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Most of the time when they had an idea or wanted to try something they talked about it first; Shane made a plan or Ilya did and then they tried it. Sometimes there was trial and error, see what they liked and what they didn't. Maybe try again, stuff like that. This time it started off a little differently.
“Shanya?” Ilya approached him mid-way through one of the latest biographies that Shane had been reading. It was a long one about Derek Sanderson, he had read it before, the man was a trailblazer in the seventies. He was almost finished with the page so held up a finger to indicate that he was almost finished and he would be with Ilya in a minute. His husband waited patiently, he knew that Shane needed to find a natural stopping point when reading.
“What’s up?” Shane raised his eyes from the book as he reached for his bookmark, ready to put it down and help Ilya with whatever he needed.
“I wanted to ask you about something.” Ilya seemed subdued, but that was nothing new for the last few days. He had been having a bad week overall, and Shane had tried to be as accommodating as he could, but even he could only do so much on days like this.
Shane laid his book aside and watched Ilya watch his hands before the blonde’s gaze returned to his face. Shane watched him shuffle on his feet a little, bashful suddenly and wondered what that was about. A curious blush coloured Ilya’s cheeks slightly, giving his usually sun kissed skin a beautiful glow. Ilya was rarely shy about anything.
“Do you want to come sit?” Shane patted the couch next to him after a few seconds of Ilya standing nervously in the doorway, biting his lip and clearly debating how to ask or talk about what he wanted. Shane watched him for a little while longer before he thought of a different tactic, one that he had noticed seemed to calm Ilya on his rougher days, sometimes.
Shane looked between Ilya and the armchair he usually sat in before leaning forward to pluck the back cushion from the chair. Ilya didn't move, just watched him silently while he fluffed it a little before setting the large cushion on the floor at his feet, his legs spread so his feet bracketed either side of the large cushion. Leaning back to slouch just slightly so he was sitting comfortably and fluffing his own cushions, he made sure he would be able to sit for a while. Then he pointed to the cushion at his feet and loosed one single command.
“Sit.”
The simple word hung in the air, weighted a little but only long enough for Ilya’s posture to change, like his strings had been cut, every tense line of his body cleared. Shane didn't react, he just waited, his finger still pointed at the cushion, waiting to see if Ilya would take what Shane was offering.
Ilya nodded his agreement, his words still stoppered up it seemed, his head bobbing a little as he moved closer. Shane waited while Ilya lowered himself to the cushion, settling onto his knees and scooching as close to Shane and the couch as he could. Shane let him settle before he reached one hand out and cupped his husband’s face.
“I know you came to talk to me about something, and I know that you seemed to have used up all your words for now.” Shane began, “Now, we both know I can’t read your mind, no matter how much I wish I could sometimes.”
Ilya’s eyes closed as he listened, leaning closer to Shane and letting his head weigh a little heavier in Shane’s palm.
“There are days like today where I wish I could see inside that beautiful brain of yours so I could find all these things that are making you sad and take them away.” Shane swallowed around the lump in his throat as he spoke, the catch in his voice bring tears to Ilya too. “I know you know that there isn't a lot that I wouldn't do for you, and the little I would deny you, has more to do with Hockey than how much I love you.”
Shane tried to break the melancholy that had settled over them with a little joke and brightened when he saw Ilya’s lips quirk just slightly.
“Now, I won't push you. I won't force you to talk, and I won't make you ask me for what you want if you can't.” Shane began, “If this is all you need, my attention as you sit quietly then that is what we will do.”
Ilya shook his head then, his eyes flicking to Shane’s book and back again a few times before settling back on Shane’s face.
“Maybe you want to sit and be with me while I read?” Shane tried and sighed with relief when Ilya nodded a little against his hand, but he saw the way Ilya’s eyes darted away, just for a millisecond, but it was enough. “But there is something else you want?”
Ilya nodded again, and Shane tried to think of what it could be. In the meantime he helped Ilya get more comfortable between his legs, his body slotted sideways as his head lay on Shane’s thigh. Shane carded his fingers through Ilya’s curls for a few minutes while he ran through the options but eventually, he couldn't do anything but ask.
“Okay, so because I can't think of a single other thing you would want to do other than to sit with me... Do you want me to read to you?” Shane asked but Ilya shook his head again. “That’s fine. So, what I am going to do is pick up my book and continue to read and you will sit there and think about what it is you want to ask me.”
Ilya nodded, a look of peace settling over his face as he closed his eyes.
“Hey, we aren't finished.” Shane patted him gently on the cheek and watched as Ilya’s brow furrowed and settled into the look he often wore when he was being a menace but eventually opened his eyes to gaze up at Shane. “If you decide you don't want to talk or ask me about what you came in here for then that’s fine. If you want me to stop reading or pay some attention to you then poke my thigh. If you have figured out what you want to say but don't want me to look at you while you get it out, pat me once and I will keep my eyes on my book. If you want me to look at you, pat me twice, and if you want to get up, pat me three times and we will cuddle on the couch for a bit.”
Ilya nodded his agreement at the terms, but Shane kept his eyes on his husband until Ilya settled back down and closed his eyes again before picking up his book.
He made it through a further eight pages before a single pat to his thigh interrupted his reading. He held a finger to the line he was on but stopped reading, keeping his eyes on his book unless he felt another pat. There wasn't one, and instead Ilya’s voice filled the quiet room. A little croaky with disuse from being quiet for days but loud enough for Shane to hear him clearly.
“I was reading something on my phone about subspace.” Ilya began and Shane blinked; he hadn't heard the word before but made a mental note to do his own research. “I heard that it is something that can help when someone is feeling overwhelmed with the world.”
Shane kept his eyes on his book like he had promised but didn't read anymore, he needed his full attention on his husband.
“There was something that was described as an activity to try to see if it was something that would help, something that was low stakes and not that hard to do. No equipment needed or planning, maybe only a little bit of aftercare.” Ilya continued and Shane boggled a little at some of the new words his husband was using. They would need to have a proper conversation about this later.
“It is called cockwarming, and I wanted to ask you if you would let me... If I could sit and do that while you read but I... I didn't know how to ask without sounding stupid.” Ilya said next and when he was finished Shane waited to see if there would be anything more before he spoke. When it became apparent that there was nothing else coming, he replaced his bookmark and laid the book back onto the couch next to him.
“Ilya.” Shane began but wasn't sure how he would continue from there, more than a little stuck.
“I think we have been doing this thing anyway.” Ilya told him, his eyes still closed but a finger tracing patterns on Shane’s thigh by his cheek. “We sit like this sometimes and afterwards I feel better, I feel like the thing in my brain that has made me sad has quieted and it is because I can spend some quiet time with you.”
“Really?”
“I have been reading for a while about it because I saw something about Dom/Sub dynamics and I realised that might have been doing those things by accident sometimes.” Ilya explained. “So, then I started reading some other things and when I found out about subspace, I thought it explained a few things and I even... I asked Galina.”
“What did she say?” Shane asked, carding his fingers through curls on the top of Ilya’s head and watching his husband's lips move as he spoke.
“She said that some people find solace in it, but it wasn't a fix-it. That it should never be used in the place of actual help if its needed but that it can be like meditation. Different people describe it differently.”
“And you want to try cockwarming?” Shane asked and watched Ilya’s eyes blink open before he turned his head up to face Shane.
“I read about this and I thought that it sounds fun, and that if it doesn't work or doesn't help then either way, we have tried it.” Ilya told him.
“So how does this work? What do I need to do?” Shane asked next and watched Ilya’s lips quirk.
“You do nothing, you just sit there and be my amazing husband who loves to read.” Ilya told him, the finger that had been drawing shapes stopped and Ilya took a breath. “You continue to read and I will lay here with your cock in my mouth, just existing as a warm hole for your cock. I won't suck or lick or try to distract you.”
A bolt of heat shot through Shane at the idea; he had always loved Ilya’s mouth on him. He wondered if he would be able to keep still and not want Ilya to suck him but then he thought of how this was for Ilya. If this helped just a little bit, then he could keep his libido in check. He swallowed around the saliva that had begun to pool a little in his mouth and nodded at Ilya who smiled wide.
“Go...” Shane’s voice cracked. “Go ahead then.”
Ilya didn't wait any longer, he leaned forward to pull down Shane’s sweatpants, tugging lightly until Shane raised his hips just enough for him to tuck them under his balls. He went commando most of the time while at home and he was never more glad of it than right now. Ilya eyed his semi-hard cock just a little before using two delicate fingers to lift it. Shane slouched further and watched Ilya lean forward, settle himself close enough to tuck Shane’s cock between his lips before he laid his head on Shane’s thigh and closed his eyes.
Shane watched himself twitch and could feel himself hardening so quickly picked the book up in hopes to distract himself from the sinful feeling of Ilya’s lips around his cock. It didn't work right away; he had to go back and read passages twice or three times to really get the words to sink in at first. Too distracted by Ilya’s shifting, Shane didn't complain, he was probably trying to get into a comfortable position. Shane could also feel Ilya’s mouth fill with drool every few minutes and then Ilya swallow around him, his lips and his cheeks moving and Shane had to tense his thighs to keep from shifting or thrusting when it felt particularly good.
Eventually though Ilya stopped moving, his weight pressed against one of Shane’s legs and his arms folded to rest on his thighs. It was comfortable and Shane was able to focus on the book in his hand a little more, enough that he no longer had to go back and re-read sections. Ilya’s mouth even stopped suckling and swallowing the pooled saliva as often. It felt nice. Relaxing in a way he hadn't expected it to. It felt oddly less sexual even though Ilya had his cock in his mouth.
Shane made it three pages before he needed to touch Ilya, needed to ground himself by telling himself that his husband was there and safe and happy. He didn't know why he felt this well of emotion so suddenly, maybe it was because of Ilya’s vulnerable state before they started this, or because his brain couldn't fathom being held in Ilya’s mouth without an orgasm.
He shifted the thick book into one hand, reaching down to card his fingers through Ilya’s hair, toying with the curls a little. He took a deep breath and raised the book enough that he could take a peek at Ilya. Only to find the man already looking up, his eyes liquid through wet lashes, streaks of tears making his cheeks shiny in the dim lamp light.
Shane threw the book aside, not a moment of hesitation as he rubbed his thumb through the salt of Ilya’s tears.
“Are you okay?” Shane asked, low and uncertain. Ilya nodded, mouth still full around Shane’s cock. Shane sucked in a breath as the movement made his dick twitch, Ilya’s tongue caressing the underside where he was most sensitive.
“Are you sure?” Shane asked just to make sure and received another nod in return. Ilya looked almost peaceful but Shane, he felt a little like his turmoil was increasing.
“You know I've never felt more like a pervert than I do now, looking at you like this. I feel so depraved because you look so pretty with these tears on your face, your lashes wet and your eyes so blue.” Shane told Ilya, their eyes stuck on each other’s. “When I was younger, I used to look back at us in that gym and feel like I was being inappropriate because I couldn't take my eyes off of you. I couldn't stop looking even though I knew it was dangerous to advertise like that.”
“I felt better when I could see you liked it, but it would still plague me a little because I had been no better than those people you hear about, ogling attractive people and making them feel like they were being objectified.” Shane explained, Ilya already knew this, but he needed to talk. He didn't know if it was easier because Ilya couldn't or wouldn't answer him back. They talked a lot more now than they had ever before, Shane even attended a few of Ilya’s sessions when he needed the buffer or felt they did. It was better, but there were still times where Shane couldn't get words out about how he felt and this, this was helping.
“I didn't think about how it had taken me no time at all to memorise the bear on your shoulder, and how I knew that you had altered it to add the eighty-one. The hidden number that nobody else really saw and I knew it was there. I watched every interview but told myself that it meant nothing, that I was keeping my eyes on the competition.”
Ilya blinked at him and swallowed, his tongue moving slowly and Shane groaned around the stimulation. Shifting just enough to press his cock deeper, just a little, just enough to have Ilya swallowing again, adjusting how he his head was tilted. It felt a little like punishment, but Ilya’s eyes sparkled with something that looked amused.
“Oh, don’t look at me like that.” Shane groaned, it was that look, the one that usually accompanied Ilya saying something when they were kids that made Shane want to teach him a lesson or suck his dick. “You're lucky that I haven't come yet, watching my husband sit so sweetly at my feet and take my cock into his mouth, and you expect me to sit still for longer than...” Shane looked up at the clock in the room and sighed, a little aggrieved.
“Longer than thirty minutes.”
Ilya pulled away then, letting Shane’s cock flop back against his shirt to leave a wet cock print against the fabric. Shane tutted and lifted his shirt out of the way enough to get it out of the way. Ilya tipped his neck to one side and then the other, cracking the joints in his spine a little before he leaned forward to lip at Shane’s shaft.
“Do you want me to continue? Do you want to stop? Do you want to hold me still and use my mouth to get off?” Ilya asked these questions between kisses and sucks to Shane that were nothing more of a tease, meant to break Shane’s resolve. Which was rich because it had been Ilya who wanted this in the first place, Shane knew what he was doing.
Despite Shane knowing Ilya’s intentions, Shane couldn't stop the images they provided. Him fucking into his husband’s throat, holding him still and watching his eyes water as he swallowed around his cock. It was sinful and depraved and everything Shane hadn't known he even wanted.
Taking a deep breath, he looked down at Ilya and stroked his fingers through his hair once and then twice, scratching at his scalp just a little. Just enough to make Ilya purr and make his eyes roll back just a little in pleasure. Luring Ilya in a little until his mouth dropped open as he moaned sweetly before his grip firmed enough to keep Ilya still. Enough for him to guide his cock back between Ilya’s lips. Pressing Ilya deeply and feeling the back of his throat constrict just a little around the blushed head of his cock.
Ilya swallowed rhythmically but Shane didn't want to come, he wanted to make Ilya regret teasing him. He held him still for a little longer before pulling back just enough to be on the edge of what Ilya could hold comfortably. Shane watched as Ilya tried to tilt his head one way and then the other, watched him figure out that he couldn't hold that much of Shane’s cock and rest his head anywhere on Shane’s thigh. He would need to be higher, he needed to press his nose and cheek to Shane’s pelvis.
Shane watched him figure it out but didn't relinquish his hold until Ilya was finished shifting and moving about. Gritting his teeth to hide his reaction to the pleasure he was feeling even while his cock twitched and throbbed and gave him away.
“Are you comfortable?” Shane asked eventually and watched Ilya nod, then choke a little as he accidentally took in more of Shane’s cock. “Good.”
Shane picked up his book and flicked through pages, reading the top lines one every page until he was pretty sure he was back where he was supposed to be. He read for a few minutes, a page and a half, not really taking in the words before he reached down and wrapped his finger sin those curls once again and began to move Ilya how he wanted him.
Sliding his cock in and out of Ilya’s mouth in a slow and languid pace that whilst nowhere near what he would need to come, it was everything he needed right then. Ilya tried to contribute, using his tongue and swallowing, suckling lightly, but the moment he started, Shane stopped. He held Ilya still before burying the last few inches of his cock once again. He kept his eyes on the book the whole time, pretending to read, and even turning a page before returning his hand to Ilya.
Lightly touching his cheeks, rubbing his thumb over the seam of his lips and threatening to push inside beside his cock. He dragged his nails through the shorter hair at the back of Ilya’s head before tickling behind his ear. He “read” a few more pages, more this time than he had before by two, but he didn't wait too long.
This time he laid the book on his chest and gripped the side of Ilya’s head on both sides with his hands, dragging his cock slowly out until just the head rested, cresting just past Ilya’s lips.
“Stick your tongue out baby.” Shane told him and cooed as Ilya opened his mouth wide, his tongue covering his bottom row of teeth and lying flat and pink. Shane didn't hesitate to begin to thrust against the muscle, rubbing his cock head and the pre-come he was leaking over every inch. It felt fucking phenomenal.
“So good for me fuck, you take it so well baby.” Shane groaned, throwing his head back so he didn't come from the sight of Ilya’s pupils blown and blissed out face. He kept up the pace until he could feel his balls tightening, his stomach doing the thing where it swooped with how hot this was before he stopped. Pulled away entirely and let his cock slap against his abs.
Ilya panted but kept his tongue out, his mouth glistening with drool that dribbled down his chin and pooled a little in Shane’s lap.
“You look so gorgeous like this.” Shane told him. “You always look so fucking sexy, even doing the most random of things but fuck I can't take how you look with my cock in your mouth. You always laugh because I come so quick, but how can I hold back when I could be painting that slutty mouth?”
Ilya moaned then and Shane knew he couldn't go back to pretending.
“You want to be good for me, right?” Shane asked, even knowing the answer already he smiled as Ilya nodded. “I’m going to use your mouth until I’m satisfied, okay?”
Ilya nodded again.
“Then if I think you have done a good enough job, I’ll give you your reward and then... Fuck look at you.” Shane couldn't resist; he leaned forward, pulling Ilya abruptly higher on his knees and licked into Ilya’s mouth. He kissed Ilya until the blonde was chasing him each time he pulled away. Begging with his mouth even without words. “I’ll come down your throat and then you can climb up here and if you have held on, I’ll let you mark me with your come.”
Ilya nodded between kisses, agreeing to everything Shane had to offer. Shane kept his hold on Ilya as he slouched back into the sofa, slowly helping him to lower back between Shane’s knees. With one hand he reached for his cock and fed it to Ilya once again, sliding it all the way home with no preamble.
Ilya took like a champ, even pressed himself deeper and Shane knew then what Ilya wanted. He held Ilya down till he finished counting to six in his head before pulling back and sliding his cock almost all the way out. He did this three, maybe four times, slow and easy until finally he sped up and really began to use Ilya.
Ilya groaned smuttily, sending vibrations from the tip of Shane’s dick, shooting into his balls and making them draw up. He knew he didn't have long; they both did but he didn't want to stop. He kept going, speeding up in increments until he was fucking Ilya’s mouth at a punishing pace that his husband was taking so well.
He told him that, and much more, praising him for being so good. Always everything that Shane needed, so beautiful and helpful. The best person in Shane’s life and everything he had ever wanted. Shane watched tears pool at Ilya’s lash line as he spoke and when the first tear swelled too far and began its descent down Ilya’s cheek, Shane’s cock throbbed. The first spurt of come caught them both off guard, hitting Ilya’s tongue as Shane pulled out, but they kept going. Shane painted the rest of Ilya’s mouth, spreading the come until he was finished.
“Don't swallow.” Shane commanded, stern but breathless as he pulled away, guiding Ilya to shaky feet and then into his lap. He kept his eyes on Ilya’s mouth and his throat as he pulled Ilya free of his shorts and took his thick leaking cock in hand. It was fucking filthy with pre-come, wetter than Shane had ever seen him. With one hand he stroked from root to tip and the other he used to pull Ilya down by his curls. Kissing him hungrily and swapping the come between them as they licked at one another.
“Fuck baby, come on me.” Shane heard the begging tone, but he didn't care. He wanted to be marked by Ilya, have that reminder on his skin for as long as he could. Ilya groaned and began to thrust into Shane’s hold, only minutes away from coming himself. Muttering in English and Russian as he did so, words that Shane recognised as filthy and loving in turn.
“Come on, be a good boy and paint me like I just painted your insides.” Shane told Ilya and felt his cock twitch hard in his hand. Ilya sagged a little in his hold as he came, jets hitting Shane’s abs and as high as his chest as Ilya came hard.
“Fuck Shanya.” Ilya groaned into the crook of Shane’s neck. “That was so good.”