Chapter Text
Kakashi is not happy.
Not happy is…
Well.
A massive understatement at best.
He blames Obito for this. Admittedly, the idiot has an eerie gift for dying and screwing Kakashi’s life over in the process. This is the third time already! Granted, he doesn’t think a fourth will happen. Not after deciding that Kakashi needs to no longer be in the fight against Madara and Kaguya, and shoving Kakashi through several dimensions haphazardly, only to stay behind himself to fight alone.
Then again, given the improbability of his survival the previous times, he’d probably better just expect him to show up alive and more idiotic than ever at the worst possible moment. Which means probably his life will not get saner than the current chaos.
He has no idea who the sturdily built man fleeing from enemies shooting some unknown projectile weapons at him is, but one stray missile splintering a door frame an inch from his nose had convinced him that the weapons were technology dangerous even to shinobi. The pursuers don’t look friendly at all, but perhaps the one they are chasing will be grateful enough to exchange some knowledge of this dimension in return for Kakashi helping him out a bit.
Because while this looks like Suna terrain, it quite obviously isn’t in Wind country, based on the architecture and clothing alone. Thus he must conclude that this is actually a different dimension. And he’d prefer to not die by ignorance, thank you very much.
Fortunately, it’s easy enough with chakra to be fast enough to yank the fleeing stranger out of the path of a projectile when he zigged when he should have zagged. Again, by the looks of the blood staining the side of his vest. Even easier to stash the winded man out of sight, henge into him, and proceed to scare the living daylights out of his pursuers by apparently walking into the hail of projectiles, entirely unharmed by them. Naturally it’s a genjutsu. He’s certainly not stupid enough to get in the way of the projectiles, but these people don’t seem to have active chakra, so it’s easy enough to ensnare them and then just walk up and take their weapons away, before walking back out of sight and dropping the henge and genjutsu.
Kakashi may giggle a little to himself before checking on the injured man.
Who seems… awfully lively for being wounded, and indeed has already managed a makeshift bandaging of his wound, and whose sharp gaze is wary as he eyes the armful of weapons Kakashi is carrying. “Why did you help me? And what did you do to them?”
“Maa, maa, I just took away their toys. The screaming has absolutely nothing to do with me, I’m sure. As for helping you, let’s just say I want information.”
The man’s blue eyes harden. “Information.”
Kakashi shrugs. “Nothing about whatever you’re involved in here, of course. Well, no. I lie. I do want to know what these weapons are called. And how they work. But what I really would like to know is where I am, and how do I get to a more…civilized place?”
“Civilized? You mean England, of course. We’re a day’s drive outside of Qena, in Egypt. And those are guns. I’d have to look at them to tell you which models they are.”
By his tone, Kakashi gathers that ‘guns’ are such a widespread weapon that anyone should be familiar with them without being told. Fascinating.
“Well, as much as I’d find that interesting, I believe it would be in your best interests to depart from here before they get over their fright and come back with more of these ‘guns’, ne?”
“Right. Follow me.”
The man is athletic and quite fast despite his injury, but of course Kakashi has no issues keeping up with someone who doesn’t use chakra. He brings the weapons along, more to not leave them behind to be used against them should they be found than for any particular need to have them. They reach and enter a machine that reminds him of a giant dragonfly except with metal blades instead of wings. Kakashi almost jumps out of his skin at the sheer noise when his companion turns it on.
“I assume you’ve used weapons before even if you haven’t seen a gun prior to this?”
He blinks at the man. That’s an interesting assumption. It makes him wonder if this world has ninjas as well. “Yes.”
“Excellent. Pick one you like the weight of. Point the end with hole in it at anyone who shoots at us, make sure the safety is off, and pull the trigger when you want to shoot. If you run out of ammo, switch guns. Most of those will have a real kick, so brace yourself before you shoot.”
“Safety?”
“A little lever on the side of the barrel near the trigger or on the handgrip. Keeps idiots from shooting their toes off accidentally.”
“Aah.” Note to self, do not point the business end of a gun at oneself. Death by weapon would be sooo embarrassing.
“Try not to fall out.”
“Mmn.” That would be rather awkward. As sticking to surfaces with chakra was a genin-level trick.
~
James curses loudly as the white haired weirdo in an unfamiliar mix of what was obviously combat gear stepped out the heli’s door as if stepping out a lift and disappeared. Bloody hell! He’d just told the man to not fall out!
Then the man sticks his head back in to peer at him, then eye smiles at his expression. “Maa, maa, I’m fine, you just concentrate on flying this rather peculiar airship, ne?”
He doesn’t think it’s his imagination that the bastard is laughing at him. So maybe he growls a little when he snaps, “Just don’t fall off, whitey!”
“Kakashi.” The man corrects, and disappears again.
Cock-eye? Right. Like hell he’s going to call him that. ‘Whitey’ it is. Military nicknames based on personal traits could be weirder than he preferred if given a choice.
He curses again when a bullet strafes the edge of the cockpit and goes back to wrestling with the worrisomely rickety heli. Honestly, he’s surprised that Whitey hadn’t mentioned the shuddering of the machine, given his apparent lack of contact with helicopters previously and the way he’d flinched when the rotors started up.
James almost nosedives the thing as he sees Whitey nonchalantly walk across the nose of the heli, at an impossible angle, as if walking on level ground. What in the devil!?
Fuck it. No. This is not the time. He needs to get them out of here.
And then he’s taking ‘Cockeye’ back with him, because if that’s replicable? He’s going to learn how. Or get Q to replicate it for him, at least.
~
Kakashi has decided that he has a few issues with this world’s methods of travel. The dragonfly shaped airship had been bad enough with the amount of noise and how much it rocked with its awkward mode of movement. The airship shaped like a massive bird, though? It moved fast enough and went high enough that he’d mortifyingly found himself clinging to the blue eyed stranger, whose name is apparently Bond James Bond, face buried against his sturdy shoulder as he struggled to breathe past his panic. Strange naming conventions these otherworlders have. Now, as the plane coasts to a stop, he sees weather that reminds him of Water country and wonders if this too is an island.
“So…this is England?”
Bond lifts his head from the headrest where he’d been half napping and gives him an amused look. “London, England, to be exact. Most civilized place in the world. Do you have plans on where to go from here?”
“Saa…” He doesn’t, of course.
“No? Then why don’t you come with me? I know someone who can tell you all about any weapon you like, and can get you identity papers as well.”
He blinks. “Identity papers? I don’t plan to try to see the Daimyo. Is there a Kage here?”
A funny look passes over Bond’s face for a split second. “You need papers to get any job here, as well as to obtain residency. You’d need another set of papers if you wanted to get in to see the Queen or Prime Minister. But both civilians and the government like to be assured that a person is legally in the country and not a criminal.”
Ah, so it works rather like a Hidden Village, then.
“I suppose identity papers would be welcome, then.” He agrees obliquely.
~
Bond is rather obviously someone important on the not-civilian side of this not-hidden city. The oddly dressed but rather obvious guards at the door wave him through without question with a simple, “He’s with me.” from Bond.
The halls they walk through are both deceptively plain and grandiose in a way that he hasn’t seen outside the mansions of wealthy nobles and the Daimyos palace. The room they walk through has electronics in them that Kakashi has no reference for other than TVs for the large screens, but he’s quite sure they’re not showing pre-filmed movies, and he has no idea what the other ones do.
Bond takes him to an office with a woman called M, who is most definitely Kage-like, despite her lack of chakra, reminds him a bit of Pakkun crossed with Tsunade, and calls Bond ‘James’. He ponders if middle names are the correct mode of address in this world or if he’s missing something as he trails Bond through more halls and rooms to a room full of electronics and manically focused workers speaking into headsets.
There’s a tall blond man casually leaning on the desk of a dark haired man in a sweater and glasses, who looks torn between annoyance and being flattered.
“Alec, quit flirting with Q on the job. He’s busy.” Bond greets them.
The blond man turns and smirks at them. “James. Bothersome as usual, I see. Who’s that with you? And if I didn’t flirt with him while he’s working, he’d be neglected, because he’s always working.”
Bond, no, it’s James, shrugs. “As you say. Q, this is Whitey. Can you teach him about guns? M approved it.”
Q’s eyebrows shoot up. “Me? Personally?”
“I wouldn’t trust anyone else to it.” Bon- James states nonchalantly.
Alec makes a miffed sound, but Kakashi notices that he subtly sidles out from between the other two men, positioning himself for a better place to attack from should there be a fight, if Kakashi is any judge, and he most certainly is.
“Fine.” Q acquiesces shortly. “Now, do you have any other business here, James? No? Then show yourself out.” He switches his intense green gaze to Kakashi. “You’re the one who stepped in and helped James on his mission? Koshi?”
Kakashi eye-smiles at him. “Kakashi Hatake, jounin ninja.”
“Japanese? Well, I suppose ‘scarecrow’ is a family name, yes? Your clan must be rather reclusive to not have at least studied guns before, but no matter. You’ll have to forgive James. For a man who speaks so many languages, he can be very stupid with names. You’ve decided to join SIS, then? James, since you seem to have free time on your hands, go arrange housing and identification for him. Alec, do go with him and make sure he doesn’t forget anything essential. Now then. Since you’re a ‘high ninja’, should I take that as an indication of your family standing within your clan or an indication of your personal skill? I’m afraid I’m not very familiar with the mechanics of modern ninja clans.”
“Saa… Jounin is a rank within my village, indicating skill. I’m the last of my clan, though, since my father died, and he held the same rank. So…?”
“Ah, that makes sense that modern ninja clans would join forces to lessen the number of threats to individual clans.”
“Something like that.” Kakashi agrees, noting the curious looks from both James and Alec and a few more people within earshot. He doesn’t miss the sharpening of Q’s eyes at his answer, and realizes that this man will dig until he gets the truth. Tilting his head slightly, he acknowledges the interest by asking, “Somewhere more private, perhaps?”
He knows, of course, that James hears this, and will be even more determined to find out how he can do things that are impossible for civilians. But, he smirks, making him work for it is half the fun. And unlike Obito, as endearing as the idiot could be, James is actually his type. He’s going to have a lot of fun with this, even if James doesn’t return the interest.
~
Q stares at the white-haired (but probably his-age or only a bit older) ‘high ninja’ in his office, then sighs. “So, where are you really from? You looked confused when I mentioned Japan, only a bit less confused when I said SIS, and there’s literally no travel record for you that I can dig up anywhere other than your trip back with James. Also, I highly doubt there’s any such thing as a modern ninja clan not highly conversant with guns.
Kakashi eye-smiles at him with his visible eye. “Well, I’m from Fire Country of the Elemental Nations. I doubt you’ll believe me, but it’s in a world in another dimension. And unless my idiotic friend manages to survive a fight with an overpowered zombie ninja who used to be one of the ‘gods of ninja’ and an actual goddess who intends to destroy the world, I don’t have a way back.”
Unfortunately…Q thinks he does believe him.
James may have an unfortunate habit of turning off his camera, but he doesn’t ever bother turning off the sound, and Q had managed to access a number of cameras which had shown shaky glimpses of Kakashi calmly doing things that should be impossible even with highly advanced tech.
“Can you see out of your other eye?”
“Yes, but it draws a lot of chakra uncovered.” Kakashi says, pushing up the slanted headband and opening the covered, scarred eye to reveal an eerie red eye with black tomoes spinning lazily in it. After a moment, he pulls the headband down again.
“Chakra. That’s what you used when assisting James’ escape?”
“Yes. I put his pursuers in a light genjutsu to allow me to remove their weapons without issue, a rather complex ward to keep the…guns from hitting me, and a genin level trick to stick to various surfaces. The eye allows me to cast genjutsus more powerfully, and to perfectly remember things I see with it. I don’t need it to cast genjutsus on civilians or those without chakra, and would prefer to not use it, as the eye slowly degenerates with use of those abilities and I am unable to turn the abilities off, as the eye originally belonged to my idiot friend. Am I right to assume that chakra is unknown in this world?”
Q has to consider that for a moment. “Genjutsus are...illusions? Theoretically, there are ninjas and such in the eastern nations such as Japan and China who can use similar abilities, but in general such claims are considered trickery and fraud, or highly dubious at best. The use of magic and unfamiliar power is threaded through the lore of all cultures enough, however, that there could be a bit of truth hidden in the lies.”
“Saa…”
He takes that to mean that Kakashi doesn’t want to confirm the possibility, but thinks it likely for some reason. Interesting. “That mask, is there any particular significance to it?”
Kakashi twitches. “Ninjas wear masks, ne?”
“It makes you highly noticeable. I would suppose that’s the intent, so that if you remove it, you cannot be recognized easily. However, it will make you a suspect in the eyes of civilians, so we’ll come up with a suitable alternative for you to use in daily life and travel. What is your specialty?”
The white haired man sighs beleagueredly and droops dramatically. “Oh, this and that. Though, I suppose tracking would be sufficient, if you don’t have clans like the Inuzuka at your disposal.”
“Tracking? With chakra or some other method?”
Kakashi sighs again, then bites his thumb without removing his mask and bends down to slam his hand on the floor. A rather dramatic puff of smoke results and a pug wearing a vest appears and sneezes.
“Yo, boss. What are you doing in this dimension? It’s been several hundred years since anyone here’s summoned, and you don’t belong here to begin with.”
“Obito.” Kakashi grumbles.
“Oh. Him. I mean, it’s not like it’s a bad thing that you’re here and not there. We don’t know exactly what he did, but he did something insane to the space-time continuum over there and…”
Q grabs onto his desk for support. A talking dog. A talking dog. A talking dog.
He’s not entirely sure he wouldn’t prefer that James had brought home one of his much-rumored deceptive, ‘conspires with the enemy’ bimbos again. On the one hand, he’s fairly sure Kakashi is a reliable ally, but on the other hand, this is going to make his job so much more complicated.
Typical.
Some days he really hates James.