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Hayden was the first visitor to arrive at the hospital - their coach had gotten stuck in the post game press circuit, Shane's parents were on their way from Ottawa and the team had been denied entry when they showed up as a rowdy looking group.
This wasn't the first time Hayden had been sent in alone to report back after a teammate had been injured, he had the right temperament apparently, but this was the first time it had happened to Shane. Hayden tried not to worry too much but he couldn’t help it. Shane was his best friend and that hit had looked nasty. Still, the nurse had told him that Shane was awake and talking so that was good.
He gently pushed open the door to Shane’s room. He was lying there in bed looking so small and fragile. Shane opened his eyes slowly and looked at Hayden and his face lit up as he recognised him.
“Hey buddy, how are you doing?” Hayden asked carefully.
“Okay…” Shane said and winced. His arm was in a sling and he had the beginning of a black eye forming.
“The nurse told me you’ve got a concussion and a broken collar bone.” Hayden said.
Shane looked down at himself and looked as though he was only just realising how much damage there was to his body and his eyes grew wide. The expression he pulled reminded Hayden in that moment of his toddler - same big eyes, same curiosity and only moments away from tears.
“Oh nooo…” Shane whined.
Shane usually didn't whine. He usually didn't look this out of it. Clearly the hospital had given him the good stuff for the pain.
“It's okay, it's okay” Hayden was quick to reassure his friend. He rushed to the bedside and patted Shane awkwardly on his uninjured arm.
“But I had plans!” Shane sighed dramatically.
“I know, but the playoffs will have to happen without you.”
“The playoffs-? Oh, right, yeah, the playoffs…”
Shane had looked momentarily confused, but then seemed to remember the playoffs. He had clearly been thinking of something else. Hayden frowned. He couldn’t think of anything else that Shane cared about more than hockey.
“Yeah, obviously.” Hayden asked, confused. “What were your plans?”
But just before Shane could answer a nurse came in, interrupting. Hayden moved out of her way and let her bustle around, checking various charts and performing what Hayden recognised as a standard concussion test.
“All your vitals are looking good,” she said, once she’d finished. “But you’re still on watch because of your concussion. You need to stay awake for another few hours to be safe. Maybe your friend can help you with that?”
She turned to Hayden. Hayden nodded. He could keep Shane chatting for a while, at least until Shane’s parents arrived.
“Sure.” He agreed.
“Thanks,” The nurse replied and then turned back to Shane. “How are your pain levels?”
Shane shook his head emphatically and then winced at the movement. “I don’t want any more of that stuff, it makes me feel funny,” he said, pouting.
The nurse chuckled. “Don’t worry, your next dose isn't due for another few hours.”
“They really have you on the good stuff. I’d get as much of it as you can if I were you, buddy.” Hayden quipped as he settled into the chair at Shane’s bedside. The nurse snorted a small laugh under her breath but didn’t contradict him, which was a win as far as Hayden was concerned.
“It's good you are here.” She said with a fond smile, “It will help his recovery.”
Once the nurse had left the room and closed the door behind her, Hayden turned to Shane.
“Come on then hot shot - tell me about your big plans for tonight.” Hayden started, still curious to find out what Shane apparently valued more than hockey.
Shane’s face immediately became more engaged. “I was going to see Lily!” Shane said.
Hayden was surprised that Shane brought her up so easily. Usually he just outright denied that she even existed. It must be the medication that was making him open up.
“Aww that’s a shame. Still, always next time, eh?” Hayden commiserated, and then took a punt, wanting to see if Shane would reveal more. “Or do you think she will visit you at the hospital?”
“No, I don't think so. I think we will have to wait… I don’t see Lily often. I like seeing Lily. I don’t like waiting. Lily lives far away.” Shane was slurring his words, sighed, and then mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like, “Lily is too smart to show up here…”
Oh, so it was a long distance relationship! That made so much sense! Poor guy. Hayden found it hard enough being on the road away from his wife and children, no wonder Shane was sad about missing a potential reunion, he was probably expecting to get lucky tonight!
“I’m sorry, that sucks man.” Hayden said, and then felt the need to make a joke to lighten the mood. “Can Lily not stick around? You’ll need her if your right arm’s out of action. Otherwise you’ll just have to get used to using the other hand.” In Hayden’s defence he was trying to be funny. It was a clumsy attempt, sure, but luckily Shane was high enough that he thought he might get away with it.
Shane wrinkled his nose for a moment and then broke out into a wide smile. Clearly Hayden’s gut instinct had been correct.
“That’s okay. Lily can make me come hands free.”
He laughs at his own joke. Hayden blinked in shock. Had Shane just said what he thought he’d said? Captain Hollander was something of an enigma in the locker rooms; never joining in with sexual banter or giving any details about his private life, but clearly the drugs had loosened his tongue.
Hayden knew he should be a good friend, that he should stop the line of questioning there, but damn it he was curious. After nearly a decade of friendship, this was the closest he’d ever come to finding out anything about Shane’s love life, and that included the brief stint with Rose Landry, despite it being all over the papers.
So Lily could make Shane come ‘hands free’? Presumably that meant with her mouth, or- Hayden immediately averted his eyes and reverted to locker room jokes, where he was more comfortable. He cleared his throat.
“Good pussy then? She must be really quite something to tempt you into getting your dick wet again after Rose.”
“What?” Shane blinked. Hayden had to admit it was a little vulgar, much more so than he would usually talk to his friend. Shane looked up at him confused. Oh, yeah, the drugs were probably messing with his head.
“Did Rose even let you hit that?” Hayden asked, more straightforwardly. It was something he’d been curious about ever since Shane had shyly told him that they had met. With Shane under the influence, now was his only opportunity to ask the questions that had been burning in his mind. But then, on the other hand, maybe Shane had never said anything because there was never anything to tell.
Shane laughed. “Yeah, kind of, but no. I’m the hole, I’m not the peg - Rose knows that.”
Holy shit! Was Shane trying to say that he had been pegged by Rose Landry? To be fair there wasn't much a guy wouldn't do for a movie star like her, but for a straight shooting hockey player it seemed a bit much. No wonder Shane didn't like talking about it. The boys would never let something like that drop if they caught wind of it.
“And you were okay with that?” Hayden asked cautiously.
“What do you mean?”
“Not many guys would let their chicks try that shit out.”
“Try what?” Shane said, clearly confused, obviously the drugs were doing a number on him - but Hayden had to know.
“You know, having things up your butt?” Hayden said awkwardly.
Shane smirked, "Of course, where else would it go?”
That was not the answer Hayden was expecting. He looked at his friend with wide eyes, too stunned to speak.
“I love it… It just feels good. I don’t know why everyone’s not doing it. But, I guess it does take some getting used to.”
Hayden knew exactly why everyone wasn’t doing it. He might be more open minded than most of his teammates probably were, but he knew that most of the men would find the idea of being pegged by their girlfriends unbearably close to the idea of being gay. And say what you will, ‘hockey’ and ‘gay’ were two things that just did not go together. No wonder Shane had kept himself to himself, if he liked a woman with a strap on.
“I love feeling so full. The prostate, Hayden, it’s like… it’s like stars behind your eyes. It’s like, primal, I guess. And do you want to know the best bit?”
God help him Hayden didn’t think he wanted to hear any more, but Shane had whispered it like a secret and Hayden had leant in before his brain had a chance to catch up.
“When you get filled up so good and you can feel the come dripping out hours later.” Shane flashed Hayden a wicked grin. He bit his lip, as if, horrifically, he was thinking about it.
Hayden felt like his brain had short circuited. What did Shane mean?! Come dripping?! What the hell was he talking about? He was probably confused talking about his own come. But Hayden needed to be sure.
“You haven't done anything with another man, have you?” he asked carefully.
“Of course. A man, always a man… only a man.” Shane rolled his eyes as though it was the most obvious thing that Hayden should have known all along.
But Hayden didn't know! He had never known whom or what Shane liked. Weren't we just talking about Rose Landry? She didn't have a dick, she had worn enough skin tight costumes that proved it.
“What do you mean only men?! What about Rose?” Hayden stammered. He was happy to just chalk it up as a misunderstanding. Shane was simply high, he didn't really know what he was saying.
“We weren't compatible, you know, in that way,” Shane said.
“Not even when she pegged you?” he asked. He could accept that Shane enjoyed pegging, right? He was just a bit freaky. And for the first time that day he actually wanted Shane to elaborate and clear things up.
”She only pegged me for being gay, that's what she did,” Shane chuckled quietly, smirking at a private joke.
There it was, Shane had said it. Hayden couldn't deny it any longer.
“You’re gay?” he asked with a hushed voice. The word gay felt unusual to him, he rarely used it sincerely, more often than not he used it as a punchline.
“Yeah. I am.” Shane said. “-t’s good to say it out loud.” Hayden needed a second for his brain to catch up what that really meant. And it was getting really fucking complicated. There simply weren't any gay hockey players in the MLH. As the silence stretched that followed that statement, Shane started looking more and more worried, looking with big eyes up at Hayden.
“Oh” Hayden said, as he realised there was only one thing Shane needed to hear. There was a right and a wrong answer to what to say next.
“It's okay buddy. You are still my best friend. That's never going to change.“
He leant down and carefully wrapped his arms around his friend in a gentle hug. He was being careful because of the tubes and wires and bruises - not because he was worried about touching a gay man, because he wasn’t. He was totally fine with it. He just didn’t want to hurt Shane whilst he was injured.
Shane leaned into the hug and when they let go, he could see tears of relief in the corner of Shane's eyes. Shane sniffled, and visibly tried to pull himself together.
“You know, I tried. I tried being straight for so long, Hayden,” Shane whispered, “it just wasn't me. I couldn’t help it.”
“That's okay, Shane.” Hayden said. He recognised his tone as the comforting voice he used with his kids. His mind ran through a clip show of all of the awkward blind dates and Instagram pages he had sent Shane of Jackie's friends over the years, none of which had ever seemed to amount to anything.
He really should have left it there, but gay or not, he simply couldn't help himself from being curious.
“But what about Rose Landry?!”
“Yeah I know… I could only get hard for her once,” Shane admitted sadly, “and when I did, I wasn't even thinking about her.” Shane looked down into his lap as though he were ashamed.
“Oh Shane, that’s okay…” Hayden sighed. So he was like, really gay. “Honestly you being gay explains so much…”
“You are not mad?” Shane asked.
Well that was heartbreaking. Hayden shook his head. The team could never find out of course. The ridicule Shane would face for not being able to get it up for Rose Landry would be unbearable. But no, he wasn’t angry, or disappointed.
“No, man.” He said sincerely, “I am sorry I tried setting you up with so many of Jackie’s friends. If I had known, I’d’ve never…”
“I am sorry I had to let them all down. I tried every time." Shane said, looking dejected.
“Oh, I bet you did. But hell, if you are gay you shouldn't force it.” Hayden said softly. “Man, I can't even imagine having to keep that kind of secret.”
“No, it's terrible.” Shane sighed. “I hate having to lie.”
Hayden hadn't even known Shane was capable of seriously lying at all. The mental gymnastics Shane had probably done to obscure the truth and bend it just the right way must have been exhausting over the years. No wonder the strong medication he was on seemed to be acting strangely like a truth serum.
“No wonder you've always been so quiet about your love life.”
“You know, sometimes it's really hard to not say anything when you all talk about the sex stuff in the locker room. Everyone acts like I don’t know about anything!” Shane smirked. “But turns out you guys know absolutely nothing about anal.”
Hayden laughed weakly. He remembered a locker room conversion form just a couple of weeks ago where the team had been discussing what their wives and girlfriends let them do in the bedroom. Several of the players had been boasting, swapping stories and giving advice that Hayden, along with all the rest of them, had assumed to be solid.
“Honestly, I feel bad for Comeau’s girlfriend,“ Shane said.
Comeau had been the loudest in the locker room boasting about his experience with anal sex. He’d been encouraging all of the other guys to pester their girls into doing it too. He’d described it as ‘the hottest fucking thing a girl could do’. Shane had kept himself to himself during the whole conversation, Hayden remembered, and he also remembered the look of disgust that had been written all over Shane’s face. He’d assumed it had been due to the graphic nature of the conversation, but apparently he’d been wrong about that too.
“Even if you’re doing it regularly there’s still a fair amount of prep work that has to go into it.” Shane said calmly, “Otherwise I'd be playing a match looking like Bambi on ice.”
Right, Shane bottomed… Hayden had almost forgotten. But, before matches? That was new fucking knowledge.
“The way Comeau was talking is honestly borderline dangerous. You don’t wanna tear anything down there. I mean, it’s still a muscle, so it can stretch obviously but it’s not like it loses elasticity. I’m not… a sock!"
“Oh my god, Shane shut up,” Hayden groaned weakly.
“You don’t just have to use fingers to stretch, obviously, although that is traditional. And good… but you can use other stuff. Even a tongue! Did you know that Hayden? I love it when he licks me first. He puts his tongue inside me and it's all wet and it feels so good and his fingers… he knows just how to use them and open me up so I’m ready to take him.”
“Shane stop.” Hayden tried again to no avail.
“He’s so big but it feels great. Overwhelming sometimes, but you’ve just got to breathe through it and then it's amazing!”
“Please stop!” Hayden was starting to grow panicked that he might have to do something more drastic to stop Shane from talking… like smothering him with a pillow perhaps…
“The first time he fucked me I came without him touching my dick at all and he liked that. I obviously liked it too…”
Hayden realised in growing horror that when Shane had been talking about coming hands free, he could have been referring to that.
“But of course, you know..." Shane trailed off, finally letting Hayden get a word in.
“No! I don't!” Hayden yelled, “All I know is that you are dating some chick named Lily and…” Hayden stopped dead in his tracks as he realised that Lily probably wasn't the sweet girl he had been imagining.
Shane sighed whistfully, “He is Lily… Lily is him…”
Oh, that was kind of sweet actually. At least this explained why Hayden had never gotten to meet her. Shane had a dopey look on his face that seemed impossibly fond. Hayden smiled at his friend. Shane smiled back, and then opened his mouth again.
“He tastes so good I wish I could describe it.”
“Please don’t!” Hayden said quickly. He didn’t know how much more of this drug induced blabbing he could take. But at least it was him who was here, and not some nurse or other player who was probably less discrete. He would get through this for the sake of his friend. Shane would owe him big time after this.
“Have you ever had a man come in your mouth, Hayden?”
“No!?”
Shane chuckled softly. “You should try it. It’s easier if he comes right down your throat at the back so you swallow kind of automatically, but I like it when he comes on my face and I get to lick at the drips.”
“Shane, I swear to god-” Hayden sighed, hiding his face in his hands.
“But of course I taste better.”
“Shane-” Hayden tried again, but this time curiosity got the better of him. “Wait, how do you know that? Did you do, like, a taste test?” He wrinkled his nose.
Shane laughed. The sound was light and more joyous than Hayden thought he’d ever heard coming from his friend.
“No! He just kisses me right after sometimes and I can taste myself. It's the macrobiotic diet you know… I tell him, ‘diet affects taste’, but he doesn’t listen. And if you think about it, it's not that big of a deal. It really is just some extra protein.”
“Fucking hell.”
Silence fell over the room. Honestly Hayden was having a fair bit of trouble wrapping his mind around what Shane had just said - not the protein thing, Jackie had made that joke once or twice before, but the fact that Shane apparently enjoyed sucking dick. It was just quite a big adjustment from the image of his friend he’s always had in his mind. Shane looked so innocent, tucked up in the hospital bed, nodding his head. And yet he was saying things that would make even the most rowdy locker room blush with embarrassment. It was a hard thing to reconcile the two pictures. He just looked so sweet - blinking slowly, eyes falling shut. Just on the edge of sleep-
Oh, yeah, he was meant to stop Shane falling asleep.
“So tell me about ‘Lily’,” Hayden said loudly, hoping that he wouldn’t regret his choice of question. “How long has this been going on?”
“Rookie season… we had our rookie season.” Shane said sleepily.
“We?” Hayden echoed. That almost sounded like he was talking about another player…“It’s not another player is it Shane?”
Just the thought filled Hayden with apprehension and he couldn’t help but let the worry creep into his voice. He hoped some arsehole jock wasn’t taking advantage of his admittedly adventurous, but still sweet and naïve Captain.
“Shhhhhh, it’s a secret.” Shane hissed.
God, this was just getting worse and worse. Hayden betted it was a secret. Another player? Jesus! The league would have a field day. He couldn't even begin to imagine the fallout if this went public.
“When you meet him, you are going to say that I have terrible taste in men because you think he acts like an asshole on the ice. But Jackie would say I have great taste, because he’s hot, and good at hockey, and very strong and big and handsome.”
That could describe any number of players… But one thing was not making sense to him: How did two players even manage to hook up in the first place? Since rookie season? Maybe they’d been in the Junior League together?
“So how did you guys find each other?”
“I introduced myself to him.” Shane admitted. “I shook his hand, twice.” Shane raised his eyebrows as if it meant something.
That just sounded like the normal awkwardness Shane exuded when meeting new people. Hayden was pretty sure that that wasn't enough to constitute flirting, right? Unless it was some secret gay double handshake he wasn't aware of.
“I was so dumb back then. I just thought I liked to watch him skate. I didn't realise until later that I wanted to kiss him too.”
Hayden had a hard time imagining two hockey players getting close in that kind of way, as surely making any kind of advances at a guy was a sure way to get punched. Even the suggestion was enough to make some guys angry.
“So how did he know that you… you know?” Shane looked at him blankly. Hayden stammered, “You know… that he wanted to kiss you as well..?”
“Oh, right, I accidentally looked at him in the shower.”
“Okay.. but like, we all shower together. How did you know?”
“When I looked, I really looked…” Shane said with emphasis. “He saw me and I got hard. And then he let me look. And he was hard too.”
What did Shane mean by letting him look? The way Hayden experienced showering next to Shane was pretty unremarkable as Shane always faced the wall and minded his own business. He had never once noticed Shane have wandering eyes, let alone get hard in the shower. Obviously he didn't pay close attention. But also, it didn't seem like Shane was attracted to anyone on their team.
“It’s not someone on our team, is it?” Hayden asked slowly, just wanting to rule it out. He liked to think that he would have noticed, but then, clearly he had already missed some pretty big things about the man who was supposed to be his best friend.
“Noooo, never.” Shane shook his head gently.
Oh that’s right, Shane had said this guy lived far away. At least that made things slightly less complicated.
“So it's been just that one guy, all this time?” Hayden confirmed.
Shane nodded.
“And he is on a different team?” Another answering nod.
A different team. That meant a rival team. A team they played against. But Shane had always been so fiercely loyal to the Metros, surely this would be a conflict of interest - especially with Shane being their Captain.
“And what? You just leave the hockey stuff at the door?” Hayden asked.
Shane looked amused by that statement and opened his mouth to reply.
“Nevermind,” Hayen said quickly, holding up his hand before Shane could say anything, "Actually I don't want to know, if your dirty talk is just taunting each other about hockey.”
Shane smirked. “His chirps are usually much dirtier when we are off the ice.”
“Oh god!” Hayden mumbled. So hockey was… foreplay?
“After games we talk about it. Like, who scored more… or who has more points or trophies… it’s kind of fun teasing him when he loses. He pretends he doesn't care.”
Hayden sighed. Of course, Shane the hockey robot would find someone who he could have hockey pillow talk with. It sounded like in another world this could have been the perfect match for him.
“Of course you get all freaky about hockey.” Hayden rolled his eyes.
Shane's face split into a wicked grin, “I wore his jersey one night and watched him play in it the next day.”
Oh god. Maybe Hayden shouldn't have used “freaky" and "hockey” in the same sentence. On second thought, how was Shane the puck bunny in this scenario? He was the player with the most goals and wins, he was the Shane Hollander. If anything, this mystery player should be the one wearing his jersey.
“He played really well that day. Next time he said he’s going to make me come all over the logo. For luck.”
Oh my god.
“Obviously bad for us… but kind of hot, isn’t it?”
Shane attempted to shrug but winced with the movement. Hayden’s mind was whirring. That could have been any game. Hayden could have played against a player who was wearing a jersey Shane had had sex in.. who would do that!? It was one thing to find out that Shane was a freak in the sheets. Who could possibly match his energy?
Hayden tried to catalogue in his head all of the things he knew about Lily. There wasn’t a lot to go on…
Shane smiled that private, genuine smile every time he texted her- him. And he’d been texting him for years. Since his rookie season apparently. And then there was the frequency of texting and sneaking around in Boston… Come to think of it, she was Boston Lily wasn’t she- he? And they had been due to meet tonight, when Boston was in town…
Perhaps this player was on the Boston team, but who in Boston had Shane known since his rookie season? Obviously not Rozanov, so there had to be another player that matched that description. He tried thinking about who else there was, but honestly he had never been huge on hockey stats and wasn't always in the loop about who got traded where.
But this felt like progress. Not that he wanted to invade Shane’s privacy, but he had gotten curious, now that he was so close to figuring it out. Surely just a couple more pointed questions would give the game away…
“So, what position does he play?” Hayden asked, trying to sound casual.
But before Shane could answer, there was a soft knock on the door and it opened. Hayden looked round and froze where he stood. What the fuck was he doing here?
“Ilyaaaaaaa!” Shane sounded delighted. Hayden groaned. Ilya Rozanov was standing in the doorway looking uncharacteristically unsure of himself.
“Pike is here.” Rozanov said to Shane with a blank expression, it rubbed Hayden the wrong way that he was talking like he wasn't standing right there.
“I knowwwwww…” Shane said with the goofy grin still on his face “I’ve been telling him about the time with the jersey!”
Rozanov’s face fell.
“Hollander,” Rozanov said in a warning tone. Hayden had no time wondering why Rozanov was there, but the far bigger issue was that Shane was in the mood to spill all of his secrets. And whilst Hayden would never admit to anything he learned today, he was certain that Rozanov would probably tweet about it as soon as he left the hospital room. The man was famously indiscreet, if his string of women was anything to go by.
“You remember, when-” Shane said but Hayden cut him off urgently.
“Shut up Shane,” Hayden hissed. “Rozanov you need to go. Shane is high, he doesn't know what he is saying.” He put himself between his friend and his rival, hoping that Rozanov would just listen and leave and not be a dick for once in his life.
“Is okay Pike” Rozanov said dismissively, “I just want to check on-”
“It’s not okay! Rozanov, please, just go!” Hayden said firmly. Under no circumstances could he allow Rozanov to find out that Shane was gay. That would mean the end of Shane’s career.
“Nooooooooo. Ilya come here!” Shane raised his good arm and made the type of grabby hands that Hayden usually saw from his kids whenever he was too slow in handing them a snack.
Rozanov came forward, pushing past Hayden, not aggressively, but as though he wasn’t even there. It was like he was laser focused on getting over to Shane. Shane grabbed Rozanov’s hand as soon as he was in reach and sighed blissfully.
“Yesssss, that’s better.” He said, closing his eyes.
Hayden almost choked on his own spit. What!?
“You scared me, Hollander.” Rozanov said, in a voice so soft it seemed fake.
Hayden’s blood ran cold.
“Hey, Shane?” He said quietly, hoping against hope that the horrendous thought that had just popped into his head was wrong, “Please tell me it’s not- You can’t be! You hate each other!”
“No, not really.” Rozanov said. “Not hate. We are friends.”
Rozanov turned back to Shane with a soft expression. His eyes scanned up and down Shane’s form, looking at him as though he was taking inventory of the injuries, not through the eyes of a rival but as though he wanted to kiss them better.
Hayden had no words. It was hard to even form a normal thought. There were so many things that just seemed wrong in the scene that was playing out in front of him. Then the panic gripped him, and he realised that he had to know.
“Lily?!” Hayden blurted out.. and Rozanov looked at him with wide, fearful eyes.
“I don't know who-” Rozanov said, but Shane cut him off.
“Yes. He is Lily. I am Jane.” he said with an oddly calm smile “That's how it has always been.”
Rozanov was Lily. Boston Lily. Boston… Ilya. Hayden was going to be sick. It was Rozanov that Shane had been talking about all this time. All of the things that Shane said he had done, had been with Rozanov. Only with Rozanov. And Shane had been taking it from Rozanov before their matches. Shane had worn a Raiders 81 jersey and Rozanov had played in it!!!
“You look bad Pike. Perhaps is good you are in hospital already.” Rozanov said coldly.
“Just… um… Putting context to what Shane told me earlier.” Hayden mumbled and he felt his face burning.
The sex, the blowjobs, the fingering, the tongue… it was too much.
“Wait, Rozanov puts his tongue inside you!?” Hayden blurts out the first thing that came to mind.
“Yes. of course. I am good lover.” Rozanov looked affronted and then shrugged, as though it was the most normal thing in the world. Shane nodded enthusiastically. Rozanov had clearly corrupted innocent Shane, who hadn’t even known until recently what ‘cunnilingus’ meant, but apparently got his arse eaten on the regular. Rozanov grinned at his discomfort. “Don’t be committing hate crime Pike. Is normal.”
“Normal? Weren’t you his first? You obviously made Shane think it's normal."
There was no way Shane had had any idea what was ‘normal’. Rozanov probably bent him to his will. He might even have groomed him, after all he’d cornered Shane in the showers hadn’t he! Having sex before hockey matches… it was all some kind of fucked up power fantasy.
“I was a good first.” Rozanov said, offended.
“So gentle,” Shane whispered with a dreamy expression.
Hayden would have had a hard time imagining Rozanov being gentle, if it weren’t for how tenderly he was still holding Shane's hand. It was definitely a possibility that it was… Romantic!? He wanted to be sick. Oh god, maybe they called each other pet names or, god what if they snuggled!?
“You will keep mouth shut, Pike. You will say nothing.”
Rozanov was glaring at him again. Was Rozanov worried? His words were forceful, threatening, but there seemed to be an undercurrent of fear behind them. Hayden could understand that. He didn’t care about Rozanov, but he knew how upsetting this would be for Shane once he was back in his right mind, and he didn’t want to do anything to hurt his best friend. He certainly didn’t want to out him accidentally.
“Of course not!” Hayden said, almost offended.
“And you will not make problem for him about this?” Rozanov gestured at Shane.
“I’m not a homophobe! No way!”
“Then why you look like you swallow all of team shower water?”
“I am okay with Shane being gay! I just don't understand why he decided to be gay with you…”
Rozanov’s posture stiffened and if looks could kill the glare he fixed Hayden with would certainly have been fatal, but then Shane giggled into the silence.
“Nine inches…” Shane chuckled under his breath.
Hayden pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes for a second letting the information wash over him. He felt the beginning of a dull headache forming. But it was soon forgotten, as when he opened his eyes he was faced with Ilya Rozanov looking smugger than Hayden had ever seen him before, which was saying something.
Was Shane really so shallow that a ludicrously big dick was really all it took? And Shane enjoyed having that shoved down his throat!?
“Anyone else… Literally… were there no other guys?” Hayden pleaded, “Hell, even any other hockey players?”
Shane slowly shook his head, he looked up at Rozanov dreamily as though he was the only man in the world.
“Maybe Scott Hunter?" Rozanov deadpanned. “He is gay, yes?”
Hayden let out a laugh that sounded more like a snort. Obviously Scott Hunter couldn't be gay. He was a foundational cornerstone of the MLH and a role model for all hockey players. But it was hard to tell if Rozanov was being serious.
“No.” Hayden shook his head. “He is not.”
“How do you know?” Rozanov fixed him with a hard stare.
“Ilya says he has a feeling about these things.” Shane said. “But I don't believe it either.”
“Maybe I should shower with him to find out?” Rozanov said and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at Shane. Hayden had to take a deep breath to calm himself, he had only just heard Shane describe his first get-together with Rozanov in the showers and it had etched itself in Hayden's mind. Rozanov somehow made sense to be the sort of guy who would enjoy the attention of being watched. He’d probably play into it.
"Ilya once wanted Hunter to join us. I am sure it was a joke. Of course I said no… we were like nineteen and Scott Hunter was… well..." Shane began counting on his fingers and quickly lost track as he was too out of it.
Rozanov cackled and held up his free hand. “You need many more fingers to count!”
"It is quite an age gap…” Hayden mumbled in a monotone voice. He had truly run out of fucks to give about yet another revelation that would have made him faint thirty minutes ago.
“It was only half a joke.” Rozanov chimed in, “Scott Hunter is hot… for a dinosaur.”
"No way.” Shane pouted. “I don't like the idea of sharing you with anyone."
Shane gripped Rozanov's hand tighter and Rozanov's expression softened.
"Oh buddy... from what you just told me, the two of them would have been sharing you." Hayden said to Shane who surprisingly looked a little flustered.
He tried to ignore Rozanov nodding affirmatively, making him regret even engaging with the thought. He now had to banish an image from his mind of a young innocent Shane with an over eager Ilya Rozanov and Scott Hunter looming over him like hungry wolves.
"Is true… You were still virgin. Hunter and I would have destroyed you." Ilya smirked.
Hayden pulled a pained expression with his face. Once again that had been too much information.
“If Hunter ever comes out, we can invite him.” Rozanov winked and flashed a lopsided grin.
Shane wrinkled his nose. Hayden was relieved to see that even this new freaky version of Shane had a limit, but it was disconcerting how the two rivals seemed to just understand each other. It was like they were in-sync.
“So, how the fuck does this, even work” Hayden gestured between them. The whole relationship or lack thereof still confused him.
“For a while, we just got together and fucked. It was simple.” Rozanov shrugged.
Shane scrunched up his face disapprovingly.
Rozanov sighed and then continued. “And then over time it got complicated.” It looked like he had trouble admitting it.
“And now you two are…?” Hayden asked, waving his hand, waiting for either Shane or Rozanov to fill in the blank with ‘boyfriends’ or whatever they were calling each other. But both of them stared at him like a deer in headlights.
He had clearly pushed too far. God, this was awkward.
“Right.” Hayden cleared his throat. “I don't need to know any more disgusting details… I just want to know if you are sure.” He spoke directly to Shane, looking into his eyes looking for any sign that he was uncomfortable with the whole Rozanov situation. He waited for any insecure flicker, but Shane held his gaze.
“Ilya makes me feel the most safe in the whole world.” Shane said with a sure and steady voice, that almost sounded sober.
Hayden watched as Rozanov’s face changed in real time. First instant and unguarded surprise followed by a flash of fear. Then his whole face softened into a soppy, Hayden would even say loving, expression. Holy shit, it was mutual... Rozanov really liked Shane!
If Shane felt safe with him, then maybe there was no harm in leaving the two of them alone for a while and giving them some privacy. He had already heard enough about Shane's sex life to make up for a decade of silence, and then some.
“I’ll give you two a minute.” Hayden said, making a decision swiftly.
Rozanov nodded at him, Hayden almost thought appreciatively.
“Bye Haydennnn.” Shane called after him in a singsong voice, as he moved to the door and stepped out into the corridor. At least he was Rozanov’s problem now.
Hayden let out a huge breath.
Holy Shit!
He stood in the corridor leaning against the wall trying to collect his thoughts. There were just too many things that made him reevaluate things that Shane had said or done over the years. Suddenly everything made a whole lot more sense. And he was going to have to watch some old footage of their matches against Boston to look for things he had missed. Jackie would help him look for clues. How could he have been so blind?
But one thing was certain, Shane liked Rozanov, and Rozanov liked him back. And it was all going to be fine, just as long as nobody else ever found out-
“Hayden!”
Hayden turned and fear exploded through him. Yuna and David Hollander were hurrying up the corridor towards him.
“How is he?” Yuna called from a distance.
“Fine.” Hayden said startled, “I mean, not fine… he is really drugged up at the moment.”
“The doctor told us, broken collar bone and a concussion. Is he awake?” David asked.
“Yeah, the nurse told me to keep him awake and talking.”
“Oh that's good.” Yuna breathed a sigh of relief as she came level. It was clear that she was about to push past Hayden to get to Shane's room. Hayden quickly stepped in front of the door to block her path.
“Thing is…” Hayden paused and then felt guilty about the worried expressions on Shane’s parent’s faces. “Thing is, he might say some stuff you don't want to hear. It would probably be best if you wait until the drugs have worn off a bit.”
Yuna looked at him furiously. And Hayden understood in that moment that nothing he could say would stop her from seeing her injured son immediately. Nevertheless, he tried again; for Shane’s sake.
“Look, I’m just saying I’ve learnt more about my best friend in ten minutes than in ten years, and I think Shane would be embarrassed if-”
“I’m his mother, nothing Shane says can shock me.” Yuna scolded.
Hayden knew for a fact that that wasn’t true. And he knew that there was very little chance of his friend’s secret remaining a secret if Rozanov was still in the room. Maybe if he gave the man a warning he could hide under the bed or something…
Hayden knocked on the door as surreptitiously as possible with his fist behind his back and his back to the door. Then he pushed it open a crack and spoke as loudly as possible.
“Shane, your parents are here to see you.”
Yuna didn’t let him stall for long. She pushed her way into the room and Hayden just caught a glimpse of Rozanov jumping back from the bed out of arms reach. He was blushing. Hayden didn't want to know what Shane had said or done to make the Russian blush.
“Shane!” Yuna ran to his bedside as Shane’s face lit up in a smile.
“Mum! Dad!” Shane said with a bright smile as he tried, unsuccessfully, to push himself up in bed a little more.
“Oh honey…” Yuna crooned, and began stroking her hand through her son’s hair. “How are you feeling?”
“Wellfair check, is it?” David asked, clearly looking to where Rozanov was standing trying to appear as unobtrusive as possible. Yuna’s head snapped up.
“Rozanov?” she demanded, then rounded on Hayden, “How could you leave them alone in here! He could’ve done anything to my baby!”
Hayden knew just how true that was. He winced.
“Rozanov’s no trouble.” He muttered.
“Ilya came to see me.” Shane said brightly.
“I can see that.” Yuna replied sternly, ”This is really not the time for a PR stunt visit. I think it's a ‘family only’ kind of moment right now.”
Rozanov nodded sadly. Shane frowned, and then his eyes widened in panic as Rozanov began to head towards the door. Hayden could see how much it pained his friend to see Rozanov leaving. Both men were helpless and it suddenly struck Hayden as desperately sad…
“No!” Hayden said without thinking and then instantly regretted it. Obviously having Rozanov leave as quickly as possible was the easiest way out of this mess, but he’d seen the way Shane had looked at the man and he knew that he couldn’t let him leave. Not yet. Shane needed him.
“No?” Yuna rounded on him looking furious.
“No, I mean- I just-” Hayden stammered.
“What were you doing here?” David asked Rozanov, his voice not judgemental, instead he seemed curious, having watched the whole interaction from the sidelines.
“I came as Captain to offer my best wishes for getting well.” Rozanov said meekly, quite unlike himself. “Marlow feels very bad. He says sorry.”
David smiled and turned back to his wife. “See, that’s nice.”
It was a plausible excuse for Rozanov to be there, so long as Shane kept his mouth shut. Maybe once Shane was feeling better he could carefully float the idea that they didn't hate each other to his parents and maybe they would buy it. Maybe there would be a way the two of them could be together properly.
“But I don’t see why Hayden would wait outside? Or why Rozanov’s still here?” Yuna demanded.
“Shane and I… We’re…” Rozanov stammered, clearly thinking along the same lines as Hayden himself. “...we are friends.” Rozanov said cautiously.
“With benefits!” Shane added cheerfully.
Hayden slapped his hand to his forehead. There it was… so much for a soft launch…
“Shane, that's not-” Rozanov tried to course correct but Shane interrupted him.
“No no, it's true.” Shane insisted. “Lots of benefits. His dick is-”
Rozanov stepped forwards and placed his hand quickly over Shane’s mouth, which was lucky as it stopped Hayden from having to do the same. Shane's parents didn't need to know about the nine inches.
“I’m sorry?” Yuna seemed to malfunction before him. She blinked slowly and Hayden saw realisation dawn across her face, followed by horror.
“Oh, I see.” David said calmly. “That’s a surprise.”
“No, that can’t be true.” Yuna shook her head. “Shane clearly doesn’t know what he’s saying.”
“Um, no I think that part actually…” Hayden trailed off when she turned to glare at him.
On the opposite side of the room Rozanov shrugged. “Is true.”
“You- you two…” Yuna looked from Rozanov to Shane and back again “are gay?”
Rozanov looked panicked for a second as he looked down at Shane.
“But you’ve both had girlfriends? I mean, Rozanov, you have quite the reputation as a ladies man.” David contributed softly.
“Is not untrue, but I like both,” Rozanov shrugged. He finally removed his hand from Shane's mouth.
“Gay!” Shane blurted out, finally able to say it. “I’m gay!”
“I think I’m getting that.” Yuna said slowly, looking between Shane and Rozanov and back again.
“I’m sorry mom,” Shane said suddenly looking sad, “I tried really hard. I promise…”
Yuna’s face fell. “Oh sweetheart, no. You have nothing to be sorry for.” She perched on the side of the bed and gathered her son’s face in her hands to plant a gentle kiss to his forehead.
David stepped closer and gently ruffled his hand through his son's hair. “We love you no matter what.”
Hayden risked a glance at Rozanov. His face was doing something extremely complicated as he watched the demonstration of familial love that was playing out before them with laser focus. He looked sad and fearful and honestly, he looked as though he was about to cry.
Shane, at least, was smiling again. He wormed his hand out through the cocoon his parents had created around him and once again made grabby hands in Rozanov’s direction. Rozanov, to his credit, came straight back to Shane’s side. It looked strangely right, all of the Hollanders and Rozanov together like that, arranged in a candid family portrait. The thought took Hayden by surprise.
Then the moment was broken as Yuna and David stepped back once more as they sensed the presence of the tall Russian close to them. As one they both seemed to notice the joined hands and Yuna, at least, eyed Rozanov suspiciously. Shane however seemed undisturbed by this. He was staring at Rozanov as though he’d personally hung the stars in the sky.
“And now I can ask the question I wanted to ask you tonight in the hotel.” Shane said softly with the dopey smile back on his face.
For a split second Hayden had the horrifying thought that Shane was about to propose, possibly Rozanov thought so too as he looked slightly panicked again.
“No, Hollander-” He interrupted softly.
“Will-you-come-to-my-cottage-this-summer?” Shane grinned, unable to keep the words from tumbling out. “Don’t go to Russia… Come to my house. We’ll have so much fun. We’ll have a week together or even two…”
Yuna gasped, but no one looked at her. All eyes were on the couple, waiting for Rozanov’s reply.
“Um, maybe.” Rozanov defected after a moment, still looking panicked. His eyes darted nervously to each of the other people in the room in turn.
Shane, however, seemed content with the answer. Rozanov opened his hand so that Shane’s fingers could slip to interlace with his. Hayden felt a warm fuzzy feeling settle in his chest. Goddamn it.
“So, Yuna, David…” Hayden said, with slightly less urgency. “Should we maybe go to the cafeteria and give the two of them some privacy until the meds wear off a little?” Anything to give the lovebirds some time alone.
David, luckily, seemed to get the hint. He pulled his wife away from Shane’s bedside.
“Come on love, he’s in good hands.”
Hayden couldn’t help but agree.