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If you were to ask the Firebird how he managed to end up here, he really wouldn't have any clue whatsoever on how to answer. But, he thought, maybe he should just blame Firelord Sozin.
Earlier...
As annoying as Katara and Sokka's (and Toph's) bickering was, Zuko mused, it was nice to have a break with his friends-one that didn't involve a dangerous and/or life-changing mission.
"Guys, stop fighting!" he heard Aang say. Like that was going to do anything.
Katara huffed. "We wouldn't be fighting if someone would just tell his sister what is going on!"
They absolutely would be, though. When Katara wasn't arguing with Sokka, she was arguing with Toph. She did it because she cared, Zuko had come to understand.
"...told you, Katara, nothing is going on!" Sokka half-shouted, half-whined.
"He's lying!" Top sing-songed. Zuko knew that she was absolutely delighted by the chaos.
"Yeah, I know!" Katara exclaimed. "I'm his sister!"
"I'm older!" Sokka complained.
Katara spluttered. "So!?" she asked, exasperated, "What does that have to do with anything!?"
"I dunno." Sokka muttered.
"Yes he does!" Top sing-longed.
Hang continued to attempt to mediate in vain. "Guys-"
"Don't bother, Aang," Zuko said, "They're siblings. Arguing is like... half of their relationship. And Toph... well, Toph just likes the chaos of those two... maybe because she's an only child? I guess? Or she's just an agent of chaos."
"-Sokka, just tell me what's going on with you!" Katara was shouting when Zuko tuned back into the argument.
"NO! I CAN'T TELL YOU! LEAVE ME ALONE!" Sokka snapped, shocking everyone.
Katara recoiled, her eyes wide. "S...Sokka?" But Sokka had already turn and run off.
It was silent for far too long.
"Woah." Toph finally said. "Yikes."
"...Katara?" Aang asked softly.
Katara stared off in the direction her brother had run. "He never yells like that." she finally whispered.
Sokka was a loud person, but the more Zuko thought about it, the more he realized that what Katara said was true: Sokka never yelled like that... not unless something was really upsetting him. Zuko had never been good at.... anything like this. So he could do nothing but watch the situation unfold.
"Maybe I pushed to hard," Katara said quietly, "but at the same time, his outburst just makes me way more concerned."
"You're worried about him, because he's your brother," Zuko finally spoke up, trying his hardest to be comforting, "you're just trying to take care of him, and sometimes that... the way you try to... sometimes it... hurts him? I think? So... but you... he..." Zuko sighed. "Point is, you're trying to look out for him."
Katara looked up at him. "So what do I do?"
Wait, she was asking him? He didn't have any idea.
"I, uh, um... you should... um...."
"Oh, for goodness sake!" Toph snapped. "Why don't you just try to talk to him without starting a fight?"
"I did!" Katara exclaimed, "He was the one who started being defensive and shouty!"
Zuko took a small step away. He wasn't going to be any help.
"Why don't I talk to him?" Aang suggested. "I am the Avatar-solving people's problems and mediating is my job!"
"I don't know, Aang..." Katara sighed. He's my brother, she didn't say, but Zuko wondered if she might've been thinking it.
Aang was trying to think of the perfect solution, Zuko could tell-he always was.
"I've got it!" Aang exclaimed. "You talk to Sokka, just the two of you, but we-" he gestured to himself, Zuko, and Toph "-will be nearby to step in if we need to!"
"That'd be great, except he ran off! What if he doesn't come back today? And then avoids me once he does?"
"You don't have to worry 'bout that," Toph interjected. "He's coming back."
"Sokka!" Katara exclaimed.
Her brother ignored her, walking over to a tree and pretending he was doing something.
Aang stepped away from the siblings, as did Toph. Zuko followed their lead, staying just barely within earshot and sight of the siblings.
He heard Katara sigh. "Look, Sokka, I'm sorry I pushed too hard, and Toph's sorry for teasing. I'm just... You're my brother, Sokka! You mean so much to me, and you haven't been acting like yourself, and I'm just worried!"
"...I know." Zuko had to strain to hear Sokka's response. "And I'm sorry I snapped. But it's nothing for you to worry about. I'm fine."
"He's lying." Toph whispered, this time with no amusement in her voice.
Zuko saw Katara grab her brother's wrist when he tried to walk away.
"No, you're not." she said. "And I want to know what's wrong! I want to help, Sokka! Let me help you fix whatever's wrong, please!"
"You can't," her brother whispered, "Because nothing's wrong. I just... can't tell you everything. I can't tell you about... this."
"He's... telling the truth?" Toph murmured. "But... that doesn't make sense!"
"Maybe he's planning a surprise for Katara?" Aang offered. Toph gave him a Look. "No, you're right-he wouldn't have snapped if that were it."
"Shh!" Zuko hissed.
"Sokka, you can tell me anything!"
"No. I can't."
"Why not?" Katara asked, her voice getting louder.
"Look, it's just... personal, Katara!" Sokka said, "It's just personal," he repeated.
"I'm your sister!" Katara exclaimed. "When have we ever kept personal things-ones that clearly mean a lot-from each other!?" She was quiet for a moment, then she gasped. "It's not something terrible, or... or... or..."
Her brother sighed. "No, no, nothing like that, I swear."
"Then why can't you tell me!?" Katara sounded like she was about to cry.
"Because it's stupid, okay!?" Sokka cried. "I mean, it is but it's not... laugh... It'll never be important for you, not really, it's just personal; it doesn't matter!"
"You are my brother," Katara repeated. "If it matters to you, it matters to me."
Zuko couldn't read the expression on Sokka's face. Sokka sighed. "Okay," he finally said, before turning to face- "Aang. Toph. Zuko. You wanna get out here and be awkward for a minute, or stay there and spend the next however long pretending you don't know until one of you slips up?"
Zuko was flabergasted. He followed Aang and Toph out of their hiding place, but stayed further away from the group. They may all be close friends now, but Zuko felt like he probably wasn't as close to the others as they were to each other.
Katara looked at Sokka expectantly.
Sokka sighed. "I like someone-" Katara gasped. "-and I don't want you making a big deal about it!"
"When have I ever-" Katara stopped short, seeing the Look Sokka was giving her. "But seriously, that was all, Sokka, really?!?"
Sokka muttered something Zuko couldn't hear. Katara looked at Sokka with an unreadable expression. "Okay, and?"
"...you don't care?" Sokka asked.
"What we saw in the Earth Kingdom really bothered you, huh?" Katara replied. Sokka nodded, and Katara hugged him tightly. "Sokka, we grew up in the Southern Water Tribe. Sure, we keep stuff like that personal, but we keep literally everything personal. I love you, Sokka, and you really are the biggest idiot I know if you thought this would change that."
"Of course I didn't!" Sokka insisted, "I really did just not want you to interrogate me and make a big deal about me liking someone."
"I feel like we missed something," Aang said. Toph nodded in agreement.
Sokka looked at Katara. "Your call, Sokka. But for whatever it's worth... it's not going to change how they think of you, either."
Sokka shrugged. "I mean, again, I mostly just didn't wanna tell you for the previously stated reason."
"He's telling the truth!" Toph said. "Which makes how long this conversation is getting drawn out both amusing and dumb."
"Thanks, Toph," Sokka muttered, before he finally said, "I like a boy. Well, I like girls and boys, but right now I like a boy-and NO, I will NOT be telling you who."
The world around Zuko seemed to grow fuzzy. He could hear and see everything that was going on around him, but it was duller and more muted against the noise of his mind.
His heart was racing why was Sokka so clam why would he share something like that he was going to get hurt or exiled or worse.
His heart was racing and so was his mind, but he tried to tune both out.
"Yeah, Snoozles, Katara's right," Toph was saying, "We don't care."
"That's great, Sokka!" Aang exclaimed, "Love who you love! Monk Gyatso and the other monks taught that love transcends the physical body. It doesn't matter if the person you love is a boy or a girl, so long as you love them!"
"Thanks, Aang, but I was never really that worried about that part-"
"Zuko, are you crying!?" Katara exclaimed. Everyone turned to him.
Zuko hadn't realized that he was crying, but sure enough, tears were falling down his face.
And then the broken words were tumbling out of his mouth before he could stop them. "So I'm not broken... I'm- I'm not disohonorable... I- I'm not a disgrace to the nation... for... for... for liking boys?" his last few words were barely audible as Zuko began to curl into himself.
"Oh my gosh," Katara whispered.
"Of course not!" Sokka exclaimed.
"C'mon, Sparky, you're not that stupid-of course it doesn't!"
"Of course not," Aang echoed. "But... I thought the Fire Nation was accepting!"
"A lot's changed since your time," Katara gently reminded him.
If he wasn't so overwhelmed, Zuko might've laughed-the Fire Nation? Accepting? Even just the idea was so foreign to him that it was ridiculous.
"Can we hug you?" Katara asked. Zuko nodded, and his friends held him as he cried.
Later, once tears were no longer flooding his face and the familiar sound of Toph and Katara bickering had returned, Zuko went for a walk.
He found himself on a cliff, sitting down and staring up at the moon.
"Hey, Yue," a voice said, "Today was-oh, uh, huh, Zuko!"
"Sokka? Who were you talking to just now?"
Sokka sighed and sat down next to Zuko. "My ex-girlfriend." At Zuko's puzzled look, he pointed to the moon. "Her name was-is? Not really sure-due."
"Oh. That's... that's rough, buddy." Zuko said, unsure what one was supposed to say to a person who's girlfriend had turned into the moon.
Sokka gave a small laugh. "Yeah. I come out here to talk to her sometimes," he admitted.
"Oh," Zuko said again. "...do you want me to go?"
"Nah, it's fine," Sokka said, "she'll still be here later."
Zuko was quiet.
"Hey... are you okay?" Sokka asked softly. "After... well, everything."
Zuko wanted to lie, to say he was fine, but... he shook his head.
"Do you... wanna talk about it?"
Zuko shook his head.
"That's alright," Sokka assured him. So why did Zuko wish...
"Do you need to talk about it?" Sokka asked gently. Zuko looked up at him in surprise.
Zuko stared at the ground, wishing he didn't know the answer. He nodded.
"Okay," Sokka said softly. When Zuko didn't begin to speak, Sokka did.
"You can love whoever back home," Sokka started, "just so long as you're quiet about it. Then again, despite the Water Tribe being so focused on community, we keep an awful lot of things 'personal'. Anyways, I never even considered that it might not be okay until we went to the Earth Kingdom."
Katara mentioned all of that, Zuko thought.
"While we were there, we saw two guys on a date, and went on with our day. We ran into the same two guys later... after they'd gotten beat up."
Oh.
"It scared me," Sokka admitted quietly. He was quiet for a moment. "But I was telling the truth when I said I knew Katara would love me regardless and just didn't want her grilling me about potential boyfriends and such."
Sokka looked at Zuko. "But something tells me that you didn't have that luxury."
"...no. I didn't." Zuko finally said, "If ywhat you saw in the Earth Kingdom... well, if you thought that was bad..."
"Lemme guess-Fire Nation's a million times worse?"
Zuko nodded. "It's frowned upon in the Earth Kingdom, but at least it's legal."
"Sorry, what?"
"It's illegal in the Fire Nation," Zuko repeated.
"Well, that explains..."
"Yeah." Zuko muttered. "I mean, it's bad back in the Fire Nation. Punishment ranges from a warning to a fine to imprisonment to banishment to..."
"To...?"
"...death," Zuko admitted quietly.
"WHAT?!?"
"Not always," Zuko said, "Not even usually. It depends on the degree of..."
"That is... really messed up." Sokka said.
"Yeah," Zuko agreed, "Yeah it is. If you were reported for liking someone, but not acting on it, sometimes-depending on age-you'd be Warned, fined, or sent to a "treatment" facility. Dating someone was usually imprisonment. Living as if you were married could be imprisonment or exile. And if you were caught kissing or... whatever... well, let's just say you'd hope to be exiled."
Sokka stared at him in horror. "Zuko..." he whispered.
Zuko hugged his knees to his chest, willing the tears not to fall again.
"How long have you known that you..." Sokka asked quietly.
Zuko stared intensely at a blade of grass. "It's... complicated. I've known since I was little. I've been unable to pretend I don't since... some point in my banishment. For years, I subconsciously (I think) convinced myself that I wasn't, that I didn't. Told myself I was in love with Mai. That was easy-I love her, I'm just... not in love with her. Eventually, while I was traveling, I so clearly didn't like the girls Uncle tried to set me up with, I so clearly wished that she was someone else, that she was not her, but him, that I... I couldn't lie to myself. I could continue lying to everyone else, but I couldn't fool myself any longer."
"Oh, Zuko..." Sokka murmured. "I'm so sorry. You shouldn't-no one should-have had to live like that! You shouldn't have to hide who you are; no one should be punished for who they are!"
Despite his best efforts, tears were once again streaming down Zuko's face. Sokka wrapped Zuko in a hug.
"I can't do it anymore," Zuko whispered.
"What?"
Zuko cried. "I can't hid this anymore, Sokka."
"Well," Sokka said, "You are the Firelord-can't you just, y'know, change the law?"
"That'd be the easy part," Zuko replied, "Undoing and making up for all the hurt and pain, undoing and unlearning all the prejudice-we were taught that being... like this... was wrong and broken-"
"That's really messed up; I'm so sorry," Sokka interrupted.
Zuko nodded in acknowledgment. "Undoing and unlearning all that'd be a lot harder. And... but... for me..."
"Even that wouldn't be the hardest part," Sokka quietly finished the thought that Zuko couldn't voice, "Would it."
"No," Zuko admitted, so, so quietly, "It wouldn't."
Sokka was silent. Zuko assumed he was waiting for him to elaborate.
"The 'hardest' part is ironic, isn't it-that I don't think it'll be reshaping a hundred years of pain into acceptance, but rather... me... the irony... is not fixing a country, but... me... me telling... telling..." Zuko couldn't even say this out loud.
"The hardest part would be telling the people you care about, wouldn't it?" Sokka said it like a question, but they both already knew the answer.
Zuko nodded.
"You don't have to-"
"Maybe not, but..." Zuko interrupted, louder than he'd intended. He dug his nails into his arms. "I can't hide this anymore, Sokka. I've been hiding this-and every other part of me that has been considered wrong and broken-my whole life! I don't even know how to be me; how to stop hiding parts of me. I mean, sometimes I don't even realize I'm hiding! But I've been hiding my entire life and it's exhausting! I'm exhausted from all of the hiding. I want to tell them- I need to tell them! ...but the thought of doing so terrifies me. Fixing a whole nation almost seems easy in comparison."
"Oh, Zuko," Sokka whispered.
"I need to tell my Uncle and my mother, but I'm so scared," Zuko admitted.
Sokka hugged Zuko again. "I don't know what to say, Zuko. I wish I could fix it all. Is there anything I can do to help?"
Zuko was quiet for a moment, then he stood up. "...no," he said finally, "I need to do this myself."
"Wh- wait, Zuko, where are you going!?" Sokka exclaimed.
Zuko turned back to face Sokka, hoping the sheer terror wasn't showing on his face. "To stop hiding."
"Zuko, you don't have to do this now-"
"Yes, I do!" Zuko cried. "I'm so tired of hiding, Sokka! I need to know if..." Zuko's voice grew quieter. "...if they'll still love me."
Sokka looked at him. "Of course they will. Your Uncle loves you so much, Zuko. He's never once held any of your mistakes against you, and there's absolutely nothing you could say or do or be that would make him love you any less. As for your mom, it's so clear that she loves you ver much, and she just got you back! She'll probably just be happy her son trusts her enough to share this!"
"...you really think so?" Zuko asked softly, afraid.
"Yeah, I do," Sokka replied, giving him a smile. "C'mon. If you really need to tell them now, we can borrow Appa and be back before morning."
"Another life-changing field trip?" Zuko joked shakily.
Sokka grinned. "Sure!"
The flight to the Fire Nation, for better or worse, was very short.
"Stay here, Sokka."
"Huh?" Sokka said. "But... I can be there! To make it easier!"
Zuko shook his head. "No. I have to do this myself."
"Okay," Sokka said. He smiled reassuringly at Zuko. "You can do this."
Zuko just hoped Sokka was right.
Walking into the gardens, Zuko quickly spotted his Uncle.
"Nephew!" Uncle exclaimed, "You're back early."
"Just a short visit, Uncle."
"I see. Come! Sit!" Uncle insisted. "Would your friend like to join us as well?"
"My friend? ...Sokka!" Zukko looked up to see Sokka standing at the edge of the gardens.
Zuko stormed over.
"Sokka, I told you I need to do this myself!" he hissed.
"I know, I know, I'm sorry," Sokka apologized. "I'm just really worried! About you. because you've been really upset. All day. And I know your Uncle will love you regardless but you don't seem to know that and I just... wanna help. Make sure you're okay."
Zuko didn't really know what to say. "Thanks, Sokka," he murmured.
"I care a lot about you, Zuko," Sokka said quietly. "But I know you need to do this on your own. But I'll be waiting with Appy and we can leave as soon or not-soon as you need. Don't forget that they love you, and... I... I'm here." With that, Sokka turned and began to walk back to Appa.
Zuko blinked. His face felt like it was going to fly right off. His heart was racing and his stomach felt like someone was flipping pancakes inside of it. His entire face felt like it was being set on fire (Again, he joked darkly in his head) and he felt like he might collapse.
Wow. He was even more terrified than he thought.
But he took a deep breath and walked back to his waiting Uncle.
"I-I... I need to tell you something, Uncle." He said. Welp, this is your last chance to make up a lie and go back to hiding-NO! No more hiding!
Uncle Iroh smiled reassuringly. "I am all ears, Nephew."
Zuko took a breath and said, "I like boys." It was quiet, barely audible, but he knew that Iroh had heard him.
Zuko stared at the ground, his nails digging into his sides as he willed the tears that were gathering not to begin to spill.
"Zuko," Iroh said, and Zuko's mind began to race. Here it comes he's going to hate me and- "I am not surprised." -he's going to-wait WHAT- "And I hope, my child, that you are not surprised by this-nor anything else you could tell me for that matter-could ever make me love you any less."
Zuko looked up, unable, once again, to prevent the tears from falling. Uncle opened his arms and Zuko ran into the embrace.
When his tears slowed, Uncle asked, "Are you perhaps telling me this because you have a boyfriend?"
Zuko could only let out a startled "Eh, what?"
"Maybe a certain Water Tribe boy?"
"No!" Zuko exclaimed, his face burning. "I... I.... my friends taught me today that I am not a disgrace or broken for liking boys and I was so tired of hiding that Sokka offered to bring me here to tell you and mom."
Uncle pulled away. "Your friends are right, Zuko."
"And so is your Uncle."
"Huh- Mom!? How long have you been standing there!? How, uh, how much did you hear?!?" Zuko exclaimed.
His mom smiled softly. "Nearly all of it. Your Uncle is right, Zuko-nothing you could tell us could ever make us love you any less."
She and Uncle offered another embrace, which Zuko happily accepted.
"And if you ever get a boyfriend, that sweet Water Tribe boy-"
"MOM!"
"-or anyone else," his mom said, with a smile Zuko couldn't quite decipher the meaning behind, "I hope that you'll tell us.
Zuko nodded. "Thank you," he whispered.
"Nephew, you do not need to thank us for loving you."
Zuko held his Mom and Uncle tighter.
When he finally walked back to where Sokka was waiting, he said, "You were right."
"I know!" Sokka said with a grin.
As Appa flew them back to their friends, Zuko looking at Sokka and thinking about the day he'd just had, he couldn't help but think,
If you were to ask me how I ended up here, I... really wouldn't have any clue how to answer. But maybe I'll just blame Firelord Sozin.