Work Text:
Obi-wan studies the rocky outcrop jutting violently from the neat, sheep-grazed grass of its gently rolling surroundings with deep satisfaction. Storm clouds swirl overhead, dark and ominous, a beautiful contrast to the brilliant rays of deep sunlight falling across the land below. A bolt of lightning grounds itself on the towering pinnacle before the accompanying thunder rolls across the fields towards them.
It's perfect.
Obi-wan is really very glad that the Force led him here.
Next to him, his hopefully soon-to-be project manager unfolds a large sheet of flimsy and studies the architectural drawings on it, eyes flicking rapidly between the flimsy and the towering cliff, a considering frown on his face.
Obi-wan waits for his verdict, a little bubble of something rolling in his stomach.
"We can do it." The contractor decides eventually. His rather lovely gentle sunlight force presence doesn't twitch, stays calm and steady and unshakeable. He genuinely believes what he's saying, which is a significant change from the other contractors Obi-wan's had out to look at it, who had all either laughed or lied to him. Three of them hadn't even bothered to look at all, had just tried to hit on him. Which, while he's not strictly opposed to such goings on, was really not the purpose of the exercise.
"I'm extremely glad to hear that, my dear." And he is. Hope and satisfaction are creeping their way deliciously up through his insides. He's one step closer to completing his master plan.
The man, Cody he'd said his name was, glances sideways at him, something a little wry in his eyes. He looks over the flimsy again then folds it back up. Neatly. Without once getting confused by the order of the folds.
"It'll take me about two days to come up with costings and a time frame." Cody informs him. "I'll get back to you on Centaxday."
He's calm, professional, providing definite time frames, and Obi-wan wonders vaguely how much extra he'll have to steal from the Hutts to make up what must be extortionate fees. He's starting to think that it might be very worth it.
"Very well my dear, I'll look forward to hearing from you."
Two days later, an h-mail appears in his inbox as promised. Obi-wan is genuinely delighted. The sheer integrity of it is a marvelous contrast to everyone else he's dealt with so far.
And the contents of it. Definite timescales with specified margins of error, a detailed breakdown of everything that needs to be done, precise costings, descriptions of how each item was calculated and other options that were considered, it's a work of art. He is incredibly tempted to frame it.
And the quote is not extortionate at all. Well, it's hardly cheap, but then what he's asking for isn't. Evil lairs can't generally be picked up for pennies. But there's no padding of the numbers. The money Cody and his team make from this will be reasonable, but towards the lower end of these things. Which is ridiculous. If they're half as competent as first impressions suggest then Obi-wan is going to have to do something about that. He's sure the Hutts won't mind a bit extra going missing.
-
Obi-wan is on site to watch the start of the work. He's still not entirely used to emotions, despite the fact that he's been allowing them for years now, but he's reasonably certain that this one is excitement. He's having trouble keeping still, and has the strangest urge to bounce on his toes. He's enjoying this emotion, despite the way his heart seems to be going a bit fast. He notes it down as a good one.
Cody and his crew arrive precisely on time, and Obi-wan checks the little thrill that goes through him down as admiration. They emerge from something that looks like a repurposed military lander and file past him with a respectful dip of the head and a "Sir." It's baffling.
Obi-wan blinks as his brain nudges him. There was something... He turns back to the work crew. They're all completely different in the force, obviously, and they're sporting a wide variety of hairstyles, but... he peers closer. Yes. They all have the same face. Exactly the same face.
"Sir?" Cody asks from beside him, and while his voice is an entirely professional mild curiosity, his force presence has gone very still. An undercurrent of danger just winding its way through the steady sunlight.
"Ah," Obi-wan says lightly, trying to put the men back at ease, "forgive me for asking such an abominably rude personal question, and feel free to tell me to mind my own business, but do you happen to be clones by any chance?"
Cody looks at him as if his opinion of Obi-wan's intelligence has just dropped through the floor.
"What gave it away, Sir?" He asks, voice still that polite mild curiosity, and Obi-wan snorts in a rather undignified manner. The holonet site had described 212 Construction as a family run business, which is apparently significantly more accurate than he'd assumed. But wasn't there recently some sort of war or something...?
"I confess I haven't really been keeping up to date on galactic events," Obi-wan admits, "so correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm sure I heard something about a war between clones and Sith?"
"There was, Sir, yes." Cody explains patiently, but there's something in the corner of his mouth, a hint of a smile, something that might be indulgent and amused.
"That's not going to be an issue, is it?" Obi-wan asks, genuinely worried. He's never going to be able to find contractors as good as this again.
"I wouldn't have taken the job if it was, Sir."
Oh, thank the Force.
"So I'm not going to wake up with foamy bubbles all over my moat, or my ominous looming walls painted princess pink, or my eerily creaking door hinges properly oiled?" He teases.
"I wouldn't count on it, Sir." Cody informs him, gifting Obi-wan a flash of a smirk before he's striding off to supervise his men.
Kriff, but cloning has come on a long way if it's creating men as brilliant as that.
And they're all brilliant. They're so organised, and efficient. Obi-wan could spend a millennia just watching them work. A carefully choreographed chaos. It's beautiful. He must remember to thank the Force for sending these men his way.
-
"This is Clouds." Cody introduces one of the men, who appears to have a camera drone hovering over his shoulder. "He's our holomedia manager. Is it all right if he films the odd bit here and there? He'll probably want to stick a camera in your face and ask you pointless questions several times a day."
"Oh of course." Obi-wan agrees happily. He has absolutely no objection to helping show these men off, ensuring they receive the recognition their brilliance deserves.
-
"On a towering rocky outcrop looking out over the vast desolate plains of the land below, the ruins of an ancient castle stand tall. Abandoned for centuries and never reclaimed, a monument to a terrible past.
We're all familiar with the concept of an evil fortress, but just how are they built? And can one be constructed that's suited for the modern age?
On a deserted planet in the outer rim, Sith Obi-wan Kenobi hopes to find out."
Oh, they're doing this properly. Obi-wan smiles at Clouds, absolutely willing to play along.
"It's a long held dream of mine." He explains, tucking his hands into his sleeves. "When I became a Sith, I decided that I should do so to the best of my ability. There's really no point in half-shebsing an attempt at being evil, and my dear, you really can't be properly evil without a looming evil fortress. I'm afraid that's just a basic fact."
Clouds hums in interest.
"I - do you need me to invent a dead grandmother that I'm doing this in honour of?" Obi-wan asks. "Or in spite of?" He's not entirely sure what the properly evil motivation would be. Actually - "I think my Grandmaster might have ended up becoming a Sith. Although I'm quite sure he wouldn't be proud of me for this." Master Dooku had barely known he'd existed, and Obi-wan's little outer-rim fortress would definitely not be up to the Count of Serenno's standards. "And my brother, come to think of it. He was definitely a darksider." And also from the aristocracy. Hmm.
"My journalistic integrity would be ruined, Sir," Clouds informs him loftily, undermined by a little smirk. "If I allowed dramatic fictional relatives."
"My actual parents tried to drown me as a baby if that helps?"
Clouds blinks at him.
"Sir, that does not help. That is not a good thing."
Obi-wan doesn't actually know how to respond to that. Luckily Clouds saves him by throwing him another question.
"What made you choose this location?"
Excellent, he does know how to answer this one.
"Well, primarily the extremely convenient force nexus. But it's also particularly pretty and rather out of the way. Absolutely perfect for constructing an epic fortress without any locals coming and disrupting the building work by trying to burn it down."
"And your budget?"
"Oh, it'll cost as much as it costs, my dear. I'm evil enough that money is no issue."
Clouds' brows furrow.
"Does evil pay particularly well, Sir?"
Obi-wan lets his evilist smile cross his face.
"Oh, my dear, it's the only thing that does."
-
Cody's eyeing him consideringly. Obi-wan smiles innocently, pretending very hard that he isn't getting in the way of this beautifully organised construction.
"Any objections to making yourself useful, Sir?"
Obi-wan lights up with delight
"Oh my dear, of course. Just tell me where you want me!"
He'll get to actually help build his Sith fortress. That's wonderful. It somehow makes the whole construction happening around him that much more real. More personal.
"How good's your force magic at heavy lifting, Sir? The boys in the quarry are our current limiting factor, and I can't increase their numbers due to the space constraints."
They're quarrying all the stone locally, just over the hill, partly to save on cost, but mostly because it'll make it impossible to tell where the natural rocky spire ends and his fortress begins.
"Oh, I should be able to help with that!"
Cody nods shortly, and heads towards one of the speeders parked nearby.
"Hop on then Sir."
Obi-wan glances across at Clouds who's whooped with glee and is vaulting onto another speeder.
"Trust me, Sir, nobody wants to ride with Clouds."
Obi-wan obediently sits himself behind Cody, and it soon becomes apparent why nobody wants to ride with Clouds.
He makes the noises.
"Vrumm vrumm" he revs before speeding off with a "neoooowwwww!"
It's utterly endearing.
"My dear," Obi-wan murmurs, "he's precious."
Cody glances back over his shoulder at him, expression unrelentingly wry.
"Only the first time."
The noise that leaves Obi-wan is definitely not a giggle. Sith are far too evil for giggling. And he has to resist the peculiar urge to tip his forehead into Cody's back, between his shoulder blades. That would really be more than a little forward.
-
Obi-wan stands at the top of his fledgeling tower, having carefully levitated up some blocks of stone under Waxer's direction. Apparently they needed to be set to the outside of the tower with more precision than could be granted by a jetpack.
The view from here is incredible, it's going to be absolutely spectacular once the tower is finished. He can already see out towards the sea, and he suspects that once it's reached its final height, he should be able to make out islands on the horizon. When the weather's cooperating.
Waxer turns to the man next to him, who's wearing a jet pack.
"Artereeeee." Waxer whines with pleading eyes.
"No."
"You're going to make me walk down all those stairs?"
"It's good for you."
Hmm. Technically true, but Obi-wan can't say he particularly fancies all the stairs again either. Especially not when there's an alternate option.
"Well." He says, untying his belt. "The stairs might not be entirely necessary." His belt comes free, and he eyes Waxer's confused frown. "Race you to the bottom?"
Two leaping steps, and he's jumped up, looped his belt over the guide wire, stretching between the tower top and the ground, and has pushed off, sailing towards the ground below. Through wind whipping past him, he can hear Waxer's excited whoop, and lets out his own laughter. He knows this emotion. This one is joy.
He dismounts neatly, and nods at Cody who has glanced over his shoulder at him. Dark eyebrows rise before going back to his datapad. Obi-wan eyes Waxer's trajectory. He's probably coming in a little fast to be safe, and he can feel Artery's glare from the top of the tower, so he raises a hand and makes an obvious show of gentling Waxer's landing with the Force.
"You," Waxer tells him seriously, "are my new favourite Sith."
"So." Boil says, wandering over, "should we get a big net to land in, or a bouncy castle?"
Cody sighs heavily.
-
"Obi-wan is seemingly adding his own touches to this build, and it doesn't look like he told his project manager about his plans." Obi-wan looks up at the sound of Clouds' voice. He's talking directly to camera, and standing slightly to the side is Cody, who's studying Obi-wan with folded arms and a patiently unimpressed expression.
Obi-wan sits back, blinking as he waits for the head rush to settle, and beams at them.
"I'm just adding some Sith runes, my dears." He explains. "They shouldn't get in anyone's way."
"And what exactly do these Sith runes do, Sir?" Cody asks.
"They're to make it extra evil, my dear."
Cody's unimpressedness intensifies with a minute raise of an eyebrow.
"Well," Obi-wan decides it's probably best to expand, "these ones melt the stone together once it's constructed to make it additionally impenetrable, the ones over there set fire to any small bitey insects that cross this ward line here, evil is all well and good but I have limits. Also, it's difficult to be properly intimidatingly evil when covered in bug bites, and the bog around here is perfect for them. Now, the ones here are for a general atmosphere of ominous darkness, there's one here to encourage small scuttly animals, lizards and mice and things, to give people the creeps, -"
"And this one?"
"I'm rather hoping that one will make it sentient."
Because who doesn't want a sentient evil lair?
"What are you using to draw these?" Clouds asks, leaning forwards in interest. "Is that blood?"
"It's a multi step process." Obi-wan explains. "First, I use the Force to create tiny channels in the stone in the shape of the runes. There's a little more to it than that, but that's the basis, then I fill the channels with blood."
"Where do you get the blood from, Sir?" Cody asks, and there's something dangerous now in his patience.
"Oh, not to worry, it's mine." This doesn't seem to reassure Cody, who taps at his com without looking at it.
"I thought you were supposed to use the blood of your enemies for things like that, Sir?"
Obi-wan clicks his tongue against his teeth.
"My dear, it's hardly a sacrifice if it's blood you were going to spill anyway."
There's the whine of a jetpack, and Obi-wan turns at the thump of feet hitting the ground.
"Artery." Cody greets with the satisfaction of a man whose plans have come to fruition. "The Sith's been drawing magic runes in his own blood."
Artery turns to Obi-wan, and fixes him with a glare. Obi-wan resists the sudden urge to sway backwards. He's a Sith. Sith aren't scared of incredibly terrifying glares.
"You are aware that in order to allow proper operation, bodies are supposed to have large quantities of blood on the inside of them?" Artery asks, advancing relentlessly, and pulling out a bottle of rehydrating fluid and a heavily salted ration pack.
"Now that Cody has his Sith under control," Obi-wan hears Clouds narrate, voice fading into the distance, "building work can resume."
-
Obi-wan smiles as he skirts around a group of men sat on the floor, leant back against the beginnings of a wall and enjoying what is clearly a hard-earned caff break. They nod back at him, one of them raising his ration bar in salute. Obi-wan's eyes catch on the wrapper, and - has he ever seen any of them eat anything other than ration bars?
Well. That - no.
He changes direction and heads towards the now familiar sunshine presence he can feel a little further down the hill.
Cody looks up as he approaches, tilts his head in inquiry. Something very warm floods Obi-wan's stomach in response, which really is a much stronger reaction than he'd been anticipating.
"My dear," he asks with a smile, "if I were to have a question about the kitchens, who would I need to talk to?"
"A field kitchen?" Peeler repeats.
"Exactly!" Obi-wan confirms. "Somewhere to prepare food for you all, which I will of course provide the funds for, I'm only sorry I overlooked it in the initial contract. This is my first time doing this, you will have to point out anything that I forget."
Peeler continues eyeing him suspiciously, clearly not buying it. Wise man.
"You deserve it, Peeler." Obi-wan says, dropping his voice and letting a little of his sadness in. "You are all so brilliant, you deserve so much more. Let me do this for you, please."
Cody takes the sandwich that Obi-wan hands him, there's something fried in there that really does smell delicious, Peeler is a miracle worker, and fixes him with a knowing look.
"A question about the kitchens." He says, completely dry.
Obi-wan smiles sunnily at him.
"Well my dear, it was a question, and it was about kitchens."
Cody shakes his head, a hint of a smile just curling at the corner of his lips.
"Thank you, Sir."
-
Something in the force just nudges slightly at Obi-wan, and he's turning his head, following its prompt before he's quite realised what he's doing. There's a shadow. A tiny splash of colour, somehow both dark and bright against the black of the stone. Blood. On the stone that Cody had just slipped into place.
"My dear," Obi-wan calls softly, "your hands"
Cody pauses, brow creasing slightly in confusion, and looks down at his own hands. He visibly rolls his eyes, and fixes Obi-wan with a look that's somehow both indulgent and exasperated.
"Sir, it's minor." Obi-wan takes in a breath to object, but - "And just until new callouses form. Construction is different to a blaster."
Obi-wan raises his eyebrows and fixes his stubborn project manager with a look.
"Nevertheless."
Obi-wan takes a step forward, and watches Cody's shoulders soften as he decides to allow him. The look he gives Obi-wan is patient and amused, and Obi-wan can feel his lips curling into a smile in response.
He takes Cody's hands, lifts them a little higher, gently soothes over the skin of his palms with his thumbs, and flattens out his fingers. His hands are sturdy and warm and calloused, and completely pliant under Obi-wan's fingers. Obi-wan glances up to check he's not overstepping, but Cody's just watching him with something incredibly soft in his eyes. He's suddenly very aware of each of his own breaths, the way his lungs are moving, the squeeze of each beat of his heart. He holds Cody's gaze for a second, then looks back down at his hands.
He was right. Of course the man was right. There's a small amount of damage to the skin, just where new callouses are starting to form. And just the smallest, insignificant smear of blood.
He lets go of one of Cody's hands and pulls out the tiny medical kit Artery insisted he carry if he was to be allowed onsite from his pocket. He carefully cleans up Cody's hands, they're so warm, watches the glide of the wipe over his skin, and spreads a tiny dab of bacta over the grievous wound.
When he looks up again, really very pleased with his handywork and perfectly aware that it might not have been entirely necessary, the Corner of Cody's lip twitches, just a fraction, as if he's trying not to laugh.
"Don't look at me like that, my dear." Obi-wan scolds, "Imagine if Artery had found you!"
Cody actually chuckles at that, an astonishingly beautiful sound, and Obi-wan lets go of his hands with a smile.
-
"The survey team have come across something rather unexpected in the cave system beneath the castle."
Obi-wan blinks at the camera, and then at Clouds.
"They have?"
"That's what they tell me, Sir." Clouds confirms.
"Well then." He sends Clouds a conspiratorial grin. "How likely do you think it is we'll be able to sneak in and see what they've found without Cody noticing?"
Clouds' expression doesn't change, but Obi-wan is suddenly aware of a soft sunshine just behind him, glowing with amusement.
"Not very, Sir." Cody tells him, gloriously dry.
It takes Obi-wan shedding his cloak and a little bit of wriggling, but he emerges from the narrow tunnel into an enormous cavern, filled with steam dancing in the beams from the work lamps. On the far wall, a small waterfall tumbles gently over a lip in the rock. The ground in front of him dips into a series of enormous pools, the edges hazy. The air is thick and warm and wet, and when he crouches to dip a finger into the nearest pool, the water is the perfect temperature.
Natural springs. That is not something he had been expecting. And Force but that's a find. The sheer indulgence of it will be magnificent. And very evil, obviously.
He looks up to find Cody leaning against the cave wall and watching him, the hint of a shadow of a smile on his lips.
-
The force screams in alarm, Obi-wan drops the block he's levitating, lets go part of himself, dives into the flow of the Force. Steps, and he's at the window, hand outstretched, thickening the air beneath a tumbling figure, slowing their fall as they plummet downwards. Slows, gentle, floating. Steers them, slightly, nudges them off course, ensures they land on a flat boulder rather than the jagged edges of the rocks below. The force tells him Waxer and hurting and blood, so he vaults through the window and follows. He lands barely a second before the whine of jetpacks, and the thud of thick boots, so he steps back and lets more experienced hands do their work.
Waxer grins at him past the crowding bodies.
"Good catch, Sir."
"You stop talking." Artery demands.
This gets a rather dramatic groan.
"You kriffer, I'm fine." The Force rings with the truth of the statement, and Obi-wan breathes a sigh of relief. "The nice Sith caught me. Couple of stitches where the beam clipped me and I'll be -"
He cuts himself off at Artery's raised eyebrow.
"Yes, Waxer," Artery says with a degree of solicitousness that sends an ominous shiver crawling up Obi-wan's spine. "of course I'm happy to sedate your stupid shebs. Would you like to be jabbed in the most uncomfortable possible location, or the second?"
Waxer's eyes narrow and his force presence gains the distinct vicious spikyness of someone thinking particularly foul language very loudly.
Work has stopped at the top of the tower. Tools lain down and the space empty.
"He got caught by the crane beam." Cody explains, the line of his jaw tight, eyes exhausted. "Stood up at the wrong moment, operator didn't know he was there."
"He's fine." Obi-wan reassures. "Apparently he didn't actually even need any stitches. And, my dear, nobody's going to let that happen again."
Cody's gaze flicks briefly to him.
"Thank you."
And Obi-wan knows that isn't just thanks for the reassurance.
"Of course." He says, because there isn't a galaxy where he wouldn't have caught Waxer.
The next day, in the tent that's acting as their base of operations at the bottom of the cliff, there's a man with a sewing machine, carefully stitching something in a hideously violent shade of orange-gold.
"Sir."
Waxer and Boil duck through the flap of the tent, and Obi-wan has to blink the brightness from his eyes. Instead of just their usual uniform black, both men are dressed in the same fluorescent orangey-gold that the man in the corner is working on. Boil's in the form of a tank top, and Waxer's an extremely well tailored shirt. Obi-wan beams at him, glad to see him up and about already, seeming none the worse for wear.
Cody follows them in, an orange jacket wrapped over broad shoulders, and Obi-wan can't help the way his eyes trace over the way it follows the line of his waist.
"I made Artery the Health and Safety Officer." Cody explains. And yes, that does explain everything. "The increased visibility items Stitch is making should prevent an incident like yesterday's happening again."
"On that note Sir," the man working the sewing machine, Stitch presumably, pipes in, nodding towards a neatly folded pile of bright orange-gold fabric next to him, needle not stopping its movement.
Obi-wan picks it up and shakes it out, revealing a cloak with a hood. The fabric is thick and warm, and surprisingly soft. He throws it over his shoulders, and it settles beautifully against him, draping and flowing in an extremely pleasing way.
"Oh, that's marvellous. Thank you my dear."
They must know that he's perfectly capable of avoiding collisions, that the force will warn him long before any danger could manifest, but they'd still made something just for him. Uniform but personalised. Part of their team. His insides have gone very squirmy. He looks like he belongs with them. That they want him.
-
Cody is standing, arms folded, and glaring at the trench they'd been digging for the moat as if it has personally offended him. It's really astonishingly endearing.
"My dear?" Obi-wan asks, a little concerned. There's not much that can phase his project manager.
There's a surprised yelp from a little further down, and a handful of thick tentacles rise from the freshly dug pit. That is not what Obi-wan had been expecting. There's a flash of vibrant orange-gold among the mass of writhing arms, one of the tentacles has seemingly wrapped itself around one of the men and is waving him about.
"Terrance." Someone scolds, "NO." and Obi-wan thinks he can make out what looks like a spray bottle of some kind being directed into the moat.
The airborne contractor has his arms stretched wide and is laughing and whooping in delight as the coiled tentacle whips him through the air.
"BAD kraken. Drop him. DROP him. Oh for -" The man with the spray bottle is also hoisted into the air, and even from here, Obi-wan can see the resignation in his face.
"Yes, yes." He says, patting at the tentacle wrapped around his legs as he dangles upside down. "We're all having a lot of fun. If you put me down, I'll get you a giant beach ball that squeaks when you squeeze it."
A third contractor takes a running leap into the mass of tentacles with an excited yell, and is promptly held aloft and swept through the air laughing maniacally.
"We hit an underground stream." Cody explains, as if that isn't happening right in front of him. "It hadn't shown up on our scans." He scowls, clearly offended by this. "And it's apparently occupied. We're going to have to reroute the stream, but I don't know what to do about Terrance."
Obi-wan definitely hadn't anticipated the presence of a kraken in his moat. He'd been planning on introducing sharks, but it seems doubtful that the two species will cohabit peacefully. And that's not even taking into account the fact that on this planet the sharks prefer salt water and Terrance apparently prefers fresh.
"What if we switched to an acid moat instead?" Obi-wan suggests. "Then Terrance can keep to his rerouted stream -"
"Sir. You're on limestone."
Oh. Yes. He really wouldn't want his moat full of acid to dissolve the rock and undermine his fortress.
"That does sound less than ideal." He concedes.
"You could go for radioactive slime, Sir." Wooley suggests, popping up by his elbow. "For that really wizard ominous glowy look."
"Liquid nitrogen?" Waxer adds, as he and Boil put down the crate they're carrying past and join in the discussion. "That has really cool clouds of -" he stops dead at Cody's narrow eyed stare, and looks confused. Wooley is desperately trying to smother snickers into the sleeve of his highly visible lapelled jacket.
"What?" Waxer asks, suspicious, "What did I say?"
"I believe it was the 'really cool' that set them off, my dear." Obi-wan explains, hiding his own smile. Waxer groans.
"I hate you all."
"You could fill the moat with custard." Boil suggests.
"Absolutely not." Peeler argues. They seem to have drawn quite the crowd. "Custard is a non-Spewtonian fluid, all you'd have to do to cross it is just run across stamping really hard. Useless practical defence."
"Yeah," Boil argues, "but you could eat it if you got hungry."
"And, it's a nice colour." Waxer defends.
"If you were worried about it being a pretty colour, just fill it with water and dump a bucket full of food dye in there. Then you could add a half-bucket of cornstarch to give it a slightly unsettling consistency."
These are all very good ideas, and frankly much more thought out than Obi-wan's own.
"Oooh!" Wooley squeals, "You know we had that misunderstanding about the bath bombs -"
"Wooley," Waxer interrupts, low and dangerous, "you know we don't talk about the bath bombs."
Cody has closed his eyes in what looks like remembered horror.
"Things that don't explode shouldn't be called bombs." Boil states firmly, if quietly, arms folded.
Obi-wan glances between the men, wondering which of them he's most likely to be able to wheedle the story out of if he plies them with alcohol. Because that sounds like it will be a marvellously entertaining tale.
"What about a ball pit?" Peeler offers, bringing them back on track.
Boil pulls out a datapad and begins muttering to himself under his breath.
Cody turns suddenly, pinning a younger clone hovering at the edge of the group with a look.
"Problem with the generator, Sir." They explain.
As one, they all turn to look at the generator in question. Or where the generator should be, if it wasn't buried under a pile of tentacles.
"We think he likes the warmth, Sir."
The surface of the generator is blisteringly hot. The kraken should be burnt, but he's showing no signs of discomfort. Quite the opposite. He seems to be snuggling. Cody slowly turns his gaze back to Obi-wan, and somehow, Obi-wan is sure he knows exactly what his project manager is thinking. He feels the smile start to spread over his face even before Cody asks "How do you feel about lava, Sir?"
"My dear, lava sounds delightful."
"Good, Sir. Because I was beginning to have some doubts about the feasibility of the shark cannon."
"Shark cannon." Wooley echoes in tones of reverent awe.
"Well, it wasn't a cannon as such," Obi-wan explains apologetically. He feels very bad about disillusioning the man. "But in order to get sharks into the moat, we would have had to pipe them up from the sea in a large tube -"
The expression on Wooley's face is worryingly close to devotion.
"Shark cannon." He whispers again.
"It would take a depth of 16.5spm of ball pit balls to crush an adult human." Boil declares, putting his pad away. Then he smirks. "Ballpark figure."
-
"These extra developments aren't cheap, and with his budget stretched to its maximum, Obi-wan is having to turn to alternative sources of revenue."
"It is a shame." Obi-wan admits to Clouds and his camera. "I had quite enjoyed playing sabacc, but I'm afraid I've now been banned from all the high stakes establishments."
"That's because you cheat, Sir." Cody supplies from where he's walking past.
Obi-wan pouts.
"If I cheated, my dear, I wouldn't keep losing to you."
Cody just hums sceptically as he disappears around a corner.
"So how are you going to find the credits?" Clouds prompts.
"Oh," Obi-wan says, shedding his high visibility cloak and revealing his tightly fitting black robes and turtleneck undershirt. He reaches for a little black domino mask and slips it on. "I'm sure the Hutts won't notice a little tooka burgling."
From the corner of his eye he sees Cody freeze, and then backtrack, marching towards him.
"And were you intending on going on this venture alone, Sir?"
"Well... yes?" Obi-wan admits, confused. He doesn't exactly have an army of minions to take with him.
"No." Cody overrules. "You're taking Ghost Company with you."
"I'm - what?"
"Sir. I have seen how much trouble you can get into building a house. You are not going anywhere near burglary or Hutts without backup."
"My dear, I can assure you I'm perfectly capable -"
He's cut off by Cody's raised brow.
"So are we."
"Well that was never in question."
Cody just waits him out, endlessly patient, never breaking eye contact. And Obi-wan feels his face relax into a smile.
"If you think that's best, my dear."
The short nod of approval he gets sends an absolutely delicious bolt of warmth right through his stomach.
-
"Sir."
Obi-wan takes the item Stitch hands him and carefully unfolds it. It's a bag, a drawstring sack in a slightly coarse hard-wearing material. And carefully embroidered across the front of it in a dark thread, is the word 'Swag'.
"My dear, how absolutely perfect!"
-
"Sir."
Obi-wan has found himself in the rather regrettable position of being cornered by Artery. He's not entirely sure how this happened. Their heist went off marvelously, and they're now a significant number of credits richer. The Hutts are also mysteriously missing quite a few slaves, and the freedom lanes are doing rather well. Yes, he's bleeding slightly from a cut on his arm, but it's really very minor, all things considered. All this fuss is frankly entirely unnecessary.
Cody looms behind Artery, and Obi-wan is torn between tensing for defeat, or relaxing in relief.
Cody just stares at him for a minute, then plucks the tube of bacta from Artery's hand.
Defeat it is.
His project manager takes a step forward, nudging Artery out of the way, who disappears back off down the corridor muttering under his breath. Cody takes another step forward, holding eye contact, then looks away to lift Obi-wan's arm where he wants it. He carefully folds back the black fabric, fingers sure and gentle, revealing the scarred skin of Obi-wan's forearm. He doesn't comment. His expression doesn't change. He just keeps folding back the fabric, past the mess of scars on his wrists from various restraints, past knife scars and old blaster wounds, until he reaches Obi-wan's elbow. Then he takes out a wipe, gently cleans up the blood that's smeared everywhere, uncaps the bacta, and spreads it carefully over the small cut. When he's done, he folds Obi-wan's sleeve back down, meets his eyes again, this time with a look that tells him really quite clearly that he thinks he's an idiot, and leaves.
-
"Here, Sir." Cody says, sitting himself down on the grass next to Obi-wan and handing him a sandwich.
Obi-wan takes it with a grateful smile, and goes back to watching Boil and Waxer rig up a series of buckets on a pulley system. It seems to involve a lot of laughter and squealing and splashing of water.
"I'm not going to want to know what they're doing now, am I, Sir."
Obi-wan hides a grin.
"Well, after your ban on the shark cannon, they've been trying out other ways to bring bitey fish up into the castle. I believe these ones are headed for the piranha tank."
Cody sighs, with his usual indulgent tint.
It's so unabashedly, unashamedly fond. All the men are, free with their emotions in a way utterly foreign to Obi-wan.
He has a little experience with being a child soldier. And a clone army? Well, they couldn't be anything else, could they. Made for a single purpose. Drilled and trained and sent off to war, never experiencing anything outside of that. And now that they're free? Free and secure in their bonds with each other? It's only expected that they radiate joy and laughter and relief. Take the opportunity to have the fun they'd missed out on.
"So, if you don't mind my curiosity, how did you end up this far from the core, taking a contract from a Sith?" Obi-wan asks. These men are brilliant, surely they could have had their pick of work? Wouldn't need to work for a Sith after they'd spent their lives fighting against them.
Cody shrugs.
"Nobody wanted to hire the people who destroyed something to rebuild it."
Obi-wan tuts in commiseration.
"Extremely short sighted of them. You'd know best where all the bits go."
Cody snorts at that, and Obi-wan smiles at the sound.
"Their loss, my gain." He adds. He's selfishly glad. "Cody, do you know the difference between a Jedi and a Sith?"
Cody studies him over his half-eaten sandwich.
"I've never heard it explained to my satisfaction, Sir."
Obi-wan hums as he considers that, because Cody is not a stupid man. Far from it.
"It is probably difficult if you can't instinctively feel the force. And there are, oh, thousands of years of history and politics behind it that -" A brush of soft wool against his arm makes him jump, the head of a particularly stealthy sheep appears over his shoulder, making a lunge for the second half of his sandwich. "You stop that. That's my sandwich." The sheep glares at him with evil little eyes, then settles itself down by Obi-wan's feet, eyes back on his sandwich again. He watches the wooley menace suspiciously, ready to defend his lunch at the slightest sign of movement. "History and politics have had a significant effect on the terminology. I'll do my best to give you the full explanation later, if you're interested. For the purpose of this conversation though, it's..."
Obi-wan tails off as he considers the best words. Even leaving most of the more esoteric elements out, it's still a strange thing to try and convey.
"The light side of the force is accessed... clinically almost. Detached. Your mind has to be clear. It's formulaic, scientific. An action always has the same reaction. However, the dark side is where you access the force through the lens of your own emotions. It's much more... unpredictable. Wilder. Stronger too.
When those emotions are pain and rage and hatred, there can be some unpleasant consequences. But, -" The sheep lunges again, and this time, Cody clicks his tongue at it. Obi-wan has no idea what power Cody has over animals, but the thing skulks away.
"I thought you mostly got on with animals, Sir?"
Obi-wan leans back a little with a sigh.
"Most of them, yes. I'm afraid there's just something fundamentally evil about sheep."
Cody's eyebrow rises a fraction.
"You're not just saying that because one tried to eat your sandwich, Sir?"
"My dear, I would never."
Obi-wan hides a smile at Cody's chuckle and watches his fortress, emerging slowly from the ground. "Hate and anger, those aren't the only emotions that exist. The force here, Cody. It's thick with love and joy and pride. Careful concentration and the satisfaction of a job well done. With care." He looks pointedly at his own still half-eaten sandwich. "The very foundations of the fortress are literally seeped in it. You have made this what it is. All of you."
Cody watches him for a minute, then -
"That was rather the object of you hiring us, Sir."
Obi-wan tears off the corner of his sandwich and throws it at him.
"You know what I mean."
_
"Sir."
"Mmm?"
"I believe the curtains are flirting with Boil."
Obi-wan blinks and looks up. The what now?
He looks over to the window, which is an excellent floor to ceiling height, perfect for pushing people out of so that they fall dramatically onto the rocks below, and Boil is indeed being caressed by fabric fluttering in a nonexistent breeze.
"I don't mind, Sir! They're just being friendly!" Boil calls.
"They stop if you ask them nicely!" Waxer adds.
Obi-wan frowns, that hadn't been intentional at all. The force moves in strange ways, but -
"The bathroom on the seventeenth floor is stalking Wooley." Cody continues. "They're playing hide and seek." There's a brief pause. "The bathroom's winning."
"The bathroom is....?"
"Moving, Sir. The room itself appears to stay occupying the same area of physical space, but the door to it does not remain in the same location. I've had to move Theory to a different floor because the absence of physics is giving him a headache."
Obi-wan sits back and rubs at his beard. Admittedly he hadn't been entirely sure what those runes would do, and they certainly don't seem to be dangerous, just... mischievous.
"Is it possible the force magic is causing the building to take on elements of your personality, Sir?"
Which is a possible explanation, certainly, entirely plausible given what he knows of the -
"If that were the case, my dear, it would also be picking up on the personalities of everyone involved in its construction, provided they were emotionally invested and had bled on it."
Cody sighs heavily.
"That would explain the wallpaper."
"I thought the plans specified damp dark slimy walls with mysterious moss growing on them?" Obi-wan asks, confused. "Wallpaper doesn't really fit that aesthetic."
"Waxer spent a lot of time working on the East Tower, Sir."
"Oh."
Waxer was sufficiently emotionally invested in Obi-wan's fortress for it to manifest wallpaper for him?
That's... actually lovely. Really - Obi-wan swallows to try and clear the thickness from his throat. It's really nice that Waxer -
He catches Cody's stone faced expression.
Ah.
"It's got baby animals on it, hasn't it." Obi-wan deduces.
"Yes Sir."
Cody's expression doesn't change.
"Absolutely covered in horribly cute fluffy things with big soulful eyes."
"Yes Sir."
Drat.
Obi-wan sighs.
"I suppose that's what I get for meddling in forces beyond my comprehension. Leave it as it is, my dear, I doubt there's anything that can be done about it now."
Cody looks deeply offended at the suggestion of there being something he can't fix, but nods in acquiescence.
"As you say, Sir."
"Where's your personality in the Sith house, Commander?" Waxer asks, an edge of teasing to his voice as the Ghost team gather round for a caff break.
Cody looks utterly unimpressed.
"If my personality wasn't in that house, it would have grown legs and be paddling about in the sea chasing waterfowl and splashing people. Also, the caff would get cold."
"Sir," Boil points out, "there's an automatic caff warmer."
Cody smirks and takes a sip from his mug. That smirk on that man is appallingly attractive, and Obi-wan is far too aware of this fact.
"Did anyone plug it in?" Cody asks casually.
The men exchange glances, and Wooley leans back to check, bends over and stands back up holding the end of plug, very much not plugged in.
"...Kriff." Boil murmurs.
"Well, I imagine that will save on the energy bills." Obi-wan decides cheerfully.
"Probably just as well, Sir," Cody tells him, "as the plumbing appears to be filled with mostly tea."
"The hot tap in the bathroom on the fourth floor is particularly nice, Sir!" Wooley chimes in. "It's one of the green ones but also spicy?"
"Spicy?"
"Like spices spicy not hot spicy or spice spicy."
"Have you tried the shower on the twelfth floor Sir?"
"I've not yet had the pleasure, no."
"And on the upper levels," Clouds tells the camera, "there's been an unanticipated problem with the plumbing."
Obi-wan twists the dial, and blinks at the sudden downpour of what looks alarmingly like blood. Steam rises, bringing with it a heavy unmistakable scent of fruit.
"This one" Clouds informs the camera, "smells like leprechaun farts."
"Not sure how you're supposed to get clean, Sir." Cody points out, absolutely unimpressed.
The water obligingly turns clear, but the fruity scent remains.
Utterly delightful.
Obi-wan loves the force.
-
"Sir, you know you put those runes to encourage skittery, crawly things in the dungeons," Waxer asks him, voice thick with suppressed glee. "Is this quite what you had in mind?"
They are skittering and crawling, Obi-wan will admit. They look a little like beetles. But fluffy. The same number of legs, pincery claw things at the front, dark with a beautiful iridescent sheen, but covered in long, soft looking fur. And leaving a trail of something that looks like fine shimmering rainbow glitter in their wake.
"Not, exactly." Obi-wan confesses. "But I must admit, they are rather adorable."
-
Obi-wan pushes open the door, happy to pretend he can't see the camera hovering over his shoulder, and then stops abruptly when he catches sight of the floor beyond. Or, more accurately, the absence of floor. Instead, there's a helical stone slide vanishing into the darkness below.
"I'm... reasonably certain this wasn't here yesterday." He decides. And it's appeared too quickly to be the result of human intervention, even with Cody's team's efficiency. So sits himself down at the top of the slide, wrapping his robes around himself as primly as he can manage. Hopefully Clouds should be able to make something useful from that footage. He pushes forward with the force, and has a very enjoyable slide down to the bottom, where he lands into a pit of brightly coloured plastoid balls. And immediately catches one tossed to him even as he starts sinking into their depths.
Cody's hand wraps around his wrist, warm and calloused and already familiar, and tugs him gently back to the surface.
"Good of you to join us, Sir."
Obi-wan tosses his ball pit ball at his head with a smirk, and rearranges himself to minimise sinking.
"Boil." Waxer says slowly, "did you just drag someone with force magic into a ball pit fight?"
"Well we can't leave him out." Boil argues, "that would be forceist. It's not his fault the space magic likes him."
"Besides," Wooley adds, "this will be much more fun. Cody wasn't putting up enough of a challenge."
Cody's eyebrows rise deliberately, before he slowly lets himself sink down into the pit, maintaining ominous eye contact with Wooley the whole time.
"Osik." Waxer mutters as the balls close over Cody's head. "Now you've done it."
They look up from the spot Cody had disappeared, and straight into the wall of ball pit balls Obi-wan is levitating in the air behind him.
"Oh kriff." Wooley whines.
-
"The unexpected new inhabitants of the basement mean that Obi-wan has had to change some of his plans about the lighting."
"Well," Obi-wan explains to Clouds, ignoring the fluffy beetle trying to scale his robes using its pincers to grab sections of fabric, "originally the basement was going to be lit by a few conveniently placed patches of bioluminescent fungi. Not enough to lift the dark and gloomy atmosphere, just enough to see by."
The fluff beetle has reached his shoulder and has started repeatedly and determinedly headbutting his neck, force presence a repeated chant of "pets!pets!pets!"
Obi-wan reaches out and obligingly runs a thumb gently over its back. It's ridiculously soft. Its presence melts into a puddle of contentment, and it starts emitting a particularly melodic trill.
"The glitter that these little fellows secrete turns out to be glow in the dark."
"It's also quite difficult to remove, and with no cleaning droids, layers of it are building up on the walls, the floor, and even the ceiling."
"I will admit," Obi-wan says, stroking at his beard a little sheepishly. "While it's not entirely the 'vibe' I was aiming for, it is rather lovely."
-
Obi-wan is halfway through the cavernous central hall with its towering columns and elegant arches when he notices the new addition right in the centre of the space.
It's tall, and tiered, and -
"Is that a fountain?"
"Yes Sir." Cody confirms.
Around its base, figures in their vibrant orange-gold are sat on the floor, holding something suspended on sticks into the dark, gloopy cascade.
"A chocolate fountain?"
"Yes Sir."
Incredible.
Obi-wan loves the force. Loves these men. Loves everything.
Wait.
There's something in the force. It doesn't feel dangerous, and he knows the force won't hurt these men but... there's something off with that fountain. It feels like conservation. Like preservation and continuity. A little bit like taking a step backwards. Or an old holo, a moment suspended in time.
"Is that a chocolate fountain of youth??"
Incredible. The absolute pinnacle of Sith questing, just materialising in his hall.
Cody glances sideways at him.
"If you say so, Sir."
"You're all free to use it of course, the force probably made it with you in mind, I really don't know what I'd do with eternal youth. I'd probably have to find more empires to dismantle once I've finished with the Hutts."
"It stops you aging, Sir?"
"Indeed. I suspect it might also regress you slightly if you've passed peak physical fitness, but I'm not sure."
Cody hums in thought and stares at the fountain, eyes slightly distant in that way he has when he's constructing convoluted plans.
"Could be useful, Sir." He explains when he catches Obi-wan's inquisitive gaze. "We were engineered to age at twice the rate of natborns."
Oh. Yes, that makes sense why the Force would think they needed it.
"And now you have a choice." Obi-wan concludes. "I suspect the effects of the fountain wear off if you stop drinking, or ah, eating, from it, so your lifespan is now in your own hands."
Cody looks up at him, and holds his gaze. Tilts his head ever so slightly.
"You know Sir," he starts, "I never was entirely sure if I believed you when you said the castle responded to our desires. I'm still not sure if it is, or if it's responding to your desires for us."
He smiles at whatever Obi-wan's face is doing in response to that, and turns, striding over to pluck a chocolate covered marshmallow off Waxer's stick to the sound of outrage.
-
"Wooley!" Waxer calls, "Get your shebs away from that fountain, you already have a tubie face, you don't want to regress any further!"
"Ah, I'm afraid that's actually not at all how it -"
"My face looks exactly the same as yours, you kriffer! I'll eat as much fountain chocolate as I like!"
A throat clears.
"I'll eat as much fountain chocolate as Artery will let me!" He amends without hesitation. "I don't need another lecture on my sugar intake!"
-
"Sir. Are you aware that there are several weaknesses in your dungeon design."
Obi-wan looks across at Cody, who's frowning at an array of data pads and flimsy spread across the table in front of him.
"Oh, of course. I'm really quite expert at being held captive. I'm afraid I find it horribly unsporting to make containment areas utterly impenetrable. Besides, what am I even supposed to do with prisoners? They just seem like an unnecessary expense."
Cody turns his frown on Obi-wan, something amused and resigned in his eyes.
"So you're aiming for something difficult but not impossible to escape from?"
"Precisely!"
"So like, hiding the key?" Boil asks, uncertainly.
"You could hide clues to find the key in different places?" Waxer adds.
"Oooh," Wooley squeals, "riddles! You need to solve a riddle to find the key!"
"Really basic code breaking." Cody suggests.
"Well, the idea is for it to be difficult to get out of, right Sir? Why not use all of them?"
"Oh!" Wooley chirps, excited. "Jump scares!"
"My dears, that all sounds marvelous."
"We'll need to get up into the vents to set some of these." Cody comments from his new flimsiwork.
"I can probably squeeze -" Obi-wan offers, but is cut off by a gentle "That won't be necessary, Sir," and a sharp whistle.
A foot appears at the top of the ornamental fireplace.
Another of the men, one Obi-wan definitely hasn't met yet, climbs down the chimney that doubles as the ventilation and heating system. He's wearing what looks like a high visibility blanket with sleeves and a hood. The hood is down and full of snoozing fluff beetles.
"Sirs."
"Acee." Cody responds. "There's been a change in mission parameters for the dungeons." He explains. "Difficult but not impossible to escape."
Acee just watches Cody. Then nods.
"Spinning fan blades, flamethrowers and sections of vent where if you pause for too long the bottom falls out?"
"Exactly."
Acee turns to Obi-wan.
"You have very nice secret passages, Sir. Very clean. Cosy. Good nesting spots. Don't always go to the same place."
This is news to Obi-wan who didn't even know he had secret passages. Although he supposes that shouldn't be particularly surprising, if they're secret.
"The best entrances are the ones behind the bookshelves in the library. Always go where you want them to go."
"Which bookshelves?" Cody asks, apparently these passages are news to him as well.
"Any of them"
How extraordinarily lovely.
-
"Progress on Obi-wan's Sith fortress has slowed slightly as the building teams are taking it in turns to lock themselves in the dungeons and test how long it takes for them to escape. Cody is currently in the lead with 34 seconds, with Ghost company not far behind at 97."
"About 20 of that was us waiting for Waxer to stop petting the -"
"- Boil!" Wooley hisses "Spoilers!"
" - thing."
-
Obi-wan pauses, and turns, peering out through the giant transparasteel doors onto one of the balconies. Then he pushes them open. What had been a dark stone expanse bound by a sharp balustrade the last time he'd passed this way is now lush with greenery, and bright splashes of reds and yellows. It's overflowing the space, trailing down over the edge and creeping up the walls behind him. Something just tickles his neck, and he carefully picks up the vine that had been making a stealthy attempt to wind its way around his throat, removing it from his person.
"None of that now, thank you." He scolds.
All the plants here are predatory. There's the stranglers, and some snappers. Some that drown their prey, and others look unfortunately sticky.
"Ah." A voice says from behind him. He turns to find a clone in a thick sleeveless high vis vest covered in pockets, holding a pair of secateurs and a flamethrower. "You've found the hungry garden. There's a poison one growing on the other side as well, if you've not found that one yet."
-
"Sir!" Waxer hisses in an excited whisper, "look!"
Obi-wan follows his gaze, up to the dungeon ceiling where hundreds of the little fluff beetles are hanging like loth bats, huddled together. Occasionally one stretches a feathered wing.
They are, quite overwhelmingly, adorable.
-
Clouds sits himself down opposite Obi-wan, and Cody joins them, pushing a mug of tea across the table to him, and putting a mug of caff down in front of Clouds. His own caff he cradles carefully to his chest.
"We know you went over budget," Clouds says as his camera bobs above them, "but how much by?"
"Oh, vast amounts, my dear."
Clouds nods as if this is exactly the level of precision he was looking for, then turns to Cody.
"And Cody, did you manage to keep to your proposed timescales?"
Cody gives him the 'you've just said something extremely stupid in my hearing' look. Obi-wan's lip twitches, it's a look he's very familiar with by this point.
"Yes."
Clouds waits for more, but when none is forthcoming he turns back to Obi-wan.
"You had quite high expectations at the beginning of this build, do you think it's managed to meet them?"
"Oh no, my dear, it's rather dramatically exceeded them. All credit to Cody and his team, they are unimaginably good at what they do."
"And the move in date?" Clouds asks.
"My dear, I've been living here the whole time."
"Do you have plans for the future? It's quite a substantial castle, are you planning to put it to use in any way?"
Obi-wan looks pointedly at Clouds, then at Cody.
"Well, it is quite a lot of space for one person."
Cody's eyebrows rise a fraction.
"I see how it is, Sir. You just want your very own army of evil."
"That, my dear," Obi-wan retorts, "would be an added bonus."
Clouds turns to camera.
"It's lucky Obi-wan has room in his new build for his growing family."
Cody sends Clouds a sideways glare.
"Cody." Obi-wan says quietly. "The fortress built rooms for you. All of you. You all have a home here whenever you want one."
"I wouldn't want to overstay our welcome, Sir."
"You couldn't." Cody cocks his head a fraction, eyes so impossibly warm. "Sith are allowed to deal in absolutes, my dear. And that is one of them. Stay as long as you like as often as you like, you're always welcome." He pouts. "It likes you more than me anyway."
"Naturally, Sir."
Obi-wan uses the force to flick his ear, and Cody smirks.
"And join us next time on Space Grand Designs," Clouds interrupts cheerfully, still talking to camera, "to find out if these two dikuts ever get their act together and actually kiss."
"Clouds." Cody says.
"Yes, Sir?" Clouds asks, then pauses as he sees the look on Cody's face. He yelps and dashes off into the distance, the camera following after.
--
spaceTube
212 Construction - Sith fortress - cut scene - Terrance appreciation #1 (00:00:18)
An imposing shot of a Sith fortress on a rocky spire surrounded by a moat of lava. Dark clouds blanket the sky. The camera pans revealing an orange moat of oozing, bubbling lava. A giant, brightly coloured, rainbow striped beach ball flies gently across the screen. The beach ball is caught by a giant tentacle, which promptly throws it back.
212 Construction - Sith fortress - cut scene - Terrance appreciation #2 (00:00:08)
Cody is staring deadpan straight into camera.
"Somebody gave Terrance lasers."
212 Construction - Sith fortress - cut scene - Terrance appreciation #3 (00:06:17)
Obi-wan and Cody are standing by the lava moat looking up towards the ominous fortress looming above them and discussing something quietly, heads bent together.
Two tentacles slowly slip out of the moat, creep along the ground, and carefully wrap themselves around the two men. Obi-wan visibly yelps in surprise as he's pulled into the air, while Cody just sighs and relaxes into the hold. The tentacles slowly draw together until the two men's faces bump gently.
"Terrance," Obi-wan can be heard scolding, "we need to have a talk about consent."
"No offence, Sir, but I'm not going to kiss anyone just because an overly warm inflated squid told me to."
The tentacle holding Cody hurls him violently towards the bank, where he lands with a casual roll and a smug smirk. Obi-wan is set down more gently, but the retreating tentacle very deliberately trips him as it recedes into the lava.
There's a heavy sigh as Cody looks down at the Sith in his arms. The Sith tilts his head to look up at him with a mischievous little smile, making no attempt to remove himself from his project manager.
"While we're, ah, on the subject of kissing and consent..." Obi-wan starts, then Cody twists and suddenly he's carrying Obi-wan in his arms towards the fortress.
"I can think of better locations for this conversation, Sir."
The camera captures Obi-wan wrapping his arms around Cody's neck before the view is interrupted by a giant tentacle, far too close to the holo and getting closer, followed by the ground and sky spinning uncontrollably, then lava, and finally, only blackness.