Chapter Text
Dustin was sitting in the passenger seat of Steve’s BMW that was crashed into a giant and smelly flesh-like wall. He needed a break from Steve and Eddie fighting and also wanted a moment alone to pull his shit together. Neither of his older friends could know he was freaking out about being back in the Upside Down. Dustin had been trying to prove that he was their equal in everything but age for well over a year and that wasn’t stopping now. A familiar noise from the telemetry tracker paused his brooding all at once. It only took a second more before Dustin was able to figure out why it sounded like he’s heard it before. Once he did, there was no stopping his brain from doing the entire equation and figuring out the wall was a circle and they needed to get to the center of it right away. He took one last deep breath in the Beamer and then got out of it.
“Steve! Eddie!” Dustin yelled. “Get out here! And hurry! We have to go!”
Dustin ran in the direction of the lab ignoring his older friends yelling for him to stop; he had no time to lose. They had to get to the center of this damn circle as soon as possible. He observed the atmosphere and road carefully; there was nothing here. Ash was suspended in air, neither falling nor rising, and floating as if time had surrendered midway through an explosion. There were no shadows, or worse, everything was shadow. It was hard to tell. The ground was dead stone, smooth like bone polished by centuries of silent wind. Dustin would never get used to this hellscape. It was a damn never-ending nightmare for him most nights without even being here. He heard hurried steps behind him and didn’t have to turn around to know who it was. It's them, he sighed heavily, and prepared for what was coming.
“What the hell, Henderson? Why are you running like that? Aren't we supposed to wait for the Old Man and Eleven?” Steve asked while grabbing his arm to stop him. Dustin rolled his eyes at the way Steve scanned his body from head to toe.
Eddie had then caught up to them and stared at Dustin for just a second before asking, “What did you discover, Dustin? And where do we have to go?”
“No time to explain. Just trust me!” Dustin huffed before trying to extract his arm from Steve’s grasp, even though he knew it would be futile because Steve was stronger.
“Are you kidding, Henderson? If you know something, you need to share it with us.” Steve demanded while tightening his grip. Dustin tried not to think about how much he liked that.
“Hate to agree with Harrington over there, but he’s right. We all deserve to know what’s going on before we run somewhere. This isn’t Hawkins.” Eddie said.
Dustin scowled. Of course, this would be the one time Steve and Eddie agreed with each other. He sighed before explaining that his calculations had led him to realize the wall was a circle and Hawkins Lab was at the center of it.
“We need to go there now. It’s our best chance to find out where Holly and the other missing kids are.” Dustin urged.
“How did you know what to calculate?” Eddie asked.
“The telemetry tracker picked up another signal while you two were arguing in the church and I realized that what we heard while looking for Hopper wasn’t the military. It was this wall. And because of that, I was able to pinpoint three different locations, which gave me enough to solve the equation it left me.” Dustin rambled as fast as he could and showed off the map with his work.
“How do you know you’re right?” Steve implored and Eddie nodded his head.
Dustin lost his patience and snapped. “Unlike you two, I didn’t sleep through algebra. Now, let’s go!” He was able to yank his arm free from Steve this time and took off sprinting again. He didn’t look back.
“Henderson! Wait!” Steve hollered.
Dustin didn’t wait. He kept running and it was up to his friends if they wanted to follow. Steve and Eddie weren’t happy about it, but they chased after the younger boy. It almost always seemed to go that way.
The three of them arrived at the laboratory and the tension between them was palpable. Dustin led them down to the basement first and was disappointed there was nothing to find. He was exhausted and frantic because he felt that something was missing or being lost in all of this. The trio was back in the rainbow room because they were making their way up to the roof now and paused for a break. Dustin had his back turned to Eddie and Steve and tried to hide his growing panic. He felt Steve's and Eddie's gazes on him, but neither of them had said anything; nobody spoke, nobody shouted, shouting was for strangers, and this was worse, this was silence with an edge.
The air amongst the three of them had the density of a crystal about to break; one poorly placed word and it would shatter into a thousand pieces that would cut all three. Dustin wasn’t surprised Steve was the one who shattered it.
“Henderson, I think it’s time we be realistic about the chances of that generator being here and we head back to the church.” Steve assessed. “Hopper and El are probably waiting for us by now.”
“No, Steve! I know it’s here! We still have the top half of the lab to check!” Dustin cried.
Steve pursed his lips and didn’t look convinced, so Dustin tried to appeal to Eddie next.
“Come on, Eddie! You know checking out an entire building is the smart thing to do! It’s what I always do in our campaigns.” He pleaded to his dungeon master.
Eddie sighed. “Dustin, this isn’t a game! Those rules don’t apply here.”
Dustin was about to respond when he was interrupted by Steve’s voice filled with acidity and sarcasm. “You won't always be right, Henderson!”
“I have to be this time! The generator must be somewhere, I know it is!” Dustin argued forcefully.
“But it's not! You were wrong again, Henderson!” Steve dwelled. “It’s not the end of the world to admit it, either.”
Dustin released a harsh laugh. “You would love it if I were wrong, huh, Steve? You’re itching for it now despite Holly and the other kids depending on us to find them, which would lead to the end of the world if we don’t. That’s so selfish!”
It was Steve’s turn to laugh crudely. “Did you just call me selfish? What nerve you have, Henderson! I remind you that the three of us are here because you decided to inspect something you have no idea about just because you wanted to prove a damn point! We should’ve stayed at the church. Instead, we are here with you, so don’t you dare call me selfish, not when all of this has been your damn fault! Ever since you didn’t reach the crawl, everything went to hell! And you didn’t reach it because you were too lost in yourself to consider coming back here and doing your damn job!”
Dustin's eyes filled with restrained tears. “Didn't want to get there? I was attacked, Steve!”
Steve scoffed incredulously. “You were attacked, you say? You’re the one who can’t quit provoking Andy and his goons long enough to not get your ass kicked by them for whatever reason you refuse to tell us. You’re the one who made us lose contact with Hopper. And now you’ve dragged us here after we made contact with him and El and there’s still no sign of a magic generator.”
“I’m not gonna let Andy call Eddie the shit he does and not do anything about it! And you don’t know that it’s not here! We need to get to the roof.” Dustin raised his voice a bit now.
“Dustin, you don’t have to stand up for me like this,” Eddie exclaimed. “In fact, I don’t want you to!”
Dustin’s face paled and he turned around with blazing eyes. “I didn’t want you to almost die in front of me, either, but you still cut the fucking rope!”
Eddie sucked in a deep breath. “I had to buy more time and you know it!”
“Bullshit, Munson. It’s time you stop trying to convince yourself what you did was right and accept the fact that you failed at the one thing I told you to do. That night, I told you two not to take any stupid risks and what did you do? You threw yourselves to be the bats’ food!” Steve roared; the fury in his voice was unmistakable and he had a murderous expression on his face.
“Hey!” Eddie yelled to defend himself, but he was quickly shut down by Steve.
”I’m not finished with you yet,” Steve bellowed and pointed an accusing finger directly in Eddie’s face. “You didn’t take care of him when I specifically asked you to! You let him get hurt, you let him see you almost get devoured by those bats, and you didn’t do your damn job. I don’t know how the hell I trusted you to stay with him. I shouldn’t have left you with him; I didn’t trust you then, I don’t trust you now, and I never will trust you in the future. You made him hate me somehow and I fucking hate you for it.” Steve spat out venomously.
“Ever stop to think that maybe King Steve in all his glory was enough to do that on his own? Why would he chase you when you’re chasing Nancy Wheeler?” Eddie barked back.
“I’m not chasing Nancy! She’s a friend.” Steve defended himself. “Henderson, you have to know I’m not.”
“You're very good at judging others, Steve, but being at the end of the world and still going after a woman who has a boyfriend was damn bullshit, especially for you,” Dustin piped in wanting to join the fight and not think of how hot Steve was being right now. He knew Steve was always very protective of him, but hearing Steve say it himself like that was quite life changing and eye opening.
“Nancy is a friend, Henderson, just a friend. I'm not trying to get back with her!” Steve said desperately; his undivided attention was back on Dustin again.
“Your display at the tower with Byers says otherwise,” Eddie mentioned with a mischievous smirk.
“Last I knew, you wanting to go with her was why you left me alone with Eddie in the Upside Down!” Dustin retorted. “And look how that ended up.”
“I left you alone with Munson because you said you trusted him. You promised to abort if things went south. It’s not my fault you didn’t listen. You chose to follow him back into Hell, Henderson. Why the fuck are you mad at me for that?!” Steve shouted.
“Hey, don’t talk to him like that, Harrington,” Eddie hissed through gritted teeth.
“Fuck off, Munson. Your opinion means nothing. Look at what you did to him,” Steve said bluntly. “Worst part is that he’s so blinded by his hero worship of you that he refuses to understand it was stupid and wrong and continues to stick up for you.”
“It’s wrong to stand by friends now?” Dustin said exasperatedly.
“It is when you overdo it because you feel like you need punished and physical pain is easier to handle than the emotional. Trust me, Henderson. You’re not the first one here to pick fights. You didn’t do anything wrong that night. Munson did, but you didn’t. I need you to accept that.” Steve sounded like he was begging.
“You don’t know anything about how I feel, Steve, because you don’t care about me like that. You’re still jealous of Eddie and that’s why you want me to hate him, too.” Dustin bit back. He knew he was starting to sound desperate.
“I don’t care? You’re going to stand there and say I don’t care about you? Oh, Henderson, you have never been more wrong in your life, buddy.” Steve laughed manically. “I care about you more than Munson ever could and it fucking hurts you don’t see it.”
“Hey, Harrington, you don’t know how I feel about Dustin. From where I’m standing, it does seem like you’re being a jealous asshole again.” Eddie yelled at Steve.
Steve’s hands made fists that it looked like he was valiantly holding down by his sides.
“And like you’re not? When are you gonna admit you cut the rope because you wanted Henderson to look at you the way he looked at me? You told me you were jealous of how Henderson worshipped me and then you pull that stunt? All it showed me was that you don’t know him like I do if you thought cutting the goddamn rope was ever going to stop him from coming after you. And quite frankly, you didn’t deserve that.” Steve snarled.
“Steve!” Dustin cried, but Steve and Eddie were locked into a standoff now.
“Fuck you, Harrington. You’re a hypocrite because you would’ve done the same thing. I know you wish it was you Dustin was a nurse to once upon a time. I know you wanted him to take care of you the way he was me. Don’t stand there acting so self-righteous over this. Does it make you mad that you also got bit by Demobats and Dustin didn’t care because he was so preoccupied with me?” Eddie exclaimed. It seemed he was done holding back now and Dustin was starting to get scared. Neither of his older friends had ever gotten this angry in front of him before.
“That’s not true, Steve! I did care!” Dustin tried rebutting, but it was pointless. Steve punched Eddie in the face and a brawl started between them.
“Stop! Stop!” Dustin begged. He threw himself in between his two friends and tried to push them apart, but his height and strength worked against him.
Eddie and Steve were still trying to choke each other and Dustin tried to grab each of their arms to stop them, but that was a mistake. Their elbows just hit his eyes and nose and made him fall to the ground.
Silence permeated the once loud rainbow room. Everyone was in shock. Dustin looked up at the two men in front of him who were now very ashamed of themselves. Tears were falling down his eyes that were starting to swell a bit and his nose that was already broken was bleeding again.
“Oh, fuck, Hen — Dustin, I am so sorry,” Steve said while holding out his arm to help Dustin up. Dustin pushed it away and got up on his own very shakily.
“Dustin, man, I’m so sorry, too,” Eddie stated. “I swear I’d never hurt you on purpose.”
“But you already have hurt me in a worse way. You cut that rope! Why would you do that?!” Dustin finally admitted to Eddie and left the older man speechless.
“Henderson, let me look at your nose, please,” Steve pleaded gently.
“I don’t want you to touch me. You called me selfish and said I was wasting time and look at what you’re doing! You’re starting fights over misplaced jealousy. If only you knew how I felt, Steve!” Dustin cried.
“I can’t know if you don’t tell me! I’m not a mind reader!” Steve argued back.
“Doesn’t matter anymore. It’s pointless. You two wait here with that walkie talkie. I’m going to the roof. Don’t follow me. I need space and I think you guys need to talk once and for all because I’m done with this shit.” Dustin remarked pointedly.
“Dustin, you shouldn’t go by yourself. Come on, we said sorry,” Eddie said.
“Fuck off. I’m not a kid and I don’t need a babysitter. Leave me alone, damn it. You two are idiots and I don’t want to see you right now. Don’t follow me!” Dustin ordered.
He hoped his crying would be enough to deter Steve and Eddie all at once since he never showed them this much emotion. He left them in the rainbow room and ran upstairs. Steve and Eddie stayed behind devastated by the turn of events and wondering how they could have ever let things get this bad. They were too ashamed to follow their younger friend.
As he climbed the stairs, Dustin felt his chest tightening; the fight had happened a few minutes ago, but the minutes stretched like it had been three winters. The words were not just shouts; they were polished stones thrown with precision knowing the area to aim for that would hurt the most.
Dustin could feel his tears streaming down his face; the words spoken had been harsh. He would even say they hurt him more than the elbows to his already beaten up face had. His heart was broken in so many ways, but he knew that he had gotten his fair share of licks in, too.
“Keep going up, keep going up,” Dustin mumbled to himself as he ran up the stairs. He wasn’t stopping until he was on the roof. The generator had to be there. If it wasn’t, Dustin didn’t know what he’d do. This was his last chance to prove himself to Steve and he really didn’t want to mess it up by being wrong.
As he was running, his tears stopped and his nose stopped bleeding, but he didn’t really notice it. The fight with Steve and Eddie was so bad and he was scared things would never get fixed between them. Dustin knew they were all at fault for it, but he couldn’t help but feeling like it mostly was his. He had a lot of unresolved feelings he kept ignoring and they finally came back to bite him in the ass.
Why did neither of them understand him anymore? Dustin was fed up with them seeing him as a damn little kid still; he was quite capable of taking care of and defending himself and his friends. Hearing Eddie tell him he didn't need to do it and that he really didn't want him to made him angry and hurt his feelings. How dare Eddie tell him not to put himself in danger to defend him? Not when he had done it before for him on a much larger and deadlier scale? He hated Eddie for having the audacity to be such a goddamn hypocrite. Besides, the truth was that Steve's words were right; he hated that Eddie made the decision to protect him and to put himself in danger to save him. Why hadn't Eddie thought that if he had died, he would have been devastated?
The guilt Dustin felt was all consuming and inescapable. It’s not like he had chosen to be hit harshly by Andy and his friends. He didn’t expect a fight so disadvantageous, but what could he do? He had to defend himself and Eddie, right? So, that’s what he did and he thought that maybe Steve and Eddie would be proud of him and realize they no longer needed to take care of him. He was grown up now and wanted to feel as though they saw him as an equal. But of course, that hadn’t happened; instead, Dustin learned that his two best friends hated him. If he thought about it carefully, they were right. It was all his fault. If this damned generator search ended in failure and with either or both of his two older friends dead, he would never forgive himself.
Despite what Steve said, Dustin cared a lot about them both. He wanted them safe, not fighting among themselves.
Before Eddie appeared in Dustin’s life, things with Steve were already shifting; they were somewhat distant, but it made sense that his friend would seek the company of his new friend that was his age and go on dates since his mojo was back, which was why the time they spent together was decreasing.
Then Eddie arrived and showed Dustin that he could find a good friend in him; he accepted him and supported him from that first day in high school when he was wearing a Weird Al T-shirt and getting bullied. They were both in high school, so spending a lot of time together naturally happened. It wasn’t a slight to Steve. Dustin wasn’t replacing him and it was silly for Steve to think so, especially when he had all but replaced him with Robin. The double standard was annoying for sure, but Dustin wished Steve understood nobody would ever come close to being able to fill his spot in his life, not even Eddie. However, later on when the metalhead almost died in his arms, everything became real to Dustin in a way it hadn’t yet. It was only a matter of time until Steve stopped being so lucky after throwing himself in harm’s way just because of Dustin’s stupid theories or curiosities. That’s why pulled away from everyone, but mainly Steve.
At this point in his life, Dustin accepted that he was pushing his friends away, but it was to keep them safe, at least that’s how he justified it. He didn’t want them to die trying to protect him as there was no way he’d survive that. The terror of losing them wasn’t just about being left without friends — it was the fear of being left without pillars. And if Dustin was truly being honest with himself right now, it wasn’t just for that reason that he self-isolated himself. He had changed in these eighteen months that had passed; he questioned his identity all the time while simultaneously telling himself that there was no time for this. No time to unravel what was in his heart, what had him confused, and that made him want to hide until he was confident in himself again.
The melted walls and people only made Dustin push himself harder and faster. Something caused that and he was going to find out what it was. It was time to push all his relationship woes to the back of his mind and focus on the task at hand. Nothing else would matter if he allowed himself to get distracted once more and he was determined to never have a repeat of that again. It was time to be the egotistical genius asshole he was known as for a reason.
Dustin pushed opened the very last door and stumbled onto the roof. He was breathless and had a stitch in his side from being out of shape, but the adrenaline in his veins was keeping him going. There was an electricity in the air that he didn’t feel on the ground outside of the lab and even more melted stuff. Dustin snatched his backpack off and unzipped it as fast as he could. He needed his flashlight, the small grenade he secretly made that Steve nor Eddie knew existed, and the Forever Clock he’d upgraded since his days at Camp Know Where thanks to Mr. Clarke’s help. Dustin placed the last two objects in his trench coat pockets and turned the flashlight on. He walked around the roof carefully aiming the light upwards at angle.
It didn’t take very long for his flashlight beam to hit a spot in the atmosphere that caused shimmery ripples to appear. Dustin knew there had to be something causing that, so he looked around for something to throw at it before taking any other action. He wrenched a small pipe free and ran back to where he was. Without thinking too much about it, Dustin threw the pipe at the area the flashlight disturbed. His eyes widened when currents of electricity zapped all over and a sphere of dark magic or energy appeared. He felt vindicated and knew what had to be done next.
With the knowledge he had at hand and as best as he could think, Dustin grabbed the small grenade from his pocket. He removed the safety stash and launched the grenade as hard as he could into the center of the circle. It looked as if the sphere of power in front of him had merely absorbed the grenade and nothing was going to happen. In a last ditch effort to be useful, Dustin pulled out his Forever Clock. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Mr. Clarke was reminding him that science wasn’t very forgiving, but he thought it was a risk worth taking. Just as his invention hit the center of the sphere, the grenade decided it was time to explode.
Dustin was thrown backwards immediately and landed roughly on the ground. He knew his head took a bad hit again and was close to blacking out. He blinked a lot to keep his eyes open and look at what the explosion had turned the sphere into. It was now a glowing red fiery square of doom and despair. His last thought before he lost consciousness was hoping that Steve and Eddie were okay and that he’d see them again. Dustin wanted to tell Eddie he forgave him and he wanted to tell Steve that he couldn’t live without him and that the thought of it was what kept him away.
“Dustin! Are you in there? Dustin! Come back to us, buddy, come on! Wake up!” A voice that sounded deeper and gruffer than usual from what he’s heard was saying. He felt rough, calloused hands slapping at his cheeks. A part of Dustin was hesitant to become fully conscious, but the part of him that was too curious for his own good was much bigger.
He blinked his eyes open slowly several times. The fear of the unknown was growing on him quickly, so after one last flutter, he forced his eyelids to stay put instead of closing again. Dustin knew he had a concussion because it took a solid couple of minutes for the blur in his vision to go away. He almost passed back out when he finally saw who was talking to him.
Was he dead? Was he dreaming? All Dustin was certain of in the moment was that he needed pinched badly to wake up from whatever this was.
“Pinch me,” Dustin mumbled with his eyes snapping shut again. The man beside him did not.
“Fucking pinch me already, goddamnit. I want to wake up already,” Dustin demanded.
“You little shit. I forgot how pissy you were at sixteen,” the familiar-but-not voice from earlier said while taking the opportunity to pinch both of Dustin’s cheeks hard enough to make him squeal. His face heated up in embarrassment.
Slowly, Dustin’s blue eyes opened back up and he was staring into a face that didn’t make sense, but he would know anywhere. He wasn’t able to look away for a long time because he wanted to commit this older face to his memory forever.
The sound of a throat being cleared interrupted Dustin’s stare off with a much older Steve than he remembered. He blinked once and then moved his eyes over to see who else was there. Five other pairs of very attentive eyes looked at him with enough tenderness, worry, and love in them that it made him shiver immediately. Dustin looked closely at each of the people who were in front of him. Did he know them? He thought he did, but maybe there was something bigger that was about to turn his life upside down happening.
“Of course, you screwed up, right?” A softer and sharper feminine voice asked. Dustin swore he heard some fondness in the tone to offset the sass.
“Son of a bitch! What exactly did that fucking clock do?!” Dustin screeched looking haphazardly at the people surrounding him. His heart sank when the two people he was dying to see weren’t there. “Steve and Eddie better be alive to fucking kill me after this!”