Chapter Text
Zanka sat in the corner, away from all the other cleaners. Separating himself from his betters with an invisible wall. He was at one of the many cleaners “celebrations”, which was pretty much just an excuse for most of them to get drunk and get away from the job for a while. His companion laughed and drank together.
Some playing cards others ate food most just socialized; which apparently Zanka was incapable of doing.
He sat a little ways away from them, his food slowly growing cold on his plate. The feeling in his core only made him feel like more of a disgrace. Not only was he not talking and wasting his food, he was sitting alone feeling roots and vines curl in his stomach and grow in his nerves.
On its own it was just a sickness; the reason it was so disgraceful was the cause of said sickness . A certain raider that might as well be the cleaner worst opponent (other than the big boss).
Jabber wonger.
A freak-masochistic-psychotic-
Maniac. Zanka for a reason he doesn’t understand himself is in love with the man. Not only is he odd personality wise, he’s also an enemy of the cleaner, having almost killed Gris(and himself) along with barely failing to take Rudo. And he desperately wants to resent him for those facts.
He wanted to deny it, but the first time he had coughed up flowers made it so much harder to ignore. The vines corrupted his body and mind making him obsessed with him, wanting only his attention and approval.
He hated how helpless he felt; for the better part of a year almost every night he would stay awake abdomen feeling as if the vines had rip through the lining stomach and were stabbing all his vital organs as he bleed out not able to do anything about it.
And when sleep would come, jabber would haunt his dreams showing up just to stare or talk about how much of a failure he was for loving him and how he’d never reciprocate those feelings.
And Zanka knew that was the truth.
And yet still he wanted to drown in those eyes no matter how much he remembered the pain of fighting him; bright pink would stare at him and his mind would go blank, in pure bliss and heaven constructed by killer magenta. He wanted to hug and kiss and kill and hurt jabber so much it gave him a fucking disease. He wanted to hurt him forever and have jabber hurt him just as much.
He wanted to fight and laugh and sit in silence. He wanted to be able to look at him and have an entire conversation with their eyes. He wanted to kiss him till they could not breathe. He wanted to see him bloody on the floor begging for Zanka to hit him just one more time. He wanted to expose his deepest, darkest secrets and get to know his mind. He wanted to feel the cool metal of Mankira when they held hands. He wanted to fight each other in till the day the ground drowned in trash.
He wanted to give him the world; his life if jabber so wished it.
The party flowed around him his friends forgetting he was there entirely of he had to guess.
The growths in his stomach were acting up again causeing sharp pains to shoot through his body. He tried his best to not flinch or look in pain at all, but it was a fight to keep his face neutral.
He decided it was time to go, picking himself up from the chair and scurrying out of the party unnoticed the best he could. It was a short walk back to his room but in that time his pain went from
Maybe a five to an eight.
He continued the trek to his room his feet dragging on the floor each step felt like unleashing fire ants in his nerves. Each second it was noticeable harder to merely pick up his feet and move forwards.
He eventually dragged himself to his room unlocking the door with to much force. He was struggling to breath now, wondering if he would pass out from the pain of standing. The lock clicked open and he immediately toss him self to the floor not bothering to lock his door back.
He curled up in a fetal position grabbing loavly assistaff from the wall and wrapping his arms around her and himself.
Unshed tears falling from his eyes as he choked barely able to take in air as wave of pain washed through his body. He shook harshly, everywere his body touch clothes, skin, the floor felt like it was being stabbed by thorns.
He coughed desperately for air clawing at his chest around assistaff. Petals fluttered to the ground. Pink and stained with blood. He begged silently for the pain to stop, more tears falling.
He did not know how much time had passed his face still wet with tears and pain still going strong. His internal clock always seeming to stop in this state, making it feel like an eternity of suffering.
Assistaff could only offer so much comfort. Her soul sang sad songs in response to his cry’s he wished desperately she could talk to him, console him.
Jabbers pink orbs spiraled in his mind thinking about their hypnotizing properties. he wanted to hate him for unleashing this hell on zanka but he knew deep down he did not blame the beautiful raider in the slightest, actually it was his fault for not being able to hold the raiders love or attention. He was much too ordinary to capture the focus of a person like that. As much as he admired being an average-Joe, he knew some people were just out of his league.
Another wave of overwhelming pain crashed through his body as he clutched his lovely stick tighter with one hand. The other slammed down on the ground looking for something to relieve the swelling pain in his body. He hoped it had not been too loud, his own ears ringing. Tears filled his vision again as he whimpered out a cry.
There was a sudden light in the room he could tell it was warm casting over him but the endless pain clouded his thoughts. He curled further away from the source and more pain rippled through him. Suddenly a hand pressed to his back softly, the contact snapping him out of the abyss of horrific feelings. Though it was not a necessarily pleasant touch stinging infected the area. He opened his eyes and saw familiar red locks cascading around him.
Riyo looked down at him looking somewhere between worried and horrified, Green eyes locked on Zanka. More tear feel from his eyes a he curled in on himself more.
“Zanka…” her voice distant and muffled. He could tell she said something else but couldn’t make out syllables or sounds.
He coughed again more bright pink petals scattering around.
Recondition flash across her feature realizing finally what was happening. He did not want anyone to know, let alone her she would…. Pity him…. That though hurt almost more that the growths in his stomach.
The pain was too much his vision starting to fill with little stars.
They multiplied, filling his vision till the world went black.
———
When Zanka woke it was Much brighter and softer than the floor he had been laying on previously. It was normal at this point to pass out from the pain. It ended the feeling for a short while, ended the thought and emotions associated with his illness; he would always have a dreamless sleep but instead of a pitch black abyss, it was pink and purple swirls. Other than that no thoughts haunted his mind for a short while.
Curiouity stung at the edges of his brain wondering why it was such a different environment?
Suddenly the memory of Riyos green eyes peirceing him with worry flash in his head.
He sat up from his lying down position, to a perfectly straight and tense posture with in seconds. His eye adjusted to lights around him.
He recognized where he was the infirmary! Why was he here he was fine…. Maybe not fine but he didn’t want anyone to know about his infuriating sickness.
The next think he noticed was Enjin standing in front of zankas bed looking down at him. His face was a mix of concern and anger.
But Zanka could see it his eyes he was disappointed.
He glanced around frantically noticing Riyo looking at him in a chair worried expression still on her features. Eisha was to his left checking a clip bored very obviously trying to avoid his gaze. Why were they all here?
Enjins voice Broke the silence “when were you planning on telling us you had hannhaki disease?” His voice a mix between anger and genuine guilt.
Zanka knew what he had been dealing with, he had almost known since before the first time he coughed up petals. But hearing it aloud was somthing different entirely. It felt like a curse, he hatted how helpless he felt. Even if he tried to say he was fine, Riyo still saw him. Along with other the fact he still felt like shit now more than ever with the heightened emotions effect the diseases symptoms.
“I-“ he tried to defend him self but his voice died in his throat. What did he even say “sorry I’ve been lying for almost a full year. Oh and im in love with jabber. Also Just so you know I’ve been in incredible pain for a very long time”. Obviously the truth would not go over well, so a version of the truth that involves no lies, but also not the full story. It would have to work.
Zanka cleared his throat “ eleven month… I’ve had it for eleven months”
Enjin looked horrified, probably cause of how pathetic he sounded. “Kid-“ he started raising his voice but stoped instead choosing to let out a tired sigh. He grab a cigarette from his pocket lighting it before taking a long puff.
“Look kid,” he started up again. “ I’m not mad, scratch that I am mad but we will talk about that later. For now I just want to know why you felt like you couldn’t tell us?” His voice sounded distant almost sad, Disappointed.
Zanka didn’t know how to answer that with out spilling what or WHO he was trying to hide from them. He settled on “I just didn’t know how to tell yall. And I was fine as long as it didn’t effect my mission I assumed it wouldn’t concern other people”.
The face Enjin made told Zanka he’d said somthing wrong, but what part was it? Zanka would have to analyze this conversation later to figure out the problem and fix it.
Enjin sighed once more taking another long drag of his cigarette “look Zanka I’m not gonna ask who it is cause that’s your business, but we can help you move on together. Rejections
is a-“
“they haven’t technically rejectioned me yet” he interjected without thinking.
“WHAT! Your telling me you been SUFFERING HORRIBLE PAIN FOR ELEVEN DAMN MONTH AND YOU HAVEN’T TALKED TO THEM” if he wasn’t mad before enjin was mad now. He had every right to be Zanka was pathetic for being such a coward.
Riyo stood up chair scraping on the floor as she walked up behind Enjin, putting a hand on his shoulder in attempt to calm him down. “Let’s be honest” she giggled sadly “has ‘the Zanka nijiku’ ever been good at feelings?”. Though it was true Zanka still frowned at her. “we also don’t know the whole story, so don’t get to mad yet I bet he had his reason… that dose not mean I support his actions”. She specified, Zanka had the feeling she had an idea of the complicated nature of his emotions, possible relating to them.
They both paused and before they could speak again he started with his own words. “look I’m sorry I didn’t want to bother you all with MY burdens. And I’m sorry if I made you mad. But I would like to ask if you could not tell anyone?” He said sorrowfully.
“Zanka” Enjins tone was somehow different this time in a way he couldn’t put his finger on. “Please stop apologizing. And I’m sorry but i do have to tell Semiu and the boss, but other than that I’ll keep it between us” he smiled regretfully.
“Ok, I understand. I’m sor-“ he closed his mouth looking away from Enjins eyes.
Riyo voice spoke this time softer and in a different direction, “ Eishia, have you figured out anything to help?”
“Um-“ she spoke nervously face heating. “I’ve fi-figured it’s pretty far along in the sicknesses life span, it dose not look like it’s going anywhere it’s rooted ve-very deep in his system” she paused worriedly. “it looks like it’s cause extreme pain flare up and over all sluggish-ness if I had to g-guess” her voice got softer twords the end. Zanka hated how correct she was. “I’m going to give you some st-stuff to help with pain… take with each meal I should help reduce the frequency of the attacks. Though I’m not sure how much it will help with how severe the c-case is”. She finished with a nervous smile.
“Thank you Eishia” Riyo said grateful.
“Yes I really appreciate what you’re trying to do for me, thank you I have no doubt it will help.” Zanka tried to sound as sincere as possible.
Zanka had the feeling no matter how well the medication worked, the future was going to be hell.