Chapter Text
The diner had a decent flow of customers as Ash’s laughter is heard, “You’re a brave man.” He says to Emery who had arranged to meet Jungkook for breakfast.
“Is he still pretending to be mad at me?” Emery grins, fingers adjusting the floral patterned silk scarf around his neck.
“He is. It’s all an act.” Ash states.
“We all know that my suggestion made his shopping experience much better so I’ll let him maintain his pretence.” Emery winks.
“He’s just upstairs getting lunch from Marie. He'll be down soon. Did you tell KTH to get the lingerie or was that all his own idea?”
“That was all Taehyung. All that I did was suggest he found a way to make the experience fun for him. I didn’t mention HOW he should do that.”
“Before I say anymore… do you know what KTH did?” Ash thought he’d better check first, just in case. He dragged it out of Jungkook but he wasn’t sure who knew what.
“I’m presuming you mean the toy?” Emery says quietly.
“Yeah.”
“Taehyung had spoken to Seokie about it. I thought it was genius! I’m quite proud to be responsible.” He smiles and winks.
Ash laughs, “So you should be. Kookie Monster will create a fuss but he’ll soon calm down. He’s all hot air most of the time.”
“He can say and do whatever he likes but we all know that he wasn’t complaining once they were home. Maybe he should get some fantasies and then he can live out some of those instead of relying on Taehyung’s. I mean, who doesn’t have fantasies, right?”
“Did he tell you that he doesn’t have any fantasies?” Ash laughs.
“He did.”
“He’s a liar! He does! We’ve had guy chats about stuff like that AND I caught him dressed up in lingerie once.”
“Interesting.” Emery replies.
“I doubt it…” Jungkook says as he joins the two men and hears Emery, “... especially if it’s coming from Ash.”
“Rude.” Ash beams.
“Come on then, we’ll sit over there so you can tell me what a bad friend I am for spicing up your shopping trip.” Emery grins.
Jungkook rolls his eyes, “Are you joining us, Ash?”
“Unfortunately not. I’ve got those forms to fill in for my final year and a CV to sort out for internships.”
“Good luck with it. I’ll catch up with you later.”
Ash waves and heads off while Jungkook and Emery walk over to a booth where it’s quiet.
“Why are you looking at me like that? At no time did I tell Taehyung to buy a plug.”
“You may as well have done. He handed me the remote in the middle of a mall.”
“And?”
“And… it was in the middle of a mall!”
“Look, JK… your boyfriend hates shopping and he needed to make it appealing.”
“I am sure there were other options.”
Emery giggles, “Other options that wouldn’t have resulted in amazing sex afterwards.”
“How do you know we had amazing sex afterwards?”
“I didn’t, it was a guess but now I do know so you can quit complaining. I’ve told you before, you should feel proud that you’ve got Kim Taehyung bending over for you at any opportunity. The man is so much in love with you.”
Jungkook blushes, “Yeah well… I’m in love with him, too.”
“How did it go with the bank card? Did you accept it? That was my idea.”
“Yeah I did. He didn’t sell it very well to start with. He said that he hadn’t had issues paying for things in the past with people but now it makes him uncomfortable because of me.”
Emery’s expression says ‘what?’ and has a tint of cynicism, “Wow! He really made a mess of that.”
“He got there eventually. I still feel a bit weird that I make him uncomfortable but I took the card.”
“That’s not what he meant though? He just feels awkward because he wants to spoil you rotten but he knows how that makes you feel. Taehyung is trying to find ways to give you the world without upsetting you.”
“It amounts to the same thing, Emery. It doesn’t matter how you say it. It is my adversity to being a gold digger that causes the issues. If I allowed him to pay for everything and stood by like a good little boyfriend, there’s no problem at all.”
Emery semi laughs, “Why does it have to be such extremes? Gold digger or opposing everything offered? Taehyung knows you aren’t a gold digger and he knows you would never take advantage of him. He also knows that you would accept and love him if he lost everything tomorrow… so when he offers to help or wants to treat you, it’s with a lot of thought and he knows there’s a chance you will oppose it but it’s who he is.”
The casting director’s words hit Jungkook hard and he looked down at the table between them. “Is it really so bad to want to stand on my own two feet and support myself?”
“No, definitely not. I understand why you are the way that you are, JK and honestly? You being that way is probably the best thing for Taehyung because he’s so used to people who take advantage and take without giving anything in return but now he has you who doesn’t take everything… but you give him yourself which is worth so much more than a stupid gift. You could buy him anything in the world, pay his rent for him, take him to expensive restaurants and whatever else but anyone can do that but giving him you and trusting him with that is worth so much more.”
“I suppose I get so hung up on not being that person to take from him because it makes me feel like shit that I find it difficult to see what I dp give him.”
“He could live without his money but I have a sneaking suspicion that he would have a hard time living without you in his life.”
“And there lies the problem. I hear what you’re saying and I believe you… I believe him… but… I don’t understand why?”
“Do you need to understand why?”
“Erm… I don’t know.” he says with a shrugging of his shoulders.
Emery takes a sip of the green tea that is brought to the table before he answers. “I don’t think you need to understand why he couldn’t live without you, you just need to accept that he sees something in you that you don’t see in yourself. Take my relationship with Seokie… I know he loves me and he wouldn’t be without me. I know that because he tells me. I also know because no one gives blow jobs like I do… but the point is that just knowing that’s how he feels makes me feel good and there’s every chance that one day he could change his mind but I have no control over that. I will love him and continue as I am because he loves me and this is who we are.”
Jungkook smiles, “I could be better at blow jobs than you are, you know?”
“Yeah, you could very well be… should we ask Taehyung if he’d like to find out?”
Jungkook’s forehead instantly forms deep creases as he frowns, “Absolutely not!”
Emery laughs, “I don’t think I’ve ever been so fond of a friend before… please don’t change who you are.”
“That wasn’t funny.”
“It was. You didn’t even think about what I’d said just before that… I’m very much in love with my boyfriend, thank you and I have no desire to suck your boyfriend off. So… what are your Valentine's plans?”
“No, I didn't think about it. You suggested giving my man a blow job… that pissed me off.”
“Really? I didn’t notice… Valentines?”
“Tae is taking me onto Euphoria, I think for the weekend, we go tomorrow afternoon.”
“Euphoria?”
“The yacht.”
“Oh! Is that what you called it?”
“You suggested I thought of Tae when it came to names and that’s the title of a song I’ve sang for him.”
“Awwwww… oh my god, that’s so cute.”
Jungkook gives his friend a ‘really?’ look, “That’s what he wanted the panties for.” His cheeks heat a little.
“Ooooh! So he bought panties! You’d mentioned the lingerie shop but not what he bought.”
“Oh… I thought I had. Doesn’t matter.”
Emery sits forwards, interested now more than ever, “What kind of panties? Did you get some? Is that a fantasy of yours?”
Jungkook waves his hands at his friend, “What? No… wait… what?”
“Wanting your boyfriend in sexy lingerie could very well be a fantasy and Ash said you liked dressing up?”
“Ugh! That was a costume for a performance! If I charged for every time I’ve had to say that, I’d be the one with a yacht.”
“I don’t know if I believe you.”
“You believe what you like. What are your valentines plans?”
“It’s something you could help me with actually. I’ve been learning a dance and keep getting stuck at one point.”
“A dance? For valentines?”
“I’m going to perform a striptease.”
“Oh… okay… what do you need help with?”
“I’m adept at removing my clothes so that part is okay. There’s this move where I kind of squat and I feel like I’m eighty years old when I try and stand up from that position.”
Jungkook laughs a little too loudly, “You aren’t giving me much time, it’s only a few days away. When are you doing it?”
“Monday? Breakfast and dancing? Or lunch and dancing? My plan is to do it Monday evening as we are both finishing work early.”
“I’m due to spend the morning at St Georges so stop by anytime or come to Tae’s first thing?”
“Yours.”
“What?”
“It isn’t Taehyung’s anymore… you live there.”
“You know what I mean!”
“I’ll stop by and bring breakfast.”
“Okay.” Jungkook confirms before drinking the rest of his coffee. His chats with Emery usually give him a lot of food for thought and this one has been no different. He doesn’t have the time to ponder now though as he gets ready for a day on campus.
****
“You never drink alcohol during the day, what’s going on?” Namjoon asks as he sits in the chair opposite Jin on the roof of a five star hotel.
“I can drink with lunch.” Jin answers as he browses the options for food.
“Jin, I’ve known you far too long. Was the nude shoot bad?”
“No, it went well. I wasn’t fully nude. I had to wear some flesh coloured underwear, which was absolutely grotesque. When I saw the garment, I was going to state my preference for actually being naked.”
Namjoon laughs, “I’m so surprised that you didn’t demand to change it.”
“The staff on-set were pretty good so it went to the back of my mind eventually.”
“They must have been exceptional staff if they stopped you from throwing a tantrum.”
“It is helpful to have staff that are good at what they do when you are the only one practically nude.”
“Were you working with that guy you were telling us about at the fundraiser? Is that why you didn’t flounce on-set?” Namjoon was proud of himself for having such a lightbulb moment.
“He was on-set but it had nothing to do with him.” Jin had almost forgotten what he’d told the group that night at the fundraiser and blamed the copious amount of champagne.
“What’s with the secrecy? You are allowed to like a colleague, you know? Does that mean if you bring him to a function that there will be a gang of three of you?”
“Three?” Jin says in confusion.
“Models. You, P.J and your love interest.”
Jin is quick to respond. “He is not my love interest, I barely know him and I’m not sure he’s my type.”
“Jin, you never speak about someone in a way that gives us the impression that you like them. The last guy that we met who was remotely decent was the chef. You’ve not dated anyone since him.”
“Do you have to say it like that? He was a Michelin chef, not just any chef and he was damn good at what he did.”
“So you told us.” Namjoon says with a wink.
“What’s the news with you and P.J? Things looked cosy at the fundraiser.”
Namjoon smiles instantly, sitting back in his chair. “He is amazing. Jo said he had heart eyes but I don’t think so. You models are practically actors so I’m not buying it.”
There’s a break in conversation while Jin orders food and gets them both another drink. He goes straight back to the topic once the waiter has left them alone.
“We are not actors. Are you suggesting that P.J is faking his feelings for you?”
“No, I wouldn’t accuse him of that. I’m just saying it may not be as it seems or perhaps Jo read it wrongly.”
“Have you got plans for Valentines?”
“I’m cooking at my place. I’m hoping to get him into bed.”
Jin looks surprised, “Why do you say it like that? Haven’t you fucked him yet?”
“Do you have to say it like that while looking so shocked?”
“He was so touchy feely at the fundraiser, I just presumed you had.”
“No, we’ve done a lot but not gone the whole way. We’ve gotten very close to it.”
“Why haven’t you?”
“We agreed to wait until we were official.”
“But you’re not? Official?” Jin downs the last of his drink. This all sounds far too complicated.
“Not yet.” Namjoon says, leaning forwards so he can remove his royal blue blazer.
“Are you going to ask him to be official? Is that what you’re saying?”
“I’d like us to be official. Jin, it’s been so long since I had someone that I’ve wanted to have as my partner and the last one was a woman. I think I’ve forgotten how to be with a man.”
“That’s the easy bit. It’s like riding a bike. Do you know his preference?”
“We haven’t spoken about it but he knows I’m versatile.”
“He’s a bottom.” Jin chips in.
Namjoon glares at his friend, “You said you hadn’t fucked him!”
Jin laughs, “Calm down! I haven’t but models talk, Joon. I do know that he is very well respected, he doesn't put it about easily but those he has slept with say he’s a bottom.”
“Oh… thanks. That suits me, given my previous two partners.”
“You’ve gotta make it happen now. Good luck.”
“Have you got valentines plans?”
“I’ve got a brief photoshoot in the early afternoon. Alan has asked if I’d have some photos taken at the Centre for their advertising campaign.”
“I was there yesterday, it looks fantastic. Alan said they’re waiting on some final building works and some contracts for new staff and he hopes they will be given an opening date.”
“I was going to speak to Tae about organising something on TaTa in aid of birthdays, the centre and his living situation. We should include Yoon and Mochi’s engagement, too.”
“Tae sold TaTa.”
“What happened at new year? I thought you were on the yacht?”
“He had a new yacht, you should see it! Much bigger. We didn’t get to see it properly because Tae had it cleared for the party.”
“I’ll speak to him. I’m staying in the country for a while. I need to sort my management situation out and there’s more than enough here to keep me busy. Are we attending A.P.E this year?”
Namjoon scoffs, “I would rather attend it than watch it on tv like we did that year that the presenter kept saying ‘Advertising Prestige Event’ literally raising his voice to say ‘prestige’. No one deemed it necessary.”
“I’ll bring that up with Tae as well, then. I know Purple Aura will sweep the board but it depends if Tae wants to go.”
“How long are you staying?”
“There isn’t anything long haul for several months. I will definitely plan a flight away once Yoon goes on tour. Mochi will be wedding planning AND he’ll have the Serendipity extension once that all goes through.”
“Aren’t they reasons to stay around? To support your friends?”
“Mochi can be supported from afar.”
“No, I was talking about us because we’ll be left to deal with him!”
“I’ll tell him that.” Jin laughs.
Namjoon laughs too, “I’ll fucking tell him.”
Alcohol or not, this was just what Jin needed. The nude photoshoot had gone very well and Muyeol had put him at ease all along. The sheer flesh coloured fabric underwear didn’t leave anything to the imagination and he may as well have been naked but it wasn’t that that bothered him. The photographer was friendly and flirty just as he had been in the barista place but only when they were alone. When others were around them, Muyeol was aloof and Jin wondered if that’s when he became invisible and chose to sit back and observe? It was strange because most people were the opposite, overly flirtatious when they had an audience and quiet when alone. Muyeol certainly had garnered his attention.
He’d wanted to tell Namjoon more about the photographer but the words stuck in his throat and it was easier to let his friends believe that the guy peaking his interest was a model just like him. Jin is an intelligent man and it hadn’t escaped him that he wasn’t much better than Taehyung was at the first charity gala when he led them to believe that Jungkook was an escort. Maybe Tae had taken the easy way out instead of correcting them? Jin understood that now because that’s exactly what he was doing.
****
Jungkook was exhausted, sitting on the floor of the dance studio, glugging down his second bottle of water. He’d been thinking about Valentines because every time he spoke to someone, that’s all anyone could talk about these days. The only saving grace for once had been Ash who was single and had declared that valentines was overrated but it didn’t really help with his decision on what to get for Taehyung. He didn’t want to go to the yacht without so much as a card for his boyfriend and he was considering if he could get away with a non-gift just as Tae had done at Christmas? But he was running out of time with about 24 hours to go before they were due to leave for the marina. He could probably get away with giving a non-gift and a card to his boyfriend on actual Valentines day in a couple of days, which buys him a little more time. If he could get home and get dinner cooked at a reasonable time today, he should have time to look online or maybe visit a shop.
“Kook! Phone!” one of his classmates shouted as he turned down the music.
Jungkook hadn’t heard his phone, lost in thought and preoccupied with the fact that his boyfriend expected him to choose some panties for him to wear still. “Thanks” he shouts before looking at the screen and the internal dialogue, ‘think of the devil…’
“Hey. Are you at lunch?” Jungkook says down the phone to his man.
“No, I’m walking to the car, I need to go to a meeting.”
“Will you have time to eat?”
It’s not likely. Are you on a break?”
“Tae, you need to eat. Yeah I’m having a quick break.”
“I will eat later. The meeting is about an hour away but it means I could bring dinner home?”
"I'm cooking tonight. You know that."
"But you might be tired?"
"Too tired to throw some ingredients in a pan?"
"It sounds exhausting."
"Why are you so keen for me not to cook?"
"I thought it would free up some time to spend together."
"Tae, we live together and I will have made dinner before you are home. Is there a problem with my cooking?"
"I love your cooking and I love it when we cook together."
Jungkook laughs, "You are very much mistaken, Mr Kim, we never cook together, you watch and distract."
"Is there a problem with the way in which I assist you, Chef Jeon?"
"I didn't say there was a problem with it. Besides, we haven't burned anything yet."
"I will continue to assist, in that case."
"You do that… look, Tae, I've got to go, someone is trying frantically to get my attention."
"Is everything okay?"
"I'm sure it is. I think my dance teacher wants to speak with us. I'll see you when you get home?"
"Can I make one request?"
"Sure."
"No showering until I get home… love you."
Jungkook rolls his eyes as the call ends but the smile on his face tells a different story. There are times that he can't believe that he happened to meet someone who likes it when he's sweaty and gross but there really wasn't any room for complaint.
"Jungkook, Professor Khang would like to see you in her office." The dance teacher says.
"Is everything okay?"
"Everything is fine. Don't worry."
Jungkook picks up his bag and walks with his teacher. He'd been to the Professor's office a few times, she had an open door policy for her students and was always approachable. He walked into the office behind his teacher, the desk at the far end of the room was where the professor sat smiling at him. His teacher closed the door and they took steps towards the two empty chairs beside one that was already occupied.
"Jungkook, it's so lovely to see you." The professor greets him warmly.
And that's when Jungkook felt every drop of blood drain from his body. The woman sitting in the chair turned around… it was the first time he'd laid eyes on his mother in over six years.
He was in shock. His legs stopped carrying him forwards and the teacher rushed to his side thinking he was about to faint. Jungkook’s senses fail him and couldn't be confident that he was breathing.
"Jungkook, sit down… I'll get you some water." She says softly, guiding him to the chair in front of the desk.
He doesn't sit in the chair next to his Mother, he sits in the one that leaves a chair between them. He doesn't even look at her because he suddenly feels like a child who is about to be scolded.
"Jungkook, I understand this is a shock but your Mother got in touch and we wanted very much to help reunite you." The professor says.
Jungkook doesn’t say anything as his teacher returns with a cup of ice cold water which he sips on, eyes on the desk as his beating heart is the only thing keeping him grounded.
The teacher sits between mother and son and sits quietly, keeping an eye on the man sitting beside her cradling the cup.
Nuri turns to look at Jungkook as she speaks, “You look so grown up.”
“What do you want?” he asks without looking her way.
“Jungkook, if you could just hear your Mother out. She was most distressed and anxious about this meeting and I understand how difficult it must be for you both. That is why we are here, to ease things and to help.” his teacher says beside him.
Nu-ri’s hair sits around her shoulders, her pastel pink floral dress is every bit as expensive as the label suggests. Her make-up is flawless and yet the glassiness in her eyes is clear for all to see. “I am sorry this is such a surprise but I thought you might refuse to see me if I approached you alone. I’ve been searching for you since you left and it was the Vogue article that finally gave me a lead. I’m so thankful that your professor was open to meeting with me…” Nu-ri bows her head at the lady sitting on the other side of the desk, “... I’ve dreamt of this moment, son.”
“What do you want?” He asks again.
“I would like my boy back… you are my baby boy and I’ve felt such a loss since you went. Not knowing if you were alive and not knowing where you were…” a tear falls, rolling down her face, “... I would like the chance to explain and put right whatever I have been punished for. I will give you anything you need… please, son… please come for a coffee with me so we can talk?”
“Jungkook, do you think that is something you are willing to do?” Professor Khang asks the man sitting in silence.
“She won’t give me answers.” Jungkook says adamantly.
Nuri answers quickly, “I will. I will, if you hear me out. I’ve waited six years to speak with you, I won’t waste this opportunity if you can be kind enough to allow me the chance.”
“You could go to the canteen on campus?” the teacher suggests.
“I will accept anywhere that he feels most comfortable. I’ve travelled so far for this moment.”
Jungkook feels numb. His body and mind are back to being that eighteen year old boy standing outside Ryan’s office listening to the conversation. His mind and body are stuck in the subway on that Monday when Jimin dropped money at his feet. All this time he’s thought about what he would say to his biological family if he ever saw them again and yet his mind is blank and his body appears to have vacated the premises.
“When?” He asks, eyes on the plastic cup in his hands.
“Now? We could go now. Your teacher has kindly allowed you out of the practice. She told me all about it and I’m so proud.” Nuri exclaims.
“Okay.” Jungkook says as he stands. He hasn’t looked at his Mother or made eye contact with anyone else in the room. He crushes the plastic cup in his hand and drops it in the bin as he walks towards the door with his Mother in tow.
“Jungkook, please come and see me if you need anything.” the teacher says as they leave.
The walk to the canteen feels like the green mile. He can hear his birth mother’s shoes clicking on the floor behind him. He doesn’t visit the canteen often, he prefers to meet Ash in the library or sit in one of the many seating areas outside. There’s nothing wrong with the canteen, he just never had the money and Marie always managed to provide him with lunch so he didn’t need to worry about it.
“Do you still drink coffee? A vanilla latte?” Nuri asks as they stand in front of the coffee machine.
“Yeah.” He says. He hadn’t realised that was what he’d always drank and perhaps he needed to find something new.
They get the drinks and find a table. Nuri hangs her bag over the backrest of the chair and takes her seat opposite Jungkook who still refuses to look her in the eyes.
“I’ve dreamed of this moment so many times.”
Jungkook blows on the steaming latte, “Why are you here?”
“Because I’ve missed you. I had three beautiful sons and one disappeared, that isn’t easy. I can’t put right any mistakes if I don’t know what happened. It was your birthday and I was frantic searching for you… you literally disappeared off of the face of the earth… why did you leave me?”
It’s now that Jungkook’s gaze lifts, not quite meeting her eyes but reaching her face all the same. “I heard you… you paid Appa to leave.”
“Oh, my sweet boy. Please, please tell me that is not the reason you have been missing from my life for this long?”
“You made Appa disappear.” His tone almost defiant yet hushed.
“Jungkookie, honey, please look at me… if only you’d spoken to me instead of running away. Yes, we gave him money and yes, he left.”
It’s only now that Jungkook looks his mother in the eyes, “You're not denying it?” He's genuinely surprised, expecting a level of denial at least.
“No because we did and it’s the truth. We had to save the bakery and protect your name. Jung-Yoo had an addiction, it was partly why I had to leave him to begin with. I hoped he would realise what he’d lost and get help but he just lied more to cover it up. He gambled away the business and was in so much debt. He asked to speak with Ryan at your birthday and asked him to lend him the money so he didn’t lose the bakery. He said he would check himself into a clinic he’d found. We needed to put conditions in place so he didn’t just gamble away that money too and we didn’t want you and Han-Shik being dragged into it after protecting you from it for so long. Ryan said he would rescue the bakery but only if Jung-Yoo also agreed to go to a clinic in the States that would be paid for in full. We told him that while he was in rehab, he couldn’t contact you, he needed to get well first.”
Tears spilled from his eyes, “But that’s not what I heard.” Jungkook’s mind frantically searches for the exact words he heard that day when his ear was pressed to the door.
“What did you hear? Because that’s what happened, honey.” She says softly.
Jungkook can’t be sure anymore, “He chose money over me. You made him choose.”
“We gave him the choice to take the money to get well or lose you because we couldn't allow him to drag you down.”
“I don’t believe you.” The reaction is instant even if it isn't true because he doesn't know what to believe after six years of one narrative that he'd always thought was the truth.
“Would you like me to call Kyong so he can tell you? That IS what happened, Jungkookie, honey. I can’t believe we’ve missed out on all these years because you misunderstood.”
Jungkook’s mind spirals into sheer turmoil as his Mother’s words echo in his head. “I can’t do this now.” He says, grabbing a paper napkin and pushing his chair back so he can rummage through the small pocket of his bag.
“Please, Jungkookie, baby… son… I’m so sorry that I didn’t tell you about your Father… I was trying to protect you.”
Jungkook finds what he was looking for and ignoring his Mother’s pleas he scribbles his mobile number down on the napkin and throws the pen back in his bag. “Call me when you can tell the truth… I … I don't believe you.”
He stands and looks at the pleading, now tear stained face of the woman that gave birth to him and his heart hurts.
Nu-ri reaches out but he moves away, “Jungkookie… please… please don’t walk away from me again… please… I can’t handle that again.”
Jungkook’s chest heaves as he turns away and walks quickly for the door, desperate to escape. He runs across campus, not looking behind him but sure that his Mother wouldn’t be able to give chase, anyway. He feels so lost, so alone, every part of him thrown into chaos as he can’t unhear what his Mother had just told him. He hears her pleading voice in his head and guilt tears through him for running away, like he always does.
****
The CEO hummed to himself as he exited the elevator and walked along the landing. He hadn’t realised how often he had started humming Euphoria until Stefan asked him what it was. He found the song such a calming influence and it had become special to him and them as a couple since Jungkook sang it to comfort him when he was having his moment of experiencing extreme emotion after sex. It was the most private moment, enhanced by the song and now that it was the name of the yacht, it was even more special. It didn’t matter who knew that the new yacht was called Euphoria because it was ‘their’ song, the finer details remained private to them and Taehyung loved that it was their personal secret.
He opened the door like he always did and the bile instantly rose in his throat when he walked further into the lounge area and saw a sight that he’d prayed that he would never see again. He dropped his briefcase and keys and immediately rushed to the couch where his boyfriend was curled up, wrapped in the blanket, his cheek resting on his knees facing Tae. There were a few times when he'd arrived home to find his man curled up on the couch but never with the blanket around him and in silence… that set alarm bells ringing.
Taehyung’s heart rate increased and he kept trying to swallow down the bile that repeatedly burned the back of his throat. “What’s happened? Jungkook… what’s happened?” He sounded as frantic as he felt as he knelt on the floor and reached up to wipe away the tears on Jungkook’s cheek.
The busker hadn’t known what to do or where to go. He hadn’t called anyone or even looked at his phone as he caught the bus home. He’d walked hurriedly through the lobby of the building and not looked at anyone in case they wanted to talk and his heart thumped with anxiety as he prayed that no one would start conversation as he waited for the elevator. The digital numbers on the wall were taking too long to get to 'G' and as more people stood near him he ran up the stairs instead. He didn’t care how far up it was and by the time he reached the door at the top of the stairs where he had to enter the code, he felt like he was about to collapse. He was on autopilot as he went to their bedroom and dropped his bag. The blanket was folded up in the drawer of the cabinet beside his bed and it was so desperately needed. He hadn’t even checked the time as he curled up on the couch and stared into space, wrapped in the one thing that made him feel safe, in the place where he was safe, waiting for the man he loved to come home… so he could feel safe.
But now, words failed him and he couldn’t verbalise anything. The thoughts that couldn’t become words trickled down his face and he adjusted his position, sitting against the armrest, opening his arms with a corner of the blanket in each hand in a silent invitation. Taehyung moved quickly, throwing off his shoes and sitting between Jungkook’s legs as his boyfriend encased him inside his blanket fort and rested his cheek on Tae’s shoulder.
Tae didn’t know what to do. Memories from that Monday and the weeks that followed flooded his mind and terrified him but he grounded himself because Jungkook was here and he was safe from whatever it was. Tae felt the pressure building behind his eyes because his boyfriend had let him in and even though he hadn’t spoken, his actions spoke volumes.
The CEO stared ahead. He couldn’t move his head or do anything with his hands because his arms were pinned by Jungkook’s arms wrapped around him. He could feel his boyfriend’s chest shudder everyone once in a while from the tears and his heart ached.
“Kookie… I don’t know… I don’t know what to ask… are you hurt? Please… talk to me.” His voice cracked a little as he tried to remain composed. His tone was gentle and he wished he could see Jungkook properly.
“I’m sorry… I didn’t cook.” Jungkook whispers.
“Can I move? Please… I need to see you… please?”
When Jungkook relaxes his arms and opens up once again, Tae sits up and turns himself around. His suit trousers pull tight on his thighs and crotch as he sits astride Jungkook and he doesn’t know how many times his heart is going to break when he sees the pained expression on his face and he is once again encased in the blanket.
Tae reaches a hand up between them, through the gap, careful not to move the blanket that is pulled tight around them. He wipes at the tears, “Who or what has upset you?”
“My Mother turned up.” He says so quietly.
“When? Where? Not here?” Tae doesn't know what he'd expected to hear so isn't sure how he should feel.
“No. She arranged a meeting at university.”
“Was that why you had to go when we were on the phone?”
“Yeah. My teacher had come to get me.”
“What did she want, your Mother?”
“To talk.” his voice is quiet, he feels so much but it all seems to have numbed his mind.
“You don’t have to tell me about it now, if you aren’t ready…” Tae can’t prevent the tears as they breach his eyes and roll down his cheeks. He wipes them away quickly because this isn’t about him.
“Hey… I’m… I’m sorry…” Jungkook says, adding his boyfriend’s tears to the never ending list of guilt.
“I was so scared when I saw you… thank you for coming home… thank you.” a sob leaves his throat and he’s angry with himself for making this about him but for a split second he was so scared. He knows that Jungkook could quite easily have hidden somewhere else after the shock of seeing his Mother but he came home.
“This is my safe place… you are my safe place… I’m so sorry.” He feels so broken and so guilty to have brought this into this man’s life. He feels so much guilt, for even admitting that Tae is his safe place because of the responsibility that places on the CEO’s shoulders and he’s never wanted someone to feel responsible for him and he despised the prospect of being a burden.
The guilt is the most prominent feeling and extends to everywhere and everyone. He now knows he was wrong about his family and he can’t imagine what his disappearance did to his Mother and brothers. He spent six years hating them and blaming them for everything and yet it was only his Father who was responsible and even then he was doing what was best for his sons. He’d never known why his parents split up, he thought they were happy until his Mother moved them out of the family home and now he could see why. He also understood why she had clung onto Ryan and his money, presumably because she’d believed it would give them the security she had lost.
Jungkook was right, all the hurt was his fault but not in the way he’d originally thought. He’d been wrong, acted like a stupid child reacting to half a conversation he’d heard through a door and as a consequence he’s hurt so many people. Now, he could add more people to the list because he was hurting Taehyung too.
All of this… this whole situation was completely wrong because of him and now he had to try and undo it and he needed to start by protecting the people he loved... from himself.
Here is the link to the Google form for episode 2 of the podcast - GOOGLE FORM