Work Text:
r/Weed
u/PeerlessCucumber
Is there a way to un-gay after my friend played a “sissy hypno” video as a joke during a sesh? He thought it was funny but it actually made me gay.
I thought I was just having a weird time after watching it but I was still gay the next day when I sobered up. It’s been 11 days sober and I’m still fucking gay. I’m pissed as hell bc this friend KNOWS I get more suggestible when high (one time when we were three bowls deep he dared me to suck him off and I almost did it even though I’m straight) so I feel almost betrayed that he would do this. Does anyone have tips on how to counteract this and un-gay myself? Advice on how to deal with my asshole ‘friend’ is also welcome, since he’s also my roommate so this has made things understandably awkward.
Edit: STOP SAYING I’M GAY I’M NOT FUCKING GAY I’M STRAIGHT!!! Only reply if you have REAL advice on how to counteract this!
When it happened, Shen Yuan had only been about one bowl into the session. One bowl split between himself and Shang Qinghua, so more like half a bowl, really. Shang Qinghua had pulled up the stupid ‘sissy hypno’ video with giddy giggles about how funny it was and bro you gotta see this, and Shen Yuan had rolled his eyes and shoved his phone away. Eventually, though, he relented with only a few half-hearted jabs about how shitty Shang Qinghua’s sense of humor was.
He really didn’t think he was high enough for it to affect him.
Now, Shen Yuan was resisting the urge to chuck his phone at the wall after receiving yet another reply to his post saying that there was no way that video actually worked, and he was probably just gay. Useless! Why did he even bother making a post?
Sighing, he dropped his phone on the bed and ran his hands through his hair, tugging at the strands. Dumbfuck Shang Qinghua. Dumbfuck Shen Yuan for relenting with the arrogant thought that there was no way he was high enough for his suggestibility to kick in! Apparently half a bowl was all it took!
Ever since that night, Shen Yuan’s mind had been plagued with unwanted thoughts. Gay thoughts. At first, they were mainly ones about Luo Binghe—the only good part of the drivel that Shang Qinghua wrote—which were likely spurred on by all the posters and figurines in his room combined with the sheer amount of papapa in Airplane’s novel. Shen Yuan was half-tempted to temporarily stuff all his merch in the closet until this problem was fixed, if only in hopes of preventing some of those thoughts. But, well, he had spent a lot of time arranging his room how he liked.
Plus, it would only help so much, because Luo Binghe was unfortunately not the only subject of Shen Yuan’s unwanted gay thoughts. Somehow, for some reason, Shang Qinghua himself also wormed his way into Shen Yuan’s mind. His working theory was that it was because Shang Qinghua was the one who showed him that video, and because they watched it together. After all, Shen Yuan would certainly never choose to think about his friend-slash-roommate’s soft body or his curly hair or his lips—his lips! That was how Shen Yuan knew this was all bullshit, because no sane person would willingly think about Shang Qinghua’s constantly-bitten-up, likely-chapped lips! And yet, ever since that night, Shen Yuan kept finding himself fixated on them and wondering what they might feel like against his own.
Bullshit!!
The worst part was that he couldn’t even complain about this to the person who most deserved his ire, because Shang Qinghua would probably just react the same way all these idiots on Reddit were reacting! Even though Shang Qinghua himself knew about Shen Yuan’s suggestibility problem! After all, he was the one who bore witness to a very high Shen Yuan readily moving to undo his pants after being fake-dared to suck Shang Qinghua’s dick.
(At least Shang Qinghua had had the sense to put a stop to things and make a panicked escape that time. Neither of them have brought up that incident since then.)
Shen Yuan’s phone buzzed, and he paused his minor breakdown to check it, even though he knew it was probably just another bullshit reply to his post.
Surprisingly, it was actually a direct message.
Throwaway93328: hey bro, saw your post on r/Weed. i wouldve replied there but everyones being an asshole and i didnt wanna get dogpiled like you lmaoooo
Throwaway93328: anyway coincidentally enough this sort of thing actually happened to a buddy of mine so i know how to help
Shen Yuan’s eyebrows shot up, and then scrunched back down as he frowned. It was probably just some troll trying to spoon-feed him some more bullshit. It was even on a throwaway account! No well-meaning individual approached someone using a throwaway account.
Still…
PeerlessCucumber: Yeah? What’s your advice then?
Throwaway93328: ok i know this is gonna sound like im taking the piss but i SWEAR this helped my buddy. how those types of videos work is they create a sort of buildup of energy in your mind, right? in this case it built up gay energy in your mind
Throwaway93328: so, logically speaking, what you gotta do is EXPEND that energy to get rid of it, and then boom! no more gayness
Throwaway93328: catch my drift?
Shen Yuan stared at his phone, the familiar feeling of burning-hot rage against another online user building up in his body.
PeerlessCucumber: You cannot SERIOUSLY expect me to believe that the way to un-gay myself is to DO GAY SHIT
Throwaway93328: i know how it sounds!!!
Throwaway93328: i obv cant prove anything bc we’re strangers on the internet but i swear on all things i hold dear that this worked for my friend. he suffered for MONTHS before giving in and letting our other friend fuck him, and then he was cured! no more gay thoughts! hes actually happily married to a really nice woman now and we all joke about this story sometimes lolol
Throwaway93328: anyway follow my advice or dont, but i just thought you should know that this is a tried and true method
PeerlessCucumber: I’m blocking you now.
This time, Shen Yuan really did chuck his phone at the wall—though he missed and ended up hitting a Luo Binghe dakimakura, which was just as well since it meant nothing got damaged.
‘Tried-and-true method’ your mother! How gullible does this bastard think I am?!
Unfortunately, much like the gay thoughts, user Throwaway93328’s ‘advice’ stuck in Shen Yuan’s mind much more than he’d prefer. Especially every time he saw Shang Qinghua, which was regrettably often, since they were roommates. Worse, the ‘advice’ even started contributing to the gay thoughts—to the point where Shen Yuan started wondering if it would really be so bad to give it a try and see if it worked. It would be fine if it was Shang Qinghua, right? The two of them had already undergone all sorts of embarrassing situations together, and Shen Yuan’s gay thoughts had chosen him as a target anyway. Plus, Shang Qinghua should theoretically know what he was doing, since…
“You’re gay, right?” Shen Yuan asked one day, apropos of nothing.
Shang Qinghua jolted, the pot he’d been washing clattering into the sink as he lost his grip on it. “Fuck, bro, don’t sneak up on a guy like that!” He yelped, whirling around to brandish a soapy dish sponge at Shen Yuan. It was especially unintimidating when combined with the pink dish gloves he was wearing that extended all the way up to his elbows, where the sleeves of his ugly mustard yellow hoodie were bunched up. Completing the ‘look’ was a pair of soft gray sweatpants and the bunny slippers that Shen Yuan had given him as a joke gift one year. He looked soft, comfortable, and domestic. Not at all sexy.
This was the guy that Shen Yuan’s gay thoughts chose?
His question finally seemed to penetrate Shang Qinghua’s thick skull, and he lowered the sponge before moving to turn off the sink. “What kind of question is that? We’ve been over this before,” he said, eyeing Shen Yuan warily as he tugged off the gloves and draped them over the edge of the sink. He folded his arms. “Don’t tell me you’ve got another rant for me about a gay dude writing stallion novels. You know I’m just gonna pull out the homophobia card to end it early.”
Shen Yuan rolled his eyes. “That’s not it. And you can’t keep calling homophobia just to cut off legitimate criticisms at the pass!”
“I can and I will!” Shang Qinghua puffed up proudly. A curl fell loose from his haphazard bun and drooped over his eye. He frowned and blew a puff of air at it to get it out of his face, which of course didn’t work. “What is it, then? Actually, scratch that. What’s been up with you lately? You’ve been weird for almost two weeks now. You won’t even smoke with me anymore!” He pouted, the curl falling delicately over his cheek.
Wait, delicately?
Shen Yuan shook his head to banish the thought. “I’ve been busy,” he lied, and Shang Qinghua obviously knew it was a lie, since they lived together. He pushed on anyway. “How did you know you were gay?”
Shang Qinghua considered him for a long moment, then shrugged. “Well, you could say it all started back when I saw episode three of Naruto—you know, the one where he and Sasuke kissed?”
“That was just a stupid gag.”
“A stupid gag that changed my life, bro!” Shang Qinghua laid a hand over his heart as though deeply offended. His gaze turned distant, and he sighed wistfully. “And then they brought in Kisame, and it was over for me.”
Shen Yuan’s eyebrow twitched. What else should he have expected from ‘Great Master’ Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky with his near-million words of nonsensical, gratuitous stallion papapa? “Do you have anything that doesn’t have to do with Naruto characters?”
Shang Qinghua opened his mouth.
“Or any other fictional characters.”
Shang Qinghua closed his mouth.
Shen Yuan took a deep breath and reminded himself that even though Shang Qinghua only paid a quarter of the rent, he also did all the cooking. And most of the cleaning. Shen Yuan couldn’t just throttle his roommate, even if his family was technically capable of hiding any evidence. “So you’re saying you have no practical experience?”
Shang Qinghua scoffed. “Oh, as if you’re a shining beacon of sexual prowess.”
Rude! Shen Yuan had at least kissed girls before—regardless of how enjoyable those experiences may or may not have been—which was definitely a leg up on Shang Qinghua’s zilch, but he put that aside for now. “If you’ve never actually done anything with another guy, then how do you know for sure?”
Shang Qinghua gave him an odd look. “I just know?”
“Yeah, but how do you know for sure?” Shen Yuan pressed. “What if you’ve been going through life thinking you’re gay, but then when you finally kiss a guy you realize you’re not into it at all?”
Shang Qinghua’s expression shifted from odd to offended. “Are you saying I’m not really gay unless I prove it?”
Shen Yuan just shrugged with that smug expression he knew his friend hated.
“Oh, for— That’s such bull! How do you know you’re not gay if you also haven’t kissed a guy?”
Shen Yuan spluttered. “That’s not the same at all!”
“I’m just using your logic!”
“That’s not my logic, that’s completely different logic!”
“Are we kissing or not?”
“Ki— What?” Shen Yuan stopped short, blinking at him.
Shang Qinghua folded his arms. “That’s the best way to resolve this, isn’t it? We kiss, I confirm that I like kissing guys, you confirm that you don’t like kissing guys, and then we go our separate merry ways until you get some other twisted logic caught up in your head.”
“My logic is not twisted,” Shen Yuan replied petulantly, willing away the heat in his cheeks. Truthfully, this sort of thing was the vague plan he had in mind as a way to get Shang Qinghua onboard without having to admit to his…problem. But he didn’t think Shang Qinghua would be the one to suggest it! Wasn’t this too easy?
Whatever, whatever—he shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. “Fine, sure.” Shen Yuan dropped his arms to his sides and gestured awkwardly. “Did you want to do it here, or…?”
Shang Qinghua’s face scrunched. “What, in the kitchen? For my first kiss? No, bro, we should at least move to the couch.” He moved past Shen Yuan, grabbing his wrist and all but dragging him to the living room.
It fully occurred to Shen Yuan, then, that this would be Shang Qinghua’s first kiss. Guilt settled in his stomach like a rock. “Wait, are you sure?” he asked as Shang Qinghua pulled him down to sit next to him on the couch. “I wouldn’t wanna, like, steal your first kiss just for some…some stupid argument.”
Shang Qinghua’s hand briefly tightened around his wrist before he let go and averted his gaze. “S’not like I really care that much. Besides, you’re…” He trailed off, looking Shen Yuan up and down before his gaze skirted away again. “It’s fine.”
“Okay,” Shen Yuan said intelligently, his heart suddenly racing. They were really… They were really going to do this, then? He couldn’t help but look at Shang Qinghua’s lips. If—if—doing gay shit did work to ‘expend the energy,’ then hopefully he wouldn’t have to go as far as Throwaway93328’s alleged buddy did. Maybe just a kiss would work!
“Right. Uh?” Shang Qinghua shifted a bit, then awkwardly reached out to cup his cheek while Shen Yuan sat stiff as a board to let it happen. His hand was warm against his skin, which Shen Yuan was very much not thinking about. Shen Yuan shuffled closer, hesitantly reaching to brace his arm on the other side of Shang Qinghua’s lap, and they both leaned in.
As expected, Shang Qinghua’s lips were slightly chapped. Not that much, though, so it wasn’t bad. Actually, it was kind of…
Shang Qinghua pulled away, putting a bit of distance between them without taking his hand from Shen Yuan’s cheek. He searched his face for a moment, then cleared his throat. “Yep, definitely gay,” he said, sounding a bit too upbeat. “You?”
“…Straight.” Shen Yuan’s voice came out oddly rough, and he cleared his throat as well. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem like that meager kiss was enough to get the effects of the hypnotism video out of his system, because he liked that. And he wanted to do it again. Damn gay thoughts.
They stayed like that for a few long moments, staring at each other in awkward silence. And then they both started talking at nearly the same time.
“I mean, what does one kiss really determine—”
“—exactly what I was thinking—”
“—should probably do it again just to be sure.”
“Probably should, yeah,” Shen Yuan nodded dumbly, gaze fixed on Shang Qinghua’s lips as they came closer and pressed against his own again.
It was…more, this time. Shang Qinghua got a bit greedy, pulling him close to deepen the kiss with admittedly sloppy technique, but Shen Yuan couldn’t find it in himself to care for some reason. It was strange, considering that it was always easy for him to find some small fault when it came to the few times he’d kissed girls. Yet now, even with Shang Qinghua’s obviously poor technique, Shen Yuan…kind of liked it? Was the gay hypno that strong, or was there something else wrong with him? Did he just like bad kissers?
It was unclear how long they kissed, only that it felt far too soon when Shang Qinghua pulled away again, staring intensely into his eyes. His lips were slick and reddened, tongue darting out as if chasing the taste of something. Shen Yuan’s chest heaved, somehow out of breath just from a bit of kissing.
“We should—”
“Yeah—”
They kissed again, and Shen Yuan thought, Fuck it. In for a penny, in for a pound. It was clearly going to take more than just kissing, so he moved to swing his leg over Shang Qinghua’s lap, straddling him and planting his hands on his shoulders. If kissing wasn’t going to be enough to get this out of his system, then maybe he should— Maybe they should—
Shang Qinghua’s hands slid under his T-shirt, fingers skirting the skin underneath and making Shen Yuan shiver. They came up to experimentally pinch at his nipples, and Shen Yuan broke away with a gasp, unintentionally arching into the touch. Fuck, why did that feel good? Shen Yuan was a man!
“You know,” Shang Qinghua rasped as he nosed along the line of Shen Yuan’s neck, still lightly pinching and tugging his nipples. “Kissing a guy probably doesn’t feel that much different from kissing a girl, right?”
“R-Right,” Shen Yuan said, clutching onto his shoulders. It did feel different, but not in a way he could really quantify at the moment, so he just agreed. He should probably tell Shang Qinghua to stop touching his nipples, because it was making it hard to think.
He would definitely do that. Soon.
Shang Qinghua’s lips briefly sealed around a spot on his neck before pulling off. “It probably wouldn’t be enough to just kiss someone to determine things.”
“Prob—Probably not.” Admittedly, Shen Yuan wasn’t really listening anymore.
Shang Qinghua pulled back to look at him. “So we should probably fuck.”
“We…” Shen Yuan blinked dazedly. “What?”
“It’s the best way to know for sure.” Shang Qinghua’s casual shrug belied the way his gaze fixated on Shen Yuan’s throat as it bobbed.
Shen Yuan almost said know what for sure? before he remembered the ridiculous cover story they were using for this. The one that kept Shen Yuan from having to say your stupid gay hypno video actually worked on me and you’re the only one I trust to test the theory that doing gay shit will un-gay me. Because that, believe it or not, sounded even stupider than ‘the only way to determine if we’re gay/straight is to fuck about it.’
He knew he shouldn’t question this, since it meant Shang Qinghua would actually do what Shen Yuan needed him to do, but Shen Yuan once again couldn’t help but think that his friend was being just a bit too agreeable. There was no way he actually believed that they needed to fuck in order to determine their sexualities, right?
Could it be that Shang Qinghua just…wanted to fuck him?
“Cucumber-bro?” Shang Qinghua’s quiet voice pulled him from his spiraling, and Shen Yuan realized he’d just been sitting silently, lost in thought. Here, in Shang Qinghua’s lap. After making out with him. Because Shang Qinghua maybe wanted to fuck him?
The thought of that made Shen Yuan feel…
Something vulnerable entered Shang Qinghua’s expression. “Look, we don’t have to—”
“We do! I mean, we should. I mean—” Shen Yuan scratched the back of his neck, face heating. “I just, uh. Neither of us really knows how to…do that sort of thing, is all.”
“I mean, I know a couple things.” Shang Qinghua dropped his gaze, toying with the hem of Shen Yuan’s shirt. “I may not have done anything with another person, but I’ve…you know.”
Shen Yuan did not know.
He did, however, realize that there was no other way around this, so he took a breath and nodded as firmly as he could. “Okay.”
Shang Qinghua’s eyebrows shot upwards. “Okay?”
“Do you want a written and signed letter of intent?”
Shang Qinghua laughed, breathless with—relief? It was a good sound; Shen Yuan had always liked his laugh. Shang Qinghua had the sort of laugh that was infectious, and even now Shen Yuan couldn’t help but give a wobbly smile in response before Shang Qinghua said, “Ah, that’s my Cucumber-bro.”
Shen Yuan’s stomach flipped and his smile froze. There was no time to process that, though, because Shang Qinghua then stood and all but dumped him out of his lap, and he had to scramble to get his feet under him to keep from falling to the floor. He made some sort of squawking noise, he thought, and then his wrist was being grabbed again as Shang Qinghua dragged him to his room.
“What the fuck?!” Shen Yuan said once he managed to put words together again.
“What, did you want to get down and dirty on the couch?” Shang Qinghua said over his shoulder as he opened his door and pulled him towards the bed. “We don’t even have lube out there!”
That, of course, implied that Shang Qinghua had lube in here. In his bedroom. Which Shen Yuan was currently standing in. Because they were going to fuck.
Shen Yuan felt jittery, for some reason.
Shang Qinghua kept his room pretty clean—cleaner than Shen Yuan’s, at least, and he also did his laundry way more often, so Shen Yuan didn’t have many qualms about being led to kick off his house slippers and sit atop his sheets. Shang Qinghua even made his bed every day, the weirdo.
“Bro, you look like a baby deer facing an oncoming car,” Shang Qinghua said, settling in next to him. “I’m not gonna attack you.”
“I know that!” Shen Yuan snapped, refusing to be cowed. His hands gave him away, though, fidgeting and twisting in his shorts.
Shang Qinghua watched his hands for a moment, then reached to cover one with his own. Shen Yuan fell still. “Look, we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.”
Shen Yuan scowled at him, cheeks flaming. “We’re already here, aren’t we? Do you think I’d chicken out?”
“It’s not ‘chickening out’ if you’re uncomfortable—”
Shen Yuan yanked him closer to claim his lips again, which were softer now and still a bit moist from previous efforts, and Shang Qinghua immediately relented. The feeling of kissing Shang Qinghua was somewhat familiar at this point, so Shen Yuan let himself sink into it. They kissed languidly, at first, and then Shang Qinghua pulled back to take off Shen Yuan’s glasses. He carefully folded them and placed them on the nightstand, and something about that action made Shen Yuan’s stomach tug at itself. Without thinking, he reached to pull Shang Qinghua back in, hands fisting in his hoodie as their kissing turned more fervent.
At some point, Shen Yuan’s shirt came off and he was laid back against the sheets, Shang Qinghua tugging off his hoodie above him. Shen Yuan’s gaze lingered on the soft lines and curves of his body, feeling the inexplicable urge to grab at him and let his fingers sink into his skin. They were both equally unathletic, with the main difference between them being that Shang Qinghua’s body was more liable to hold onto fat than Shen Yuan’s. In all honesty, Shen Yuan had always been a bit envious of that fact, since he himself always teetered on the edge of underweight in a way that his doctor constantly chided him for. Which wasn’t fair, because he did eat! And he’d been eating much better ever since Shang Qinghua moved in and started cooking for the both of them, thank you very much!
Noticing his attention, Shang Qinghua averted his gaze, a faint blush rising to his cheeks. It was actually…kind of cute. Shen Yuan gave in to the urge to pull him down again.
Shang Qinghua let out a noise of surprise before he recovered and kissed him back. His hands explored Shen Yuan’s torso yet again, tracing the lines of it before inevitably coming up to tease his nipples. This time, Shen Yuan let out a noise that was not a squeak, and Shang Qinghua broke from the kiss to map a line of sloppy wet marks down his neck. “You really like being touched here, huh?” he asked, voice breathy.
“Shut up.”
Shang Qinghua chuckled, continuing to kiss down his collarbone and his chest, all the way to—
“Oh,” Shen Yuan gasped, spine arching as Shang Qinghua’s warm, wet mouth closed over his nipple. His hand flew to grab the back of his head, clutching at his hair. Humming, Shang Qinghua experimented with a few things, and the two of them quickly learned that Shen Yuan really liked when he flicked his tongue against him, or when he latched on and sucked. His cock was already hard and straining against his pants by the time Shang Qinghua finished with the one nipple only to move over to the other, bringing one hand up to continue playing with the abandoned one.
The sensations were almost too much, and Shen Yuan thrashed a bit, whining despite himself. “Ah, Air—Airplane-ge, come on.”
Shang Qinghua chuckled against his skin. “Patience, patience.”
Scowling, Shen Yuan locked his arms and legs around him and threw all of his body weight to the side, barely succeeding in rolling them so that Shang Qinghua was the one on his back with Shen Yuan on top, sitting astride his hips. Shang Qinghua lay beneath him, his hair almost completely loose, curls haphazardly splayed across the bedding. His face was flushed and his eyes were wide, lips parted in surprise.
He looked…
Stunned. About as stunned as Shen Yuan felt by the sight beneath him. Shen Yuan paused, unsure what to do from here. He honestly hadn’t really expected to succeed in his attempted maneuver—Shang Qinghua was so much larger than him, after all. There was no planned follow-up.
But then Shen Yuan shifted a bit and his hips made contact with Shang Qinghua’s, bringing to attention the fact that both of their dicks were very much interested in the proceedings. And, uh, it felt pretty good, even through their pants. Shen Yuan unthinkingly rutted against him again, and Shang Qinghua cursed under his breath before flinging an arm around his neck and pulling him down for another kiss. Shen Yuan went willingly, even enjoying the strange feeling of Shang Qinghua’s tongue pushing into his mouth. It sufficiently distracted him from the way Shang Qinghua’s free hand skated down his bare torso—up until it slipped beneath the elastic band of his shorts, that is.
Shen Yuan jolted, moving to pull away, but then Shang Qinghua reached inside his underwear and wrapped his hand around him, and Shen Yuan ended up shuddering instead. A noise might have also escaped him.
“Fuck,” Shang Qinghua said breathlessly against him. “Fuck, you’re so—” He kissed him again in lieu of finishing his sentence, body arching to grind his hips up against Shen Yuan. Because of the angle, he ended up rutting against his ass more than anything as he continued stroking Shen Yuan’s cock.
Objectively speaking, it was a poor showing from both of them. Their movements were clumsy in the way that two people with virtually no experience tended to be. Shang Qinghua stroked him a bit too quickly and his hand was a bit too dry, and Shen Yuan couldn’t think to do anything for him in return except to inelegantly press his ass against every grind of his cock. They weren’t even fully undressed, for fuck’s sake.
And yet, every part of it managed to light up Shen Yuan from the inside anyway, and he quickly found himself hurtling towards the edge.
“Ah, wait, wait,” Shen Yuan broke from the kiss to pant out.
Shang Qinghua, frustratingly, did not wait, instead moving his hand more enthusiastically. “Y’close?”
“Y-Yes, but—”
Shen Yuan was pulled into another kiss right as Shang Qinghua made some sort of twisting motion with his hand that had him barely hanging on by a thread. Shen Yuan managed, though, and pulled away again to duck his head against Shang Qinghua’s shoulder, intending to tell him to stop, but then—
“There you go, A-Yuan,” Shang Qinghua murmured before pressing a sloppy wet kiss to his temple, and that did it. Shen Yuan couldn’t help but whine as he came, spilling into his roommate’s hand and his own underwear. Shang Qinghua kept pumping him as he rode out his orgasm, guiding him though it as he kissed his temple a few more times.
“Enough,” Shen Yuan eventually rasped, then swallowed at the realization of how dry his throat was. Shang Qinghua actually stopped this time, pulling his hand out of Shen Yuan’s pants in a somewhat awkward motion before flopping it off to the side somewhere. His other arm was still latched around Shen Yuan, not only allowing but encouraging him to lay his entire body weight on Shang Qinghua while he gathered himself back from his orgasm. Shen Yuan kept his head tucked into his shoulder as he breathed, doing his best to re-spool his mind from where it unraveled.
That was…
Well. That orgasm was certainly more intense than Shen Yuan would have expected, though maybe that was just how it always was when a second party was involved in this sort of thing. Not like he would know. He also liked it a lot more than he should be liking anything involving another man, but—anyone would probably like a hand on them regardless of who it was attached to, right? It was just a hand! It was different from— From—
Anyway, clearly that wasn’t enough to clear the effects of the hypnosis from his system. Which, again, it was just a hand. So. That tracked, probably.
Also, A-Yuan? Where the hell did that come from? They both almost exclusively called each other by their internet handles, since that was how they met. Unless Shen Yuan’s family was visiting, of course, but even then Shang Qinghua just called him ‘Shen Yuan’ or maybe ‘Yuan-bro.’ Never anything as affectionate as ‘A-Yuan.’ What the hell?
“You…” Shen Yuan started, intending to ask about it, but he had trouble fully voicing his question. Shang Qinghua gave a lazily questioning hum in response, shifting a bit, and Shen Yuan realized there were more pressing matters at hand. Specifically, the thing pressed against his hip.
Shen Yuan pushed up to brace himself on his hands—with much difficulty, because as previously established, he was far from athletic—and looked down at Shang Qinghua. “You still…” He gestured vaguely with his head.
A slow, lazy blink, and then a crooked grin lit up Shang Qinghua’s face. “Ah? You saying you’re ready to go again, Cucumber-bro?”
Shen Yuan scowled—and absolutely zero part of him wondered why Shang Qinghua decided to switch back to ‘Cucumber-bro.’ He sat up fully, careful to position himself so he wasn’t directly over Shang Qinghua’s dick. “Well, it’s not like you got to—you know. So it’s only fair. Do you want, uh…” Shen Yuan bit his lip and fidgeted with the hem of his shorts. He couldn’t bring himself to outright suggest anything, so he switched to, “What do you want?”
Shang Qinghua just stared at him for a long moment, expression inscrutable. Then, he lifted his free hand. “I wanna clean off my hand.”
At the sight of his own cum all over Shang Qinghua’s hand—starting to dry on it, in fact—Shen Yuan squawked and all but threw himself off of him. “What the fuck?! You were just laying there like that the whole time?”
“What was I supposed to do?” Shang Qinghua countered as he sat up and reached for the tissue box on his bedside table. “I couldn’t reach the tissues like that, and I’m pretty sure it would have been rude to shove you off or ask you to grab me one. Unless you wanted me to wipe it off on my own sheets like some sort of heathen.”
“Of course not! Just— Just—” Shen Yuan made a frustrated noise. “I don’t know!”
“Exactly. You have no room to judge me, bro.” Shang Qinghua tossed the tissue towards a small wastebasket, missing it entirely, and opened the drawer to his bedside table.
“I have every room to judge you.” Shen Yuan haughtily lifted his nose in the air. “You’re the one who makes his living writing porn. Shouldn’t you think about these th— mmph!”
He was cut off by a sudden kiss, Shang Qinghua easily tackling him back onto the bed in a surprise attack. Shen Yuan quickly melted into it—kissing Shang Qinghua was actually pretty nice, now that they both had a better grasp on the fundamentals. He was starting to think that maybe the problem with the girls that he kissed before was that he was too nervous about it. Not that he hadn’t been nervous about kissing Shang Qinghua at first, but, well…
It was different. At the end of the day, Shang Qinghua was Shang Qinghua. Shen Yuan’s ridiculous, shameless, porn-writing roommate and best friend who was an inexplicably good cook and a lot of fun to rip into low-budget dramas with. There were no real stakes, because it wasn’t like they were doing this for real reasons. It wasn’t like they’d be together after this.
For some reason, a strange sort of anger sparked low in Shen Yuan’s gut, and he wound his fingers tight into Shang Qinghua’s hair as he boldly licked into his mouth, eliciting a low groan from the other man. Shang Qinghua pulled back just enough to yank at Shen Yuan’s shorts and underwear—Shen Yuan bridging his hips to help get them off—then glanced down.
“Fuck,” he said, staring at Shen Yuan’s cock—which was valiantly trying to regain interest in things. “I should’ve sucked you off instead.”
Shen Yuan opened his mouth to ask what the hell that was supposed to mean, but then Shang Qinghua descended on him again and he summarily forgot all about the weird comment. Shang Qinghua had no qualms about groping at Shen Yuan and feeling him up as they kissed, sliding his hands up his torso to toy with his nipples again or stroking down his thighs. Shen Yuan hesitantly tried to do the same, feeling incredibly awkward as his fingers dug into the plush skin of Shang Qinghua’s sides.
Would it be weird if he put his hands on Shang Qinghua’s ass? They’d already done this much, after all, and Shen Yuan was…curious. Heart racing, he let his hands slide haltingly down Shang Qinghua’s sides towards his hips, only to pause altogether when he made contact with fabric.
“You still have your pants on?” Shen Yuan asked incredulously.
Shang Qinghua hummed against his collarbone, nipping at it before pulling back to observe the mark he presumably left there. “Forgot.”
Shen Yuan rolled his eyes. How could he forget something like that? If he was gonna—if they were gonna—then he had to take them off, obviously. Shen Yuan huffed and pushed at his pants, and Shang Qinghua got the message, sitting back and hooking his thumbs in the waistband. As soon as he pulled his pants down to free his cock, Shen Yuan nearly choked and had to turn to the side.
What business did Shang Qinghua have being bigger than him?!
Granted, he was bigger than Shen Yuan in every other way as well, and the difference in their dick sizes wasn’t that bad, but still! While Shang Qinghua ungracefully flopped back on the bed to kick his pants all the way off, Shen Yuan snuck another peek. Their lengths were comparable, actually, with Shang Qinghua being only a bit longer, but he was…thicker. Noticeably. What the fuck.
Pants successfully discarded, Shang Qinghua sat up and turned to him, and Shen Yuan was a beat too late in averting his gaze. The chuckle his friend let out made his face flame. “Like what you see?”
“No. Shut up.”
“Yeowch. Hit a guy where it hurts, why don’t you?” Shang Qinghua didn’t sound hurt at all as he crawled back over to hover over Shen Yuan on all fours. He dipped down to kiss him again, brief and relatively chaste, before pulling back a bit. “…You still sure? No hard feelings if you wanna back out, you know.”
Shen Yuan wanted to roll his eyes and make another snippy comment about not chickening out, but the look in Shang Qinghua’s eyes stopped him. There was an intensity there, nearly burning as he searched Shen Yuan’s face like he was trying to read his mind.
It fully occurred to Shen Yuan that even if this wasn’t ‘real,’ per se, it was still their first time. For both of them. And based on everything preceding this, it was pretty obvious who was going to take which role. If things were reversed, Shen Yuan knew he’d hate being put in a position where he could potentially hurt Shang Qinghua, and that he’d hate to think his friend was forcing himself.
Was Shen Yuan forcing himself?
…
He wasn’t sure. Objectively speaking, maybe. He had to do this in order to test out a stupid theory, which one could argue meant he was forcing himself. But it didn’t feel like he was forcing himself. He felt curious, and more than a bit intrigued—anal supposedly felt good, after all, though he hadn’t explored that area on his own.
And…he trusted Shang Qinghua. They would probably end up fumbling this in some way, but he knew Shang Qinghua would never actually want to hurt him. They both tended to be flippant and irreverent with each other, threatening violence or spouting mean words. But at the end of the day, there was always the unspoken understanding that they both cared.
Shen Yuan steadily met his gaze. “I’m sure.”
Shang Qinghua’s throat worked a few times, still searching his face for any hint of a lie. His voice came out a bit hoarse, “Okay. Do you, uh. Do you wanna do it like this, or…?” He made a flipping gesture with his hand.
Shen Yuan’s face burned; both options were mortifying in different ways. He’d either have to face Shang Qinghua and have all of his reactions exposed to him, or be able to hide from him but have his ass on display! Still, based on the limited amount of danmei he’d read (because he was a good brother), he was pretty sure the latter position was supposed to make things easier for one’s first time, right? And he very much liked the idea of hiding his face, in any case.
Instead of answering, Shen Yuan pushed at Shang Qinghua’s arms until he had enough room to flip over. He was, in fact, very grateful for the chance to hide his face in the sheets as he got his elbows and knees underneath himself and registered just how ridiculous this position was.
“Fuck,” Shang Qinghua breathed.
Shen Yuan’s entire body burned with embarrassment. He squirmed a bit. “Don’t stare!”
“Bro, do you have any idea how nice your ass is? You’d stare, too.”
Skin prickling, Shen Yuan buried his face further in his arms. A hand alighted between his shoulder blades and slowly slid down his spine, moving to cup one of his ass cheeks once it reached it. Shen Yuan shivered.
Shang Qinghua cleared his throat. “Have you ever, uh…?”
“…No.”
“Alright. Cool. That’s fine. Uh.” The hand pulled away, and then there was the distinct sound of the plastic flip-top of a bottle opening. “Just…try to relax, alright? And breathe.”
Shen Yuan hummed in acknowledgement, but it was admittedly hard to relax while waiting in blind anticipation for Shang Qinghua to— to—
A slicked finger pressed against his skin, just behind his balls before stroking slowly up his taint towards his hole. Shen Yuan shuddered and choked back a noise—no way was he going to make some pathetic sound just from that! The finger massaged against his hole, undemanding, while Shang Qinghua’s other hand splayed out across his lower back in a grounding touch. Shen Yuan gradually acclimated to the foreign feeling of being touched there, and then that finger slowly pressed inside.
He tensed up.
It was weird, okay? And not pleasurable at all—not yet, at least. Then again, it was only the tip of one finger. Shang Qinghua’s other hand started soothingly running up and down his spine. “You gotta relax, remember?”
“You try relaxing like this,” Shen Yuan grumbled.
A chuckle. “Bro, you think I haven’t done this to myself?”
His words sent sparks skittering through Shen Yuan’s bloodstream. Shang Qinghua actually—? Well, he was a gay guy, so Shen Yuan supposed it made sense he’d be a bit more familiar with…this sort of thing. Shen Yuan never assumed, of course! And it wasn’t like he spent his time thinking about how his roommate chose to jack off or what said jacking off entailed! That would be weird.
But now that the thought was in his head, he couldn’t help the subsequent curiosity. Did Shang Qinghua do it like this, or in some other position? Did he— Did he use toys? He didn’t make a lot of money from his writing, so Shen Yuan couldn’t imagine he had some wide assortment. One, maybe two go-to options, probably. Or just his fingers, like he was doing with Shen Yuan right now.
“There you go,” Shang Qinghua murmured as more of his finger eased inside Shen Yuan.
There you go, A-Yuan.
“Is that alright?” Shang Qinghua asked, noticing the way Shen Yuan shuddered. His finger slowly moved in and out.
“Shut up.”
He stopped. “I’m serious, you gotta tell me if something’s wrong. I’m not trying to hurt you here.”
Ugh, fuck Shang Qinghua for making sense. “It’s—It’s fine,” Shen Yuan mumbled. “Just…weird.”
Shang Qinghua hummed. “It’s like that at first. It, uh, gets better, though. Or it should. You’ll tell me if I do something you don’t like, right?”
The hand on Shen Yuan’s back pressed down a bit more, demanding in its weight, and goosebumps spread across his skin. He managed to give some sort of noise of confirmation, and Shang Qinghua started moving again.
Shang Qinghua was eventually proven right—something that would highly irritate Shen Yuan in most other circumstances. It was hard to be irritated in this context, though, as Shang Qinghua worked a second finger inside and the drag of them in and out slowly shifted from weird to nice. Then, Shang Qinghua started scissoring his fingers to work him open further, occasionally crooking them as though rooting around for something.
“Should be around here,” he muttered to himself. Before Shen Yuan could ask what he was talking about, his fingers pressed against something that had his hips pitching and a yelp escaping him. “Found it!”
“Found what?” Shen Yuan asked, pushing up on his elbows so he could twist his head over his shoulder to glare at him.
Shang Qinghua blinked. “Are you telling me you’ve never heard of a prostate before?”
Oh. Oh. That. Shen Yuan knew vaguely that that was what supposedly made anal feel good, of course. But he didn’t think it would be like that!
Shen Yuan bristled. “Of course I— hah—”
His entire sentence was lost as Shang Qinghua took the opportunity to press against that spot again—and with Shen Yuan’s face fully visible too, the bastard. He quickly ducked his head back down as Shang Qinghua started fingering him more intensely, locating his prostate with nearly every pass of his fingers. It was a different sort of pleasure from what he was used to, and the unfamiliarity of it made it impossible to guard against. Soon, Shen Yuan was panting into the sheets, hips pressing back into every thrust.
“Fuck, you like that, A-Yuan?” Shang Qinghua asked, voice breathy. “You like having my fingers inside you?”
Why did he have to say things like that?!
Shang Qinghua ignored his telepathic pleas to shut the fuck up. “Feels so fucking good around my fingers, you know. Bet you’d feel even better around my cock.”
“Ngh, ah— Airplane-ge, I—”
“You close again?”
Shen Yuan shook his head. “D-Don’t know.”
Could he even come like this? Was that a thing? His cock hadn’t been touched in what feels like ages, and it ached as Shang Qinghua just kept fucking him.
“Do you wanna come like this?” Shang Qinghua curled his fingers especially hard. “Or on my cock?”
“Ah! You—! Stop s-saying things like that!”
“I’m asking important questions here, A-Yuan.” Shang Qinghua moved his free hand, slowly sliding it along Shen Yuan’s skin, closer and closer to his cock. “You need to tell me which one you want.”
“What— Of course I want—” Shen Yuan snapped his mouth shut with a grimace. He couldn’t just say something like that.
Shang Qinghua’s free hand came tantalizingly close to his cock before bypassing it entirely, instead moving to massage his taint. And it was— It felt good, but it was so not what Shen Yuan needed right now. He was like a balloon made of some material that refused to burst, instead only stretching thinner and thinner with no promise of release.
“Sorry bro, I couldn’t catch that,” Shang Qinghua practically cooed. “Just tell me what you want.”
He obviously already knew the answer!
Shen Yuan trembled beneath him, so wound up that he couldn’t even care how he whined with practically each breath. “Ah— Air— I want—”
“Hm?” Shang Qinghua twisted his fingers inside him in a very evil move, and Shen Yuan folded.
“C-Cock! Your c—” Shen Yuan bit at the sheets, which felt surprisingly damp. Was he crying? “Ge, please!”
Shang Qinghua completely stopped, as though briefly frozen. Then, he cursed under his breath and pulled his fingers out, and Shen Yuan involuntarily whined at the loss. He collapsed forward a bit—not fully, because then his dick would touch the bed, and then he’d probably immediately come and thoroughly embarrass himself—and tried to catch his breath. His soupy mind vaguely registered Shang Qinghua saying something about Shen Yuan not knowing how hot he was, which Shen Yuan would promptly feel indignant about. In a moment.
The sound of crinkling plastic caught his attention, and he twisted a bit to look over his shoulder. “You own condoms?”
Shang Qinghua looked up from where his slippery hands were struggling with the wrapper. “Well, heh, it’s best to be prepared, right? What if the opportunity to lose my virginity dropped into my lap, but was thwarted by a lack of condoms?”
Shen Yuan supposed that makes sense. And, technically, that was kind of the situation they were in right now. Still, “Is that really necessary?”
Shang Qinghua froze. “What.”
“Y’know…” Shen Yuan turned his warm face back into the safety of his arms. “Neither of us has…ahem. So, we’re both clean, right?”
“Yeah, but…”
No further argument came. Shen Yuan rolled his eyes with a huff. “Whatever. Use the stupid condom or don’t. I just figured since you can’t seem to get the damn thing open, then we might as well not deal with it.”
Shang Qinghua made a strange, choked noise. “You make a good point…”
Even so, he didn’t move for a few moments, and Shen Yuan’s hackles slowly rose. Was it really such a big deal? Shen Yuan was getting ready to turn and snap at him again, but then he heard the quiet sound of the condom packet dropping to the bed, followed by the flip-top of the lube again. Shen Yuan took a deep breath and tried to relax, wary of how much he might have tensed up during that conversation.
One of Shang Qinghua’s hands returned to lay on his back, serving as all the warning he got before something slick and blunt pressed against his hole. Still, Shen Yuan very nearly jolted and only barely managed to hold still. His heart raced in his throat as Shang Qinghua slowly pushed forward—
In all honesty, Shang Qinghua’s dick was barely much wider than his fingers had been. It didn’t really hurt, but it still felt strange, and different, and it took most of Shen Yuan’s energy to keep from seizing up as soon as the tip was inside. He tried to focus on his breathing, trembling a bit as he forced deep breaths in and out.
“Fuck,” Shang Qinghua muttered, stopping even though he was barely inside. “I don’t— I don’t know if I’m gonna last.”
“Are you serious?” Shen Yuan hissed.
“Bro, you got to come earlier! I didn’t! And you feel insanely good.”
“Whose fault was that? And what do you mean ‘insanely good?’ You’re barely even in me!”
“Exactly! Look, just—just gimme a minute, alright?”
Shen Yuan groaned and dropped his forehead against the sheets, which ended up shifting the two of them a bit and drawing another hissed curse from Shang Qinghua. He fell still. Seconds ticked by, embarrassment steadily building as there was nothing to do but sit there with the knowledge that Shang Qinghua’s cock was (barely) inside him. His body also heated with that knowledge, and it took more and more energy to keep from squirming.
Eventually, Shang Qinghua let out a slow breath. “Okay, I think I’m, uh. I think we’re good.”
He punctuated that statement by pushing in more, and Shen Yuan exhaled at the feeling of slowly being filled. The plus side of Shang Qinghua’s stupid need for a break meant that Shen Yuan had relaxed more as well, so it didn’t even really hurt as he pressed inside. He gave in to the urge to rock his hips back and speed up the process, and Shang Qinghua let out a breathy chuckle. “Impatient?”
“Shut up.”
Once Shang Qinghua was fully inside, he paused again, and Shen Yuan bit back a whine. Did he really have to go so slow?! Luckily, though, he was spared the embarrassment of having to say something, because Shang Qinghua gradually pulled out and thrust back in.
Oh.
That was—
He did it again, then again. His pace was careful and halting, and Shen Yuan was lucky if he managed to brush against his prostate, but the sheer feeling of being filled again and again—of being fucked—
“Hah,” Shen Yuan moaned as he grasped at the sheets. His hips rocked back into each thrust, already craving more, harder.
“Ah, is this alright?” Shang Qinghua asked breathily. “S’it good?”
Shen Yuan snapped his mouth shut so that his pathetic yes instead came out as an equally-pathetic whimper. Because it was good, even despite Shang Qinghua’s total lack of technique and the way his rhythm frustratingly changed at random times like he didn’t even intend it. But if even this was good, then it could probably only get better, right? They would improve, the more they practiced, the more they did this—
The more they…
Oh.
He wanted that.
Face buried in the sheets, barely able to focus on anything except for the sheer feeling of it all, Shen Yuan was able to understand that deceptively simple fact. The hypnosis, the ‘gay energy expending’—all of that was just excuses. Ones that Shen Yuan wasn’t able to recognize until now, face-down on Shang Qinghua’s bed while his roommate pounded into him again and again.
“Fuck, you feel so good,” Shang Qinghua groaned, disturbing his thoughts. “Way better than I ever imagined.”
The words zipped right down Shen Yuan’s spine. Shang Qinghua imagined this? How often? And for how long? His willingness to go along with Shen Yuan’s ridiculous excuses made it obvious in hindsight, but—
Did Shang Qinghua like him? Like, seriously like him?
The thought of that didn’t bring the reaction that Shen Yuan would have previously expected from himself. There was no clenching in his chest, no cold, lead ball sinking in his stomach over the fact that he would have to reject his friend’s feelings. Rather, a warmth pooled in his gut and spread outwards through his body, filling him with a shivery feeling.
Shang Qinghua liked him.
Suddenly, Shen Yuan was very close to coming again.
“Ah, ah—” He swallowed around the saliva pooling in his mouth. “Ge, I’m—”
“Fuck,” Shang Qinghua cut him off with another curse as his hips stuttered, and then there was the strange feeling of something spilling against his insides as Shang Qinghua groaned. Shen Yuan whined and squirmed, because he was so close but Shang Qinghua stopped and Shen Yuan was going to kill him if he didn’t get to come in the next ten seconds—
Either Shen Yuan accidentally said some of that or Shang Qinghua could just tell, because a hand wrapped around his aching cock and stroked him one, two times before Shen Yuan tumbled over the edge. He keened, high and embarrassing, as his entire body was wracked with orgasm. He vaguely registered the feeling of another hand stroking soothingly down the line of his back throughout the whole thing.
Eventually, Shen Yuan came back down to earth and promptly slumped forward on the bed, way too tired to keep holding himself up in any way. He hissed as this ended up pulling Shang Qinghua out of him faster than was probably recommended, but he could hardly care at the moment. Shang Qinghua dropped too, landing next to him and slinging an arm around Shen Yuan’s waist as he pressed his forehead against his shoulder. They laid there in silence, catching their breaths, and Shen Yuan’s brain gradually came back online—including the parts that were supposed to freak out about this.
And he did freak out, a little bit. His mid-fuck realization helped to temper things, but coming to terms with one’s sexuality wasn’t exactly easy. Especially not in a situation as…unique as this. Obviously, he was not magically cured of his gay thoughts just from being fucked in the ass by Shang Qinghua. The way he’d clung to that idea so tightly and desperately was mortifying in hindsight.
The ‘gay thoughts’ only seemed to ramp up, in fact. Wanting to do that again. Wanting to try other things with Shang Qinghua as well. Wanting to stay like this, right now, with Shang Qinghua’s arm around him and their bodies pressed together. Wanting to curl up together on their sofa to watch bad dramas and maybe kiss during the parts that were ‘boring’ bad rather than ‘viciously tear into it’ bad.
He wanted all that and more. With Shang Qinghua. Which was still ridiculous, because Shang Qinghua was Shang Qinghua, but, well. Shen Yuan had always had a soft spot for slightly terrible things.
And maybe, the next time they smoked and Shang Qinghua dared him to suck his dick, Shen Yuan might get up the nerve to actually do it.
Shang Qinghua hummed to himself as he stirred the leftover pork and green beans in the pan to reheat it, still riding the high of what he was reasonably sure was a successful fuck. He’d gotten Shen Yuan to come twice, after all, and Shen Yuan certainly seemed to enjoy nearly everything else outside of that, too. Sure, there were a couple stumbling blocks, but he would like to think he did pretty well for his first time, if he may say so himself.
And now he was also preparing food for Shen Yuan—the responsible thing to do! The boyfriend thing to do, maybe, if their much-needed conversation went well. Shang Qinghua wasn’t particularly looking forward to talking Shen Yuan down from the ledge of compulsory heterosexuality he would probably work himself onto, but he would brave that storm willingly. Especially if it meant getting to do that again.
His phone buzzed in his pocket as he was dumping the food into two bowls. Shang Qinghua’s brows quirked upwards in surprise when he checked it; apparently, Shen Yuan had woken up from his impromptu post-fuck nap.
PeerlessCucumber: Ur so-called tried and true method is ass btw. Tell ur friend he’s probably gay
Shang Qinghua snorted, warm fondness curling in his chest. He didn’t send a response, instead navigating over to the ‘delete account’ option before slipping his phone back into his pocket and scooping up the bowls to take to his hopefully-boyfriend.
He got everything he needed out of that throwaway account, after all.