Chapter Text
The Ottawa Centaurs’ social media had been blowing up since it was announced that the first husbands of hockey would be teaming up. From hockey fans to stan twitter, their love story had taken the world by storm.
Harris, ever the strategist, knew he needed to capitalize on this popularity. Not in an exploitative way, but driven by the desire to show that hockey could be an inclusive space. Locker rooms could be warm, open, and supportive, despite what many currently looked like. The Centaurs showed this every single day — not just in a performative pride-tape-way, but through their actions. The men on this team were not only accepting of Harris and Troy but genuinely celebratory of their love. Harris was proud of his team, and he wanted to show the entire world what went on behind the Centaurs’ closed doors.
Harris believed that Shane now felt the safety of Ottawa. It took Shane some time to open up; don’t get him wrong. It was evident Shane was waiting for the other shoe to drop. But the men of the Centaurs kept showing up for Shane, over and over and over again. They took him in, and for the first time, Shane realized the support was not conditional based on his performance in hockey. Eventually, Shane would even volunteer to be in Harris’ videos. Harris loved it when Shane dropped the media-trained persona that was forced on him (from himself, the Metros, and even Yuna) for so many years. Shane was more open, more giggly, and just lighter all around. He allowed himself, at times (albeit super rarely), to even be a menace.
Ilya, on the other hand, was always a menace. Probably far too open on social media. Harris loved Ilya wholeheartedly, but that man stressed him to no end. He was unable to be media-trained, no matter how many attempts were made by Harris. It didn’t help the situation that the entire Ottawa locker room was constantly laughing over Ilya’s chaos. It just made Ilya want to make them laugh more. And god, the engagement on Ilya’s content!!!! There was nothing like it. I mean, what was Harris to do?? So, when Ilya decided to make a specific group chat with Harris and the rest of the social media team, he was willing to not *immediately* shut him down. Harris quickly gleaned Ilya’s intention: to share video ideas that he wanted the Centaurs to participate in. And honestly, they were good ideas. Some were way too chaotic or completely inappropriate, but most were usable. This week, it was decided that they were going to use one of Ilya’s references.
The one Harris picked seemed harmless enough, but it allowed the boys to showcase their personalities. The video went something like this: Each Centaur would bring in a comical, bordering on outrageous, object from home and hide it in their bags. They would each fill their mouths with water. Standing in a circle, each one would slowly, one by one, take their object out. The goal was not to make each other laugh. They had to keep the water in their mouths. However, these men were constantly seeking to make each other laugh and would often stop at nothing to do so. Harris knew it would be a good video. Honestly, it would even be great…
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When the Centaurs returned to Ottawa from their most recent game in Montreal, Harris knew it was go-time. They had won, obviously, in a 4-0 shutout. However, the mood was always a bit tense after Montreal games, given the horrific way they treated Shane. Harris knew this would be something to lighten the mood — to remind Shane that he was home. That he was in a locker room where he was safe and could be himself.
Harris told them the plan after practice one day, but also sent a reminder and the instructions over text. He was in the players’ group chat (what felt like against his will sometimes). That group chat could NEVER see the light of day, Harris often thought to himself. While he didn’t often contribute to the chaos, he definitely wasn’t an innocent bystander in their craziness either. With two sample videos sent to “The Four Horsemen of Hockey's Gaypocalypse” his work was done for now. Harris gave them three days to think about what items they wanted to bring in. Then, it was time for the reveal…
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The moment each of them got the task, the scheming began. What could evoke the biggest reaction? Each Centaur had a different idea.
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The video opened with bold text superimposed over a clip of the rooks messing around in the locker room. The text said, “Show and Tell: What Did the Centaurs Bring to Work Today?” It cut quickly to a video of some team members standing around in a circle. The teams’ cheeks were all stretched out, clearly full of water. Luca’s glasses were clearly slipping off his nose, due to the unusual shape of his face at the moment. Ilya and Shane, who had taken on a mentorship/parental role for Luca, looked at him with pride, and then at each other with (as though they made Luca themselves).
The order of the reveal was pre-selected by Harris. He had water bottles and towels ready, knowing this was going to result in a very wet floor and a bunch of very wet Centaur men. On the floor behind each man was a team-issued duffel bag. They were obscenely large, bordering on the size of body bags, which fed into the excitement. The boys could literally bring anything.
Holmberg (Bergy) was set to go first. All the boys closed their eyes as he went searching in his bag, careful not to release water from his mouth as he bent down. Bergy pulled out a massive traffic cone. At the sound of Harris snickering in the background, eyes quickly began opening. The rookies broke first — proving the “they share one brain cell” point right, yet again. Water immediately exploded from the mouths of Young and LaPointe, and giggles erupted. Luca held on for dear life and was mainly successful, with only droplets of water making their way out. Wyatt broke next, as he basically burst from the seams, trying not to laugh. The rest of the men maintained their foothold. Shane, Troy, and Bood appeared completely unmoved, but Harris could see the glint of amusement in their eyes. Ilya was practically the color of a tomato, trying to contain his laugh. He managed, but just barely, as his competitive nature forced him to try to outlast Shane.
If the first round was any indication of the disaster to come, they were all in for a great time. Harris immediately knew this video was going to outperform the last few trends completed by the Centaurs. Hell, this will probably get more engagement than all of these videos combined, Haris thought to himself.
After the Rooks and Hayes refilled their mouths with water, it was time for Young to go. The men closed their eyes, imaginations running wild as they prepared for Young to go for something bigger, more outrageous than Bergy’s traffic cone. After Harris told them to open their eyes, surprise quickly overtook the team. As they each squinted to see what was in Young’s hands, they discovered Young had brought in an egg. A single, hard-boiled egg. He held it up to the crowd like a prized possession. Around the room, the shock of seeing such a normal item (on the backdrop of Bergy’s traffic cone) triggered some spews of water. The person most affected, funnily enough, was Shane. Water exploded from Shane’s mouth, drenching his neighbors. At the sight of Shane spitting, Ilya’s hold immediately snapped, and suddenly, he was cackling. Seeing the husbands giggling, Troy broke, then Dykstra. The giggles didn’t last too long, though, as Ilya and Shane were practically driven by their competitive nature, and immediately returned to their positions. Troy and Dykstra also filled their mouths with water, ready to go.
Next was Bood’s turn. He was ready. For days, he and Cass brainstormed ideas about what he could bring. Then last night, as his son scrolled through Disney+, he was reminded of one of his favorite bits from a Nickelodeon TV show he watched in his teen years: iCarly. Sam’s butter sock flashed in his mind, and he had his answer: a block of butter. And it would have been a great choice… had Bood not have been randomly chosen to go after Young. However, unlike the transition from traffic cone to egg, egg to butter was unsurprising. It felt overdone, which, considering Bood was only third, wasn’t the best feeling. He got some smiles, but the damage was done — Bood didn’t make anyone break. No water soaked him. Disappointed, Bood thought to himself that if they did this style of video again, he wouldn’t just make people laugh, he would break the internet.
Dykstra came next. He had trouble containing his own excitement, and water threatened to spill out of his mouth as he reached into his own bag. Fortunately, if water were to spill out, it would have been okay — it wouldn’t ruin anything, given that he brought a child-size inflatable pool. At Harris’ cue, eyes around the room flung open. Hayden broke first, hands on his knees, laughing. Boyle and Bood immediately followed him. Of course, it was the dads of the team, Evan thought to himself. Water drenched the floor, and some of the pool's plastic even got wet. However, the real surprise came when Dykstra and the team saw the real victims of his kiddie pool: Hayden’s pants. When he bent down to laugh, water must have poured from his mouth, dropping immediately on his crotch. It left the impression that he had an accident. Witnessing this unfortunate turn of events suddenly became the highlight of Ilya’s day… month… year… Ilya was a goner. He was immediately on the floor, laughing so hard that he himself was on the verge of having an accident and having a matching stain with Hayden. In that moment, the whole team broke. Water spewed from their mouths, soaking them all. Bodies dropped to the floor. Sounds of gasps for air filled the locker room. Even Harris had tears pouring down his face. Minutes later, the laughing spell hadn’t broken. The Centaurs could not calm down. Shane was snorting, Troy was bent over laughing, and Ilya remained on the floor wheezing.
Harris knew this was going to have to be a two-video series (or more given how this went)… The boys needed a few minutes off camera to get themselves together. Shit, he needed a break.