Chapter Text
He feels so comfortable, so pleasantly warm and held.
What is odd, because the last thing Niall remembers feeling before was so much pain, both in his body and in his soul, his heart, his brother was killing him, and he felt it was just what he deserved. His brother was also bleeding and dying because of him, but his spirit had been broken way before, again because of him.
Could it all have been just a horrible nightmare?
He feels the person holding him moving a bit.
Alby, he imagines for a moment. Though it didn't really feel like him. And besides the night before the wedding he didn’t sleep with Alby, something about being traditional for couples to spend the night before the wedding apart, and also he remembers Butch showing up at his hotel room with some cocaine and saying they should hit the hotel’s spa, Niall’s bachelor party he said. He really hopes he didn’t hook up with some random twink while high.
It wouldn’t be the first time he cheated on Alby, and he doubted it would be the last, but there was something about sleeping with someone else the day before his wedding that seemed to him incredibly tacky.
Okay, time to see how much shit I’m in.
He opens his eyes and it’s even weirder than what he predicted, he is in his childhood bedroom. But not as it was now in Lori’s house, but really how it was when he was young and still living in it.
He turns around in his bed and there is Ruben. But not like in the barn. Ruben like he was when they were young, before all the lies and betrayals.
So it must have happened and this is just a dying dream, one small mercy of my brain before it shuts down for good.
He tries to enjoy it, if this is the last thing he will see he feels grateful.
Ruben opens his eyes and for a second they just look at each other, as Niall drinks in his image.
Has anyone ever been this beautiful?
“The fuck are you looking at Bambi?”
“Huh? “
“Is that cum in your shorts?”
He jumps out of bed while Ruben laughs.
He runs to the bathroom and locks himself in, and he looks in the mirror and his fifteen year old face stares back at him.
“Come on Niall it’s fine, it can’t be the first time you had a wet dream.” Ruben says from the other side of the door, still sounding amused.
And the whole situation seems too bizarre and weird, but it doesn’t feel like a dream.
He leaves the bathroom and goes back to his bedroom without looking Ruben in the eye.
“Good morning to you too, Bambers.”
.
.
.
He remembers that morning, the one after Ruben’s dad showed up in their house screaming in the middle of the night. And Ruben seemed oddly tense at the breakfast table. This time he also seems tense.
Of course he is tense, the guy who used to molest him showed up out of nowhere.
Lori asks if he heard the commotion the night before, and he says no, that he and Ruben were asleep. And there is something in the way Ruben looks at him after saying this that seems like he is somewhat grateful for the lie, he didn’t notice this the first time around.
They go to school, and he thinks the first time he tried to talk to Ruben about the night before, but this time he just keeps looking around trying to absorb the details, the way the streets look, the cars going around, the way people dress, it really feels like he is back in the past.
They pass by Gus and his friends, and Gus shouts:
“Oi! Soft cock! That’s your boyfriend?”
He keeps walking.
“These guys bothering you, Bambi?” Ruben says holding his collar.
“It’s just stupid school stuff, It’s just banter.”
Gus continues:
“Take after your mum, do you? You little faggot?”
“Great banter.” Ruben says.
Ruben pushes him against the wall.
“These guys bothering you Bambi?”
He shakes his head. And all he can think is that Ruben is a bit too close, that he could feel his breath on his face, just like he felt in the barn before Ruben killed him.
“I’ll ask you again. Are these guys bothering you?”
A part of him still would like to nod, like he did the first time around. To let Ruben play as his protector.
He shakes his head.
Ruben seems unsure, maybe even disappointed with Niall.
“It’s fine Ruben, just ignore them and let’s go to school. I don’t wanna be late.” Niall says and keeps walking.
A few seconds later Ruben goes after him.