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Eddie’s been in El Paso for a month. Well, 29 days, 3 hours, 21 minutes and 5 seconds, to be exact, because Buck’s been counting. He hasn’t been able to use the stopwatch on his phone, but that’s a small price to pay.
Buck hasn’t quite been a ghost, though his— Eddie’s house has too many memories. He’ll never tell anyone this because he thinks it sounds pathetic, but he hasn’t been able to bring himself to sleep in Eddie’s bed, instead spending his nights on the couch.
Sometimes when Buck wakes in the morning, he pretends that everything is normal. Christopher is about to wake up, begging Buck to make pancakes. Eddie is grumpy and waiting for the morning coffee he can’t live without.
Then reality hits and Eddie’s house feels colder than ever.
The house is entombed and anything Buck doesn’t need is covered in a layer of dust. He hasn’t invited anyone over, the house is too sacred for that, but his friends do everything in their power to keep his schedule busy. Buck’s honestly a little relieved by all the distractions.
Still, he finds the time between work and friendly hangouts to think about Eddie and Chris. Buck wonders how long it will be until he sees them again. If he thinks too hard, he’s worried he’ll fall apart at the seams.
Back to the reason why Eddie being gone a month matters.
Eddie has just asked Buck to come to El Paso for a visit. They’ve been texting and calling almost every day since Eddie left, but it’s not quite the same as seeing each other in person. Buck feels a little like a school kid with a crush. He’s not quite kicking his feet in excitement, but he’s pretty damn close.
“I want you to come to El Paso,” Eddie had said. “We miss you. I miss you.”
It’s that subtle change, that ‘I’ that has Buck’s heart soaring a little. Of course Chris misses Buck. Even angry, he cares. But Eddie specifically misses Buck? Wanting Buck to know that? It’s something big. Something’s changed since the last time they talked in person.
The day Eddie left, he promised Buck he would come back. Now that reality feels closer than ever.
Of course, everyone at the one-eighteen quickly picks up on Buck’s change in demeanor the second he clocks in the next morning. Chim laments the loss of baked goods, Hen immediately knows it’s something to do with Eddie, and Ravi asks if Buck and Eddie are getting married (again). Bobby, of course, grants Buck his request for a week of leave, sporting a knowing smile.
Nothing can tamp down Buck’s happiness today.
When he gets home, though, he’s not sure what to pack. Buck knows Texas is hotter than California, but that’s about it. Maybe he could get away with a long-sleeve shirt. Definitely not a comfortable pink cardigan, which would turn him into a sweatbox.
Buck will never admit to this, either, but the reason he spends a little longer than he should picking out specific clothes is to impress one Edmundo Diaz. Ever since he got the phone call, Buck’s been thinking of everything he can do to impress Eddie, so Eddie knows that Buck hasn’t forgotten him. He’s even been working on a new pasta recipe that he knows Eddie will love.
Buck knows Eddie like the back of his hand, and part of that is knowing how much Eddie loves when Buck cooks for him. If he doesn’t get to see his best friend for another month (or even longer), Buck wants to do something that will leave an impression.
Though not technically in a hurry to get to the airport, Buck finds himself shifting in an uncomfortable plastic chair five hours before his plane takes off. He can’t help it; his leg bounces and he texts Eddie to let him know that everything’s on track. Buck will be in El Paso by four that afternoon, accounting for the extra hour.
When Buck arrives at the airport in El Paso, Eddie and Chris are both waiting for him, sporting a sign that says ‘Buck Buckley.’
“You know my first name’s Evan,” Buck grumbles. He’s not all that displeased though.
Eddie’s eyes crinkle. “I know,” he says.
The three of them hug and it feels like they’re a family again. Buck wants to hold on to this feeling for the rest of his life, but time doesn’t stop and the loud chatter of the airport grates on his ears.
They go to Eddie’s rental in El Paso. Eddie insisted that Buck stay there so he didn’t have to waste money on a hotel. He promised a bed, though Buck would have been perfectly okay with a couch.
Eddie’s parents are nowhere to be seen and Buck doesn’t feel like asking questions. He’s content to simply sit with his boys and eat Rocky Road ice cream while watching a movie that Chris is a little old for, but watches in the name of nostalgia anyway.
Chris isn’t staying the night tonight. An unspoken look goes between Chris and Eddie as he leaves. Buck’s a little disappointed, though he promises to spend more time with his favorite Diaz tomorrow.
Buck and Eddie sit together, drinking beers on the couch long after Chris is gone. Not so many words are exchanged, but that’s alright. Buck is content to sit in this perfect silence, savoring the perfect night. The house may not be home, but it doesn’t mean they can’t make new memories.
Then Eddie breaks the perfect silence by clearing his throat. “I have to tell you something.” A beat. “I’m gay.”
Buck doesn’t say anything, just setting his bottle on the table. Eddie’s clearly been sitting on this for a while.
“Christopher knows and— when I told him, he asked me something else.” Eddie looks even more nervous now. Buck reaches out to reassure him. “Do you know what he asked me?”
Buck shakes his head. He’s still not ready to say a word.
“He asked me if that meant I was going to date you now,” Eddie says in a hushed whisper.
Oh.
“Oh,” Buck says, because that’s the smartest thing he can think to say. “Do you want to?” He asks tentatively.
Eddie laughs. It’s not a mean laugh or a condescending one. It’s just Eddie. “Of course I do, Buck. You’re— you’re you. You’ve always been you and I can’t imagine it being anyone other than you. Loving you is easier than breathing and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Buck has always had to work for other people’s love. He had to get hurt for his parents to even spare him a second glance. Everyone at the one-eighteen is family, but even they were skeptical of him at first. Buck threw himself into relationships and hookups because it was the only way he could get people to want him. Except for Eddie.
Eddie has shot down all of Buck’s preconceived notions about love. Love is anything and everything and nothing. Love is fleeting and endless and an ending. Love is easy. Eddie loves Buck like it’s just any other mundane task. He’s the first person to ever look at Buck and say that loving him isn’t a burden. Buck doesn’t have to walk through fire to gain Eddie’s love, but he’d do it gladly if he was asked.
“We haven’t even had a first date yet,” Buck points out.
“So it’s too early to ask you to marry me?” Eddie asks. He’s not nervous anymore and Buck…Buck wants to cry.
“I would say yes,” Buck says, giddy with excitement.
From his pocket, Eddie produces a silver band. He slides it on Buck’s ring finger. The dam breaks and tears flood down Buck’s face. He’s being chosen by someone for the first time in his life. Someone loves Buck like he deserves. This is what it feels like to be wanted unconditionally.
Eddie surges forward on the couch to kiss Buck. Salty tears mix with the bittersweet taste and Buck realizes is what it’s supposed to feel like. He hopes to never have a first first kiss again.
They’re making out like idiot teenagers and it feels like Buck’s been missing out on this his whole life.
“We should wait to get married until we’re back in LA,” Eddie says when they break for air.
We. We we we we we.
“Everyone else would definitely kill us if we got married without them.” Buck chuckles.
“They would kill me,” Eddie amends. “They love you too much. I’ll be the one getting shovel talks. Even Christopher gave me one yesterday.”
Buck laughs. “There’s a reason he’s my favorite Diaz.”
Eddie shoves Buck lightly before kissing him again. “I think I want to hyphenate,” he muses.
“Evan Buckley-Diaz and Edmundo Buckley-Diaz,” Buck says thoughtfully.
“And Christopher Buckley-Diaz,” Eddie adds. “He’d want that.”
Buck is so overcome with love and tears well in his eyes again, threatening to spill over. “I love you so much.”
“I love you to the end of forever,” Eddie promises with another kiss.
He means it.