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Once upon a time in a very digital circus, Pomni and Ragatha decided to head down to the abstraction aquarium to go visit their late friend Jax. Luckily, the staircase down there was very newly built. Otherwise, anyone who decided to use it would definitely fall through the steps, as the aquarium always had to be kept dark religiously as to not piss off the abstractions, and no light meant that maintenance could not see what the hell was going on with the construction down there.
After scurrying down the very dark and muy creepy stairs, the two made it to the tank where Jax had been staying lately. Caine had moved him from his usual pillow fort to be closer to Ribbit, who Pomni had never really known, as every time she asked someone about Ribbit they would mysteriously burst into uncontrollable tears and become inconsolable for the next two business days.
"Looks like Jax is just over there," Ragatha said as she gestured to the abstraction near the bottom of the tank. Pomni genuinely had no idea how Ragatha knew which one was Jax and which was Ribbit if they were supposed to be in the same tank. She assumed Ragatha had probably just guessed. As Pomni looked into the tank at the abstracted body of the person she'd tried so hard to get to know, she couldn't help but feel tears start to prick her eyes. She had been in kind of an edgy mood that day and was hoping to suffer in silence in the dark, but the light from Jax's many eyes illuminated Pomni's face and revealed her reaction to Ragatha.
"I know, Pomni, I know. It's awful, but... But he's in a better place now." Ragatha laughed nervously.
"I guess." Pomni shrugged. Having all those eyes seemed like kind of a nuisance to keep up with though. She wasn't sure it really would be that much fun to live as an abstraction, but she was so exhausted from the events of the finale that she decided not to try and argue about it.
Pomni stared deeper into the tank and decided to break the only rule that aquariums have: "Don't tap on the glass". In fact, there was actually a sign from Caine nearby that read: "Please, don't tap on the digital glass. It scares the abstractions!" Pomni thought that was stupid. These abstractions knew who she was. She was like the main character after all. So she tapped on the glass for a solid minute before Jax the abstraction swam over to her.
"Heyyyyyy, Jax," Pomni started. "Uh, I'm, uh, here to, uh, visit you, uhm... I'm not really sure what to say now."
As Pomni spoke, Jax pressed himself against the glass to hear her better, but ended up transporting her into his mind so she could see his actual body and not his abstracted self. Oh, and Ragatha also tagged along.
Ragatha and Pomni opened their eyes to find that they were inside of the abstraction somehow, and that Jax was standing in front of them, arms crossed and somehow chewing bubblegum very loudly and obnoxiously.
"W-wait, how did we-?" Ragatha started.
"Eh, doesn't matter." Jax cut her off. "All I know is that Pomni said "uh" like a dozen times in one sentence just a second ago." He laughed.
"Chat you're like literally a fucking abstraction idk what else to say to u it's kinda hard :(" She rolled her eyes.
---
They continued to bicker until Ragatha remembered that Ribbit was also in this tank too. She asked Jax if Ribbit was awake right now, or even wanted to come talk. Jax said that Ribbit was wayyyyy too busy having a picnic with Kaufmo to come and talk to Ragatha, of all people.
"I like genuinely know jack shit about Ribbit," Pomni said. Everyone was silent and looked at her weird and made faces at her. "sOOooo.......what was she.........like?"
"Oh, lemme tell ya, she's AWESOME (and sexy af). I have never met *anyone* like Ribbit before, I'll tell ya that 😼" Jax looked at Ragatha with a knowing smirk, as if they obviously had an inside joke that Jax did not care to share with Pomni.
"You know what, Jax?" Ragatha turned towards him. "Why don't we tell Pomni a story about Ribbit, maybe that one 'driving' adventure?" Ragatha felt her heart beat faster as she even thought about *that* adventure. It was quite the tad of a doozy to say the least.
"Oh what the hell, why the hell not." Jax said, beginning the hellish story in excruciating detail. Pomni listened curiously and a little frightenedly as Ragatha attempted to stop herself from having a heart attack by taking lots of Tums™, which she unfortonuately failed to realized were not for heart attacks, but rather for heart*burn*, which she probably WAS going to have after drinking all that sparkling water she's been obsessed with recently.
~~~~~~~~~fLaShBaCk sEqUeNcE~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Goooooooooooood MORNING, my fluttery-buttery-coconutty-little-linguini-zucchini blossoms!" Caine exclaimed as Ribbit, Jax, Ragatha, Kaufmo, and Kinger all arrived in the main room of the circus tent. I'm sure they were probably hungover because GOD KNOWS what they get up to every night when Caine's not around. No one really wanted to be here, but here the FUCK they were. Maybe at least today the adventure wouldn't be totally stupid or boring or a complete nuisance for everyone involved.
"Today's adventure is..... DRIVING!" Caine conjured up a projector that showed a graphic of several fluorescent-colored convertibles swimming across the screen like those bowling alley animations that play when you get a strike. It was totally trippy. "You'll split up into two teams, and whoever stays on the road the longest without crashing WINS!"
"...what do we win?" Asked Kaufmo, flipping through a playboy magazine, which no one was sure how he'd obtained.
"I'm...... still working on that! But it will be worth it!" Caine said. Then he snapped his fingers and the five circus members were instantaneously teleported to an open road adjacent to a parking lot full of every kind of car they could think of. And the best part was that they were all unlocked and ripe for the taking! Jax immediately ran over to a highlighter-purple convertible sports car that was souped up with all the fixings. Think of it like the car version of a supreme pizza idk idrk that much about cars ig.
Ribbit followed along behind him and made sure to sway her hips a LOT to maximize her attractive aura (she was trying to auramax). "Whattdya say, Jax? .....wanna *team up*~~~?" She batted her long, amphibious eyelashes.
"Who am I kidding, OF. COURSE." Jax OBVIOUSLY wanted her to be on his team because she was WAYY hotter than anyone else in this damn circus, and funny, and kind, and beautiful, and- ...So this was perfect! It also helped that she was really fucking hot. "Hey Kaufmo, come thirdwheel, would ya!" After pasting a sign to one of the seats in the back of the lambo that read "CUCK CHAIR: CUCK SITS HERE (lol)" Jax beckoned Kaufmo to come sit in the very cramped backseat. Kaufmo didn't really care if he had to be the cuck, as long as he didn't have to drive.
"Uh, Kinger? I guess that makes us a team then, right?" Ragatha asked Kinger whilst scratching the back of her head. She was doing it to look unassuming and sweet but it really just looked more like she was trying to hide the fact that she had lice.
"Oh! Sorry, Ragatha, my unicycle is here!" Kinger replied. "I'd love to team up with you on the next adventure!" His voice trailed off as he cinematically and heroically rode a blue unicycle off into the sunset, which was strange, since it was literally just morning like 5.7 seconds ago.
"Oh, uhm, well..." Ragatha turned towards the trio in the purple Lamborghini. "Would any of y-" She was (very rudely) cut off by Jax yanking her by the arm and dropping her in the backseat next to Kaufmo.
"Yeah, yeah, Rags. You can ride with us." Jax said. "Just like, don't be too *Ragatha* about it all, mkay?"
'Too Ragatha?' What did he mean 'TOO Ragatha?' You can never be *TOO* Ragatha about anything! Was he calling her-?
Ragatha would've kept on getting all worked up, but instead Jax jumpscared her by very jarringly backing out of the parking lot and starting down the highway genuinlynely going 80 in a 55. Ragatha was immediately thrown back into her seat next to Kaufmo, whom she soon realized was knee deep in a stack of particularly filthy playboy magazines that he'd somehow snuck into the car with them.
Back up front, Jax whipped out a bottle of vodka and a really old jar of olives that had expired at least two years ago. Jax was way too nonchalant to give a fuck, deciding that THESE olives were Like a Fine Wine: Better With Age™ (is that a ttati reference?? shoutout @caramel_clouds). "ANYBODY DOWN FOR MARTINIS??" He asked, calmly. "Oh come on, who am I kidding? Who WOULDN'T be down for a nice crisp, cool, clean, clear, chill, cold, c-"
"Awwwww~~ come on Jaxieeee~~~~~, stop naming one-syllable adjectives that start with c and just PASS THE BOTTLE!!" Ribbit yanked the vodka out of Jax's hands (he was not holding the wheel) and downed like a third of the bottle in a couple sips.
"Ribbit, Ribbit, Ribbit, I knowwwww vodka's your favorite but save some for meeee~~" Jax coaxed the bottle out of her hands and then pulled four giant martini glasses out of the single solitary pocket on his luxurious overalls, which for some reason functioned like a black hole and did not appear to have anything inside of it. "Here, Ribbs pass this back would ya, babe?" He handed her a "martini" that looked really suspicious and cloudy (I bet he spat in it) and told her to give it to Kaufmo.
"Hey Rags, want anything?" Jax turned all the way around in the car, which began to veer off the road. Ribbit vigorously grabbed the wheel and yanked it towards herself to keep the car from running into a ditch. Unfortunately, the movement splashed Kaufmo's drink all over the fucking playboys, and he was forced to read them with soggy pages and like basically unreadable text. But, the silver lining? The pictures were still mostly visible.
"Uhm, sure Jax! I'll take a......" Ragatha genuinely was thinking for so long Jax thought she was like glitching out or buffering or something. "........a cosmopolitan!" She FINALLY made up her fucking mind.
Jax whipped his head back around and finally fucking took hold of the wheel. He turned to Ribbit. "Babe, I don't know how to make a cosmo, WHAT DO I DO??" He whispered.
"She prolly doesn't even know what it's supposed to look like. Here, pass the bottle 😼 and I'LL make it for her." Ribbit grabbed the bottle, took a swig, and then poured Ragatha a full glass brimming full of 100% pure vodka, without even the semblance of ANY kind of mixer, or fruit juice, (or like idk I have no idea what's supposed to go in mixed drinks), not even the olive. :(
Ribbit gave the drink to Ragatha who graciously accepted any form of alcohol because Kaufmo's magazines were making her QUITE uncomfortable and she didn't want to have to think about them. Getting totally fucking plastered would be a MUCH better idea.
"Oh wow, Jax, this tastes great!" (it tasted like hand sanitizer) Ragatha tried so so hard not to cringe as she gulped down the very very concentrated alcohol. She was trying to be polite, poor thing. Now everyone is sitting in the speeding car with full glasses of straight vodka, and the music is blasting so loud they wouldn't even be able to hear if a police siren were right next to them. :(
"Ah yeahhhh~~, nothin' like you, me, and the open road, babe." Ribbit said to Jax as they all were cruisin' down the highway, now going 90 in a 55. "This is the LIFEEEEEEE" She screamed, standing up out of her seat and throwing her arms into the air quite recklessly. In fact, no one was wearing their seatbelts at all. Well, no one except for Kaufmo. Only his seat seemed to have one, (and oddly enough that was the designated cuck chair....) for some reason. Bro was genuinely just here to catch up on his playboys tbh. He tried showing one to Ragatha, thinking maybe she'd enjoy it. But Ragatha just kind of laughed nervously and tried to hide the fact that she was blushing. She did not realize that Kaufmo could DEFINITELY tell that she was into women. Like PAINFULLY obviously.
Jax in the driver's seat was also living his best life. He and Ribbit kept on passionately making out off and on throughout the car ride, without paying any attention to the road at all.
"Guysss!! Don't you need to watch the road?!! Should I just drive??" Ragatha intoxicatedly cried. However, Jax did NOT want Ragatha to drive the lambo. That was like, the LAST thing that like ANYONE wanted, that would've made things so fucking BORING, so he and Ribbit both rolled their eyes at Ragatha and sat back down more normally in their seats. But obviously, Jax still had his hand on Ribbit's thigh, since he's a ladies man 😼
"...got my hand on her thigh cuz I'm a ladies man" Jax whispers under his breath. Ribbit looked at him like he just had a stroke.
"Are you like reciting your daily affirmations or sum Jax what the hell" Ribbit asks Jax, who is repeating daily affirmations such as "I have my Jax toy" and "I am getting my little laugh, boy" over and over again till the cows come home, but not until the frogs come home, because Ribbit is like out in the middle of butt fuck nowhere in the fuckass lambo. And CERTAINLY not until the rabbits come home, because 1. Jax is soooo so far from home rn 😔, AND because 2. there is NO way he'd finish THAT quickly and-"
".....UhhHHHHHh..." Jax crickets. Then he decides not to worry about it "nah don't worry abt it" he says as he decides the Ribbit shouldn't worry about it.
Whilst sitting next to Ribbit, Jax is also trying to drink the martini that he's holding in his other hand, kind of holding the wheel and the glass at the same time.
"Hey Ribbs, babe? Hold my Capri Sun™ real quick pleaseeeeee? I like, can't get a good *grasp* on this wheel. 😏" He tipsily shoved the martini into Ribbit's hand, and she held it next to her own martini. She 100% looked like a total alcoholic to any unsuspecting onlookers. And she was like lowkey acting like one so it probably checked out.
"Yeah of course Jaxie, I'd hold *anything* for you~~" Ribbit spoke very seductively as she looked Jax up and down, and her gaze lingered on him suggestively, particularly on his lower body 😼.
"Okay now, and this is like, such a great idea, babe. How about you put the martini in my ~mouth~ so I can drink it~~" Jax said, batting his eyelashes. "Feed it to me like I'm a Greek god and you're holding a bunch of ~~~purple grapes~~~" Ribbit put the martini glass to Jax's lips, and he gracefully gulped it down. "Aww yeah I feel JUST like Dionysus now~" said Jax.
As Ribbit tried to pour more of the alcoholic liquid down Jax's throat, the car was so fast and simply too unstable (yes that is a my singing monsters ethereal workshop reference if you know what i'm talking about i love u) that she spilled the rest of the martini all over Jax's very expensive designer overalls, which totally sucked and made everyone quite sad and dejected. The olive fell on top of his lap after completing a triple-turn barrel-roll-super-duper-ice-cream-scooper-surprise with an undertuck-special-pretzel-twist-and-split without a SINGLE splash. Unfortunately the olive was not enrolled in the Oliv-mpics, so it did not earn any gold medals for its hard work. :(
Ribbit grabbed the olive and rolled it between her suspiciously olive-colored fingers while licking her lips and eyeing Jax seductively. Then she put the olive up to her mouth and licked that too. And then she fingered the olive between her teeth before leaning towards Jax so they could both eat it lady-and-the-tramp style. As the two of them nibble on the olive from either side, Ribbit gets a case of the giggles and then accidentally inhales the olive and begins to choke on the fucking olive. Oh no!
"Goddammit Ribbit, quit choking, you're like, totally killing the vibe~~!!" Jax whines. Then he tries to remember how people do the Heimlich maneuver (and fails, he does not remember. it's so sad), but he ignores the wheel in favor of trying to get Ribbit to spit out the fucking olive. Ribbit tries to yell at Jax for doing a bad job, but she can't since the olive is blocking her airway and preventing her from making any noise, which is really fucking with her and Jax's sexy time, because it's sooooooo annoying to have to be quiet :(
"OH MY GOD JAX! RIBBIT IS CHOKING WHY CAN'T YOU LOCK IN" Ragatha screams from the backseat. She spills more of her drink as she climbs up to the front, sits in between the seats, and performs a perfect Heimlich on Ribbit, who spits the olive and a little bit of stomach acid up onto the dash very aggressively. The olive is even greener than Ribbit now. Probably because of all that green dye she drinks in her hot chocolate every morning. Keeping her eyes locked on Jax, Ribbit reaches over to the probably radioactive olive and pops it like it's a pill or something. Jax is turned on by this.
"Hey Rags, check THIS out," Kaufmo grabs Ragatha's shoulders and pulls her back into her seat. Ragatha thought for a moment that he was trying to heroically make sure she didn't go flying out of the moving vehicle (they are going 100 in a 55), but no, he just wanted to show her the sexy playboy magazines again. He thinks that he can get through to her. But of all people who could get through to Ragatha, genuinely why the fuck would it be Kaufmo of all people?
"Oh, uh, yeah, that's... cool?" Ragatha is torn between wishing she looked like the ladies on the page and wishing to passionately make out with one of them whilst naked. It really is a hard decision. And she does NOT have the patience for that right now, so Ragatha decides to pretend to pass out from being so drunk. Turns out, she really was that drunk and she did pass out. Kaufmo shoves her halfway under the driver's seat so that she doesn't fall out of the car. How considerate of you, Kaufmo!
Up in the front of the lambo, Ribbit leans towards Jax again and grabs his long, velvety, luscious, sexy, purple...EAR (wtf did you THINK i was gonna say u hooligan), whispering directly into his ear canal for peak access to the temporal lobe. Her voice sounds like one of those sultry asmr YouTubers. "Hey babyy, why don't you..... drive *faster* for me, hm~~~?", says Ribbit.
Jax is totally turned on by this request and speeds the car up to like 120 miles per hour. "You know I will ALWAYS go faster, for you babe~" Jax says while licking his lips.
"...not fast enough." Ribbit mumbles, trying to seem mysterious. She is failing. Everyone knows all of her fucking business at this point in the narrative. Jax presses the gas more ferociously and flexes his nonexistent muscles.
"OK babe, I can *speed up*, don't you worryyyyy~~" Jax says, speeding up and telling Ribbit not to worry.
In the backseat, Ragatha wakes up from her little naptime sesh and is immediately confused and bewildered about where is going on and WHY IS GOING ON. Kaufmo shoves another playboy in her face the moment he sees her eye open.
"Come on Kaufmooooo (🐄), can't I pleaseeeeeee just use your seatbelttttt 🥺. You can keep the magazines, just PLEASE, I WANT A SEATBELT." Ragatha says, wishing for a seatbelt. Kaufmo shrugs and keeps flipping through the vodka soaked pages. Sometimes he licks them when he thinks no one can see. Everyone saw and threw up a little in their mouths. Jax and Ribbit even ate each other's vomit when this occurred. It tasted little shit and balls but boy howdy did it make them feel ALIVE. Ragatha finally settled for wrapping her arms around the headrest on her seat and holding on for her dear raggy life. Sometimes being a ragdoll is hard. :(
Then Ribbit says to Jax, "Heyyyyyy Jaxieeee~~~, if you max out the speedometer, I'll give ya 20 bucks 😼" She giggles.
"Only 20?? Nah, I'm gonna need more than that, babe," says Jax.
"Kay fine~!! Whatddya want then, like, 50, 100?"
"Nope. Gimme something *good*~~"
Ribbit ponders for a moment before talking again. But it's not an awkward silence or anything; it's more of like a sexy silence. So sexy in fact that Jax shoots Ragatha a dirty look and side-eyes her because he thinks she's gonna start coming onto Ribbit. Ragatha does think that Ribbit is lovely, but she isn't gonna like, act on desire that or anything.
"Okay." Ribbit says. "How 'bout if you max out the speedometer, I'll give you 200 dollars AND a sloppy wet kiss on ur hot mouth 👄😼" She licks her frog lips. Luckily Jax thinks frogs are sexy. "IT'S NOT LIKE WE CAN DIE OR ANYTHING!!!" She adds, calmly.
"AW HELL YEAH BABE YOU GOT IT" Jax yells with pure glee. He absolutely fucking floors it and the car accelerates to infinity and beyond type shit where no car has gone before. The speedometer behind the wheel genuinely goes over 200 mph and then starts exploding a little bit, but no one notices because Jax and Ribbit are fucking making out with historical amount of tongue RIGHT in front of the wheel.
But then....
UH OH IT'S A SPEED BUMP :(
Everyone is simultaneously launched from the car. Except for Kaufmo, as he was wearing a seatbelt. That is why you should always wear a seatbelt. See there is a moral in this story, I promise :)
Whilst flying through the air, Jax remembers that he still needs his sloppy wet kiss on his hot mouth that Ribbit PROMISED him, and he turns to Ribbit and says, "say, Ribbit, I don't suppose you've ever made out with somebody mid-air, have ya?"
"No, Jaxie~~~ I haven'tttttt~~~" She replies, making sure to bat those luscious amphibious eyelashes. Jax saw and wished he had long amphibious eyelashes like Ribbit's. :(
".....wanna... *change* that~~~?" Jax whispers sultrily.
Ribbit nods vigorously and the two start heading places no one knew that you could in the middle of the sky. It was beautiful, I mean, if you're into pda or something idk. If not I guess it would've been a little jarring. That was how Ragatha felt. Not that she hated pda or anything, but she was watching the Jax and the Ribbit fly through the amorous air looking like they were trying to eat each other's faces. And poor Ragatha had flown straight up into a tree and was impaled by the oddly sharp branches in like 57 different places. Also for some reason Caine had given her blood for this adventure, so she was lowkey getting soaked all over by her own weird doll blood. She had zero idea how that was supposed to work. There was so much of her stuffing all over this tree that it looked like just that tree had been hit by a blizzard. But instead it had been hit by Ragatha. Go figure.
Kaufmo is still reading the fucking playboys. I don't think he even realizes what happened 🥀
From those classic ramble-bramble-rock-and-roll treetops, Ragatha can see Jax and Ribbit getting down and dirty on the asphalt. As soon as both of them made contact with the pavement, all of their bones were quite more than likely destroyed on impact. However, that did not faze them. They needed each other. Right. There.
Like their willpower was honestly really impressive tbh
Anyway Ragatha sees this from the bloody treetops, but the longer she stays up in the air, the more blood starts to seep out from her limbs and obscure her face. She can barely see that she is falling. And as she falls, the branches tear through her fabric arms and legs, completely shredding her body as she crumples into a limp pile of rags on the pavement. Ribbit and Jax don't notice as her body collapses just feet away from their love-making. Sometimes being a ragdoll is really hard :(
"J-J-Jax...? R-Ri-bbit...?" she weakly calls to them.
"......u hear somethin Jaxie?" Ribbit says.
"nah," Jax responded. "now gimme that wet sloppy kiss on the mouth that you promissseeeeddddd~~~~~" he bit his lip seductively and leaned in to smooch Ribbit. They pressed their bodies close together, despite the open fractures that were totally scraping against each other. But I guess they were so close that they *would* be into feeling each others bones. Kinda ew.
Ragatha tried to call out to Kaufmo next. But he didn't even look up, because he was STILL READING THOSE GODDAMN FUCKASS PLAYBOYS. LOCK. IN. KAUFMO WHAT THE HELL. Ragatha wished for a moment that Kaufmo had decided to live life on the edge and not wear his seatbelt. She weakly tried to raise her head one more time, but just as she was about to lose consciousness from the blood loss.....
.........
KINGER SHOWED UP ON HIS UNICYCLE LIKE THE ABSOLUTE KING HE IS (i love kinger)
By this time, it was dusk, so the duskness was helping Kinger to be more locked in and not so unlocked in. He knows where is going on 💪💪. He took one look at the scene in front of him and cinematically tactical rolled and burst out of the unicycle to run towards Ragatha.
"Ragatha!" Kinger proclaimed, looking at Ragatha. "You look terrible! You make it look terrible to be a ragdoll!"
"....kinger.... stop... c-calling me t-t-t-terrible....." Ragatha's breaths were shallow and her words were broken up by weak coughs. She spat up a little blood. She was surprised. Surely she didn't have any more left to lose.
"I'm calling an Amazing Digital Ambulance™ RIGHT. NOW, Ragatha. Don't worry- OH MY GOD WHAT ARE THEY DOING????" He saw Jax and Ribbit gettin' frisky in the middle of the highway. He was quite shocked at the sight, as it was quite shocking, and also happened to be something that could be otherwise classified as "a sight," rather than "a spectacle," as nothing about the scenario was really that spectacular (other than the road sex, of course 😼).
"WEEEEE-OOOOOO-WEEEEEEEE-OOOOOO-" said the Amazing Digital Ambulance™ as it coasted leisurely down the road. It seemed not to be in that much of a hurry, considering the situation at hand, and that there was also genuinely no traffic anywhere to be found. Then a second ambulance showed up. But for some reason no police cars were there? I guess Caine just forgot to code them in or something. Prolly a good thing seeing as basically everything about this fucking adventure was illegal.
The paramedics put Jax and Ribbit into one ambulance and Ragatha rides in another. Kinger decides he wants to ride in the back with Ragatha and for some reason they let him do that. Kaufmo doesn't give a flying fucking fuck about anything that's happening right now so he genuinely stays in the back of the fucking lambo and doesn't even follow them to the Amazing Digital Hospital™. :'(
On the Jaxandribbitbulance, the paramedics made the grave mistake of leaving Jax and Ribbit unsupervised in the back of the vehicle. They took that golden "opportunity" for some much-needed alone time VERY seriously.
"Heyyyyy, Ribbs~~~" Jax looked Ribbit up and down from where he lay atop the stretcher. "...u know... who knows when the next time is we'll be in an ambulance together...~~ wanna.... take *advantage* of the sitch....~~? 😼"
"OH YEA BABE LETS DO THIS SHIT" Ribbit screamed at the top of her lungs, though her shattered ribbs were in fact stabbing her lungs. That must've like lowkey totally sucked.......but NOT as much as Jax and Ribbit were sucking-
...nevermind. sorry.
Meanstwhile in the other ambulance Ragatha is kind of on her deathbed (rip)
"...k-ing-er..." She chokes out between sobs and coughs and choking on her own blood that trickles down her throat and down her rags. She looks down at the shredded, blood-soaked fabric that was supposed to be her body. Even if the doctors could put her back together, she doubted she'd ever look the same, or if those red stains would ever come out...
"Ragatha! Hang in there sweetie! You can do this, and You Can Do Hard Things!™" Kinger encouraged her encouragingly. The encouragement does not work and Ragatha continues to sob on her deathbed. Sometimes being a ragdoll is REALLy fucking hard :(
(convenient time-skip)
And then- oh now they're all at the hospital!
Jax was in the Operating Room about to have an operation, when all of a sudden the surgeon turned around, and through the door burst........RIBBIT: THE MORALLY GRAY SHE/THEY™ THAT HAUNTS THE NARRATIVE! I mean, if this were MY narrative, i'd tell Ribbit she could haunt it ANY day, like morning, noon, and night type shit. But today, she is specifically gonna haunt Jax's narrative (iykwim 😼), because she has dragged herself through the fiery trenches of the OR floor (and also like the rest of the hospital hallway) to get freaky one last time before the surgeons scrub in and all that doctory shit.
"......Jax......" Ribbit ribbits. ".........let's get freaky one last time before the surgeons scrub in and all that doctory shit~~~~~" She flutters her eyelashes at him. Unfortunately her eyelashes are no longer amphibious after the crash. Every ounce of amphibiousness evaporated from her body once she was launched into the air because she girlbossed too close to the sun. (rip)
"anything for you my beautiful amphibious Ribbit" Jax sighs lovingly.
Ribbit's eyes turn huge and a single tear rolls down her cheek like she's the main character of a hallmark christmas movie or sum shit. "...Jaxie.....I-I have to- to tell you something.." Her voice breaks. "...I'm....I'M NOT AMPHIBIOUS ANYMORE"
Jax made a confused face like 🤨 "....oh my god. I-I'm so, SO sorry, Ribbit, I-" he gulped and then kept yapping and said, "I mean, your amphibious parts are like.... your BEST assets~~! I- I still like ya alight without em, but...."
Then Ribbit smirked. "....." Then she smirked again. ".....BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'M NOT STILL HOT FOR U JAXIE LETS GET FUCKING DOWNNNN"
All of a sudden, Ribbit suddenly used the last of her strength to jump on top of Jax's operating table and they did the nasty on the operating table right next to the scalpels. Obviously Ribbit was the top because just LOOK at her and Jax, like it's fucking obvious. And they did it in every direction, even diagonally. (especially diagonally) Forwards, backwards, jaxwards, ribbitwards, and even with a cherry on top. It was beautiful. Unless you were the surgeon. The surgeon showed up after scrubbing in and took ONE look at Ribbit and Jax and knew he was going to have to kill himself. He couldn't believe anyone would be pulling this shit in an OR without being at least a LITTLE amphibious. How unsavory! He sent in another surgeon who looked almost the same except he was amphibious.
The amphibious surgeon flipped off Ribbit with both hands, then used the same hands to grab Ribbit by the eyelashes-once-so-amphibious, peel her off of Jax, and hold her under the sink to wash off all that nasty sticky filth she seemed to be mysteriously covered in. He kicked open the revolving door to the OR because this is a bougie hospital, and chucked Ribbit out into the hallway like a discarded fucking dish rag, to which she was actually starting to look quite similar on account of all the blood loss, and the fact that she had not consumed any green dye in the last 5 to 7 hours, which was the recommended interval for her recommended daily intake, prescribed to her by Caine, who insisted she up her green 40 intake to appear more green for the viewers, as he happened to be running low on green pixels at the time she entered the circus.
After shutting the OR door and locking it a butt fuck ton of times, the amphibious surgeon turned towards Jax. "alright bunny let's get crackin'" said the surgeon. Jax was quite turned on by this statement, as he imagined Ribbit was saying it to him, rather than a mild-to-moderately creepy surgeon with amphibious tendencies.
Meanwhile in the other room half a door down, Ragatha was just about on her last leg. Well, not literally. I think both her legs were quite nearly obliterated by that tree. God, it would be soooooo nice if Caine could just snap them all back to the circus or something.....
But not before another doctor showed up in Ragatha's room! This doctor was very very scary looking and walked with a bit of a saunter. But like an ugly saunter, not like a hot model walk or anything like that. Kinger was sitting at Ragatha's beside holding back tears. Literally. He was fucking cupping his hands over his eyes so that the tears didn't roll down his face and leave marks on his precious fancy top-of-the-line wood grain. Then he decided he didn't really gaf that much and just covered his nonexistent mouth with his hands instead.
"...........kinger.......?" Ragatha could barely say his name. "........I-I'm....d-dying....please.....stop b-b-b-b-beatboxing...🥺" She pleaded.
"Alright Ragatha I will stop beatboxing," said Kinger, no longer beatboxing. Then the doctor started beatboxing. Ragatha wanted to cry but she didn't have the strength to so instead she just started beatboxing.
"Okay miss it's time for your fucking euthanasia," the doctor stated. Kinger started beatboxing again and the doctor looked at him demeaningly. "Sorry sir it's company protocol. She's gotta be put down this shit looks fucked up as hell."
All of a sudden, the sudden doctor suddenly pulled out a very large and very sudden supersized needle, full of euthanasia fluid fresh squeezed from the Youth Plant™ that only grows in Asia.
Aaaaaand also meanwhile: the surgeon in Jax's operating room (yes it belongs to Jax now; I think he and Ribbit MORE than marked the territory iykwim) has returned from the pantry where he was rummaging with a giant fucking chainsaw.
"alright bunny boy it's time to put ya out of ur misery lol" says the surgeon, revving the fucking chainsaw.
"w-wHAT" said Jax. His voice cracked so comedically that it triggered a fucking laugh track to play in the background. "are y-you gonna operate W-WITH THAT?????" He tried to jump off the operating table, but then soon realized that he was chained down to the table, which was so cute and totally matched the chains on the chainsaw. How fashionable of u Jax wowwwiee.
"Ummmmm no?? I've got wayyy bigger fish to fry," the surgeon surgeoned at Jax surgeonly and also suddenly. "I'm just gonna chainsaw ur legs off and call it a fucking day."
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME????" Jax screeched. He sounded like a fucking screech owl the way he was screeching. "DON'T I HAVE TO LIKE SIGN A WAIVER OR SOMETHING WHAT????"
"Ummmmmm no?? Are you stupid??? Are you SAUCED??? Ur legs are like so obliterated rn and I DON'T want to see them anymore they are fucking pissing me off so baddddd type shit"
"..........................but..............................ribbs.........................I need my legs.........f-for.....for *her*.......😔💔" Jax said unconvincingly. The surgeon was not convinced and revved up the chainsaw and was about to cut poor Jax in half. And in the other room half a door down, Ragatha was moments from being euthanized. It looked like the end. Kinger was still beatboxing. Ribbit gazed longingly at Jax from the window of the operating room. It was like looking into a zoo enclosure except the animal in question is your situationship/friend-with-benefits rabbit who is about to get fucking bisected by an amphibious surgeon with a digital chainsaw. She tried to distract herself by licking the window sexily but unfortunately Jax did not see and could not become aroused like Ribbit wanted him to be. Ribbit then started crying uncontrollably, first because she saw Jax getting touched by a chainsaw, and then after because she couldn't tell whether her body was getting coated in tears or saliva. She didn't really care which one it was bc both had their charms, but she just wanted to know.
The chainsaw came closer. And the needle came closer. And Kinger beat the world beatboxing record and was about to go pro, all of a sudden when........
CAINE TELEPORTED EVERYONE BACK TO THE CIRCUS
"Welcome back my rosey-posey-nosey-little-pitter-patter-albaster-sandwich-bastards! I got a notification on my Amazing Digital Pager™ that you all got yourselves into mortal danger in that weird sketchy hospital I tried to delete last Tuesday! Welp, all's well that ends well, amirite or am I RIGHT???"
No one thought that was funny. Kaufmo was still glued to those GODDAMN FUCKASS PLAYBOYS, Ragatha was prolly having a fucking panic attack, Kinger was dissociating (while beatboxing), and Jax and Ribbit (who'd just had her amphibiousity reinstated thank GOD) took this golden opportunity to shove their tongues down one another's throats just like the good old days. Ribbit now knew that she was covered in both saliva, tears of joy, tears of arousal, stomach acid, green dye 40, and various other 'substances.' But luckily none of them were blood (though she was more than likely into that) because Caine had reset all their bodies upon entering the circus once more.
"Jax." Caine said quite sternly. "Come aside. I need to speak with you." He snapped and Jax was instantaneously aside.
"Wassup Caine," said Jax.
"I'm taking away your fucking license." And with that, the driver's license that Jax kept in his black hole overall pocket was magically lifted up into the air, and it did a little spin and flourish for good measure. Then Caine ate it. No more driving for Jax ig.
-----back to present day------
"yea so that's why they never let me drive cars after that lol" said Jax abstractedly. Ragatha was crying and rolling into a ball on the floor after having to hear that story again. Pomni would never be able to see Jax the same way. She cried her eyes out and didn't go back upstairs for at least the next 57 business hours.
THE END