malapropism



Recent works

Recent bookmarks

  1. Public Bookmark 30

    Tags
    Summary

    I let the icy wind batter my face as I put my back towards the flickering lights of the bars and brothels and faced the roiling River Seine. As slippery with drink and clouded with the dregs of last week’s ill-advised Pink Elephant Potion as my mind was, I knew that I had not imagined him this time. Sirius Black had sat down at a table across the dimly-lit bistro and, lighting up a cigarette, had stared me directly in the eyes through the smoky haze. He’d flicked a glowing ember onto the red-and-white-checked tablecloth and leaned back in his chair, watching.

    Written for R/S Fireside Tales 2019!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,430
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    17
    Kudos:
    224
    Bookmarks:
    30
    Hits:
    2,869

    21 Apr 2019

  2. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Albus Dumbledore rose to his feet, smiling at them in that way of his, like he knew something you didn't and he was proud of you for it. "Friends," he began.

    The door thudded open and the Marauders burst in, late and pink-cheeked with cold. The headmaster smiled at them, too, and Sirius gave a cheery little salute back.

    Severus sunk lower in his chair, staring witheringly over his butterbeer. "You told Potter about it, too?"

    "He might as well put all that energy to good use," said Lily. "And, to be accurate, I told Remus."

    "But Potter, really?" said Severus.

    "He and Black cooked up a jinx that gives you a boil every time you say a slur to a Muggleborn," said Lily. "It was either invite them to Alice's war club or bake them cookies, and I know where my skills lie."

    Severus sniffed. "Don't come crying to me if he tugs your pigtails."

    "Come crying to me if he pulls yours, and I'll deck him," said Lily.

    (Slight AU in which Severus apologizes, tries harder, and stays friends with Lily)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    27,794
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    35
    Comments:
    1,245
    Kudos:
    14,876
    Bookmarks:
    3,678
    Hits:
    203,478

    18 Nov 2018

  3. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Autumn 1994. A house on a hill and two assholes in love ripping each other limb from limb.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,950
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    31
    Kudos:
    476
    Bookmarks:
    113
    Hits:
    10,818

    01 Nov 2018

  4. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    After the war, Severus became head of the Scrimgeour Lycanthrope Academy. His mandate was simple: Provide them with Wolfsbane and daily occupation. Teach them as you see fit. Report any violent outbursts. Keep them away from regular people.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,408
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    100
    Kudos:
    682
    Bookmarks:
    168
    Hits:
    7,961

    10 Oct 2018

  5. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    In 1993, Gilderoy Lockhart points a stolen wand at Harry Potter and Ron Weasley with the intent to Obliviate them. The wand doesn't backfire. Gilderoy's "discovery" of the Chamber of Secrets is a short-term success.

    Other consequences are not short-term at all.

    Archived Author's Notes:
    I was watching the Chamber of Secrets movie several years back when the scene in question began to play...and immediately I wanted to know what would happen if the wand had done what it was supposed to do. The answer got very complicated, very, *very* quickly.

    Blame Edgar Allan Poe for the title.

    Beta work by Norcumi and Mrs_Stanley. Brit Spellcheck will be performed...soon.

    *I use the first 7 books and the Tales of Beedle the Bard as canon, but there are moments from the films used because they left me with fun things to play with.

    I do not consent to my work being reposted or used in any unofficial apps or other websites. This work is not posted for anyone's profit.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    352,375
    Chapters:
    45/45
    Comments:
    5,665
    Kudos:
    12,585
    Bookmarks:
    5,079
    Hits:
    524,404

    08 Oct 2018