Chapter Text
Oikawa Tōru had been through absolute hell in the last week and had made no effort to hide it-- he simply didn’t have the energy. He felt as if he were a zombie, dead but still somehow on his feet and moving. Things had gotten so bad that, over the course of the school week, both his vice principal and principal separately approached him and offered to let him take paid time off if he needed it-- offers that he was forced to decline, due to the promises he’d made to Kageyama when he swore he’d do whatever it took to win the man he loved back.
Oikawa had promised, in no uncertain terms, that he would continue functioning in society. He would go to work and go to therapy. In fact, he upped his therapy to three sessions a week, feeling that there must’ve been some deep, disturbed reason as to why he actually believed that Iwaizumi was interested in a conversation with him after all these years. As for work, however… he showed up. He taught his students. But he couldn’t force himself to do any more than the absolute bare minimum. His energy level was at rock bottom. He moved slower. He felt like he was teaching less. His students still adored him, so it wasn’t like they were trying to take advantage of his mental absence, but he still felt as if he were doing them a grave injustice by barely doing anything more than reading to them directly from the textbook. Even then, though, that was by far the most effort he had in him. He didn’t have the energy to do his hair in the morning, or to iron his clothes. He barely had the energy to get dressed or brush his teeth. He couldn’t hold food down or sleep and had deep bags underneath his eyes.
Everyone around him noticed the change in his demeanor and it was obvious. Those who didn’t openly confront him and ask what was going on greeted him with half-smiles and eyes filled with pity. It made him feel inhuman. He understood completely why Kageyama moved as far away from Miyagi as he did after his accident.
It was just after 3:30 on a Friday afternoon when Oikawa was finally packing up his bag and getting ready to go home for the day. He frowned as he checked his phone and saw, as usual, that he had no missed calls or messages. He flipped through the stack of tests on his desk, making sure that he had all nineteen papers he needed to grade over the weekend before carefully tucking them into the middle compartment of his bag. He was just logging out of his laptop, getting ready to stow it away as well when a sudden knock on the door jarred him from his thoughts. He thought for a moment about pretending not to be in, dreading the thought of yet another coworker coming in to try to pry about the cause of his clear distress, but he found himself calling out, “Come in”, against his better judgement.
The door opened and his heart stopped.
There, in the doorway, stood Kageyama.
He slowly stood from his chair, unsure if what he was seeing was real, or if he’d finally lost his mind. “...Tobio?”, he finally asked, his voice small and frail. “Uh… hey”, Kageyama replied awkwardly, stepping in and allowing the door to shut behind him, “Do you have a minute to talk?”. “I have forever to talk!”, Oikawa blurted out. Kageyama smiled then stepped closer. His smile quickly faded as he really looked upon the man he loved, though this time he withheld his comments on the matter. Oikawa, however simpered and said, “I know-- I look like shit.” “Oikawa”, Kageyama started, frowning deeply, “I--”. “No”, laughed the older man, sitting on the edge of his desk, “I’ve probably had at least twenty different people tell me how terrible I look over the last week. I’ll admit that no one has said it quite as-- er-- poignantly as you did, but I guess no one else had quite the reason to be as blunt as you did. But-- don’t you worry about it-- I’ve heard from many different people about just how terrible I look.” “But you’re still here”, Kageyama smiled softly, taking another step closer. Oikawa nodded, “I promised I would be”.
“So um”, the younger man started, “I’m just going to cut to the chase here. It’s been a long enough six days as it is.” Oikawa nodded wordlessly, what little color remained in his face quickly draining. “Today I received two visitors”, Kageyama continued, moving to seat himself in the nearest student’s desk to Oikawa’s, “The first of whom was Kawanishi.” Oikawa immediately averted his eyes, seemingly in shame. “...He told me that he ran into you last night and took you out to dinner. He told me you look so terrible that even he feels bad for you. And he asked me to make a decision, regardless of what it is, for both your sake and mine, because it seems like we’re both suffering.” Oikawa bit his lip and nodded. “It was good advice”, Kageyama shrugged, interlacing his fingers and leaning forward, “...even if it wasn’t what I was ready to hear yet.” Oikawa raised a questioning eyebrow, but still no words from the older man.
Kageyama pressed on. “But it was really my second visitor that made me realize that I needed to make a decision, and that no amount of time was going to change what happened.” “W- who was that?”, Oikawa choked out, voice shaking. Looking Oikawa directly in the eye, Kageyama said, “...Iwaizumi.”
Oikawa stumbled from where he stood half-propped up on his desk, falling into his chair. He buried his face in his hands and began sobbing silently, the only sounds escaping being his sharp inhalations. Kageyama stood and approached Oikawa, taking the older man’s former seat against his desk.
“Iwaizumi told me everything that happened. He told me how he got you drunk on purpose, whether you realized it or not. He told me how he preyed on you, getting you to go back to the hotel room by offering you the one thing he knew you wanted when he knew you were completely trashed. He told me that you turned him down-- that you told him you were in love with me-- and that he forced himself on you anyway, because you were too drunk to fight him off.” Occasional sobs were now escaping Oikawa’s throat as Kageyama continued explaining his conversation with Iwaizumi. “He told me that you basically lost your mind when I left, that you hurt yourself and were still trying to go after me. He explained some of the hang ups your break up left him with. And, on his way out, he encouraged me to listen to all of your voicemails, which I still hadn’t listened to. Obviously this is a serious summary of events, but-- well-- after everything that’s happened today, I’ve made my decision.”
Oikawa finally looked up, his face flushed, tears streaming from his eyes. “Tobio, I--”, he cried desperately, his eyes filled with panic and hunger and sheer, true agony, but Kageyama began speaking over him. “Tōru”, Kageyama said, his own eyes filling with tears, “You have no idea how much you hurt me. You might think you do, but you don’t. There are no words to describe just how painful it is to think about what happened, but at the same time it’s literally all I can think about. ...But, if I’m being honest with both of us... I think the only thing that’ll hurt me worse than you cheating on me… is losing you to all of this. I think I understand the situation. And I’m going to choose to believe that you were blackout drunk and were taken advantage of, if not like, outright raped. His wording was fuzzy at best. ...It’s going to be a long time before I can trust you again, and I swear to God, if anything else like this ever happens, I don’t care how bad it hurts, I will leave your ass so fast you’ll get whiplash. But as it stands right now… I mean, god Tōru, I can’t live without you.”
It took Oikawa a few seconds to process the words Kageyama had just spoken; had Kageyama really just agreed to take him back? It was only once the younger man reached out to wipe the tears off of Oikawa’s face that the brunette jumped up and threw his arms around the man he loved so desperately. “Tobio!”, he sobbed into Kageyama’s neck, as Kageyama wrapped his arms around Oikawa, “Oh, God, Tobio-- I thought I lost you!”. Oikawa sobbed openly, while Kageyama’s tears were much more quiet as the two men clung to one another as if their lives depended on it.
“Hey”, Kageyama whispered after nearly forty five minutes of the two men just holding each other in Oikawa’s classroom and crying, during which they sank to the floor and just sat with their arms and legs intertwined. Oikawa simply replied by nuzzling his face deeper into Kageyama’s neck. “Let’s go get some food. Anywhere you want-- your choice-- my treat.” Oikawa mumbled something into Kageyama’s skin, and the younger man sighed in response, “I can’t hear you.” Finally the brunette sat up and shyly smiled, “Let’s get take out and go back to your place.” Rolling his eyes, Kageyama laughed, “I should’ve seen that coming!”.
Oikawa was intensely grateful that the couple didn’t run into any of the brunette’s coworkers as they left the school; if he looked terrible before Kageyama showed up, he couldn’t fathom how he looked after nearly an hour of crying. The couple stayed very close together, holding hands as they walked to and from the restaurant, though they spoke very little; they hadn’t discussed it, but each man worried that any conversation that they could hold could easily lead to more tears.
It was only once they were safely back inside Kageyama’s apartment, well into their dinner of tempura shrimp and vegetables with a side of noodles, that they resumed conversation.
“What I don’t understand”, frowned Oikawa, “is why he did it in the first place. He didn’t have anything to gain. I blocked him on literally everything and told him I want nothing to do with him ever again. It’s not like he’s gonna get some kind of reward for this or anything…”. Kageyama shrugged, “He said that he was ‘trying to do the right thing’. He apparently felt bad for ‘ruining your life’ or whatever. I don’t know. You said his story’s pretty accurate, so I guess, in the end, his motivation doesn’t really matter.” “But it does ”, frowned Oikawa, “What if he’s… I dunno, up to something?”. Kageyama shrugged again. “Again, I don’t think it really matters. He’s going back to America tomorrow, so anything that happens will be long distance. And if he leaves any sort of physical trail it’ll only be to my benefit, as I threatened to tell his fiancee.” Oikawa raised an eyebrow. “You did what?”, he smirked. Kageyama grinned into his noodles. “The piece of shit said she wouldn’t believe me-- and I mean, why would she, if she never had any reason to suspect that he’s gay-- and he said he’d lie through his teeth to her, but I’m still thinking about it.” “You should go for it. I’d help”, Oikawa nodded.
“Hey”, Kageyama said as he chewed over a piece of shrimp, “Speaking of ‘why did so-and-so do that'… Why did you let Kawanishi take you out to dinner last night?”. Oikawa frowned. “I could tell you that he didn’t give me much of a choice”, he started sadly, “And it would be true… but that wouldn’t be the whole truth. The whole truth is that, when you’re that low… you’ll take literally any friendly face. Kawanishi was the first person who didn’t give a shit why I was the way I was-- I mean, I guess partially because he knew why already-- but wanted to help me try to feel better, and to give me a shoulder to cry on. I guess I can see why you like him so much.”
Kageyama nodded. “He’s a good man. He came today to check on me. I didn’t get off the couch for a week basically and he physically threw me in the shower-- with my clothes still on-- and cleaned the apartment for me. Believe it or not, this place did not look like this when he got here this morning.” “I believe it”, Oikawa laughed. “He cares”, Kageyama said thoughtfully, “He made it clear that he still likes me, but he also made it clear that he would be completely supportive if we got back together.” Oikawa thought on this as he slowly chewed over his food. After he swallowed, he smiled softly and said, “If we ever break up, I do think you should give him a chance. Like you said, he’s a good guy. I guess I can’t begrudge someone who obviously cares about you so much.”
“‘Break up’?”, Kageyama repeated incredulously, causing a look of panic to cross Oikawa’s face, “Excuse me? No. You’re in this for life now. After everything you’ve put me through, you’re stuck with me, whether you like it or not.” The look of panic quickly broke out into a massive grin as the older man realized that Kageyama was only pretending to chastise him. “Well, if you insist…”, Oikawa mumbled. “Actually”, started Tobio, his own smile fading as he furrowed his brow, “This may be the stupidest decision I’ve ever made, given everything that’s just happened, but”-- Kageyama took in a deep breath, exhaling through his nose before speaking again-- “I think we should move in together.” “You-- wha?” , asked Oikawa, clearly dumbfounded. “Well”, shrugged Kageyama, feeling a deep flush creeping up his neck, “I mean-- how else am I supposed to keep an eye on you to make sure you’re not doing the things you’re not supposed to? And, like I said, we’re either going to be together forever, so this is just an early step in the right direction, or something else is gonna happen and I’m gonna be gone. And if I leave, I’m not going to stay in Kyoto. I’ll figure something else out. But I mean, if you don’t want to move in together, we don’t have to, I can just--”
Kageyama’s anxious ramble was interrupted when Oikawa lunged across the table and pressed his lips to Kageyama’s for the first time since they’d been separated. And as their kisses mounted in passion and they quickly found their way to the bedroom, the older man’s usually sultry and explicit bedroom talk was instead filled with love and passion. “Please move in with me”, Oikawa begged as he pulled off Kageyama’s shirt, “Or”, he breathed, pressing his lips to the younger man’s neck, “We can sell the condo and buy a new one-- or a house-- just, please, pack your stuff and move in.” “Mmm, Tōru”, Kageyama moaned as the older man sucked on his skin, making his way up to his ear.
“I promise”, Oikawa whispered, once his lips arrived at their destination, “I’ll take care of you. I’ll make sure that nothing ever comes between us again.”
Oikawa pulled back and Kageyama could see that tears had formed in his copper eyes once more. “I love you, Tobio”, Oikawa said, a sob escaping as he suspended himself over the dark-haired man, “I truly, truly do.” “I love you, Tōru”, grinned Kageyama, leaning up to take the older man’s lips in his once more, “And I couldn’t live without you. Promise that you’ll stay with me forever.”
Oikawa wiped a tear that had leaked from one of his eyes and laughed, “How can I say no?”.