Chapter Text
The room’s darkness consumes you, wrapping its cold tendrils around your body as the seconds, minutes, hours pass. Erwin turned off his flashlight long ago to make sure there were no other reasons the infected would stay interested in the office. You did the same, and have since stayed absolutely silent until the moment comes to escape. Since then, the only senses you have at your disposal are touch and sound. Gargling, screeching, clawing, heavy breathing. Is that your own breath, or Erwin’s? Perhaps there’s someone else lurking just beyond the door. A survivor? Another freakish dead man walking joining the crowd? Do you want to find out, open the door and allow the infected to storm in?
The only thing you can see is the images and memories that flash in your mind. It’s always the same thing: flesh, blood, teeth, red eyes, bodies, terror, destruction, apocalypse. The world ended not too long ago- a few days ago, in fact. You should be dead, and perhaps you will be soon enough.
You’re barely holding it together. The warmth of Erwin sitting next to you is of little comfort. So to keep yourself from spiraling, you have to remember his words.
You’re strong.
You’re capable.
You’re resilient.
We’ll make it out of here.
It’s a constant mantra playing in your mind in between the gore and fear. You feel hope, then it’s squashed by your own imagination- a constant cycle of relief and fright.
How’s Erwin doing? You turn your head to his figure and instantly feel stupid for doing so. You can’t see in the darkness, so how the hell are you going to be able to see his expression? Stupid, stupid stupid…
How long has it been? An hour? Two, maybe? You can’t keep track of time very well, especially with fight or flight battling within you.
What will the rest of the group say about you when they realize you’re gone? Most likely, they’ll say you were a loner, closed off, and unfriendly. You didn’t go out of your way to be close with anyone at school. If you did, it was purely an accident. A lonely, dejected girl with a struggle story and a pathetic end. Maybe Reiner will be able to say something in your defense, but it probably won’t be much. You can practically picture the scene; everyone surrounds a campfire, their eyes dull with circles underneath them. They eat whatever Sasha’s caught and cooked up- or maybe Eren and Mikasa decided to cook together again.
She was a bitch to me at first, Reiner might say, but she was pretty cool in the end, I guess.
You can imagine Ymir responding with a simple Hmph, or maybe Annie would be more likely to disagree with Reiner.
No one else would contradict their displeasure, though, nor would they add anything to your story. It’s miserable anyway; what more would they be able to say?
You can see their wet faces glistening in the warm glow of the fire pit, but none of those tears would be shed for you. Who were you to them, anyway? Just a sour bitch with a chip on her shoulder. No, those tears are for Erwin- the true loss of the mission. The brilliant mind and leader who brought them all to safety. A dear professor whom everyone loved and respected, who taught them and encouraged them to explore the world.
And his death would be on your hands. Your silly affections, distracting him in a time of absolute concentration, would take him away from everyone who needed him. How dare you? How dare you be the one to bring about his demise?
You pause your thoughts for a moment, a loud, distant pop filling the air suddenly, making you bring your attention back to reality. Then, it’s silent. Completely silent. No more clawing, groaning, moaning, screeching… nothing. You feel for your empty wrist and listen to the still air.
Your chest tightens in anticipation, realizing that this may be your chance. The infected must’ve lost interest as predicted. Erwin seems to have the same thought as he shifts and gets up from his spot.
You follow suit, feeling your body crack and ache from sitting in the same position for so long. Or maybe it’s from the three-hour hike you took beforehand. Most likely a combination of both.
Erwin turns on his flashlight, and the sudden brightness makes you squint for a few moments before your eyes finally adjust to the light. Still no movement from the outside. Good.
You slowly grab your bags, making sure to keep your feet light on the floor so as not to make any abrupt noise. You lift the bags and heave one over your back, making sure both straps are on both shoulders. As you place the second bag on your left shoulder, Erwin pulls the chair back from the door and slowly puts his hand on the knob.
“Turn on your flashlight so I can put mine in my bag. I need a free hand to use my gun,” He whispers to you, his eyes staring straight into yours. He’s nervous.
Despite that, you do as you’re told. You take your flashlight into your right hand and turn it on. Erwin mouths a countdown to you.
3, 2, 1…
He opens the door quickly, aiming his rifle in front of him. Shaking, you shine your flashlight out into the stock room.
Nothing.
They’re gone, it seems, leaving behind a mess of small rotting chunks and days-old blood smudged along the floor. Between the smell of rotting human flesh and molding food, the stale air is barely manageable. With tears swelling in your eyes, you have to strain yourself to keep your body from convulsing at the stench.
Erwin pushes forward, scanning the room quickly as he moves. You follow behind closely, heart pounding in your chest as you try to keep your feet light on the ground. This is too weird for you to ignore, too abnormal to just look away and feel any relief. What was that popping sound earlier? Where did they go?
“Let's find the exit for the docking area and get the hell out of here,” Erwin whispers to you, and you nod in return.
With a quick scan of your flashlight along the walls, you spot a small Exit sign on the far right corner of the room. You want to mentally hit yourself when you see it; it was so obvious, how could you not have seen it the first time? However, whatever hope you may have had shrinks as you stare at the rows and rows of shelves and boxes standing between you and the only way out of this hell-hole. Some areas even have the metal shelves toppled over, leaning over each other and ready to fall with the smallest amount of added weight.
You forgot that this place is a maze. Maybe you’d have a better chance of going through the store again than getting lost or hurt among the shelves. With one wrong move, this could very easily become a death trap.
You look at Erwin, and he’s already staring at you. You can’t quite read his expression, but he must be thinking of the possibilities of each choice, weighing them against one another in his mind. What’s worse? The chance of getting trapped or squished between the heavy shelves, or facing a gruesome death at the hands of an overwhelming amount of infected?
A screech echoes within the store, making your blood run cold. One must have lingered and seen the glow of the flashlight from inside the store. At that moment, Erwin makes up his mind. He briskly heads towards the metal shelves. You have no choice but to follow.
As you and Erwin traverse through the labyrinth of products, you can’t help but cling to his shirt. You’re scared shitless, and you wonder how Erwin’s able to keep such a steady head. You try your best to keep your hand stable as you hold out the flashlight and light up the path in front of you. When you reach your first blocked path- a metal shelf that’s tipped over and is now leaning against another shelf- you have to steel yourself and turn around to find a new way out of the maze. Erwin indicates left, so you turn left. Then a right, and another right.
You momentarily pause to lift your flashlight and shine it on the exit sign. You’re a lot closer now, but not close enough to feel any kind of relief or cause for celebration. Just as you point it back down to the ground in front of you, another shriek echoes throughout the large department store. This time, however, it’s a lot closer- most likely by the swinging doors leading to this room. Sure enough, the two of you hear as the doors are pushed open, followed by the sound of croaking.
Erwin grabs your free wrist and tugs you along without a second thought. He’s desperate. You’re desperate. The two of you are practically caged animals, a feast ready to be devoured at any moment. You need to get out of here alive. Erwin takes a left. You need to make it back to the group. He turns right. You need them. You need to see the faces of your peers again, the only relief that you have during this god-forsaken nightmare.
Erwin turns right and stops almost immediately. It’s blocked by another tipped-over shelf with large boxes strewn about to further block your path. Another howl sounds out, and then the sounds of products shifting and falling to the ground. It’s in the maze. God, you want to cry. You want to curl up in a ball and give up. But you can’t. You’d be risking Erwin’s life by giving in to your despair. Even if you told him to just leave you behind, you have a feeling he would never do such a thing.
The screeching gets louder. The bastard caught your scent. No, not bastard. That’s a human being. How dare you think of them like that?
You can’t see it yet, but you don’t need sight to know that it’s hot on your trail. You look up. The exit sign and the door are just right there, blocked by the fallen shelf. You hear a few more distant pops just outside. You don’t have time to wonder what they are or where they’re coming from.
Another scream and gargle, and another. And another. More are coming in. They’ve caught on to the commotion. Swinging doors and sporadic footsteps- they’re catching up. Erwin slings the strap of his rifle over his shoulder, about to start moving boxes to get to the door, when an idea strikes you suddenly. You turn to one of the other stacked shelves behind you and begin pushing it. If you can get them to all fall like dominoes, the weight of all the products, boxes, and shelves may be able to crush the other infected coming through the maze. Or, at the very least, distract them long enough for the two of you to escape.
Erwin turns to see what you’re doing. He seems to immediately understand your plan, as he promptly starts helping right next to you. The two of you push, and push, and push until the heavy metal shelf gives way. It starts toppling over, hitting the next shelf in a screeching thud. As the shelves begin collapsing on one another, Erwin spins back to the shelf in front of the door and starts digging through the boxes and other objects to create a path out.
In between the shelves smashing against each other, you hear cries and squeals. Dust begins to cloud up the air, making it impossible to see even with the flashlight. You cough as your lungs fill with the stale air, a mixture of rot and grime. You look over to Erwin’s direction; he’s almost done exposing the door leading to your freedom. Relief washes over you.
A hand grabs your calf, and another grabs your wrist. You have no time to react before you’re dragged down to the floor by an infected. Your back slams into whatever is in your backpack, earning a yelp of pain as you turn your attention to the infected. Its mouth snaps at you, a toothy scowl plastering its face as it tries to nab even a small piece of your flesh. You scream as you contort and flail on the floor, trying your best to release yourself from its clutches.
It starts crawling on top of you, and your heart practically stops. The air around you suddenly becomes cold and stiff, time almost stopping as you gape at it- or rather, her. The infected is a girl, no older than you. Her bloodshot eyes simply stare into yours for a moment, her hunger dissipated. It’s only a second, but you swear you can see some kind of expression on her face. Pain? Sorrow? Horror? In a split second, she reverts to her original ravenous state and lunges for your face.
You hold out your arms and grasp her throat tightly as she unhinges her jaw. Her rancid breath hits you as she desperately snaps at your face. Fuck, what do you do? She’s got you pinned down, and you can’t hold on to her like this for long. You’re tired. So, so tired. Whatever strength you have now can give way at any second. You’re going to die.
The gun, your mind practically shouts at you.
You slowly retract one of your hands from the infected girl’s neck and reach for your hip. How could you have forgotten about the fucking gun strapped to you?
It takes some effort to reach for it and simultaneously keep the infected on top of you from devouring your face, but somehow you manage.
You hear Erwin shout your name desperately, his footsteps loud on the ground, as you place the handgun on the temple of the infected and pull the trigger.
The sound of the shot being fired so close to you is earsplitting. Your head rings as the infected girl goes limp over you, the gaping wound in her head oozing with a foul stench. You even spot pieces of brain matter scattered around you. You throw her body to the side, feeling nauseous as you sit yourself up. Erwin kneels next to you, his hands wandering over your body as he checks for wounds. Though muffled, you can barely hear him ask if you’re okay. You look up at him, your face feeling moist from a sudden stream of tears.
“I killed her,” You croak.
Erwin grits his teeth as he helps you stand up, “She was already gone.”
“No,” You protest, “I saw her in there. I fucking saw her…”
“Nervmind that. We need to get out.”
You hesitate, trying to process everything, but ultimately grab the second backpack that you had accidentally dropped before Erwin drags you to the door. When you finally find your footing, he’s already climbing through the gap he’s made between the shelves and boxes. You follow briskly, listening for any other movement from behind you. There’s nothing but distant wheezes and squawks. Erwin reaches for the doorknob as soon as he’s between the door and the metal shelf. It opens. You crawl out desperately as he grabs his rifle from his shoulder and brings it to his front. When you steady yourself on your feet, you grasp your handgun tightly and aim it in front of you.
Emerging from the stuffy enclosure of the department store, the cold air hits your face. It isn’t fresh, but it’s certainly an upgrade from the stale rotting of the store. The sun is nearly below the horizon; it’s getting darker by the second.
Erwin lowers his rifle as he glances around. There’s nothing but a couple of trucks- one flipped over- and wooden stacks and carts. No infected. The coast is clear.
For a split second, you feel relieved. Both of you have a clear way of escape. You can make it back in one piece with all of your supplies. For the first time in hours, you feel hope.
A rapid sound of gunshots rings out in the crisp air. It’s distant. You realize it must be the popping sound you heard earlier.
“It’s Levi and the others,” Erwin realizes. He turns his head behind him to look at you, but you’ve already steeled yourself, ready to help the rest of your group in their own escape. He turns back and starts heading towards the direction of the shots fired. You follow.
Both of you weave between cars, houses, and other smaller buildings, trying your best to avoid any more infected as you cross the town. As the minutes pass, it only becomes darker and darker until the atmosphere is a dim blue hue. During this, you hear two more shots go off. You can’t help but worry about Sasha and Annie specifically. You know damn well Levi can handle himself, and if he dies, it will be his own choice. But Sasha and Annie, although talented in combat and capable of surviving, are still relatively inexperienced. Would they really be able to escape in one piece?
Please make sure Annie doesn’t get hurt, Reiner’s voice echoes in your head.
You harden your resolve as you push forward alongside Erwin. You have an objective to protect Annie and Sasha to the best of your abilities, even if that means accepting your own death. A shiver runs down your spine at the thought. Will you really be able to accept something like that, though? Would you be able to trade your own life for theirs?
Yes, you conclude, because they’re more important and valuable than I’ll ever be.
By the time you and Erwin reach the rest of the group, it’s already insanely dark with just enough resonant light of dusk to make out shapes. However, it isn’t hard to see Sasha’s flashlight waving around in the dark. The three of them are on the top flight of metal exterior stairs that wind on the side of a two-storey building. Just below them, a crowd of infected has gathered. They’re trapped.
Levi takes another shot at one of the infected clamoring up the stairs. It goes limp, its body sliding down a stair or two before its weight settles. Annie uses her bat to swing and smash the frantic hands grasping at the metal, while Sasha continues to wave her flashlight down at the horde. Why isn’t she fighting like Annie? Surely she would be doing something to fend them off. She must’ve lost her weapon at some point, you realize.
You and Erwin stop in your tracks along the road. You need a distraction, something to draw the attention of the infected just long enough to allow the three of them to escape. Should this be your moment to become the sacrificial lamb? A miserable character with a miserable death- it’s fitting.
You shake your head. No, there has to be another way. You’d be risking Erwin, too.
The sound of Sasha’s shriek echoes in the air, and you look back at the scene. One of them has grabbed Sasha’s leg from below.
You have to think of something fast. You scan your gaze quickly at your surroundings. There’s nothing but cars, yards, and houses lining up the streets.
The cars. That’s it. If you can set one of the alarms off, the infected will be more interested in the sound rather than your friends. It’ll give them just enough time to get the hell out of here.
You glance back at Erwin momentarily before looking for the nearest car. He follows your gaze until he seems to understand what you’re implying.
The two of you sprint over to a red car on the right side of the street. It’s in pristine condition with only some handprints and smudges scattered around on the metal and glass.
“Get ready to run once the alarm goes off. I’m sure they’ll figure out that we’ve created the distraction and take the chance to run to the forest as well.”
You nod and immediately begin slamming the hilt of your handgun, using all of your strength to break the driver’s side window. Erwin does the same. Only after the first couple of swings do you realize just how risky it is to use the handgun to smash the glass, but you don’t have time to think too deeply or try a different way.
After the fourth slam of the hilt, the glass finally shatters, and the alarm blares only seconds after. Sure enough, when you look back at the horde crowded around Levi, Sasha, and Annie, they immediately notice the alarm blasting in the opposite direction and start going for it. Both you and Erwin sprint away to the other side of the street as they careen towards the car. You hope they hadn’t spotted you before you could leave. It’s so dark out that it must be impossible, with the only lights coming from Sasha’s flashlight and the blinking lights of the car.
By the time you’ve reached a safe distance, the infected are already piling on top of the car. They slam their fists and claw at the metal, craving whatever might be in there to feast on. It won’t be long until they realize that it’s nothing but bait. You look back at the building where the rest of your group was, and notice that they’re gone. You don’t see their darkened figures or Sasha’s flashlight waving about. They must’ve got the memo.
Erwin ushers you to the building as the last stragglers of the horde sprint to the blaring car in the distance. When you finally do make it to the structure, you feel a hand clasp on your wrist and pull you in. Suddenly, you’re being tackled, arms wrapped around you firmly. You stiffen, ready to thrash and fight off whatever’s got a hold of you.
A sudden voice whimpers next to your ear, “Thank you, thank you, thank you-”
It’s just Sasha. You can’t help but hug her back tightly, relieved that she’s safe. Annie appears behind her. Though you can’t see her face, her voice gives away her relief.
“You guys saved our asses,” She murmurs appreciatively.
“We don’t have time for this,” Levi’s voice cuts through the sentimental moment, “We need to get the hell out of here before those fucking creeps figure out your ruse and catch our scent.”
Erwin, who’s standing closely next to you, hums in agreement, “Sasha, take the lead.”
You let go of Sasha, and she makes her way past you to start the journey back. The rest of you follow without hesitation.
.
Just like the expedition to get to the town of Krolva, the journey back to your safe haven is done in complete silence. Well, sort of. Erwin and Levi discussed the outcome of this trip and the events that led to the giant attack.
Apparently, the infected tricked them when they entered a second grocery store and saw bodies lying around. They weren’t moving, so the three of them initially thought it was safe and someone had already killed them. Although Levi was suspicious, Sasha and Annie pushed forward. As they got closer, however, the bodies reanimated and started going after them, and consequently, alarmed more infected in the area.
God, these things are getting smarter. What a terrifying thought, you conclude to yourself.
Soon enough, they had a horde on their tail. Sasha almost got killed at one point during the initial scuffle and had to sacrifice her weapon to get out of there safely. You realized halfway through their conversation that the popping sounds that had aided in your escape from the department store were the result of their situation. Their demise was your distraction. You’re eternally thankful that you had an opportunity to save your own skin and live another day, but mortified that it had potentially risked the lives of your friends.
Is this how Erwin felt when Bertholdt died?
Other than that, all of you walk in silence for hours. Even if you did want to say something, you’re so exhausted that your mouth barely wants to move. You have to drag yourself around as you traverse the forest and hills with your group. A little while after stumbling in the forest, your group hears a creek up ahead. Sasha, already afraid that the infected might follow the group through scent, declares that you all need to spread the mud and grime bordering the water’s edge on yourselves to mask your odor. It’s smart, but incredibly inconvenient- especially in the dark. So now you’re exhausted, cold, and muddy as you run around in the pitch black of the night with only the glow of Sasha’s flashlight ahead of you. Fantastic.
It’s not just the physicality of the trip that makes you so tired, but also the emotional toll. The memories of the little boy- Falco was his name- and the girl that clamored over top of you in the department store have completely drained you, and simultaneously have made your head spin with questions. You know you saw something in her eyes separate from her yearning for flesh. Both of those infected rattled something inside of you.
After thinking about it for the three-hour hike back, you realize that you don’t have much of a desire or hope to live, especially after seeing the state of the world outside of the comforts of the cabin. What is the meaning of living, anyway? At least, what does it mean at this point, after the world has ended and nothing but blood and carnage carves your path? There’s no future, only survival. What happens when you don’t have any more goods or resources to scavenge like you did today? None of you know the old ways of living, except for maybe Sasha, but surely she must have forgotten by now. Besides, you can’t rely on one person forever.
And yet, despite all of this, the need to survive battles with this pessimistic attitude within you. You were so ready to sacrifice yourself on this trip, but when it came down to it, you found a different way to make sure that you got out, too. Is it primal, or a sign of something else you haven’t figured out about yourself? You’ve had enough time to think to yourself throughout the years of being alone, but never the will to actually think about your core self. Do you truly know who you are? Will this apocalypse finally show the real you?
You stop yourself, this train of thought is going to end up nowhere.
When you finally spot the light glow of the lanterns in the cabin, you let out a heavy sigh of relief. So does everyone else.
Before you can even approach the porch, the door swings open. Hange stands in the doorframe, eyes glued to Erwin and Levi as they walk up the stairs. She leans back and calls out to the cabin, announcing your return, then immediately bear hugs the two men, not minding the grime that’s being transferred from them to her. They hug back tightly.
“Thank fuck you made it back,” She practically weeps.
“What, did you think we’d fuck up?” Levi remarks sarcastically, but there’s a certain fondness to his tone.
“We’re home,” Erwin murmurs.
You smile for the first time today. Yeah, you’re home.
.
Word of a celebration floats around the cabin the next day, and is later confirmed when you spot a few of your peers milling about outside your window. Jean, Eren, and Mikasa create a bonfire while Historia and Ymir prepare the meal. Reiner, Armin, and Connie set places around the bonfire for all of you to sit. You haven’t been able to leave your bed all day, your muscles too sore to even sit up.
In between tasks, a few of them visit you in your room. You receive a couple of hugs from Historia and Armin, as well as an exchange of encouraging and thankful words. Reiner stays the longest out of everyone who has visited thus far, thanking you profusely for the stunt you pulled to save Annie and Sasha. Word must have gotten around.
Since last night, you’ve been barely able to move. It was a struggle to take a short shower to get all the mud and blood off you. When you glanced at your reflection in the mirror beforehand, you looked like an absolute wreck; the dark circles around your eyes somehow got darker, your body was bruised up and swelling from overexerting yourself, and your hair matted beyond belief. You even spotted small pieces of brain matter clinging to your face, making you promptly throw up into the toilet. Safe to say, it was a restless night despite the ache and exhaustion. You doubt you got more than four hours of sleep.
Annie and Sasha seem to be in the same boat as you, as they haven’t left their own rooms since coming back. They’re the first to get visitors throughout the day, but it’s the only contact they make before the bonfire. None of you have spoken to each other since Krolva.
Erwin is the last to visit you, sitting at the edge of the bed as you stare out your window. He doesn’t say anything, but you feel his hand rub at your lower leg above the cover of your blanket. He’s trying to comfort you, knowing exactly what you’ve had to endure. It’s a welcome feeling.
The two of you just sit there for a few silent minutes, taking in the sight of the setting sun lowering into the treeline just outside your window. You relish in the moment- the one peaceful moment you’ve had since the start of the apocalypse. You made it out of death’s jaws, grasping hope in your palms to hand it over to the rest of the group, proving that there might be a chance. Maybe, just maybe, you can find harmony within the chaos.
You’ve been grappling with the conflicting feelings of hope and despair. Each optimistic notion leads to a deathly train of thoughts. Then another ray of hope will appear, and another point of dejection will squash it. Maybe you do want to survive, maybe you don’t. Maybe you want the others to survive, but have no will for yourself. You’re a hard worker, but you’re tired. So, so tired. You’ve worked yourself to the bone all your life, going from job to job, taking care of finances and your mother’s health. You swear you saw a grey strand of hair appear the day before the world ended, a sign of your lifelong labor and chronic stress.
You turn over on your side, facing away from the window and towards Erwin. He’s staring at you, his ghostly blue eyes piercing your soul. He wants to say something, and honestly, you do too. You just don’t know what yet.
“I know you’re being hard on yourself, but you did well,” He finally murmurs, his tone soft, “You’re resilient, just like I told you.”
You stay silent, just staring up at his face. God, his beautiful, firm face. His usually neat blond hair falls along his forehead sloppily, and you notice a slight stubble forming along his chin and jaw. His sharp features align with his face perfectly, highlighted by the yellow-orange glow of the sunset just outside your window. He’s ethereal. You can’t help but admire him in the moment.
Erwin clears his throat, bringing you back from your thoughts. You need to get a hold of yourself. If it weren’t for these stupid feelings, neither of your lives would’ve been in danger during the mission. He was right, these affections are a distraction and could greatly risk the group. Maybe you should stick to being nothing more than friends. Stuff your feelings down and never let them bubble back up.
But God, he makes it impossible.
“I promise we’ll get your watch back soon,” He says rather sincerely.
“Don’t bother. It’s too much of a risk.”
“It’s a sentimental keepsake. If it matters to you, then it’s worth the risk.”
Sweet, but unnecessary.
“It’s best if I let go of it. My past is no longer relevant to me,” You respond solemnly. Sure, it’s important, but you have no energy or will to try to get that thing back.
Another silent pause sits between the two of you before Erwin tries to speak again.
“Are you feeling okay?” he asks.
“Yeah, just sore.”
“I know what you mean.”
“You certainly don’t show it,” you say with a wry smile.
He gives a slight huff of amusement, “Yes, well, I don’t seem to have time to. I need to discuss the results of the supply mission with the rest of the group, as well as plan future expeditions. On top of that, I believe we need to make some kind of wall or mote surrounding the cabin. I fear the infected will find us sooner or later, especially if we travel in and out of the area,” He sighs, “So much to do, and so little time.”
“You need a break,” you say, shifting closer to him. You want him to stay, to give himself a brief moment of peace before any more scheming. He needs rest. He deserves it.
Selfishly, however, you also want to finally feel some vulnerability with him, some comfort, some warmth. You want his warmth.
But you know you can’t say it. It’ll allow something burdensome, a fleeting affection that’s been doomed from the start.
Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t-
“Stay with me,” you hum.
Stay with me, a phrase that you know too intimately- one that brings you back to a drunken night with his frame on top of yours, lips and hands caressing every part of you as you feel his warmth. A memory swims past your mind leisurely of you lying on your side just like this, and him sitting on the edge of your bed, facing away from you as he slides his briefs back on. He didn’t stay that night.
But as you gaze back at Erwin, something within him seems to break. His eyes soften, his whole body gives way, and suddenly his hand lies fondly on the side of your face to cup your cheek. He leans over you, and without another word, his lips press gently on yours. His stubble scratches your face slightly, but you don’t mind. You close your eyes, savoring the moment as you kiss back, reaching your hand and placing it on the nape of his neck. For once, you’ve completely forgotten about your worries. For just this moment, you’re light as a feather, melting within his embrace. You're so, so warm.
He pulls back slightly to look back at you, his nose barely touching yours as he peers into your eyes. This is different from that night. Very, very different.
“I’ll stay.”