Chapter Text
May, 1979
Severus hated wearing ties. They were too stiff, too ugly, too constricting. He thought his old Slytherin tie would be the last one he’d ever wear. He really hadn’t expected to live this long.
He pulled at the tie around his neck, forcing some cold air down the front of his shirt to cool his chest.
It was Lily’s idea to do away with the traditional celebratory attire - thank Merlin. She had practically forced James to adopt something a bit more ‘Muggle-friendly’ on account of her family - well, her parents. Petunia had refused to show up, and Severus was more than thankful. He could go happily through life without having to see her again.
The tie still wasn’t sitting right. He lifted his hand to tug at it again, but someone else’s hand stopped him. Their fingers tightened around his wrist and forced his hand back down to his lap.
“Leave the tie, it looks fine,” Remus whispered from next to him.
Remus, along with Sirius and Peter, was one of James’ groomsmen and would be leaving Severus before the start of the ceremony. Lily had reserved a seat for Severus in the front row next to her parents. Severus thought the sentiment was sweet, but there couldn’t be more than twenty guests in total.
Tensions were high, the Dark Lord had been targeting purebloods for recruitment, and James had been dodging him since graduation. They opted for a private ceremony, with only close friends and family - otherwise half of wizarding Britain would be in attendance, leaving them open and vulnerable.
And Severus didn’t mind the small crowd; the fewer people to socialise with, the better. He had not seen most of these people since graduation, and he barely spoke to the majority at all over his years at Hogwarts.
“It’s not how it looks, it’s how it feels that’s bothering me.”
“You’re a child,” Remus chided. “It’s only for a few hours.”
“Right,” Severus scoffed lightly. “Do you know when this will be starting? I know the bride should be late, but this is too far.”
“Any minute, I’m sure,” Remus consoled. He looked around, and something must have caught his gaze because he squinted at something behind Severus. “That’s my cue to leave.”
Severus looked over his shoulder and spotted Mr. and Mrs. Evans. It had been four years since he last saw them, and Mr. Evans in particular looked much older. Gone was his full head of hair, and he wore glasses to accommodate his aging vision. Mrs. Evans, curiously enough, sported a walking cane. If he remembered correctly, they were an incredibly friendly couple and would talk to Severus later at the reception. If he was underhand enough, he could ask her about it without prying.
Remus kissed Severus’ cheek and rose from Mrs. Evans’ seat, Severus shooed him away. Remus walked to the front and stood between Sirius and Peter, with Sirius at James’ side. Remus steeled himself and looked away from Severus to exchange a quick and quiet word with Peter. Severus’ gaze strayed to the side and he caught Sirius’ eye.
Sirius made an awkward, rushed attempt to look away. All too forced. Severus doesn’t think he’ll ever be on good terms with Sirius, not that he wanted to be. He was okay with Sirius visiting the apartment once a fortnight to see Remus and then leaving before he and Severus were forced to interact. Needless to say, neither of them was trying to kill the other anymore, for Remus’ sake. Suffering that fool was worth it for him.
Remus. A man worth suffering for.
He looked back to Remus, and found that the man was already smiling at him.
The music started. Everyone rose to look down to the end of the aisle. And, oh, didn’t Lily look beautiful.
Though Severus hated to admit it, the ceremony was bearable. A small part of Severus still balked at the idea of Lily marrying James, but now it was a reality and he had never seen Lily happier.
In another time, another world, Severus would like to celebrate his love with Remus in this way. He didn’t like the idea of reciting their vows to each other in front of an audience, but to be united legally in marriage was a thought that seemed less scary to Severus the more he considered it.
Severus always hated the idea of marriage growing up, he’d seen firsthand how his parents had failed to make it work; how they’d grown to resent each other rather than let it bring them closer. He vowed to never be like them.
But now…
“I know you don’t like dancing, but when will we have another chance to do this?” Remus asked. He was next to him, cautiously holding out a hand.
The reception had been pleasant thus far, but joining the other couples dancing around would be a quick way to ruin Severus’ mood.
“I don’t know, Remus,” Severus answered.
“Just one dance, then I’ll leave you alone,” Remus pleaded.
He took Remus’ hand, and he hated himself for it. He knew no one was looking at him, but that didn’t make him feel any less out of place.
The music was slow, and Remus guided them to an area of the floor that was free. He moved Severus’ hand to his shoulder, grasped his waist, and grabbed his other hand. They swayed gently in time to the music, similar to the other couples.
“I don’t know, Remus. Can’t we just sit down?”
“Remember how I went out to get that Abraxan hair for you yesterday? This is how you’re paying me back,” Remus teased. Severus chuckled and leaned into Remus a bit.
Severus himself was also in hiding from the Dark Lord, and Remus acted as his proxy to the outside world. Severus worked supplying medical potions via mail order to different health hubs around Britain; he was hoping to be picked up by St. Mungos once the war was over - but there was no end in sight. Each week, Remus got a long and complicated list of ingredients to get from different shopping districts, some of them were a little too underground for Remus’ taste.
Over Remus’ shoulder, a woman caught Severus’ eye. She was older, with grey, curly hair, and gave Severus an antipathic look. Severus made an educated guess that she was Euphemia Potter.
“Remus? Someone’s looking at us.”
Remus merely pulled Severus closer. His mouth was next to his ear, and he whispered, “Who cares, Severus? People will look. Let them. Their opinions mean nothing to me.”
Euphemia looked away after a moment, and the weight on Severus’ chest disappeared. “You’re right,” Severus replied softly. None of it mattered.
He rested his head in the crevice between Remus’ neck and chest and sighed. The song came to an end, and as nice as it was to dance with Remus, he was just as happy to return to his seat and observe the spectacle instead.
“Your debt has been repaid, sir,” Remus grinned at him. “Thank you for the transaction.”
Remus’ smile transformed his whole face. It lit up his eyes, bunched up his cheeks, parted his lips, and made him look all the more beautiful. And that smile was all for Severus. He resented the romantic inside him that was begging him to kiss Remus, but he couldn’t ignore the urge. He pressed his lips to Remus’, only for a second or two, then parted.
Remus, with a giddy smile on his face, let Severus go with a quick promise to reconvene with him later in the night. While Severus loved Lily and Remus, and he tolerated the rest, he couldn’t wait to get back home.
But, then again, it was a nice night. The marquee filtered in the cool night air, and the starlight mingled with the candlelight. As he made his way back to his designated seat, he looked around the room and took in all the different faces. He thought about how juxtaposed it was to host a wedding when the outside world was falling apart. It almost felt like a facade, a careful balancing act of socialisation just to bring people together for a few hours to pretend that nothing was wrong.
Or maybe, he thought, it was a blessing in disguise.
Who knew when all of them would be together like this again?
Severus didn't have the answers, but he did have a transfigured piano in his living room, waiting for him and Remus to play it again when they got home. That was enough.