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Purpled wasn't one to hold emotions close to his chest, he was often quick to discard them and leave only the grudge they accompanied behind. It was harder to do this when it came to his brother, the boy he'd grown up with, the one who had seen his awkward growth spurts, been there when he learnt to ride a bike and was there every time he needed his knees patched up from stumbling on the playground. The one who had stepped in when their parents had ignored them.
But Punz had raised him to be a weapon. Punz was the reason he hid his emotions, the reason he barely knew the brother he once had. Purpled was a mercenary, not the teenage boy he should be. He wasn't care free, wasting his days in the sun, laughing about nothing important, the days never blended together passing in a cheerful whirl. Each day was a stifling reminder that he would never have what he once had.
Purpled didn't classify Punz as his brother anymore. He hadn't for a long time, since he was cast aside onto Hypixel as Punz moved on to be with his friends, leaving Purpled in a dangerous place. Leaving that twelve year old to fend for himself. When Purpled stopped longing for his brother back was when Punz lost that title.
When Purpled was extended an invite to an SMP it hadn't crossed his mind that Punz could be there, he'd chosen to attempt to disregard his thoughts about the other but they plagued him in his sleep, and plagued him when he came into scuffles with others. Recalling their fights from younger days.
To be faced with the person that had lost all meaning in his life again felt like a punch to the gut.
"Purpled," was the first and only thing Punz had said to him in those first few days, it was the attempt at some sort of reunion.
Purpled had walked past him, he planned to avoid him at all cost. To live his days out on this server in some sort of ignorant bliss. But that wasn't going to happen. Especially when the beginnings of the server were spent in close proximity.
"Purpled, you can't ignore me forever," Punz said.
The blue eyed blonde had caught up with Purpled when he was attempting to collect resources, axe in hand, a tree with a sizeable dent in it. He'd been at it for a while, hoodie sleeves rolled up, patience wearing thin.
"I'm going to attempt to," Purpled sighed.
"You can't ignore our past,"
"That's what you taught me to do," Purpled spun to face him "You moulded me like that, why do you expect me to act any different?"
"Because we're brothers,"
"We aren't brothers anymore," Purpled scowled turning the axe handle over in his hands.
"You can't ignore the years we spent together," Punz defended.
"I can when you abandoned me on Hypixel," Purpled stated angrily.
"You were fine,"
"I survived, and that's putting it lightly," Purpled scoffed "Leave me be,"
"Purpled," Punz offered.
Purpled turned away, he heard Punz sigh, his footsteps retreating.
Punz didn't attempt to talk to him again until a couple days later, Purpled was walking along one of the many rivers in the SMP. Purpled was looking for a wolf to tame, an animal would be all the company he would need.
"I wasn't done talking the other day," Punz had greeted him with that statement, he stood on the other side of the river. The flowing water separating them, a divide between the brothers.
"I was,"
"I was a kid too Purp," Punz replied skimming the water with his foot.
"Don't call me that," Purpled cut him off, dragging the long stick he held in the dirt, distracting himself with the forming patterns.
"I was seventeen, I shouldn't have had to look after you,"
"I shouldn't have been abandoned," Purpled spat, digging the stick into the ground.
"You could have gone back to Mom and Dad," Punz added weakly.
"Back to Mom and Dad!" Purpled raised his voice, tone heavy with sarcasm, "And get abused again, sure I'll do that,"
"They weren't abusive," Punz scoffed kicking up some water, "You could look after yourself at that point,"
"They neglected both of us, and Dad- " Purpled cut himself off gripping the stick tightly, before quickly starting up again, "You had to look after me, you were the one making meals, making sure I was presentable and got to bed at a reasonable time, you shouldn't have had to do that, I shouldn't have had to grow up without parents,"
"What were you going to say about Dad?" Punz circled back.
"It doesn't matter," Purpled sighed.
"It does, you wouldn't have started on it otherwise,"
Purpled hated that Punz still knew his tells, knew when he was lying about something. He always picked up on his slip ups.
"Dad, wasn't a nice guy," Purpled said gripping the stick in his hand tightly.
"I know that," Punz chuckled.
"You don't really know," Purpled added.
"Tell me then,"
"He hated when you left the house at night," Purpled started "And he drank a lot in the evenings, he would get angry when he called for you and I came instead, offering some weak apology and reasoning for why you were gone," Purpled kicked the end of the stick messing with it to distract himself.
"So what he yelled at you," Punz started "Is that what you're making a big fuss about?"
"He hit me Punz," Purpled snapped.
"He what?"
"He hit me and Mom watched it happen!" Purpled let out a huff of a laugh.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Why would I?" Purpled asked.
"I could have stopped it," Punz said as if it were the most obvious fact in the world.
"What and you could've got hit instead? Or maybe we'd get abused together? That would be great bonding wouldn't it?" Purpled rolled his eyes, he tossed the stick down to the floor, it rolled and splashed into the river.
"I could've taken the brunt of it,"
"Maybe I didn't want you to," Purpled snapped.
"Why?"
"I loved you at one point," Purpled added "Of course I wouldn't have wanted to see you hurt,"
Punz didn't respond.
Purpled left hid brother on one side of the river and walked away, this time he was the one leaving. Not the other way. Purpled didn't see Punz for a good while after that, his showcase of emotions still plagued him. Why had he been vulnerable? Why had he let Punz know? It was a stupid mistake.
It was a server get together the next time they crossed paths. They avoided each other the whole evening. Both spending time with the people that they knew. Purpled drank, he never drank. His Dad and the state he got in scared him off it. His thoughts had been busy with Punz's voice and the lasting moment from their disagreement. The alcohol masked that, clouding his thoughts into a swirly mess.
At this point the sun had faded into the horizon, dark reds and oranges filling the space between ground and deep blue sky. The light was enough for each brother to make out the other as they left back to their own houses, that happened to be in the same direction.
"I'm sorry Dad hit you," Punz said, he walked a couple paces behind and to the left of Purpled.
"I'm over it,"
"You clearly aren't otherwise you would not have brought it up,"
"It was an emotional confession," Purpled attempting to shrug Punz off.
"You aren't meant to be emotional,"
"I do know that, you conditioned it into me after all, turned me into a proper mercenary,"
"It got you by didn't it? Kept you successful, I know you topped Bedwars leader boards,"
"That's a way to phrase it,"
"I'm sorry for setting you up for success,"
"I didn't experience success Punz," Purpled replied.
"Was number one at Bedwars not enough for you?"
"It was the cherry on top of the shitty living conditions and mental health issues," Purpled scoffed.
"You complain a lot,"
"I think I have the right to, you're being an asshole" Purpled was starting to get annoyed now "Can you just leave me alone now?"
"No,"
"Why no? Why do you still care?" Purpled whirled around to face his brother, "Do you feel some sort of remorse or is it just to make your ego feel better?"
"Fuck you," Punz spat.
"No, fuck you, we could've had a good life together Punz,"
"I have a good life, leaving you at Hypixel helped that," Punz scowled.
Purpled turned and threw a punch before he could think. Punz was quick to retaliate, punching Purpled back. Pain blossomed in Purpled's jaw as he stumbled back. Punz took advantage of the weaknesses as Purpled felt his head collide with something hard behind him pain exploding in his head. Punz's hands burned into his shoulders. Purpled kicked Punz's stomach rolling out from the cage Punz had formed around him, he delivered a punch to Punz's face whilst the other was still recovering. Punz tackled Purpled to the ground pinning the younger down and delivering punch after punch.
"Stop," Purpled yelled, "STOP, PUNZ"
"Stop Punz," Purpled's laughing voice rang out.
"Nope," Punz responded, the fifteen year old had his younger brother in a headlock as they play fought in the backyard.
The day was warm the late afternoon sun beating down on them.
"Why not?" Purpled whined.
"You gotta get out of this one yourself," Punz said.
"How though? You never teach me how," Purpled continued to whine.
"Figure it out," Punz said.
"This isn't fun anymore," Purpled frowned.
"It's not meant to be fun Purpled, it's meant to teach you how to fight,"
"I hate it though,"
"You'll thank me some day," Punz assured him.
"Not today," Purpled pouted, utilising all the anger a ten year old boy could, "I hate you today," he spat.
"No you don't," Punz replied tightening the headlock in anger.
"I do!" Purpled yelled, he bit down on Punz's arm.
The elder called out in pain pulling his arm out of Purpled's reach. Purpled still full of rage swung a weak punch at Punz, then another, tears beginning to stream down his reddened face. Punz grabbed Purpled's wrists holding back the punches. Purpled collapsed into Punz, the smell of freshly cut grass flooding his senses.
Punz still smelt like freshly cut grass. Purpled could recall the days spent in the heat fighting in the garden. This evening was no different. Punz held Purpled in a tight hug and Purpled cried. He hadn't cried in so long. It hurt.
"I'm sorry," Punz said.
Purpled sniffed and pulled away wiping his eyes in his sleeve.
"I don't forgive you," Purpled said his voice thick with emotion, "I don't know if I ever can,"
"Why?"
"You don't know me now Punz, and I don't think I know you anymore either,"
"We could change that,"
"I can't, I'm sorry," Purpled left, he couldn't stand it anymore.
He couldn't fight for a relationship that was filled with one sided trauma. Trauma that Punz wasn't willing to help Purpled address and get over. Maybe if he was Purpled would try, try to let his brother in to let him know him but he can't not after everything he's been through.