Chapter Text
Love in a City That Breaks You
Six months had passed.
The apartment hadn't changed, and yet everything was different.
The same walls. The same plants in the window. The same clay sculptures, some finished, others left unfinished.
The silence had taken on greater significance.
Lexa was standing by the table, putting on her jacket. Her movements were mechanical, precise, as if she were following a routine learned by heart. She avoided Rita's gaze, as she did almost every morning.
Rita, sitting on the edge of the sofa, had been watching her for a while. She hadn't said anything. Not yet. Her jaw was clenched, her fingers pressed tightly together.
"I'm going to the clinic." Lexa said simply, without turning around.
That was one sentence too many.
"Hell no."
Rita's voice snapped through the room. Lexa froze.
"It's been months, Lexa... Months since you've barely spoken to me, since you've touched me... Months since you've walked past me as if I were a piece of furniture."
Anger rose, raw and uncontrolled.
"What the hell did I do to you?! Tell me! I'm sick of this!"
Lexa finally turned around, surprised, unsettled.
"Reets, I—"
"No." Rita jumped up. "Let me finish. I'm sad too. I'm scared for Ivy too. I'm scared every day too. And I need you too. "
Her voice broke.
"Why are you pushing me away like this, damn it? Why are you doing this to me?"
The tears came suddenly, violently. Rita brought a hand to her face, then her legs gave way. She collapsed to the floor, on her knees, shaken by sobs she hadn't held back for too long.
Lexa stood motionless for a second. Then her face fell.
She fell to her knees in front of her, her eyes already flooded with tears.
"Because it's my fault, Reets..." she whispered, her voice broken.
"It's all my fault. As always."
Rita raised her head, red from crying.
"The Claws. Cheri." Lexa shook her head, as if to chase away her own thoughts.
"If I hadn't existed... Ivy would still be standing. She'd be with Vee. She'd be laughing. "
Her voice rose, torn.
"I blame myself, can you understand that?! I love you, but I only bring trouble. To you. To everyone."
She burst into tears, curled up, unable to meet Rita's gaze.
The silence lasted a second. Then Rita stood up abruptly.
She grabbed Lexa's face in her hands, firmly, forcing her to look at her.
"Do you really believe what you're saying?"
Lexa nodded, unable to speak.
Rita clenched her teeth, tears still streaming down her face.
"I forbid you to think that. Do you hear me? I forbid you. "
Her voice trembled, but she was firm.
"You're the best thing that ever happened to me. The best. And yet it's as if you're no longer here..."
She took a deep breath.
"And Ivy..." Rita let out a strangled laugh. "Ivy would have slapped you by now if she were here. And you know it. "
Lexa let out a sob that was almost a laugh despite herself.
"She would have looked you straight in the eye and told you you're a complete idiot for thinking that."
Rita rested her forehead against Lexa's.
"You don't just bring me problems. You bring me love. Light. Life. And I refuse to let you carry all that alone."
She held her close, tightly. Desperately.
"I'm here, Lexa. And I'm not going anywhere."
Lexa clung to her as if her life depended on it, finally crying uncontrollably, her heart broken but feeling a little less alone.
Lexa was still trembling when she spoke, her voice broken, choked up by everything she had been holding back for too long.
"I'm sorry, Reets... I can't do this."
She shook her head, tears streaming down her face without her trying to hold them back.
"I can't stop thinking it's my fault. All the time. I miss her so fucking much..."
Her fingers clenched the fabric of Rita's tank top.
"And I miss you too. So much."
She took a difficult breath.
"But I'm ashamed. And I'm angry. At myself, at the world... I don't even know anymore. I don't know what to do."
Rita felt something break inside her. She tightened her arms around Lexa, her voice low, almost pleading.
"I'm here, baby."
She rested her forehead against hers.
"Don't push me away, please. I can't take it anymore. I'm at the end of my rope."
It was too much for Lexa.
She literally collapsed against her, as if her legs had been waiting for permission to give way. Her arms wrapped around Rita, tightly, desperately, as she hadn't done in months.
"I'm sorry, my love..." she sobbed against her chest.
"Forgive me..."
Her body began to shake, shaken by deep, ancient, long-held tears. She snuggled up against Rita, seeking her warmth, her scent, the refuge she had denied herself for too long.
Rita rocked her gently, back and forth, one hand sliding through her hair, the other pressed against her back as if to prevent her from dissolving.
She placed a long, tender kiss on the top of her head.
"You have nothing to forgive yourself for."
Her voice was firm, grounded.
"Nothing." "
She continued to rock her, patient, present.
"I'm here now."
Another kiss, more emphatic.
"Let me be there for you. Okay?"
Lexa nodded weakly against her, unable to speak, but for the first time in months, she wasn't running away.
She was staying.
Rita simply ran both hands over Lexa's cheeks, gently forcing her to lift her head. Her thumbs wiped away the traces of tears, a gesture repeated a thousand times, a thousand times sincere.
"Do you want me to go with you to the clinic?" she asked softly, as if the answer were already written in the air between them.
Lexa took a breath, her chest trembling. Her eyes were red, exhausted, filled with the dull fear that had not left her for months.
"Yes... please."
Her voice broke at the end.
"I can't take it anymore, Reets. I can't take seeing her like this anymore."
She clenched her teeth, searching for words.
"Every day I go there thinking that maybe today..."
A sob escaped her.
"I want her to wake up. I want to hear her grumble, make fun of me, tell me I'm doing everything wrong..."
Her shoulders slumped.
"I don't know what to do anymore."
Rita pulled her close without hesitation, holding her tight, protectively, almost fiercely.
"Then we'll go together."
She spoke with calm, solid certainty.
"Like before."
She rested her chin on Lexa's hair.
"You won't carry this alone. Never again."
Lexa closed her eyes, letting herself lean against her, for the first time in a long time without resistance.
"Thank you..." she whispered.
Then, even more quietly:
"I'm so scared, Reets."
Rita kissed her temple, slowly.
"I know."
A breath.
"But look at me. "
Lexa looked up.
"You're not alone. And you never have been."
She helped her up, slowly, their fingers intertwined.
The pain was still there. Ivy hadn't woken up.
But for the first time in six months, Lexa wasn't facing this alone.
And that changed everything.
****
When they pushed open the clinic door, the familiar smell of antiseptic immediately enveloped them. The place was quiet, almost too quiet.
Vee was already there in the room.
Sitting on a chair that was too small for her, her back slightly hunched, her head leaning against the edge of the bed. Ivy slept, motionless, connected to machines that filled the room with discreet beeps.
Vee had dozed off like this, without really sleeping, as she had been doing for months.
Lexa squeezed Rita's hand a little tighter. A reflex. An anchor.
She gently placed the bag she had brought with her next to the chair. Inside was food for Vee. It had become their ritual. Vee hardly ate anymore, except when Lexa insisted.
And Vee never left Ivy's side. Never.
She categorically refused to leave Ivy alone.
Ten minutes passed in suspended silence.
Then Vee stirred. She opened her eyes slowly, blinked several times, before noticing the two figures near the door. She gave a slight, tired smile and nodded.
Then, leaning toward Ivy, she whispered softly, with the tenderness she showed only to her:
"You have visitors, my princess."
She sat up with effort, ran a hand over her face to chase away the fatigue, then stood up. Without saying another word, she approached Lexa and took her in her arms. A real hug. Strong. Firm.
"I see you've finally talked..." she said softly, stepping back a little, her gaze sliding over Lexa's reddened eyes, then to Rita's.
She nodded, as if satisfied.
"I'm happy for you, Lex."
She took a deep breath.
"There was no point in eating yourself up with guilt like that."
Her voice trembled slightly.
"She's going to wake up. I know it."
Lexa looked up at her, fragile, almost incredulous.
Vee continued, more confident, as if clinging to these words to keep herself standing.
"Vik told me it was only a matter of time. Days. Maybe even less."
She placed a hand on Lexa's arm.
"We're almost there."
Lexa felt a lump in her throat. She simply nodded, unable to speak, as Rita placed a firm, reassuring hand on her back.
Vik's clinic was bathed in that overly white artificial light that erases the hours. It was impossible to tell whether it was morning or night. Just the steady beeping of the machines, Ivy's assisted breathing, and the tense silence of those waiting.
Vee hadn't left the chair next to the bed for hours. Maybe days. She held Ivy's hand as if she were afraid it would be taken away from her.
Lexa watched her for a moment. Her features drawn. Dark circles under her eyes. Her fingers clenched.
She approached her gently.
"Vee..."
No response. Just a slight nod.
Lexa put a hand on her shoulder.
"Come on."
Vee frowned. "I'm not sure I—"
Lexa cut her off with a tender, almost maternal smile.
"Rest, Vee. I'm here. I'm watching over her. And you're not far away. If anything changes, I'll wake you right away."
Vee hesitated. Her gaze shifted to Ivy. Then to Lexa.
"I don't want her to wake up without me." "
Lexa gently squeezed her hand.
"She'll wake up with you. I promise. But she won't want to see you collapse from exhaustion next to her."
A silence. Then a sigh.
Vee finally got up, slowly, as if her body weighed a ton. She leaned over Ivy and brushed a strand of hair from her face.
"I'm not far, princess..." she whispered, her voice breaking.
She kissed her forehead.
"I love you."
Lexa looked away for a moment. It hurt to watch.
Vee walked over to a folding bed set up a little further away in the room. She sat down, still hesitant, then lay down without taking her eyes off Ivy.
Lexa took her place next to the bed.
She sat down.
Gently took Ivy's hand.
It was warm. Alive.
"Hey..." Lexa whispered. "It's me. "
She stroked her fingers with her thumb.
"Vee's getting some sleep. Someone has to be sensible around here."
A small, sad smile.
She remained silent for a few seconds, observing the bandages, the discreet implants under the skin, the fine line of scars.
"We miss you, you know..." she whispered.
The machines continued their steady rhythm.
In the distance, Vee finally fell asleep, exhausted.
Lexa squeezed Ivy's hand a little tighter.
"I'll stay. Like you did for me. Again and again."
And for the first time in a long time, she wasn't crying.
She was waiting.
The hours had slipped by without Lexa really noticing.
Rita had left for work. She hadn't wanted to interrupt this fragile moment. She had simply placed her hand on Lexa's shoulder briefly. Telling her she loved her.
Lexa had remained as she had every day since the Claws attack.
Ivy was still asleep.
Lexa sat in the chair, leaning forward, her elbows on her knees, Ivy's hand between hers.
"Wake up, sis..." she whispered in a broken voice.
She sniffed, wiping her nose with the back of her sleeve.
"I miss you, damn it. "
Her throat tightened.
"Who am I going to end up drunk with, dancing like an idiot to Samurai, huh?"
A nervous little laugh, which almost immediately turned into a muffled sob.
"Who's going to stop me from eating all the chocolate cake filling... Who's going to call me a bitch and laugh about it..."
She lowered her head, pressing her forehead against Ivy's fingers.
"Who's going to comfort me after a fight with Reets..."
Her voice trembled.
"I need you, Ivy. I need my sister."
Silence.
The steady beeping of the machines.
"I love you..." she whispered. "And I feel so bad."
Her breathing became irregular. She squeezed Ivy's hand a little tighter.
"If I hadn't been there that night... If the Claws hadn't had a reason to—"
A hand gently rested on her shoulder.
Lexa barely flinched.
Vee.
She had approached silently. Her features were drawn, but her gaze was clearer than before. Less wild. More grounded.
She crouched down next to Lexa.
"You don't have to blame yourself, Lex."
Lexa didn't look at her. Her eyes remained fixed on Ivy.
"It's because of me, Vee... The Claws... Cheri... All of it..."
Vee squeezed her shoulder lightly.
"No."
Her voice was low, firm.
"None of it is your fault."
Lexa shook her head stubbornly.
Vee crouched lower to be at her level.
"I know that. "
She paused.
"And Ivy would tell you exactly the same thing."
Lexa finally looked up at her.
Vee continued, more gently.
"Do you really think she would blame you? Do you think she would have taken four bullets thinking 'this is all Lexa's fault'?"
Silence.
"She charged in because that's who she is. Because she protects the people she loves. You. Me. The Moxes."
Vee's jaw trembled a little, but she held firm.
"She would have taken those bullets for any one of us."
Lexa felt her defenses cracking.
"I can't stop thinking that if I didn't exist—"
Vee cut her off, more sharply.
"Stop."
"If you didn't exist, Ivy wouldn't be who she is today."
She placed her hand on Ivy's chest.
"She loves you like a sister. You've given her as much as she's given you."
Then, lower.
"And me..."
Her voice broke slightly.
"I need you to stay standing. Because if you break down, I'll have no one left to remind me that she's going to wake up."
Lexa stared at her, her eyes red.
Vee took a breath.
"She's going to wake up, Lex."
She took Ivy's free hand, squeezing it gently.
"And the day she opens her eyes, I don't want her to find two wrecks destroying themselves."
A brief silence.
Lexa nodded slowly.
The evening light fell gently on Night City.
Lexa left the clinic and made her way to the fire escape at the back. The air was cooler than inside, heavy with humidity and the smell of metal. She lit a cigarette with a hand that was still trembling slightly.
She stared at the lights in the distance.
Then she made the call.
A few rings.
"Lexie?"
Emilia's voice was both hesitant and impatient.
Lexa took a drag on her cigarette, the smoke escaping slowly from her lips.
"Hi, Millie."
A brief silence, heavy with unspoken words.
"It's been a long time..." Emilia whispered. "Tell me... how's Ivy? Has she woken up?"
Lexa closed her eyes for a moment.
"Not yet."
Her voice was steadier than she would have thought.
"Vik says it's a matter of days. Her body is holding on. She's fighting."
Emilia exhaled slowly.
"She's lucky to have you."
Lexa smiled sadly.
"I'm the one who's lucky to have her."
There was a silence.
"And you?" Emilia asked more softly. "How are you really?"
Lexa crushed her cigarette against the railing and almost immediately lit another one.
"I'm fine..."
She corrected herself.
"I'm better."
Emilia understood that there was more to it than that.
"And Rita?"
Lexa remained silent for a few seconds.
"We... we talked."
Her voice trembled slightly.
"I thought I was protecting her... but in reality, I was pushing her away."
A nervous breath.
"She ended up exploding. And she was right."
A silence, then Emilia whispered:
"You still love her, don't you?"
Lexa let out a small, joyless laugh.
"I never stopped. That was the problem. I was ashamed. I felt like I was bringing nothing but chaos around me."
She looked up at the darkening sky.
"But she's still here. She stayed."
Emilia's voice softened.
"The people who stay when things get tough... those are the ones who really matter."
Lexa nodded slowly.
"What about you?" she asked in turn. "How are things in Eugene?"
Emilia let out a soft laugh.
"Yeah... Aaron still works too much. He says he'll slow down one day, but I'm starting to have my doubts."
A smile in her voice.
"And Noah wants to learn to play the guitar. Now that he knows his aunt is a rockstar."
Lexa smiled despite herself.
"He's adorable. He must have your stubbornness."
A more fragile silence followed.
"Lexie..." Emilia continued. "I know I can't erase the past. But I don't want to lose you again."
The word "again" weighed heavily.
Lexa took a long drag.
"You didn't lose me."
Her voice was lower.
"Never again, Millie."
On the other end, Emilia swallowed her emotions.
"I miss you."
A gentle silence settled in.
The city buzzed below.
"Lexie?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm proud of you."
Lexa felt her throat tighten.
She watched the smoke rise into the evening air.
"Thanks, Millie."
Lexa stayed outside for a few more seconds after hanging up with Emilia.
Night was slowly falling on Night City. The neon lights were beginning to flicker. She stubbed out her cigarette, hesitated... then made another call.
Rita picked up almost immediately.
"Yeah?"
The sound of Lizzie's in the background. Music, voices, glasses clinking.
Lexa swallowed.
"When are you coming, Reets?"
A brief silence.
"I'll be done soon, Lexa."
No Hika'.
No baby.
Just her first name.
Lexa felt something tighten in her chest.
She had grown accustomed to this distance over the past few months. She was even responsible for it. But hearing it like this... it hurt.
She took a slow breath.
"Okay..."
Her voice was softer than usual.
"Can you pick up some pizza on your way over? I'm afraid Vee won't eat unless we force her a little."
The sound of a chair being moved.
"Yeah, don't worry. I'll take care of it."
The tone was neutral. Not cold. Not warm either. Just... cautious.
Lexa nervously played with the sleeve of her sweatshirt.
"Thanks."
Another silence.
She could have hung up there. Like she had done for the past few months. Short. Functional. Emotionless.
But she stayed on the line.
"Reets..."
On the other end, a more attentive breath.
"Yeah?"
Lexa searched for words. She wasn't used to talking like this anymore.
"Be careful on the road. "
A small detail. But sincere.
The silence that followed was different.
Heavier. But less distant.
"Always." Rita replied, a little more quietly.
Then, after a second.
"I'll be there in twenty minutes."
There was something in her voice. Not yet outright warmth. But a crack in the wall.
Lexa smiled faintly.
"Okay."
She hesitated again.
"Reets..."
This time, Rita didn't answer right away.
"Thank you for... staying."
The noise from Lizzie's seemed farther away.
Rita exhaled softly.
"I never intended to leave."
It wasn't a passionate declaration.
Just a simple truth.
And that was enough.
Lexa felt her eyes sting.
"I know."
A pause.
Then Rita added, more softly:
"I miss you."
"Me too." Lexa whispered.
They hung up.
Lexa slowly descended the metal stairs of the clinic.
The smell of antiseptic made her throat tighten, as it did every day.
The light in the room was dim.
Vee was lying next to Ivy on the narrow edge of the hospital bed. One hand was slipped into Ivy's, the other resting on her stomach, as if to check that she was still breathing. She whispered softly.
"Remember when we used to steal burritos from 6th Street... huh, princess?"
Her voice was hoarse but tender.
"You always said I was terrible at distractions..."
Lexa approached silently.
She simply placed her hand on Vee's shoulder.
Not a word.
Just a presence.
Then she moved away and sat down against the wall a little further away. As if she didn't dare disturb the moment.
Vee turned her head slightly.
"You can stay, Lex."
Lexa shook her head gently.
"No... she needs her Vivi close to her."
The nickname floated in the air.
Vee froze for a second. Then a small smile escaped her. Her cheeks flushed despite herself.
"I love it when she calls me that." she whispered.
She snuggled a little closer to Ivy, her forehead against her temple.
Lexa watched them silently, her throat tight.
"Rita is bringing food." she said softly.
"And you'd better eat. Ivy will never forgive me if I don't take care of you."
Vee let out a tired little laugh.
She looked at Ivy.
"You've found a sister of gold, princess."
Her voice broke a little, but she wasn't crying. Not really anymore.
The pain had become more dull over the last few months.
Lexa looked away, moved.
A peaceful silence settled in.
Just the steady beeping of the machines.
Vee gently squeezed Ivy's fingers.
"You're going to wake up, right..." she whispered.
"We still have more crazy stuff to do together."
Lexa smiled slightly.
And for the first time in a long time, the wait no longer felt like just fear.
It also felt like love.
***
A few blocks away, night had fallen.
Lizzie's was noisy as always, the pink and blue neon lights pulsing softly against the facade like an artificial heart that never really stopped.
Rita was leaning against the outside wall, a cigarette between her fingers.
The smoke rose slowly into the humid air.
Judy joined her, two mugs of coffee in her hands.
"I figured you might need this."
Rita gave a tired smile.
"Thanks, Jude."
A comfortable silence settled in. Not awkward. Just heavy with everything they knew without needing to say it.
Rita took a drag, then let the smoke out as she looked up at the neon sign.
"We talked..."
Judy turned her head slightly toward her.
"Finally?"
Rita nodded.
"Yeah... finally."
She looked down at her leg. Her fingers unconsciously brushed the scar under the fabric of her jeans, where the Claws' bullet had pierced her six months earlier.
"I can take bullets..." she whispered with a joyless laugh.
"But not her avoiding my gaze."
Judy watched the gesture. She understood. All too well.
"I told you to be patient." she said softly.
Rita snorted.
"Yeah. You were right. I wanted to shake her up. I yelled and told her what was on my mind."
She paused.
"I needed to."
The distant sound of a car passed by on the corner. The neon lights buzzed.
"She still thinks everything is her fault." Rita continued. "The Claws. Cheri. Ivy. It's like she's carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders."
Judy stared at the street, her arms wrapped around her coffee.
"It's easier to blame yourself than to accept that the world is unfair."
Rita gave a small, sad smile.
"She collapsed into my arms. Like before. She hadn't touched me in months."
Her voice broke slightly.
"I thought I'd lost her, Jude."
Judy put a hand on her arm.
"She's still here."
Rita nodded.
"Yeah."
Silence fell again. Softer this time.
"What about you?" Rita asked. "Are you okay?"
Judy shrugged slightly.
"We're holding on. Lizzie's is safer than ever. V sleeps with a gun under her pillow. But we're holding on."
A smile passed between them.
Rita crushed her cigarette under her boot.
"She'll wake up."
Judy nodded without hesitation.
"Ivy's too stubborn to leave like this."
Rita looked at the Lizzie's sign one last time.
"When she opens her eyes... everything will be better."
Judy stared at her gently.
"No."
Rita frowned.
"It won't be 'better.' It'll be different."
She took a breath.
"But you'll be together. And that's what matters."
Rita was silent for a few seconds, then nodded.
"Yeah."
The pink neon flashed above them.