Chapter Text
Lily Potter woke up to darkness. It could've been a welcome change from the bright burning light that had engulfed her only seconds prior but it was jarring. For a second she didn't know what was going on. Only that it was dark and tight and she was trapped in nothingness and the air was so goddamn thin, why couldn't she breath? Why-?
Then she remembered. She remembered the veil and how it felt to claw her way back through it, she remembered two men holding onto her for dear life, she remembered her soul burning to smithereens and thinking:" Did I just properly kill all of us?"
But no. She was here. Her heart beating in her chest, her lungs screaming for air, her back aching from the hard surface she was laying on. She was here. Alive. It had worked... Right.
Lily tried to focus, to center herself. She had no idea where here was. She ordered her hands to move and they did. She hadn't had a corporal body in so long, it felt bizarre. She let her hands wander over the ground she was laying on and it felt like wood, raw and harsh, the sensation of it against her fingers was almost too intense to bear. She found where the ground ended and two walls started but they weren't very high. Only a few inches away from her face was the top. Lily realized that she was incased in a little box and a second later she also knew why. She had been dead. Dead and buried. She was in her bloody coffin. Great!
In hindsight she could've seen this coming. It made sense for her sprit to return to her body, then again Lily hadn't expected to come back to life exactly. She thought she might just end up as a ghost, and that was already her being optimistic. People weren't supposed to come back from the dead.
She pushed the voice that told her that this was incredibly wrong and against nature aside and focused on the task at hand. Getting out of the coffin. After all, she hadn't fought her way back to the land of the living just to suffocate 5 minutes later and end up exactly where she left off.
Lily accessed the situation. The coffin was made of wood which was good news. It would be easier to break. She felt around the space some more until she felt dirt on her fingers. If there was dirt in here that mean that the coffin must already be damaged. She raised her hands to the top of the coffin and felt around it until she found the gash where the wood had caved under the weight of the earth and split open. A week spot. Perfect.
The next step was to make the hole bigger so Lily started to kick against it and she only now realized that she was wearing high heels. They had buried her in high heels and a dress. For a moment she felt the urge to laugh at that. She didn't know why, it wasn't particularly funny but the thought of ruining a pretty dress by crawling out of grave suddenly seemed hysterical.
She didn't laugh though, she didn't have the time or oxygen for that. Instead she just continued to kick against the wood until it broke more and more, letting more and more dirt fall in. She kicked the dirt out of her way as good as possible but it still got into the air making it even harder to breath. She had to move quickly or she'd run out of air. So she curled up as well as the tiny space allowed, pushing against the wall until she could stick her head and arms out of the hole she created.
Of course she was only met with even more dirt and less air but Lily wouldn't let that stop her. She just thought about her son, crying in a cupboard somewhere, Sirius, locked away for a crime he didn't commit, Remus, mad with grief and isolation and she thought of her boys, who were hopefully both fighting their way out of their coffins right now, too. She had to get out, she had to get through this for them. So she held her breath and dug as quickly as she could until her hand broke the earth's surface and there was no more dirt. She couldn't see, too much earth still in her way, could barely move. Suddenly someone grabbed her hand and she felt warm skin against for the first time in too long. And they were pulling, pulling her up through the dirt, raising her from her grave until her head broke through the surface and she saw his face.
James was covered in dirt from head to toe, his smart suit as ruined as Lily's dress but his smile was as big and crooked as ever and his eyes were bright and sparkled and he was alive! They were both alive and Lily took her first real breath and she wanted to sob because they were alive. It was cold and the sun was too bright and she could hear cars nearby that were too noisy but none of it mattered because they were alive.
"You did it.", He rasped, sounding out of breath and raw. "You fucking did it! You brought us back!", He exclaimed before letting out a wild and triumphant shout. Next thing she knew, James wrapped his arms around her, raising her up and spinning her through the air. Lily wondered where he got the energy when she could barely stand.
Once he let her down both of them took a moment to just stare at each other. They had been together behind the veil, that's what the afterlife was, being with your favourite people, but not like this. Not with blood running through their veins and hearts pounding in their chests. It hadn't been this real.
"It worked a little too well, didn't it?", Lily smirked carefully. Her voice cracked from not using it in so long, her smile felt unfamiliar.
"I wouldn't say that. I'd say that we were realistic and humble about the prospects of getting back here and the universe decided to not suck for once and reward us for it. ", James quipped and there was nothing unfamiliar about him. He looked the same as he had the day they died. Tall, lean and fit, dark, sun-kissed skin and chaotic black hair.
She had missed seeing him. Really seeing him and not just his spirit.
But that wasn't the reason why they were back.
Here's what happened. James and Lily had died to protect their son. They had done it all for Harry, did everything they could to ensure his safety and happiness. All for Albus to dump him at Petunia's where he was neglected and abused.
Lily had seen it, sort of. The afterlife was weird like that. You could watch your living loved ones but not directly. It wasn't like turning on the telly and watching their lives. It was more of a feeling with flashes of memories. She could feel her son's pain, his confusion, his fear, his hopelessness. Every once in a while she could see him too, locked up in his little cupboard, not bothering to cry because he knew that tears would only bring more pain. She could feel his hunger, his desperation. It was eating her alive... Well... Not alive. That was the problem.
The afterlife was supposed to bring them peace, it was supposed to be their final resting place, but Lily couldn't rest, not when Harry was wasting away in some dark hole and nobody was doing anything to fix it.
It wasn't just Harry though. It was Sirius, thrown into Azkaban without a trial, innocent but still consumed with guilt. It was Remus, completely alone and isolated, unable to find a job and starved of anything human. And it was Peter, the goddamn rat, living a comfortable life with a clueless family that had no idea about the monster in their midst.
They all fueled Lily's rage and rage had no place in the afterlife. And she wasn't the only one. James shared all her anger but if it had only been the two of them they probably wouldn't have made it. No. They needed...
"Where's Regulus?", Lily heard herself ask, looking around for the third part of their trio. Regulus had been instrumental to their break out. He knew things Lily and James has no idea about. He told them about the horcrux, about how Voldemort had found a way to return after his supposed death, and he told them about the tethers.
Tethers were the things that tied their spirits to the mortal world. Their bodies were the ultimate tethers. They were their vessels. But there was other things, too. Parts of one's soul that everyone spread around. Not like a horcrux, no. Tethers were completely natural. The second strongest tethers were children, products of one's life, real living things that carried little pieces of you.
Regulus had already spend a while trying to find a tether strong enough to pull him through the veil when they met him. Because he, too had rage and pain and unfinished business. First it had been Voldemort and his horcrux. He was obsessed with ensuring the destruction of it. Then it was Sirius. Redeeming his brother and setting him free became his priority and Lily admired him for it. She knew that James felt the same.
Regulus had been unsuccessful in all his attempts to breach the veil, he hadn't left behind much to tie himself to. "It's difficult to find a connection strong enough when you never really connected with anyone.", He said once and he spoke matter of factly like he always did but it still broke Lily's heart a little.
As a mother, Lily was their best bet, having the strongest tie to Harry. But even that shouldn't have been enough. Maybe it was her sacrificing her life, maybe the blood magic that her love left behind but something made her tether stronger than usual. And once they had figured that out they knew that they had to try to breach the veil.
Lily led them through it, with the other two mean holding onto her for dear life... No pun intended.
It had been agony and ecctacy. It was watching her birth and death and everything in between, it was memories getting scorched into her mind, it was pain and pleasure and fear and joy and hate and love and everything human and it felt like it was too much, way to much. She was coming undone, it was ripping her apart and she couldn't- it wasn't possible- it wasn't right or natural- and Lily was sure that she had led them all into their doom but then she heard him.
Harry crying. It wasn't much of a cry actually, it was too muffled. More of a repressed sob. And suddenly air filled her lungs.
Now they were here and alive and Regulus was nowhere to be found.
"I reckon he woke up in his body as well. Wherever he was buried.", James suggested, stroking his filthy hair out if his face. His smile had faded a little now that the initial shock of life had worn off.
"Great! How are we supposed to find him?", Lily asked frustrated. What if he was trapped in a grave as well, what if he couldn't manage to claw his way out? For a second Lily got startled by how much she cared. It shouldn't have surprised her. Sure, she hated everything that Regulus used to stand for and Regulus used to consider her the scum of the earth but death changed things, it shifted your perspective. Regulus wasn't the same boy she knew when she had been alive, James and her weren't the same either. And it took all three of them to get here. She had learned to trust Regulus and she liked to believe that he trusted them too. You had to trust someone if you let them drag you through the veil of death back to live, right?
"Reg is a big boy, he'll figure it out. And he knows where we are heading. We agreed to meet at Remus' if we get seperated.", James explained, trying to calm Lily down but it wasn't working.
"He could be dead again for all we know!", She protested.
"No I don't think so." James said and something about his confidence in the statement caught Lily off guard. A puzzled expression formed on her husband's face as he pressed his fingers to his neck as if he was feeling is pulse. "Yuh, I'm pretty sure that I can feel Reg's heartbeat.", He then announced.
"You what now?", Lily asked, raising her eyebrows comically.
"I- I don't know how to explain it. Something happened when we passed through the veil. You know, all this fire, I'm sure you saw it, it burned us, all three of us and maybe, I don't know, we melted a little, bled into each other? Because I can feel him. His heartbeat, his breathing, like I'm him but I'm not.", James struggled to explain.
"Can you feel me, too?" Lily asked, not entirely convinced yet.
"Not like him, no. I don't feel your body. I don't know why.", He shrugged.
"But you're sure that he's fine. ", Lily clarified.
"Yeah, alive and well, as far as I can tell.", He nodded and Lily choose to just trust him with that. They had just come back from the dead, a little psychic link was nothing to write home about in comparison.
"Okay... So Remus. We need to get Remus and then Harry. And we need to go after Peter and free Sirius and-", Lily got cut off by the loud growling of her stomach. She only now noticed how cramped up it was. Like she hadn't eaten anything in days... or more like months.
"We need to eat.", James stated, seeming just as surprised by that as Lily. She was surprised at how much she had forgotten about being human.
"Maybe Remus has something to eat?", She suggested.
"Good plan. Wait, I'll look for our wands. They must've buried them with us.", James explained and with that he jumped back into his own grave, digging through the dirt.
Lily took this moment to take in her surroundings. The world she has left behind 9 months ago. Bright and electric and alive. It was overwhelming. They were in Godrics Hollow. She recognised the church beside the graveyard. The place they had started their little family, the place they had died. It was all so surreal. She wanted to lay down on the ground and touch the grass, feel it between her fingers, smell it, all to make sure that they were really here.
A shiver ran down her spine. It was colder than she had expected. It felt like late autumn and not late summer. It had to be August...right? Time was weird in the afterlife. It didn't really exist but Lily tried to keep track of the mortal world as well as possible. Last time she checked Harry turned two years old. He didn't know that, of course. Because Harry spend his second birthday in a dirty diaper, locked into a cupboard. Nobody wished him a happy birthday. Nobody gave him a hug, a kiss and a present. Nobody cared and Lily was furious.
"Got them!", James announced, climbing out of Lily's grave. She hadn't even noticed him finding his own.
"Great. Thank you.", She smiled, taking her wand from him. It felt warm and familiar in her hand. She could feel a spark of magic run through her. It was electrifying.
She looked up at James, now only inches away from her. Behind the Veil they had practically been one. A matched set. Moulded together by their love for one another.
Back in the mortal world they were more seperated. They were their own people instead of two mingled souls. Lily almost liked it better this way. Sure, she missed knowing James' every thought but being themselves again gave their love more meaning. After all, the fear of loosing someone was an integral part of love.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder, right?
Plus, she felt like the link was still there, even if it wasn't as strong as before. She could still feel him, his emotions, his love for her, his worry for their son and friends, his hate for Peter. Maybe James was right about the three of them fusing together.
James' hand bumped against hers and she reached for it, skin on skin. This was also nice. Touch. They couldn't touch like this behind the veil. It wasn't the same. They couldn't hold each other like real people. Now that was possible again.
James seemed to think the same thing because he reached for Lily's face, cupping it gently with his hands as if he was afraid of breaking her.
Lily leaned into his touch, breathing in his smell, drowning in the golden light of his eyes.
"You really did it, Lils, you marvelous hurricane of a person.", He hushed, a gentle smile pulling at his lips. Lily felt herself melt with his warmth.
"Couldn't have done it without you, Potter.", She grinned, reaching up to brush one of James' countless stray strands of hair out of his face. She was so goddamn lucky.
"I've missed you.", She said before thinking about it. It was the truth.
"I never left your side.", James smirked and Lily shook her head.
"I know... I just... I missed us, being real, being alive. ", She tried to explain. "I love you. " She didn't need to explain that. James knew more of love than anyone Lily had ever met.
"I love you, too.", He whispered back before leaning in and god... How she had missed this. His lips on hers, their bodies impossibly close. She might've spend eternity like this if weren't for the reasons why they had came back in the first place.
Eventually they seperated, coming to their senses. Both breathless and smiling widely.
"We need to get to Remus.", James reminded the both of them and Lily let out a breathless laugh.
"Exactly.", She nodded, taking his hand and preparing to side-along. "Let's go save our family." She said more to herself than James and with that they disapparated.