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The happiest moment in Nathan's life was about to happen. He was going to marry Helen, whom he had just kissed for the first time. Time flew by in the blink of an eye. During that time, many of his acquaintances left his life, but Matthew didn't. He stayed until this very moment. Of course, Nathan still had contact with his other friends from high school, however only Matthew had grown this close to him. Most of his other companions devoted their time on their own partners. Obviously Nathan didn't blame them. He himself paid most of his attention to Helen after meeting her, slowly distancing himself from his friends. Soon enough, their lives started to look the same anyway.
However, Matthew never got lucky when it came down to love. He was surrounded by many girls, yet none of them wanted him. At least that's what he told Nathan. Truthfully speaking, Matthew was never interested in women romantically. He enjoyed being friends with lots of girls aside from Nathan and other boys he spent time with in school, but he never wanted to be more than just friends.
Coming back to today, Nathan is as bewildered as never. Maybe it's just stress, but he should've been happy. It could've been the fact that he had always dreamt of having children, yet it never crossed his mind while thinking of Helen. Even worse, if he had children with her, he would feel as if he's trapped with her forever. What a terrible time to think about this, the marriage vow will do same anyway. He only proposed because his girlfriend insisted on it, and since he loves her, then why not? He's following the norm he had been taught by his parents since he was little. Find the love of his heart, marry her, have kids. That's the recipe for a happy life until death.
"Why can't I accept this? Why is my heart still hesitant?" Nathaniel couldn't come to terms with his thoughts. "My girlfriend is perfect. Beautiful, intelligent, religious..."
"What more do I desire? Hell, what more do I need!?" Nathan started to get nervous, but he soon heard an incoming notification on his phone.
"How are you doing?" Matthew wrote to check on his beloved... friend.
"Matt, you know damn well I'm getting married tomorrow..." Nathan wanted to add something more, but he couldn't word it appriopriately.
"Of course, I wouldn't forget. That's why I want to know how you're feeling tonight, the night before your marriage."
"I know it's tomorrow. It's just a little hard for me."
"Since you're getting eaten by stress, maybe we should pour some wine on it?"
"You know me too well. I can't pass on my most beloved part of my life now, can I?"
"More than your wife? I think you wouldn't sacrifice your marriage, and in the future the birth of your children, to drink with me?"
"Don't mention kids to me now, I'm not even married yet... I'll come over to you today, now."
"I'm gonna prepare a romantic dinner for the two of us, dear Nathaniel."
"My lovely Helen... If she saw those messages, she would've gone crazy. She would think that I'm cheating on her just before our marriage! But maybe I'll relax more with those jokes, who knows."
"We both know very well how you act after alcohol. You drink some and then you spill all of your bitter regrets."
"Just remember who always initiates those kinds of meetings. Maybe you're just a sadist who loves to listen to me in pain?"
"I'll leave your words without a comment..."
Nathan, after reading the message, wanted to reply immediately, but he noticed that Matthew is writing another one. He didn't want to interrupt him, so he waited patiently. Nathan decided that he's going to start getting ready in the meantime. Matthew didn't live far away, just an hour drive with a night bus should work. Nathan put on his favorite green scarf and looked at himself in the mirror. He got it from Matt a long time ago in high school. He tried to gift it to someone to cut off his complicated emotions he endeavored Matt with. He knew that he shouldn't give away a gift meant for him, but he just had to get rid of his feelings for Matt. Helen kept telling Nathan that he should sell it, but he would never do that. He considers that gift as the most important present in his life. He wishes to give it to somebody important to him so it remains valuable.
Whenever he glanced at the scarf, he started reminiscing the good old days when he would sit with Matthew in class. Nathan would also remind himself of the very first day he started talking to him. How lucky he was to still have him in his life, just as close as they used to be. He loved every second spent with him, even when he got annoying.. Sometimes he misses those times. Many unexplainable thoughts crossed Nathan's mind. He started to think that maybe Matt is that important to him to receive the scarf, but giving away a gift would be too weird... And even so, Helen should be the most important to him, right?
"Focus on Helen!" Nathan got mad at himself when he remembered that he had to leave a note for Helen, so she doesn't think that he left her the day before their marriage. He turned on the location in his phone and proceeded to the bus stop. Now that he thought about it, Matthew was writing a message to him for quite a long time. Is he writing an essay or something?
To ease the atmosphere, Nathan wrote another message to Matt. "I look like I'm running away from my love. She should get some sleep before such an important day for the two of us, meanwhile I go drink. I left her a note and turned on the location in my phone, so she doesn't think I'm cheating on her."
Nathan put his phone back in his pocket, but soon enough he felt a vibration from it. He immediately read the message he got from Matthew. "Nathaniel, now I don't want to tell you that I think Helen isn't the one for you, I'm sure she is, but I think since she's going to be your wife soon enough, I think you should try to talk to her about your problems instead of me. I believe your wife should comfort you when you're conflicted, and you shouldn't have to hide your sorrows away from her. If you try to act perfect in front of her all the time, it won't work. Of course, I don't mean that you should entirely stop reaching out to me for help, just that you should also try talking to her in those matters as well."
"Writing serious messages like this one isn't like you, Matt. I don't want to think about this today, let me just drink at your place."
"I cleaned the house, took out our wine and prepared the table."
"I'll arrive soon enough, don't drink without me."
Some time later, Nathaniel came to Matthew's house. He rang the bell, and was soon let into the house.
"You're wearing this scarf from me now?" Matthew quickly felt that something is wrong. He knew that Nathan was trying to get rid of it, but didn't know why.
"Just let me drink, I'll probably let you know right away." Nathan answered.
"What if I wanted to hear something straight from you, and not your drunk self?"
Matt stopped him at his doorway.
"If you promise that we will drink together like usual, I can tell you everything now."
"In that case, I promise." Matthew stopped blocking the doorway, going with Nathan to sit at his couch.
"Matthew, you must help me, really. My marriage was supposed to be the best day of my life, but it just doesn't sit right with me. Every time I think about having children I feel fear, which is weird, considering I've always dreamt of them. Even now, when I think about the marriage, I didn't want it at all. It was her, she insisted on it, that it's the high time to finally get married. For me it's just the right order of things that I've been taught since I was little, so I decided she's correct. But now I can't stand all of this worrying... I don't know if I'm able to live with her for the rest of my life. When she confessed her love to me, I didn't really feel the same. When I said that I love her too, I just thought it's the logical thing to do, to reciprocate her feelings. Well, it is the right sequence of things after all. I had to find a girlfriend, then, I mean tomorrow, get married with her, and then have kids..."
"I think you were never so talkative about your problems while sober. Well, what can I say..."
Matthew gave Nathan the best advice he could think of. He didn't wish him and his love bad, they looked quite happy together after all. Even so, that deep feeling of sadness never left his heart. He has long wished of being Helen.
Matt... He's an amazing friend. Nathan values him so much. He's the best and closest friend Nathan has ever had since high school. The guy whom many girls were crazy about. He was like a brother to Nathan, at least that's what he called him in school. He was a perfect boyfriend for a beautiful girl? Boy? Nathan? Everything would be much simpler if he was a girl.
Matthew fell in love with Nathan in second grade of high school. He has always been good in maths, but something made him go to a humanities class. He thought that meeting Nathaniel there was fate. He loved annoying him all the time, and he still does. He couldn't help falling in love with his personality so fast. His heart started beating faster whenever he playfully stole stuff from him, and Nathan was so close to him while trying to retrieve the items. Sitting next to Nathan through the entirety high school allowed him to get closer to his love like nobody else. They were like lovebirds, whenever you saw one of them, the other one was always around.
Matthew was aware of Nathaniel's dreams. Get a girlfriend, get married, have children. Everything was already planned, there was no place for him. He promised to himself that he would never try anything more than just being friends with Nathan. He couldn't afford ruining their friendship, that would be worse than the end of the world. He swore that just being close to Nathan was enough. He prayed to God to help him in those difficult moments and stop him from sinning. He declared to himself that he will look at his love fulfilling his dreams and he will never interrupt, in fact, he will be happy along with him.
Every night he would say: "Dear God, if it is not destined that I will fall in love with a woman, even if I am alone forever, I won't sin. Forgive me my love for Nathaniel. Let him offer You prayers he can get praised for, whilst I can only beg for forgiveness."
...
Back to the present day. The conversation passed by fluently, the alcohol was pouring into their glasses again. Drinking away Nathan's regrets became a tradition for a long time. Matthew joked around with Nathan for a bit, stealing his glass whenever he wasn't looking. When Nathaniel took his hand out to grab his glass, but it wasn't there, Matthew pulled it out from behind his back and still held it in his hand.
"Matt, you bastard! Stop playing with me and let me drink! I told you that you should finally grow out of these childish behaviors!" Nathan said to his friend after seeing his glass in Matthew's hand.
"Try to grab it back, I know you love jumping around to retrieve back items I steal from you!"
"Matt, stop irritating me. I came here to put myself at ease!"
Matthew kept swinging Nathan's glass in his hand. Looking at angry Nathan just added to his fun. Matt decided that he would take a sip from not his glass, but as soon as he brought the glass up to his lips, Nathan jumped at him, pressing him against the couch he was on. Some wine spilled on the corner of Matt's lips, slowly flowing down to the couch.
"Nathan, get off me! We're adults now, we don't have to play cat and mouse anymore."
"But you still keep doing it, and you seem to love it so much... So I decided I'll play the cat which caught the mouse."
"Please pass me a tissue, the wine is about to stain my couch, and it will be difficult to remove the red stain..."
"Matt..." Nathan, sitting upon him, was staring into his beautiful green irises. Matthew couldn't help blushing when he saw how focused Nathan was on him. Matt got even more flustered when he felt Nathan's sudden touch on his cheek. Nathaniel started to gently pet it and started to brush his body against him... Maybe he's really just a cat?
"You're so close to me, I never understood why. Everyone focused on their own partners, but you kept following after me. You even learnt spanish so you could understand every word I say. You really amaze me..."
"Nathan, you drank too much, didn't you?" Matthew turned his head around, so he doesn't have to look at Nathan's face right above him. By doing that, his face landed on top of Nathan's hand, which was just petting his cheek.
Nathan laughed a bit from the view of such a disorientated, yet adorable, Matt. Nathan tilted his head using his hand, so he could look straight at him again. Matthew felt as if the air around them tensed up, well, not only time... Matt's mind started spiraling from drinking too much. He wasn't even sure if what he's experiencing right now is real, or if it is just one of his wet dreams, with the same person as usual.
Nathaniel got dangerously close to Matt's lips. He suggestively brushed his fingers against them, wiping off the rest of the spilled wine.
"Nathan, what are you trying to achieve by doing this?" Matthew tried to start any conversation just to get out of this uncomfortable situation. He knew that he wanted to be in this place for a long time, but he promised to himself that he wouldn't go so far with Nathaniel. Especially knowing that he has a loving girlfriend.
"Shhh..." Nathan put a finger on Matt's mouth. "Do you think I am dumb enough to not feel that you're hard?"
Matthew blushed so bad that he couldn't say anything. Soon enough he felt Nathan's penis brushing against his own. He couldn't deny that he got even harder from that, but he tried his best to not moan on the spot.
"Allow me to ask you one thing." Nathan said, not stopping his actions.
Matthew could feel Nathan's breath on his face, somehow reaching into his neck and spine. He just realized, that the two of them are wearing matching sweaters right now.
Nathan's lips started slowly opening to ask the question Matt was waiting to hear, whilst his hand started trailing lower and lower, right onto Matt's pants zipper. "¿Que harías si te besara ahora mismo?"
Matthew fell apart for a while and let out a quiet whimper. Just a moment later, he got the question from Nathan, who would start touching his hard cock soon enough. Matt couldn't keep hiding his pleasure anymore.
Suddenly, something struck Matt's mind, Nathan is getting married tomorrow! He promptly pushed Nathan off him, making him fall off the couch. "No! Ugh, stop this!! I can't ruin your relationship, not the day before your fucking marriage!"
"I didn't want to force anything onto you, I apologize if I hurt you... I've never done it with Helen before, tomorrow was supposed to be our first time." Crestfallen Nathan slowly got up from the floor onto his knees, and like a saddened puppy looked up at the angry, yet still a little aroused, Matthew.
"Fuck, no! That's not what I've meant! I've always dreamt and wished of doing it with you. I didn't mean to push you off so suddenly, and you saw very well how I reacted to your touch, getting all head over heels... You didn't hurt me. I just didn't want to ruin your marriage. You have a wife and the dream of having two children! There is no place for me in your life!" Matthew's voice cracked, as if he was going to start crying. Nathan's sad eyes comforted him a little, though. Some tears streamed down his cheeks, as he sat down to pet Nathan's head.
"God will hate me for this, I know, but I can't stand this anymore. The entirety of my life was following a scheme written by my parents, but I only recently realized what I really need. It's you. You, who I value so much. Even if I'm forced to marry Helen, I will still think of you whenever I go to bed with her. So let me satisfy my, no, our needs."
"When you come back to your wife in the morning, that means you just wanted to play with me, doesn't it? You just want to tell her later and laugh at me, that your best friend turned out to be gay? I'm not gonna let you play with me like that!"
"Matthew." Nathan stood up from the floor he was sitting on, taking advantage of the fact that Matt was sitting against the couch. He leaned down and said with a serious tone: "I love you. You're not just a friend nor a brother. You're my whole world. You're with me for such a long time. You're always so close to me. You're always up to comfort me whenever I feel worse. I miss the times when we could see ourselves in school everyday. When you would annoy me all the time, and I would do the same. When we were so close physically. I loved it, and you probably did too, just as much. Your heartbeat quickened, just like mine, whenever we got closer. I prayed to God every single night so he could forgive me this sin, but then I understood that it was pointless. If I char in hell because of this, burning with you by my side will be the best thing I'll experience after death."
"Nathan, I've loved you since second grade, but I swore to myself and to God that I would never sin with you..."
The moment of silence left Nathaniel uncertain. He was scared that his confession would go to waste.
"But today, I'll have to break that promise." Matt added after the, stressful for Nathan, while.
Nathan kissed Matt's lips gently. Immediately after their lips parted away, he brought his mouth up to Matt's lips once again, turning soft kisses slowly into something more passionate.
Matt pushed Nathan away for a second to tell him one thing: "If I do something uncomfortable for you, just say a word that will let me know."
"For example, I could shout out HELENNN!!!"
Matthew quickly put a hand on Nathans mouth. "No. You mustn't mention Helen during our sex. For the rest of my life I have to live with the fact that I am ruining your marriage right now, even if you love me with your whole heart."
...
Matthew grabbed Nathan by his hand and brought him into his bedroom. With his second hand, he grabbed the bottle of wine which he will use in their moment.
"Nathan, will you be a good puppy, and will you sit down in the middle of the bed?"
Nathan obediently listened to the command.
Matthew got closer to Nathaniel and looked at his unbuttoned shirt. He could notice that Nathan wears it that way for a long time now. Matt grabbed the collar of the shirt and kissed him passionately. At first, Nathan felt uptight, but he relaxed, or should I say got aroused, soon enough. Matthew knew how Nathan felt, his hand going down to Nathaniel's pants, where he touched his hard dick. Nathan moaned quietly, putting an end to their kiss. Nathan's eyes begged Matt to satisfy his needs, but he loved teasing him a little too much.
Matt moved his hand up to Nathan's hair and started petting him, as if he was his pet. Nathan enjoyed Matt's touch so much, that he started purring like a cat. After unbuttoning his shirt entirely, Matt put it off him to carefully glance at his thin body.
Matt gently brushed his fingers against both edges of Nathan's waist, while Nathan flinched at every little touch. He wasn't used to being treated this way, especially not by Matt. But it didn't bother him. Matt knew that he had to be gentle with Nathan, he couldn't harm him in any way. He wanted to make both of them gain as much pleasure as they could. Matt placed his hands higher, around the height of Nathan's nipples. He started to caress them carefully and staring at them, before licking them. It didn't take a long time until Nathan started whimpering quietly. He tried covering his mouth to muffle the sounds, but that didn't last. Matthew loved to hear Nathan's beautiful, aroused sounds.
Matt took his lips off Nathan's chest. "Don't cover your mouth, I love listening to your moans."
"Mmh, alright, darling.."
Matt, upon hearing this word, moved away from Nathan and took a glass of wine into his hand. The only thing he could think to himself was, if that's what Nathan calls his wife.
"Are you seriously going to drink while we're having sex?"
"If I wake up tomorrow, I'll think that this whole thing is just a dream after getting drunk. I don't think I'll be able to handle another option."
Matt drank as much as he could. He couldn't imagine that Nathan would call him the same as he calls his girlfriend, he even got a little irritated by that. The rest of the wine he had, he spilled on top of Nathan's naked body. He had to let out his anger somehow.
"Matthew, what the hell are you doing!?"
Matt enjoyed Nathan's angry reaction. He got closer to him, and while still having wine in his mouth, he kissed him on the mouth. Nathan couldn't do anything but swallow the drink that Matt passed into his mouth and enthusiastically kissed him again. Nathan was very hard at this point and Matt could feel that very well. He rubbed against his dick through his pants while kissing him. Matt moved away from Nathan, looking at the red wine streaming down Nathan's body.
"It was expensive, you know? It can't go to waste."
"You spilled it on me yourself, you idiot!"
Matt laughed and then started licking Nathan's neck. His tongue went down slowly, licking the wine spilled on his skin. When he reached his nipples, he stopped for a while to lick them very thoroughly. Nathan couldn't stop himself from whimpering. Matt's tongue took care of Nathan's upper body part, whilst his hands handled the lower one, taking off Nathan's pants.
Matthew kept licking off the wine, his head was going lower and lower. He only stopped when he got to Nathan's underwear, just then he could feel how hard and wet he is. Nathan was absolutely begging Matthew to touch his cock at this point, not only by his loud noises, but also by his lovely gaze. Even after these signs, Matt didn't listen to his needs yet. He pulled his head away from his body, rubbing his hand against Nathan's dick.
Nathan didn't know how long he could last and he was sure, that Matthew won't finish playing with him soon enough. But he loved it. Every time Nathan felt Matt's fingers on him, he got so satisfied. He loved how Matt kept slowly crossing so many boundaries, it made him so aroused. Nathan wanted to come already so bad and Matt could see that. As much as he loved teasing him, he finally put down Nathan's pants and grabbed his cock in his hand. He started out slow, focusing on Nathan's whines, but then he started speeding up his moves. He lied down his head on his arm, making him hear his moans better.
Nathan didn't know what to do with his hands, so he started untying Matthew's hair. He has always loved men with long hair, but he has never seen Matt with his hair down, so he decided to change that tonight. He started to play with his hair gently, while still whimpering into Matt's ear.
"Matt..." Nathan whimpered softly into his ear, making him jerk him off faster. "Matthew! Ah- Matt... I'm about to come, I can't stand much longer..."
Matt knew that damn well, but he didn't plan on stopping. "Come, my love."
After those words, Nathan ejaculated right onto Matthew's clothes.
Nathan hugged Matt very tightly, while Matt reciprocated the hug.
"Did you enjoy it?" Matt asked.
"You don't even know how much, please, let's not end this yet..."
Matthew decided to listen to the begging Nathan. He backed away from him for a bit and took off all his clothes. Nathan noticed that Matt's dick was as hard as his own.
"If you're pleading so bad, I can't just refuse. I also have to take care of myself anyway. Lay down."
Nathan obediently listened.
"I can also jerk you off, if you wish."
"No, I have a better idea."
Matthew got closer and started to spread Nathan's trembling legs. He didn't expect that Matt is going to handle him that way. Then, Matt's face approached Nathan's lips.
"May I come inside of you?"
As it became silent, Nathan looked into Matt's eyes with love.
"Matt... I'm begging you, yes..."
Matthew smiled as a reply and placed a short kiss on Nathan's mouth.
Right after that, Matt put two of his fingers into Nathan's mouth. He liked to look at how he licks them so gently. Matt just imagined the fingers as if they were his dick. He dreamt of Nathan gently handling his cock and licking it very carefully for so long...
"Mmh..." Nathan let out a quiet moan when Matthew quickly took his fingers out of his mouth.
But Matt didn't want to waste more time on listening to his moans, he wanted to hear him scream from pleasure. Matt found his fingers go from Nathan's mouth to his lower body parts.
"I'll try to be delicate, but let me know if it'll hurt." Matt told Nathan right before ruffling his hair.
Nathan nodded and purred as he felt Matt's gentle hands in between his hair. However, Matt's second hand was doing something much different. His covered in saliva fingers started to enter Nathan's ass. He couldn't use anything else as lube, so he had to use that instead. But Nathan didn't care, he was already groaning loud from just Matt's fingers.
Matthew loved those sounds so much that he didn't plan to stop any time soon. He tried to prepare Nathan as well as he could before inserting his penis into him. He would hate to make this painful for him. His fingers went as deep as they could, while fueled by Nathan's moans.
"Matt, please... I want something more than your fingers already." Nathan embraced Matt and pulled him closer to himself.
"As you wish, darling."
Matt took his fingers out of Nathan and started to slowly insert his cock. At first, it was difficult to fit it in, as Nathan was very tight. When he looked into Nathan's eyes, he could see that it's already a lot for him.
"Are you alright, love?" Matthew kissed Nathan's forehead while still trying to put it in.
"Nghh.. Mhm..." Nathan had tears in his eyes. As painful as it was for him, he liked it. Especially considering how he's doing it with Matt, that turned him on even more.
When Matthew finally pushed his whole cock inside, Nathan was cuddling Matt at this point. His legs were still shaking, so Matt had to make sure that he's alright.
"Ngh... Of course! Mmh, just fuck me already and stop building suspense between us!!"
Matthew listened to his partner. He started out slow, so he doesn't harm Nathan, but hearing him whimper made him go faster with every move. Nathan's eyes begged for him to go faster and harder, so Matt followed his expectations.
"Ah...! Nathan, I'm gonna come...!"
"Mmh... Darling, go on, finish in me..."
Matthew came inside Nathaniel. Both of them decided that they should finish their fun that night. Of course, Matt couldn't leave his beloved Nathan in that state. He bathed him and provided him as much comfort as he could. He kept asking if he's alright or if he needs anything. Nathan thought that it was very sweet of him, so they ended up falling asleep while cuddling eachother.
...
However, in the morning, Matt woke up and felt emptiness in his arms. He knew he would wake up in a different position than he fell asleep, since he moves a lot in his sleep, but as he looked around, he couldn't find Nathan anywhere.
"Darling?" Matt said out loud.
He visited every room in his house so he could find him, but he was nowhere to be found. Matt sat down in the middle of the bed, where he had so much fun in with his love last night. He wasn't sure what to think of this. Just yesterday, Nathan confessed his love to him. He stated that Helen didn't mean nothing to him. Maybe he regretted everything?
Matt didn't feel betrayed, just confused. Nathan was just cuddling with Matt, had sex with him, and now he's running away without a word? Matt was sure that yesterday's night didn't not mean nothing to Nathan. He had to atleast somewhat value it! Maybe it's because he drank too much? Maybe Matt was wrong about whether Nathan loved him or not? Did he mean nothing to him? Maybe he just wanted to play with him, that's it? Why did he disappear so suddenly?
Despaired Matt decided to go out for a walk. Oh, after all, he still has Nathan's wedding invitation. He decided to not show up, though. He isn't too sure if he can handle the view of Nathan kissing Helen, while he knows that he was kissing him just a few hours ago...
He was about to put on his shoes, but then he saw that there is something on his hanger. Is that...
Nathan's green scarf?
"So I did mean something to you, huh?" Matthew laughed to himself.
He put on the scarf. He could tell it was Nathan's judging by the distinctive, calming smell. Tears started rolling down his cheeks, sinking into the green fabric.
"I just hope that God will forgive you this sin eventually."