Chapter Text
The pitter patters of the showerhead helped Light block out the noise of the room’s other occupants. The sounds of their talking, laughing, and…hurting. He tried his best to place them on a plane separate from himself. Light held a hand up, trying to catch a few water drops, but they slivered away, dripping off his hand or down his arm. Sighing, he reached for the soap bar stationed in front of him. Once he grasped it, he—
“Oooh! Be careful, Kira-chan! Y’know what they say about prison showers and soap!”
He’d never get used to Beyond’s terrible way of starting conversations. Light shrieked in an emasculating manner, earning a few glares from the other unfortunate occupants in the room. Luck wasn’t on his side, seeing as the bar squished and slid out of his hand in his shock.
Impressively, (not that Light would admit it), Beyond caught the soap mid-air with a little spin, bowing idiotically right after. The brunette yanked it out of the other’s hands, foregoing a thank you. The showers were the last place Light wanted to deal with Beyond’s…mannerisms. The way the others stared at him terrified him down to his core. He could feel the invisible wall of Beyond’s claim keeping them away, but the problem with invisible barriers was their imperceptiveness, meaning Light’s only comfort can come from his head.
His head was not a kind place.
Wait a minute, something wasn’t right here.
Blinking a few times, Light realized the oddity of the situation.
“Wait, Beyond?! They’re letting you shower with the rest of us? And you’re…” He gazed at the other’s frame, shocked at what he saw. Not only was the other man not wearing a straitjacket, but there were…
Burns.
Countless burns.
They stretched wide and looped all around Beyond’s skin. They were jagged, uneven, and dry-looking despite being drenched in water. The burn scars were largest at his lower body, seeming to completely encase his feet and calves before slimming out the higher they went. Unbelievably, they stopped just before hitting Beyond’s neck, perfectly hiding behind the straitjacket that man would always be trapped in.
As if Beyond had simply stood still in a fire.
Gulping, Light quit his, admittedly, invasive observation, knowing the other probably noticed him staring.
Sure enough, Beyond reciprocated Light’s gaze, his expression unreadable. They were at an awkward standstill, the patter of the shower sounding like a clapping audience to Light’s paranoid mind.
Suddenly, B sighed, itched his scalp, and waited a few more moments before talking. His entire body language being uncharacteristically serious. “I know, it’s pretty freaky, huh? Even gives me a good scare sometimes. It’s fine if it bothers you.”
Feeling ashamed, Light whispered, “Beyond…”
“I mean, what the fuck am I supposed to do with this monster cock anyway?”
Huh?
“Huh?” Light uttered unintelligibly.
Beyond wheezed and cackled, raising the hackles of everyone around them. “Ahahaha! You should see the look on your face! It’s so fun to mess with you, you make it so easy! Haha! How on earth could Lawlipop have ever thought—”
Light threw the only thing he could at Beyond, positively livid. The soap bar bounced harmlessly off the other’s head, and he gave it not even a passing glance. “Shut up! You need to stop screwing with me in a place like this! What the fuck is wrong with you?!”
The older man kept laughing, “My, my! Such language! What happened to the doe-eyed duckling from before? I must be rubbing off on you, poor baby.”
“Enough! It’s bad enough during free times and meals, but to keep messing with me here?! Are you trying to send me to an early death?!” The younger man felt embarrassed to be making a scene, however he was becoming so tired of being treated like the other’s plaything, regardless if that was what they were trying to make everyone around them think. It’s bad enough Light was stuck here, but to be constantly demeaned by the one person who said he would be on his side? He was so done.
Beyond snorted, wiping an imaginary tear from his eye, “Jeez, Kira-chan, you’re so serious it’s comical. Do you need the guards to bring you some herbal soap to calm you down?”
Light made a noise the closest a human can get to growling, “Am I ever going to get a fucking break from you?!”
Punching out his last wheeze, Beyond responded facetiously, “Well, you might get your wish if you keep screeching like a newborn who needs mommy’s milk tits.”
Light paused, considering those words.
“What do you mean?” He asked, ready to become angry again if he was answered with a joke.
“I get to be here because I’ve been a goody two-shoes. No more cold hoses for this guy! I can be a squeaky clean boy and wash my own body. However, it’s like they say, good things don’t last forever,” Beyond pointed to the door where, undoubtedly, guards were stationed and listening in case of any excessive violence from the inmates. As if they’d step in. “And so, if I step even the slightest out of line, the straitjacket will be the least of my problems. They said they’d put me down like the sick dog that I am. Spooky scary, huh?”
“Put you…down?” Light uttered, wary of the word choice.
“Ominous, isn’t it? Can’t tell if they mean permanent solitary, the muzzle, or d–d-death!” Beyond screeched the last part, purposefully attempting to get a jump out of Light.
It semi-worked, seeing as Light’s body instinctually took a step back. However, his mind…his mind was rumbling with thunder.
Put down Beyond? Like, kill him?
Can they even do that?
Would they?
They couldn’t, it’s impossible, that couldn’t be allowed.
“Guess they’ve gotten tired of little ol’me. Apparently, I’ve got a nasty habit of having periods of good behavior only to turn around and bite someone's finger off. That’s all conjecture though, trust. I’d rather bite their ears, I have no idea where their icky hands have been, eugh.”
Could it?
『••✎••』
He’s bored.
Bored, bored, bored.
Not in the “there’s nothing to do” but rather the “everything’s already been done” kind of way. After all the hard work Matt’s done, (meaning he sat on his ass typing for work-related reasons and made like, two phone calls), he’s now been sucked out of every modicum of joy in his soul. As if life took one long, continuous drag of his energy and then stubbed him several times against a concrete wall.
Woah, that was a poetic thought. He should tell Mello about that one.
Anyways, the point is, he hates his job. Why does God punish him by forcing him to use his beloved setup for spreadsheet bullshit instead of braindead forums? Life sucks.
Especially since Matt had to traumatise himself by staring at a job application and eugh, fill it out. Thank the stars it wasn’t actually for him, but for their resident brown-haired crashout.
Turns out, when L says he’ll “get things done,” he actually means he’ll shove off the work to some poor schmuck with an unreasonable deadline and then take all the credit. Matt doesn’t envy Watari, that’s for sure. The poor guy is worked like a dead horse, or however the saying goes.
The only person who can get away with treating Matt like this is a certain bombshell blonde. Seeing as L is neither bombshell, nor blonde, Matt is seriously considering going on strike or unionizing, whichever is most effective.
At least the job was done, that was the one speck of hope in Matt’s life now.
He can turn that figurative speck into a real spark that’ll light the end of a dozen cigarettes he will inevitably go through by the end of the day. Just what the doctor ordered.
That, or a quickie with Mello will set him straight. He ain’t picky.
Heh, set him straight, he’s funny. That’s another one he should tell Mello. Matt would be proud of the roll he’s on right now if he didn’t also know this was taking unnecessary brain power. Y’know, the thing he’s trying to avoid doing for hopefully the rest of his life.
It ain’t gonna happen, but a guy can dream.
With the help of some shrooms if he could recall where he left his stash.
He wouldn’t put it past Mello to have thrown it away again. He does that with every drug the guy finds tucked away. It’s the worst game of hide and seek, because Matt always loses. According to the blonde, drugs will ‘kill his brain cells’ and ‘slow down the investigation,’ all said with the vigor of a pearl-clutching virgin. Like, okay. He gets that cocaine and LSD were probably bad ideas, but firstly, Matt was only experimenting, and secondly, even weed was out of the picture? That’s so lame.
It’s so hard to take Mello’s more conservative side seriously when he’s had his dick down his throat but fine, sure, whatever. At least Matt can have his cigs.
He’ll need those babies after the past 96 hours he’s had. Hassling contacts to forge papers ranging from IDs to diplomas, breaking into university systems, and applying to the junkyard that is Sakura TV was a nightmare and a half. Especially since some of his contacts bumped up their rates outta nowhere or tried fleeing their country. Yeah, they weren’t slick. Matt got a sweet sense of sadistic joy tracking down one of them and naming his apartment address while the guy was playing in a public lobby. What a sucker.
But yeah, basically, Matt should win employee of the month. Which, he would actually insist if he didn’t know Mello would pop a blood vessel and if he genuinely cared about winning outside of video games.
Speaking of which, he wondered what ticked off Mello this time. The man next to him huffed and puffed for the third time in the past five minutes. Who did he think he was? The Big Bad Wolf? Should Matt start prepping a brick house to prepare for the inevitable crashout?
Perhaps, or most definitely, it had something to do with the other people in the room. They, as in Aiber, Wedy, and Light, decided to change pace and do their work somewhere besides the main office, making use of one of the many lounge areas instead. Matt and Mello followed because Mello likes to keep an eye on the ex-convict and Matt goes wherever the other does. He didn’t quite get the blonde’s fixation of Yagami, yet he’s sure there’s a good reason. The man may be an uncontrollable rage of hormones, but he has strong instincts. It's gotten them this far.
Mello huffed again and Matt sighed, the harmony to the other’s unrelenting melody. The room’s other occupants weren't even doing anything wrong, just chit-chatting. Even the most banal things can get on his other half’s nerves though.
Aiber was gesturing with purpose as he spoke to Light, “When talking about ‘Liking,’ Little Yagami, you already got a good chunk of it down. You're handsome and young, which are traits that, when used just right, can create a halo-effect and grant you clemency even in the most dire situations. It works like a charm for me.” Aiber swished his hair like he was in a Pantene commercial.
Wedy snorted from where she was filing Light’s nails, “You? Young? Sure, and I’m secretly a red-head.” She dusted off the brunette’s hand. Aiber scratched his stubble, “Har har, Wedy, we all know your hair’s actually gray underneath that dye job.”
The woman’s noise flared in jovial anger, “And I suppose I’ll see if your balls are as wrinkled as your face when I stab your—” Aiber jumped back in horror, “Jeez! How unladylike! Y’know Ryuzaki’s kids are in the room, right?!”
Matt took offense to that last statement.
She smiled pleasantly and winked at Light, “So there is survival instinct underneath that aftershave, good to know.” The blondes (except Mello, obviously) laughed at their own exchange. And, after a few moments of his eyes bouncing between the two, Light felt like he could join in as he chuckled quietly. Oddly enough, the brunette looked like he was already used to this kind of conversation.
Huh, so he isn’t completely humorless. Good to know their exchange two weeks ago wasn’t a fluke. Very good to know.
Matt’s laptop, turned on but not in use, suddenly pinged.
Is it for what he thinks it is?
Putting his DS aside, (his adorable Tepig, who he lovingly named Mello Jr, will have to wait), Matt leaned forward to snatch his computer into his lap. A few clicks later, his eyes skimmed over the message he received.
He whistled, projecting its volume so every occupant in the room would pay attention. “Oy, Yagami,” Matt started, “Guess what? You’re officially leaving the unemployment gang. My congrats and condolences.” Mello perked up, despite not being called, and hooked his head on Matt’s shoulder to read the email. Damn nosy.
Light stood up from his preening session and plucked the computer from Matt’s lap with no warning. Mello looked more peeved than Matt felt by that overstep. Pacing as he read, the brunette scoffed, “Just like that? It’s only been 4 days. That’s way too soon, isn’t it? This is Kira’s doing, it has to be. They wouldn’t hire me that quickly. Don’t I have to come in for an interview or something? There’s no mention of that. I just have to complete the tour and orientation on Monday and boom, that’s it? I got the job? I come in everyday after? This is a trap by Kira, for sure. Am I also setting up scheduling that day because it’s Thursday and that means we only have—”
Matt could smell the wildfire happening in Light’s brain. Hell, he could practically see smoke coming out of his ears. The level of catastrophizing the man has escalated to in such a short amount of time should get a world record. Thankfully, Aiber interrupted the guy before he exploded, his hands held up like they were in a hostage negotiation. “Hey, it’s no big deal, little Yagami. I mean, this is what we wanted, right? In actuality, we’re the ones trapping Kira, don’t forget that.”
Light’s wound-up posture sagged at the confidence in the other’s voice. Notably, his face remained scrunched and paranoid. Matt felt an odd…jab in his gut. Like he drank sour milk or something. Wanting a distraction, he decided to open his mouth, “Yeah, don’t get your panties in a twist, dude. ‘Sides, I’m pretty sure this ain’t a Kira ploy, Apparently, Demegawa’s got a nasty habit of firing people for the pettiest of reasons, so the hire-fire rate for production assistants is quite high. So, y’know, take a chill pill.”
The brunette’s mouth cracked into a chagrined grit. Matt expects he would’ve been the victim of a nasty diatribe had Wedy not also pitched in at the right second, “Doesn’t your ex work there? Maybe she put in a good word for you, honey. I don’t have a doubt in my mind you were sweet on her in the short time you spent together, she’d vouch for you.”
While the woman’s words had the desired effect of reassuring the other, it also came with the side-effect of embarrassing him. Matt chuckled at the red tips of the other’s ears until his brain caught up with what was said. Immediately, his body sprung forward in humor as he comically slapped his knee, “Wait, what?! What’s this I’m hearing?! You got an ex-girlfriend in that trashy news station? That’s fucking hilarious! Aww, why did nobody tell me—”
“Because it’s none of your damn business! Ugh, God forbid I have some privacy around here…” Light harshly slammed the laptop shut. Matt had to stop himself from cringing at the rough treatment to his poor tech. Sliding the computer to be tucked into his armpit, Light held his chin up and spoke with the tone of a prince-in-training, “I’ll inform Ryuzaki of this update to the case.” He gave a brief glance to his mentors, “Aiber, Wedy, I’ll see you later.”
Matt watched the man leave like he was watching a nature documentary. Mello looked ticked that he didn’t think of telling L first. Aiber and Wedy simply chuckled, the woman holding her hand over her mouth as she commented, “So serious…”
Moving his arms to support the back of his head, Matt sighed, “Welp, guess that’s all the work I’ll be doing today…”
Mello crossed his arms, scoffing, “The fuck? It’s still daylight. You’re not getting out of work that quickly.” He punctuated his sentence with a chomp of chocolate. What a dork.
He sniffled, “Well, Mells, I’d love to work, I really would. But as you can see…” Matt gestured to the empty coffee table in front of him, “My laptop’s been confiscated.”
『••✎••』
This didn’t feel good.
Staring at the floor as he walked, L hummed with his index hooked into his lips. The hallway’s neverending walls and doors once again plagued him in his seemingly endless treks. There was an odd twisting in his stomach, riddled with an anxiety that was wrapped in meters of barbed wire. It spun with every step he made and brought a bile to his mouth that tasted like the worst sour candies.
He needed to air these thoughts out. It would settle the weight and hopefully grant him some reprieve.
If his conversation partner would allow him such a sensation.
He stepped into the breakroom, his eyes immediately adjusting to Light who sat at one of the tables, hunched over a collection of papers. Secondly, L noticed how the moonlight coming in from the windows contrasted against the radiance of the floor lamp that gleamed onto Light’s hair and skin. The cool tone clashing against the warmness in a dichotomy so stark it felt like L was standing in a completely different room.
He inhaled, smelling stale coffee and wisps of the chocolate cake Watari made earlier that day. L had been shoveling the dessert into his mouth when Light waltzed into the room, informing the detective of the changes to the case. The conversation hadn’t left his mind the entire day, not baked in nostalgia, but rather building worry. Something didn’t feel good.
“Light-kun,” He started, adjusting his feet before continuing, “I’ve come to you with concerns about Sakura TV.”
Light sighed, obviously hearing the older man but more absorbed in his paperwork, “Wait a moment before opening your foul mouth, I’m busy…Besides, if this is another ‘You’re too fragile to do your job’ talk, then get the hell out.”
Rather than give attention to the needless insult, L turned his gaze to the papers on the table. “May I ask Light-kun what he’s working on?” He said. Taking a few steps closer, L read the contents and tilted his head inquisitively, “Anger management worksheets?” He made sure to keep his tone friendly but not condescending.
The younger man rubbed his forehead, “Augh, why did you ask if you were gonna stick your nose all over the papers, anyway? Asshole…” Light sighed, and there was a pause for a few moments. “It’s something from Aiber, he thinks it’ll…help me or something.” He continued. Light turned his head away from the detective, and knowing the prideful personality of the other, L figured he was ashamed. However, he didn’t see any shame in trying anger management skills, in fact, he wished Mello would try them some time.
The older man knew he shouldn’t let the other feel embarrassed, but he felt trying to re-assure Light would worsen the problem rather than help. Therefore, he simply brushed the topic aside, “About Sakura TV, I also feel suspicious at the speed in which you were hired. It may be Kira, it may not be, but it’s worth keeping in mind from now on in this investigation.”
L could swear he saw a dash of relief in Light’s eyes before it was promptly tucked away. “Hmph, well that’s good. Everyone’s been making me think I’m crazy for thinking that way. It pisses me off, I know what I’m talking about.”
The detective nodded, “Indeed, Light-kun does.” L ended it at that, letting silence linger for however long Light would tolerate his presence. In the meantime, L ruminated on how he knew why everyone was acting strange about Light’s suspicions. Simply put, they believed him obsessed and hell-bent, which they wouldn’t be wrong. And yet, L, can’t outwardly agree with them on the basic principle that he shared the same thoughts.
He’s grown out of his Kira obsession, so he wasn’t biased.
Light hummed, flipping through his worksheets before collecting them into a pedestrian, red folder. “I’ve been wondering,” He leaned against the table as he stood, “if I find out that Takada still harbors some…feelings,” The word looked to be pulled out of his maw, “for me, should I try honey trapping her? If Kira really does plan to utilize Sakura TV, if he hasn’t already, then I’d imagine she’d know something, either as a passerby or accomplice. She was quite outspoken on her view of Kira five years ago, she wouldn’t make a bad mole for him. I could try convincing her Kira isn’t worth it and to feed us information…”
L couldn’t believe what he was hearing. If he was sick to stomach earlier, then he was utterly diseased now. “No, no, absolutely not.” His back straightened slightly.
Light’s brow creased and he tsked, “If it helps the case, then why not? Don’t tell me you think you can start telling me what I can and can’t do, it’s not up to you—”
“You’re right, it isn’t.” L quickly interrupted, no longer tolerating the nonsense coming from the other’s lips, “However, it’s too dangerous for me, as the head of the case, to recommend as an avenue for investigation. I won’t sanction such a thing.”
An expected eruption of anger, “‘Won’t sanction such a thing,’ huh? Oh goodie, here comes the great, sanctimonious L. What a gentleman, he cares so much. A shame such a trait had to emerge five years too late, huh?”
Rubbing his temple with his knuckle, L sighed, “Light-kun—”
“No! No, fuck off. Don’t you get it? I want Kira dead. I’ll accept no other outcome, and I’ll get there no matter what it fucking takes.” Light slammed his hand on the table as he spoke. L had to consciously tell himself not to flinch.
“I understand, and it’s a reasonable position to have. However, Light-kun, with your…past, I fear that your attempt to manipulate Takada won’t reap results but rather an…episode. It could jeopardize the investigation. I’m not saying you’re unstable or incompetent, but rather—”
“How dare you!” Light sprung from where he had stood previously, preferring to get into L’s personal space. His habit when angry; a common form of intimidation. The older man was trying to get used to it, but it was hard when he knew he wasn’t facing some vengeful criminal behind a screen. Instead it was a real person. A person that he knew intimately. A person he had hurt in many ways that were unforgivable.
The brunette continued, “I won’t hear this bullshit! Just quit the damn platitudes! You think I’ll drag down the investigation, that’s what this is really about! It’s just results, results, results, data and fucking data with you. Well, guess what? I’m not going to take that from a bastard who’s trying to make his self-serving soap box routine disguise as a fucking welfare check! I’ve said it before, just be honest with me! I’m tired of this kind soul act. I already know you hate me, so why pretend you don’t? I already know…I already know…” The energy sapped out of Light. The brunette tilted his head towards the ceiling as he rubbed his forehead. His next words were shaky, “I-I already know that the case is the only thing that matters to you.”
It was a storm in L’s mind. A rainy hurricane. Any attempt to say the right words was like fishing the wind in that storm, a fleeting struggle. Anything caught would just tear away.
Still, as he saw Light step back and grasp his folder, he knew this time, something was better than nothing.
He was so, so tired of nothing.
“The case…doesn’t matter…” He tried. His speech was slow and quiet.
Nonetheless, Light’s reaction was lightning-fast, his head jolting his way in loud, obvious offense.
“No, no, I misspoke. What I mean is…” He sighed, rolling his neck around, “What I mean is that the case doesn’t matter as…as much as you do, Light-kun. I…I worry for you far more than I do of any result in this investigation. Please, please believe me.”
L heard Light’s breath hitch and so he immediately shot his gaze to the ground, his head unable to bear the weight of his own vulnerability. He continued, “I do want results, I do. Especially since things had been slow up until now. H-However…” L took a breath, not wanting to trip over his words, “None of that is worth it if it requires compromising you, Light. None of it. I know you said you were willing to do whatever it takes to solve this case, but I–”
His breath halted. His eyes stung. He tried his best to ignore it. L swallowed, lubricating his throat for the words to follow. “I am not willing to make that sacrifice. Not again. It’s fine if you think that’s selfish, or cowardly, or all the other horrible things I know I am and what you think I am, but that’s how I…feel.”
Having reached the end of his speech, L coughed, looked in every direction away from Light and shuffled his feet. He could feel his pride sinking but also, oddly, a strange weight relieved from his body. It was…different to get things out in the open the way he did.
Light seemed to also not wish to acknowledge the other’s presence anymore, keeping his head down. Once again, his long locks created a curtain that disguised his face.
L tried to keep his breathing steady and quiet.
A few seconds, maybe even minutes, passed before somebody moved.
It was Light, straightening himself and tucking his hair behind his ear. Holding the folder tightly to his chest, the younger man only made eye contact for a brief moment before he spoke, “You’re just saying what I want to hear, aren’t you? Even when I didn’t realize I wanted to hear it…” The brunette bit his bottom lip, his eyes crinkling, “You always had a talent for that.”
L softly gasped. All that, and for nothing? He reached out, “Light-kun—”
The younger man held a hand up gently. L choked on the rest of his words. None of the previous anger from before was present, but rather a melancholic resignation. Blinking a few times, Light continued, “...I appreciate you saying them anyway.”
Slowly lowering the hand down, the brunette also brought down all of L’s hope at a concrete resolution. His eyes, his lips, they shook with quiet devastation.
And to top it off, Light smiled.
A bitter, comfortless smile.
L couldn’t even bring himself to cry.