Work Text:
Open your eyes...
Opeen youur eeeyeees...
Open your eyeees...
OPEN YOUR EYES... EYES...
Sae's whole world was upside down. No- it was hooked by the last remnants of his hopes and dreams, in a tilted and twisted stage. But honestly, he doesn't even remember. Not anymore... As he kept cleaning the sheets he just threw over, with saliva and sweat blended, his mind was all blank. Because he still can not progress the fact he had lost his brother to suicide. Because he can not accept the fact that Rin was now gone, forever. Because he can not remember the last time they were together- like they were used to. Because he was having a hard time to remember Rin's new habits. Yeah, because he never saw them. And never will. He doesn't know who Rin was. He used to. But not now. And it destroys him.
He wants to be destroyed too, he wants to bleed too, he wants to suffer and see the hell without dying too. He wants every horrific curse but the death. Was this because he doesn't want to die yet? He doesn't thinks so. There wasn't even anything worth of living anyways. No more. Yet, he should. He should, to torture himself, as he deserves. For not being here, with Rin, as he supposed to. He only notices that Rin was that important to him. Of course not like he hated him... Yet, he knows he could have be better of himself. He means- it was his baby. Sae was the one who teached him his manners. Sae was the one who hold his hand and wandered around with the ice cream they always shared. Sae was the one who had witnessed Rin's first goals, attacks. Sae was the one who saw the real, weird Rin and accepted him. Sae was the one who slipped Rin out from that home when their parents, once agan, start to talk about Rin and didn't even be that secretive about it.
Sae was the one who had witnessed the emptiness of the boba eyes and how they had a glimpse of life just when they were together.
Now he can not even see those dull eyes, nor shiny eyes. Wonderful, isn't it...
I know you see me
Can't he now, really? He can not see, he says... What if that's a lie? A lie that camping just behind him, always. In the corner of this dark room... The corner of the street he walks by... Between the strangers he passes by... In the middle of the green fields he doesn't even spare a single glance at... Actually, his predator eyes are always in his radius, but he denies to look at them. He doesn't accept. He doesn't want. Doesn't want what, looking at his baby brother? Looking at that thing.
Of course, as much as he tries to ignore, he can see it. Lingering and creepy atmosphere won't go anywhere for him in this lifetime... The constant staring was now his every day thing. Not like he was used to it, though.
Whenever he wakes up, it was the first thing he witnesses... Those lifeless, teal eyes were staring directly into his soul as if it is about to devour and suck off...
Whenever he enters another room, it was there even before him. Waiting for Sae to exist, so they can co-exist.
Whenever he walks by some street, it was far away, yet still his starving stares were focused on Sae...
Whenever he tries to sleep, he can see it still standing. Not in the same corner but just beside him, though. It would be closer at night, just like waiting Sae to wake up and start his day earlier.
... All because it was impatient to exist. It wants to exist. It craves to exist. It yearns to exist. And it will.
And it feeds itself on Sae. Standing just behind him, every single time, as if it is ready for to take any opportunity...
And the only think Sae is able to do was simply ignoring. It wasn't his brother... Was it?
No no no no no- he won't think about it- he will keep acting like he can not see-
You can't deceive me
But no use. It knows.
But wasn't Sae the one who wanted to live for solely torture himself? Isn't it a perfect way to be tortured? Hallucinations, I mean... Or was it real..?
No- no no it was not... It can not be... Rin was dead- But Sae said it wasn't Rin- Oh, he wishes to be fucking bleeding at the moment.
He jumped out of the bed and just opened the window. He tried to calm down but no use. The lungs of his were screaming with pain, his heart was about to fail him- and his brain was not fucking helping. Because he can feel the not-so-familiar cold touch of something in his left hand... Trying to craddle it-
Rin was trying to hold his hand, oh!
No- no it-
He was faced with the huge shadow of it, tugging at his hand with just the lifeless eyes. And they were all focused on Sae. He can not feel the hyperventilating now- nor the squuezing of his lungs. His brain was not ringing either- Just pure silence. Because he caught a glimpse of his baby brother... How can he not... notice before... That it was Rin's existence...
You act like it is easy
To throw me away to rot
His fingers curled around the icy surface. His scared and buzzing teal eyes were unable to move away from the pair of dead ones- He was scared. He can feel he was trembling- but for some reason... Sae couldn't let go of the icy hand. He tightined his grip and sobbed, his teeth immediately pierced his trembling lip's skin.
Go away. You are not him. I didn't make any of these things for him. So I can't- I shouldn't do them for you too... He is the one who deserves-
Sae closed his eyes shut as tears slipped in silence. He can not even ignore the body of his while trembling like a leaf. That was scary... Feeling a real icy surface who seeks you out day and night... Its gazes constantly follow you, and never cut the eye contact... Searching for a way to exist in violence... Sae was scared, and he can't do anything for it.
Just like he couldn't for Rin's freshly bleeding dead body between his arms.
He suddenly sobbed loudly, tried to restrain it but no chances... The ache was so strong he already can feel the bleeding was flowing through even his damn eye sockets. One day, he will carve his eyes out and he is sure of this. Not today though- Because currently he was busy with squuezing his throat. 10 fingers were not enough- they just weren't as he tightined his grip to the fullest...
Then there was a chilly fog who hugs him all... And new, yet unfamiliarly slim, 10 fingers wrapping themselves around his throat with his owns...
I know you see me...
(I know that)
Sae felt the bleeding grew stronger- splashing from his ripped heart veins as his eyes were tightly shut and won't let the blood slip out there...
And creeping cold fingers were painfully strong it makes him nauseous- He said that to Rin too, didn't he? What's the difference.
The fingers curled in even stronger as he choked on his own saliva, his weak mouth falls open as wobbly lips slip saliva over and over on the 20 fingers curled there...
But he doesn't let his blood drips out his eye sockets-
That was exactly when a-so-familiar voice echoed all over the room.
Just open your eyes
It was Itoshi Sae's voice torturing all of Itoshi Sae's existence... Oh, it was what Rin had been through... He wanted to puke because of himself. He wanted to puke himself. He wanted to kill himself.
But he couldn't- He... He tried- he ignored... He just tried to cough again and again but it was okay that he couldn't. That means his ending is here.
The fingertips already were digging cruel marks on his throat- even bleeding because of the unfamiliar sharp nails... But Sae enjoys the feeling of bleeding and being choked.
He can not breathe, and that was okay. Because Rin probably couldn't as well while Sae was abandoning him at that night.
He can not stop his weak trembling, but it was all good. Because Rin probably had been trembling all alone for who knows how many nights.
And Sae wasn't even alone like Rin. He has Rin... Right..? It was Rin... No- no he can not be influenced-
You are not blind, you are not deaf
The voice ripped his brain to the wretched pieces- torturing and smashing the curves there as carving itself even deeper. Making Sae sure that he won't forget the cruel tune of his own fucking voice. Just like Rin didn't.
I know you see and hear me well
You choose not to hear me
He does, no? He has been. He had. I mean, how can he not hear or see his baby brother?
The painfull Nii-chans he let escape his shaky lips past...
The boba eyes who admire him look at him with the less amount of fear...
Rin was always here for him- beside him, behind him... Always... Even as hallucinations who haunt him till the end.
Finally- he fell. On the ground, of course. His body hit on the bed he was sleeping just now- or maybe hours before..? Because when he opened his tired eyes, it was almost sunrise. He focused his barely open eyes on the window above him. Saliva slipping down and bleeding with the blood on his pajamas. Who knows where was he bleeding from... But that was okay, because his heart always cries blood. Until the end of his existence, it will.
And the owner of the slimmy fingers finally had entered his view again. With an uncanny smile who shows the bloody, sharp teeth...
Till death do us part
I guess I will see you in hell
That was what it wants..?
Feeding from Sae's existence, Sae's blood... And make him exist in its hell, because apparently it had enough of loneliness...
Sae left his baby all alone, didn't he. And now he is being haunting by Rin's dead existence because it yearns to be with him. Rin didn't have enough of his big brother, so his remnant will make sure that they will.
And honestly Sae doesn't have any objections. Sure, it wasn't Rin, and it was scary as hell... Even dangerous with the violence it seeks and follows him with...
I'm neither foe or a friend
Sae knew he should suffer alone too... But maybe he should let Rin- no... He should let it torture him...
It's only us in the end
Sae felt fresh tears wash all the painfull blood away as he stopped abusing his lips.
Why Rin wasn't here? Why can't they go out and eat ice cream together? Why can't they hold hands at the moment?
"P-please... Rin... Ask me if you are weird... Please, bite my fingers... Please, please be annoying a-again-"
He couldn't believe the hoarse tune of his own voice... And he couldn't bear it anymore. The way he stormed out of the house was worth to see, really...
He doesn't cry since it wasn't much of his area... But he just kept running till he saw the furious waves of the sea. Oh, Rin was waiting for him. Well... When he didn't anyways. It was all he did. And with no outcomes to save him.
Sae's steps have slowed down, but he felt his tiny smile as his blurry eyes focused on the angry ocean. That was his Rin, wasn't it? Waiting him in the home to welcome and hug... Yes... Yes... Right..?
When he finally has reached to the end of the pier... He felt the chilly cold craddle him once agan. It was bone-crushing. And the way madly flaming teal eyes were burning his almost dead soul... He should had killed himself torturing... Not... Not with what was he about to do... Though, anyways...
He let it bite his soul and rip it out of his battered, bloody body... Finally...
Wish you could see through my lense
Won't you just
Open your eyes (just open up)
Open your eyes (can you see me?)
Open your eyes (just open up)
Open your eyes, eyes (can you see me?)
When he felt another, more wet-like chillness... He heard his last sentences in this life time.
"Sea (Sae?), swallow me."
And it belongs to the Itoshi who wasn't Sae.
