clueless_as_can_be
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Harry Potter, it's your lucky night by clueless_as_can_be
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
06 May 2026
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This isn't how Harry thought his night was going to go
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Lost and Found by clueless_as_can_be for BlueBeards_Wife
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
18 Feb 2026
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After a nuclear war sent the world spiraling into a zombie apocalypse, forcing the Ministry to reveal itself, Harry spends his days smuggling goods between magical and Muggle settlements. Last thing he expects is running into Draco.
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Nils shrugs. “You’re a good starter boyfriend, Simon, but nothing lasts forever.”
What a small man. Four years isn’t forever, but it’s clearly longer than Nils could ever imagine being wanted. It’s Simon’s turn to show him something.
He puts his glass on the bar, then he looks directly at Wilhelm. Wilhelm looks back at him in seconds, part of his attention always centred on Simon. Simon raises a finger and crooks it.
Wilhelm stumbles out of the group and towards Simon. Simon couldn’t push his way in there, but he doesn’t have to. Wilhelm pauses in front of Simon, searching his face.
--
Simon shows the club that Wilhelm is definitively taken.
Bookmarked by clueless_as_can_be
24 Nov 2025
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“Beacon County Sheriff's Department, this is deputy Mahealani speaking.”“Oh thank god!”
“Stiles?”
“I, uh, I need some advice.”
“Advice?”
“Yeah. So, hypothetically, say you met your boyfriend’s mother and sister for the first time ever. Completely by accident. In the grocery store. And they convinced you to help them make a dinner to surprise aforementioned boyfriend when he got home after work. What would you do?”
Danny paused, and then, “Stiles, you don’t have a boyfriend.”
“That’s not the point! And I said hypothetically.”
“Stiles...what are you doing right now?”
***
Stiles never imagined he’d be in Derek’s kitchen cooking a surprise dinner with Derek’s family while they waited for Derek to get home from work.
Partly because their visit was a complete surprise.
But mostly because Stiles didn’t have a boyfriend.
Or even know who Derek was.
But he’d already come this far and Papa didn’t raise no quitter!
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 14,430
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Collections:
- 27
- Comments:
- 1,058
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- 26,870
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- 6,328
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- 243,538
Bookmarked by clueless_as_can_be
06 Oct 2025
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"You know you're allowed to ask for vanilla sex, right?" he says, afterwards. "We can do whatever you want. That's kind of the point."
Derek doesn't respond.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 20,276
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 941
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- 35,158
- Bookmarks:
- 7,978
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- 625,111
Bookmarked by clueless_as_can_be
29 Aug 2025
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Auror trainee Harry Potter does not have a crush on Draco Malfoy. He's just curious about why a former Death Eater is working for the Wizengamot, and that's all. Really.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 12,446
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 42
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- 2,101
- Bookmarks:
- 359
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- 32,310
Bookmarked by clueless_as_can_be
17 Aug 2025
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The money he'd stolen from Hydra has almost run out when he finds a black piece of card stock with blocky capital letters stapled to a telephone pole:
FUNNEL NO. 9
DO YOU HAVE KNIFE SKILLS?
WE NEED YOU
And then below, there's a phone number.
Knife skills? I have knife skills, he thinks. That part is pretty self-explanatory, though he has no idea what Funnel No. 9 could mean. He doesn't really want to get back into the hitman business, but needs must, and Bucky Barnes is a practical man.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 72,867
- Chapters:
- 16/16
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 1,162
- Kudos:
- 4,015
- Bookmarks:
- 1,432
- Hits:
- 62,357
Bookmarked by clueless_as_can_be
15 Jul 2025