Chapter Text
Buck woke up to the smell of bacon and the sound of grease sizzling in a pan. At first, his sleep-addled mind thought he was at Eddie’s, but then he remembered that they were no longer close enough for that. That he hadn’t slept over at Eddie’s in ages. It must’ve been Luke. That was sweet of him. He’d never had breakfast made for him. Other than Eddie. But that was different. Not in the romantic, intimate sense he yearned for. Buck yawned and rubbed at his eyes before pushing the covers off and heading downstairs.
“Morning.” Luke murmured, not even looking up from the stove top where he was currently making some bacon. “I have a meeting this morning, so sadly I won’t be able to stay long. Wanted to leave you with a little something though before I had to go.”
“Thank you. No one’s ever really done this stuff for me before.”
“Well I’m glad I get to show you what a real boyfriend is, then.”
“Me too.” Buck pressed a kiss to his lips.
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At his next shift, it seemed things had changed. Maybe it was the reveal that he had a boyfriend and didn’t think to tell anyone. Maybe it was because he was back to being on calls with everyone all the time. Whatever it was, he felt a bit more welcome. Sure, Bobby still didn’t cook with him or clap him on the back after a good call, and Eddie wasn’t exactly asking him to come over after shift, but he wasn’t glared at if he sat down at the table, and Hen and Chimney joked with him.
Things were still stilted, but they were looking up. He started getting invited to drinks after shifts sometimes. Still nothing major, but it was an improvement from the radio silence from before.
“So, Buck, what’s this Luke like?” Hen asked one night at the bar. She looked at him expectantly and so did Chim, Bobby, and Eddie.
“He’s really sweet. Funny too.”
“Is he easy on the eyes?”
“Well it's not exactly a hardship to look at him. He has really pretty brown eyes.”
“How long have you guys been together?” Bobby asked.
“We’ve been talking for a little under 3 months. Hasn’t been official until about a month ago, though.”
“And he makes you happy?” Eddie asked suddenly. He’d been quiet for most of the conversation.
“Yeah. Yeah he really does.” Buck smiled at the thought of him.
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Lately, Buck and Luke had been spending less and less time together. First it was Buck’s shifts and Luke’s meetings; always happening when the other was free. Now with sometimes meeting up with the 118 once a week for drinks after shift, they hadn’t seen each other in days. To be honest, Buck hadn’t really noticed. He was so caught up with getting his family back he didn’t even realize he hadn’t seen his wonderful boyfriend in days. So he invited Luke over. Buck thought it’d be nice for them to just relax. Have some pizza, a few beers, maybe watch a movie.
“So I was thinking… Maybe we could go out to dinner Friday night? I saw this new sushi place opened up downtown.”
“I’m really sorry, the team’s having a cook-out on Friday at Chimney’s.”
Luke sighs. “You’re always out with them now. We’re barely together anymore.”
“We’re together right now, and you know this is important to me. I really screwed up and now I’m finally gaining their trust back.”
“You’re never around anymore! For all I know you could be sleeping around or doing God knows what!”
“I can’t believe you! Do you seriously think that?”
“I don’t know what I think anymore. All I know is you slept around a lot before we were together and all you talk about is your friend, Eddie.” Luke’s voice raised in volume and he was getting increasingly angrier.
How could he say that? Buck had never been anything but faithful. Sure he had a habit of getting around a lot, but he would never do that to Luke. Did he really think so low of Buck?
“I’m not-”
Smack.
Buck’s head snapped to the side and his hand flew to his cheek, cradling his cheek as it warmed up. Tears welled up in his eyes and gathered on his lashes and his lip began to tremble.
“Oh, baby, I told you, you need to calm down and stop being so sensitive about these things. Look what you made me do. I didn’t want to hit you, but someone’s gotta teach you how it is in the real world. Sometimes we just need to accept things how they are and man up a bit. It’s for your own good. Hmm? Don’t cry, baby, I didn’t even hit you that hard. How could I? You’re a big, strong firefighter. C’mere, no need to cry. You just gotta learn how to take some jokes and criticism. You’re fine.”
Luke cradled his face so softly, it was hard to believe that those hands were the same ones that just hurt him. Buck swallowed and nodded up at him. He’s known that he was a lot for a while, Luke was just helping him become better. It wasn’t a big deal. Buck knew how to fight back. He was probably stronger than Luke. So it wasn’t abuse. If he was stronger and if it was to help him, there’s no way it could be abuse. Luke was so nice and kind to him, too, there’s no way he could be abusive.
Besides who would he tell? Where would he go? Things were only just tentatively getting better with the 118. He was just starting to reintegrate with them. If he came to them with this, whining about his problems again, it would ruin all progress, show them he was still the same useless Buck who couldn’t deal with his problems on his own. Plus it would make everything awkward. They would see him as weak. Not capable. They wouldn’t understand that he wasn’t being abused. They’d make it out to be a big deal.
Even worse, Buck secretly wanted them to care. To be taken care of. And if he told them and they brushed it off or ignored it, he knew that would break his heart and hurt him far more than Luke ever could.
With all of that in mind, Buck decided it would be best not to tell anyone. Luke was all he had right now. If that meant having to take a couple hits, he could live with that. Buck had gone through far worse. Hell, he’d been crushed by a ladder truck. He could take this.
Luke walked back into the room. Buck hadn’t even noticed he’d left; he’d been too lost in thought. He was carrying some more beers, a pack of ice, and he was smiling. Like nothing had happened. If Buck’s cheek wasn’t currently throbbing, he’d’ve thought nothing had happened.
“I’m sorry, baby. I really didn’t want to do that. Nor do I want to do that again. Here’s some ice. Don’t want it to bruise. People might see it and get the wrong idea.”
“What’s the right idea?” Buck rasped.
“You think I did it to hurt you? That I’m that kind of person?”
“…no. No, of course not, I know it was only for my own good.”
“Good. You want to join me in bed, baby?” Buck knew what that meant. He wasn’t really up for sex after what had just happened, but he also feared what might happen if he said no.
“Yeah, yeah ‘course.” If Luke was maybe a bit rougher that night, if the marks he left felt like they were more to hurt than anything in the moment or sexual, Buck ignored it. Buck stayed awake long after Luke fell asleep. He hoped it wouldn’t bruise. He had no idea how he’d be able to play that off at his shift tomorrow. If someone cared enough to notice.
The next morning he woke up with a red mark across his cheek. It was just dark enough to be noticeable, and caused him to wince when he poked at it. Luke was already gone, he usually didn’t stay much in the morning after staying the night. Buck rummaged through his bathroom drawer and found what he was looking for. Concealer. He managed to cover the mark up, though not without some difficulty – it had taken him two youtube videos and a wikihow article to achieve it.
Now all he could do is hope it lasted and try to make it through this shift. He had a double shift that day, so if he could just push through these 48 hours, he’d have four days for it to go away. He forced down some breakfast, despite it tasting like chalk. He climbed into his car and drove to the station.
When he rolled into the parking lot, he took a few minutes and just sat there. He breathed in deeply, opened the door, and walked inside.