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A break from the Blue Hell once again. They were sent to their homes. And since it wasn't that much of a long break, there weren't a training or some special thing. Honestly, Rin didn't even care. Not like it would change anything for him. The only one to change himself was him, no one else... No one else... He was himself... He was someone... Right?
He was in a calm mood. Actually he generally was. It was the shadow of his past and the football was firing him up. And some other lukewarm npcs that think they are any better than him! He just unlocked the door of the house and stepped inside. The silence hugged him like always. That was it, his safe place. His safeness was always the silence. Aka the sea, and Sae. They were generally all silent too, weren't they? His core was with them, always. So it was only natural for him to find comfort in silence as well.
Though, this one always had somethings different. In a not-so-nice way. Because... Look, he wasn't the best to be together with- or to socialize- or to be friends... Or simply to exist with... But he, too, sometimes yearn for not-loneliness..? The house was lonely, unlike the sea and Sae. I mean, he was never alone with Sae- well... Generally. And as for the sea- it still has the memories and the soul of his big brother. Also the way sea erases the shore just how he yearns to be- ehem... Not passive suicidal thoughs... Okay... He can do it... Also the way sea was huge and endless- yet so huggable and welcoming for the rotten, wondering, alone souls... As if it already decided to make the lonely ones cared and welcomed with the wast chilly water of it... Sea was really something else to adore. Because it cherishes you back, unlike humans.
Rin leaded himself to the upstairs- to his empty room. Again, the useless memories surface- maybe he was the useless one. Who knows. Well, everyone does for sure. Even himself doesn't deny that. But, once again, who even was he?...
He felt the headache hit through his eyesockets and that was the last string- He had enough. Really- he needed to crash out. But no... No way to do. He won't be even a little calmer. He needs the intense and eternal rage, doesn't he? It was his punishment. For what? For anything and everything, actually... Because there was no one else to punish him. He was all fucking alone. Even in his own dimension. Maybe he could get a monster like the Bowl-cut? No... No, he can not. He can not be attached- influenced- He can not. He should be... He HAS to be the only one. All alone. He HAS to be the monster. That was the only way out... Since his childhood.
But the thoughs and ache of them were... Just too much. Did he have to go through these things, he wonders. Does everyone do? He wonders... He could just wonder, though. Nothing else.
He can not experience any real human feelings, and won't.
That was why it was so sweet to watch the flowing blood staining down his right arm. The excitingly pressure- and the delicious sting follows it... Then it was a whole masterpiece with the warm toxin flowing, really! Oh, he wants to... He needs to see more of his own blood. He wonders... Should he scatter his brains? Should he skin himself with his nails? Should he bang his head till it doesn't have any blood to splash around? Should he rip his skin to watch the dreamy bleeding? Should he stab his stomach fucking brutally to watch himself fucking bleed to the death from his mirror? Probably it would be the only bearable one from the times he had witnessed his pitiful reflection... And he was not completely opposed to this-
Till the door opens. Fucking opens. In the way it didn't before. Because it was. Sae. Itoshi fucking Sae. What was he doing here? It's been a long time since he... He didn't come here again, did he? Here wasn't their home but a mere, empty house anymore. A house only carries a wounded little boy. Because he was abandoned in that time.
"Nii-chan... You are early..."
It wasn't Rin's voice... Was it? Sae doesn't know. The horror and the bloody scene had messed with his brain as he tried to process.
"What do you think... You are doing. Rin."
But no responses. Anyways- he didn't need any as he ran to his baby- his wounded and bleeding baby brother. He applied some pressure with a cloth and fastly went to the bathroom to grab the first-aid kit... He wasn't looking at Rin. Rin wasn't any different anyways... But he stayed silent. He let Sae. As always. He let him in. He didn't kicked him out. He never did... But Sae never was in. Perhaps Rin was starving attention, validation... Companion? Love?- Anyways... He carefully bandaged the scarred skin after cleaning there. His teeth were clenching so hard they were about to break.
"What were you thinking, Rin? What is even the point of... Of... Ugh... We really need to talk, don't we?"
"About what, nii-■■■-"
Sae bit his lips.
"Don't make me say it."
...
"What would happen if you do? Would it be too much to accept that your little brother ■■■■■"
Sae's mind was fucking ringing. What was this- was it the smell of the blood? The way it was... still pooling under their bodies...
"You can not even look at my ■■■-"
Sae felt thorns have grown in his lungs and started to torment him as if he wasn't himself- His throat was in an unbearable pain but how to escape from this disgusting feeling..? He can not leave his brother alone, now, can he? Can he? He can. Can't he?
His vission suddenly has darkened and- that was he. No... It. Something like Itoshi Rin.
In his arms, all limp. As his body was flowing with his own fresh blood. Which had the smell all over their room. Was he- was he-
Then the corpse fucking talked through its smirk.
"What should we talk about, nii-cHaN?... What would happened if you said? Would it be too much to accept that your little brother fucking SlIcsS hMselffF oOoopnEnOpEn?.."
A dark chuckle was echoing in the hell- in their room.
"You can not even look at my FkCkunging DdeAd bOBobodbodyDy. C'mMmonnnnnn i-it-it's-sitsitI'ts fFffffresshlY slliceD OPpEn... NnnniiIccjannn..."
Sae wanted nothing more than to throw the fucking body away from his arms... Because NO WAY in fucking hell this thing was his baby brother... But the beautifully adorned teal eyes were... Pulling him in. No- no no no no no jonononononononono-
The limp body was. His... His.his... Itoshi Rin's dead body was it. The boy's, who brutally stabbed his skin and watched himself fucking bleed till the death- was his baby brother. It was. Was.was.wS.aS.aassssshelpjim someone help him-
No fucking way. Rin didn't have anyone to help him either. Sae was late. Like always.
He wasn't early at fucking all... He opened his eyes and immediately threw up to his sheets- it was when he noticed it was a fucking nightmare. In the very room he found Rin's body with still warm and flowing blood but no pulse at all...
He kept throwing up- saliva and sweat blend the retch in the sheets. But honestly, he just wants to fucking bleed like Rin.