Chapter Text
Izuku fiddles with his useless phone the whole drive over, like it will turn back on if he tilts it just right. He should’ve asked Kaminari to charge it at some point, but he’s still finding it hard to ask for things from people that aren’t Hizashi or Aizawa. Even now, sitting in the passenger seat of the police car next to a detective he’s met only once before, he can’t find his voice. He wants to ask when they’ll be there, if Aizawa is there already, why the detective didn’t seem to want anyone to know where Izuku was going.
But his voice is lost in the tight grip of a memory around his throat. Izuku isn’t allowed to ask questions.
He disappears for just a moment inside his head. He’s a little disoriented by the time they pull up to the Hero Commission’s Building, but the jarring sound of the car door being shut has him on high alert. The moment he steps out of the car, he can’t help but look up and down the front steps, at the people entering and exiting the building. He’s looking for bright red wings, but he doesn’t see them.
“Ready?” The detective asks, walking around the car to guide Izuku up the steps. Izuku knows his answer won’t have any impact on the outcome, so he glances down and doesn’t respond. He hears the detective sigh and follows his long steps up to the front door.
There’s someone waiting for them at the front door. He was in Izuku’s first interview with Tsukauchi – The Commission man that made Aizawa so angry. He had introduced himself as Umehara - Izuku remembers those same sharp eyes that had tried their best to open Izuku up the last time he’d seen them.
“Detective.” The man nods his head and glances down at Izuku, who looks away.
Izuku doesn’t like this. Aizawa didn’t like this man. Izuku is pretty sure he didn’t really like Detective Kim, either. Did Aizawa really agree to this?
“Hey, kid. Good to see you again. You’re looking much better.” The man offers, opening the door for both the detective and Izuku to walk through.
Izuku doesn’t answer. He doesn’t want to talk. Maybe they’ll get the hint if he stays quiet.
Izuku’s silence doesn’t seem to bother either of them, however. They catch up, Izuku can make out small talk exchanged in quiet voices as they make their way through the lobby of the Hero Commission. Izuku reaches for his feather, but is reminded again that he forgot it at home. He swallows hard upon realizing his lucky items aren’t with him today.
The elevator ride is quiet. It’s just the three of them, and Izuku tries to make himself as small as possible in the corner. He catches the detective glancing over at him with a sympathetic expression, but no one says anything.
Izuku really hopes Aizawa is here already. He’s starting to panic, for real this time. He thought he’d panicked before – That’s what Shinso had called it, right? A panic attack? But this was different. This was a fear that was steadily dripping like an IV into his veins. A chill rolls through his body, and he hugs himself tighter. He really wishes Hizashi could hold him, right now. Why had Izuku been so stubborn lately? He should’ve taken every opportunity, every selfless gesture the hero had offered to make him feel better.
“This is the floor.” Umehara announces, and Izuku’s stomach jolts with the elevator.
“Do you want anything to eat or drink, Midoriya?” Detective Kim offers. Izuku shakes his head, and the man nods agreeably.
Izuku finally finds his voice once he glances around the large space that appears to be some kind of waiting area outside rows of closed doors and conference rooms. Once he doesn’t spot Hawks, or Aizawa.
“I-Is Aizawa-Sensei here y-yet?” He manages. The detective and Umehara share a look, but neither answer him.
That’s all the confirmation Izuku needs. Izuku fell right into a trap, lured by the false promise of not just one, but two heroes he felt safe with being here with him.
Had he forgotten the unwritten rules of the Underground so easily? Never go to a second location with someone you wouldn’t be alone with. Never trust those in a position of power.
Never wait for the heroes to save you.
“Midoriya?” A hand finds its way to Izuku’s shoulder in a gesture that’s meant to be friendly, to get his attention. Izuku flinches anyways, and Detective Kim retracts his hand.
“Can I – C-Can I go to the bathroom, first?”
The two men share another look before shaking their heads in tandem.
“This won’t take long.” The detective assures him.
Izuku’s stomach rolls, but he nods. There isn’t any way he’s getting out of this. He’ll just follow them, listen to their questions, and hopefully they’ll become so frustrated by his silence that they’ll just let him go.
They arrive at one of the smaller rooms, one large window cut out of it instead of several smaller ones. Izuku can’t quite see through it at his angle, but he cranes his head enough to see a small conference table with a few chairs. It looks like someone else is in there waiting, but he can’t make out anything about them.
The commissioner goes in first, opening the door and allowing a blast of cold AC to drag Izuku back into the past.
“T-Tengai…?” Deku keeps his eyes down, but he can make out the outline of the older man in his peripheral.
Chisaki has been gone for a few days now, and the Barrier User has been tasked with keeping Deku safe in his absence. The villain hasn’t let Deku out of his sight for a moment – not even to use the bathroom. So he has to know that Deku is freezing in the thin pants and thinner shirt Chisaki keeps him in.
“Yes?” Tengai looks up from his work, glasses falling down his nose that isn’t currently covered by his plague mask.
“D-Do you think – C-Can I have something else to w-wear? I’m cold.”
Deku tries to make himself sound as pathetic as possible, and it isn’t difficult. His teeth chattering have nothing to do with his stutter and everything to do with being underground in the middle of winter. The baby fat Deku had held onto up until middle school has disappeared as well – far too quickly for Deku not to feel the repercussions.
“No.”
Tengai never raises his voice, but his tone leaves no room for argument. And Deku has learned by now not to challenge anyone in the Shie Hassaika – ever. Deku shouldn’t even be talking to Tengai, but the way even his bones are freezing has him desperate for comfort and relief.
“…P-Please? If I get s-sick, Chisaki would be upset.” Deku points out, and Tengai sees right through him with a shrewd raise of a brow.
“Then don’t get sick.”
Deku frowns, wraps his arms tighter around himself. He doesn’t bother saying anything else, just leans back in the only other chair in the small study and tries to make himself as small as possible.
The study is small, at least, and the one door is closed. It makes the room feel a little warmer than the rest of the place. While Tengai works, Deku tries to drift, but is too uncomfortable to manage more than a few moments of sleep before another shiver wracks through his underfed body.
He isn’t sure how long they sit there, but at some point Tengai huffs out a sigh and sits up. He takes off his glasses, analyzing Deku as if they’ve never met.
“You want my coat?” He offers. Deku blinks, surprised, before nodding enthusiastically. Maybe Tengai felt bad enough watching him shake that he was willing to help. He always has been the nicest one, Deku knows.
Tengai hums, but doesn’t say anything for a long moment. Deku wonders if he’s just playing with him, if he’s about to laugh and walk away, taking back his offer.
But then the villain shrugs off his coat, holds it just out of reach. Deku’s eyes widen and he stands quickly, closing the distance between them and reaching out for the warm material. Tengai jerks it back at the last moment and Deku’s fingers brush through empty air.
Tengai narrows his eyes, gaze lingering over Deku’s mouth.
“How bad do you want it?”
“After you, kid.” Detective Kim urges from behind him.
Izuku starts, holds on a little tighter to his bag. He wants his capture scarf, but he’s afraid one of them would take it from him if he drags it out. So he tries his best to swallow his nerves, schools his expression into one of a practiced indifference he hasn’t needed since he last saw Chisaki, and follows the commissioner into the room.
Only to stop, frozen, not by the too-cold air, but by a ghost.
Because that’s what this is, isn’t it? Deku has finally broken. That’s the only explanation he can come up with for why Shin Nemoto is sitting comfortably next to the commissioner.
“Come on, Midoriya.” The detective grunts, pushing Deku the rest of the way into the room and locking the door behind him.
That’s as far as Deku goes, however. He steps forward enough for the detective to get by before he’s backing up as far as he can in this small space he’s been trapped in.
“Come on Deku, don’t be like that.” Shin admonishes, like no time at all has passed since he last chastised Deku for something or other.
“I thought you’d miss having a familiar face around.” The corner of Shin’s mouth twitches, like he’s thinking of a smirk, and his bright blue eyes shine that much lighter.
The last time Deku had seen those eyes, they’d been trained on Eraserhead. They’d held a vicious fury as they’d guided his aim, creating a path for his blade to follow before ending up sticking out of Deku’s side. His scarred hands hold his side instinctively, protecting it even now, and Shin doesn’t miss the movement.
Before Shin can speak on it, the detective has his hands on Deku again. Kim guides him forward by his shoulder, directing him to a chair across from Shin and the commissioner. Deku lets himself be herded forwards, instincts that hadn’t been buried long enough for even weeds to grow out of them are clawing up through the fresh soil. Just do what they want. It won’t hurt as much if you cooperate. Don’t speak unless spoken to. No one is coming, so do the best you can by yourself.
Don’t let anyone touch you, or Chisaki will be angry.
Deku remembers this commandment too late, the detective’s grip on his shoulder a burning reminder that he’s already failed one of the rules. The most important one.
Chisaki is going to be furious.
“Midoriya? You with us?” The detective asks, his tone surprisingly gentle for a kidnapper.
“Midoriya?” Shin scoffs, the first hint of amusement gracing features that have been hardened and uglied by years underground.
“That’s his name, so that’s what we call him.” The detective answers, his tone sharpened and aimed at the villain Deku now realizes is sitting mere feet from him. They’re separated by nothing but an expensive wooden desk.
Deku stands all at once, realization hitting him hard. He isn’t underground. Chisaki isn’t going to be furious, because Chisaki isn’t here.
Deku doesn’t have to be here either.
“Midoriya, sit down.” The commissioner’s tone is harsh, but nothing compared to the sting of Chisaki’s. It rolls off of Deku and fades away.
“N-No. I – I want to go h-home. I – I w-want-”
“Your home is buried underground, underneath hundreds of tons of rubble.” Shin reminds him, bitterly. Deku shakes his head.
“Midoriya, the sooner you answer our questions the sooner we can take you home. Okay?” The detective tries, standing up and next to Deku. Too close.
“D-Did Aizawa-Sensei agree to this? H-He’s my g-g-guardian, you can’t -“
“You came here willingly, Midoriya. Now sit down and help us with this damned investigation so we can all get a move on with it.” The commissioner snaps, and Deku’s eyes widen in shock.
“I don’t… I don’t want to. I won’t.” Deku says, some strength that had evaporated upon seeing Shin slowly making its way back into his bones.
The commissioner sighs, leaning into Shin’s side and whispering something that Deku can’t make out. Shin nods, and the Commissioner gives a knowing look to the detective who lets out his own regretful sigh.
Before Deku can so much as blink, he’s sat back down in the chair. The detective has a tight grip on the back of his neck while his other hand has Deku’s own cuffed to the chair in a matter of seconds.
Deku can’t breathe.
The cold metal armrest bites into Deku’s already broken and blistered skin, marking it Chisaki’s favorite shade of red.
“I thought we were d-done with the t-t-tests?” Deku panics as he’s strapped into the unassuming piece of furniture.
Chisaki frowns while the doctor attaches various instruments meant to read and record Deku’s vitals throughout the process.
“We were. I’ll make it up to you.” Chisaki promises, tucking a green curl behind Deku’s ear.
Deku knows the only reason Chisaki is remorseful is because that means Deku won’t speak to him for the rest of the day and night. He hates when Deku isn’t cooperative, but he hates when he shuts him out even more.
Once Deku had realized this, he used this knowledge any way he could.
“B-But Chisaki, you promised!” Deku feels his eyes fill with panicked tears. It’s been weeks since he’s been in this chair and his body has just started to forget the feel of it.
No matter how Deku’s limbs were twisted, torn and broken – The damned chair stayed the same. Solid, unmoving, unforgiving.
Just like Chisaki.
“W-What? N-No just – J-Just let me go, please, I just want to go h-home.” Deku panics, struggles to remember where he is. Fights to remember when he is.
“Then answer our questions, Midoriya. That’s all we want. Okay?” The detective runs a hand soothingly through Deku’s sweaty curls, and Deku nearly looses his stomach at the sensation.
The villain unclips his plague mask and sets it gently on the ground. He tries when he reaches his hand out and brushes Deku’s cheek, pushes him down by his shoulders and ruffles his hair. All while keeping a steady rhythm – in and out, in and out. Large palms stroke through Deku’s hair, an imitation of comfort.
“I – I can’t-”
“If you can’t answer our questions, then Confession will help you.” The commissioner tells him, quiet but stern in his decision.
“He… what?” Deku looks to the detective by his side, slowly realizing what exactly Shin is doing here in the first place.
“That’s not what we want,” Kim assures him, “But it’s up to you to decide whether or not it’s necessary.”
Deku’s eyes burn with unshed tears. He won’t cry in front of Shin. He won’t.
“Why?” Deku looks to him now, to Chisaki’s most trusted bullet that’s sitting at ease in an interrogation room.
Shin shrugs, though he looks somewhat chagrined by the question.
“I’m not getting out anytime soon, thanks to you,” He answers with a sneer, “Might as well make my stay more comfortable.”
“Confession has agreed to assist us in your interrogation, in exchange for a few perks and comforts during his incarceration at Tartarus.”
“Y-You… He will kill you if he finds out.” Deku tells him, warns him. Shin rolls his eyes.
“How? He can’t walk, won’t talk, is unable to do anything without assistance. Besides, it’s not like I’m going to be the one confessing.” Shin explains while Deku frowns, not understanding. He doesn’t notice that Shin has leaned in too close until he speaks again, startling Deku.
“If there’s anyone he’s coming for, it’s you.”
Deku feels the truth in Shin’s statement like he feels his own heartbeat. Is that why he’s been unable to say his name aloud? Because he knows it’s just a matter of time, of opportunity before Deku wakes up underground again?
“That’s enough. Midoriya, will you cooperate?” The commissioner asks, leaning over and adjusting a camera that Deku hadn’t noticed.
“Y-You’re filming this?” Deku’s anxiety bubbles in his chest.
“Of course. This is an official interrogation pertaining to the Shie Hassaika investigation. It’ll be evidence.”
Deku swallows thickly, unable to tear his gaze away from the lens facing him. It feels too familiar, being strapped to a chair with a bullet on the other side of him, a camera documenting each and every failure to unlock the secrets Chisaki needed to rebuild society.
“We’ll start off easy, okay kid?” The detective assures him, but Deku only feels a desperate need to get out.
“Right. Midoriya Izuku. How long were you kept by the Shie Hassaika?” The commissioner begins.
Deku flinches at the formality of it. They already know the answer to this – Deku told them last time that he met Chisaki on his birthday. So he tells them again.
“One thousand, two hundred and thirty days.” Deku whispers, but with how close the camera is sitting he’s sure it picked up his answer.
“Thank you. For what reason were you taken?”
They know this answer too. Deku answers anyways.
“Quirkless.”
“Right. You mentioned before, they did tests on you. But you also mentioned they finished those tests at some point. How much time would you say passed between the completion of their procedures and the raid?”
Deku shakes his head, thinking. He… He isn’t sure. A long time, probably.
“How long is a long time?” Umehara asks, jolting Deku out of his mumbling before he could even really get started.
“I… I don’t know.” He answers, truthfully. What was it Dr. Marina had said about time? That it worked differently for some people if they didn’t feel safe.
Deku certainly didn’t feel safe right now. And he had no idea how long he’d been gone from UA. He’d spaced out too many times to even guess, but he hoped enough time had passed that someone noticed he was missing by now. Surely Neito would have noticed, right?
“You said these tests involved lab work, machines, and Overhaul’s quirk. But you couldn’t tell us anything more than that the last time we spoke. Are you ready to share, now?”
Deku looks up, confused.
“I don’t… I don’t know anything more. They didn’t tell me what they were doing.”
Umehara quirks a disbelieving eyebrow before asking, “And you really never got curious?”
Deku shakes his head. He wasn’t curious – He wasn’t anything back then. He wasn’t anything except feeling and sensation – pain and fear, pleasure and self hatred.
“All right then,” Umehara leans back and takes a sip of his drink before tilting his chair back on all fours, “Kim, your turn.”
Deku looks curiously to his left where the detective is sitting, looking only slightly uncomfortable.
“Right. Midoriya, Mr. Umehara is here on behalf of the Commission to gather information on Chisaki’s tests and his interest in quirks. I’m here on behalf of law enforcement to gather information for the investigation. So our questions may be a little different.” He explains, and Deku starts to grow anxious again. The cuff around his wrist is heavy.
“So let’s start with the day of the raid. What were you doing in Eraserhead’s holding cell?” The detective asks, opening a spiral notebook.
Deku blinks, confused. Didn’t they already know everything about the raid? Why were they asking him?
“Midoriya?” The detective asks, and Deku shakes his head. He’s already answered questions. He doesn’t want to answer anymore.
“Midoriya, it’s a simple question.” Umehara chimes in, earning a glare from the detective.
After a few more moments of silence, the detective sighs. He meets Shin’s curious gaze and nods.
Shin sits up a little straighter, and even though he’s looking anywhere but straight ahead, Deku can feel his eyes on him when he asks,
“What were you doing in Eraserhead’s holding cell the day of the raid?”
Deku opens and closes his mouth, fighting against an impossible force he hasn’t felt in a long time. It doesn’t take long before the answer is tugged out of him.
“I wanted to help him.”
“Help him how?” The detective follows up. Deku inhales, shaky with a breath that feels like it could be just as easily stolen by the familiar villain in front of him. He doesn’t give Shin a chance to use his quirk.
“Escape.”
“Why?”
Deku closes his eyes, looks anywhere but the camera.
“I knew what they wanted to do to him. I couldn’t… H-He’s a hero. He didn’t… deserve that.”
“And what did they want to do to him?” Umehara speaks up again. Deku pinches his lips together and shakes his head. Shin doesn’t wait to be given permission this time.
“What did Overhaul want with Eraserhead, Deku?”
“T-To. To. To study his q-quirk. Like me.” The answer tumbles out of Deku with a little less grace, he fought a little harder to keep this secret and it shows.
“I see. So you gave him the codes and the way out so that he wouldn’t have to endure that?” Kim asks. Deku nods, confused as to what other reason he could have.
“How did you know that’s what they wanted with him?” Umehara asks. Deku shrugs, but that isn’t good enough.
“How did you know what we wanted with Eraserhead?”
“Ch-Chisaki told me. Told me he wanted him. When I found out he was captured, I had to help him.”
“And why not help yourself? Surely Overhaul would have been distracted with Eraserhead. Seems like a perfect opportunity to use the codes for yourself.” Kim wonders. Deku shakes his head.
“I w-wouldn’t have left him like that.” He answers without prompting from Shin this time.
“You had no problem leaving Overhaul.” Shin interrupts anyways, glaring daggers.
“This isn’t your interrogation.” Kim admonishes, and Shin rolls his eyes. He mutters something under his breath that sounds like, isn’t it?
Umehara clears his throat, effectively catching everyone’s attention.
“Before this goes much further, I’d like to make sure The Commission’s interest is satisfied. We really only have one thing we’d like, Midoriya, and it’ll likely save you from having to answer too many more questions on our end. I imagine the same applies for the detective.”
Detective Kim nods in agreement, and Deku isn’t sure what this one thing is, but he knows he doesn’t want to give it to them.
“I know you’re aware that Chisaki kept meticulous records of everything the Shie Hassaika did. Every movement, every order, every kill and cleanup. He was incredibly organized and thoughtful – Has every detail of his organization documented down to the brand of his favorite fucking chips.” Umehara sighs, and Deku has a feeling he knows where this is going.
“I don’t –“ He tries to get ahead of it, but Umehara only paused for a breath.
“The only thing he doesn’t have record of, is the thing he seemingly valued most. You.” Umehara’s small eyes bore into him, and Deku feels sweat gather at the base of his neck.
“He has his own private server for you. Password protected, and far more secure than the main one.” Umehara takes a sip of water. He doesn’t even bother asking Deku before he turns to Shin.
“Ask him what the password is.”
Shin’s brow quirks, seemingly taking this information in for the first time. It’s surprising to Deku – he figured Chisaki told the man everything.
“What’s the password for Chisaki’s private server?”
Deku feels the villain’s quirk before he registers the words. It’s pressure building, higher and higher in his chest until he feels like he’ll explode with the weight of the answer.
“Midoriya, this could really solve a lot of our questions. It would help the investigation and The Commission if we know the outcome of all of those tests. It could have a real impact on society.” Detective Kim tries, gently, as Deku tries and fails to resist the pull of the quirk.
It’s not that Deku doesn’t want to help. He does. It’s just – He knows what exactly is on that server.
And Umehara is correct. Chisaki documented everything.
“Deku. Tell us the password to Chisaki’s private server.”
The answer leaves him along with his breath,
"Green and red. 0715. Infinity."
Chisaki’s favorite toy. Chisaki’s favorite color. Their anniversary.
Forever.
Deku isn’t sure how much time passes between his answer and their ability to confirm it. Detective Kim is on the phone – Deku can hear the conversation but it’s as if it’s coming from underwater.
Aizawa is going to see this recording. Will Aizawa see those recordings, too?
“Midoriya, there’s just a few more questions about the raid we’d like answered for clarification.” Kim states, bringing Deku back. And Deku really didn’t want to cry in front of Shin, but his cheeks are wet and he must have already.
“Let’s see…” Kim runs through a handful of pages of his notebook before settling on the one he was looking for.
What more do they want from him?
“After giving him the codes, you told Eraserhead you’d keep Tengai Hekiji distracted in order for him to escape. How did you do that?”
His legs are numb from the hard floor he’s kneeling on, but the rest of him is unfortunately very much awake. His chest is tight and his throat is burning. His jaw is sore and his cheeks are red and puffy from crying. He wipes the corner of his mouth, careful not to spill.
For some reason, Tengai is the one out of breath.
“Midoriya?”
“No.” Deku whispers, shaking his head.
“Mid-”
“No. No, I’m – I’m not answering that. Please.”
Kim looks startled at his insistence, that he’s begging for another question.
“Midoriya, please answer the question.”
Deku shakes his head, eyes and lungs burning in equal measure. He just wants to go home.
“How did you distract Tengai the day of the raid?”
The quirk burns in its intensity and it’s pushing on Deku so heavily he feels lightheaded from the effort to stop it.
“I… I made a d-deal.”
“What kind of deal?” Kim asks before Shin has the chance to.
Aizawa is going to watch this. Aizawa can’t know.
“P-Please. I w-w-want my dad.” Deku finally breaks, warm tears filling the gaps that have resurfaced in the space of an afternoon. And he doesn’t even know who he’s referring to – Aizawa or Hizashi – he just wants them.
“Your dad?” Shin wonders, confused, while Kim gives him a look bordering on pity.
“P-Please. I want to go h-home. I want my dad – my dads, please-”
“What deal did you make with Tengai in order to allow Eraserhead’s escape?”
Deku sucks in a gasp, but even he can’t hold his breath forever against the pressure of Shin’s quirk.
“I… I told him… I – Please –“
“Tell us, Deku.”
Aizawa can’t know, Aizawa can’t know, Aizawa can’t know.
“I t-told him I’d be good for him. That I’d – I’d let him use my mouth, if we made it quick before Chisaki came b-back.”
Shin’s brows fly up his head, and there’s a heavy silence in the room as the three adults exchange similar glances.
“You blew Tengai to buy time for that damn hero to escape?” Shin asks, not using his quirk this time. Deku doesn’t answer, doesn’t have to, but his sobbing is growing louder and appears enough of an answer.
“How often did you get on your knees to get what you wanted?” Shin asks, sneering.
“N-Not a lot.”
“But sometimes?” Kim asks, writing furiously in his notebook. Deku doesn’t answer. Shin makes him.
“Did you let him fuck you? Did Chisaki know?”
“No! And no, of course not, he-”
“Would’ve killed him. Maybe you, too. Huh…” Shin trails off, clearly caught off guard by the revelation that Chisaki’s men weren’t quite as loyal as he thought they were.
“Who was better?” Shin asks, cruel now that he has something he knows he can hurt Deku with.
“W-What?” Deku questions, not understanding the question.
“Shin, that’s enough.” Kim snaps, but the villain’s quirk is already vibrating between them.
“Who was the better fuck – Tengai or Chisaki?”
“Chisaki.” Deku answers without hesitating, only to clap his free hand over his mouth, horrified. He feels his eyes widen, his stomach rolls.
“Enough – Shin, if you can’t behave then our end of the deal is forfeit. Understood?” Kim all but yells, startling Deku into a fresh wave of tears.
“E-Enough. I – P-Please I can’t – I can’t answer any more. Please let me see my dads.” Deku cries, failing to keep his eyes from blurring. He tugs on the cuffs uselessly, still stuck in the chair.
He just wants to see them one more time before they find out he’s not the hero they think he is.
“That’s - Okay. Midoriya. Just answer one more question for us and we’ll take you back, okay?” Kim tries to comfort him, but Deku doesn’t feel it.
“N-No more questions, I don’t – I want to go home.”
“Just one more, okay? How did you get the codes? The codes you gave to Eraserhead.”
Deku wakes from a nap in their bedroom, head fuzzy and disoriented. Chisaki let him stay in bed today – A rare reward. But something woke him up, pulling him abruptly out of a nice, dreamless sleep.
A scream rips through the Shie Hassaika – the pitch rising higher until it breaks entirely. Deku’s intuition is itching – Something is wrong.
Deku’s eyes close tight together, and whatever hold he’d tried to keep over himself finally breaks. He won’t answer this one. He won’t. He can’t.
“Midoriya, how did you manage to get the codes you gave to Eraserhead?”
“Chisaki?” Deku mumbles sleepily, reaching for the man’s gloved hand after stumbling around to find him. Deku isn’t sure what’s happening, but it isn’t anything he’s heard before. He’s scared.
Deku doesn’t answer. He doesn’t care how strong Shin’s quirk is – he’ll take this secret to his grave.
“I’ll admit, I’m curious too…” Shin’s curious eyes trail across Deku’s pale, sickly expression of a sudden determination he’s seemingly pulled out of a sheer desperation to keep his secret.
“How did you get the codes, Deku?”
The force of the quirk slams into him, opening his mouth for him. It takes everything to struggle against it, almost as if he’s fighting for a breath that will never come. His lungs, his eyes, Deku’s everything feels like it’s burning up with the need to submit, answer, give in.
“Deku… Tell us how you got the codes.”
This time Deku’s breath really is stolen, it leaves his lungs in a puff of air. But it doesn’t matter. If there’s any part of Aizawa that will want to keep him after today, it’ll be erased after hearing how Deku… How he…
Deku opens his mouth wider, and everyone is on the edge of their seat waiting for his answer when he sticks out his tongue.
Shin’s quirk requires a verbal response. Confession won’t work on him if he can’t talk.
Everyone realizes too late, shouts just beginning to form when Deku’s jaws snap shut. But he doesn’t taste blood, doesn’t feel the pain he was prepared to suffer. Because just before he could bite his tongue, he’s started choking on… feathers?
Deku’s entire body spins, his chair screeches across the wood floor as he’s drug back and away from his captors. He lurches forward, spitting out bright red feathers, and tries to reorient himself. He’s still in the chair, the cuff is still attached to his arm, but he can’t see anything beyond broad shoulders and an enormous wingspan.
“Asset!” Umehara stands – Deku hears him fluster and it sounds like the detective does the same.
“We’re in the middle of an inte-”
“Hawks.” Deku’s whimper sounds pitiful even to his own ears, and it just barely stops the number three hero from completely leveling the entire building.
Hawks’ head whips around, fast, and his eyes sear into Deku’s.
Deku has only ever seen Hawks laughing, joking around when he probably shouldn’t. Deku has seen pity on the hero’s face, even though Hawks does a good job trying to mask it. He’s felt warm hands hold Deku tight against his body, the hero’s own breathing doing the impossible and lulling Deku to sleep. He’s felt the rush and the sheer joy that comes from flying with the hero, but…
He’s never seen what makes Hawks the Number Three.
Bright golden eyes have darkened, turned molten in fury and fear. Fury with the adults in the room. Fear for Deku.
“Asset. This is an official interrogation. You’ll leave now, or you’ll be-”
“Are you hurt.”
Hawks cuts off Umehara, he’s looking over Deku like he can see right through him. Deku notes how the hero’s hands are shaking. His feathers don’t look very soft what with how razor sharp they are. His goggles have been pushed up on top of his head, and though his face is leaned towards Deku, his body is still angled and poised to fight anyone that tries to come between them.
Deku doesn’t answer – He couldn’t even if he wanted to. His body is exhausted after trying to fight Confession, and his mind won’t let him settle on one train of thought.
“He’s fine. We didn’t touch the kid.” Umehara answers for him, and Hawks all but snarls, whipping his head around and stepping closer towards the people responsible.
“The fuck do you think you’re doing, kidnapping a fucking child?”
“Asset – Watch your mouth. We are-”
“You should know – this is a fucking crime. Anything he may have told you is useless! The fuck is the point of all of this?!” Hawks takes another step closer to Shin and another step farther from Deku.
Deku doesn’t remember making a noise, but he must have. Hawks turns to look at him again and this time he notices the cuff around his wrist.
The hero stalks forward, not noticing how Deku flinches back when he gets too close. He doesn’t notice Deku’s desperate attempt to put some space between Hawks and himself, even when he has nowhere to go. Even when Hawks rips the cuffs from the chair, golden hands brushing a pale wrist in the process, he doesn’t notice the pitiful whine that escapes from Deku’s throat.
Everything is too much. He’s felt too many hands this afternoon – Too many bodies have made themselves at home inside of Deku this afternoon.
Hawks turns back around, likely to yell some more, but Deku doesn’t stick around to hear it. The moment Hawks has moved away, Deku bolts out of the room with his bag still slung around his shoulders.
He hears someone cry out after him, but he doesn’t stop. He isn’t sure he’s ever moved this fast – He just knows he needs to get away, safe, alone, now.
He pushes open the first door he sees that ends up leading to a balcony. He breathes in the fresh air and collapses to his knees, lungs feeling like they’re on fire with how he’s beginning to hyperventilate again. But he needs this – He needs to breathe. This air is warm and smells like Musutafu – It doesn’t smell like damp underground or unwashed –
“Izuku!”
Hawks bursts through the same door and Deku backs up as far away as he can in the confined space. His back hits the stone ledge and rips a small hole through his shirt.
“Izuku – Hey, kid, I need you to breathe, okay?” Hawks eyes are wide – he’s still afraid. And Deku can only imagine what he looks like right now for him to scare the hero.
He wonders if he can see the bitter liquid that didn’t quite make it to his stomach, that has stained his lips and his freckles too many times to ever really wash away. He wonders if he can see the bright red handprint Chisaki left on his upper arm, or if he can see the way he’s been shaped over time to accept Chisaki whenever the villain decides.
“Izuku – Deep breaths kid, okay? Let’s – Shit.”
Hawks turns at the sound of the door opening. Umehara and a few other security guards are cramped out on the balcony, and they’re all looking at Deku.
Hawks grabs him and tugs him close to his chest, startling Deku into speaking again.
“N-No – No don’t – Don’t t-touch me, pl-”
Deku tries in vain to get away, to push against a broad chest that’s been his personal pillow more than once. But Deku isn’t one hundred percent sure where he even is and it’s making it harder to keep himself grounded when all he feels is another person.
“I know, I know I’m sorry – Just hold on.” Hawks apologizes, his voice breaking as they leap over the ledge.
Deku’s stomach spins at the sudden movement and he finds himself undoing all of his hard work and instead gripping on tighter to the body holding him up. He can hear Umehara shouting as they fly further away, faster and faster – much faster than the last time they flew.
Before he can ask Hawks to slow down, they’re landing – hard. Hawks doesn’t let him fall, but Deku can feel the hero brace as he holds him up. And the moment Deku has reoriented himself, he’s fleeing.
“Izuku!”
Hawks calls after him but Deku needs to get away, safe, alone. He trips through the apartment, stumbling once before catching himself on a doorframe and slamming the bathroom door shut behind him, locking it from the inside.
Deku backs up, stomach still rolling, and his legs hit the bathtub. He falls back, catching himself on the tile wall before falling to his knees and finally emptying his stomach.
“Izuku?! Izuku, can you open the door kid?!”
Hawks can surely hear Deku ruining his bathroom, but he keeps up a steady stream of questions anyways.
“Are you okay?! Izuku, can you answer me? Did they hurt you, kid?”
Even after Deku has thrown up everything he can, his stomach heaves. His arms are shaking from where they’re holding him up, and his stomach is tight and uncomfortable where it’s been clenching around nothing at all.
It’s too much.
Deku thought these people were supposed to help him. That’s what Aizawa said, right? And Hawks? And Hizashi? The police and the good adults were people he could go to if he felt uncomfortable. What was he supposed to do when the adults that were supposed to protect him were the ones that hurt him? Again?
It’s too much.
“I have Aizawa on the phone, okay? He’s on his way kid, just a few minutes!” Hawks is starting to sound panicked again, but it’s nothing compared to the brutal stab of fear and shame that twists itself somewhere between Deku’s heart and his lungs.
Aizawa is going to know. Aizawa is going to know everything, which means Hizashi will know everything. Which means…
It’s too much
“N-No! No, no – Not – I don’t want to see him!” Deku cries.
Deku doesn’t want to see him, because it’ll likely be the last time he sees him.
“Yamada is on his way too, okay? Just –“
“No! No, no, no, no…” Deku’s cries break off into incoherent mumbling. He doesn’t want either of them to see him like this. He doesn’t want them to see who he really is – who he wasn’t strong enough to fight.
Chisaki won that fight the first time a gloved hand slipped underneath faded All-Might boxers.
“It’s okay, Izu – they’re both going to be here, okay? Aizawa is almost here just hold on. Can I come in?”
Deku can’t breathe. He can’t breathe, he can’t see through the blinding headache that’s come out of nowhere – But he can feel the vomit on his clothes and his hands, and he can feel larger hands running through his hair. And he can taste Chisaki.
It’s too much
Deku stumbles out of the bathtub and wrenches open the medicine cabinet, looking for something to wash the taste out of his mouth. There’s nothing there, and he pulls his hair in frustration when he slams the cabinet shut so hard that one of the bottles falls out, rolling into the sink.
His scarred hands reach out to put it back, but he feels how heavy the full bottle is and he can hear the small pills rattle against the plastic.
And it feels like the moment before he took a step off of Aldera. It feels like the blade in the dark that he stole from Deidoro.
It’s too much
He thinks Hawks is still talking to him, but he isn’t sure. Everything in him is focused on the small orange bottle in his hands.
Deku leans against the bathroom wall, sliding down and shrugging off his backpack to toss it aside. One of the zippers must have broken when he fell, and he’s able to see a small piece of cloth peeking out from inside.
Deku shivers from the cold. The hospital is warmer than Underground, especially when Present Mic sits with him, but the turn in conversation has Deku struggling to remember where he is.
“Can you tell me about the Shie Hassaika?”
The detective – the nice one – waits patiently. But Deku doesn’t know how to answer the question.
“Cold.”
“It… Was cold? Or you’re cold now?”
Deku shivers and answers, “Both”.
There’s a rustle of fabric, and then Deku is sinking. Lower and lower – He’s settling so far into the warmth of a well loved scarf that he isn’t sure he’ll ever resurface. He isn’t sure he wants to.
Deku can’t remember the last time he was warm without having to trade for it.
“Izuku? Aizawa is almost here, okay? Can you please open the door, kid? I don’t want to break it down and hurt you but I need to know you’re okay.”
With one hand still holding the bottle, Deku rips open the backpack and tugs out the scarf. He drags out the entire length until it’s crumpled in his lap. He runs his scarred hands over the material, a now familiar habit that he isn’t sure he deserves.
With the backpack a little emptier, it’s easy to see the bright colored Present Mic hoodie tucked away at the bottom. Hizashi doesn’t know he brings it with him everyday – Deku has never even worn the hoodie, but it makes him feel better to know it’s there. So he pulls it out and lays it on top of the scarf, both pieces of his family safe with him.
Pulling out the hoodie dislodges something else in the bag, and Deku has to drop the medicine in order to reach in and pull it out.
Curious, he opens a plastic container he doesn’t recognize. His eyes water and he loses his breath when he sees the flower shaped rice balls along with a handwritten note addressed to Bunny with a reminder to eat something after school.
Izuku jumps when he hears the front door slam open. He hears Hawks speaking frantically with someone on the other side of the bathroom door, and he would recognize his guardian’s deep voice anywhere.
Izuku reaches around for the orange bottle, sweaty palms slipping on the plastic.
Everything is too much, but…
Even after watching the video – All of the videos… What if Aizawa let him stay, anyways? What if Hizashi still held him, after today was over, and still made him laugh as he fell asleep next to him?
Dr. Marina sits patiently across from him, silver eyes open and honest as they ask,
“Midoriya… What would you like, out of life?”
“Oh. Um…”
Izuku wracks his brain, trying to come up with what should be a simple answer. But the truth is that, up until a few weeks ago, the only thing he’d wanted out of life was to get out of it completely.
“I don’t know.” He says, finally. The doctor smiles, warm and genuine.
“Well. There’s our first goal. Let’s figure out what you want, Midoriya.”
What if Izuku just wanted to feel safe? Could he let himself? Could he actually trust that Aizawa and Hizashi meant what they said? That they wouldn’t leave him – that they would stay with him no matter what?
“Izuku!”
Izuku jumps back when the bathroom door is kicked open to reveal a pale and shaking Eraserhead on the other side.
His guardian lets out an audible sigh of relief, arm lifting up to rest against the doorframe as he looks over Izuku for injury. He relaxes further upon seeing him unharmed, until he sees the pile of pills in his sweating palm. When had he opened the bottle?
“Izuku…” Aizawa crouches, slowly. A rare, unguarded expression of pain crosses his face before it smooths out.
Could Izuku let himself feel safe?
“I…” Izuku sniffs, turns over his hand and brushes away the capsules that stick to his sweaty palm.
Everything hurts. Everything is still too much. He can feel everything all over again, after he tried so hard to not think about it – to not feel and not remember. Now he’s remembering everything all at once, and he doesn’t know if he can do it.
“Aizawa-Sensei… I t-think I need help.”
Izuku doesn’t know if he can do it. But he has to try.