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k: Hey Luc where are you actually based?
luc: What?
k: You talk mostly about Ilya but you’re neither a Boston or an Ottawa fan, so…
luc: I like you K but this is weird. Why do you want to know where I am?
k: Because I’m serious about finding you a guy. I’m pretty active on Reddit and I know a bunch of gay hollanov fans all over
luc: You seriously want to match-make? After you’ve seen my dating life train wreck?
k: I have a good track record. I introduced my high school best friend to her now husband and my college roomie just got engaged to the woman I introduced him to.
luc: … fine. I went to college in Boston where I became an Ilya fan for reasons (hotness reasons in case that wasn’t clear), but I’m back in Chicago now where I’m originally from.
k: College in Boston. Does that mean in Boston proper?
luc: … technically it was Cambridge.
k: Wow. Okay, so you’re a smart cookie
k: Or have rich parents
luc: I was always good in school. My dumpster fire of a personal life kinda makes me doubt I’m a smart cookie lol
k: Okay, Harvard boy. So Chicago based. What are you looking for in a guy?
luc: I mean, hockey is a plus but not a must. I like a guy who can make me laugh. And I like someone I can be homey with. I like to go out occasionally, but I’m not a big party guy. Give me a pub and a beer over a rave any day. I’m a cat person but a dog wouldn’t be a deal breaker. Family is important to me, so he’d have to be down for Sunday dinner.
k: That sounds doable. Do you have a type physically?
luc: I mean, I think Ilya Rozanov is one of the hottest guys in the world, so…
k: lol I get that but aim lower
luc: 😂
k: But maybe someone tall and athletic?
luc: Yeah, but I don’t mind if he’s a little soft around the edges. Like a six pack is nice to look at but not that snuggly.
k: Strong and snuggly, funny, animal lover, and family guy, got it.
luc: Not gonna lie, I appreciate it, but I haven’t had a lot of luck, and I’ve tried several dating apps.
k: Which is why we’re not trying a dating apps. So, anything I can tell prospective dates about you besides that you’re a hockey fan with an Ivy League degree?
luc: Well, I’m not the most athletic guy in the world but I go to the gym and I like to hike when it’s warm enough. I’m 26, I’m okay, looks-wise, 5’9’’, brown hair. It’s mostly annoying because it’s kinda floofy. Oh, and I have glasses.
k: Oh, so I’m getting hot nerd vibes here.
luc: Hah! Not so sure on the hot part, but clearly I get some dates. Even when they’re bad...
k: Right, hence the need to fix that. Any other preferences I should know about? You don’t have to tell me obviously.
luc: Lol. Well I’m a vers bottom, so unless you hook me up with a whiny bottom, I’m good.
k: Okay, I can work with this!
Two days later
k: 312 - xxx - xxx
luc: ???
k: His name is Aron, he’s 28, he works at a bank. He doesn’t play but he loves hockey, became a Hollanov fan for gay reasons over the summer, but he also supports Columbus because he went to OSU. Moved to Chicago two years ago for work and is looking for a serious relationship.
luc: Oh wow, you really didn’t waste any time.
k: Told you.
luc: Alright, will text him now.
One day later
luc: So how well do you know this guy, K?
k: We chat on Reddit, why?
luc: He’s very particular about food. Finding a restaurant to go to is not easy.
k: I remember he went on an anti mushroom rant once but I thought that was a joke.
luc: idk. We’ll see how it goes. Can’t be worse than any of my other sad dating attempts this year lol