Agrafka



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    Shane decides he should let everyone believe he has a hook-up in every city, so it will no longer seem suspicious that he always disappears in Boston.

    While Shane is proud of himself for the ruse and for the ability to explore new places after away games, Ilya handles the new rumor with grace and dignity. Which is to say he suddenly feels the need to text and maybe even call Shane on his roadies to see if he can keep him occupied.

    Based on a Tumblr post listed below.

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    02 Oct 2026

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    Ilya has sent him a picture. Of a dog.

    It’s a good-looking dog, to be fair. Medium-sized, glossy, bright-eyed. It’s not a bad picture to be sent, he’s just… not quite sure what to do with it.

    Then, a moment later, the caption arrives. This is Boris. I think I only go home with people who have dogs now.

    Ah. Right. Excellent. This is not, in fact, a picture of a dog. This is an announcement from Ilya that he got laid.

    Shane sighs. Wonderful.

    Perhaps he'll send back a picture of a dog, since Ilya seems to like them so much.

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    02 Oct 2026

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    “Shane,” he says, dread filling his stomach, “is this Boston Lily’s house?”

    “Maybe,” Shane says, dropping down another cooler with a loud bang. “But shhhhh,” he says, putting a finger to his lips, “you can’t tell, okay?”

    “Shane,” Hayden says, a little desperately. “Shane, we have to go.”

    “No,” Shane says, drunk and stubborn and pushing the doorbell about fifty thousand times in quick succession until Hayden pulls his arm away.

    “Shane,” Hayden says, nearly a plea, “listen, I know she broke your heart, but dropping off two hundred pounds of tuna isn’t-”

    Before he can finish telling Shane that a drive-by tuna fishing isn’t a cure for a broken heart, the door opens. When it does, though, it’s not some buxom Boston beauty in a silky negligee.

    It’s Ilya fucking Rozanov.

    Hayden’s one consolation in this mindfuck is that at least Rozanov looks equally surprised at finding himself in this situation.

    (while drowning his sorrows post tuna meltdown, shane ends up in possession of approximately two hundred pounds of raw tuna) (naturally, there's only one person he wants to gift with such a bounty)

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    01 Oct 2026

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    Ilya is not going to steal Shane Hollander's dog. That would be illegal. And wrong. And someone would probably find out and make Ilya give him back.

    So. Not stealing.

    But there is nothing wrong with giving Chernysh all the pats and treats that he deserves, is there?

    Nothing wrong with encouraging Chernysh to spend more and more time at Ilya's house until he doesn't even remember who Hollander is.

    Because Hollander is stupid and boring and does not deserve a dog as good as Chernysh. No, he doesn't, does he? Because Chernysh is the best boy in the whole world, yes he is.

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    25 Sep 2026

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    Ilya Rozanov, celebrated hockey star, gets perilously lost in the wilderness.

    Shane Hollander, wilderness expert and #1 Rozanov hater, finds him.

    They're stuck in the woods. Completely alone. Together.

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    24 Sep 2026