Chapter Text
Starcrush tried to stop the sadness in the room. She tried to carefully integrate the mood change. “Based on the reports I got. You are at least half human, meaning there’s some organic parts in you. I may need a bit of your inner liquids to test so that we can figure out what your body needs and the right balance of it.” She paused to take a breath.
“I also have noticed that you’re very rigid in your movement and that’s indicating to me there’s pain in your body. I assume that would be from the waist down but I think Aqualance would be better at telling what body part is causing pain due to your body being similar to ours. You've been massaging your chest as well, your facial expression would indicate low comfort as well.” She took another deep vent, the room went silent as Paradox and Aqualance looked to see if Starcrush had anything else to say.
”What?” She asked, “My patients don’t exactly tell me verbally what’s going on.”
Paradox shyly coughed “I can tell you about what’s going on with the waist down stuff. But I think the chest is just anxiety. New place, new people, no support system, having to start over and leaving a traumatic experience would probably cause that. Also I’m just an anxious creature, so I can sort myself out.”
Starcrush nodded with thoughts running across her faceplate. ”Ok, good to know that those both have explanations. I would still like Aqualance to check out your spark chamber and I will see if there’s anything else that could be causing that. Can you explain why you’re struggling to walk and sit please?”
“Sure.” Paradox groaned a little. She really didn’t want to talk anymore about it.
But she kind of had to.
”So… um. I have an organ.” She then made a circular motion above her lower abdomin not touching the sensitive area. “It’s about here. I think. Anyway. That’s where our sparklings grow, we call them children, child, kids. All the same and then the kid comes out from an opening” she then moved her hand down and further out “between here, it can stretch us out a bit and move organs around. My child, wasn’t….. wasn’t fully developed… so I doubt I had much stretching let alone enough to tear anything, which isn’t uncommon that we tear. But due to… ahem… due to… to a… due to my…. Sitttttuuuuaaatiooonnn… yes situation, mhmmm. Due to my situation my baby hadn’t fully developed to the correct size and was born earlier than the regular guestation period.”
The taste of her words felt bad. Paradox hated how much she had to talk about this. At least on her planet everyone kinda knew what was happening. Maybe not in her way but they all just knew it, baby in belly, baby gotta come out, vagina the intended way, sometimes stomach.
Paradox looked up at Starcrush who had started taking notes at some point and watched as she finished up. “Ok so your organs are trying to recover is what I’m hearing.” She scribbled down some other things. “Are there any other organs that could be involved? Because I can easily keep track of what your body is doing but it would make my life easier if I knew what areas to look out specifically.”
Paradox thought for a bit. “Ummm I know on my planet we have a thing called baby brain. I don’t know much about it because I’ve never had to go through it before. From my limited knowledge its just the brain getting used to being a parent which can make a person a bit forgetful especially when dealing with my hormones and body getting back to normal… oh hormone! They’re just… ummm…. I don’t know how to describe them… I’ve just been told that they are body chemicals that influence emotions. Anything else? Ummmmm.” Paradox then silently sighed to her self and paid more attention to herself has she had began massaging her chest again at some point. “I did forget about breast milk. I don’t know how, but now that I have it on the module, it could be another reason why I have chest pains.” She felt like an idiot. That would have been obvious. Big belly, big boobs, she couldn’t believe she spent so long just forgetting that’s a thing that could happen. She groaned and put her head in her hands as she just had to ride the emotions out on this one. There was no excuse for this. Maybe her boobs were already so big that she just looked down and went ‘big boobs? That’s normal.’ And just disregarded them? That seems like a shitty excuse but there was no other explanation. The answer was so fucking obvious to her now.
Pardox looked up again once she did a big sigh like what she would consider to be a a stupid dumbass. Starcrush had continue to scribble with Aqualance taking a few notes on his own data pad as well.
”Is that everything?” Paradox asked.
Starcrush looked up from her pad “yes, for now. Well just for information we need from you. I want to see how we can keep you alive and healthy. May I take some or your liquids?”
Paradox tilted her head. “Which ones?” She asked. “I’d prefer if you don’t take my stomach acid or blood.”
Paradox watched as Starcrush tried to hide how giddy and happy she was. “I’d like all of them.” She smiled “well specifically the once’s that keep you the most alive.”
”Damnit.” Paradox stuttered under her breath.
“How many liquids can I have?” She asked before turning to Aqualance. “Can I have some bottles? Well small containers that have a good close on them.”
Aqualance nodded and walked to the other side of the room to look through his cupboards.
Paradox sighed. “Well the main 4 is my stomach acid for digesting food and supplements and stuff like that, my blood is like energon for me, it self replenishes itself so I don't have to keep drinking it like you guys do with energon, there’s…. Disposal liquids. So once they go through the stomach, whatever doesn’t get picked up by the body just leaves in a liquid form, then lastly we just have water based ones or ones that show illness I guess. Mainly saliva for digesting food in the mouth before it reaches the stomach, tears and just liquids to keep my eyes moist and working, then snot / mucus is typically just the body’s way of removing scrap it doesn’t want like illnesses.”
Starcrush looked rough her document. “I think I’ll take your blood, disposal, stomach acid aaaannnndddd….. nope, that’s it” she perked up a bit and spoke like she was going through her shopping list at a Woolworths.
“Fine.” Paradox agreed “ just don’t take too much. I’m only little.” God she felt like a child saying that last part. She felt so weak and infantilised by her own words. Words that once gave her a 50/50 of avoiding abuse. A trick this pony had grown out of.
“I’ll be carefull.” She assured Paradox. She then looked at Aqualance who was returning with 7 different empty bottles, vials and containers. “I’m sure Aqualance can help me keep track of how much I can take.” She smiled “do you want to do the ones that you can do first?” She asked handing her 3 containers that fitted in Paradox’s hand like a novelty slushie cup from a carnival.
“Sure.” Paradox mumbled. She picked up the only two she could carefully carry. “Do I get privacy for this or do I have to do it here and now?”
”Yes.” Aqualance immediately answered. “We aren’t here to study and experiment on you, we’re just here to help. If you want privacy then privacy is what you would get.” He then dragged Starcrush out of the room and announced. “Knock or throw something at the door once you’re done” as the door shut behind them.
Paradox looked around the now empty room like she was looking for security cameras but she couldn’t see any that she could identify. The idea of unknown cameras made her nervous, but if anything she trusted Aqualance enough to at least not get a high or anything out of watching it. The thought made her shiver in disgust at the idea alone, the more she thought about it, the more she began to wonder what murder techniques he would use on anyone that tried.
Paradox did one final check before filling up the cup. She then looked at the other two containers. Why was she given 3? She only needed 1. Maybe incase one broke? Or didn’t fit? Paradox hadn’t told anyone about anatomy. Maybe they just assumed something weird? Paradox massaged her chest again.
Wait.
That’s right.
Paradox didn’t understand why she was given 3 instead of 2. She took out the breast she was massaging and tried to line it up to another cup.
”First time for everything?” She nervously and softly spoke as she began to question if she knew what she was doing. Not like she could double check with anyone. The only person who she could…
…Well…
…. The dome stopped that communication…
… Thats a good excuse….
… Right?
Maybe?
Perhaps?
Yes?
For now.
Paradox looked at her predicament shaking off the guilt ridden thoughts she couldn’t just naturally get rid of. She had bigger fish to fry.
….Well…
…Is it really?
Paradox shook her head and realigned herself. She sat down and used her feet to hold the cup still while her hands worked on her breast. One to hold that still and the other to…
…To milk?…
…Is that what this was?
Its what she would do to a cow…
How was this different?
Besides the whole alien abductionnnnn…
… Isn’t that how aliens are depicted? Abducting cows?
Well they weren’t turned into robots.
Or any other abomination like in…
Would Tusk and Fullmetal Alchemist count?
Same thing but without the aliens.
Maybe Men in Black or E.T?
Actually E.T in drag is a great example for her predicament.
Avatar? Would that be better? But Jack or whatever his name is can’t go back to being human like she can.
Was she even human anymore?
Paradox shivered at the cold emptiness in her chest. It felt like something was speaking to her but she couldn’t tell what
Wait what was she thinking about again?
Right.
She never expected herself to feel so lonely doing this.
She squeezed where her chest began to curve around. She closed her eyes and sighed. She didn’t know if it was a sigh of relief or a sigh of everything that had happened. It felt so long ago but also like it was just yesterday, the feeling stopped creating a sense of calm and replaced it with a sense of anxiety? Sadness? Unease? A mix of everything that made her soul squirm uncomfortably. Even then her would felt weird, like it wasn’t complete. Her chest began to feel empty below the skin, below the bones, below the metal. This incompleteness felt more than internal. It was weird.
Paradox looked at the cup, it wasn’t full but it looked like it had enough for testing or whatever Starcrush wanted this for. She stopped pressing around and looked over the two cups she now had. She had done two out of the 3 liquids she needed to give. She let out a big sigh. It’s not like she could do the next one on her own.
Paradox stood up looked around and saw the third cup she was given and threw it at the door, finally being able to throw something that hard felt slightly cathartic to her The two doctors walked back in Starcrush stood closer to Paradox than Aqualance did. He seemed like he was observing her and trying to figure out how to satisfy both the human and the cybertronian in Paradox in case Starcrush was unavailable. Paradox handed the two cups over then watched Starcrush move them to the side and she pulled up a chair to be a similar height to Paradox who was standing on the table.
“How are you feeling?” She ask look slightly concerned.
Paradox swallowed the nerve to cry, she didn’t want to stay longer than needed and people asking why she’s crying and trying to comfort her would only make her stay longer.
Starcrush stared at Paradox for a bit longer before asking Aqualance a question, never moving her optics off of her. “Hey Aqualance? Do you think that should be enough to tell us what we are working with here?”
Aqualance put down the cup that he had just finished labeling and finally looked at Paradox. “What happened to needing the stomach acid?” He asked before quickly changing his tune “yes, this should do.”
Starcrush looked closer at Paradox, her faceplate almost touching the small creature. Paradox looked as Starcrush moved her servo above Paradox and gently patted her head. She was very soft and cautious of touching her. As the servo left her, Paradox could feel the void being replaced with so many thoughts and the feeling of loneliness was just shovelling more into the void. Paradox began to feel tears drip down her face.
Starcrush immediately picked her up and began softly cuddling her but making sure she was looking out for any signs that indicated Paradox wanted to be put down. All she felt was the opposite and Paradox clung to her and cried. From experience Starcrush knew that her quietest patients were typically the loudest when they needed something, but this was different. This was pain, and not a typical pain she had experienced before, she didn’t know what Paradox needed. Starcrush just continued holding her and trying to make her posture more softer to see if Paradox would calm down with softer, welcoming and understanding body language. She leant back in the chair, almost laying down and dropped her shoulders while softly keeping her servos on Paradox.
But the crying just got worse.
Starcrush had a feeling for what was going on once she realised that kindly letting Paradox explore and adjust wasn’t what she needed. Starcrush carefully and quickly tightened her grip onto Paradox and and slid under Aqualance’s desk hunching over Paradox. She looked up and saw Aqualance give her a weird look, or a look of ‘get out from under my desk’
“I’m just testing a theory” she stated.
Paradox began to feel herself calm down. She hadn’t felt like this in a while. Even the med bay back in Kaon had risk of higher ups intruding on her and demanding things from her. She felt like no one could get to her here. She could hear mumbling but her body just felt like it needed to stop. The last of the tears stopped as she felt herself begin to pass out from all the energy she had just given out with nothing to replenish what was lost.