Chapter Text
The New York Admirals @NYAdmirals
The New York Admirals will take to the ice as scheduled tomorrow night at 7:30 P.M. EST. Please see the official website for more details.
9:08 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 444.1k retweets | 500k likes
…
Scott Hunter
12 June 2017, 09:13
Sorry I missed you last night. Thanks for your message, Dave. It meant a lot.
It’s what you’ve done that’s meant a lot to a lot of people out there.
And I don’t mean to overstep
I played hockey myself back in university
I know how it can be
You gonna be okay with that team of yours?
To be honest, there’s a lot of teams in the League where I’d be worried. Luckily the Admirals isn’t one of them. I’ll be fine.
Glad to hear it
Happy to know that there are teams out there like that
…
lusciousplums reblogged backyardigansbutgood
backyardigansbutgood
“oh me oh my why didnt the admirals stand up to the nhl” you dumb whores they are the nhl
backyardigansbutgood
talking to you people is like having to explain that Santa isn’t real to an emotionally unstable first grade class on endless loop. okay.
There is no secret shadow lord of the nhl. like. there sort of is because Roger Crowell is the fucking worst but it’s not like he just sits in his dark palace giving out edicts of malicious design and throwing darts at a picture of david hollander.
He doesn’t have some absolute stranglehold on the NHL. He couldn’t have done something like this on his own. The teams are backing him.
First off—an nhl hockey team is not its players. it’s just not. Every last one of those fuckers can be replaced or traded or blacklisted. Being a professional athlete is the closest thing we have to being sold to one direction. You can be the most dedicated player on the team and still one day you may wake up and find out that fuckin’ Seattle bought you so pack your shit and leave your jersey at the door because your new owners need you by next week. None of those guys you see on the rink makes decisions for the actual team.
Every single one of those teams is owned by some bored billionaire or conglomerate whatever who bought that team as the upper echelon’s version of an investment property. They are the landlords and the players are just the schmucks who could get evicted from the property if they paint the walls without asking.
Every single team’s owner gets a position on something called the Board of Governors. 32 teams. 32 governors. They employ the Commissioner to act as a sort of CEO. But the actual owners with the real power are the teams themselves. They can hire the commissioner and if they want they can fire him. The commissioner has a lot of power but it’s not absolute.
Crowell went after the three biggest stars in the entire fucking League. He has Rose Landry Queen of the Most Psychopathic Fanbase In Existence coming after him with a boycott. A potential strike is brewing. There is absolutely no way that the NHL board of governors didnt convene over this. If this is still happening, it means that the board of governors approved it.
Now, maybe some of them voted against this and got outvoted. That doesn’t mean they’re going to fucking break ranks with the rest of the NHL. If one team did that and lost, the rest of the board could potentially force them to sell their team.
So no. The New York Admirals is not be gay david standing up to hockey Goliath. Because the team, the actual intellectual property that is the name the New York Admirals, those guys are hockey Goliath. They are not going to hit themselves in the head with a rock. I don’t care how many times they tweeted hockey is for everyone after Scott Hunter came out.
I don’t know what else to tell you. the promise ring meant nothing. The ny admirals werent really going to marry you they just wanted to fuck you. selling you rainbow jerseys for $300 pre-tax with the words “the gayest team in the nhl” on them did not make them #allies. They didn’t really want you to have rights; they just wanted your money.
So for Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, and Scott Hunter to win this, they don’t just have to beat Roger Crowell. They have to beat the ownership of every single team in the NHL.
thedreamofmillions
oh
backyardigansbutgood
Yep.
807 Notes
#nhl boycott #do I want gay david to kill hockey goliath YES OF COURSE I DO #but will they??? #their odds are not great #<prev tags #neither were David’s
…
Hank Watches Hockey @hockeyhank
Ilya Rozanov, planning on how he’s going to throw the game with his secret boyfriend: okay so first we wait until it’s the playoffs and we force the game into three overtimes and your goalie leaves the net and then I’m going to run the puck the entire length of the rink and dodge four of your teammates to score and then you’re going to catch the puck midair with your stick and fire it back the ENTIRE LENGTH OF THE RINK and become the only person in nhl history to score a goalie goal without actually being a goalie. you know. so we can cheat.
Shane Hollander: no that’s too obvious. Why don’t I toss in a three foot vertical leap over your collapsed teammate just to throw people off about how we need to cheat to win
[Video: A clip from the official broadcast of Game 1 of the 2015 playoffs. The Boston and Metros face off in the TD Garden arena. The score is tied 4-4.
ANNOUNCER 1: “And we are back and going into our third overtime.”
ANNOUNCER 2: “Fans are looking pretty restless.”
ANNOUNCER 1: “Well it’s been a hell of a game. Course, it always is when you’ve got Hollander and Rozanov sharing the ice.”
The camera zooms in on Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov facing off in the center of the rink. The puck drops.
ANNOUNCER 1: “And Rozanov wins the face off.”
ANNOUNCER 2: “He does not want to give up the title this year.”
ANNOUNCER 1: “And anyone who’s been following Shane Hollander’s career knows that there’s no one on the ice who wants to take it from him more.”
On the rink, the Metros and the Raiders fight fiercely for possession of the puck. Several minutes pass without a goal.
ANNOUNCER 2: “This is outstanding.”
ANNOUNCER 1: “I know, it’s—“
ANNOUNCER 2: “For the second period straight, coaches from both teams have decided not to switch their lines.”
ANNOUNCER 1: “Oh, they’re switching, Jim. They’re just not switching out Rozanov or Hollander.”
ANNOUNCER 2: “Hell of a gamble to wear out your best players on a third overtime.”
ANNOUNCER 1: “It’s a gamble but it may just pay off. I don’t think either team wants to pull one and leave the other unchecked on the ice. Not when we’re in sudden death.”
ANNOUNCER 2: “This may be the most high stakes game of chicken I’ve ever seen.”
ANNOUNCER 1: “Well if Hollander or Rozanov are feeling it, it doesn’t show.”
ANNOUNCER 2: “No it does not. These two men have been dominating the rink tonight. We’re seeing two titans facing off, and neither is going down easy.”
ANNOUNCER 1: “Wait, what’s this—“
ANNOUNCER 2: “Something’s happening on the Montreal bench.”
One camera zooms in slowly on Montreal Metros’ Coach Theriault. He gives a nod.
On the ice, the Metros’ goalie breaks from the net.
ANNOUNCER 1: “Oh my God, we’ve got—”
ANNOUNCER 2, talking over him: “I didn’t see that comin—”
ANNOUNCER 1: “The Metros goalie has left the net.”
ANNOUNCER 2: “That’s probably the biggest gamble we’ve seen all game—especially with Rozanov on the ice.”
ANNOUNCER 1: “The Metros are looking to end it.”
ANNOUNCER 2: “Looks like Rozanov had the same idea. He’s got the puck—”
On the ice, Rozanov snatches the puck out from under J.J. Dagenais right before he’s able to send it into the Raiders’ net. He turns sharply and charges towards the unattended Metros’ goal, weaving masterfully past Patrice Drapreau in the process.
ANNOUNCER 1: “ROZANOV’S TAKING IT ALL THE WAY.”
Hayden Pike and Gilbert Cormeau both bolt frantically towards Rozanov in an attempt to intercept him. With a twist of his stick, he shoots the puck past them, weaves through the narrow gap between their bodies, and comes out the other side in time to reclaim the puck.
From the opposite side of the rink, Hollander barrels after him.
ANNOUNCER 2: “HOLLANDER’S ON HIS TAIL.”
ANNOUNCER 1: “I’m not sure if even Shane Hollander is fast eno—“
Rozanov rears his stick back to shoot. Hollander charges forward to intercept. Before he can get there, Cliff Marleau trips and falls on the ice in front of him.
ANNOUNCER 1: “THIS MAY BE GAME—”
Hollander’s skates leave the ice.
He jumps over Marleau’s prone body, landing hard on his left foot. As it starts to give out under him, he throws his stick up just in time to catch the puck on its blade before it passes the goal line.
ANNOUNCER 2: “IS HE—“
Hollander pivots his body hard and whips the puck back towards the Raiders’ goal. It soars across the entire rink’s length like a rocket and slams into the corner of the net. The Raider’s goalie looks behind himself in shock.
The crowd explodes.
ANNOUNCER 1: “OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD.”
Hollander’s leg gives out. He lands hard on the ice. The camera zooms in on his face. He looks stunned.
In the stands, the audience begins to scream his name.
ANNOUNCER 2: “WHAT WAS THAT? WAS THAT—DO WE EVEN CALL THAT A GOALIE GOAL?”
ANNOUNCER 1: “I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I’M GONNA CALL THAT HISTORY. THAT WAS—“
Hollander tries to clamber to his feet. Before he can fully stand, his teammates swarm him.
ANNOUNCER 2: “You should feel it in the stadium tonight. It’s—”
ANNOUNCER 1: “Oh it’s electric.”
ANNOUNCER 2, laughing: “Shane Hollander is not a popular man in Boston but I don’t think there’s anyone here who isn’t cheering for him right now.”
Hollander stands at the center of his teammates, grinning madly. Pike has both arms thrown around him and is shaking him back and forth. Dagenais is scuffing his helmet in excitement. Cormeau has one arm thrown around his shoulders and is pounding him on the chest. Every single one of them is smiling.
ANNOUNCER 1: “Well, there may be one person.”
One of the cameras pans to focus on Rozanov, who is helping Marleau up from the ice. He isn’t looking at him. His stares after Hollander with a heated expression.
Behind him, Victor St-Simon skates up and pats him consolingly on the back. Rozanov shakes his head. He claps a few times slowly, still staring after Hollander. There’s a wry look on his face.]
10:17 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 444.1k retweets | 500k likes
snakes @assdfght
wait what
11:34 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 13.7k retweets | 32k likes
darryl green @dargreen
im sorry which one of them is supposed to be the one that was trying to lose
11:59 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 99.1k retweets | 140k likes
Hank Talks Hockey @hockeyhank
@dargreen Legitimately I think that most of the people I’ve seen who buy into the NHL’s bullshit excuse don’t actually watch hockey. Because “they had an undisclosed personal conflict” sounds real enough to make you think maybe there’s something to it, but it completely falls apart if you have even a baseline awareness of the crazy bullshit Hollander and Rozanov have been pulling against each other on the ice. All of their games are like this by the way.
12:32 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 1.1M retweets | 1.9M likes
-> @scotthunterofficial, @kippitydooda @therealhaydenpike, @rose_landry, @CMarleauRaiders, and @thehockeysaint retweeted
the noble potato @burner1349
Hey @Carter_Vaughn are you gonna say anything about Scott Hunter calling a strike that you’re not bothering to join??? No? Aren’t you two supposed to be best friends or something??
8:02 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 19 retweets | 34 likes
the noble potato @burner1349
How about you @JJDagenais?? You gonna talk about how the rest of your team stabbed your friend in the back and you stuck with them??? or are you too busy living it up as their captain now that shanes out of your way
8:07 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 11 retweets | 27 likes
Tatum McGee @tmc_gee
As someone who didn’t watch hockey before this but who spent time with people who watched hockey this hollanov thing is SO FUNNY. for the past seven years every single hockey fan I know has been like “I may be a straight man but I’d pay real american dollars just to lick the sweat off Shane Hollander” and you’re mad at Ilya rozanov for actually doing it??? it’s hard to see other people living your dream ig
10:49 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 13.1k retweets | 17.9k likes
Tyler Landry @tyler_landry
It is but I try to bear it with grace
1:32 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 82.1k retweets | 101k likes
Tatum McGee @tmc_gee
SIR YOU NEED TO STOP ILYA ROZANOV’S GONNA TAKE A HIT OUT ON YOU
1:59 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 32.3k retweets | 78k likes
shane hollander’s boyfriend @ilyarozanov81
[Image: Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander sit side by side in a press conference before the 2011 All Stars’ Game.]
Many people got mad at my Shane on this day because he jump in and steal some of my questions. Call it unprofessional. Use it as another big example of rivalry.
I was still not very good at English back then. I was very scared because I am very smart in Russian but would look stupid having to do first ever press conference in English and understanding next to nothing. my Shane realized what was wrong and answered first so I do not look stupid. Would tap his foot against mine beneath the table so I would know not to be afraid. He was very embarrassed that day so I would not be. You all see rivalry but was just Shane taking care of person he did not even know so well yet
7:30 P.M. | 13 Jan 2018 | 1.7M retweets | 3.1M likes
jake @j_ash1
So this post sent me down a rabbit hole because I remember this. we eviscerated Shane Hollander for this when it happened. I remember being pissed because it came off as so disrespectful and petty. I could not BELIEVE this was him trying to help Ilya Rozanov. And with everything I’ve been seeing online I don’t know what to believe anymore so I decided to go rewatch this interview. And guys.
I don’t know if there ever was a rivalry.
11:13 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 10.9k retweets | 17.5k likes
jake @j_ash1
I pull up a clip of this on YouTube and the first thing that hits me is how weird this all is. They’re both rookies. Neither of them are the captain of their teams. And this was hyped up as the biggest interview coming out of all stars weekend. It got the prime time coverage spot. They were running promos for days leading up to it.
For anyone who hasn’t watched all stars, it’s pretty rare to even have rookies on the main all stars team. Like, sometimes the NHL will feature rookies at some point during the weekend to showcase up-and-coming talent but won’t give them a spot in the main game. It’s fucking weird that these two are here at all. But to have them do an interview like this? This should have been their team captains.
11:15 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 93k retweets | 107k likes
jake @j_ash1
Less then five seconds into the clip and the announcer says, “the theme for this year is team Hollander versus team Rozanov” and then laughs and says it’s really team North America v team Europe and then both of the announcers start joking about how it was all such an unsubtle effort by the nhl to get these two back in each others faces bc they don’t miss an opportunity for that. And guys??? They’re definitely not wrong.
11:16 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 32.7k retweets | 67k likes
jake @j_ash1
All star players aren’t supposed to compete in every all stars event. Before this happened the nhl changed the fucking rules of all stars weekend so they could shove Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov in every single event. Not even Scott Hunter was in every event and he had been the biggest star in the league for the last ten years atp. I can’t remember there being more than fifteen minutes of broadcast that they didn’t manage to shoehorn one of those two into. The NHL 100% made the theme of this weekend “those two rookies who normally wouldn’t even be invited.”
11:17 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 127.1k retweets | 201.9k likes
jake @j_ash1
Thirteen seconds in and it’s immediately apparent that Rozanov is struggling. He has long pauses after every question. Most of his answers are one word. He’s really good at playing it off though. It seems obvious now that we have other interviews with him and we can see how he acted after his English improved but back then it sorta seemed like he was doing a “cool silent type” thing and we all ate it up.
11:18 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 79.6k retweets | 99.4k likes
jake @j_ash1
Twenty seconds in and all I can think about is how poorly this event is set up?? I speak two languages and learning a second language is fucking hard, guys. Even if you know what a word is, a lot of the time you need the audio to be really clear to understand it while you’re still learning. Things like different accents, background noise, slurred speech—they all throw you off so badly. It took me 10x longer to understand music in my second language because everything else going on in the background makes comprehension a nightmare even if you theoretically know all the words
11:19 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 115.1k retweets | 278k likes
jake @j_ash1
The NHL got the worlds shittiest most staticky microphones for this event. There’s a bunch of people whispering over each other in the background. They’ve got a million lights pointed straight in these boys’ eyes so rozanov can’t even read their lips to help himself.
They could have given him an earpiece hooked up to the audio so he could hear it clearly. Better, they could have given him an earpiece hooked up to an actual interpreter so he could at least fully understand the question even if he still needed to answer in English. They didn’t give this boy ANYTHING and the reporters are no help. I swear to god every single question is so long and convoluted that it takes like fifteen seconds to get out.
11:20 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 250.1k retweets | 375.6k likes
jake @j_ash1
Forty-three seconds in and it is SO OBVIOUS that Shane Hollander is helping Rozanov out that I feel stupid for not seeing it back then. You can definitely see Rozanov’s eyes dart to Hollander multiple times before he jumps in on a question. And Hollander keeps watching Rozanov out of the corner of his eye to see if he needs help. Half of Rozanov’s answers are some variation of “what he said” or a rephrase of the answer Hollander just gave. Rozanov is 100% telling the truth this entire press conference went down the way it did because the nhl hung rozanov out to dry and Hollander stepped up to help him
11:22 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 444.1k retweets | 500k likes
jake @j_ash1
A minute and thirteen seconds in and some of the press are getting frustrated at Hollander for jumping in on so many questions. They keep specifying that they want Rozanov to answer. He’s still doing it. He looks so stressed but he’s still doing it.
11:23 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 111.1k retweets | 175.7k likes
jake @j_ash1
Shane Hollander had one of the cleanest images in hockey before the leak. this press conference triggered the closest thing he ever had to a scandal before right now. He ended up issuing a public apology for “unsportsmanlike conduct.” And all he was doing was fixing a problem the nhl caused by sticking some 19 year old kid who only started learning English 2 years prior in front of a press scrum with no interpretive services. And the only reason why he had to do the press conference to begin with was because the nhl was so freakishly obsessed with them that they modeled all star weekend around them
11:23 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 276.9k retweets | 350.3k likes
jake @j_ash1
I honestly don’t think you can understand the unprecedented amount of hype that the nhl leadership poured into the Hollander/Rozanov rookie season unless you were watching back then. The nhl was kind of dead before their draft. Scott Hunter was on another dry spell. there weren’t any other standout players. The goal per game averages had been majorly down for years. Like straight up we all call the time before rozanov and Hollander the dead puck era because that’s how fucking dead hockey was. iirc the nhl was rumored to be in financial trouble because of how low public interest had dropped
11:25 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 300.1k retweets | 401.6k likes
jake @j_ash1
Then these two fucking kids in junior leagues start making such big waves that they end up both getting pretty major followings before the draft. Hollander and Rozanov were the most talked about prospects on the planet in at least ten years. The NHL had their sights locked on these two as the saviors of hockey months before their rookie season and they did not hold back on the promos
11:26 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 101.2k retweets | 203.6k likes
jake @j_ash1
They made both of them the faces of CCM. They forced them to film that stupid ad of them charging each other and then they put that ad on the Jumbotron during every game in the entire league. They had them on posters facing off on the walls of every nhl official store. The NHL official website had a running point counter of just rozanov and Hollanders goals for the season on their home page so everyone could follow along with their “ongoing face off.” Like we called it rivalry fever and it was one of the most exciting seasons that I can remember
11:28 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 157.8k retweets | 232.9k likes
jake @j_ash1
I know we’re all talking about how this is an epic romance or whatever but honestly the more I think about it it sounds like they were trapped in a fucking horror movie.
11:29 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 300.5k retweets | 397.6k likes
jake @j_ash1
Imagine you’re 18 and you’re both hundreds of miles from home. One of you barely speaks the language. You fall in love and you can’t tell anyone because no one will understand.
Then suddenly you’re swept up in a billion dollar machine that’s decided you’re the most important cog in its works. They put your name on tshirts they shove you in front of cameras they model their all stars weekend around your existence. And that billion dollar machine decides that you have to fucking hate the person you fell in love with. And if anyone finds out youll be separated forever and one of you will be sent back to a country where your existence is illegal and you’ll probably be killed.
So you just. Go with it. What other choice do you have?
11:31 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 497.1k retweets | 582.5k likes
jake @j_ash1
I’m not going to lie—I was a little pissed when I found out. Because I'd been peddled rivalry bullshit for the last seven years and I felt like I’d been hustled. But the more I think about it the more I think the nhl put a fucking gun to their head and told them to dance for the cameras.
11:33 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 52.2k retweets | 93k likes
jake @j_ash1
Players don’t get a commission on any of their official merch btw. Every single cent of that rivalry bullshit went straight into the NHL’s pockets. I didn’t know that until this morning. Because everyone was making it sound like Hollander and Rozanov were both cutting fat checks off a lie. They weren’t. They never saw that money.
If the rivalry was made up, I think it’s because the NHL made it up. Rozanov and Hollander didn’t have anything to gain from doing it because they weren’t the ones profiting.
11:35 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 501.1k retweets | 763.2k likes
girl(s) on fire @janetb18
@ilyarozanov81 can you confirm any of this????
11:58 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 53 retweets | 107 likes
the dog from airbud @acconunt8766
@janetb18 he’s not going to answer lol he’s too busy beating off his man’s suitors with a stick
12:32 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 13 retweets | 32 likes
…
yesteryearistomorrow
friendly reminder that Scott Hunter forced his way into another team’s locker room just so he could try to help the guy living through the exact thing he feared for 15+ years preserve what little dignity he could and then Shane Hollander’s own teammates fucking took that from him too. Scott Hunter said you are Shane fucking Hollander and no one is taking that from you tonight and then his own teammates did it anyway. I don’t give a fuck what anyone says as far as I’m concerned they aren’t getting ENOUGH hate
1,257 Notes
#shane Hollander #FUCK the metros
number24 reblogged rozanovslut
drpenguin
The longer we go without hearing anything out of @hollanovofficial the more I think the shock of being right just fucking killed them
tomatopassport
The longer we go without hearing anything out of @hollanovofficial the more I think that it was ilya rozanovs secret side blog the whole time
3,017 Notes
#hollanov #girl where are you #come back you were right #sorry we canceled you for the toxic ship they’re actually adorable together #you saw what we couldn’t #hollanovofficial were you Ilya rozanov all along it’s okay you can tell us #he would tho #no one ships Ilya Rozanov with Shane Hollander harder than Ilya Rozanov
leafleafleaf reblogged eggshellbrew
windinthetrees
okay so I have spent the last two days watching every single game ilya rozanov and shane hollander have ever played with each other and i have come to the conclusion that there is no possible way they were trying to lose.
I cannot say the same thing about every single other player on their teams
302 Notes
#the Montreal metros really are not good enough at hockey for the reaction that they’ve had #like you’ve got ONE GUY on your team who is any fucking good and THATS the guy you gang up on?? #if anything you should have offered to suck his dick #like what’s the plan here guys #/he scores all of your goals/ #lol honestly what if both teams have been trying to lose for years and these two guys have been #single-handedly dragging them to hockey infamy this whole time. which sounds stupid until you see them play #the audacity of accusing the one good player on your team of throwing games #pov you’re actively trying to lose and there’s one freak of nature on your team hauling your ass into multiple cup wins #shane Hollanders that one kid who did all the work on the group project
deepdishpizza reblogged nineyearswednesday
hollandernation
[Video: A title card reading: F*CK MARRY KILL — NHL Edition. The title card cuts to the New York Admirals’ Matti Jalo in a tux on a red carpet. He appears to be at the NHL Awards.
“We’re gonna play what?” he laughs, into the microphone.
The scene cuts to J.J. Dagenais in a charcoal grey tux. He folds his arms over his chest and nods. “Eff, Marry, Kill. And I can pick anyone out of the NHL?”
The scene cuts to Cliff Marleau standing with Victor St-Simon. Marleau wears a black tux. St-Simon wears a burgundy tux.
“[BLEEP], Marry, Kill?” repeats Marleau. “With who? With each other?”
From off camera, the reporter says, “You can pick from any other player in the NHL.”
St-Simon laughs.
The scene cuts to Gilbert Cormeau. He grimaces. “No—there are kids who watch this.” He shakes his head. “I don’t, I don’t think it’s appropriate to use that kind of language at this kind of event. No, no thank you.”
The scene cuts to Carter Vaughn, leaning towards the reporter to listen. He pulls back and laughs. “Eff, Marry, Kill?” he repeats. “One sec—” He turns off camera and waves someone off-screen over. “Hey, Scott—”
A bemused Scott Hunter enters the frame.
“Play with me,” Vaughn tells him. “Eff, Marry, Kill.”
Hunter looks immediately uncomfortable. He covers it with a nervous laugh. “Eff, Marry, Kill? With who—with people in the League?”
“You can pick out of anyone in the League,” says Vaughn. “C’mon, it’ll be fun.”
Hunter’s smile is slightly strained.
The scene cuts back to Jalo.
“Okay, so I’m gonna kill Ilya Rozanov,” he decides.
A picture of Ilya Rozanov flashes in the corner of the screen. The scene cuts.
“Kill Ilya Rozanov,” says Dagenais, nodding.
The same picture flashes.
The scene cuts back to Marleau and St-Simon.
“You know, Cap’s been making us do a lot of six am practices lately,” Marleau jokes, glancing at St-Simon out of the corner of his eye.
St-Simon cackles. “You think him for kill?”
“Don’t tell him we said that,” Marleau says, glancing at the camera.
“We love you Cap,” says St-Simon. He sounds teasing. “We just don’t love the early drills.”
“He’s gonna see this and move them to five am.”
“Oh my God, he is.” St-Simon bounces a bit. “Which means it’s already too late to save ourselves. Kill Ilya Rozanov. Sorry, Cap.”
“Sorry, Cap,” repeats Marleau, with a chagrined smile.
The image of Ilya Rozanov dings in the corner of the screen.
The scene cuts back to Vaughn and Hunter.
“Rozanov,” says Hunter, immediately.
“Oh yeah, that one’s easy,” says Vaughn. “Ilya Rozanov for kill.”
Rozanov’s image flashes.
The scene cuts back to Jalo.
“For marry,” he muses, leaning back on his heels. “I think—maybe Shane Hollander from Montreal? I’ve met him a few times. He’s a nice guy.”
In the corner of the screen, Shane Hollander’s image flashes.
Far in the background, Ilya Rozanov is talking to a reporter. At the mention of Shane Hollander, his head snaps in Jalo’s direction.
The scene cuts to Dagenais.
“Marry’s easy,” he says. “Shane Hollander.”
Rozanov is still in the background, slightly closer this time. He is talking to a different reporter.
His head swivels in Dagenais’ direction.
The scene switches back to Jalo.
“I just feel like his house would be super organized,” explains Jalo, arms folded over his chest. “He really seems like someone who runs a tight ship.”
It cuts back to Dagenais.
“His house is so organized,” Dagenais tells the reporter. “Oh my God. You would never be looking for socks because he has them labeled in separate bins based off of the occasion.”
It flips back to Jalo.
“He seems to have it really together whenever you see him,” he continues, scratching his head. “You’d always have your taxes filed on time with him.”
The image returns to Dagenais.
“You travel with him, he has all the passports.” Dagenais ticks it off on his fingers. “He knows when the next train is; he knows when you need to leave to get to the next place on time; he knows the fastest route to get there. He has four back up routes if something is wrong with the first route. He’s the most reliable guy I know. He’d definitely never forget your anniversary if you married him.”
The scene cuts to Marleau and St-Simon.
“Marry,” says Marleau, lips pursed. “I, I feel like I could marry you.”
“Yeah, let’s—we get on pretty well,” agrees St-Simon. “We’ll marry each other. Let’s go with that.”
The scene cuts to Hunter and Vaughn.
“Marry.” Hunter hums and taps his foot. “Uhhh… huh.”
“Wow,” says Vaughn, slapping Hunter’s chest with the back of his hand. “You need to think about this? And here I thought we were friends.”
Hunter seizes on it immediately. “You want to be friends with the person you marry.”
Vaughn jokingly takes Hunter’s hand and starts to sink to one knee. “Cap, I know it’s all so sudden, but will you marry m—”
Hunter starts laughing.
The image returns to Jalo.
“For—let’s not say that word, let’s, let’s say, uh… make love to”—Jalo winces—“I have to pick someone?”
“You do,” confirms the reporter. “It can be anyone. It’s no big deal.”
The scene cuts to Dagenais.
He leans his head back thoughtfully. “I almost want to say Cap again,” he says, mulling it over. “I feel like if we like—guns to our head, we had to, I feel like he’d do like, research in advance so at least we’d know what we were doing. Like he’d Google it at least. I have to pick someone else though, right?”
“You can pick Hollander again if you want,” says the reporter.
“Oh, okay, then. Shane Hollander.”
Shane Hollander’s photo flashes again.
The scene returns to Jalo.
“Let’s just, let’s just go with Carter Vaughn from my team.” Jalo shrugs. “He’s pretty chill. I feel like we wouldn’t have to talk about it after.”
A photo of Carter Vaughn flashes in the corner of the screen.
The scene cuts to Hunter and Vaughn.
“We already picked each other for marry, so we can’t—”
“We have to pick someone else,” agrees Hunter. He rocks on his feet. “Uhhh, I’m, I feel like… Hollander would probably be okay about it.”
Ilya Rozanov passes through the background of the shot. He glares daggers at the back of Hunter’s head.
“Oh, yeah, Shane Hollander’s great,” agrees Vaughn. “He’s a solid guy. And you know he wouldn’t kiss and tell, so…”
The photo of Shane Hollander flashes across the screen.
“I feel like you could just shake his hand about it after,” says Hunter, tugging at his collar. “And uh, maybe watch the game or something.”
“Yo, didn’t, didn’t Cosmo just decide he’s the sexiest man in the NHL?” Vaughn starts laughing. “Hey, he’s a major pull now. You can brag about that. ‘I slept with the sexiest man in the NHL.’”
Hunter smiles. He still looks uncomfortable.
The scene cuts. Marleau and St-Simon are pondering furiously.
“Wait, wait, I got it,” says St-Simon. “You have to hear me out though.”
“Okay, okay,” says Marleau. “Lay it on me.”
“Hollander. Hear me out—“
Shane Hollander’s image flashes in the screen’s corner.
“The nightmare from the Metros?” Marleau laughs in disbelief. “He’s already a pain in the ass. You want to make that literal?”
“Hear me out,” insists St-Simon. “Purely mercenary, hockey didn’t work out so well, I got a lifestyle I need to maintain—”
“Oh I get it,” says Marleau, in dawning realization. “Like in a sugar daddy way—“
“That guy has to be loaded,” agrees St-Simon. “I feel like every time I see him his entire body is sponsored.”
Marleau cackles. “You’d never have to work again.”
In the distance, Ilya Rozanov is staring murderously in their direction. He pulls out his phone.
“Even if it’s just a one night stand, I feel like he’d be elegant about it,” jokes St-Simon. “Like I feel like he’d give you a watch or something to remember him by.”
“He’s got all that Rolex money,” says Marleau. “Yeah, he’d”—As he speaks, he glances at his smart watch. His face immediately twists with horror—“Practice is at four-thirty now.”
St-Simon grabs his watch to look at it. He looks hunted.
“Did Cap hear us earlier?” he whispers.
The scene cuts. Shane Hollander stands before the camera in a black tux.
“Eff, Marry, Kill?” he says, smiling. “People have really been playing that?”
Off-screen, the reporter tells him, “They all picked you.”
“Everyone picked to kill me?” Hollander asks in disbelief.
The reporter laughs. She doesn’t say anything.
Hollander becomes apprehensive. “Everyone picked to kill me, right?”
The scene cuts again. Hayden Pike stands before the camera, dressed in a midnight blue tux.
“Wait, really? Oh my God, that’s great. Yeah, I’ll play. One sec—” He turns off-camera to wave someone over. “Hey, Shane, come do this one with me.”
From off-screen, Shane Hollander says, “Please don’t make me go back over there.”
The scene cuts back to Hollander by himself.
“Uh, I guess I’ll marry my buddy Hayden Pike,” he says, nodding a bit. “But uh, he’s already married, so we’re gonna say maybe I was his first spouse and he left me for his one true love. And I wasn’t even upset, because he and his wife are great together.”
An image of Hayden Pike flashes across the screen.
“For eff—” He laughs uncomfortably. “You know what, eff’s a very broad term. There’s a lot of different meanings to it. So we’re gonna say Ilya Rozanov. Eff that guy. You can decide what sense I mean that in.”
Ilya Rozanov’s image reappears on the screen.
“And kill?” asks the reporter.
“Oh, Shane Hollander,” says Hollander, without hesitation. “No question. Lock that one in.”
The scene cuts back to Hayden Pike. Shane Hollander reluctantly joins him on camera.
“Hi again,” he tells the reporter.
“Did you already play?” asks Pike.
“Yeah, I just played.”
“Well, help me play,” says Pike, patting him on the shoulder. “So, for marry—I mean, we’re basically already married.”
Hollander laughs.
“On the weekends, I’ll like, I’ll text him and be like, ‘Do you want to go the children’s science museum with me and my kids?’” explains Pike, to the camera. “And he’s always like, ‘Yes, man, absolutely.’ He’s already like their back-up dad.”
“I don’t want to get between you and Jackie,” laughs Hollander.
“Well, maybe, maybe Jackie’s, Jackie’s met someone els—no I can’t put that into the universe. And I can’t kill her off either, ‘cause that’s, that’s—”
“I said that maybe you left me for her.”
“Yeah, but I’m not that kind of guy though,” says Pike, shaking his head. “And c’mon. Who’d ever be stupid enough to let go of a catch like you?”
Hollander laughs. It sounds strained.
“Okay, okay, I got it,” says Pike. “Maybe it’s like, like an Interstellar-type situation—”
Hollander nods with understanding. “Space needs Jackie.”
“Space needs Jackie and she asked me to remarry for the sake of our kids,” says Pike. “Of course, I would ask you.”
“I’ll accept,” says Hollander.
Pike claps him manfully on the shoulder. “You know what, I do gotta say, you’re the only right answer to this question.”
Hollander stares directly into the camera with panicked eyes.
“No, really, please, will someone marry my buddy?” says Pike, to the camera. “I can’t believe he’s still single. I’m gonna pitch him to you—”
“Please don’t pitch me to them.”
“I have to,” insists Pike. “I want you to join me in domestic bliss, man! C’mon, ladies, he is such a catch.”
Hollander laughs nervously. “I’m not—”
“The Sexiest Man in the NHL, right here,” continues Pike, slapping him on the shoulder. “He’s neat, he never leaves his socks lying around, he’s so respectful, and he’s great with kids—like someone please snap him up already.”
“I’m not looking,” Hollander interjects, with a warning glance to the camera. “Just, uh, really busy with the season right now—”
“He thinks he’s in love with hockey,” Pike complains. “But somewhere out there is a very lucky woman who can change his mind. I’m gonna put out applications one day. I’m serious.”
“Okay, okay, back to the game. We’re married,” says Hollander, bumping Pike’s shoulder with his own. “What about eff?”
“I mean, I could never cheat on you—”
Hollander laughs so hard that he walks off camera.
“It would set a bad example for our kids,” insists Pike. “So I gotta pick you for that too.”
“The second one is also for the kids,” wheezes Hollander. He rejoins Pike on camera. “Okay, okay. Kill?”
“Oh, Rozanov. Easy.”
Hollander shakes his head. He’s smiling. “Okay. Good game. I’m gonna—”
Ilya Rozanov stalks onto the screen. He smiles broadly at everyone. “So much laughter over here. You must be playing a very fun game.”
Hollander tries to leave. Rozanov immediately steps behind him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. He keeps one hand possessively on Hollander’s chest.
Hollander looks into the distance with a thousand-yard stare.
“Stay, stay,” says Rozanov, still smiling. He ducks his head to angle his next words towards Hollander’s ear. “Is my turn.”
“Uuhhh,” says the reporter. “Okay. Sure. Eff, Marry, Kill. You can pick out of anyone in the NHL.”
“I see.” Rozanov straightens. In the process, he tugs Hollander more firmly into his side. “There is a right answer to this game, of course.”
“There isn’t any—” Hollander starts to say.
“No, there is,” insists Rozanov. “One best answer.”
Pike eyes him warily. “Why don’t you—”
Rozanov talks over him. “You [BEEP] my good friend Shane Hollander, of course.”
Hollander stares directly into the camera with dead eyes.
Pike says, “Dude.”
“What? There is no shame in this. Shane Hollander is a very beautiful man.” Rozanov’s hand comes up to grip him by the jaw. Hollander looks surprised. Rozanov tilts his head to show off his jawline to the camera. “Cosmopolitan says so. Second most beautiful in the whole NHL—after me, of course. They get some things wrong.”
Hollander shoves Rozanov’s hand off his face. Rozanov grins madly at him.
“How about you just—” Pike starts.
“You picked him too, did you not?” baits Rozanov. He turns his grin on Pike. It looks threatening. “I think maybe everyone picked him.”
Hollander has the look of a man who is trying to shut down his own organs through sheer force of will.
“Pretty much,” agrees the reporter, laughing.
“See? He is very hot commodity. I am just agreeing with popular opinion.”
“He picked you for eff, though,” she continues.
Pike looks horrified.“What?”
Rozanov’s entire face lights up with unfettered glee. “You want to [BLEEP] me, Hollander? Should I give you my room number, maybe?”
Hollander shoves off his arm. “I said it was open to interpretation.”
Rozanov immediately slings his arm back around Hollander’s shoulders. He is still grinning. “Oh, I think I know exactly how you want me to interpret it.”
“I don’t think this game requires any touching,” interjects Pike.
Rozanov ignores him. “For marry, there is also only one right answer. You pick Scott Hunter.”
A photograph of Scott Hunter flickers in the corner of the screen.
Hollander looks at him with an odd, quizzical smile. There’s barely perceptible edge to it. “You’d marry Scott Hunter?”
“Of course,” says Rozanov. “Is very obvious why. Scott Hunter is very old man. Close to death. I never even have to touch him because he dies of old age right after vows. Then, I take all of his money back to my long-time lover, Shane Hollander, and marry him next.”
“I don’t think you have to pick two marrys,” says Pike.
“Yes, but you have to lock down hot commodities like Shane Hollander,” says Rozanov. He jostles Hollander teasingly. Hollander looks miserable. “Is that not right?”
“Just pick your kill,” he replies, withering.
“Hayden Pike,” says Rozanov, immediately. “He knows what he did.”
“What?” demands Pike. He looks offended. “I super don’t.”
Hollander pushes Rozanov off him with a laugh. It sounds forced.
“Fun game, guys,” he says, without much sincerity. He turns to walk away. Pike seizes the opportunity to sweep into the space by his side, cutting off Rozanov.
Before the camera cuts to black, Pike can be heard saying, “What a weirdo.” The video ends.]
HE'S SO JEALOUS EVERYONE PICKED SHANE HOLLANDER INSTEAD OF HIM
dingdongbitch
is anyone going to tell Hayden Pike’s wife that he’s in love with Shane Hollander. And so is the rest of the NHL apparently
mountainbeachhouse
all of these nhl stars getting sent into heterosexual panic by this is hilarious. Oh if we MUST pick SOMEONE to have sex with because you put a GUN TO OUR HEAD and we must FUCK OR DIE then of course we will all immediately agree that the answer is Shane Hollander with such detail that it’s obvious we’ve thought about it before. not because he’s so hot that it’s made headline news, no. Just because he’s such a chill guy to watch the game with after. I’m not gay by the way.
like don’t worry so much scott hunter I don’t think anyone’s going to challenge your fragile male straightness because you played a party game
mountainbeachhouse
In light of recent events I would like to withdraw some of my previous statements.
hollandernation
HE WAS JEALOUS BUT FOR DIFFERENT REASONS. HAPPY PRIDE FOLKS.
yurtdigest
it’s not pride month???
hollandernation
IT FUCKING IS NOW
73,777 Notes
#hollanov #joining the petition to make January also be pride month in honor of the gay hockey players #happy gay hockey player January guys it’s been great #i don’t know about you guys but I’m pretty fuckng proud #also HES SO MESSY OML #ilya really said you shall NOT have my man’s name in your mouth #as someone who didn’t watch hockey before this it’s been such a rollercoaster #two days ago the world said ‘this is Shane hollander he’s the greatest hockey player of all time and every single person in the world is in love with him’ #and nothing has changed that impression since #rozanov’s fighting for his life out here #THE LOOK ON HIS FACE when he found out he was Shane’s fuck #you know he took that man back to his hotel room and cracked him like a glowstick #real talk tho this is kinda sad #like I remember when this made rounds and we all laughed at Scott Hunter for being so obviously afraid of getting called gay for this #like no HE WAS AFRAID OF GETTING CALLED GAY AS A CLOSETED GAY MAN #theres 3 confirmed queer men in this video and 2 out of 3 of them were absolutely terrified #the third was Ilya rozanov #i don’t think hes scared of anything except maybe Shane hollander finding a new man #anyone who thinks it isn’t that bad in the nhl should have to watch this.
…
Hank Talks Hockey @hockeyhank
Ilya Rozanov, planning on how he’s going to throw the game with his secret boyfriend: Read More…
10:17 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 444.1k retweets | 500k likes
boston cup run next season ig @raiders12
I am a confidently straight man. I am an AVOWED Raiders fan, which, until recently, meant spitting whenever anyone said the name Shane Hollander. Reevaluating that one in light of recent events.
I was lucky enough to see game 1 of the 2015 playoffs in person. And when I say that there is not a single person in that arena who would not have let Shane Hollander take them in manful fashion after seeing him do this. Myself included.
12:32 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 113.7k retweets | 278.9k likes
Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders
honestly hes not wrong
1:47 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 321.9k retweets | 501.6k likes
Brad Hammersmith @HammersmithTime
CLIFF YOU CANT SAY THAT
2:01 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 57k retweets | 92.3k likes
Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders
What??? We agreed to stop hating Hollander now that he’s our step captain and admittedly this was sick as fuck
2:12 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 101.3k retweets | 198.1k likes
Brad Hammersmith @HammersmithTime
CLIFF YOU CANT SAY THAT ABOUT CAPS MAN
2:15 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 63.5k retweets | 97.8k likes
Cliff Marleau @CMarleauRaiders
I can’t be proud of my boy for bagging a bad bitch?? im sorry I thought this was still america
2:17 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 321.6k retweets | 401.8k likes
Victor St-Simon @thehockeysaint
great job cliff you’ve fucking killed us
2:59 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 32.1k retweets | 49.2k likes
Hank Talks Hockey @hockeyhank
@dargreen Legitimately I think that most of the people I’ve seen who buy into the NHL’s bullshit excuse don’t actually watch hockey. Because “they had an undisclosed personal conflict” sounds real enough to make you think maybe there’s something to it, but it completely falls apart if you have even a baseline awareness of the crazy bullshit Hollander and Rozanov have been pulling against each other on the ice. All of their games are like this by the way.
12:32 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 1.1M retweets | 1.9M likes
it’s jackson @j_phillips789
Wrong. There is one Boston v. Montreal game in their careers wherein Hollander and Rozanov so woefully underperformed that only one goal was scored the entire game and for weeks after everyone talked about how it was the shittiest game of their careers.
And it was when Shane Hollander was dating Rose Landry.
4:28 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 87.3k retweets | 173.9k likes
Rose Landry @rose_landry
whoops
6:15 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 501k retweets | 881.9k likes
Hank Talks Hockey @hockeyhank
Ilya Rozanov, planning on how he’s going to throw the game with his secret boyfriend: Read More…
10:17 A.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 444.1k retweets | 500k likes
pineapple express @account_7
OFFICIAL NHL ANNOUNCERS: obviously the only man in Boston who hates Shane Hollander right now is Ilya Rozanov
*hard cut to Ilya Rozanov eye fucking Shane Hollander from across the rink*
5:09 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 3.9k retweets | 11.2k likes
barbecue birthday @burner1238
honestly have we considered that maybe the nhl didnt find out because they’re fucking stupid
6:39 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 2.9k retweets | 5.2k likes
January Jones @janjones
WAIT I REMEMBER THIS
THE DAY AFTER THIS HAPPENED ILYA ROZANOV POSTED SOMETHING TO HIS INSTAGRAM AND THEN DELETED IT THE SAME DAY
IT WAS SO PETTY THAT I SCREENSHOTTED IT
AND
7:11 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 1.1k retweets | 5.9k likes
January Jones @janjones
[Image: A screenshot of an Instagram post. The pictures reveal a close-up photograph of a wooden bed frame in a brightly lit room. There is a distinct, splintered crack down the center plank of the frame.]
ilya rozanov • 3 June 2015
time to find a stronger bed
amberp77 girl you’re so BITTER
y_adams “shane hollander may have kicked me out of the playoffs but can he do THIS” *has sex with a woman*
dwoodall you’re laughing. somewhere out there there is a Slavic supermodel who can’t walk because of shane hollander and you’re laughing.]
THEY BROKE THE BED
7:13 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 421.3k retweets | 689.1k likes
Raiders’ Ryan @RCarmichael
you know some days I really wish I knew less about cap and hollander
9:14 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 66.8k retweets | 91.2k likes
…
[Image: An Instagram slide show. The first slide reveals a pair of wedding rings held in a hockey glove.
The second slide reveals a pair of skates laid next to a pair of dress shoes.
The third slide reveals Gilbert Cormeau in his wedding tux. He isn’t looking at the camera. Instead, he is looking down to button the cuff of his sleeve. Behind him stands seven groomsmen, all in the process of buttoning their jackets or sleeves. One of them is Shane Hollander.
The fourth slide reveals Gilbert Cormeau at an altar. He is kissing a blonde woman in a wedding dress. They are flanked by bridesmaids and groomsmen. Shane Hollander is second in the line of groomsmen. He is smiling broadly at Cormeau.]
montreal metros • 11 July 2016
On the important days, you want your team at your back.
Congrats to the Metros’ own @gcormeau on his marriage!
gcormeau Best brothers in the world are the ones I found on this team. Love you guys.
shanehollander Love you, brother. Congrats.
…
_janebees_ he was in your WEDDING??
[Video: An Instagram reel opens to Carter Vaughn walking through the empty halls near the Admirals’ locker room. He is dressed in a navy suit and carrying a bouquet of marigolds.
“Cap’s got a special boy,” Vaughn explains to the camera, sing-song. “And the team finally gets to meet him properly.” He holds up the bouquet. “I plan to make the best first impression of cour—”
He walks into the locker room. The rest of the New York Admirals are already there waiting for him. All of them are wearing suits. All of them are holding a bouquet of flowers or a bottle of wine. In the back of the locker room, Matti Jalo is holding a four foot tall stuffed bear wearing a New York Admirals jersey.
“—ah [BEEP],” says Vaughn.]
the admirals • 23 June 2017
they’re a little nervous.
Hope @KipGrady likes flowers!
scotthunterofficial Again, it’s casual dress.
cartervaughn cap we can’t impress your man in JEANS
[Image: A mother and father stand with their young son by an ice rink. The son wears a black and blue jersey with a cartoon shark on its front. He is holding a hockey stick in his right hand.
The mother has a baby swaddled in her arms. All three of them are grinning broadly. The son’s smile shows off a missing front tooth.]
joe brady • 11 Oct 2016
Can’t believe Shane just played his first hockey game today! Team Canada, watch out for your next hockey star!
yasmineasting Joe, how do two figure skaters make a hockey player?? You should have told him that he found the right place but the wrong sport!!!
joebrady haha he wanted hockey! Who knows, maybe his sister will take after me and Aisha!
joebrady We named him after an old buddy of mine who plays hockey. It’s probably fate!
…
jan_childress11 hey @joebrady did you name your kid after Shane Hollander???
jan_childress11 i think i saw you in his dad’s phone…
…
Jimmy Kimmel Live! @JimmyKimmelLive
Anyone else hearing a lot about hockey lately? We sat down with @scotthunterofficial for an inside scoop.
[Video: Jimmy Kimmel sits at his desk on the set of Jimmy Kimmel Live. He asks the crowd, “Any hockey fans in the audience tonight?”
The audience cheers.
“I feel like everyone’s a hockey fan all of a sudden,” he says, laughing a bit. “Well, there’s a lot to be a fan of! The rush, the fights, the romance…”
The audience cheers louder.
“I know there’s a lot back and forth online about what’s going on in the NHL right now, so I thought we’d sit down with a man in the know. He’s a New Yorker himself, he’s the captain of my favorite hockey team, everyone, please welcome to the stage Scott Hunter,” says Kimmel, clapping.
Scott Hunter enters the stage to thunderous applause. He is dressed in a tailored navy suit.
He settles down in the guest chair. After the audience applause dies down, there is a beat of silence.
“So how’s hockey?” asks Kimmel.
“You know, I’m playing a lot less of it right now than I thought I would be,” says Hunter.
The audience murmurs.
“Okay, elephant in the room, you kickstarted a boycott against the NHL following Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov’s suspension. The NHL says that it’s because they didn’t disclose their relationship, you say that’s not true. Why?”
“I mean, first off, the NHL doesn’t require you to disclose relationships,” says Hunter. “They seem to really be pushing this narrative that there’s some policy that was breached, but there just wasn’t. Every relationship I’ve ever had before my current one was a secret—one cared. And I can tell you for a fact that the rest of the NHL is not calling the Commissioner’s Office every time they find a hook up. If the question is, ‘Why didn’t you tell us?’ the pretty clear answer is, ‘You never asked.’”
“But I think more of the claims are about this idea that Rozanov and Hollander were potentially rigging games for each other because of this secret relationship. Could there be something there?”
“I mean”—Hunter rolls his eyes—“c’mon. Have you ever seen those two play against each other?”
“They’re pretty aggressive,” agrees Kimmel, laughing a bit.
“For years, the NHL has been selling tickets to Boston-Montreal match-ups at the same price scale as tickets to the playoffs because they know that Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov have never given each other an inch in a game. Now, suddenly, they want to claim that they’re throwing those same games. It’s ridiculous.”
“There’s something else I was curious about with this boycott—the NHL released its statement at 9:39 A.M. You posted yours two minutes later.”
Hunter nods. A beat passes. The two of them stare at each other.
“Do you just type really fast?” prompts Kimmel. The audience laughs. “Did you know it was coming, did the boys tell you…? C’mon, Scott, give us something.”
“Well, they didn’t have to tell me,” says Hunter. “You know, the Commissioner’s Office was so quick to leak that they had a meeting with Shane and Ilya that morning, I was a little surprised when they didn’t bring up the fact that I was called in five minutes later.”
The audience murmurs.
“That’s news,” says Kimmel, leaning back in his chair. “And what happened at that meeting?”
“You know, I’ve been advised by legal counsel to not reveal much at this time,” replies Hunter. He nods a bit. “Our team’s been doing great work trying to reason with the League, and they’ve asked us to keep the details confidential so that they can do their job. All I can say right now is that it was strongly suggested that if I did not publicly back the NHL’s decision to suspend Shane and Ilya, this would be my last season playing. And you know, I wasn’t planning for this to be my last season, and I sure wasn’t planning to spend it boycotting the sport I dedicated my life to, but this isn’t about me anymore. It isn’t even about Shane and Ilya—it’s about every kid who has ever felt like they did not have a place on the ice simply because of who they are. And if I have to lose the rest of my career, it’s going to be so the next generation can have one without fear.”
The audience claps approvingly.
“Tomorrow’s the first time the Admirals take to the ice since it happened. Do you know if…?” Kimmel gestures vaguely.
“Oh, I’m totally cut off from all that stuff now—orders from on high. The Commissioner’s Office put a freeze on talking to any of us—me, Hayden, Shane, Ilya. I think the entire Raiders’ team too. I haven’t spoken to anyone.”
Kimmel nods sympathetically. “Shane and Ilya, these last few days must have been a whirlwind for them. How are they feeling?”
“You know, I don’t want to speak for them,” says Hunter. “They’re very private people, and with how much of their private lives got exposed in the hack—I’ll just say that they’re fighters and they’re gonna get each other through this.”
“You were a little bit exposed in the leak too, weren’t you?”
“Uh, yeah.” Hunter nods. “Just my phone number, thankfully. I’ve had to change it—if you messaged me, I’m sorry, I didn’t read it, there was, uh. There was a bit too much for that.”
“For me, at least, it was a little surprising to see you in there,” say Kimmel. “Do you give your number out to the dads of everyone in the League?”
“You know, it’s kind of funny,” says Hunter, laughing a bit. “For the longest time, I forgot that I gave Dave my number.”
“How’d that come about?”
“So, I don’t know if you know this,” says Hunter, to the audience, “but Shane Hollander made a little bit of a splash with his rookie season.”
The audience cheers and claps. One of them whistles sharply.
“Well, I was aware of him before we really met—honestly, I don’t think there was anyone who wasn’t aware of Shane Hollander back then. At that time, I’d had one game against him, which, you know. He kicked my ass—“
The audience laughs.
“We both end up getting selected for the 2011 All Stars team, and I was set to be Shane’s team captain.”
“Right, right,” says Kimmel, nodding.
“Shane and I were both brand partners for Reeboks, so I find myself at the same promotional event with him and his parents, right at the beginning of All Stars’ weekend. He’s off being photographed”—he gestures broadly—“somewhere. And I decide to go up and introduce myself to his parents.”
“Sweet of you.”
“Well, Shane was just about the youngest person I’ve seen make it into the League, other than Ilya. Most people’s rookie seasons, they’re, you know, twenty-three, twenty-four, and this kid is nineteen and already at the top of the charts. It’s a lot of pressure for someone who’s just out of high school, and I feel, you know—”
“Responsible.”
Hunter nods in agreement. “Right—I’m gonna be his team captain, so I figure I should make the effort to meet his parents and let them know I’m gonna look out for him during All Stars. And I think his dad, I think he was a little worried about him, because he gave me his number just in case anything happened.”
“Did Shane know he did that?”
Hunter snorts. “Oh, God no. Can you imagine?”
“I don’t think any NHL player wants to know that their team captain is texting their dad about them—”
“Exactly,” says Hunter. “So All Stars happens, entire team gets invited to a house party one night, and Shane was, you know, underaged—”
Kimmel sounds delighted. “You told his dad on him?”
“There was nothing to tell.” Hunter laughs. “I look over and I see Shane in the corner nursing a can of ginger ale and”—he mimes a shoving motion—“shoving coasters under people’s drinks. So I text him, I say, ‘Dave, he’s just fine.’”
The audience laughs.
“But that wasn’t the last time you texted with David Hollander.”
“No, no, there were two other times. I, uh, I don’t have my phone with me on the ice so I don’t know which match it was, but at some point during the 2011 All Stars I finished competing in something, and Dave, he texted me, ‘Great job, Scott. I’m so proud of you.’”
The audience laughs harder.
“That’s such a dad move,” says Kimmel, clapping.
“Right? And there I was like, ‘Uh… thanks, Dave…’” Hunter shakes his head. “He, uh, he sent me this really heartfelt text after I came out. I’m not gonna go into what it said—I guess people can see it for themselves now—but it was, you know, a little surprising, but it meant a lot to me.”
Kimmel nods. “So, when you came out, you knew you weren’t the only one in the NHL.”
Hunter gives a chagrined smile. “You know, I had a bit of a clue that I wasn’t.”
Laughter starts to rumble through the audience. Kimmel hurriedly flaps his hand. “We’ll get there.”
The audience laughs harder.
Holding back his own laughter, Kimmel says, “Right, you found out at the 2011 All Stars.”
“So, when you’re a professional athlete, a shocking amount of your life gets recorded. And I realized the exact moment that I found out about Shane and Ilya got caught on camera.”
The audience screams with deafening cheers.
“Get your mind out of the gutter,” shouts Kimmel, waving them down. “That’s not what he meant.” He double takes. “Unless—”
“No, no,” says Hunter, shaking his head. “You know what, I brought the tape, so why don’t we roll it—”
The image is replaced with footage from the 2011 All Stars game. Shane Hollander steps back to the bench, having completed the shot accuracy competition. As the commentators discuss his rookie season, the camera lingers on Hollander talking with Ilya Rozanov from the other bench. Scott Hunter is in the corner of the frame, sitting next to Hollander. Rozanov gets up and skates quickly past where Hollander sits.
As he passes, Hunter’s eyes widen. He slowly turns to stare at Hollander with an odd, awe-struck expression. The footage abruptly cuts to another event.
The image returns to the set of Jimmy Kimmel Live. Kimmel is clapping and laughing.
“The look on your face—“
“I was like, ‘These kids are so brave—‘“
“What on earth did they say?”
“So, I don’t think this would have meant anything to anyone other than me. They were having a totally normal conversation, and then right as Ilya skated past, I heard him whisper”—he drops his voice into a Russian accent—“‘1221.’ Which, uh, considering I was in room 1223—”
He is drowned out with applause.
Through his laughter, Kimmel asks, “Did you tell Shane you overheard it?”
“You know, I tried to slide into casual conversation that I was in the room next door to Rozanov hoping it would save me and, well—“ He shrugs.
The applause becomes thunderous.
“They’re athletes,” defends Kimmel, over the applause. It slowly quiets. “These two men are in very high demand. I think, you know, one of them, I hear, had a few million people who wanted a shot with him—“
The audience erupts back into cheering.
Kimmel nods to Hunter. “Did you apply?”
“No, no,” he says, shaking his head.
Kimmel is smiling. “Uh huh. Do you, uh, do you know anyone who applied?”
Hunter stares at him. Kimmel stares back.
Slightly quieter, Hunter says, “Yeah, uh, do you know any good florists, Jimmy?”
“You know what, I’ll text you a few.”
“I put an empty carton of milk back in the fridge today and Kip texted me, Shane Hollander would never do this to me, so I, uh, I don’t know if I should be worried—“
“I would be!”
“Right?” laughs Hunter. “But you know what, I’m not. Shane and Ilya, they’re, they’re great together. They’re amazing guys who have been in love for longer than I’ve known them, and I’m just sorry that they had to hide it.”
“I think we’re all sorry that they were put in that position,” agrees Kimmel. “You know what, Scott, we’re just about out of time. I’m sorry I won’t be seeing you in the game tomorrow night, but you know what? I won’t be watching it. And I encourage everyone else to join me in that. Scott Hunter, everybody.” The video fades to black, then is filled with the logo for Jimmy Kimmel Live!]
12:42 A.M. | 15 Jan 2018 | 545.3k retweets | 689.1k likes
…
Shane Hollander
30 Aug 2017, 20:13
Did you get home safe?
Still out.
Hayden wanted to grab dinner
And J.J.
J.J. too?
That’s good.
You two hanging out again?
Yeah
Yeah he’s been really cool actually
I think we’re good
Though he keeps trying to set me up some personal trainer he knows
He insists that we’d hit it off
You thinking about telling him that you’re spoken for?
30 Aug 2017, 23:57
I don’t know
Maybe
I just don’t want to make things worse again
…
Montreal Metros @theMontrealMetros
Tomorrow night, the Metros take on the Hydras at its home rink! See everyone on the ice!
7:39 P.M. | 14 Jan 2018 | 250k retweets | 175.2k likes
—> @JJDagenais retweeted