Chapter Text
Chapter 1 – How Eggman and Stone Met
Eggman's final words...
Ivo: "You were more than a sycophant to me. You were... a syco-friend. I'll miss your lattes with steamed Austrian goat milk. I love the way you make 'em!"
And BOOM! The Eclipse cannon imploded in the starry skies, illuminating with colours that vibrantly represented Eggman's sacrifice to the world, yet a traumatic sight that burned into the retinas of his "friend," Agent Stone. Stone couldn't take his dampening eyes off the horrible catastrophe; meanwhile, all the pedestrians around him cheered. Everyone was glad that the world was saved, yet none cried when they saw his death and heard his last words. No one except his "syco-friend."
Eggman never had friends or family growing up. Always alone and hated by everyone, but loved by none. That was until his evil schemes got too big to manage on his own, and albeit reluctantly, he needed help. Eggman sent out job applications, "JOIN THE EGGMAN EMPIRE," across every copy. He was so desperate for extra help that he promised high salaries, coverage of tuition fees, a large retirement pension, unlimited sick days, 100 day-offs per year: anything to attract a part—no! Just a servant, a slave to Eggman's whims no matter how morally questionable! Nothing more!
His inbox had been empty for months, most probably because everyone thought it was fake. Eggman always prided himself on making advanced technology all on his own with his 300 IQ, so no one bought it when he sent such a desperate job application that was seemingly too good to be true. It was probably another evil scheme to lure innocent people, but throughout 6 months of vacancy, only one person filed Eggman's job application. His name was Agent Stone, and he was equally as desperate for a job as Eggman was for a gentle, dominant, hot boyf—SLAVE! ASSISTANT! The great Dr. Ivo Robotnik doesn't need a love interest! How ridiculous and pathetic for an evil, megalomaniacal genius.
After two hours of typing and reworking his word choices, Stone finally sent his application back to Eggman. He felt many emotions upon hitting, "Send." Agent Stone felt nervous about working with such an evil villain, excited about this big job opportunity, and fear. This is Eggman we're talking about here. What if Eggman doesn't provide the promised job benefits? What if Eggman's abusive to his employees behind closed doors? What if Eggman just carelessly sacrifices Stone like a human shield when convenient for his ploys? At the same time, Stone was confused and maybe a little amused. The infamous doctor wasn't just asking about qualifications and past experiences; his job application asked weirdly personal questions that certainly weren't professional at all.
JOIN THE EGGMAN EMPIRE
1. Name: Agent Stone
2. Sex: Male
3. Date of Birth: 31/5/1994
4. Age: 32 years old
5. Nationality: Half-Indian, half-American
6. Credit Card Number: 8289 5104
7. Phone Number: +1 018 7623
8. Do you have a college degree? (Yes/No)
9. If so, which kind? (Associate/Bachelor/Master/Doctoral)
10. Have you had any previous jobs? (Yes/No)
11. If so, which job? Explain in detail: After I got my degree, I secured a job with G.U.N as a secret spy and loyally worked for ten years, but quit yesterday when I realised how corrupt the government was. I can prove I'm not a spy concurrently by the fact that I'm insulting our government. G.U.N employees aren't allowed to talk about political corruption.
12. Choose a Role: (Janitor/Private Chef/Servant/Agent/Bodyguard)
13. What are your future plans for the next 5 years if you get hired into my empire? As I stay loyal to your empire, I'll work on being a better agent every day. I strive to help you achieve world domination with me by your side.
14. Expected Annual Salary: $125,000/year
15. Height: 6'2"
16. Are your muscles toned? (Yes/No)
17. Do you work out? (Yes/No)
18. If so, how often? 4 times a week
19. Sexuality: (Straight/Gay/Bi/Trans/Other)
20. Can you make lattes with steamed Austrian goat milk and do latte art? (Yes/No)
21. Can you carry 200 pounds of weight in your arms? (Yes/No)
22. Am I hot? Answer creatively: You're a decent-looking guy. I like your moustache.
23. Can you comfort me when I cry over the heated drama in my favourite soap opera, "La Ultima Passion"? It's okay to let it out when "La Ultima Passion" feels a little too intense. I'm always available to comfort my doctor.
24. Can I trust you to be supportive when I vent about how nobody loves me? (Yes/No)
25. Can you spoon me from behind until I fall asleep? (Yes/No)
Now that Stone is done filling out his job application, the maelstrom of emotions that previously plagued his mind is starting to gradually wear off. Because his head is clearer, he's starting to realise that half the time, that job application sounded like a boyfriend application, causing a smirk to pull on his face. As he smirks, Stone reclines back on his chair, waiting calmly for a response. He knows he's the only one who filled in Eggman's application, because everyone online was telling other people "not to fall for that monster's scam" without even opening the form to see the actual questions being asked.
As a notification of new mail being sent briefly hummed, Eggman couldn't hear it because he was showering, and the sound of water running overpowered any faint noises nearby. As water cascaded down his chubby fingers, he pretended like he had water-bending powers for 10 minutes straight before actually beginning to scrub himself. Even during the scrub, Eggman was just busy goofing around and having fun, singing loudly to an audience of no one but the voices in his head. The misty atmosphere of a shower was the only place where he could truly be himself: no judging pedestrians and no Sonic or any of those insolent pests to ruin his day.
When he finally got out, he smelled fresh, wore a blue pyjama set with a duck embroidered on the middle of his shirt, and his moustache sagged from moisture, pulling it down. Eggman sat down and routinely checked his inbox with a soft smile on his face, which changed into an ecstatic grin as soon as he saw that someone finally filled in his job application. He opened the form and read Stone's answers, blushing and giggling quietly at each answer for question 15 and onwards (He would rather die than admit that, no pun intended). At the same time, Eggman realised how desperate he came off as, and inwardly cringed before groaning into his palms as his cheeks reddened further. He had to think of good excuses for asking such weirdly personal questions, or else the interview was going to be incredibly awkward.
After an hour of Stone waiting on his chair, Eggman finally responded, and his eyes widened. He didn't think he'd genuinely get a response back.
@[email protected]: "Meet me 4 p.m. sharp at The Crab lurking in the waters beneath the dock at Street 81."
Agent Stone read the message and left to get a fresh low-taper fade. He sat confidently on his favourite barber's black leather chair as a long cloth was wrapped around his neck to prevent any hairs from irritating his lower neck. As Stone felt electric shavers on his head, the barber, Elton, tried to engage in small talk with his client. His voice was calm, deep, had a strong New York accent, and was softly raspy with years of experience.
Elton: "What's the special occasion, Stone?" Stone: chuckles quietly "I have a date at 4."
Sure, Stone's been getting haircuts from Elton for 30 years, but there are some things you just don't tell: one of them being that he's applying to be Dr. Eggman's agent. In the moment, Stone was just lying to avoid revealing too much, but he never realised how true that would be when he met Eggman in person.
Thirty minutes later, his haircut was done; it looked professional, yet stunning and framed his face perfectly. Stone gently ran his fingers through his slightly damp hair and admired himself in the mirror, letting out a noise of approval.
Stone: "Fresh as always, Elton."
Elton: pats Stone's shoulder. "Good luck on your date, man!"
They high-five before Stone pulls out a 50-dollar bill from his wallet and hands it to his barber. Stone then drives back to his 2-story house and puts on his best suit, sprays an expensive perfume, and drives to a parking lot a minute-long walk away from the dock Eggman's home is in. Stone stood on the wooden dock, waiting for twenty seconds before Eggman's crab-inspired home emerged from the waters. The titanium doors automatically opened, revealling a tall, chubby villain who locked eyes with his soon-to-be agent: Stone was stunning. His black hair was groomed and silky, his suit elegantly framed his toned physique, and he smelled like a rose garden in a way that was sharp yet non-overwhelming. Eggman suppressed a moan of joy, and his cheeks tinted softly with a pink blush that looked out of character from him of all people.
Eggman: stammering "H-Hi, uh.. Agent Stone. Come in!"