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Even when she’d piled every blanket she could find hiding in her closet on top of her bed, Noelle Holiday was freezing cold. She’d checked the thermostat enough times to know the temperature hadn’t changed from its usual brisk 50 degrees–a compromise Dess had struck with her mother a long time ago, after there was one too many complaints about it being literally freezing. No, this was the sort of cold that burned from the inside out, the sort that felt like the premonition of the worst fever you’d ever had. And yet, if anything, Noelle’s temperature was lower than usual. Forget burning up, she was…
Going outside, she was going outside. Maybe at least there she could feel cold from the breeze and not from the fragmented bits of dreams that kept playing over and over again in her head.
Everything was so blue there; the interminable glow of the city lights, the Queen’s hard shell, the pavements, the glimmering night sky, Kris’s hair and skin… no, that wasn’t Kris, not really. Kris was… the person she could say no to, the one who really understood her when nobody else did.
But then, maybe they knew that if they pushed things too far, she’d really put her foot down; maybe they were testing her resolve. Maybe she’d failed to stand up for herself, enough, and that was what her dream was about. Stand up for yourself, Noelle.
And yet she hadn’t, even when Kris had cornered her in the hospital today. Even when they had her watch. …No, that wasn’t Kris. She was sure of it. Maybe it made no sense, but she knew it in her heart, in the way they made her shiver with real fear. …And somehow, the very thought excited her.
There was a world where her childhood friend wanted her, rather than pushing her away. No, not even that, they wanted her so much they’d not just started talking to her again, but they’d taken her things, hoping she’d notice. And well, even if Kris was the only person she could say no to, if it were them pushing her around…
But it wasn’t them, right? Kris wouldn’t have, right? She’d known Kris her whole life, and they’d never acted like the dream version of themselves. …But then again, the way they looked at her, the mournful, remorseful look on their face at the words that weren’t theirs escaping their mouth… now that felt very much like Kris. And if they weren’t in control of themselves anymore, if they were really, truly sorry, if they never wished any of this had happened…
Well, then she’d just have to protect Kris, wouldn’t she? Maybe she had found her courage, after all. She was just protecting them when they couldn’t protect themself. Maybe if she was there, they couldn’t get hurt as badly. Maybe if she was there… everything would be okay. If she could just find somebody else who understood, stay by Kris’s side… then she’d do anything, for them to be okay. She’d solve every puzzle, defeat every enemy, stay close to them… because that was what she’d always wanted, wasn’t it? To get close to them, again? To know them, again? Maybe if she just kept following them, kept hanging on their every word, she’d get to the bottom of this. Even if it chilled her to her very core.