knew about sex, in theory, at least. He’d never actually done it. The whole thing seemed rather alarming and complicated and not at all worth the effort of working out how to go about it.
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Lord Martin Blackwood helps his priest feel better after a difficult few days.
Series
- Part 2 of kinkuary 2026
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Summary
It was Martin who came up with the idea of blindfolding Jon.
“You can’t make the Eye stop on your own,” he said, matter of factly, ignoring the way Jon’s shoulders hunched with shame. “But maybe we can get it to – to close, you know? Not forever, obviously, you need it to survive, but a sort of prolonged blink?”
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It helps.
Series
- Part 3 of kinkuary 2026
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Summary
Tim had just arrived in the archives and was perfectly innocently going about his usual morning business when Jon emerged from his office with a stack of files, the glint of academic excitement in his eyes, and a pair of the cutest and sluttiest little ankle boots Tim had ever fucking seen.
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Jon has a new pair of boots and Tim loses his entire goddamn mind over them. This leads to a very happy conclusion for everyone involved.
Series
- Part 4 of kinkuary 2026
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Summary
Tim kissed him again, hard and hungry, and Jon let his eyes slip closed. This was all nicer, somehow, than he’d imagined it would be when he’d finally decided that he wanted to give sex a try and sallied out to the nearest queer friendly bar he’d been able to find with a quick google.
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Jon decides it’s Sex Time, finds a Tim in a bar, and has a great night.
Series
- Part 5 of kinkuary 2026
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Summary
Martin watches Jon masturbate.
Series
- Part 6 of kinkuary 2026
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“Sweet little thing,” Sasha tells him, just because she can. Jon presses his head into her scritching hand again, happy. “Come up on the sofa and cuddle?”
“Mrow,” he says again, and clambers up to arrange himself in a little curled ball against her, his head resting on her chest, one mitten-paw kneading gently at her thigh.
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Sasha and kitty Jon enjoy some cuddles and love.
Series
- Part 7 of kinkuary 2026
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Summary
If you’d asked Tim this morning whether he thought there was the slightest chance of his work day ending with his boss – and, to be fair, also his friend and also a crush he’d long since given up hope of anything ever happening with – seated in his lap, grinding down on his thigh, he’d have laughed in your face. But here he was.
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Tim decides Jon needs a distraction from work.
Series
- Part 8 of kinkuary 2026
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Summary
When Jon wore the fifties style dress, the blue one with the wide skirt and white dots that tied around his waist with a wide blue ribbon, well, that meant he wanted to be fucked in a very particular way.
Martin was always happy to see that dress.
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Martin fucks his wife.
Series
- Part 9 of kinkuary 2026
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Martin lay there, chest heaving, letting the last sparks of his orgasm fade away as the host of The Erotic Archives, his favourite podcast, closed out the episode with a few well-chosen words of praise. Never anything too flowery or overdone, but simple and sincere. Everything the host, who went only by the initials JS, said in their deep, sonorous voice sounded wonderfully sincere.
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aka the one where Martin accidentally conditions himself to get turned on every time he hears Jon’s voice.
Series
- Part 10 of kinkuary 2026
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“Is that thing staying?” younger Tim said. Tim remembered saying it. He didn’t like monsters. But the way Michael had looked at him – well, it hadn’t taken as much persuasion as it probably ought to. And anyway –
“That was its price for bringing me here,” he said, shrugging. “You can say no if you like.”
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Tim fucks himself and Michael watches.
Series
- Part 11 of kinkuary 2026
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you were the truth of my running mascara by scythematters
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
15 Feb 2026
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Summary
It would be so nice, Jon thought forlornly, if the door to document storage were to swing open. He would open his eyes reluctantly, a scowl already rising automatically to his face under the assumption that it was Basira, or even Melanie, but when he looked to the door it wouldn’t be either of their silhouettes standing there, framed in the light from the corridor beyond. It would be Martin, tall and bulky, filling the doorway, the light glinting off his reddish-brown hair. For a moment, Jon would just stare at him, unable to believe it was true, and then he’d falter,
“M-Martin?”
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Martin is off working for Peter Lukas and Jon can’t talk to him, so naturally he does the next best thing: sadly masturbates while fantasising about Martin.
Series
- Part 12 of kinkuary 2026
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The Beast of Hexley Lake by scythematters for A_Door
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
16 Feb 2026
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Summary
Wearing sensible shoes and with a raincoat bundled up in his backpack together with a voice recorder, an underwater camera, three notebooks, and a packed lunch, along with various other paraphernalia, Jon sallied out into the October drizzle in search of the Beast of Hexley Lake.
He didn’t expect to find the Beast immediately, of course. Cryptids were notoriously shy in general, and water-dwellers even more so, given that they tended to live at the bottoms of lakes and the deepest parts of the sea and thus were not terribly accessible by humans. So it came as quite a surprise when he stopped off in the local post office to make enquiries and was met with a look of mingled surprise and pride.
“Oh aye,” the woman there told him. “That’s our Martin, that is. Never heard of anyone taking an interest in him before. They’re all off up Loch Ness way.”
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Cryptozoologist Jonathan Sims has finally gained funding for a field study of the Beast of Hexley Lake. He doesn’t expect to fall in love with the Beast along the way, but these things happen. Right? Right??
Series
- Part 13 of kinkuary 2026
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Martin had first noticed the person in the adorable purple cat mask during the second dance. He’d twirled Sasha, turned, and there they’d been, just briefly, their full-skirted purple dress still flaring from being twirled themself. Martin’s breath had caught on its way up his throat.
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Jon and Martin meet at a masquerade ball and sneak off to have sex.
Series
- Part 14 of kinkuary 2026
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Supplemental: Investigation Into Martin Blackwood, Conducted From Outside (And Then Inside) His Home by scythematters
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
18 Feb 2026
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Summary
“What do you want?” Jon demanded again. Was it really so much to ask, that he could simply understand? Was it? “What are you doing here, talking to me? What do you want from me, Martin?”
He almost shouted the last part, making Martin flinch slightly and raise his hands in defence.
“Jesus, Jon! You want to know? Honestly? Fine. Here’s what I want, right now, in this moment. I want to fucking pick you up and carry you into my flat and tie you up with rope so that you can just bloody rest for a few hours. I’ve got rope, did you know that? Yeah. It’s not because I’m evil, though. It’s because sometimes I just like to tie people up. You know, as a sex thing. Or not a sex thing, that’s cool too. I’d tie you up, Jon, and I’d feed you good food, and I’d make you lie down and sleep for a whole night, and then maybe you’d wake up and you’d be able to bloody think straight!”
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Or, Jon decides he might as well let Martin tie him up. It turns out a lot nicer than he’s expecting.
Series
- Part 15 of kinkuary 2026
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Summary
Jon liked these days. The ones where he had to be between Tim and Martin or they couldn’t touch at all, where they touched him fiercely and ferociously and painfully because it was all they knew how to do.
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Lonely Martin and Desolation Tim double team Jon.
Series
- Part 16 of kinkuary 2026
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Martin needs a snack and gives Jon something nice in return.
Series
- Part 17 of kinkuary 2026
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“I got – fell into the wrong flower,” Jon gasped. Martin’s hand was so warm, and the way they’d fallen, their thighs were on either side of the base of Martin’s finger. They lifted themself up, rubbing themself against it, and moaned. “Pollen madness.”
“Oh,” Martin said gently. “Oh, Jon, you poor thing.”
“Mm.” Jon humped desperately against Martin’s finger, but it wasn’t enough, not when they had the pollen madness. “I need – need you to do the thing, Martin, please.”
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Teeny tiny fairy Jon gets sex pollened, oh no! Luckily they have a great big human boyfriend with lovely fingers who can help them deal with it.
Series
- Part 18 of kinkuary 2026
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“I can pull out without knotting you,” Martin said anxiously, when they talked about it. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
Jon rolled their eyes and pointed out that hurting them was the point, or part of it, at least. What was the point of getting ravished by a wolf if the wolf didn’t finish the damn job?
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Jon makes a request of their werewolf boyfriend, who is only too happy to fulfil it.
Series
- Part 19 of kinkuary 2026
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The tie was a signal. It meant that he was stressed and tired and irritable and that he needed to be forced to let go. It meant that he wanted his assistants to use him, to hurt him, to do whatever they wanted to. It meant he didn’t want them to bother asking or even to respect his need to get work done. He wanted to be their toy, their pet, their creature. Whatever they wanted him to be.
Today, he’d simply been their good boy.
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Jon needs to let go, and his partners are very happy to help with that.
Series
- Part 20 of kinkuary 2026