Chapter Text
Why am I here?
She was beginning to lose count.
Surely, surely—she was nearing the end. There was no possible way that she'd have made this many all in one morning. Surely there were only a couple more left.
That's what she'd told herself at twenty.
Then twenty-five.
Then thirty-five.
Then...
Forty-seven.
Or maybe it was forty-eight.
Why am I here?
The different flavors had long since begun to blur together, and whenever Columbina asked for her input after she'd taken a sip, she'd long since stopped trying to infuse any real effort into her reviews.
It's whatever.
I can't really tell the difference between this one and the last.
That one tasted like mud-water.
She kept her tone as monotone and disinterested as she possibly could. Surely she would take a hint. Surely even if she had more to offer, she would recognize that Sandrone couldn't care less about—
"Annnnnd...this one is called 'Lapsang Souchong.'"
Columbina beamed up at Sandrone's sour expression, completely undeterred, as she poured her latest creation into the teacup before her, rattling on as if reading directly from a textbook.
"It is a kind of black tea that consists of Camellia sinensis leaves that are smoke-dried over a pinewood fire. It is said that this blend is good for your cardiovascular health, as well as for immune support and digestion!"
"Incredible." Sadrone deadpanned as she lifted the teacup to her lips. "Although, I'm pretty sure that only applies to, y'know, human beings."
"Oh! Well..." Columbina's cheerful smile dimmed slightly for a fraction of a second before swiftly returning in full force. "... at least it tastes good! Right?"
It did not, in fact, taste good.
It tasted primarily of ash and tar, as if Columbina had smothered the tea leaves in a campfire instead of smoking them. It took no small amount of willpower from Sandrone not to spew the mixture into the napkin splayed across her lap.
She swallowed. It only seemed to get worse the further down her throat it went, until her entire mouth and tongue were recoiling from the aftertaste.
"Alrighty! Looks like you've gotten it all down...notes?"
Why am I here?
"That was the worst thing you've served me today." She held nothing back. She allowed her frustration and annoyance to come out in full display as she paired her uncaring words with a matching glare.
She'd been tracked down, dragged into Columbina's room for a 'quick favor,' and been subsequently subjected to this ordeal for over an hour and a half. The time and place for pretense were long gone.
"Actually, I think most of these were terrible. Absolutely unsalvageable. Perhaps you should try finding a new hobby. You don't appear particularly skilled at this one."
Harsh.
Insensitive.
Thoughtless.
She really didn't care at this point. Anything to get her out of here and away from this crazy woman.
"So...you did like some of them?"
...
"What?"
"You said, 'I think most of these were terrible.' Doesn't that imply that you did like some of the flavors?
Sandrone's scowl deepened. That was what she chose to focus on? Not the rest of Sandrone's scathing words? What was wrong with this person?
"I. Do. Not. Want. To. Drink. Any. More. Of. Your. Teas." She put excruciating emphasis on each word, speaking as slowly and condescendingly as she could. "I. Am. Leaving. Now."
She rose, keeping her eyes locked on the brunette. She didn't look the least bit unfazed, her sunny grin kept fixed in place, her face a picture of contentment as she stared back.
"Well then, before you go...may I ask what your favorite was?"
She was insane. That was made crystal clear to Sandrone now. The woman before her was completely and utterly deranged.
"Why do you care?"
Why am I here?
Call it morbid curiosity, but some part of her wanted to know. She probably wouldn't even be able to comprehend the answer she'd be given, seeing as this person's mind was clearly incapable of working in any rational sense.
"I'd like to know more about you."
There you go. Exactly as she'd expected.
"I'd like to know your likes and dislikes..."
She should put as much distance between herself and this girl as possible. If she ever caught a glimpse of her when she was out and about, she'd be sure to turn and walk in the opposite direction.
"...how to make you happy, as well as ways to avoid making you sad..."
She could always lock herself away in her workshop. That was the only way she could be sure she would be safe from her during the day.
"...and y'know...maybe you'd start to like me more..."
Sounds like a plan. This will surely be the last conversation she'd ever have to suffer through with this girl.
"...and then we could hang out together...and talk...and maybe other stuff..."
...
"Other stuff?"
"Yeah! Y'know..." Columbina waved her hands around vaguely, "...like human stuff. I'm pretty sure you've got the anatomy for it...I certainly do...so maybe someday we'll get to that point. But really, I'd just like to get to know you better, y'know? And I just thought...what better way to start than by finding out what kind of tea you like?"
...
This girl.
Is utterly deranged.
Has no idea how to engage in anything that even approaches a normal human interaction.
Seems to lack any social awareness whatsoever.
Should be avoided at all costs.
...
...
...
"My favorite was the Earl Grey."