Chapter Text
May 30th
Mike added Dustin👾 to group chat
Mike added Lucas 🏀⛹️⛹️⛹️♂️🗑️⛹️🏀 to group chat
Mike added Janey👽🐦⬛ to group chat
Mike added Maxine Lily Mayfield ☹️ to group chat
Mike added Beautiful Boy 🐞💛 to group chat
Mike titled group chat 'The Party'
Mike: I think you may all know why I gathered you here
Lucas: Yo dustins b-day was tuff. We need shorts
Lucas: shirt sayas 'I witnessed Dustin and Janes beautiful romantis Kiss at Dustins birth day party and all I got was this stupid shirt❗️❗️❗️❗️'?
Lucas: thoughts?
Will: I would wear.
Dustin: I do notlike it
Mike: wonderful idea Lucas I think we should do it now!!!
Jane: For the record, I am not on board. I think it is silly and I would not wear it.
Max: absolute ball
Max: I would not take it off
Max: it would smell absolutely foul
Max: another brilliant plan of Lucasesesus
Jane: *Lucas's
Mike: avlight bruv who taught her to correct
Dustin: 😊😅🫣🤭
Jane: *alright
Jane: 😘🥰😚😁
Will: disgusting.
Will: i expected better of my own Flesh and blood
Jane: ❓
Will: Dustin Carter Henderson?
Jane: Michael Alan Wheeler?
Will: THAT WAS ONCE ON GOD
Max: 🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏
Jane: ❓
Max: it means clock his tea. Remember clocking tea
Jane: yeah
Jane: 🤏🍵
Lucas: Ibfear we have strayed
Lucas: is the Big dustinxJane to fruition?
Dustin: 🫣🤭
Mike: lowk we should eggsecute him
Jane: 💉🥚
Will: i was thinking 🥚🔫
Jane: 🍳
Max: is he not your boyfriend?
Jane: ❓
Jane: Dustin is my boyfriend.
Max: why execute him?
Jane: fun.
Will: 🤏🤏🤏
Mike: 🤏🤏🤏🤏
Lucas: 🤏🤏
Max: 🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏🤏
Dustin: 🥺😭Fr babe?
Lucas: "babe" ?????? : (((!!!!!!!!
Jane: People in relationships call eachother pet names like 'babe'.
Max: Lucas call me dickface
Jane: Does he love you?
Max: a lot.
Jane: By the way, darling, it is not 'for real'. I was joking. I love you!
Dustin: 💜❤️💜❤️💜❤️💜❤️
Jane: 💜❤️ (The hearts are us)
Will:I fucking hate it hear
Will: I hate being single
Will: this is bc im gay isnt it
Will: discrimination.
Lucas: DARLING? NUH UH UH!
Max: Lucas these are us 💚🧡
Lucas: your the orng bc your Ginger
Max: no ur the orng bc backetball
Lucas: So true sis
Mike: Im here too.
Mike: 🟡🔵me and will by the way
Will: if yall even care
Jane: *💛💙
Will: on god when i catch u Jane
Will: I'm telkinf Hopper u kissed a boy
Jane: *🟡🔵 I meant circles I swear.
Mike: tea will
Mike: 🤏🤏🤏🤏
Mike: on god my tummy hurts
Max: "Tummy"
Max: girl what arebyoh five?
Mike: god forbid
Mike: probably the evil and intimidatif 🏳️⚧️🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸
Jane: What does this mean?
Jane: Transgender blood? Has Mike been hate crimed?
Max: oh no sis. Period.
Jane: Period as in "A moment in time", or period as in "Clock slay sis gagged tea purr" or period as in punctuation?
Will: "Clock slay sis gagged tea purr" is amazing honey
Max: the secret fourth more evil option
Max: menstration
Jane: Oh no! Mike don't die! 🍫🍫🍫
Mike: thank you I appreciat it
Dustin: I'm here too
Jane: I'm glad you are!
Lucas: Cornballllllllll
Will: Girl you could have been here the whole time
Dustin: yall were talking bout period
Will: and? Are you not ally
Jane: 🤏
Dustin: I concede. Sorry
Mike: I am not menstrating
Mike: I really putvthe Men in Menstrating
Mike: butnot right now
Lucas: bro checked
Mike: bro did
Lucas: is that normal?
Max: the onlyodd thing about it is Michael unfortunately? Hard to bully here
Jane: That is unfortunate. We could have synced Mike. : (
Mike: : (
Mike: our souls are tied but our uteruss are not
Mike opened private messages to Maxine Lily Mayfield☹️
Michael Alan 🤓🤓: On god my period is like five weeks late
Michael Alan🤓🤓: fuck my life
Maxine Lily Mayfield☹️: growing up so fast
Maxine Lily Mayfield☹️: Why could this not have been mass
Michael Alan🤓🤓: because dothe goddamne math
Michael Alan🤓🤓: fucking gingerz
Maxine Lily Mayfield☹️: I don't wanna
Maxine Lily Mayfield☹️: I'm not a geek like you
Maxine Lily Mayfield☹️: I'm only a woman
Michael Alan🤓🤓: seven weeks prior
Maxine Lily Mayfield☹️: OH SHITVI GET IT NOW
Maxine Lily Mayfield☹️: ONG GANG UR SCREWED UR DYING BUT ILL BUT YOU A TEST. ILL DIG UR GRAVE GANGILANG. I CANT BELIEVE MPREG IN REAL LIFE 🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃
Michael Alan🤓🤓: this is why women couldnt vote
Michael Alan🤓🤓: all on u
Michael Alan🤓🤓: but tyyyy
Michael Alan🤓🤓: please buy 🍫too my tummy hurt
The Party
Max: driving to CVS for my dumbass friend
Will: ?
Max: I'm secretmaxxing sorry
Dustin: since when are we secretmaxxing? Why are we keeping secrets
Lucas: Max pls I'm ur bf
Lucas: 🧡💚I thought this was us
Lucas: butvin reality this was us🧡🟩
Max: NO I PROMMY ITS IMPORTANT
Jane: We mustn't dispute.
Jane: Nor be a confidante.
Mike: *confidant
Mike: haha I fucking got u
Jane:A confidant is a male secret keeper. A confidante is a female secret keeper
Mike: I'm really doing it this time
Will: not funny btw
Dustin: this time? Gang u really did it when we were Twelve like girl shur up
Mike: I was trying to be silly I'm not actually gonna kms
Dustin: notsilly gang
Mike: okie dokie ig
Mike: Jane why do you never correct Dustins spelling and only mine. Is it bc im tran
Jane: No! It is because Dustin is my boyfriend whom I love dearly. 💜❤️
Mike: Will please tell Hopper she kissed a boy she PMO fr icl
Jane: Those are just letters?
Dustin: It means piss me off for real I cant lie babe
Will: on it🫡
Jane: Please don't Will. I'm your sister
Jane: This is us 💜🟡
Will: jabe didn't u tell Hooper I was gay
Jane: I didn't know what it meant!
Jane: I thought you were sick!
Dustin: This is not fair to my gf Hopper litteraly didn't give two shits u were 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
Dustin: he literaely tried to kill mike
Mike: no I lowk deserved it
Dustin: I don't!
Will: I'm doing it
Will opened private message to Dad reprise
Son Will: Dad I fear I have a messade
Dad reprise: okay
Son Will: at Dustins birth day party
Son Will: Jane kissed a boy
Son Will: it was Dustin
Son Will: Jane has a bf
Dad reprise: okay
Dad reprise: 🥳
Son Will: why arent u mad
Dad reprise: why would I be mad
Dad reprise: its no mike
Dad reprise: Dustins my favorite non child anyway
Son Will: the reason has always been mike?
Dad reprise: yeah?
Son Will: what if I kiss mike?
Dad reprise: did you kiss mike
Son Will: no
Dad reprise: keep it that way
Dad reprise: if I find out otherwise youre grounded for a month
Son Will: Dustin=janes boyfriend
Dad reprise: 🥳
Tha Party
Dustin: noooo please don't do it
Dustin: on god please
Dustin: will ill give you Like three comics
Will: girl his ass did not care😢
Mike: since when!
Will: its bc Dustins his favorite
Will: and hhe fucking Hates mikes
Will: ill send yall the messages
Will: (attaches two screenshots)
Max: on god will why were u lying to ur dad
Max: knowing full well yall kissed
Mike: kissed is an underststedment
Mike: 😼
Will: 😼😽
Lucas: and why are yall not datang
Will: idk man
Mike: his penis is tint
Will: UH UH NOT TRUEEEEE
Mike: jkjk it s grower not a shower
Jane: What does the mean?
Dustin: I wish I didn’t know.
Will:🙈 Mike I don’t want my peen detailed to my friends
Will: I’ll tell them bout ur cooky vag
Mike: girl you just make stuff up
Will: damn his pus so cooky his labia so wacky
Mike: MY PUSS IS NORMALL
Jane: If you are having menstrual trouble it is most likely abnormal.
Dustin: Can’t believ Mike has cooky cooter
Max: At the check out at the CVS why are we talking about wills Cock and mikes puss
Lucas: My penis is normal.
Jane:🥳
Will: girl you just like you’re dad
Jane: *Your
Jane: Thank you!
Dustin: I think we need people to testify
Dustin added Bitch Ass Sister
Dustin added Byers (the less cute one)
Dustin: you cannot talk now we have witnesses
Nancy: what were you talking about?
Will: nothing at all
Lucas: it was so dry istg
Jane: Genitalia.
Jon: What????????
Nancy: WTH! How crass!
Will removed Byers (the less cute one)
Mike removed Bitch Ass Sister
Will: ayo Dustin please rot in hell
Will: Jane you too
Mike: I’m actually done living.
Mike: this is why max and will are my only friends
Lucas: why not me?
Mike: you weren’t convincing enough.
Mike🟡🔵🟩🧡👿❌
Mike: me and gang
Will: I love this
Max: why am I square?
Max: after all I do for you
Jane: I am not the devil.
Mike:*🟡🔵🧡👿❌💚💚💚💚💚💚💚
Lucas: Mike stop flirting with my girlfriend
Mike: woah there buddy
Mike: that’s my best friend
Will: 😔🥺
Mike: your different will
Will:🤭🫶
Jane: *You’re
Jane: Mike, stop flirting with my brother.
Mike: sincerely, never
Will: that’s why we’re the best of buds👯♂️
Mike: it’s so sad there not a mixed gender version of these for me and Max
Mike: this is us💃🕺
Max: WAIT NO ABSOLUTELY
Max: I’m texting and driving btw so if I literally die be
Dustin: did she die?
Mike: no she’s just joking she does this to me all the time I fucking hate it
Lucas: yeah me too.
Lucas: she wants us to mourn her
Max: okay way to ruin the fun.
Jane: You dying would not be fun.
Max: she’s so sweet 🥹💚💜
Mike: no she’s not *💚👿
Jane: Yes I am.
Dustin: Clock him babe🤏🤏🫖😗
Jane: 😚
Max opened private message to Michael Alan🤓🤓
Maxine Lily Mayfield☹️: I got you chocolate and the test because I’m stupid enough to be your friend.
Maxine Lily Mayfield☹️: we are having a sleepover btw if it’s positive or not
Michael Alan🤓🤓: cute
Michael Alan🤓🤓: tysm btw. This does lowk mean something to me but I’m too much of a goob to express it
Maxine Lily Mayfield☹️: aww he loves me 💙💚
Maxine Lily Mayfield☹️: Mike is gonna be such a good little dad 🫃👨🍼
Michael Alan🤓🤓: SHUT UP SHUT UR ASS UPPP
Michael Alan🤓🤓: you doNT EVEN KNOW IM GONNA HAVE A BABY
Michael Alan🤓🤓: nothing has been proven
The Party
Lucas: what are y’all listening too.
Lucas: my music taste is as dry as an infertile cows utters I need recs
Lucas: listening to Sierra Leone by the big frank btw
Dustin: Sinatra?
Lucas: Ocean
Dustin: Amateur hour
Dustin: I am listening to I was made for lovin’ you by KISS
Jane: This is fun!
Dustin: I was made for loving you babe💜❤️ ☺️🤏
Jane: I love you too!
Jane: I am listening to “Iris” by Solya!
Will: I KNEW YOU WERE MY SISTER
Will: 💛💜ISTG I KNEW YOU WERE MY SISTER
Will: I’m listening to tell me it’s over by Solya
Lucas: who is the Solya woman and what do the Byers have for her
Will: SHE IS SO AMAZIBF SHE DRIVES ME COOCOO NUTZO I LOBBBE HER
Jane: I would have to agree.
Mike: I sniffed speech of Solya
Mike: can she be queen of Indiana next
Will: so true
Will: we need to bring back monarchy for her
Mike: I’m listening to my iron lung if anyone cares
Will: 😗🥹I care
Lucas: I don’t sorry I’m not listening to virgin music
Mike: not even a virgin btw
Lucas: don’t even care btw+I get laid more than you+ l+ratio
Max:🤏
Max: listening to love me anyway by chappel roan
Lucas: do I need to listen to Solya and Chappell roan
Mike: lesbianmaxxing
Mike: yes btw
Max: yes
Jane: yes!
Will: yes
Dustin: wouldn’t Lucas be so much better if he was a lesbian
Max: Yes
Max: the only this that would make me more attracted to him
Lucas: is that a compliment or not
Max: idk it’s just the truth
Lucas: honesty is hot
Lucas: please stay at my home
Max: sorry I can’t I’m blowing you off for the big Alan
Lucas: the big who now what now?
Max: the big Michael alan
Mike: hi✋
Will: why are they hanging out without us
Max: scoops ahoy conspiring
Mike: icecream type shit
Mike: 🍦🍨
Mike: my bsf is here sorry I can’t talk!
Will: hey😠
Dustin: so they just hate us btw
Jane: Don’t worry! You have me darling!
Dustin: yeah who needs them anyway.
Lucas: I do btw
Lucas: I love my gf sorry
Will: you should be
Jane: Max and Mike are my friends!
Will: sucks 4 u
Max opened private messages to Michael Alan🤓🤓
Maxine Lily Mayfield☹️: do you need me in the bathroom
Maxine Lily Mayfield☹️: not in a perv way
Maxine Lily Mayfield☹️: I hear crying that’s not good
Maxine Lily Mayfield☹️: tell me when you need me.
Michael Alan🤓🤓: I hate my stupid life so much
Maxine Lily Mayfield☹️: I have icecream and snickers for when you need it.
Michael Alan🤓🤓: I need it