Work Text:
Part 9
Simon fell asleep in Ryland’s lap listening to music on a Walkman. Could this be any more like a cheesy romance movie? Ryland felt like he was in one and never wanted to leave. Holding Simon and stroking his hair as he peacefully breathed and slept made his whole body vibrate with joy and sunshine.
Simon laid on his stomach, an arm wrapped around Grace’s waist and face buried in his side. Ryland shifted to try and lay down with him and Simon woke up. “What?”
“Nothing!”
He went back down and realized that Simon had a physical grip on him, but he had something more than that. When he broke down and looked sad all Ryland wanted to do was to fix everything around him and make him feel safe. He looked so far away and almost scared. It really scared Ryland, but he hoped it didn't show on his face. The music seemed to help.
“I got you,” Ryland whispered to a sleeping Simon. He didn’t know how, he didn’t know what he could do for someone so capable and put together, but he wanted to take care of Simon. Simon came over here and cooked for them, he was going to look at Ryland’s sink, and the burners. What did he ever have to offer someone like this? His long-winded rants?
He said he liked Ryland. He said he had feelings for Ryland. So why did Ryland feel like running?
He shook it off and joined Simon in bed, kissing him softly on the arm and neck settling under the best weighted blanket ever.
…
“You can’t seriously be sleeping through this?” Simon mumbling was what brought Ryland out of his slumber. “Ryland!”
“I’m up!” Ryland shot an arm up and snoozed the alarm, bringing Simon back down on him. “I’m up.”
“You don’t seem very awake.”
“You don’t know anything.”
“How do you sleep through that? It’s so loud?”
Ryland didn’t answer. He was falling back asleep. This was too comfortable.
“You’re going to make me carry you into school?”
“Please?” Simon laughed. “Do you want to go shopping for plants with me this weekend?”
“I do. Do you want to help me with a project?”
“I’ll do anything for you,” Ryland said in a sleepy daze, hardly realizing what he had said.
“Good. It requires three arms and that’s all we have between us.” Ryland relaxed as Simon said it. “I want to make a planter for the class.”
“That sounds like you’re going to be bossing me around.”
They already started planning out what it would look like and what plants they would get for each, but as they stood over the stove and the coffee maker, Ryland felt antsy. “I have… can I ask you a- I don’t want it to feel invasive! I don’t want to-“
“Ask.” Simon didn't even turn away from Grace's stove.
“When you like… dropped yesterday… did I do that?” Ryland couldn’t look up from the coffee cup he was squeezing so tightly. If he did, Ryland couldn’t handle it.
The tension in Ryland was immense and didn’t get any better with Simon’s silence. He crossed the room to meet Ryland where he was.
“I’m sorry if I… I didn’t mean to… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry if I did- or if I said-“
“Stop.” Ryland obeyed that and just kept looking down. “Ryland. Please look at me?”
Ryland had a hard time picking up his head. Simon’s tone was serious and it made him know inside that he fucked something up.
“Grace,” Simon’s voice was low and sweet. Simon’s body pressed up against him. “Yesterday was a lot for me. You pulled me out of it.” Ryland’s shoulders relaxed. “This is me being… complicated. I’m sorry if it freaked you out.”
“You didn’t freak me out!” Ryland turned and faced him. “I just didn’t want to be the reason you felt sad or down or… I don’t have a word for it.”
Simon just smiled. “You didn’t. You made it better, Grace. I was… stuck in a weird place. Therapy can be draining and I have a lot of feelings. I just felt really… raw.”
Maybe he did have something to offer Simon. “I got you,” Ryland said, kissing him on the corner of the mouth and pulling him into a hug. “I just hope I didn’t make it worse.”
“You did not,” Simon confirmed again. “It’s nice to have someone to pull me out of it.” He paused for a moment. “I have… I like staying here.”
“I like having you over. Makes me feel like I have the larger bed for a reason.”
“I don’t think we use it at all,” Simon pointed out, handing Ryland his plate of food. “I think we lay basically on top of each other.”
Ryland laughed and wondered how long he could keep Simon coming over. Not just for food, but for everything. Would he even want to stay around him for much longer? Simon said he liked spending time with Ryland, but what if they got to a year and Simon didn’t want him anymore. Like Maddison. Like Calvin. Like everyone. He was charming for a while, then everyone got over him or found him annoying or got upset when he couldn’t change his weird habits permanently.
“Ryland?” Simon snapped him out of his trance.
“What?”
“I asked what you’re doing in class today?”
“Oh… sorry. I got lost in thought. Um, we’re going to start on the checklist for the frog dissection. Be sure they’re safe while doing it. What about you? New unit?”
“Home ec is actually stepping up into our last breakfast thing before next week. Doing a full breakfast of whatever they want. It’s almost the weekend. Shop class is finishing their little projects before we start on the final.”
“Final?”
“They’re all going to pick something that they want to make from a list I made. It’ll take them until the end of the semester.”
This was nice. Talking about class and work and grading and Simon making him food and driving him to school and laughing softly in the truck. Simon was so sweet to be around. But the anxiety kept slamming into him. When would Simon leave?
They were chatting in Grace’s class when Stratt dropped in. “Gentlemen, we are having a staff meeting after school today. There’s too many conflicts next week, is this amenable?
“Yeah.”
“How are you liking school, Mr. Fisher?”
“I really like it here. Ryland has been a great tour guide.”
Stratt looked between the two of them. Back and forth for only a second. “How long?”
“What?” Ryland stammered. “What are you- Stratt?”
Simon and Stratt shared a little glance. “About a month,” Simon answered.
“Disclose to HR please. I will give you their email.” Ryland saw a smile on her face. It was small, but for Stratt it may as well have been a billboard with flashing lights. “I am happy for you both.”
She walked immediately out with that stiff gate that she had and off to run the school. “That was easy,” Simon said. Grace was spiraling and choking on words. “Whoa,” Simon closed the space between them and put his hand on Ryland’s shoulder. “What’s… What’s going on?”
“I- uh… I am- I think you are awesome and thanks for answering Stratt. I can’t believe she got us. It’s been great! I’m just- oh my God. I think I’m… what? What did you ask me?”
Simon just let him go for a little longer until Ryland had it all out of his system. “Ryland… what is your anxiety about?”
“I’m worried you’re going to… leave.” It felt strange to say. They hadn’t been together- if they even were- for more than a week. He was asking Simon to stay. “Everyone… I have ever been with has left. They don’t like that I ramble. They didn’t like that-“
“I’m not them.”
“I know… I just don’t want to get a year in and you hate me because I can’t really… change the way I am.”
“Why…” Simon trailed off a little. “Someone asked you to change?”
“It’s little things at first. It’s like… clean up the table. I can't do that. I can’t keep it clean. It’s like… maybe a chore schedule and I suck at that. Then it collapses when I can’t hold it in anymore.”
The way Simon was looking at him now was confusing. He was smiling and his eyes were the warmest place on earth. “I like you. I like you a lot. I like that you’re messy and I like that you have projects everywhere. All the little stuff… I can figure it out. Dishes get done when they’re done.”
Ryland just relaxed into him and let Simon run a hand over his back.
“I want to stay here, but we have kids coming in like three minutes. Are you going to be ok if I go?” Simon asked.
Ryland would. He nodded.
“I’ll check on you after first period, ok?” Simon asked, pulling back a little.
After a moment of contemplation, Simon gave him a reassuring kiss and a happy little smile. Ryland couldn’t help but return it. His heart was liberated from some of the stress and anxiety. As promised, Simon checked on him between classes, handing him another plate of breakfast. He felt better and less like Simon was leaving at the first sign of turbulence.
“Will you come over again tonight?”
“I will,” Simon said with a smile. “Do you want to come by the thrift place with me and get some more paint? I ran out.”
“Yes.”
And just like that... everything was fine. Nothing exploded.
…
The thrift store was quiet and seeing Heather again was nice. She and Simon were chatting about Navy stuff and he seemed a lot more comfortable than the first time they had come here. They had a ton of paint in their carts and Ryland had gotten most of the banners they would need in a few weeks for the science fair.
“Dr. Grace?” Heather asked. He broke out of his thoughts.
“Sorry,” he said, coming closer.
“Simon said you’re doing a big science fair this year?”
“Oh! Yes. He’s helping me build the kids some better stuff. He’s the shop teacher so he can actually build things.”
“Sounds like a very handy man to have around,” Heather complimented, making Simon red.
“I am just following instructions,” Simon said.
“He’s built anything more complex than popsicle sticks and hot glue,” Ryland corrected the record. “Kids love this guy. Call him Mr. Fish.”
“And a hot pirate.”
Heather laughed. She had heard it all from Ryland. He was a particular target for nicknames with the kids, so he loved sharing. “Has Dr. Grace told you what they call him?”
“Ken. Like a Ken Doll.” Simon was beaming, remembering something to tease Grace with.
“Wow! You told someone that willingly?”
“It was under threat of asking a kid,” Ryland recalled.
Heather just continued to laugh. “You shouldn’t be so easy to blackmail,” Simon said.
“It’s almost gone. There’s like three more kids that still remember.”
“It’s true. You do look like the doll. Pretty hair,” Simon said, brushing an unconsciously sexy hand through it. Ryland froze. Then Simon froze, realizing that was more public affection that either of them had shown.
Heather didn’t notice. She just rang them both up and said a goodnight.
The truck ride was quiet. Ryland was going to explode. “Are we-“
“Do you want to go-“
They started talking over each other trying their hardest to let the other go first. Simon finally paused first, laughing a little. “You go,” he instructed.
“Are we… dating?”
“I would like to be. What would you like to call it?” Simon said it so casually. It was so sweet and easy for him to like Ryland and that was weird to him.
“I think so. You’ve stayed over three nights in a row and Stratt totally caught us.”
“How does she do that?” Simon laughed loudly.
“I really- and don’t tell her I said this- I do think… she’s a witch. She would deny it, but I can’t come up with another explanation.”
Simon laughed and Ryland’s chest felt lighter. “When she was my CO… back in the Navy. She just knew everything. She- well you know- but she was always right about how to get information from people. Always knew the buttons to push.” Simon fell back a little, like he hadn’t meant to say that. Something was weighing on him.
Ryland shifted to look at him. “So, when I jokingly asked if you’d learned how to torture people… you didn’t answer on purpose?”
Simon only nodded for a minute. “I did some… some very bad things in the Navy, Grace. I understand if you don’t… If it’s too much.”
Ryland couldn’t imagine Simon doing anything bad ever. The Simon he knew made breakfast and birdhouses and helped kids with science fair projects.
“I didn’t think it was nothing. I…” wondering how much to divulge about what he knew was always a gamble. “Stratt and I worked together too. I know how… intense it is. I’ve met loads of veterans that have done a lot. I don’t want to say that I get it, but it isn’t scary.”
"Ryland, I have killed sixty people." The confession looked as if it had relieved nothing and only added to Simon's anguish. His face was twisted with grief and sadness.
"OK. It was your job. That's what you had to do."
Ryland paused and let Simon react, pulling into the guest spot at his place. “Are… Are you…” Simon looked like he was trailing off searching for the words or the bravery to say them. “Are you scared of me now?”
Simon’s gaze was boring a hole in his dashboard. Grace reached over, turned Simon’s stubbly chin toward him and force Simon’s eyes to meet his. “I am not afraid of you. I never was. I won’t be.”
Simon nodded and took a deep breath in.
“You can talk to me about it… whenever. Or never.”
Simon locked eyes with Ryland again as if asking permission to say something. Ryland hoped he would say it. He only nodded again. “I have directly… with my own hands… killed sixty people. They called me… the Butcher.” Simon recoiled at the words like they were burning his throat. He was tired and a wave of confusing emotions washed over him. He looked like he was waiting for Grace to break things off or to say something that would confirm a fear he had inside. He was waiting for this.
This was it. This is what Simon was afraid of. Simon was afraid of telling Ryland this and the potential horrible reaction. “I am sorry you had to do that. It does not change the way I feel.” Ryland said it with directness and as much kindness as his body felt. It truly didn’t change his perception of Simon. He had known somewhere in the back of his mind that Simon had done something like that and just needed time to tell him. He had been in therapy for a while and was well adjusted, but Rylant understood that this was hard to say. Simon’s eyes welled with tears, hopefully from relief.
“Really?”
“Simon. Really.” Grace reached a hand over and wiped away a single tear off Simon’s cheek. “I still feel the same. I trust you. I like you. I still think it’s wild you like me.”
“I like you so much.” Simon’s voice wavered. “You promise?”
“I promise.”
Simon kissed Ryladn’s palm and they went inside. After this sort of emotional thing, Ryland didn’t always know how to act. He hoped Simon believed him and knew that he really didn’t feel any differently about him. Simon took the reigns before Ryland could overthink and pulled him into a hug.
It felt good. Simon kissed into his neck and Ryland melted. “Oh… you were saying something before I asked if we were dating.”
“Oh… oh yeah. I was going to ask if you wanted to go to the gym.” Simon laughed a little. “Sounds silly now. I just haven’t gone in a few days.”
“We can use the gym here if you want. It’s not fancy. I’m probably due as well. Someone keeps feeding me between every class period.” They still hadn’t broken the embrace and Simon was still peppering him with kisses softly. He could skip it to do this.
“My apartment gym isn’t fancy either.”
Simon was right. It did feel weird to have two heavy conversations and go to the gym like nothing had happened. “Hey, Simon?”
Simon only sighed into Grace’s shoulder.
“Thank you for telling me about your time in the military. I am sorry you went through that. If there’s anything… I’m here, OK?”
Simon nodded and held Ryland tighter. “This is good.”
“Just need a few more hours of this?”
He just nodded and Ryland held him tighter. “I’m not going anywhere. Unless… you want to go to the gym.”
Simon laughed and Ryland breathed a sigh at his risky joke paying off. “Yeah. It’ll be good.”
...
It was not good. Ryland was gawking at Simon the whole time. No matter what they did, Ryland was looking at Simon and hardly focusing. The stretch of his muscles and the way he sweated just a little made Ryland have to take some serious deep breathes and had to take his glasses off from time to time. He had to keep Simon blurry or risk getting a public boner.
The evening was cozy and soft. Simon and Ryland ate dinner together after having gone to the gym together… was this… too much time around him? Simon didn’t seem to think it was too much time. They were both tired after their long days and just went up to bed. It felt so natural. It felt like Simon had been here all along or that there was a spot waiting for him.
Watching him lay on his back, scars facing Ryland, all he could think is how much this was meant to be. Grace laid a hand over Simon’s chest and without opening his eyes, Simon placed his own hand over it, tracing lazy circles over Ryland’s knuckle. Forever if you want to. Ryland almost let it slip out, but he bit his tongue and fell into sleep with Simon next to him.