Chapter Text
A loud bang on my door awakens me at one o'clock in the morning. I barely have time to sit up and orient myself in the waking world before the door swings open and my commander steps in. I stand up and freeze in my perfect soldier position, my back straight and rigid, my naked legs spread and my arms locked over the arch of my back. His form is merely a dark silhouette of a man wielding power at his will. There is no mistaking him for another.
'Get dressed,' he orders with urgency that demands immediate action. So I do...
I grab my neatly folded clothes from the corner of the bed and pull them on in haste. I knew in the moment I broke Rumlow's wrist that it would come back to bite me... So this must be it... Anxiety and suspicion war within me, but I remain silent, waiting for the details of this unexpected visit at such a late hour. Sweat slowly breaks through my pores and my heart races; yet, I hope deeply that no one is noticing my reaction.
As I pull the belt and secure it in place, I turn to my commander. He still stands in the same spot, watchful as always, his thoughts unreadable to me. However, I can see his strict, scrunched features a little more clearly now that I am fully awake.
'I have a mission for you.' He speaks again after glancing in both directions to make sure no one is around to hear him. When those cold eyes return to me, I feel them slice right into me. His gaze is loaded with intensity.
'Nora,' he says and pauses.
I stiffen in my spot. Did something happen to her?
Yet after a moment my commander continues, 'You will watch over her. From a distance. She must never know you're there.' His words are more than just an order. It is a warning, too, hidden beneath that iciness of his tone.
'Repeat it,' he adds, confirming my unspoken suspicions.
'My mission is Doctor Nora Ward,' my own voice is robotic, devoid of emotions. Surprisingly, as on the inside, I feel like an excited puppy being readied to go for a walk. 'I am to watch her. From a distance. She must never know I'm there.'
Pierce watches me for a moment, scrutinising every muscle on my face, every glint in my eyes. It is getting harder each time to pretend that I am vacant inside, but it's the only path I have in front of me. Losing my memories again... forgetting Nora seems like the worst punishment of all...
Yet I watch him too. Not directly, but from the corner of my eye. I search for any signs of danger... or a test that he is plotting. But all I can see is only the cold certainty that this mission is crucial, and failure is not an option.
Once he is satisfied, my commander turns and leaves. Without a moment of hesitation, I march into the dimly lit corridor, my mind already mapping the perimeter of Nora's life: the house she's in, where would I hide... I will be her unseen guardian, a phantom watching over every step she takes. She must never sense my eyes on her... never feel the shadow that follows...
That is the most difficult part, though, as all I want is her closeness... I crave to feel her tender touch and to witness that warm smile of hers... However, for now I will have to be content with only watching her from far away...
The cold air of the early morning seeps through the cracks of the base walls as I gather my gear: binoculars, a knife, a gun... Every movement I make is calculated and rehearsed so many times. But this time, excitement flutters in my chest at the thought of seeing Nora again, although it's tempered by a sense of caution. The mission demands invisibility, and I am not allowed to fail.
Slipping into my leather jacket, I check the small arsenal strapped to my belt, each piece meticulously maintained, as the slightest mistake would not be forgivable.
Outside the base, the motorbike waits. I swing my leg over the seat and with a firm squeeze of my gloved hand, the engine rumbles to life in the quiet dawn. I make it roar as I speed away with eagerness to see the woman who had undone me in the most unexpected ways. The road winds upwards and downwards, twisting through a narrow mountain pass where the chill bites harder.
As the trees thicken, the scent of pine and damp earth fills the air. The path narrows as I near the location. I slow down. The clearing where Nora's hut stands is close now. After parking the bike out of sight in the shrubs and disguising it with broken branches, I take a moment to steady my breath. The thrill of being close to her is overpowering. It makes my knees shake and my stomach fills with this almost tickling sensation.
But Pierce has sent me here for a reason, I remind myself. He wouldn't have if there were no cause for it. So I have to stay vigilant, with my senses alert at all times. And no distractions. I would never forgive myself if something happened to Nora because of my negligence.
My feet step forward onto the moss-covered, damp ground. Heavy boots sink into the soft soil for half a mile until I see it – the modest hut, weathered by fleeting years, nestled beside the glassy surface of the lake. The water mirrors the pale morning light. The silence around the hut almost feels sacred. I see a window opened on the upper floor. No light on. Not even the softest sound comes from within. The stillness of the hut suggests Nora is likely asleep. It's only four in the morning. What else could she be doing? Yet I do not take any risks.
I move slowly; every step is careful to avoid snapping twigs. The nature seems to hold its breath alongside me, as if aware of the fragile balance between hunter and hunted. But I am neither here to hunt nor do harm. I am only here to protect the woman whom I might be in love with...
Yes... I said it... The definition fits everything I am feeling for her... The constant yearning, the excitment... the torment I feel every moment I am away from her... I cannot be sure yet of this, but it makes sense in my head. Why else would I be so desperate to be near her?
Circling the hut cautiously, I take in every detail – the worn steps leading to the door, every crack in the slowly rotting planks, and the stack of firewood neatly arranged against the side. My human fingers brush over the rough bark of a nearby tree as I scan the perimeter. The forest serves as a natural barrier that offers both protection and concealment. I could not have asked for an easier location to fulfil my purpose. So I move silently, checking for any signs of recent disturbance... footprints, broken branches, anything that might hint at an intruder. So far, the area remains clear, but I cannot afford to succumb to a false sense of safety.
To ensure I won't fail, I begin setting up discreet traps around the woods, using thin wires and miniature sound boxes that emit high-frequency noise undetectable to humans but easily heard by dogs and, well... me. I hide them. The brown, earthy plastic blends perfectly among the dead leaves and branches. Any unexpected movement will trigger a sound, alerting me instantly.
As I finish, I take a final sweep of the area and double-check the efficiency of my work. This mission is more than surveillance. It is a promise to protect Nora – to shield her from dangers she cannot see.
By the time I return and choose a safe spot behind the shrubs, I hear movement coming from the hut. It's seven a.m., and Nora is rising to face another day. The hiss of water on the upper floor is an unmistakable sign of life.
I shift myself and through the partially open window, I catch glimpses of Nora moving about. In that moment, my heart thuds a little stronger, sending warmth through me. The soft creak of wooden floorboards accompanies the gentle rustle of fabric as she dresses herself inside her bedroom. From the slowed and unrushed sounds I can tell that she is not planning on going anywhere.
Just minutes later her form appears downstairs. She opens a window overlooking the lake, and without hesitation I move again to have a better look at her routine. I see Doctor Ward open a cupboard, retrieving a metal kettle and filling it with water from a nearby basin. The faint clink of ceramic cups follows, along with the gentle crackle of the stove igniting. It's a simple ritual of making tea, so common among humans, but seeing Nora perform it from a distance fills me with sadness. I've never done that before... Instead, I wake up and go count the bullets... I dismantle and clean guns, train, fight with other agents, and kill when ordered. But I never make tea... or make breakfast. Just like Nora is doing now.
I watch her fuss inside the fridge while she gathers some ingredients. And within a couple of moments she has a bowl in her hands and whisks something with a spoon. The scent of vanilla wafts towards me the moment a faint sizzle drifts through the open window. She's making pancakes... My mouth waters immediately. The ones we get in the base taste like wet flour. I bet hers tastes like heaven.
A gentle hum reaches my ears. Such a soft and soothing melody, just like gentle, refreshing rain on a hot summer day. There's this irresistible calmness around her, which infects me with peace just by watching her.
Once the golden pancakes are stacked neatly on a plate, she carries them outside to the little pontoon reaching out into the calm water. She sits down at the edge, her feet swinging just above the glassy surface. The morning light dances on the water, casting shimmering reflections that surround her in a gentle glow.
I observe Doctor Ward from my concealed position as she eats, with this ache in my chest. The distance between us feels unbearable, yet I know I must remain hidden. My boots shift slightly forward on the forest floor as I try to get just an inch closer to her, and a sudden crack of a broken branch shatters the silence. Nora's head snaps up, eyes scanning the trees. And I duck lower. Panic floods my veins. For a moment, our gazes almost meet, although she sees nothing but still bushes. A flicker of unease passes over her face, and without a moment's hesitation, she rises and walks back toward the hut. I swallow the lump in my throat and press myself deeper into the shadows, reminding myself that this is the only way to keep her safe – at least for now.
The hours stretch on and Nora remains within the walls of her modest hut. Through the thin walls, I catch the occasional creak of floorboards or the muted scrape of a chair that serves me as a reminder that she is there, safe... but unaware of my ghostly presence. I rise every hour and make my rounds checking the traps and return to my spot like a loyal shadow.
Before I know it, the sun is dipping behind the tall, pointy treetops, creating long shadows that cover the lake and bringing the darkness from the west. The lights flicker on inside the hut and Nora begins her evening rituals. And when the daylight completely fades, disguised by the darkness, I dare to leave the protection of the treeline. I sneak closer to the hut and plaster myself against the uneven wooden walls. My breath slows, careful not to disturb the stillness, but inside, my heart pounds with a mix of longing and restraint. The distance between us has shrunk, yet the invisible barrier of my mission remains like a solid, impenetrable wall. I am sent here to protect, not to intrude... To watch, but not to touch...
Through the window, I catch a glimpse of her face illuminated by the flickering light of the television. Her eyes seem tired, yet at peace. The sight stirs a protective instinct deep within me. I'd do anything to keep her safe... I would even take down Hydra if they dared to hurt her... The thought scares me at first, but the determination to protect her burns the brightest.
Once Doctor Ward rises and goes upstairs to bed, I retreat back to the darkness of the forest, do the rounds one last time, and find myself a comfortable little soft patch to catch an hour's sleep before I am due to check the perimeter again.
Three days pass like a blur. Nora stays mostly inside, occasionally popping out to hang her laundry on the line or collect when it's dried. She has her breakfast by the lake and tea every morning like a religious rite. And every evening, she cosies up on the couch to watch TV. I had been a silent fly on the wall all this time, driven by my sense of duty to protect her and plagued by desires to be a part of this simple life by her side.
Another evening settles over the lake and I find myself in the usual spot near the hut, moulded into the wooden walls as Nora moves through her evening routine. The soft glow from the windows spills out, casting gentle patterns on the ground, and I watch through the corner of her window as she settles onto the couch, exhaustion finally catching up with her.
Her eyes grow heavy, and before my eyes, she drifts to sleep. The steady rise and fall of her chest is a quiet rhythm that soothes the turmoil inside me. For a moment, the world narrows to just this peaceful moment. Compelled by a tenderness of the moment and the pull I can no longer resist, I step silently through the unlocked door, careful to avoid any creaks of the wooden floor. The air inside is warm and carries the faint scent of ember and woodsmoke. I approach the couch with cautious steps, my gaze never leaving her sleeping form. Very slowly, I pull a soft blanket from a nearby chair and drape it over Nora. I hesitate for a brief second before leaning down and tucking it around her shoulders with the utmost care not to wake her. The warmth of her body feels so inviting... yet forbidden at the same time.
For a fleeting second, I allow myself to imagine a different life. One where I lie beside her with my arms locked around her fragile form... where her own hands are wrapped around me and we both sleep soundly, engulfed in each other's warmth... where two separate heartbeats beat in synced rhythm... But reality snaps me back in an instant as all of a sudden I hear a high-pitched noise pierce through the stillness of the night.
My body tenses immediately. I move swiftly, my boots barely making a sound as I slip away from the hut and into the dense woods. The familiar weight of my rifle steadies my hands; my eyes scan intently every shadow and every rustle of leaves as I follow the sound of the alarm. It leads me to a tangle of underbrush where a thin wire has been disturbed. Kneeling down, I examine the ground carefully. The earth reveals a set of tracks. Something small... and padded. an unmistakably animal. A fox has brushed against the trap, setting it off. Relief washes over me, but I know better than just trust what eyes can see. So with senses heightened, I step through the woods to check the perimeter just to be sure.
Once I settle back onto my patch of damp grass to catch a moment of rest, I promise myself not to take such risks again. Going inside was careless... What if Nora has awakened? What if I put that blanket on and raised suspicions in her head? Doctor Ward is not stupid... My actions tonight were reckless, and I should not repeat such a mistake again. However, that is easier said than done...
The next night I find myself inside the hut again. This time I creep up the stairs just past midnight and peek through the open door inside Nora's bedroom.
The room is bathed in the soft silver light bursting through the light curtains. It falls gently across Nora's beautiful face. Her breathing is slow and even. I watch her for a long moment, enveloped in this strange peace, as if it were emanating from her and pulling me in like a powerful magnet.
Despite every warning drilled into me, the pull of her presence is not something I can fight against. Thoughts begin to whirl in my head. Questions form, and my inner self slowly whispers to cross more boundaries... to break the rules that have not been broken before... I can't stop wondering what it would feel like to simply lie beside her... to share the warmth of her bed throughout the night... to feel the steady rhythm of her heartbeat against my own... The thoughts are both soothing and tormenting, stirring a longing in me that is growing too powerful for me to ignore.
'Go on then.' That inner voice encourages me. She's right here... Just don't wake her... And she'll never know...'
The next thing I know, I step closer to the bed. The floor creaks faintly beneath my boots, and I pause, breath held tight within my lungs. She doesn't move... Nor does she react in any way. Slowly, I remove my jacket and lay it aside on a chair in the corner. Then I slide into the bed with very slow yet extremely cautious movements. The mattress dips slightly beneath my weight, but Nora remains unmoved, her eyes still closed in serene slumber. There's still distance between us, which I dare not to cross. For now, just lying by Nora's side is enough... The night wraps around us. Though I know this cannot last... I cling to the warmth of her presence. To every ticking second of it. And for the briefest moment I allow myself to close my eyes and pretend that I am in a different universe... Where Nora knows that I am here with her... where she shifts closer to me and presses herself in search of comfort. And then we both fall asleep...
I know this is only a fantasy, and lingering in it for far too long is too dangerous. So reluctantly I flutter my eyes open, and the first thing that greets me is the soft, golden light streaming in through the opened window. For a moment, the warmth of the morning sun lulls me into a calm, but then reality crashes down like a tsunami. A sudden surge of panic grips me, tightening my chest like a wrench around a nut. I fell asleep... in Nora's bed! WITH HER BY MY SIDE!!! My eyes snap to the side, where she is supposed to be curled up and sleeping soundly, yet all I see is the wrinkled duvet and empty space... Only her faint scent still lingers in the air like a ghost. Panick turns to sheer terror... How long have I been here? Did she wake and find me? Of course she did, you stupid!!!
My mind races, my heart pounds fiercely against my ribs as I scramble to piece together the fragments of the night. Every instinct screams that I have crossed a line... one that I was never meant to cross.
I shoot upwards. My breath catches as I glance toward the door, half-expecting it to open at any moment, revealing her... angry and demanding answers I cannot give.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I force myself to steady my nerves. I must leave before she comes here looking for me... before questions arise that I am not ready to face... Yet, the ache of leaving her side so abruptly gnaws at me. It's too late already... I fucked up beyond any means of fixing it...