Zorianne
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In which everyone has been nerfed down to level one, but for not quite the same reasons as in canon.
Bookmarked by Zorianne
27 Feb 2026
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The dog whines through the cup in its mouth. It drops the thing with a clank and cocks its head.
Astarion sighs. “I,” he enunciates, like this is going to help, “am a vampire. Vam-pie-urr. I drink blood. What am I going to do with a cup?”
The dog barks, as if to say, I am a dog. Dog. I do not speak Common.Bookmarked by Zorianne
12 Feb 2026
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You are ULDER RAVENGARD.
Your son is completely besotted with his fiancé, but you can’t figure out the appeal. He’s spoiled, and petty, and seems chiefly concerned with draining the Ravengard coffers. You are, frankly, at your wits’ fucking end.
Surely the only solution is to declare an INSANE SECRET WAR on him before he can ruin the MIDWINTER'S EVE BALL. This cannot possibly backfire.
[A choose-your-own-adventure Astarion son-in-law simulator. Happy Holidays! Or possibly the opposite of that.]
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 25,638
- Chapters:
- 42/42
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Bookmarked by Zorianne
25 Jan 2026
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After the defeat of the Elder Brain, Ianfir Ancunín learns that his friend Ulder's son is alive. He is so happy for Wyll, and for Ulder. He does his best to support Ulder as he tries to reconcile with his son. But it's hard not to be jealous knowing that his son, Astarion, is dead and will remain dead forever.
(or is he?)
Series
- Part 1 of Papacunín and Mamacunín
Bookmarked by Zorianne
30 Dec 2025
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Summary
Astarion is getting on Shadowheart’s nerves, and she decides to bite back with an increasingly obvious string of references to his ‘secret’ condition. Gale is the only companion who catches on.
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Blades out, is it? Well, she is game if he wants to play.
“I am simply enjoying a day’s reprieve from the grumblings of a certain grouchy githyanki,” she informs him cheerfully. “A most agreeable absence. She usually sets my teeth on edge.”
Clicking his tongue in understanding, Astarion nods. “I may have noticed a somewhat … lingering tension between you and Lae’zel,” he allows, giving Shadowheart a sly smile. “Nothing I’m sure the two of you couldn’t work out over a few hours some night when the rest of us have gone to sleep, though.”
“I find her to be perfectly insufferable,” Shadowheart retorts blithely. “Though perhaps not nearly so great a pain in my neck as your attempts to get a rise out of me. Or worse; your flirting.”
Bookmarked by Zorianne
19 Dec 2025