Chapter Text
Sirius has never been more worried for his sister— brother! Shit. This was going to be hard to remember. And that first thought was a blatant lie, any situation is a piece of cake compared to their parents and their impeccable raising techniques, but Sirius is still worried, for multiple reasons. Firstly, this whole girl-now-boy thing that Reggie apparently didn’t even want, which is hanging over him. Sirius is stressed just thinking about it, having to hide any huge secret like that is not fun. But there’s nothing he can do right now, sitting a good many metres away from his younger sibling. How could Reg not get put into Godric? It’s ridiculous! Sirius can’t name any pair of siblings that weren’t in the same house.
“Earth to Padfoot.” Sirius whips his head back from where he was staring at his brother, who has sat down in the group of Salazar year 9s. James stares at him, like he’s trying to see what’s on his mind.
“What’s up? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so, uh, distracted.” James can read him like a book, and rightly so, considering they’ve been joined at the hip since year 8 when they met. Sirius didn’t believe in soulmates until he met James, they’re linked in consciousnesses. James Potter, his other half, the boy who finishes his sentences and thinks his thoughts. The boy who thinks he’s god’s gift to humanity, but truly does act like it. He has an effortless hero complex that Sirius has been trying to copy since they met.
“It’s Reggie,” Sirius admits to his best friend, “sh— he’s… sensitive, and I’m worried because he’s never been in a school like this before,”
“He certainly doesn’t seem sensitive,” James laughs, “it’s good that you care for him, but I wouldn’t worry so much, I think he can look after himself,”
“You’re right, you’re right, it’s just…”
“It’s just what?”
“I’ve always looked out for him, when we were kids, but then I left for Atterbury, and I feel like I need to make up for the two years that I wasn’t there for him,”
“Oh, I think I get it now…” James glances over at where Regulus sits at the Salazar table, “don’t worry, we’ll make an effort to hang out with him when we have time outside class, and you can do all the older brother stuff you want to.”
“Thanks James, you’re a real mate,” Sirius grins at him, earning a bigger one is response. “Now onto more important topics: pranks! What are we pulling this year? Last year’s rat prank was far too schoolboyish, we need to think out of the box now!”
“We are school boys, Pads,” Remus chides softly, gazing intently at the intricacies in the wooden table they’re seated at. The tables are covered in food already, but the boys haven’t touched it yet, knowing that their headmaster has his yearly welcome speech to complete before dinner.
“Moony, stop being the voice of reason, and start backing me up,” Sirius says, causing the boy to look up at him, with his eyebrows raised sightly in amusement. Remus’ eyes connect with his, warm brown rimmed by long lashes and those perfectly pale scars and something happens to Sirius that has never happened before. At this very brief moment of eye contact, a flutter of butterflies skims through him, flapping excessively in his stomach. What the fuck was that? Sirius looks away quickly, worried to look back into the irises that caused such a strange reaction.
“I’ll always back you up,” Remus says with a sigh, and the butterflies fizz around with even more fervour. All thoughts of any prank lost, Sirius has only just become very confused about how the voice of the tall boy seems to be spreading like electricity through his body, reaching all ends, when their banter is interrupted.
“Students, students, settle down,” Headmaster Dumbledore’s voice booms through the hall, quieting the hoards with impressive speed. Once the silence has reached its maximum, he speaks again. “Welcome back to another year at Atterbury, I hope you had a good summer of foolishness and are ready to restart your educations!” There’s a brief pause which some students take as an opportunity to clap. “A special welcome to our new year 8s, and anyone starting their journey with us! Please remember to find a teacher or a prefect if you have any queries, we are here to help. Now, a few announcements for the upcoming year. I’m going to list these quickly so we can get to our wonderful feast as soon as possible, so listen up boys. Firstly, we have received confirmation that our school may contribute to the North East team for the junior rugby national cup next year, so if you play rugby for the Atterbury team, and would like to apply to join the North East team, please find the form in the common room of your house, fill in the information, and give it to Madam Hooch. Please remember the forest located along the edge of the school is off limits, which is why it is termed the Forbidden Forest. Years 10 to 12, please give your signed Hogsmeade forms to your heads of houses. Extra-curricular sign-up sheets are posted outside the Great Hall, and I think that’s about everything! Eat up, Atterbury boys, and let’s have ourselves a merry year!”
James stares blankly at the headmaster for one weighted second before beginning to hit Sirius very hard on the arm.
“Ow, Prongs! Stop it!”
“Sirius!! Did you hear him? This is our chance, we can apply! We have the opportunity to play for the region, this is huge! This is a step towards us playing rugby professionally!” James is about to burst out of his skin.
“James, JAMES!” Sirius grabs the boys shoulders, “This is amazing, you’re definitely going to get in, and you’re going to help the North East win the whole thing!”
“I’m going to get in, I’m going to get in and— wait, you’re not going to apply?” James’ excitement comes to a stark halt.
“I… I don’t think so Prongs, I love rugby, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t think it’s what I want to do for the rest of my life,”
“But, last year you said that’s what we would do…”
“I know, and I’m sorry mate, but I can’t see myself committing to it,”
“Oh… it’s alright Padfoot! You supporting me is all I need.” James throws his arm over Sirius’ shoulder and Sirius feels incredibly bad, especially because his best friend always understands, always sees the positive every situation. He’s letting him down, and all James does is smile and understand. “And we’ll find something for you to do after school.” Sirius stares at the determined look on James’ face, feeling more like a fraud than ever. They’ve got three years left at Atterbury, but nearly everyone’s decided their career path by now, or they at least have an idea. Sirius has… well, nothing. He fed off James’ hunger for rugby last year as much as he could, but the summer washed that away quickly, leaving behind no viable options and only a thirst to prove himself. He wants to be something, he’s decided, someone that people know, someone that causes ripples in the world. He just has no clue how to be that person.
“Can I eat now, or do I have to wait for you lot?” Wormtail asks, staring at the mountains of food in the middle of the table.
“Go ahead Wormy,” Sirius laughs, turning his focus away from the negatives of life, as he does so often, and they all tuck in.
Sirius can’t help it, he keeps turning around to check on Reggie. His younger brother is sat between two snarky-looking year 9s, whom Sirius recognises as Crouch and Rosier. They’re both incredibly stuck-up, smart, and think they’re better than everyone, even their superiors. Sirius wouldn’t touch them if they were dying, but they are exactly like Reggie. They seem to be talking, and this shocks Sirius a far amount more than it should. Because, well, Regulus has never been the talkative type, even when he was Regine-Marie, even when the Black children were in the single digits and used to galavant around the halls of the Manor playing imaginary games when their parents were not home. What could they be talking about? Sirius is dying to know, physically aching to get up and go over there, check on his brother, but he can’t, because Regulus would be very annoyed with him, and it would draw attention to him.
“Hear me out: we steal all their school uniforms,” James proposes, midst a mouthful of roast vegetables. Remus shakes his head in despair.
“They’ll just wear their civvies to class and look better than everyone else in uniforms,”
“Fuck, you’re right,” James hits himself on the head comically.
“Wow, look at you, all grown up and swearing,” Sirius turns back to his friends, grinning at James.
“Since you’ve had such a foul mouth since you were eleven, I would say you’ve influenced me,”
“Har, har,” Sirius says.
“We could take their uniforms and their civvies?” Pete suggests.
“I don’t wanna see the Salazars naked.” Sirius curls his lip in disgust. “No there has to be something more permanent, something they can’t weasel their way out of.” he chews the end of his finger for a second, brow scrunched in concentration, then pauses in a way that his friends know by now means he just had a truly horrendous and brilliant idea. “You guys know how the Salazar dormitories are the only ones on the left side of campus?”
“Yeah…” James confirms.
“And Godric, Leander, Nevan, and the gyms are on the right side of campus,”
“Where are you going with this?” Pete asks.
"Oh god, I think I know.” Remus puts his head in his hands.
“That means it’s a great idea,” Sirius grins, “that stupid test we did on school history is finally becoming useful! The dormitories were built last, out of nearly everything on the school grounds, and the Salazar house was only added at the end of the 1900s cause of the huge inflow of students. The showers, the fucking showers!”
“What is he on about?” James asks, looking confused.
“The pipes, James,” Remus explains, “the plumbing to Salazar is separate from the rest of the school, so if there was a problem with the plumbing to Salazar, it would affect Salazar only,”
“We’re going to mess with their water supply!” Sirius practically yelps. “I dunno what the specifics will be, but we can either cut their flow, or add something to it or…”
“Do not say we’ll link the sewerage pipes up to the water one,” Remus rubs his forehead in pain.
“That’s disgusting! That’s terrific!” James says.
“We’ll all end up in detention,” Remus reminds them.
“You say that every time, but we never get caught!” Sirius is gleeful.
“I think we just found our 10th year prank!” James says. Him and Sirius are bouncing in their seats, shaking each other in anticipation. “And on the first night of the school year too, this is far earlier than we usually come up with something - it’s a sign! This will be our best prank yet!”
“Good idea Remus!” Pete chimes in.
“No, no, Sirius thought of it, I just made the mistake of realising what he was scheming.”
“Moony, oh Moony, your brain is on the same brainwave as mine, you’re a true soulmate!” Sirius exclaims. Remus scoffs at this, rolling his eyes.
“Hey! I thought I was your soulmate!” James jokes.
“Oh, wait, you are… well then, then, Remus is my… uh, my heartmate!” Sirius blurts it out before he realises what he’s said. He shuts his mouth promptly. Wait, shit, I shouldn’t have said that, what if he takes it to mean…
“I’m wounded.” James fakes being stabbed, and laughs, joined by Pete. “I thought I was the only one you loved.” Sirius joins their laughter too, as a means to avoid eye-contact with Remus, whom he just called his ‘heartmate’. He will definitely go very red if he looks up. He needs to change the conversation now.
“So James, you really didn’t get into detail about Lily… what happened?”
“I already said I can’t tell you,” James frowns.
“Of course you can! You tell us everything.”
“This is… different.”
“How is it different?” Sirius knows he’s hounding James, and it’s not really a good thing to do to someone, but they’re friends, they’re best-friends, and he cannot understand that there might be something that James won’t tell him.
“She was really horrible first.”
“What? I mean, I know she’s usually quite blunt, but she’s not, like, very bad,”
“It was… pretty mean of her, this time… but then she stopped herself, and said she regretted what she said, and then she… said some other stuff.”
“Said some other stuff?” Pete questions through a forkful of potatoes. James groans.
“I really can’t tell you, but she was very nice about it, and we hugged and we’re friends now,”
“Wait, you’re friends now?” Sirius raises his eyebrows, “that’s kinda suspicious…” he narrows his eyebrows. “What did Lily tell you?”
“For the hundredth time I can’t tell anyone!” James looks overwhelmed at the interrogation, “she will tell you herself if she wants you to know, I can’t say anything else.”
“Stop bullying James for information guys,” Remus says, currently looking down at something on his phone. Sirius wonders if he’s texting someone.
“Speaking of the girls, we should ask them if they want to hang out this weekend, now that we have permission to go to Hogsmeade!” James eagerly tries to move on.
“When has having permission ever stopped us,” Sirius laughs.
“Well… never, but now we don’t have to be sneaky, we can walk out the front gate of Atterbury without Filch trying to shoot us,”
“Ah, what a luxury that will be,” Sirius says dramatically, holding his hand against his chest. “But yeah, we should go to Puddifoots or something, somebody remember to message the girls.”
They finish their dinner quickly, as the light outside changes from the warm grey of dusk to a dark navy. Pete and James get up first, talking to each other about the Home Economics elective they take. Sirius and Remus walk after them, strolling next to each other in silence, following the path to Godric dorm. Sirius tried to look for Reggie when all the students left the Great Hall, but he couldn’t see him, and by now he would be on the other end of campus, settling into Salazar. The thought leaves a bad taste in Sirius’ mouth, he’s got a bad feeling about Reggie not being in the same house as him. But his brain is full to the brim with many things, his own disappointment, worrying about his brother, and now also…
Remus had been on his phone for most of dinner, and still is while they walk, now definitely texting someone.
“Are you messaging the girls?” Sirius asks, unable to help himself, looking up at his friend. They have a group chat with the girls, so they can organise meet-ups, and everyone can stay updated on each school’s drama. Sirius thinks he might add Reggie to it at some point.
“No,” Remus responds, “but I’ll do it just now,”
“Who are you messaging then?” At this question, Remus gives him a quizzical look.
“Someone who asked me out,” he responds simply.
“Oh,” Sirius feels… well, he’s not sure how he feels, but he can deem it ‘not great’.
“From over the summer?” He says it softly. Remus hadn’t messaged him much over the summer, well, he hadn’t messaged any of them much, but Sirius feels sore about it.
“Yeah,”
“You didn’t tell me,”
“Do you want me to tell you things like this?”
“I— yes, of course Moons.” Sirius thinks this is a very weird conversation that they are having, “I want you to tell me everything,” he frowns, unsure as to why this has to be clarified.
“Okay, then,”
“… so what’s she like?”
Remus doesn’t respond for a long minute.
“It’s not a she,” Remus says finally. Sirius’ brain now has to pause. What? Did I hear that correct? It’s a modern age, and homosexuality is not a crime anymore, it’s becoming more and more accepted, but boys schools are always a few years behind in terms of progression. Atterbury is… not the most tolerating of their students not being straight, as the whole ideology is to be a strong man, and with that comes the expectation to get a girlfriend and be the provider in the relationship. And, well, Atterbury Academy is also the chosen school of countless high-class, pretentious families, most of whom would not even consider their conceited offspring to be anything but heterosexual. It’s a modern world, but less so a modern school and community. Hence, Sirius is rather disinclined as to what to say to Remus, and even what to think. Remus is… gay? The word sounds like taboo in his head. He’s been taught it’s a bad thing, like being a murderer, or having lice, or something like that. He has vivid memories of Orion and Walburga scowling at the television when an actor came out as gay a few years ago, making comments about how its ‘disgusting’ and ‘unnatural’. Sirius will admit that he’s a little sheltered when it comes to these things, and he’s only ever been told that it’s not the correct way of life. But Remus is Remus, there’s nothing wrong with him so surely… this can’t be that bad of a thing.
“Oh, okay,”
“That’s it? Just okay?”
“Uh, yeah, I guess,”
“You guess?”
“I’m not entirely sure what to say,”
“You don’t have to say anything,” Remus sounds annoyed now, and Sirius’ heart pangs.
“I just mean, I haven’t met anyone… uh, gay, before,” This conversation is getting worse and worse. Remus snorts.
“Who said I was gay?”
“You’re not?”
“I’m bi,”
“What’s that?”
“Are you serious?” Remus nearly yells.
“I am Sirius,” At this point it’s automatic for Sirius, and he cringes as he says it, but he can’t stop himself.
“This is ridiculous,” Remus sighs, “Bi as in bisexual; I like both girls and boys,” he says and boys, and it rings uncomfortably obviously through Sirius’ head.
“Oh… how did you, uh, find out?”
“I—” he cuts himself off as soon as he begins, shaking his head.
“You what?” Sirius asks.
“I… kissed a boy.” and Sirius’ is unable to stop the image of Remus kissing, well, a boy, and his brain is fully rebooted. His cheeks feel very hot. He glances over at Moony to see that he, too, has a faint pinkness blooming on his face.
“Was it good?”
“Clearly,” Remus laughs, relaxing a bit. Sirius instantly feels relieved, glad to have his normal Moony back.
“Was it different?”
“Yes, but not fundamentally,” always trust Remus to explain things well, “but I think if you like someone, it’s good, regardless of their gender,” they make eye contact as he says this, and for some strange reason, Sirius’ heart rate speeds up.
“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Sirius says, “Have you told anyone?”
“No,” Remus says, gazing forward again, “well, only you now,”
“Thank you for telling me Moons, thanks for, uh, trusting me.” Sirius feels like he’s reaching but he’s clearly said the right thing because Remus nods and tries not to smile into the evening air.
The night air is cold, the remnants of winter making themselves obvious with a chilly wind. Sirius is shivering, and he’s trying incredibly hard not to shiver, but he left all his jackets in his suitcases. It’s still a five minute walk to Godric, not far, but far enough that he knows it’ll be unpleasant. Remus starts pulling off his jacket, it’s a brown suede one, with a fleece lining and a collar. He’s wearing a patterned cardigan underneath, and Sirius wonders why he’s taking his jacket off, is he that hot? — The jacket is promptly thrusted into Sirius’ hands.
“Wh— thanks,” Sirius murmurs sheepishly, pulling the jacket on. He’s instantly much warmer, the fabric soft against his bare arms. He’s surrounded by the smell of Remus, parchment and cigarettes, and this musky cologne he uses that could imitate a forest. The scent goes straight to his head, making him feel very warm and safe. Oh, he’s missed this, not having to be on edge all the time, being able to completely relax in the comfort of his friends. Summer was long and horrible, but he made it, he made it back here, to Atterbury, to them.
They reach Godric and file in with the other students in their house, the four friends tramping up the stairs to their dorm room. Their suitcases are stacked neatly against their respective beds, a royalty they don’t even notice as they collapse into the room.
“I dibs showering first!” Pete says, causing everyone to complain, but he’s somehow already grabbed his towel and closed the bathroom door.
“I bet he packs his towels on top of everything else just so he can shower first,” Sirius grumbles.
“Probably,” James chuckles. “I’m gonna grab some tea from downstairs while I wait, you guys want some?” Sirius and Remus both nod, and thank James as he slips out the door.
Sirius, tired from the tedious trip and stressed about his brother, melts, fully-clothed, onto his bed.
“Sirius.” Remus is standing over him.
“What?”
“My jacket,”
“No leave it, it smells nice,” Sirius rolls over so he can see Remus, crosses his arms pointedly, enveloped in the jacket, and pouts. It’s childish, really, but he can see Remus’ resolve crumbling.
“Fine, fine, whatever you want Pads,” he retreats.