Archive of Our Own

It was hard to tell whether the time that had passed was a mere hour, or hundreds of years, because it seemed to stretch on for eternity. Castiel supposes that’s quite the point of it though. The empty had been described as a peaceful sleep. Castiel had not taken that option the first time, and he was not granted it the second.

It felt like millennials had passed, reliving pain, and regret, and hurt. Anger and self hate, and fear over and over and over. He clung to the memories as they were the only parts of Dean he had left, yet he dreaded each and every flashback. He suffered with every word Dean spat back at him. Because as dramatic and thrown out of proportion as Dean’s anger could be, it was nearly always justified. And an eternity of hearing his name twisted like it was the very reason for Dean’s pain was a hard thing to shake. Castiel’s regrets were not entirely centered around Dean, though the ones that hurt most seemed to be the ones that were.

All he remembers is a bloodied face, a blade heavy and cold in his hand. Then he felt… warm? There was a distant warmth growing slowly. Then a light blinding Castiel from his horrid memories.

“Castiel.” Someone says, and he can hear the smile in their voice, it sounds like family, youthful and happy, and Castiel hardly knows what the voice is, whose it is, but he feels pride for it anyway.

He wakes up surrounded by trees, and stands up carefully, looking around at the sun filtering through green leaves. Moss is soft and cushiony under his bare feet, and his coat feels softer, cleaner, nicer, than it usually does. The birds are singing and there’s a light trickle of a river somewhere in the distance and he feels at peace. For the first time in eons of his existence, he feels at peace.

He turns around, taking in the warmth and green of his surroundings. The flowers, the sounds of wildlife, the blue sky peeking through the leaves. He sees a figure standing between two trees at the edge of the clearing. He’s young. Cas blinks and lets his memories filter back.

“Jack!” He beams and the kid smiles back widely.

“Cas!”

“Where am I?”

“You’re in heaven. I built this part of it just for you.”

“It’s beautiful. You… built it?”

“I’m god now. Chuck is human. Sam and Dean are back at the bunker. All is as it should be.” He nods.

“How did you get me out of the empty?”

“It was a bargain, I figured you would be happier up here than you would be in the empty. Even if it meant becoming human.” Cas stills, looking within himself for his grace and realizing that it’s gone. He’s not as pained by that realization as he should be.

He remembers the loss he felt the first time he became human. He felt useless, incapable. Weak. He doesn’t feel that now. A bit naked maybe, but he feels at ease with his newfound humanity.

“Thank you. Am I… dead?”

“I’m not sure,” Jack answers. “You technically were taken for a deal, you were not dead before then, but you were not alive in the empty either. I’ve promised not to interfere with these matters, but I needed your help rebuilding heaven.”

“Of course I’ll help.” Cas answers immediately.

And so he does help. He can’t do very much of the building itself, seeing as he is human, and he refuses to let Jack give him new grace. But he makes plans and he’s a hell of a good director.

He watches earth. He watches the animals and the people and the sun sets and sunrises. He watches nature and humanity and he feels comfort in it. He watches the Winchesters too, and apparently he hadn’t been in the empty long, because it’s only been a week on Earth. Time works differently there though, Cas knows, and he thinks maybe it’s been lifetimes for him. Heaven feels like a lazy river, happy, calm, peaceful. Easy. He feels easy, watching the Winchesters.

And he feels pain again watching the metal go through Dean’s back.

“Jack!” He yells, and Jack is there beside him, worried and looking pained, watching Dean bleed and Sam’s eyes go wide. “Help them,” Cas whispers, horrified, and Jack’s eyes are glossy as he shakes his head no.

***

“Sammy?” Dean chokes out. He can’t move. He can hardly breath. The pain piercing through his middle is washing over him, hot and heavy and everywhere. It radiates from the puncture through his back and it flows from him like the blood that he can feel soaking through his jacket.

Sam is frozen, he doesn’t know what happened. But then he reaches behind Dean and his hand comes away bloody, and seeing it makes it all the more real in Dean’s mind. He gasps and sucks back in a breath, holding in all of the pain and fear and tears. He’s in shock. Again. It feels like he’s always grieving or dying or in shock. His brain hasn’t caught up to the pain, and Sam is starting to look teary-eyed and frantic but Dean shakes his head at him.

“I don’t think I’m going anywhere, Sam. Just…” Dean leans his head back on the wooden pillar and breathes. “Just stay with me?” Dean is scared. He didn’t think he would die today. Not here and now. And he’s fucking terrified. Sam shakes his head, but he doesn’t leave.

“I can’t… You’re- you’ll die, Dean.”

“It’s my time, Sammy. I’ve always- I’ve always known this is how it’d go for me. We both knew it. But not you. You deserve the whole… apple pie life.” Dean manages.

But truth be told, Dean had begun to think maybe this isn’t how he would go out. He supposes it made sense, in some alternate reality, for him to go out so simply. At one point, this would have felt like coming home. This would have been his happy ending. But Dean had fought God! Dammit. He fought Lucifer, and Micheal, and the king of hell, he fought cosmic beings and stopped apocalypses and heavenly wars. It seems silly to him now, that all he had done could come to an end with one wrong move. Stupid vampires.

And Cas, this wasn’t what Cas had wanted for him. Cas had sacrificed everything. Heaven, his garrison, everything he had known, so he could remain loyal to Dean. And he sacrificed his life more than once. He died dedicating his last moments to Dean. To telling him that he was good enough. He was not a killer. Not a monstrosity. Not hopeless or broken. Cas had died for Dean once again, and here he was not even two weeks later, bleeding out on a simple vampire hunt.

And Dean had tried, he had tried so hard to be what Cas thought he was. To be the man Cas wanted him to be. Dean was trying so hard to be happy. To not fall into a depression, to not let his fear and desperation and grief rule his life. They saved the world, again. And Dean wanted to honor Cas, but god was it hard. And as much as Dean wanted to live for Cas, he was so tired. And hurt. And lonely.

Cas was gone, and Dean ached from that loss with every breath he took. Every beat of his heart was full of pain and grief and regret. Even when he put on a smile and joked about pie. He was tired. He was ready. He was scared as fuck. Sam was dialing a number on his phone.

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s right, my brother. He-”

“Sammy, no.” Dean tries, half-heartedly.

“Okay. No he’s- we were attacked. It’s bad,” Sam’s voice broke, he was brushing away tears. Dean reached out and grabbed his wrist, shaking his head firmly, but Sam only put his hand over his brother’s in comfort. “Thank you,” He whispered into the phone, sounding so broken and scared and Dean felt it too. He felt the fear running through his veins just as much as his self loathing.

“They’ll find the bodies,” Dean mutters and Sam realizes that the vampire's headless bodies were still strewn across the floor. The bloody machetes on the ground by Dean’s foot. Sam picked up their weapons and quickly put them in the hands of the vampire’s bodies.

“I’ll find a way out of it,” He says, returning to his brother’s side. There isn’t time to take care of the mess, the sirens are already approaching.

***

Dean wakes up to steady beeping. He remembers flashing lights. Rarely have they been for him, they usually got him either dead or out of it before an ambulance was necessary. Though the sirens still hold warning of danger, of death, of running. He remembers telling Sam to go. To hide, But Sam doesn’t listen. Now there's a steady beeping and blue walls and discomfort, but he thinks maybe he’s still alive.

He shifts and the pain that shoots through his back and chest makes him think he must be. He must be alive. How? He has no fucking clue.

“You’re awake, Mr. Novak.” a doctor says, striding into the room. The name makes Dean’s heart shatter a little bit, but really he’s to blame, he chose the name when they went out with their fake badges.

“Hardly,” Dean mutters, and it hurts to talk, his head still feels woozy and he’s doped up on pain medication.

“I know you must be overwhelmed right now, but you have some officers waiting to talk with you,” Dean groans, half in pain and half in annoyance. “I’m going to go over your medical situation first, and then we can give you a day to recover mentally if you don’t feel up to making a statement.

“Kay,” Dean says, drowsily.

“You were impaled.” The doctor states plainly. “People don’t usually come back from something like that. Not the way you did. It’s a miracle you’re here at all.” He begins, and Dean smiles dopily. A goddamn miracle. More like having God as his son. So much for not interfering, huh. The doctor goes through the details. He’ll be in the hospital for at least a week. He has a variety of medication and bandages to deal with, but he will, surprisingly, make a full recovery.

“Does my brother know I’m okay?”

“Yes, he’s been notified. You aren’t allowed to talk to him until you’ve made your statement.”

“I’ll do it now.”

“Are you sure you’re up for that?”

“Send ‘em in.” Dean nods, and so a few minutes later, two officers are looking down warily at Dean.

“Now, because of the situation, you do fit the qualifications of an assumed victim, and your brother’s story had no holes, but we can’t take any chances.” One of the officers is saying.

“You are…” She checks her notes, “Sam’s brother, right?”

“Yeah.”

And so they go through their story. Sam was a misguided man, trying to help the kids, who were able to vouch for them both, later on, and Dean was trying to stop the fighting and ended up in the crossfire. The story wouldn’t get Sam out of jail easily, but he didn’t give Dean much to work with. At least one of them was off the suspect list.

Dean fell asleep again, with the help of another strong dose of pain meds, and he felt the distinct warmth of kind, relieved eyes watching him gently. No one else was in the room though, he was sure.

***

“I shouldn’t have done anything.” Jack sighed. But he couldn’t bring himself to regret it either. Cas had that sympathetic look on his face as he pulled his son into a hug.

“They’re the Winchesters. He probably would have survived anyway, you only took away some of the pain.”

“Everyone should have equal opportunity.”

“You have angels granting miracles to those in need. There are garrisons of angels dedicated to helping world hunger. You have angels that are answering prayers hourly, Dean was the one who made all this possible. He deserved this.” Cas smiles and Jack nods.

“You’re right. Of course.” And he looks at Cas, who turns back to watch Dean again. Jack watches Cas watching Dean with a sad smile, and after a few days of watching Dean heal, he makes a decision. “I think I was wrong when I said everything was as it should be.”

“What do you mean? You’ve done wonderfully.”

“You, Cas. Your deal messed up the balance. You should technically be alive right now. Or… you should be dead.. But then you came back, so that doesn’t really matter.”

“I’m not asking for life, Jack. I know you feel bad about interfering.”

“Everyone else’s lives had no chance to go wrong. Yes, sometimes bad things happen to them, but those things were meant to happen. Your life… the Winchester’s lives, they were interfered with… you shouldn’t be here Cas. Not yet.” Jack says, and Cas eyes him warily. It’s a stretch, Jack knows it, and Cas does too. But Cas misses Dean. He misses Sam. He’s willing to reach if Jack is offering.

“You’re going to put me back?”

“Dean still needs you. You could be happy, both of you.”

“Will you visit?” Cas asks, Jack hesitates. “You may be god Jack, but you’re still our son. We need you, not your powers.”

“Alright, I’ll visit, but I won’t change anything. It would be fun to experience Christmas on Earth again.”

“Deal.” Cas smiles, and he hugs him. “Thank you, Jack. I always knew you could do it. I don’t know anyone kinder, stronger, better suited for this job than you. I’m proud of you.”

And when the father and son are done with their goodbye, even if it was more of a see-you-later, Jack snaps… and Cas finds himself asleep in a field.

***

The week, maybe two, maybe a month… that Dean spends in the hospital is boring and painful, and he talks to Sam, who’s still in jail, only once or twice over the phone. Finally he’s released, and luckily, they didn’t find Baby parked behind the barn in the bushes. Dean lets them get him an uber to the nearest motel, and he walks to Baby from there, even if it puts strain on his stitches. He spends a day or two trying to figure out how to break Sam out of the cell he’s been stuck in, and he ends up calling Charlie, then Jody. In the end, Dean doesn’t do much himself, but Sam is in Baby’s passenger seat in no time, and they’re on the run again.

They don’t talk most of the ride home. They stop for food and gas and they’re on the last hour when Sam finally says something besides complaining about the food or music.

“I thought you were dead.”

“Can’t get rid of me that easy.”

“Dean, maybe we should retire.”

“What? Sammy, you’re kidding right?”

“I mean… I don’t think… I don’t think I can keep doing this. I’ve looked up to you since I was four. I’ve been to hell and back. I’ve died for you, killed for you. You’re my big brother, Dean. I’m all set. Eileen is back, so is almost everyone else. I’m not saying we can’t pick up jobs on the side sometimes, but… maybe we should try and live a semi-normal life.”

“Not everyone is back, Sam.”

“That’s- I- I said almost- That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry,” Sam says. “And I think Cas would have wanted us to be alive. Happy.”

“He would.”

“So let’s retire.” Sam throws his hands up.

“I’ve already applied for a job, Sammy.” Dean mumbles and Sam looks surprised. Happy, but surprised.

“Really?”

“I haven’t sent it in yet. I’m still deciding, I could fix up cars, you know? Be a mechanic. That would be cool.”

“That’s good, Dean. That’s really good.”

“And I hope you and Eileen have cute, little, happy babies, or whatever it is you want.”

“Thanks man.” Sam chuckles, “Cas would be proud of you.”

“Thanks, Sammy,” Dean whispers.

Dean thinks that Sam has to know what Dean is feeling. It must be obvious to him. They’re brothers. They’ve known each other’s emotions more than they know themselves at times. And Dean wants to keep Cas’ confession a secret a little longer. Like if he says it out loud, it won’t be his own anymore. Their last moment together should be their own. But Cas was right, in a way. There’s happiness in just saying it, even if Cas isn’t here to hear it. And there’s happiness in just being. Even if Cas can't be with him.

“I loved him.” Dean says, and he’s surprised at his own calmness. Sam must be too, because he looks at Dean wide-eyed for a minute. Before a look of utter heartbreak forms.

“I know, Dean.”

“I really, really did. And he never even knew.”

“I’m sure he knew. He had to have.”

“He didn’t. He told me-” But Dean can’t finish that train of thought. “He died thinking I didn’t love him back. There’s so many things… that I regret- so many times I- I wasn’t good to him- made him feel- I-” Dean takes a deep breath and focuses on the road even more intensely than he had before. “I miss him,”

“I do too. I know it’s different, I lost Eileen before, I know. And he’s forgiven you. He would want this life for you.”

“I know. I’m trying. I just… He said- He said the happiness came from just saying it. And I needed to say it to him. But I can’t. Anymore. I should have, but I thought he knew already and-” He adjusts his too-tight grip on the steering wheel. “I’ve been so caught up in trying not to let things be good, because it’s so easy to take away. And Dad doesn’t help, I’ve been- he’s been hateful since we were kids, and I guess it’s hard to shake. Even if Cas is technically a celestial genderless being, I guess.”

“Dad was full of bullshit. And he’s dead now. And I don’t care about that. Of course I don’t.”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry, about Cas.” Sam sighs and Dean doesn’t respond to that, he only turns up the music and they ride the rest of the way comfortably without conversation. Dean feels lighter. His grief is heavier in this moment, but it’s not as regretful anymore. Grief isn’t something you can get rid of. Dean knows this. But he’s himself now. He’s out. He’s gonna be okay.

***

Cas walks for who knows how long down the side of the road. He plans to hitchhike, or find a bus, a bike, anything. But he comes across an old garage, like Bobby’s, and finds a working car. He doesn’t need keys, Dean taught him how to hot-wire it, and he’s on the road soon enough.

He gets to the hospital only a few days later, and when he asks for Dean Novak they tell him that he checked out yesterday. Cas nods, and assumes that Dean must be on his way back to the bunker. Or getting Sam out of jail. So he gets back in the old car and starts his drive back to Kansas.

When he gets to the bunker, he’s tired. In heaven he didn’t have to worry about food or sleep. It just came to him as he needed it. But on Earth, Cas has priorities. His priorities are arguably skewed, but he still manages to neglect his human needs until he reaches the bunker. It’s empty, but unlocked. And he parks across the street so the random car doesn’t freak them out. He gets in easily, and walks through the halls, trying to remember how it felt to live here. Would Sam and Dean welcome him back? Cas wonders briefly, before immediately squashing that thought. Of course they would.

But even with that affirmation repeated to himself in his head, he can’t help but fear Dean’s reaction. He doesn’t expect reciprocation. He just wishes for their friendship to remain. He knows Dean won’t react harshly. Chances are he had known about Cas’ feelings already, but the thought of making him uncomfortable made Cas feel guilt that he had never bothered himself with before.

Cas goes to his old room, and finds the bed messily made. There’s an old beer bottle on the table too and a dog bed in the corner. Has Dean been sleeping in his room? Suddenly there’s the soft clicking of a dog walking down the hall and he turns around to find a brown, long haired, dog looking up at Cas with his head cocked to the side. Cas looks back, head tilted in the same direction. They got a dog. How did he miss that while he was up in heaven?

He takes his angel blade out of the inside pocket of his trench coat and puts it on the bedside table. Then he shrugs off his coat as well and leaves it on the end of the bed. Then he squats down and pats his legs for the dog to come closer.

“Aren’t you such a beautiful thing. I’m glad you were here for them,” Cas smiles into the dogs fur, reaching for his collar and checking the tag. “Miracle. What a beautiful name.” Cas murmurs and pets the dog again before pushing himself back to his feet. He’s unsure of how long Dean and Sam will take to get back home, and he needs food.

***

When they pull up to the bunker, the first thing they notice is an old, ugly, tan car parked across the street.

“Maybe it broke down?” Sam shrugs and Dean eyes it skeptically, before pulling into the garage. “It’s not like anyone else can get into the bunker. The warding only lets in Us, Eileen and Cas.”

“And Charlie.”

“Right. But that’s not Charlie’s car.”

Dean shrugs, and when they get inside, there’s no sign of anyone right away, so Dean heads to his… to Cas’ room. It takes him almost a full minute to notice the angel blade. Picking it up with wide cautious eyes and then turning, to see the coat on the back of a chair. The bed is neatly made as well. Dean has never made his bed in his life. Not this nicely, anyway. And it must be a trick. A really mean joke. It’s not real. He’s hallucinating. Grief does that to people sometimes, right? But when he picks up the coat, it feels solid and real and it smells like Cas.

“Sammy!” He yells, because he thinks he might go into panic if he doesn’t have someone confirm that it’s real, but Sam probably can’t hear him from across the bunker, so he heads toward the living room.

“Dean!” Sam yells, and something in his voice makes Dean’s heart race with hope. Dean runs into the kitchen, Cas’ coat still in his hand. And Sam looks happier than a little kid on Christmas. He’s wiping away happy tears and everything, and Dean’s brain needs a moment to catch up. He’s been in shock far too many times over this past month. And he takes in the man, with dark hair and blue eyes.

“Cas?” His voice breaks and he doesn’t know if he can move, or breathe, but his body acts for him, and he’s dropping the trench coat and wrapping Cas in a hug so tight they stumble at first.

His arms around Cas’ shoulders, bunching Cas’ shirt in his hands and holding on like if he lets go Cas will evaporate on the spot. Cas holds him back gently at first, hands skirting over Deans back carefully, but when Dean turns his head into his shoulder, Cas wraps his arms around Deans’ back, strong, and firm, and warm, and Dean thinks that Cas is the only thing keeping him standing.

Somewhere in the background, Sam quietly calls to Miracle and they leave Dean and Cas alone. Dean loosens his hold around Cas, and turns his head a bit, but he doesn’t let go.

When they finally do pull back, they’re still holding onto each other, and Dean looks over Cas’ face, taking in every detail, and god, he missed him so fucking much. He missed the way his eyes crinkled and the way he smiled like he could tell what Dean was thinking. He missed his stupid face, and Dean thinks his heart explodes right there, from looking into his eyes, and he’s pulling Cas back into another hug. A short one this time, and then he’s pulling away roughly, hand still holding onto Cas’ shirt.

“You can’t ever fucking do that again, okay?”

“Okay, Dean.”

“Did Jack-?” Cas nods, and Dean makes a mental note to thank him. “I made him promise to visit. At least on holidays.”

“That’s good Cas.” Dean says softly, Cas’ eyes crinkle when he smiles. “Fuck. Cas, I missed you.”

“I missed you as well.” He says and Dean definitely isn’t crying. He refuses. “You don’t- you don’t fucking get to do that.”

“I had no choice Dean. We both would have died.”

“Never again. No more deals. No more sacrifices. None of it.”

“Okay, Dean.”

He’s about to speak again, but Sam shows up, phone in hand, and he looks apologetic as he announces a simple case. Then he offers to go with Eileen, and Cas and Dean are alone in the bunker again. Cas picks up his coat from where Dean dropped it on the floor and hangs it over the back of a chair.

“I’m human.”

“Are you hungry?” Dean asks, because human Cas had never remembered to eat the first time.

***

“Do you want home fries?” Dean asks, Cas nods, so Dean piles some homemade fries onto his plate next to the burger, and then he makes his own plate and sits across from him at the table.

“I’m glad you’re back.”

“So am I.” Cas says. “I see you’ve got a dog?”

“Miracle. He’s all that kept me going after… all of it. You know?”

“I’m sorry.” Cas grimaces, Dean thinks maybe he’ll say it, now. Somehow it still catches him off guard.

“I love you too, you know.”

Cas finishes chewing his last bit of burger slowly, with an unsure, but hopeful look on his face.”I didn’t know,” He whispers.

“I thought you knew. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I was… I was angry and scared. And I’m sorry I took it out on you. You’ve never deserved that. We’ve both screwed up, big time. More than once. But I’ve always forgiven you, even when I wasn’t able to admit it.”

“Thank you Dean.”

“And, uh, you’ve always had me Cas. And if… if i’m still something you want… I’m all in.”

“Yes.” Cas says immediately. Warmth flooding his face. Dean grins, “What does that… mean exactly?”

“I don’t know. probably not Sam’s apple pie life. But we could retire halftime at least. I could be a mechanic. You could do whatever. Burger dates at roadside diners. Movie nights with Miracle. The whole stupid, lovey-dovey nine yards.” Dean smiles and Cas is looking down at his plate, smiling widely. Dean likes making him smile.

“I would like that very much.”

“Dancing to Zeppelin in the living room, we could celebrate anniversaries, but to be honest, I already had a plan to take you out on the anniversary of the day we met. You know, if we were still alive. And I could cook for you! Oh! How do you feel about sex?”

“Sex is good. And you already cook for me.”

“perfect.” Dean nods to himself. And Cas shakes his head fondly.

“Are we going to tell Sam?”

“Why wouldn’t we?” he asks, stuffing a home fry into his mouth.

“I wasn’t sure how much you wanted him to know. I am in a male vessel after all.”

“Dude… I don’t care about that. I like your uh, your vessel. And Sam won’t give a fuck. Plus I already told him.”

“You did?”

“I didn’t say ‘i’m bisexual’ but yeah, I think he got the message.”

“Alright… well, good.”

“Good.”

And so they eat the rest of their meal, shared glances, and feet knocking together, and when Sam calls to let them know that all went well, they head to bed. Usually, Dean would suggest they go to his room, but Dean has basically moved into Cas’ room, so he follows Cas to his door and then wonders if Cas will want him there.

“Are you staying?” Cas asks him.

“If you want me to.”

“Of course.”

And Dean wants to kiss him. He realizes for a minute that he’s always wanted this. He never let himself want this, but it’s always been there. He has no reason to hold back. Cas wants this too. And Dean can’t deny that. Not with the way Cas is looking at Dean so softly he thinks he might melt on the spot. Dean reaches over and puts his hand on Cas’ cheek, just because he’s allowed to now. Because he wants to. And he pulls Cas forward slowly, giving him time to back away. But Cas is having none of it.

They’ve been keeping each other at a distance. Arms length and all times. Knowing but not facing it. Feeling but not thinking about it. Even after they’ve both spoken their truth, it feels like this is a barrier to break. A line they have to cross. And they’ve been waiting for it, wanting it, for so long.

Cas pulls Dean in by the back of his head and kisses him like his life depends on it, and Dean kisses back just as passionately. And they stay like that, holding each other, kissing, finally, just… being together. Until Cas pulls away and pushes Dean’s messy hair out of the way.

“It’s getting late.” He says, and Dean realizes how tired he looks. He is human now, after all.

And so they get out of their uncomfy day clothes and crawl under the covers together. It’s awkward for a minute, and neither of them are quite sure whether they should cuddle, or just fall asleep side by side, but then Dean reaches out and pulls Cas close to him. Not long after that, Miracle jumps up onto the bed and nestles between their legs.

He sends a prayer up to Jack. A ‘thank you’. And then he rolls further into Cas’ arms and falls asleep.

*** (epilogue?)

They wake up late, it’s nearly noon, and Eileen and Sam are both back. They’ve made breakfast, and when Dean stumbles out of his room, gathering a second plate for Cas, and heads back to Cas’ room, Eileen stops him and helps him carry two hot cups of coffee as well. Dean is 99% sure she’s only doing it to confirm whether Cas and him slept in the same room or not, but he finds he doesn’t really care.

“I’m happy for you,” She says when she sees Cas tucked under the blanket. His hair is messy and he’s pouting in his sleep and Dean smiles, putting the plates down on the bedside table and signing ‘thank you’ back.

He knows she’s going to go and tell Sam and Sam’s gonna give him that stupid happy smirk that says ‘I know you’re happy’ and ‘I told you, I knew it’. He knows Sam will shake his head when Dean grabs Cas’ hand or when he kicks Sam out of the front seat. And Dean will make fun of Sam for smiling at Eileen all the damn time, and he’ll joke about Eileen being way out of his league, because she is bad ass as fuck, and Sam is lucky as hell, but he already knows that. Dean is lucky as hell too.

And Dean is so stupidly in love with Cas that he doesn’t even care. And Sam is so stupidly in love with Eileen that he’d do just about anything to get her to crack a smile. And They’re all so goddamn happy, he can’t wait till Christmas when Jack will be back, even if it’s only for a day, and they can all have a big family dinner. Charlie and her girlfriend, Bobby, Jody and Donna and the girls, Garth and his family. They’re gonna have one hell of a party.

Dean gently pushes his hand through Cas’ hair.

“Cas, wake up, I have breakfast.” he whispers. And When Cas cracks open his eyes and smiles up at Dean, He feels like everything is as it should be again.