Chapter Text
Trapper tossed his and Hawkeye’s bags up behind the back seats of the jeep, listening to Radar’s report on the past few days they’d missed back “home.” He jumped up in the back seat, joining Hawkeye, who’d crawled in a few minutes earlier, groaning like a dying man.
“...And they took out some of the slides, and replaced them with rude drawings. Ha! Major Burns almost had a kitten!“ Radar continued to babble, starting the engine. They lurched forward and hung a sharp left onto the main road.
“And here we thought we’d brought all the fun with us to Seoul!” Said Trapper as he patted the corporal on the shoulder fondly.
“You alright, Hawkeye?” Trapper bumped Hawkeye’s thigh once with his fist. Hawkeye rasped something unintelligible in response, and didn’t open his eyes.
Three days and nights of nonstop drinking and other assorted excesses had finally caught up with Hawkeye, who was now in the grips of the wickedest hangover in Korea.
One of his hands was clasped to his stomach, the other bracing him against the door of the Jeep. His face was bloated and ashen and he kept jolting with sudden hiccups. It seemed like he was maybe having trouble breathing. Trapper heard him swallow thickly and groan as he adjusted his hips, wincing.
He put an arm over Hawkeye’s shoulder, jostling him a little on purpose. He was walking a fine line between getting some harmless revenge on his hungover friend and getting a lapful of Hawkeye’s breakfast.
“Be gentle with me, soldier.” Hawkeye attempted to joke, eyes squeezed shut.
Trapper massaged Hawkeye’s neck and shoulder with his strong hand and stared straight ahead at the back of Radar’s hat. This was okay still, right?
He wondered if they were ever gonna talk about what had happened in Seoul.
They were careening down the dirt road that led to Uijeongbu village, when all of a sudden, Radar slammed on the brakes and pulled hard to the right, sending Hawkeye and Trapper hurtling into the back of the jeep’s front seats.
“What is it, Radar?!” Trapper cried out in alarm. He ducked behind the seat he’d just bounced off of, and put a hand on Hawkeye, who was doing the same.
Turns out, a couple of geese had been trying to cross the road. Radar had swerved to avoid hitting them, nearly sending the jeep flying off the side of the embankment and into a ravine. The charging jeep had startled the geese back off the road, and they were honking and hissing angrily in the grass.
Observing that their cause of death had nearly been geese, Hawkeye snatched Radar by the collar and shook him violently against the headrest. The force of the assault made Radar’s glasses fall off into his lap.
“Radar, you fucking idiot, would you please drive like you value our lives?” Hawkeye snapped furiously, right in Radar’s ear. His voice was abnormally high. After he spoke, the sound of his heavy breathing was the only human noise that broke the stunned silence. Birds chirped, and water flowed down in the ravine they’d nearly ended up in.
“Gee… I-I’m really sorry, sir,” apologized Radar, after a few moments, eyes wide as saucers. Hawkeye’s fingers were still digging sharply into his shoulders.
“Throttle down, Hawk. Come on.” Trapper replaced his steadying hand on Hawkeye’s shoulder. The back of his shirt was soaked through with sweat. Hawkeye finally released his grip on the kid. He sat back down and put his head in his hands.
They were all silent for another long moment. What the hell, Hawkeye?
Trapper wiped his wet hand on his pants.
“Um, Captain Pierce..?” Began Radar.
“Just… don’t talk to me, Radar. Neither of you talk to me.”
Trapper and Radar exchanged looks. Trapper saw the confusion in his eyes: what was the matter with Hawkeye? Had something happened in Seoul? They drove the rest of the way in silence.
They pulled into camp, just beyond the mess tent.
“Oh, thank goodness,” Radar sighed, “We didn’t miss lunch!”
Hawkeye clamped a hand over his mouth with a gagging sound and swung the door of the Jeep open, almost striking Colonel Henry Blake.
“Had a good time in Seoul, did we?” Henry grinned, clapping Hawkeye on the back as he retched onto the dirt.