Ezzie's Criminal Minds crack fics

Series Metadata

Creators:

Ezzie_334567, Whumpismymiddlename

Series Begun:

2024-09-06

Series Updated:

2025-05-09

Description:

Reid centric stories based on incorrect quotes and drabbles- found on tumblr and pinterest

Notes:

Or basically a series of fics that have no meaning and should never see the light of day but here we are

Stats:

Words:: 50,275
Works:: 29
Complete:: Yes
Bookmarks:: 99

Listing Series

Pages Navigation

Do you have issues? by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
06 Sep 2024
Tags
- No Archive Warnings Apply
- The BAU Team & Spencer Reid
- Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid
- Spencer Reid & David Rossi
- Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid
- Spencer Reid
- David Rossi
- Aaron Hotchner
- Derek Morgan (Criminal Minds)
- Penelope Garcia
- Emily Prentiss
- Jennifer "JJ" Jareau
- Elle Greenaway
- Jason Gideon
- Spencer Reid Needs a Hug
- Spencer Reid Whump
- Spencer Reid Fluff
- Spencer Reid Angst
- Kidnapped Spencer Reid
- Bisexual Spencer Reid
- Spencer Reid Gets a Hug
- Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid Friendship
- Spencer Reid is a Mess
- Spencer Reid is a Little Shit
- Jennifer "JJ" Jareau & Spencer Reid Friendship
- Protective Aaron Hotchner
- Bisexual Aaron Hotchner
- Aaron Hotchner is Spencer Reid's Parent
- Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid Friendship
- Aaron Hotchner and David Rossi are the BAU Team's Parents
- Aaron Hotchner is the BAU Team's Parent
- Aaron Hotchner Loves Spencer Reid
- Protective David Rossi
- Parental David Rossi
- Parent David Rossi
- Supportive David Rossi
- David Rossi Acting as Spencer Reid's Parental Figure
- David Rossi is the BAU Team's Parent
- Worried David Rossi
- Good Friend David Rossi
- Protective Derek Morgan (Criminal Minds)
- Good Friend Derek Morgan (Criminal Minds)
- Derek Morgan and Spencer Reid are Best Friends
- Emily Prentiss & Spencer Reid Friendship
Summary

What if Reid is able to relate to an unsub

Series
- Part 1 of Ezzie's Criminal Minds crack fics
Language:

English

Words:

918

Chapters:

1/1

Comments:

10

Kudos:

573

Bookmarks:

51

Hits:

6,323
Murderer says what by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
06 Sep 2024
Tags
- No Archive Warnings Apply
- The BAU Team & Spencer Reid
- Spencer Reid
- The BAU Team (Criminal Minds)
- Fluff and Crack
- Attempt at Humor
- References to Criminal Minds (US TV)
- BAMF Spencer Reid
- Spencer Reid is a Little Shit
Summary

Reid tricks a murderer

Series
- Part 2 of Ezzie's Criminal Minds crack fics
Language:

English

Words:

634

Chapters:

1/1

Comments:

8

Kudos:

598

Bookmarks:

49

Hits:

6,053
Commit to it by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
06 Sep 2024
Tags
- No Archive Warnings Apply
- Elle Greenaway/Spencer Reid
- Elle Greenaway
- Spencer Reid
- Protective Elle Greenaway
- Dom Elle Greenaway
- Mentioned Elle Greenaway
- Bottom Spencer Reid
- Spencer Reid Fluff
Summary

Reid and elle are dating

Series
- Part 3 of Ezzie's Criminal Minds crack fics
Language:

English

Words:

693

Chapters:

1/1

Comments:

4

Kudos:

98

Bookmarks:

4

Hits:

3,002
I don't have a phone, sorry by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
06 Sep 2024
Tags
- No Archive Warnings Apply
- Spencer Reid
- Aaron Hotchner
- BAMF Spencer Reid
- Spencer Reid is a Little Shit
Summary

Where Reid doesn't have a phone

Series
- Part 4 of Ezzie's Criminal Minds crack fics
Language:

English

Words:

532

Chapters:

1/1

Comments:

2

Kudos:

501

Bookmarks:

38

Hits:

5,034
Is Reid okay?! by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
06 Sep 2024
Tags
- No Archive Warnings Apply
- Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid
- Spencer Reid
- The BAU Team as Family (Criminal Minds)
- Protective Aaron Hotchner
- Parental Aaron Hotchner
Summary

Where Reid is totally not Hotch's Favourite

Series
- Part 5 of Ezzie's Criminal Minds crack fics
Language:

English

Words:

746

Chapters:

1/1

Comments:

6

Kudos:

554

Bookmarks:

47

Hits:

5,484
Have a safe flight by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
06 Sep 2024
Tags
- No Archive Warnings Apply
- Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid
- Derek Morgan (Criminal Minds)
- Spencer Reid
- Spencer Reid is a Little Shit
- Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid Friendship
Summary

Morgan wishes Reid a safe flight.

Series
- Part 6 of Ezzie's Criminal Minds crack fics
Language:

English

Words:

517

Chapters:

1/1

Comments:

1

Kudos:

254

Bookmarks:

11

Hits:

2,939
Hotch, what if I made coffee with more coffee instead of water? by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
06 Sep 2024
Tags
- No Archive Warnings Apply
- Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid
- Aaron Hotchner
- Spencer Reid
- Spencer reid is a coffee addict
- Parental Aaron Hotchner
- Aaron Hotchner is Spencer Reid's Parent
Summary

Where reid has a problem with coffee

Series
- Part 7 of Ezzie's Criminal Minds crack fics
Language:

English

Words:

674

Chapters:

1/1

Comments:

8

Kudos:

449

Bookmarks:

30

Hits:

4,400
Let’s lock Reid outside for a bit by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
06 Sep 2024
Tags
- No Archive Warnings Apply
- Emily Prentiss
- Derek Morgan (Criminal Minds)
- Spencer Reid
- Spencer Reid Needs a Hug
- Spencer Reid Fluff
- Derek Morgan and Spencer Reid are Best Friends
- Emily Prentiss & Spencer Reid Friendship
Summary

Reid gets locked out in the rain

Series
- Part 8 of Ezzie's Criminal Minds crack fics
Language:

English

Words:

686

Chapters:

1/1

Collections:

1

Comments:

1

Kudos:

282

Bookmarks:

15

Hits:

3,252
This isn’t a bagel by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
06 Sep 2024
Tags
- No Archive Warnings Apply
- Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid
- Aaron Hotchner
- Spencer Reid
- Tired Spencer Reid
- Parental Aaron Hotchner
Summary

Where Reid is over tired

Series
- Part 9 of Ezzie's Criminal Minds crack fics
Language:

English

Words:

661

Chapters:

1/1

Comments:

4

Kudos:

328

Bookmarks:

23

Hits:

3,904
We have your son by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
06 Sep 2024
Tags
- No Archive Warnings Apply
- Spencer Reid & David Rossi
- Spencer Reid
- David Rossi
- spe - Character
- Kidnapped Spencer Reid
- Whump
- Fluff and Humor
- Protective David Rossi
- David Rossi Acting as Spencer Reid's Parental Figure
Summary

Where Reid is the child of the Bau

Series
- Part 10 of Ezzie's Criminal Minds crack fics
Language:

English

Words:

718

Chapters:

1/1

Comments:

21

Kudos:

599

Bookmarks:

67

Hits:

5,338
NO, SPENCER, I'M HOLDING HOT COFFEE by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
06 Sep 2024
Tags
- No Archive Warnings Apply
- Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid
- Emily Prentiss
- Spencer Reid
- Derek Morgan (Criminal Minds)
- Spencer Reid is a Little Shit
- Protective Derek Morgan (Criminal Minds)
- Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid Friendship
- Emily Prentiss & Spencer Reid Friendship
- Emily Prentiss is a Little Shit
- Brooklyn nine nine but what if it was criminal minds
Summary

Reid has a bet with Emily

Series
- Part 11 of Ezzie's Criminal Minds crack fics
Language:

English

Words:

646

Chapters:

1/1

Comments:

8

Kudos:

386

Bookmarks:

24

Hits:

3,568
Language! by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
06 Sep 2024
Tags
- No Archive Warnings Apply
- Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid
- Aaron Hotchner
- Spencer Reid
- Aaron Hotchner is Spencer Reid's Parent
- Aaron Hotchner and David Rossi are the BAU Team's Parents
- David Rossi is Spencer Reid's Parent
- Happy Aaron Hotchner
- Spencer Reid is a Little Shit
- Child Spencer Reid
Summary

Hotch has a sense of humor

Series
- Part 12 of Ezzie's Criminal Minds crack fics
Language:

English

Words:

454

Chapters:

1/1

Comments:

2

Kudos:

452

Bookmarks:

32

Hits:

5,509
Profilers suck at profiling by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
06 Sep 2024
Tags
- No Archive Warnings Apply
- Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid
- Aaron Hotchner
- Spencer Reid
- Fluff and Humor
- Bisexual Spencer Reid
- Bisexual Aaron Hotchner
- Married Couple
- The BAU Team as Family (Criminal Minds)
Summary

Hotch and Reid are dating

Series
- Part 13 of Ezzie's Criminal Minds crack fics
Language:

English

Words:

956

Chapters:

1/1

Kudos:

212

Bookmarks:

16

Hits:

3,613
We’re having a baby by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
06 Sep 2024
Tags
- No Archive Warnings Apply
- Aaron Hotchner/David Rossi
- Spencer Reid
- David Rossi
- Aaron Hotchner
- Aaron Hotchner and David Rossi are the BAU Team's Parents
- Parenthood
- David Rossi is the BAU Team's Parent
- Parental David Rossi
- David Rossi Acting as Spencer Reid's Parental Figure
- Bisexual Aaron Hotchner
- Aaron Hotchner is Spencer Reid's Parent
- Spencer Reid Fluff
Summary

Hotch and Rossi adpot Reid

Series
- Part 14 of Ezzie's Criminal Minds crack fics
Language:

English

Words:

618

Chapters:

1/1

Collections:

1

Comments:

5

Kudos:

354

Bookmarks:

32

Hits:

4,597
send dudes by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
06 Sep 2024
Tags
- No Archive Warnings Apply
- Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
- Spencer Reid
- Derek Morgan (Criminal Minds)
- Spencer Reid is a Little Shit
- Hurt Spencer Reid
- Fluff and Angst
- Protective Derek Morgan (Criminal Minds)
Summary

Reid needs help

Series
- Part 15 of Ezzie's Criminal Minds crack fics
Language:

English

Words:

813

Chapters:

1/1

Comments:

2

Kudos:

329

Bookmarks:

18

Hits:

3,867
That sounded a lot louder than a box by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
22 Sep 2024
Tags
- No Archive Warnings Apply
- Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid
- Aaron Hotchner
- Spencer Reid
- Derek Morgan (Criminal Minds)
- Whump
- Fluff
- Humor
- Derek Morgan is a Little Shit (Criminal Minds)
- Emily Prentiss is a Little Shit
- Protective Aaron Hotchner
- Spencer Reid Needs a Hug
Summary

The one where Reid falls down the stairs

Series
- Part 16 of Ezzie's Criminal Minds crack fics
Language:

English

Words:

824

Chapters:

1/1

Comments:

3

Kudos:

259

Bookmarks:

21

Hits:

3,376
How many hours of sleep have you gotten? by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
22 Sep 2024
Tags
- No Archive Warnings Apply
- Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid
- Aaron Hotchner
- Spencer Reid
- Tired Spencer Reid
- Protective Aaron Hotchner
- Aaron Hotchner Acting as Spencer Reid's Parental Figure
Summary

The one where Reid doesn't sleep

Series
- Part 17 of Ezzie's Criminal Minds crack fics
Language:

English

Words:

803

Chapters:

1/1

Collections:

1

Comments:

5

Kudos:

263

Bookmarks:

24

Hits:

3,631
I don’t even like soup by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
01 Dec 2024
Tags
- No Archive Warnings Apply
- Jason Gideon & Spencer Reid
- Jason Gideon & Emily Prentiss
- Jennifer "JJ" Jareau
- Jason Gideon
- Emily Prentiss
- Spencer Reid
- Parental Jason Gideon
- Emily Prentiss Needs a Hug
- BAMF Spencer Reid
- Emily Prentiss & Spencer Reid Friendship
- Jason gideon does not like emily
Summary

The one Where Gideon likes all members of the bau team equally
He totally doesn't love Reid the most.

Series
- Part 18 of Ezzie's Criminal Minds crack fics
Language:

English

Words:

671

Chapters:

1/1

Comments:

17

Kudos:

351

Bookmarks:

35

Hits:

4,471
This is a Child Jason by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
05 Dec 2024
Tags
- No Archive Warnings Apply
- Jason Gideon & Spencer Reid
- Jason Gideon & Aaron Hotchner
- Jason Gideon
- Aaron Hotchner
- Spencer Reid
- Supportive Jason Gideon
- Protective Aaron Hotchner
- spencer reid is just happy to be there
- Aaron Hotchner is So Done
- Spencer Reid Doesn't Work for the BAU
- yet - Freeform
- Young Spencer Reid
- Spencer Reid Fluff
- Humor
Summary

The one where Gideon has found a legacy in 22 year old reid
Hotch doesn't seem to agree

Series
- Part 19 of Ezzie's Criminal Minds crack fics
Language:

English

Words:

3,426

Chapters:

4/4

Collections:

2

Comments:

48

Kudos:

517

Bookmarks:

83

Hits:

6,793
I just dropped my fucking coffee by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)
05 Dec 2024
Tags
- No Archive Warnings Apply
- Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid
- The BAU Team & Spencer Reid
- Spencer Reid
- Derek Morgan (Criminal Minds)
- Aaron Hotchner
- David Rossi
- Spencer Reid Needs a Hug
- Whump
- Angst
- Humor
- BAMF Spencer Reid
- Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid Friendship
- Parental David Rossi
- Parental Aaron Hotchner
- Spencer Reid is So Done
Summary

Where Spencer has an existential crisis over coffee

Series
- Part 20 of Ezzie's Criminal Minds crack fics
Language:

English

Words:

635

Chapters:

1/1

Comments:

14

Kudos:

423

Bookmarks:

39

Hits:

4,244

Ezzie's Criminal Minds crack fics

Series Metadata

Listing Series

Pages Navigation

Do you have issues? by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)

Tags

Summary

Series

Murderer says what by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)

Tags

Summary

Series

Commit to it by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)

Tags

Summary

Series

I don't have a phone, sorry by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)

Tags

Summary

Series

Is Reid okay?! by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)

Tags

Summary

Series

Have a safe flight by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)

Tags

Summary

Series

Hotch, what if I made coffee with more coffee instead of water? by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)

Tags

Summary

Series

Let’s lock Reid outside for a bit by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)

Tags

Summary

Series

This isn’t a bagel by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)

Tags

Summary

Series

We have your son by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)

Tags

Summary

Series

NO, SPENCER, I'M HOLDING HOT COFFEE by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)

Tags

Summary

Series

Language! by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)

Tags

Summary

Series

Profilers suck at profiling by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)

Tags

Summary

Series

We’re having a baby by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)

Tags

Summary

Series

send dudes by Ezzie_334567

Fandoms: Criminal Minds (US TV)

Tags

Summary

Series

That sounded a lot louder than a box by Ezzie_334567