Chapter Text
Misery is the labor of creation. Kaveh knows his mentor would disagree with him, he would warn Kaveh to remember that his life is brief and meant to be meaningful. But his loving words and gentle kindness doesn’t make a dent on Kaveh’s mindset, there are only so many things that love is capable of changing. His mentor’s love brought Kaveh from the edge of the roof of the Akademiya’s main building, and it gave Kaveh a purpose to his misery. But, no amount of love or adoration (whether it was from his mentor or the entirety of the Kshehrewar Darshan) could change that misery was an undeniable part of Kaveh’s process.
There was no avoiding it. To create life, Kaveh had to wager his death — the choice was always to walk the fine line between his own destruction and the passion of creation, or to jump head-first into the Abyss and let himself drown again. In retrospect, Kaveh knows he should challenge the mentality. He tells the younger Kshehrewar students to create connections to life beyond their creations and projects because it’s the only way they’ll be able to create something meaningful. It’s a rousing speech and every time it ends in roaring applause, but Kaveh feels bitter when he’s back home alone by himself.
Home is a dusty, dilapidated one room studio loft. It’s located on the outskirts of Sumeru City, a piece of the lower income areas that are inhabited mostly by mercenaries and shady businessmen from foreign parts. There’s a charm to it, Kaveh believed that whole-heartedly, but it was still disappointing to come home to an empty room with mold-covered walls and to fall asleep with the sound of fights outside. Kaveh tells other students to connect with the world beyond their dorms or studios, and to experience every possible thing life has to offer. But, he sleeps on a lumpy mattress that’s thrown on the floor and there’s nothing in his apartment that would show it belonged to him. There’s chipped plates, a couch covered in mis-matched patches, threadbare blankets that are clinging to their lives, and various second-hand furniture that look like Kaveh had taken them from a dumpster. He doesn’t have any pictures of family or friends anywhere, all there is is dust.
Lots of dust.
Pieces of rock and marble that Kaveh hadn’t bothered to clean yet. He’s dedicated to cleaning, but he’s also dedicated his soul to his work and that takes priority. Kaveh can live with the dust, it’s a small price to pay for creation.
Staring at the rocks and dust, Kaveh gently pokes a large piece of marble with his foot and shuffles it aside. As the rock rolls, it leaves a light streak of white dust on the darkened wood of his floor. His nose wrinkles for a moment, a brief irritation as Kaveh makes a mental note to force himself to clean. But, the irritation passes quickly when Kaveh looks up to see the large statue that stands in the corner of his room. Even though it’s covered in a spare blanket, it’s beautiful. Standing in its shadow, Kaveh is captivated and frozen. He doesn’t need to see it to know it's a masterpiece – his true magnum opus. Like a sinner in church, Kaveh holds his breath as he slowly walks towards it. Even if the stone has been molded by his hands, the statue demands his reverence. He tiptoes towards it, then reaches out. The fabric of the blanket is soft on his fingertips. Kaveh had made sure to use his best blanket to cover it, he wouldn’t give it any less than the best that he owned. Underneath that blanket was Kaveh’s soul.
Gently, Kaveh’s fingers wrapped around the fabric and pulled it away from the statue. The blanket fell to the ground, sending dust particles into the air. They glimmered like bits of fairy dust in the light, and it made the figure looking back at him seem all the more powerful.
Tall, slender but muscular, stern yet attractive – the statue Kaveh had carved stared at him with brilliant turquoise eyes. They glittered in the moonlight, it almost seemed to Kaveh like they were pulsating with life. He took another step forwards, cautiously closing the gap between him and his creation. Studying the face, Kaveh scanned it for imperfections.
“Nothing, not a single one –”
Quietly, Kaveh mumbled to himself as he reached out and ran his hand over the stone. Smooth to the touch and cold as ice, it felt perfectly formed under his hand. He smiled. It had taken months to smoothen the stone, Kaveh had spent every night sanding it down and trying to soften the curves of the statue’s face until it felt as close to reality as he could come. Kaveh had turned down job offers, social invitations, chances to lecture, everything he possibly could and needed for this – and the result was everything he had hoped for. In the middle of Kaveh’s empty dust covered room stood the statue of a man, one that Kaveh had gladly traded his life to create and would sell his soul to perfect.
“Mister Kaveh, open up!”
A heavy hand smacked against the door of his apartment, shaking the foundations. Yelping, Kaveh cursed loudly and twirled at his heel to glare at his front door, which shook and rattled as if it were only more knock away from flying off its hinges. Who the hell?
“Mister Kaveh! I know you’re in there. Open up!”
The loud, thick accent reverberated through Kaveh’s mind as he tried to flip through the catalog in his head of people who annoyed him. Within seconds, panic settled itself deep inside Kaveh’s chest as he remembered three important facts about his miserable life: his landlord was a mildly irritating and clingy man from Port Ormos, he was late on his rent, and Kaveh was absolutely broke.
Shit.
Anxiety carved a place inside Kaveh’s chest, and his heart fluttered nervously as Kaveh quickly dashed towards the door. Within the few seconds it took him to grab the handle and open it, sweat had already begun to perspire on his hands and Kaveh felt his lungs wheezing for air. Still, he tried to force his best smile as he stared at the round angry face of his landlord, “Mr. Elias, I’m sorry for taking so long – I was a bit preoccupied. I wasn’t expecting you to show up so late at night.”
Kaveh’s hands are shaking as he holds the door handle in one and the frame in the other. It takes all of his efforts not to hiss at his landlord. No sane landlord would ever stalk his tenants and start banging on their door at two in the morning. Why don’t you go home and leave me alone? I didn’t order a giant talking pumpkin.
“Absent-minded! I would think a distinguished Akademiya graduate such as yourself would have a bit more awareness than this. I was calling out for you earlier and you ignored me, if I were any other man then I would have taken that as an insult!”
If the words sting and irritate Kaveh, then he doesn’t show it. Even as spit flies from Elias’ mouth, Kaveh keeps a radiant smile on his face and tries to swallow the urge to bash his hammer against the man’s balding head. “I’m sorry, Sir. I’ve been working late nights, I haven’t gotten much rest so it can be difficult to stay focused on everything going on.”
Elias huffs and his arms cross over his chest, “The life of an artist, no doubt. A man with your skill and intelligence could have easily secured a job in a much more lucrative field, but here you are working such strange jobs and hours!”
I’m sorry, who asked your fucking opinion on my life? You spend all your time complaining about women, men, and taxes while creating a river of sweat and spit where you stand.
There’s a part of Kaveh that begs him to snap. For a moment, he sees himself turning and grabbing his chisel from where it lays abandoned on the floor. He would kick away the empty cans of caffeine, then turn and bury the sharp point deep into Elias’ cranium until the skull broke away like the marble Kaveh had been carving. But, in the end, Kaveh pushes the disturbing thought away and bites his tongue to prevent himself from swearing a storm. He might have violent thoughts, but Kaveh refused to let the other man turn him into a monster.
“Well, that’s my life. We all find our own paths naturally, but you aren’t here to debate with me about my lifestyle, yes?”
“Of course not!” Elias’ voice is loud and thunders through the hallway, making Kaveh flinch, “You’re behind on your rent again, remember? We agreed that you will pay today and I’m here to collect.”
Swallowing quietly, Kaveh feels the blood draining from his face, “Of course, I did say that today I would pay…”
His voice trails off, wavering as Kaveh glances away nervously. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Elias. Kaveh didn’t need to look to know that a shark-like grin was spreading over the older man’s withered face. Like a vulture, Elias enjoyed eating prey that couldn’t refuse him or afford to fight back.
Despicable, old creep.
Kaveh’s thoughts center on the thought, the cogs in his brain are moving slowly. He tries to scramble to find a way to avoid the inevitable, but Kaveh is out of options. There isn’t anything he can do, not when he had sold his soul to finish the statue of the man in his room. The stones, the gems, the time and effort, it had wasted away his funds from his previous projects. Burn-out, break ups, and bad luck hadn’t given Kaveh a chance to piece his life together after graduation.
“Ah, I’ve seen that look before, Kaveh.”
Suddenly, tender and kind, Elias’ voice drops to a soft whisper. It’s sickening, and Kaveh struggles to hold his stomach together and prevent himself from vomiting on the floor where he stands. When a hand reaches out and gently strokes the side of Kaveh’s cheek, he dreams of throwing himself out of the window and cracking his skull on the dirty pavement below.
Elias doesn’t seem to notice his disgust. “Don’t make such a sad face, my little artist. How about we tap into our little deal? I’ll let you get away with stealing from me again, but you’ll need to pay up in a different way, my little bunny.”
Every word pollutes the air, poisoning it until Kaveh feels like he’ll suffocate and fall to the floor dead. His heart races in his chest. It beats against the confines of his ribs until he’s sure that he’s on the verge of a heart attack. You need to live your life, Kaveh. Do what you tell the other students, you don’t need to work yourself to the bone.
Kaveh wondered how his mentor would react if he saw the way Kaveh leaned into the sweaty palms of his landlord and fluttered his eyelashes playfully. Would he recoil in disgust at seeing his prodigy whoring his way out of an eviction?
“Tell me what you want, Sir,” a low voice, a shy look, and the appeal of touching him did its job. Elias didn’t seem to care whether the blush on Kaveh’s face was from lust, second-hand embarrassment bordering on humiliation, or fiery rage. Kaveh figured that it probably didn’t matter either way, he was being screwed whether he liked it or not.
Elias chucked, he reached down and cupped his cock, gripping it as he smirked. Kaveh wondered how the man would react if Kaveh bit down and tore through flesh, skin, and muscle the moment it was stuffed in his mouth. “I think we both know what I’d like.”
Forcing a smile, Kaveh nodded shyly, “Alright, can we do it at your place again? I like your sheets better.”
Puppy-dog eyes, wide and brilliant, nearly always helped Kaveh secure his goal. He didn’t want the man in his room, or anyone else to enter. Kaveh would set the entirety of Sumeru ablaze if it meant that no one else would see the creation before it was done.
“Of course, bunny, whatever you like. I know how much you like my bed,” Elias’ voice grates on Kaveh’s nerves. “Besides, I know how you get about people seeing your projects. I wouldn’t want to upset you looking at this new one, what’s the name?”
Elias grabs Kaveh’s wrist, holding it tightly so the bones creaked and ached under his grip. But, Kaveh doesn’t fight the pull. He’s already lost, he knows. There’s no point in fighting it now. The thought stings. It hurts Kaveh, but it burns him to feel the tears threatening to well in his eyes. He graduated with honors, painting hundreds of beautiful canvases, and carved enough statues to be one of the most renowned artists in modern Sumeru. And for what?
He was miserable at best, except when he knelt on the floor with his chisel and hammer. There was only one thing that stood between Kaveh and the Abyss, but it sat, unmovable, in the center of the room. It watched him with brilliant green eyes. Kaveh turned, glancing back at the marble manifestation of his soul. Would his Muse forgive him? Quietly, he prayed for the statue to turn and stop watching him as Kaveh was led away. The door came to a close, blocking the statue from view as it quietly locked back in place. Kaveh would do anything to see the project to completion. The Palace of Alcazarzaray was nothing compared to the muscular man carved from marble; it didn’t house Kaveh’s hopes, dreams, and passions.
“Alhaitham,” Kaveh whispered quietly as he followed Elias down the hall, “that’s his name.”
In those solid arms, Kaveh laid his fragile heart. It was his only selfish creation, the only dream he had worked to make for himself. Alhaitham was his soul.
Naked skin, pale and unmarked, was stretched across Kaveh’s muscles and bones. Without any blemishes, people said it looked perfect. Kaveh hated it. Pushing it with his thumb, he prodded his collarbone and frowned.
“All wrong – it’s all wrong,” Kaveh sighed as he spoke, whispering in the mirror. He watched the figure in the mirror move, mimicking his actions. The creature (Kaveh refused to acknowledge it as human, and he certainly couldn’t believe that it was a reflection of himself) cocked its head to the side and frowned sadly. Kaveh studied it. If he looked for long enough, would he find something he could appreciate about it – some sort of hidden beauty? That had been his hypothesis for years, but Kaveh had yet to find himself any more happy to look in the mirror than he was when the creature had first stared back at him.
The smell of myrrh pulled Kaveh’s attention from the mirror and he sighed, turning away. From one monster to another, Kaveh guessed that it was just the luck of his life. Hand on the doorknob, Kaveh took a slow breath and tried to brush off the urge to shiver or cover himself. Then, he pushed the door open and closed it behind him.
“Beautiful, come here,” a hand beckoned him forwards. Ahead of him, a large bed covered in plush pillows and satin blankets filled the room. On the window still and tables, candles and incense burned, filling the room with a warm glow and a heavy scent. Elias laid on the bed, naked. His thick fingers were wrapped around his cock and he stroked himself lazily as his eyes devoured every inch of Kaveh’s naked body.
Don’t scream. Don’t scream. Don’t scream.
The mantra in his head kept itself going, spinning like a broken record in Kaveh’s head as his body moved with automatic motions. He had done this enough times to make it easier. After enough practice, the motions had become automatic, and Kaveh only had to focus on keeping himself from screaming in rage or crying from humiliation.
Naked feet quietly crept across the dark wooden floors, Kaveh crawled onto the bed. The mattress sank, quietly groaning as Kaveh straddled the other man’s naked waist and pushed him to lie flat on the bed. Elias grinned, his smile sharp and predatory, “Eager, aren’t we?”
He answered with a soft smile and a quiet gentle voice, “No words, tonight. Let me take care of this.”
Shut up and let me get this over with, you sick fuck. I would bash your head against the wall and let your blood paint this room a better color if I could. Kaveh let the words go unspoken. Instead, he put his body into motion and tried to imagine himself in a better place. Straddling Elias’ he rolled his hips, grinding against the older man’s erection. It pushed eagerly against the cleft of his ass. Two hands planted themselves beside Elias’ head, Kaveh leaned down and captured the rough lips with his own. A tongue, insistent and demanding, pushed against his lips, licking them and demanding them to open as hands reached up to grope Kaveh’s ass.
Oh god.
Stomach churning, Kaveh squeezed his eyes closed and whimpered quietly. He wanted to cry, he wanted to puke and set the entire apartment ablaze with himself inside. He never wanted this life, and the bitter sting of failure hurt as it echoed through his nerves when hands pulled the cheeks of his ass apart. Knuckles kneaded his flesh awkwardly, fingers prodded and poked at his hole.
Kaveh relented.
He opened his mouth, letting the tongue slide into his mouth. The hands removed themselves from Kaveh’s ass, climbing higher to stroke his sides and rub his back. Spit interchanged between, swapping from their tongues as Kaveh tried to disengage from the tongue that scanned through his mouth.
A hand slapped against his ass and the connection broke. Yelping, Kaveh shouted and groaned as the sting of pain made his body jolt. He glanced back, watching as the hand came back down to smack against his skin. Heat flooded through his body as his heart set itself into a furious pace. A mouth took advantage of the distraction and quickly enveloped a shy light pink nipple.
“Wait!” Kaveh shouted, but the words died in his throat with a small guttural shout as teeth brought electric pain from his nerves. Tears threatened to give away Kaveh’s pain and he struggled to fight them back. Teeth rolled the sensitive muscle of Kaveh’s nipple. Biting and licking, the stimulation continued as hands returned to Kaveh’s ass. They pulled the cheeks apart again and fingers pulled, mindlessly teasing the skin of his entrance. “Stop!”
The mouth pulls off his chest, “Don’t argue with me. Shut up and keep being cute –”
With a grunt, Kaveh shudders and whimpers loudly as he’s pushed downwards. The large man’s weight pushes him into the mattress. Creaking under their movements, Kaveh listens to the sound of the bed groaning and protesting their actions. Elias moves closer, he pushes their mouths together again. Their tongues collided. Oxygen becomes sparse as Kaveh gags on the tongue, but he isn’t allowed to breath. His hands reach up, pushing insistently, but the man ignores his request. Instead, a rogue hand finds its way between Kaveh’s legs.
His cock isn’t particularly small or large. It fits in Elias’ hand easily, limp and sporting only a weak erection. Kaveh groans and sobs into the kiss as Elias grips him, the fingers tighten around his length until Kaveh is squeaking and mouthing pleas with the last of his remaining oxygen. The fingers of Kaveh’s left hand dig deep into the larger man’s flesh, forming bright red crescents on the light tan skin, while his other smacks at the large arm beside his head.
I can’t breathe.
With every passing second, Kaveh feels his thoughts become more jumbled. He can’t comfort himself with snarky thoughts or dreams of violence. Instead, he’s forced to let himself feel and hate every single sensation that overtakes him. Kaveh’s lungs heave, weakly struggling to pull air from somewhere as they begin to burn. Every press of hands on his body feels like it’ll be enough to make Kaveh snap. Trapped underneath his landlord, Kaveh squirmed and struggled. When Elias finally released his lips, Kaveh gasps for breath. His eyes go wide, shimmering in the light as he fights back tears. The air filling his chest feels like a taste of bliss.
But, the euphoria of being free to breathe is quick. The hand quickly reaches up. Burying itself in the sweaty locks of Kaveh’s hair, the young sculptor screams as his head is yanked back harshly and teeth bury themselves in the skin on his neck. Kaveh is in pain. Every part of his body hurts and his stomach is clenching in repulsion at the hand dragging itself up and down his member.
Kaveh nearly cries as he feels the phantom pleasure building between his legs and the sight of his erection growing.
“You stupid bitch, you think I don’t know the way you see me. Don’t you dare fucking fight me, I will break your pretty little skull against the wall. I’ve had enough your bratty fucking ass. Don’t fucking fight me or I’ll have your ass thrown onto the streets by tomorrow morning, and I’ll smash your pretty little statues.”
The words thunder through Kaveh’s head as his erection is released. Fear fills his heart and mind, the thought of Elias breaking Alhaitham makes Kaveh scream and reach up, wrapping his arms around Elias neck as he sobbed loudly.
“No! Please! I’ll be good, please don’t –”
The hand in his hair tugs him backwards as Kaveh is kissed. Elias settles himself between Kaveh’s legs and guides his erection to push against Kaveh’s entrance. Pre-cum spreads across the tight ring, Elias rubs the head of his cock against and presses against. The dry push makes Kaveh squeak, but the tears that drip down his face are centered on the fear in his heart.
I can’t let him destroy – I can’t.
The thought moves Kaveh into action. He fights to keep the kiss going and presses his dry entrance down to encourage the other man.
“Tell me you want, tell me you want me to hurt.”
Kaveh doesn’t want to speak. He wants to sink his teeth in the man’s throat and rip the skin open. In his dreams, Kaveh sees himself taking a bat and killing his landlord. He sees himself getting revenge on his ex, who left him on the streets after the Palace of Alcazarzaray had put Kaveh in debt. Kaveh dreams of freeing himself from the people who used him, who broke his heart time and time again.
But, more than this, he dreams of strong arms wrapping around him. He imagines a deep voice, stern and cold, telling him that he’ll be okay and to take a deep breath. Silver hair brushes against Kaveh’s neck as the glittering green eyes stare into Kaveh’s soul. He imagines that the man’s strong arms could easily pick him up and gently guide a large cock inside of him, or hold him while he cries. A heart that beat for Kaveh, a chest that let him lay his head against it, and a partner that wouldn’t use him – Kaveh dreams of someone to fill the gap in his life. He wants someone to give him the love he had been missing ever since his father died, his mother left, and the stress of studies at the Akademiya had stopped giving him a reason to live to the next day.
Alhaitham.
Kaveh thinks of the statue. He closed his eyes and moaned loudly, trying to imagine the mouth on his neck leaving bruises and bite marks that are reddened by faint specs of blood belonging to the man. Alhaitham wasn’t real, but Kaveh dreams of him and tries to force reality to conform. He tries to convince himself that the cock pushing into his dry hole, tearing and forcing him apart, belongs to the imaginary love that Kaveh used to comfort himself.
As the cock moves inside his body, Kaveh lets himself sink to the illusion. Alhaitham’s voice is rough, turning deeper and more gravelly as he grunts praises into the blonde’s ear.
“Good boy, that’s it. You’re doing great, keep it up.”
Kaveh grips his shoulders, the muscles underneath his hands are strong and Kaveh loves it. He loves the feeling of being held by someone who can easily lift him, and protect him from everything – even himself. Alhaitham grabs his wrists, pausing in the heavy thrusts. Kaveh whines desperately, ready to beg the man to continue. But, the turquoise eyes pin him in place and command him to be silent. Kaveh knows better than to argue, he knows that he’s meant to serve and do as he’s told. There’s no room for Kaveh to disagree, but it doesn’t scare him. He trusts Alhaitham.
And Kaveh swoons when his wrist is lifted, Alhaitham presses his lips against and kisses the overworked flesh. He kisses Kaveh’s palm, his fingers, and whispers praises against it as he guides Kaveh’s hand back to his shoulder. Then, the thrusts start again.
Without any other words, Alhaitham pulls himself completely free of Kaveh’s body, which clenches down to try to prevent them from separating.
“Please! Don’t stop, please don’t –”
“Quiet,” Alhaitham chides him, “I’ve got you, Kaveh.”
The sound of his name on Alhaitham’s tongue feels like an arrow through Kaveh’s heart. Tears fill his eyes and he cries, sobbing as he falls forwards and buries his face in Alhaitham’s neck. Vibrations tickle Kaveh’s skin as the other man chuckles, a hand gently rubs his back. “You’re so needy, Kaveh.”
Kaveh doesn’t bother to respond. Alhaitham isn’t telling him to speak, so Kaveh lets himself go limp. Alhaitham picks him up, easily lifting his thin body into the air as he drops him and thrust upwards. Setting a rough pace, Alhaitham uses Kaveh, burying himself deep inside the architect’s body. Over and over again, the cock slams deep into Kaveh and pulls itself free, lighting every single nerve deep inside Kaveh until he feels like he’s going to melt.
“Alhaitham!”
With every thrust, Kaveh cries. He chokes on his words, on tears and pleasure. Spit leaks from the corner of his mouth, but he can’t bring himself to care. Every push and pull of Alhaitham inside him is enough to dislodge Kaveh’s mind from his head. The world disappears, leaving only Alhaitham and him.
It’s perfect.
It’s everything Kaveh could want. He’s safe in Alhaitham’s arms, protected and loved in a way that felt impossible. The rhythm of their bodies builds a heat deep inside of him, Kaveh’s toes curl and his body tightens. His cock is trapped between them, pressed against Alhaitham’s sculpted abs and spreading Kaveh’s fluid over them. As he bounces, pre-cum drips from the angry head of his member as it bounces uselessly. The mere minutes feel like ages, and Kaveh never wants it to end. He begs Alhaitham to never let him go and devours the promises the man feeds him.
When they’re close, Alhaitham bites into Kaveh’s shoulder to get his attention. He’s left thousands of dark marks on Kaveh’s skin, signs of ownership that he’ll demand Kaveh to keep visible. Then, with a hoarse and breathy growl, he commands, “Tell me who you belong to, Kaveh.”
Without hesitation, Kaveh screams and moans, “You! I belong to you – Alhaitham please!”
Everything ends in a blur. Alhaitham’s arms squeeze Kaveh and pull him flush against his chest when Kaveh cums. Semen spills between them, streaking both of their chests. Then, with a growl and a harsh kiss, Alhaitham cums deep inside Kaveh’s body. It’s warm and it fills him until Kaveh’s sexed-out brain thinks his stomach will be noticeably full.
In the afterglow, Kaveh rests against Alhaitham. He listens to the man’s heart beat, counting the pulses absently while a hand cards through his hair. Lips press sweet kisses to his warm skin, and Kaveh feels more love than he ever had in his miserable life since his father died.
He feels like he is whole. After twelve years, Kaveh’s soul is finally pieced back together.
But reality isn’t kind.
Kaveh screams into the mattress as a hand on the back of his neck presses his head down, smothering his face against the sheets. Everything burns. Blood drips down Kaveh’s thighs, and he cries. He sobs and begs, praying that any God that hears him would help him.
He doesn’t need much. Kaveh just wants to feel whole and loved, but, instead, he blacks out as he loses the little oxygen left in his lungs screaming.
Stumbling, Kaveh shuts the door behind him, and slams his back against it. He takes one breath, and then another. His blonde hair is flattened by sweat, every inch of his skin feels dirty, and every muscle in Kaveh’s body is burning. So, he collapses to the floor. Sitting down, he stares at the midnight shadows in his apartment. The window by his bed remains uncovered. Moonlight bathes the room in an ethereal glow, but Kaveh is stuck watching the way Alhaitham’s eyes glow as they catch the light. He stares at his creation, his muse, and his soul. The permanent marble frown cuts into Kaveh’s bone, incinerating him from the inside out. It feels harsh, judgmental and cruel as the eyes stare at him.
Sniffling, Kaveh crawls across the floor towards the statue, bringing himself to kneel near it. He knows its stupid. He created Alhaitham, carving him every night from an ugly slab of stone. But, he kneels before it like a reverential priest nonetheless. Kaveh lays his head against it, letting the tears fall freely from his eyes again. He doesn’t say anything, Kaveh feels like excuses are useless at this point. Instead, he lets his tears wet the stone and trail down the side.
“Please – please just make this end, I can’t keep doing this,” Kaveh isn’t sure who he’s speaking to. Lesser Lord Kusanali was the God of Sumeru, one that Kaveh believed in wholeheartedly and trusted. But, he doesn’t feel like he’s speaking to her. Instead, he mumbles the quiet prayer to someone much older. “Greater Lord Rukkhadevata, please let me go.”
It’s a bad prayer. Still, Kaveh utters it nonetheless. Lesser Lord Kusanli was the symbol of life after death, and the cycle of the world continuing. But Kaveh didn’t want to continue. He leaned against the statue of Alhaitham and quietly begged. If the Goddess could erase herself, bringing a new God into being. Then Kaveh hoped she could erase him too, and leave nothing left.
Quietly, Kaveh cries against the cold rock. Then slowly, after some time, his eyes begin to grow heavier as the world starts to darken. He gives in, even for a mere second, everything goes black and Kaveh can smell the faint scent of Kalpalata Lotus. And when Kaveh hears Alhaitham’s voice calling out to him, telling him coldly to wake up and get off the floor, he doesn’t move. Instead, he settles himself blissfully in the dream and smiles at how real the arms wrapping around him feel.