Chapter Text
“Shall I give you some space? It’s okay if you need time on your own.” Emi speaks softly to her husband.
Han-Shik throws his phone and expels a huge sigh with force, clenching his fists. “Fuck sake!”
Emi is always in two minds when her husband is like this. Should she stay to help or leave to give him space? She could see why he used to go out, drink and find some random person to sleep with as a coping mechanism… he’d stopped both of those since they were married but since Ryan died, he hadn’t been able to use the punchbag at Smart-Let or have time to go to the gym. Emi vented to her friend, Su-Ah, about Nuri. She needed to release her anger at the supposed mother who had raised a son who was unable to deal with his emotions. Emi didn’t want to bother Jara, who was up to her eyes in wedding preparations and it wasn’t fair for her to slate Nuri to Han-Shik who couldn’t deal with anything when it came to his mother. Su-Ah was her sounding board. A friend who would be honest but kind. A friend who wouldn’t judge or ask Emi whether Han-Shik had aimed his aggression at her?! Anyone that knew her would know that she would be filing for divorce with no room for a second chance if he had, so there wasn’t any point in asking such a question.
The friendly chat over a chai latte was insightful as Emi gained Su-Ah’s opinions on the situation. There was no way that Han-Shik would accept psychological help so that was out of the question and Emi wasn’t skilled enough to counsel him. She would focus on learning the possible triggers and all she could do was be there for him if he wanted her to be there. Notable improvements had been witnessed and that gave Emi hope that they could overcome anything, including the past.
The phone call from Jungkook was always going to set Han-Shik off and Emi had sat silently in the lounge while her husband paced and tried not to explode.
“Fuck!!” he exclaims again as if his wife wasn’t in the same room.
Emi stands, “I’ll be in my office if you need me.” She informs him quietly.
Han-Shik looks over at her, “Don’t leave…”
Emi’s heart sings… it shouldn’t because her husband is clearly hurting but he reaches out to her more and more these days and it feels like they are really turning many corners. “Tell me what you need? What can I do?” Most of the time she wanted to hear it from him, a tactic that made him stop and think. It was her way of making it clear that she was there for him whilst encouraging him to accept her help.
Han-Shik still battles with the fight inside him, his own feelings and emotions at war with each other as he tries not to be hostile but not knowing how to be? He does feel closer to Emi and on a day to day basis, affection comes more naturally, sex has become more intimate and so much more than just sex as Emi finds her confidence. The love he has for her grows, he’s sure that is what is happening or that’s what Kyong said when he quizzed him about his marriage and upon reflection, he agreed.
His face softens as he looks into his wife’s beautiful eyes. “I don’t know… this… is all too much.”
Emi takes a chance and walks closer, arms wide open, offering her physical presence. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Han-Shik opens up his body in response. It’s an automatic gesture that appears natural and subconscious. He buries his nose in Emi’s hair and breathes in the scent of rosehip and citrus. “It’s not being sold but it is, really.”
Emi holds her husband tight, “What do you mean?”
“The record company have agreed to pay the monthly amount which is basically like paying a mortgage payment so Kook is still selling it, however you look at it. The deeds will be transferred to the foundation.”
“Jungkook was never going to move back here though, was he?”
Han-Shik pulls away sharply and walks to the windows, “No… I know that! I don’t even fucking know what I thought he would do with it!! Maybe I thought he would offer it to me? But Ryan didn’t want me to have it or he’d have left it to me! There hasn’t been any consideration about me and my feelings!! I spent longer in that fucking house than those two! Even when I got the apartment, I spent time in that house with her! Maybe I don’t want it turned into a fucking refuge for homeless kids!”
Emi takes a breath and a small, sympathetic smile appears on her face. She holds her hands out and takes a few steps towards Han-Shik who sighs before meeting her halfway and embracing her once again. “Sorry” he mumbles into her hair.
“Han… it’s okay to feel the way you feel. What would you have done with the house if you’d been given it? We don’t need it and I wouldn’t be thrilled about living there. We have this beautiful apartment and this is our home. We already have other properties to make decisions about.”
“I don’t know what I would have done with the house…” Han-Shik’s voice is quieter now, “... I wouldn’t want to live there either. I have a lot of memories there… some bad and some good. When Kook left, the house felt suffocating, which was strange because of its size. Maybe I didn’t look at it the same way after that? Maybe things changed? I don’t know.”
“Have you thought that perhaps this is about your relationship with your brother or mother, instead of being about the house?” Emi holds on tighter, expecting him to pull free again.
“What are you trying to say?” Han-Shik adjusts himself so he can look at his wife face on, “You can hold on as much as you like but if I wanted to I could move away.”
“I know you could… can’t blame a girl for trying though?” Emi says, pressing her lips together in a miniscule smile, “... what I meant was… perhaps your feelings about the house aren’t necessarily about the house but about the people. Han… you have fought to be in control of yourself because when Jungkook left, it took something away from you. Nuri has pulled strings and had a lot of say in the decisions you were making and the opinions you had so it makes a lot of sense that you need to regain that control… focus on the things you can change… let go what you can’t.”
Han-Shik understood that one of his biggest battles was the fight for self-autonomy, yet most of the time it was difficult to see the wood through the trees, especially when his responses were explosive. “We are so different.”
“Who is?”
“Me and Kook.”
“What makes you say that?”
“He doesn’t want the house. He doesn’t want money from it. He isn’t going to profit, financially from the house at all.”
“He isn’t? But I thought you said that the company were going to be paying a monthly amount?”
“They are. It’s a ridiculous amount. You couldn’t find a property for that and I doubt they will ever pay off the amount the house is worth if we sold it. Kook was suggesting the Jeonse system…” He kisses his wife’s forehead when she appears confused, “... that’s where a tenant puts down a percentage of the value of the property for the duration of the lease. Kook said that he would have been happy for the company to put 30% down and for that to be it… THIRTY PER CENT! THIRTY! Of the value of that house! But surprisingly, Shadow Sounds opted for a monthly amount instead, which means they will pay more eventually than they would have done if they’d accepted the 30% offer.”
“How is Jungkook not profiting financially though?”
“The money is going into a bank account for that boy living at the diner.”
“Sukmin?”
“If you say so?”
“That’s lovely.”
“It’s stupidity.”
“Why? Don’t you see the magnitude of his decision? Think about all the kids that will be helped because of that house. I’m presuming that the company are going to do something like they did in Seoul, with Safe Haven?”
“Yes, that’s what the plan is. Some kind of LGBTQ boarding place.”
“Han… there could be boys like you and Kook who don’t have safety at home or who need someone to talk to… it’s a great thing. You know the statistics… you know better than any of us what happens to some people who can’t live with themselves.”
Han-Shik sighs, “I doubt that a gay house would’ve stopped Jaeil from jumping off that bridge.”
“You don’t know that?! Having a safe place to go to where he felt accepted might have made the difference.”
Han-Shik can see Emi’s point but he doubts that such a place would have made a big difference to the life of his friend. Jaeil was a guy he’d met at high school and they’d ended up in the same classes throughout business school. They’d graduated with the same honours and then they’d gone their separate ways when Han-Shik started at Smart-Let and learning the family business. Fate had other plans and Han-Shik bumped into Jaeil one night at a bar, neither of them knowing that the other was a part of the LGBTQ+ community. They’d stayed in touch, had drinks together and casual sex. It was a ‘friends with benefits’ situation more than anything with neither of them committing to anything deeper. Jaeil was spiralling outside of his friendship with Han-Shik and Han-Shik had no idea. Jaeil lost his job when colleagues found out he was gay, he enlisted for the mandatory military service at that time and it was during that period that he took leave and jumped from a bridge.
It wasn’t until the funeral and speaking to his close family and friends that it was obvious that no-one really knew his sexuality. He’d kept a diary of his thoughts and the despair was evident, even if the only brightness throughout was Jaeil’s attraction for Han-Shik and one other man that he fancied from afar.
Emi knows how prickly her husband can get when the past comes up. There are certain topics that are difficult to talk about, with emotions attached, Han-Shik is reluctant to open those doors.
“What happens now? Did Jungkook say?” She asks.
“I can clear the house… the lawyer is going to contact me.”
“You get the keys?”
“Kook said I can deal with the contents.”
“That's a good thing, isn't it?”
“It's the least he could do!” Han-Shik sighs.
“Han, this isn't Jungkook’s fault.”
“I know that!”
Emi ignores the tone he uses. She knows it isn't aimed at her but she always takes time to process it. She trusts that her relationship is not the focus of Han-Shik’s frustration. “Does he want anything from the house?”
“No. He doesn't want anything to do with it. He said he left it when he was eighteen and took all he needed… which fucked me off… his fucking brothers were left behind!!”
“Did you tell him that?”
“What?”
Emi rubs her husband’s back, a physical reminder that she was with him. “Did you explain how you feel? That you were part of what Jungkook walked away from?”
“No. We've hashed all that out before. He will say he didn't leave us.”
“Do you believe that?”
“Yeah, of course. He thought we were on eomma's side and that we were complicit. The truth is that we had no idea what was happening.”
“Jungkook knows that now. You all have the truth. Your Appa has gone, your Eomma has been found out and Ryan is gone. Maybe when you empty the house, it will help you move on?”
Han-Shik rests his chin on the top of his wife's head. “Will you help?”
“If you want me to?”
“I don't know where to start and I don't trust anyone else. Eomma is still calling my other phone and sending messages. At least Appa was true to himself, took Ryan's deal and disappeared.”
“No desire to contact him?”
“None. I couldn't trust a word he said. He brings nothing to my life.”
“Are we still going to the wedding?” Emi really hoped the answer was ‘yes’ because she really wanted to go with her husband instead of alone. She had a plan with Jara if she did have to travel alone. It didn’t bother her as such, she just felt it was important that Han-Shik attended. It would be their chance to meet everyone they’ve heard about and she hoped that they would be embraced as Kyong and Jara had been.
“Yes, we are going. I think it’s important that we are seen as a united family. We have been divided by everyone in our lives, past and present…” he kisses the top of Emi’s head, “... it’s about time that stopped.”
***
“You stink of sex!” Ash laughs as Jungkook walks past him into his apartment.
“I do not!” is the reply, whilst immediately regretting his decision to visit his best friend.
“Did you shower before you came over?”
“Of course I did!” Jungkook rolls his eyes.
“You need to change your shower gel, unless it is ‘sex scented’”
“Are you jealous?” the dancer asks, kicking off his shoes and slipping into the provided sliders.
“Maybe…” Ash giggles, “... Haven’t had any in the last couple of weeks.”
“Being with a woman, aren’t you used to periods of no sex depending on the time of the month?”
“We aren’t all sex addicts like you, Kookie Monster…”
“I am hardly a sex addict.”
“That’s not what your husband said this morning when I dropped Heeju at Aura.”
Jungkook should’ve known! He thought that Ash was ‘assuming’ that they’d had sex that morning… he was always making crude comments and it could’ve been coincidence… obviously not!
“I don’t want to know what he said…” Jungkook helps himself to coffee in the modern, spacious kitchen, “... where’s Ruby?”
“New tyres. It was good to see that KTH has fully recovered.” Ash says with a sarcastic laugh. He found it all very amusing and he knew full well that his best friend would be attending to the CEO’s every need.
“The tattoos haven’t healed fully but we just moisturise a couple of times a day now. We don’t have to wash them like we did in the first three days.” He chose to ignore the use of the word ‘recovered’.
“What’s it like, being inked?”
“Itchy… at the moment.”
“You are a total sex symbol now, you know?” Ash takes a cup of coffee from his best friend and hops up onto one of the stools. “Thanks, Smiler isn’t as good at making coffee.”
“Please don’t call me a sex symbol again, it’s cringy.”
“Not my words.”
“Get your own words then. Stop copying my husband.”
Ash laughs, the sound echoing in the expanse of the room. “How does he run a business when he floats around like a loved up idiot?”
Jungkook smiles and huffs with amusement in response. “I’ve wondered the same thing. You did see him before he officially starts work though so maybe he switches on CEO mode at 8am?”
“Maybe the office shower room is like the telephone box for Clark Kent…” the comparison and image in his head makes him giggle, “... KTH comes out of it as CEO, Marketing guru, extraordinaire.”
“That’s actually funny!” the dancer sips on his coffee, “I don’t think it’s quite as extreme as Superman but I bet Stefan would agree with you.”
“There’s no way he’s pitching for that contract today in the state he was in when I saw him.”
“State? You are so dramatic!”
“Okay, so maybe that’s an exaggeration. But he was all dreamy looking. I asked if he’d had a late night and if it was worth it? Then he said that the early start this morning was also worth it… and then he blamed lack of sleep on being married to a sex symbol.”
Jungkook’s cheeks flare up and he takes a deep breath to try and combat it but he was yet to find anything that works to control his embarrassment, aside from spending time isolated from people like Ash… and Emery… and his husband! “I did say that I didn’t want to know what Tae said.”
“”Yeah but where’s the fun in that?”
Jungkook rolls his eyes, “Haven’t you got better things to do than take the piss out of me?”
“I’ve always got other things to do but you are the gift that keeps on giving, Kookie Monster. You should be used to it by now.”
“Sadly, I am. Has the wedding stuff died down now or is it still driving you mad?”
“Which wedding?”
“What? How many are there?”
“Mine? Your brother’s?”
“Yours? Have you set a date?”
“Not yet but I need to ask you about getting married on your island.”
“Please don’t call it ‘my island.”
Ash has a glint in his eye… something else that he finds amusing. Never in his wildest dreams would he have predicted that their lives would be like this if someone had asked him five years ago. “It is your island. KTH bought it for you and named it after you… sort of.”
“Tae bought it for us… he was looking for a holiday home for us. If we got divorced, it would stay with him as he bought it.”
“But you won’t get divorced.”
“No-one knows what the future holds… but I doubt it. If I was married to you, we would definitely be getting divorced.”
“You don’t know that! I am a fantastic boyfriend so I will be a fantastic husband. I wouldn’t put up with your shit.”
“Is that what Heeju tells you?”
“When she’s not grumpy she does.” Ash giggles.
“What does she tell you when she’s grumpy?”
“To fuck off?” Ash laughs, “You know what girls can be like… or maybe not?”
Jungkook shakes his head, “I can’t say that I do. Hormone shit?”
Ash shrugs his shoulders, “Dunno… probably… or wedding stuff… she’s the only person I know who takes on more at work and doesn’t find that stressful.”
“Is she still helping Jara?”
“That’s all died down now, I think? I love how your brother’s wedding has caused me more stress than it has you.”
Jungkook hops off the stool to make more coffee. He looks in the cupboard for a different type of drip bag. “There’s no need for it to cause me stress. Kyong told me what was happening and that’s it. So… what about your wedding?”
Ash huffs and throws his arms in the air, “Ugh! We don’t have a date we want something small… I don’t want a big fuss.”
“Heeju is agreeing to that?”
“Yeah. Ara would murder us if we eloped and I don’t want to rob Marie of being mother of the groom again but I don’t want something really big. I’ve hardly got a shit load of family and friends.”
Jungkook pauses. It goes without saying that they are lucky to have the chosen family that they have but at the very bare bones of it, an event like organising your wedding must be a reminder of the family lost. Jungkook could relate somewhat but his parents were alive and uninvited. For Ash it was different and that must be hard for him. “You want me to see if it’s possible to hold the wedding on Ma’Ohi?”
“Yeah. We thought that we could fly everyone out there? Sukmin has never been on a plane and I doubt Billy and Marie have had anything that resembles a holiday in decades! That island has a personal link now, too… sort of a ‘family thing’.”
“I think it’s a great idea.” Jungkook quite liked the thought of everyone going for a special occasion. He knew that Tae wanted them to go out to Ma‘Ohi on their own, first, which could still be done. They could leave before everyone else and spend a few days there, then greet family and friends as they arrived.
“You do?” Ash and Heeju had gone around in circles trying to decide when the best time would be to have the wedding and then where? Originally, a winter wedding seemed like a fun idea with Heeju getting carried away with arriving on a sleigh and having snow, so they started looking for a venue in the mountains. Then they did a complete U-turn because neither wanted something big and fancy but Euphoria was out of the question as the one thing Heeju did want, was some kind of originality with a holiday thrown in. They agreed that tying in the honeymoon with the wedding would be great, pretty much like Taehyung and Jungkook had done for their second ceremony.
“Yeah! Tae is itching to get out there to check it out…” he rolls his eyes just thinking about the conversations he’d had with his husband about gyms and glass walls, “... he’s had a meeting with Gi-Hun about holiday package ideas and he…”
Ash’s laughter interrupts the dancer, cutting him off abruptly, “Oh my god! Kookie Monster… you can’t even say the dude’s name without looking disgusted!”
“That isn’t true. Anyway, there’s nothing to be jealous of… more fool him for letting someone like Tae slip through his fingers.”
“You are hilarious!! Is that the little chant you repeat in your head when Gi-Hun is mentioned?”
“Fuck off, Ash!”
“Continue… KTH… holiday packages…”
Jungkook glares at his best friend, waiting for silence, making sure he wasn’t about to add another remark before he continued.
He wasn’t jealous! He would refute that every time. He was grateful that Gi-Hun helped them at the airport and he had seen for himself that the man had no lingering feelings for Taehyung… how he didn’t, Jungkook would not understand but he was glad of that.
Who in their right mind could look at the CEO in his suit and not get an instant erection?
Jungkook couldn’t be certain that Gi-Hun didn’t get hard when he met with Tae but he didn’t want to think about that…
… what he had seen was a guy who functioned like a normal human being around his husband and didn’t act like a love sick teenager or a scorned ex… or like Asnee, who was simply fucking annoying!
“Once Tae has an idea of holiday packages he is going to speak to someone at Yang travel because he wants the company to handle the bookings for the island. Purple Aura can do the advertising for Yang travel or handle their website, so it benefits everyone… what?”
“Nothing, Kookie Monster.” he grins.
“Ash… what? Just fucking say it…”
“You sound so professional. Like you actually know what you’re talking about.”
“Thanks… is that it?”
“For now.”
“Okay, so I don’t know when bookings will start or when the place will be ready for tourists. I’ll speak to Tae tonight. I think it would be nice if we had a special occasion there before other people stayed there.”
“Sounds like a plan, Kookie Monster. Thanks,..” Ash smiles. He was looking forward to it and having it all on the island meant little to no organisation or fuss required. “... Before I forget, did you know that Smiler got the bar manager job?”
“No! That’s great. Even though… I thought he was already manager?”
“Acting! This is an actual official role and he’s being paid accordingly. His parents are now not so pleased because they thought the whole ‘running a bar’ thing was temporary but it seems not. He’s had the whole ‘your education was a waste of money’ speech but he was born to be a bar owner! He’s had Sukmin helping him create mocktails. He’s hoping that his parents will get over it and help him out to buy his own place but they aren’t there yet.”
“Didn’t Smiler say once that making cocktails was like a science experiment? Can’t he sell it to his parents like that? My science degree is useful because in this cocktail, the formula is..."
“I think he’s avoiding them at the moment. His eomma sent Phoenix a message last week and invited them for lunch.”
“Oh! That’s funny!”
“It’s Phoenix’s birthday on 17th February and he’s being a total dick about it…” Ash shakes his head, “... it’s their first one together so it has to be special and he’s being all dramatic.”
Jungkook can’t stop the laughter that comes out of his mouth. He is surrounded by dramatic people who accuse everyone else of being dramatic. “What does he want to do for her? It’s Hobi’s birthday on the 18th February and Emery is taking him to this spa in a cave.”
“Spa in a cave?”
“It was something like that. I get selective hearing around Emery because he was talking about it being a nudist place and how he’s booked them in for massages and to be oiled and waxed and… I don’t know.”
“You mean that Emery started telling you about the weird and wonderful ways he was planning on having sex and you went red and stupid?”
“Thanks… and of course sex was mentioned! It is Emery! Back to Smiler… what’s he planning?”
“So far… everything but nothing definite.”
“I don’t think that Phoenix is the type of person who wants grand gestures.”
“No she isn’t. He wants it to be special though. They nearly make me as sick as you and KTH.”
“Says the guy who proposed to his girlfriend at the boarding gate of an airport?”
“Fuck off, Kookie Monster! That was pure class!”
“The C word you were looking for was cringe, not class.”
“Haters gonna hate!”
“Are you still going to live here after you’re married?”
Ash hadn’t really thought about it, but then he hadn’t given the proposal any thought at the time either. He was currently getting married, having proposed but not really, just taking everything in his stride. “I think so. We haven’t discussed moving out… we’ve only just moved in.”
“How are you finding it? Living with someone.”
“I lived with you for years?”
Jungkook’s eyes roll, “But we weren’t in a relationship! It’s different and you know it.”
“You nagged me like we were in a relationship.”
“Because you are the most untidy person I’ve ever met… actually… no… there’s Smiler… you’re one of the untidiest.”
“This place is clean and tidy! Thank you!” Ash knows that everything his best friend says is true and he also knows that the apartment is as it is because of Heeju, mainly. “Living with someone is interesting.”
Jungkook giggles, “Isn’t it? You’re going to be doing this forever now. Asking Heeju to marry you is like saying, ‘I want to live with you forever’,”
“I’m totally ready for it. She is… I don’t know… like a dream! I feel like I’m ten foot tall when I’m with her. We went to this work lunch thing. I don’t know who the people were but it was a legal thing. I’m a trainee pathologist but she introduced me like she was the proudest woman on earth to have me by her side. Thankfully one of the guys brought his wife and she was a forensic pathologist so I could talk to someone in the same language… all that legal shit… I have no idea!”
“Heeju is proud to be with you. She talks about you all the time. Kyong said that Jara’s mother knows all about you… pumpkin.”
“That’s just my name in public, you should hear what she calls me in the bedroom!”
Jungkook puts his fingers in his ears, “No! Thanks! Keep that shit to yourself.”
“She called me lots of great things as we saw in the new year together…” he winks, mot knowing or caring whether Jungkook could actually hear him or not, “...we did not get any sleep!”
Jungkook opens his eyes that were screwed up, “Finished?”
“You are funny, Kookie Monster.”
“Whatever.”
“Are you seeing Kyong before the wedding?”
Jungkook shrugs his shoulders, “I don’t know. It’s his birthday on the 10th so I might suggest lunch or coffee but I don’t think that either of us has much time. He told me to visit the new offices so I could take lunch there… I’m going to the diner later so I’ll ask Jara if she has any plans for him.”
“Is Han-Shik coming to the wedding?”
“Yeah… if he’s talking to me. I called him and told him what’s happening with the house in Busan and I don’t think he was happy about it. I’ve told him he can go in and clear what he wants and to leave with whatever he doesn’t want but he was his usual rude self.”
“Probably because he wanted everything left to him. You do know that you totally stole his thunder?”
“I didn’t steal anything! It’s not my problem that Ryan was scheming for years and wanted to make up for making life so miserable that I left… which is basically what happened.”
Jungkook had given it all too much thought since the will reading. He’d spoken to Tae and others and no matter how many times he tried to ignore it… tried to push away the house that he didn’t want… it was what it was and Ryan felt that he was owed it. Billy said that Ryan probably left the house to Jungkook because he knew that he wouldn’t be greedy, that he would do something good with it and that he wouldn’t give it to Nuri. Ryan would have suspected that Jungkook wouldn't want the house therefore he was the best person to give it to.
So, what would Ryan think of what he was doing with it?
Jungkook would never know and it didn’t matter anymore. He felt good about what he was doing with it and many would benefit from it, which is all he wanted.