Work Text:
Dave sat alone and perturbed, gazing into the murky darkness around him. He'd woken up after having yet another nightmare. A typical recurring dream involving his Bro. An old memory.
He stared at the ceiling, chest rising and falling with strained, distressed breaths. He forced himself to slow down, fists squeezed tight in the blanket.
Gathering his wits, he mustered the strength and motivation to rise. Eerie greenish light glowed through the crack under his door, the only light left at this hour on the meteor.
He sighed and slowly shuffled out of his bed to get up, knowing he wasn't going to sleep again soon. He decided to make his way to the “kitchen” aka the nutrition block, his hair tossed and disheveled.
He meandered, mulling over his thoughts and attempting to compose himself. The same old bullshit. Still haunted by the ghost of a long dead mad tyrant. His “Bro”. What a stupid title for his useless, piece of shit wannabe “father”.
Yet, habit ruled and in his mind “bro” was still the man’s name. Certainly better than calling him a “Dad”.
When he was young he thought his guardian was some kind of hero, but he'd always been lying to himself.
Heroes don't starve, beat, and terrorize their kids. He never even had a mediocre parent, let alone a good one. He was now able to see that.
And deep down, some part of him always knew that. But for the longest time, he clung to that lie like a life raft. He needed to believe it, to get by.
Survival instinct, habit, defense mechanism. Whatever it is. He made it out of that hell and into this purgatory.
He watched his own feet as he walked, shuffling. Step by step, he felt himself come back to reality.
Karkat caught sight of Dave from down one of the many labyrinthine halls, though he wasn't aware of it. He was about to ask what he was doing, but something stopped him.
Besides, Karkat was in no position to say anything, having hardly slept in days.
What was the point in sleeping if he just consistently woke up paranoid and afraid anyway? Karkat rolled his eyes obliviously at Dave's slumped figure and continued on his way, heading past the nutrition block.
Karkat had a complicated love affair with wandering the halls during rest hours. He loved the near perfect silence of it all, and allowing himself a bit more freedom. But he never knew where to go, and occasionally found himself lonely, reminded of bitter memories.
Walking halls that used to occupy more friends who weren't around anymore. Sad reminders around every other corner. There was a quiet melancholy to it, something peaceful yet somber. So many mistakes and misadventures in these halls.
Dave went to the fridge and found himself staring into it without really looking at anything. His eyes locked on a bottle of apple juice, and he shuddered, reminded of the apartment back in Texas.
He silently closed the door and leaned against the counter, shaking ever so slightly. He was coming back to grips with reality, yet the anxiety remained. The dissociation wore off, yielding a wave of emotion and quiet distress.
He didn't like to think of himself as a victim, but he couldn't stop feeling that old anxiety. Even all this time later. Like a curse, it clung to him. He shifted his weight, sighing shakily.
Meanwhile Karkat eventually decided to wander back the other direction, once again passing the nutrition block, assuming Dave had gotten whatever he wanted and left.
He glanced inside as a small light still shone from within, and was surprised to find Dave leaning on a nearby surface, trembling. Almost imperceptible, if not for Karkat’s natural sense for the emotional state of others. Something was definitely wrong.
He hesitated before slowly walking up to Dave’s slouched frame.
“Dave?” He softly inquired, restraining his usually abrasive voice.
Dave’s head whipped aside. His stunned, partially obscured eyes locked on Karkat from behind his shades, realizing that he wasn't alone anymore.
“I...It’s nothing man, don't worry about it.” He mumbled insincerely, staring at the floor. He shuffled a little, trying to keep his mind off of his issues. Not in front of someone, especially not Karkat.
He noticed his breathing was still a bit unstable and trained it back to a normal pace, not wanting to freak the troll out.
Karkat rolled his eyes. “Oh come on Dave. I know better than to believe that flimsy fucking lie.” he said, unintentionally seeming a bit snarky as usual. He hesitated at how shaken and uncomfortable Dave looked, noticing as he evened out his breathing.
“Alright Strider. Spill.” He pushed back his own apprehension and walked over, lightly setting a hand on Dave’s shoulder.
He knew those actions all too well. The small, little ones that are hardly noticeable. He didn't like it. Dave was clearly masking some intense stress, and Karkat could feel it hanging over him like a miasma. Usually Dave was so nonchalant about everything, but occasionally he had this… cloud over him. He was stiffer, less talkative, more introspective. His signature humor fell silent in these moments, leaving him walking around with a vacant, hollow look.
With a tone of sincerity, Karkat looked up into Dave’s eyes. “The last time I didn't do something about my friends having obvious problems eating at them, half of them died. Please.”
A beat passed in silence as Dave considered this. He bit his inner lip nervously, eyes dropping to stare at the floor in resignation. He didn't want to make Karkat anxious or worried. “Let's go somewhere else first.”
He led the way slowly, staring at his feet as they walked, hoping he was able to maintain something akin to his typical stone face.
Karkat followed, curious and concerned. He padded after Dave silently. The two walked without words, Karkat trailing just a few steps behind.
Dave led him into his block and closed the door behind them. He took a deep breath before taking a seat.
“It was just a nightmare. And I'm not talking about your typical fake scenario nightmare that you know isn't real. I was reliving the worst period in my life, my early childhood.”
Karkat nodded, unaware of the full weight of this admission. He knew Dave’s childhood was different from other humans’ upbringing, or apparently it was. But he hadn't ever been given the impression that it was this bad.
Now he was second guessing himself at Dave’s confession. He didn’t say anything, merely offering a silently compassionate and attentive gaze. His brow furrowed, his ears perked up to listen, and he frowned in concerned anticipation. He was ready to let Dave speak his mind without interrupting.
“I’d rather not go into detail but… it was bad. I couldn't sleep after that.” Dave muttered quietly, subconsciously wrapping his arms around himself.
This vulnerable posture was unusual to see from Dave, and it took Karkat off guard.
Karkat stayed silent until he was sure Dave wasn't going to say anymore. “Well uh, I'm not a total asshole so I won't make you talk about it if you don't want to. But I mean- I can listen. You know? If not, do you want to try to fall asleep again, maybe? Would it help if I sort of… stand guard for you?” Karkat fidgeted with his claws, not quite sure what to say but being as cautious as he could.
“Not really. I'm afraid to let my mind go back there. I'm not scared of what's around us on this dumb rock, I'm scared of what's in here.” Dave mumbled, pointing emphatically at his own skull.
He hated being seen like this, even though he knew Karkat would understand better than anyone how it is to live in constant fear.
“It's just… every other time I close my eyes he's right there. Standing over me with a sword to my throat, smirking all smug like he won a real fight. He's dead, but somehow he's still haunting me.” Dave sighed, then continued.
“I was just a kid. I didn't even weigh a buck. That stupid asshole really acted all high and mighty about kicking around an 80 pound child that he was actively starving on a regular basis? Insane.”
He rambled, everything tumbling out at once. “I held on, kept up the tough guy schtick. But fuck, dude. That shit hurt, and I was scared the whole time. Every moment of my life there in that shithole little apartment. I was like a caged animal. Slowly going nuts from isolation, and from being repeatedly neglected, terrorized, and hurt. I hid it, but I've always been scared. Even now. He's long dead and gone, but I'm still scared of the piece of him that's alive inside of me.”
Dave held his head in his hands, trying to hold himself together “I feel so stupid because I used to idolize him, I thought he was a hero. He was MY hero… then I realized that I was being brainwashed to believe that, and I let myself be delusional about it because it was easier to ignore it, until I realized how fucked up it was.”
Karkat stared at Dave for a moment, slightly stunned. He had no idea how to comfort the other, which was upsetting because he really wanted to help. He shook his head slightly and sat next to Dave, slowly and hesitantly draping his arm around Dave’s shaking shoulders.
“This okay?”
“Mhm.”
It pissed him off that Dave's guardian would do that, that he would pick on, beat, and brainwash a kid he was supposed to be protecting and guiding. Lusii, guardians; they're flawed. But they're supposed to be decent, at least. They're not supposed to actively torture their own ward.
Karkat sat there, awkward yet sincere. He was uncomfortable but set this aside, wanting to feel and understand, yet unable to fully fathom the implications. He wanted to help, but lacked so much context.
Dave leaned into his shoulder slightly, appreciating the awkward comfort nonetheless. He shook as he fought to keep from fully feeling it, still struggling with knowing how to let out his anger and sadness over everything. He couldn't cry, not in front of someone.
Hell, he could barely do it alone.
He hadn't ever given himself a chance before. Bro would have told him to ‘suck it up.’ or ‘be a man’, ‘get over it’. Crying got his ass kicked. Crying got him called names and belittled.
He almost wanted to laugh bitterly at the thought. A sad, mangled little chuckle left his throat– then he barely held in a small sob.
He choked on it, biting it back hard. No. Even now he couldn't rid himself of that bullshit.
“Shit. I'm sorry I didn't mean to fall apart like this, you have your own problems.” Dave recoiled, withdrawing into himself and becoming as small as he could subconsciously.
Karkat stopped him, waving it off. “Dave, don't apologize. Sometimes you just need to let it out and you can't be alone. Pretty sure we all have those moments.”
Dave swallowed hard. Karkat sighed softly, a sound somewhere between worry and uncertainty. “I may not be the best person for this job, but I get what you're dealing with in my own way. Also...thanks for trusting me?”
He studied the way Dave was reacting and moving. He still wasn't really crying yet, but Karkat could tell he was as close to it as he'd ever witnessed.
Dave sighed, seeming drained and deeply tired. “I appreciate you listening. This isn't something I really talk about ever. Shit, I hardly think about it if I can avoid it, let alone talk about it.” He mumbled, fingers playing absentmindedly with his sleeve.
“That's understandable,” Karkat muttered, closing his eyes and settling into Dave’s shoulder a bit more. Dave was warm against his side, and his frame was light, almost delicate. Deceptively so, given his present “God tier” status and power.
“You wouldn't mind staying a bit, would you?” Dave asked quietly, pulling back from the other with a touch of hesitation. He didn't want to be alone with his thoughts, as embarrassing as it felt to ask, he wanted to take the opportunity to get away from himself.
Thinking about it now, it was honestly hilarious; to see how he and Karkat used to loathe each other for no apparent reason, until they realized how much they had in common. Rivals, then frenemies, best buds, now what? Whatever they were, it was the first time a dynamic had ever made Dave feel so… comfortable?
Karkat looked Dave in the eye. “Of course not,” he scoffed, giving Dave a slight smile. “Leave you alone thinking like this? You'd never sleep again, and who knows what would happen if that was the case.”
Hesitantly, he pulled Dave back into a cautious but tender embrace. Then Karkat slowly started to trace light circles on his back without even thinking about it, a soothing instinct. He just so badly wanted to ease Dave’s anxiety in any way possible.
Dave’s eyes widened slightly behind his shades as Karkat pulled him back in, deciding to just relax and wrap his arms around the other in kind, enjoying the source of warmth. In Karkat’s chest, a soft purr rumbled. Cute.
Dave loved that sound. Trolls may be weird and violent, but they're somehow kind of adorable in these unexpected ways. An odd mix of features a human like himself would perceive as insect and/or feline adjacent. The large predatory slit-pupil eyes for seeing in the dark, the purring, chirping, and buzzing sounds, the claws, the teeth, the emotive ears.
Fascinating beings, he couldn't lie. It made this bond he was developing with Karkat all the more surreal.
Normally in a situation like this where he's being gently swaddled by another guy, Dave would drop some line about this being gay to deflect from the relief it made him feel. Any other time he would recoil from such sincere and gentle contact, but instead he silently allowed himself to be comforted.
He felt his heart leap, and a knot burned in his throat. He felt as if one wrong move could make him start crying.
The child, the neglected crying baby inside him, always yearned for affection that was never there. He never really got to have that, in any form. It shocked him now, how badly he craved touch as a result of this emotional starvation. He'd been socially and physiologically emaciated for the majority of his life, and now even a comforting embrace made him feel fragile, like he could shatter under the pressure.
But somehow, nerves and all, it was almost addictive.
Karkat is actually the most calming person when he wants to be, which was initially surprising considering his shouty outer shell. However, that troll is a living contradiction. Stern yet sweet, crass but empathetic, snarky and caring.
Dave found it funny how much their relationship had changed, but back then he didn't know him so well. Knowing Karkat taught Dave one great fact of life: to know Karkat is to love him, regardless of how mean and rude he seems at first. He’s a huge softie when you get to know him and understand his intentions behind that aggressive mask.
Dave sighed a deep, slow breath of relief, laying his head on Karkat's shoulder. They sat idle, resting in comfortable silence.
Karkat let himself smile softly. Honestly, it was a bit surreal to him; as he sat there, enveloping Dave, pondering what they had become. He wanted to slap his past self for all the bickering and heckling he'd thrown at Dave for so long.
He wasn't sure what they were supposed to “be”, but the more time they spent together, the less he cared about the labels. Somehow, this goofy, loquacious bastard had distanced Karkat from his obsessive fixation on neat, perfectly tidy quadrants. Not that he'd admit that aloud unprompted.
Getting to know Dave had an incredible impact on Karkat, if he was being honest with himself; there was a lot more to learn about him beneath his “cool kid” facade. He liked being able to get to know the real Dave, not just the persona hiding pain behind a smug smirk and long winded jokes.
He liked learning to understand and appreciate humans more in general, as well. As strange and bizarre as humans are (both culturally and anatomically), they are quite mesmerizing. Especially if they have a particularly striking appearance like Dave.
Dave found his mind wandering as they sat in unspoken comfort. This often happened when he was in situations with Karkat that could be interpreted as more than “friendly” behavior. His brain would conjure images and scenarios that Dave would be embarrassed to admit to, not in a creepy sexual sense, but in a sappy and cliche sense.
He guessed Karkat's sentimentality had rubbed off on him.
Dave wanted to be more than what they were, but how the fuck does one even start with confessing something like that to their best bro? He couldn't do it with John before, and it was still scary, even if he knew Karkat is completely indifferent to the concept of gender and sexual dimorphism.
He was always afraid of rejection nonetheless, even if it was slightly irrational given the long list of evidence related to Karkat having some… “interest” in him.
“Karkat?” Dave mumbled quietly, mind still reeling through these thoughts.
Karkat was slightly startled out of his introspection by Dave’s voice. “Yeah?”
“Don't let this freak you out, okay? Just hear me out.” Dave continued cryptically.
Karkat leaned back a bit to look Dave in the face, eyebrow raised a bit. “Huh?”
“No seriously, I've been thinking a lot, but the more I think about it the more confused I get. What even are we, dude? Because I'll be honest, by human standards this doesn't seem very platonic.” He spoke so quietly, his voice distinctly different from his usual tone and pitch. He shuffled slightly and swallowed nervously, hoping he wouldn't regret asking.
The elephant in the room.
Karkat was taken aback a bit by his question. He stammered, red blooms immediately dusting his cheeks and ears.
“Well, I mean, I don't know.” Karkat seemed hesitant, yet hopeful. Guarded, but intrigued.
“This is all new, it isn't really fitting into any of the categories I'm familiar with. What...what do you think we are?” He replied.
Sure, he had questioned if he had feelings of the pale variety for Dave, but that didn't seem to fit quite right by itself for some reason. There was something else, something stronger. More than just closeness and trust.
There were interspersed blips of black, red, and pale attraction. Rivalry, flirtation, fondness. A delicate interplay of behavioral patterns from all of the primary quadrants.
The chemistry they had developed eventually brought out every part of him. Like there was no facet of his personality that he couldn't share with Dave.
Once upon a time he'd have thought it heresy, to blur the lines so strongly.
Maybe it was just a human thing to be so chaotic, disorderly, and confusing to the nature of someone raised in Alternian culture. Yet so unnecessarily fucking attractive, for all his weirdness.
Despite how confusing it all was, Dave often made Karkat feel emotions he could hardly even put to words when he thought about it all for too long.
If he kept it up, steam might start shooting from his ears.
Dave cleared his throat, his own freckled cheeks growing a bit flush.
“From what I know of quadrants it seems like we could interchangeably be literally any of them. Minus making out and shit, which is why I felt lost. Is that a thing trolls do? Is it possible to be in more than one with the same person?” He asked, sincere yet clearly nervous.
He initially thought it was all bullshit, quadrants and categories; but he was learning to be… culturally sensitive. I mean it's still a little bit bullshit, he thought, but he was starting to fathom why they use that system for relationships. It gave him context and fresh words to communicate with, so it would surely only help in navigating this issue.
His face was starting to feel very hot, making him feel grateful that the light was low.
He was deeply confused about all of this. It was just so different. Sure, he liked Jade and John and Terezi once upon a time but never anything like this. He bit his lip anxiously as Karkat seemed to think this over.
“Well…” Karkat started, clearing his throat. “Yeah, it's a thing trolls do. Some even try to fill all their quadrants with the same person. It's not common or the accepted norm, but you aren't a troll so I guess I don't know what’s going to happen here.” He sighed, reaching a hand up to rub his neck.
“I was asking because…fuck, this is awkward-” Dave took a deep breath “I think- no, that's bullshit I won't lie. I know I have some feelings beyond friendship for you. I'm still confronting my issues with my sexuality so this just complicates it for me but I don't know.” He sighed.
“I've had crushes, but this isn't the same. It's more intense, and I sort of uncontrollably think about it a lot, about you. And I wanted to ask you upfront how you would feel about trying something like that, being in multiple quadrants or whatever?” He was turning redder by the second, resisting the urge to hide his face in the crook of Karkat's neck as he rambled.
Karkat blushed deeply, avoiding looking in Dave’s direction as he processed the words he said. Dave thinks about him? A lot? He wants to be in an officially stated relationship?
Karkat took a deep breath, trying not to let every thought he had been having tumble out of his mouth at once. “I think about it a lot too. Fuck, you're right this is extremely fucking awkward. We can definitely…try? I've asked myself a lot lately what I think about this weird dynamic we have, and I can't figure it out.”
He grimaced instantly as he said that. “I mean, I wasn't sure, you know? I haven't felt much like this before, but I know I really like how I feel when I'm around you.” Karkat was practically glowing red now, feeling incredibly awkward as he stumbled over his words. He glanced up at Dave as his sentence trailed off.
Dave locked eyes with him for a moment, his expression stunned, yet soft. “Oh...I don't know why but I didn't expect to hear that.” He fidgeted with his hands for a moment, biting his lip nervously.
“Well fuck I didn't expect to be asked any of this. I mean, I didn't expect to say that, either. I didn't expect any part of what is happening right now.” Karkat spluttered, floundering with nerves.
Why was he still talking? Words were just spilling out of his mouth and they sounded really stupid, making him want to slap himself. He eyed Dave, who was still extremely close, to try and judge the response he would get.
He glanced down at Karkat's lips before quickly looking away. “Wow.”
Karkat hesitated. “Wow?” he asked.
“I'm just processing. So are we like…boyfriends or uh, matesprits or whatever now?” He asked quietly, glancing over at him again out of the corner of his shades.
The vibrant red of his eyes made Karkat feel something flutter in his chest cavity. He never expected to find that color he used to resent so appealing.
Karkat’s mouth seemed to go dry, and he could feel his pulse beating a nervous rhythm. “I guess? Right? That's what we basically just agreed to, yeah?” He clarified, appearing to be in minor shock.
Dave smiled, uncharacteristically shy for himself. “I've honestly been wanting to talk about it for a while but, y’know. It's embarrassing; terrifying, even. Especially for someone as emotionally constipated as I am.”
Karkat stared at Dave’s smile, his heart giving a small flutter. “I'm glad we talked then. Even if it was embarrassing and awkward?” Karkat snorted. “So. Who would have thought?”
“TZ and Vriska apparently. I'm pretty sure they knew it before we did. Rose and Kanaya too, honestly. Why didn't this happen sooner?” He laughed quietly. “Everyone on the damn meteor seems to have seen it before we admitted it.”
Karkat chuckled. “Yeah, I guess so.” He glanced at Dave.
“So, are you feeling better?” He asked, shifting his position slightly. They were already pretty close, but he may or may not have shuffled a bit closer.
Dave smiled more openly, his dimples peeking out. “Much better. How could I not be? I just gained an adorable alien boyfriend. Sweet.”
Karkat rolled his eyes and smiled at Dave. “Someone adjusted quickly. Dork.” He snickered.
Dave giggled a bit under his breath, smirking as the exchange set in as fact. Karkat. His boyfriend, Karkat. “You know, I'm more of a dork around you than anyone.”
Karkat relaxed, leaning into Dave more heavily as he continued to blush wildly. “I don't know, is that true?”
Dave shrugged, then continued matter-of-factly. “Well, technically the mayor too but he can't tell anyone how silly I'm being. You don't see me playing ring around the rosie and hopscotch with TZ or Rose.”
He chuckled in wistful amusement, then nudged Karkat in the side. “It's a show of trust when a guy like me is openly a goofball around you, is what I'm trying to say. I feel safe- with you.”
Karkat smiled at that. The conversation drifted off, Karkat content to just sit there and appreciate Dave’s company. His thoughts were slightly scattered. He thought about the human he was snuggled up with, about how said human might be feeling now, pondering the comfortable silence between them.
As they sat in silence and Dave was left to his thoughts; he glanced at Karkat’s hand, fighting the urge to smother him in affection now that they had cleared the air. He settled for reaching over and taking his hand, twining their fingers together.
Karkat glanced over at Dave, feeling his face heat up immensely. Without hesitation he closed his hand around Dave's, squeezing it firmly. The corners of his mouth turned up slightly as he closed his eyes, resting against his shoulders.
Dave woke up the next day, not quite remembering when they had fallen asleep, but happy nonetheless, because he woke up to Karkat cuddling against his side. He smiled and laid still, not wanting to disturb him.
Eventually Karkat sighed heavily in his sleep, shifting slightly before opening his eyes. He found himself snuggled against Dave, as close as possible. He flushed, glancing up at Dave.
Dave smirked smugly down at him. “Well good morning sleeping beauty,” He joked, aware of how cliche that was.
Karkat rolled his eyes and sat up, stretching out his neck to work out the slight discomfort from falling asleep in an odd position. “Good morning to you too. Glad you slept well, fucker. Were you just watching me sleep?” Karkat teased, side-eyeing him with a barely masked playful expression.
“What? I didn't want to disturb you. You rarely look so calm. And it's cute when you get clingy in your sleep.” He nudged Karkat gently, a fond smile gracing his expression. Karkat huffed, half-pouting as he crossed his arms and looked away.
“I don't get clingy in my sleep.” He mumbled defensively.
Dave snorted quietly “Someone's in denial.” He poked his arm, smirking.
“C’mon, we should get up and make our usual trip to notify the others that we’re still alive and didn't die a horrible romcom fueled boredom death.”
Karkat snorted, grinning toothily. “Yeah I guess. Wouldn't want them to be oh-so worried for us, now would we?” He gave a knowing look.
“Yeah, I mean they are all very concerned with our personal affairs lately. Dare I say they ship us.” Dave laughed and stood up, offering a hand to Karkat.
Karkat smirked and rolled his eyes as he took the offered hand and rose to stand, clearly amused. “Well of course they’re weirdly obsessed with us. It's the only source of entertainment they have. Losers.”
They both snickered quietly at the banter, making their way out into the hall. As they walked, they kept their hands linked, resolved in their acceptance of the nature of their relationship. Incoming jokes and friendly jabs from their cohabitants be damned.
At that moment, Dave felt something somewhat unfamiliar, yet so warm. Affection? Pride?
Both?
Yeah. Both.