Chapter Text
Jonathan knew very little about being in a relationship. His past relationships were a stormy sea of obligation, annoyance, fleeting connection and disappointment. He expected the pull between him in Teddy to fade into nothing. He didn’t expect it to strengthen as they escaped Colombia, ventured to Mexico and then settled in the US.
Jonathan never set foot in the states but Teddy assured him he had connections in Miami. Jonathan didn’t mind being the outsider, he played the role well, but as Teddy and his old associates from Miami went out for some drinks and dancing he felt like a child out the edges of a clique again.
Jonathan sipped his drink as he watched Teddy do shots and then fall into a cluster of men and women dancing. Teddy was non-discriminating, he danced with women and then as the night went on he danced with a few men. Jonathan tried to ignore the feelings it brought up in him, childish urges to be special.
Jonathan left without saying goodbye. The old Irish exit as he got a ride back to the temporary apartment they were subletting. Jonathan wasn’t even pleasantly drunk, he was simply miserable in the car back.
He heated up some leftovers and ate those leaning against the kitchen counter when Teddy came into the apartment in a heated rush.
“Did we bore you?” he asked as he crossed into the open kitchen.
“I was just tired.”
Teddy’s eyes scanned him. He scoffed and looked away. “That shit’s too old. Sit I’ll make you something.”
“It's only two,” Teddy cut him off by taking it out of his hands. He threw the food in the trash and started to dig through the pantry.
“I’m starving,” Teddy said. “All the dancing, you know? Does Jonathan Pine not dance? Only Matthew Ellis.”
“Something like that,” Jonathan sat down and watched Teddy work. He was making enchiladas. “Aren’t we supposed to have chicken and waffles or something.”
Teddy chuckled. “This is the best hangover cure. I swear by it.”
Jonathan couldn’t look away from the intoxicating sight of Teddy, still flushed from the drink and dancing, in a tight tank top with a flowy shirt overtop, trousers sitting perfectly on his hips, golden necklaces and a small hoop earring. Teddy cooked like a professional, seamlessly throwing the dish together and moving about the space with consummate ease.
“Stop starting,” Teddy scolded. “Have you never cooked before?”
“I’m a horrible cook,” Jonathan said. “I always need a recipe.”
“In Mexico, everyone can cook.”
“Is that so?”
“Yep,” Teddy turned his back to him and went back to work. The clock over his head read three in the morning but Jonathan felt like this moment was out of time, between yesterday and tomorrow. “I used to cook for some of the boys,” he continued. “The best way to earn loyalty is through food.”
“The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach,” Jonathan said and then immediately regretted it.
“Exaclty,” Teddy said.
It took another quarter of an hour for Teddy to finish and Jonathan tried not to look too intently. They spent it in silence. Teddy served it on a paper plate, complaining about dishes.
“I’ll clean up,” he offered, it was only polite.
Teddy squinted at him. “It can wait until the morning.”
“It is the morning.”
Teddy waved him off and dug in. They ate the whole portion of it between them. Jonathan ate more than Teddy, who kept pushing more and more onto Jonathan’s plate.
“Are you really going to stay awake and clean up? Teddy asked as Jonathan made his way to the sink.
“It’ll only take a few minutes.”
Teddy leaned against the counter and watched him. They transitioned from being up very late into being up in the early hours. By now he was sure people in bakeries were making donuts and bread and pastries as the morning shift got up and drank coffee. The city slowly came to life around them as Teddy took off his shirt, held it crumpled up in his hand and flipped off the lights.
It was a strange undressing. They had separate rooms but shared an adjoining bathroom. Teddy brushed his teeth with the door open and the lights off. Jonathan changed into sleep clothing and waited his turn.
He copied Teddy, leaving the door open as he brushed his teeth and rinsed his face. It was intimate to feel Teddy’s presence, to see the scars on his forearm in the dim light. He knew the feel of that slight body under his hands.
They passed each other in the tight hall. He put a hand on Teddy’s shoulder; eyes cut up to his. He pressed a kiss to Teddy’s cheek. “Goodnight.”
Teddy didn’t say anything until Jonathan backed away. “Night.”
***
The pattern continued. Teddy was captivating to others when he was out. He did a few business deals, dubious legality but nothing horrible. Jonathan tolerated this as this crowd would know of Roper best. Jonathan played someone called Matthew Ellis, since Teddy liked to call him Mateo, but played more an Andrew Birch, capable, dutiful with a slight edge and undercurrent of mystery.
He remained unfazed on the outside. Teddy played a different character entirely, the business leader, charismatic. Jonathan felt like he was they were playacting as Roper and Andrew Birch again but Teddy was not a leader who towered over others, who doled out rough rebukes and even rarer praise. Teddy did not have the old English ego, the entitlement. He was a fighter and people recognized it.
He scraped with the people a few times. It always ended the same, Teddy beat them into the ground and held a gun in their face. “You fucking ripped me off. Do you think I can’t count?”
“No, no, please.”
Teddy would let them go, too risky to kill here but the greatful-almost dead left.
They returned to their shared space. Teddy was prickly, running a hand over his head. “You scheme too much,” he told Jonathan.
“It’s going to work,” Jonathan said. “Build a reputation and eventually someone connected to Roper will start to notice and word will get back to Roper that you’re taking over the scene in Miami.”
“Take over is strong.”
“It doesn’t have to be true,” Jonathan said. “Just scare the right people and it will be. Are you scared of these guys?”
Teddy scoffed. “I’m not scared of anyone.”
Jonathan knew that wasn’t true but he let Teddy get away with that one. “Can you make dinner?”
“I will,” Teddy said. Jonathan watched Teddy cook as they slowly shed their outside selves. Teddy was frequently bare armed in the kitchen. Jonathan knew what to look for so he saw the thin but overlapping scars.
Jonathan watched him cook. They didn’t talk much. Their evenings were late as a rule, the kind of business that partook in wasn’t for the early bird. It was alright with him, he was used to the night shift.
Teddy turned on music while he was chopping. He softly swayed as he waited for the oven to go off. In another life, Jonathan would come up behind Teddy, wrap his arms around Teddy’s narrow waist and hips, kiss his cheek and neck. He would sway with Teddy to the soft Spanish love song, maybe sing some in his ear.
It’s an absurd fantasy, saccharine for normal people let alone them. Teddy had walls a mile high and Jonathan wasn’t without his own problems. They’d probably be having passive aggressive conversations or actually fighting.
Teddy handed him his dish, a rice bowl with chicken, beans and a salad on top. A fresh and inviting meal. He remembered dragging himself back home from the night shift and eating bland food he heated up in the microwave. “Thank you, Eduardo.”
“What should I call you,” Teddy said. “Here I mean. Should I call you Jonathan?”
“If you want.”
“Roper said you went by Thomas Quince, then Andrew Birch. What other names do you have?”
“Before this I was Alex Goodwin.”
“That doesn’t suit you at all,” Teddy chewed for a moment. “What’s it like? Acting all the time.”
“It’s not really acting,” Jonathan said. “I mean I don’t rehearse lines or anything. I just immerse myself in the world—almost everything is the truth anyway, just manipulated.”
“So method acting. How did you do it when I drugged you? You’re eyes, they were out of it. You can’t fake that.”
“I told you, it’s all mostly true. It feels real.”
Teddy barked a laugh. “This is why the British took over most of the world. Their intelligence is simply too good but still humble.”
Jonathan leaned back in his chair. “Why the sudden interest?”
“He knew—Roper knew we were playing him. I’ve been trying to understand what went wrong. I’m not as good at this spy stuff as you.”
“I think Roxana tipped him off.”
“But how did she know?” Teddy questioned.
This was going to be very uncomfortable. “Do you remember what he said about his American sweetheart?” At Teddy’s nod he continued, “Roxana probably told him that you were my mark and he assumed from there. Uh..her name was Jed, she was his girlfriend and I—” he didn’t have the words, “I flipped her against him by, well there is no real way to be polite about this, by having an affair with her.”
“A honeypot.”
“No,” Jonathan reached for Teddy but he was pulling back just far enough that Jonathan would have to lunge over the table. “Not purposely. I was way too immersed and she got caught up in it. And it just sort of happened.”
“Was I?” Teddy asked. “The mark.”
“What? No, no,” Jonathan said. “I really don’t do that. What matters is that Roper thinks I do and I assume Roper knows you’re into men.”
“What did you say?”
“It’s an open secret according to my people who researched you. I—”
“Watch what you say, cabron. I’m not a fucking cocksucker.”
Jonathan needed to be careful. He’d assumed Teddy would be reluctant to outwardly talk about it but not hostile. “I’m not—I’m just saying what’s out there.”
Teddy didn’t want to listen and stood up. Everything about him screamed he was going to run off but Jonathan surged forward and took his wrist. Teddy tried to turn away but Jonathan held firm. “I let him believe the same about me. He said he couldn’t figure out if I liked men or women and I left it ambiguous in case—” he couldn’t say that he was pretty sure Roper propositioned him in a way when he talked about how Corky would give anything for a night with him but he hadn’t been sure enough to risk it, “In case it came up. And he took those two pieces, true or not, and put them together.”
Teddy had stopped fighting him. “Is it true?”
How could Jonathan explain that he hardly knew who he was anymore. That he hadn’t been in love in years and hardly been attracted to anyone in a decade. That only Teddy lit that fire outisde of Jed but he didn’t know if he was attracted to either of them without the danger involved. “I’ve never…before. But I’m not opposed. It’s okay, Teddy.”
Teddy rolled his eyes. “Shut up. I don’t care what you think.”
“Roper is an arrogant old bastard,” Jonathan said. “But he has an uncanny ability to avoid getting made, even with no clear evidence he just seems to know.”
Teddy shook off his hand and Jonathan let him go. He put his head in his hands for a while, until Teddy used the bathroom and shut the door.
***
Their rhythm was off. In public, Teddy was more closed off, less flirtatious and sensual. They sat at more tables together in a stony silence that wouldn’t end. In their apartment, Teddy cooked rote meals that allowed him to leave the kitchen while it was cooking, or they ate leftovers. When Jonathan spoke, he kept it all business or Teddy told him to shut up.
It all broke when they ran into each other in the hall at night. Jonathan apologized and the whites of Teddy’s eyes reflected the faint light trickling through. He put a hand on Teddy’s shoulder and kissed his cheek.
Teddy froze and then was brusquely shoving him up against the wall. “What the fuck is your game? Is this Andrew? Mateo? Do you think I’m another one of Roper’s whores you can steal?”
Jonathan let the pin happen. He let Teddy sling an arm over his throat, pressing their bodies together. The violent intimacy the most they’ve touched in days. “No game.”
“Then what the fuck do you want?”
Jonathan didn’t know. He wrapped an arm around Teddy. “I want—” he put a hand on Teddy’s forearm over his throat. “I want you to let me in.”
“What does that mean?”
“Just let me kiss you and not pin me against the wall.”
Teddy’s eye bore into him. “Why? Why do you want to do that?”
“I don’t know!” Jonathan was embarrassed to do this. He was in his forties for Christ’s sake. “Just let me. It’s—it doesn’t have to be bad.”
Teddy stepped back and changed his grip on Jonathan to hold both his wrists. Teddy guided Jonathan’s hands with a firm grip. They started deep into each other's eyes in the dark, still revealing in a way. Jonathan’s hands landed on Teddy’s shoulders and gripped on instinct.
“There. Touch away.” Teddy stood tall but tense, like was facing a firing squad. Jonathan’s hands stayed still. Teddy let go of his wrists. “I guess you always get what you want.”
Jonathan cupped his neck first, trailed his hands down Teddy’s chest. He ran them up and down Teddy’s sides, trying to sooth and feel the muscles. He followed the natural flow of Teddy’s muscles to his lower back, brushing his ass in a way that made Teddy’s eyes narrow at him. Jonathan went up his back and ended by cupping his head and bringing their foreheads together.
“It’s okay,” he said to Teddy, meaning everything. “I’m here.”
Teddy closed his eyes, letting out a little sign as Jonathan drifted closer. Their chests brushed together, bodies lining up. It was the most natural thing in the world to kiss Teddy. Teddy kissed him back and brought his hands down to rest on Jonathan’s waist.
They parted slowly, savoring the feeling of their noses brushing. Teddy pulled him closer and backed up against the wall. “This doesn’t mean anything,” he told Jonathan.
“Okay,” he said. “Whatever you need.”
“I don’t need anything,” Teddy countered but he was starting to grind their hips together. “You’re not fucking me. I’m fucking you.”
“Okay.” He knew Teddy meant fucking as in screwing over and fucking him literally. “It’s okay.”
Teddy pushed him into his bedroom. No decorations, no pictures. It was as stark as when they moved in, white walls and plain surfaces. Jonathan started to undress. He was and wasn’t nervous. He knew what was going to happen. Teddy was going to fuck him through the matress as “payback” and use Jonathan. He wanted to feel superior and like he had the upperhand. The nerves came with what he was going to do, how he would react.
Jonathan laid on the bed and Teddy joined him. Teddy didn’t look nervous, he looked predatory. This was the man from the villa, the man who almost threw him off the ship. “I guess Roper was right.”
Jonathan had not been expecting that. “In what way?”
“He asked if I was susceptible,” Teddy shook his head. “I’m not immune. You made yourself into what I wanted.”
Jonathan didn’t like the tone of his voice. “I’m being myself.”
“Are you?” Teddy asked. “Is this another character? Who are you, Jonathan Pine?”
It was cruel of him to ask that. Jonathan didn’t know anymore. “I’m here,” he said. “With you.”
Teddy flicked on the lamp on the nightstand. “Take off your clothes. I want to see.”
Jonathan complied. Whatever Teddy wanted, what he needed. He sprawled on the bed after. Teddy followed suit and pressed their naked bodies together. He’d seen hundreds of people naked in various contexts and yet never like this. Teddy’s body didn’t just turn him on, it made him want to hold it like a precious diamond.
Teddy curled up tight around him from behind. He pressed his nose deep into Jonathan’s neck. Jonathan reached back to grasp at his hip.
Teddy eased Jonathan onto his stomach, shockingly tender. Teddy was a lover at his core, to earn his affection and devotion wasted on Roper would give Jonathan everything. Teddy kissed his shoulders, eased a finger inside him, wet with saliva.
Jonathan hissed in quiet pain. “Don’t stop. Take what you need.”
Take Teddy did. In short order he started to fuck Jonathan. It shocked him, the feeling of a dick inside him, more than he’s ever taken. Previously, only a finger tucked up there during a blowjob. Jonathan moaned as his body lit up with pleasure. He clenched down hard, “like that. Right there.”
Teddy kept hitting there, but he set a brutal pace. Jonathan collapsed into the mattress, whining and panting. Teddy fucked him hard. Each thrust betrayed the truth; he was experienced, he knew how to take apart a man.
Jonathan hadn’t felt like this since he lost his virginity. The crossing of a new boundary, being guided to new heights of pleasure. He gasped out, “Teddy,” he needed to be with him in this moment, beyond his dick inside of him.
Teddy kissed behind his ear, an ‘I’m here’ felt but not spoken.
Jonathan reached for him, finding his hand low on his side. He took hold of his forearm as Teddy rode him hard. He closed his eyes and let the world fall away. He truly didn’t feel like Matthew Ellis on a honeypot, or Andrew Birch stealing from Roper. He didn’t even feel like Jonathan Pine, lonely even around others. He was born anew around Teddy, understood, and needed and had. Teddy had him in his arms, in his bed and Jonathan was open.
The thrusts dug into him, carving out new space and sending feelings he’d never had. The intimacy of letting someone inside him, the rawness of their connection, each push of hips making him writhe. Teddy needed him and now he had him.
Teddy came inside him, an odd but not unwelcome development. Jonathan moaned as it happened, as Teddy pulled out and as he felt it drip out of him.
“Teddy—” he couldn’t speak. Nothing between them could be put into words. “Teddy.”
Teddy jerked him off, knowing what he needed. He folded himself over Jonathan and pulled his hips up, getting him back on all-fours. He came quicker than he wanted but fell onto his side, spent.
Jonathan waited a long time for Teddy to fall asleep before he left to take a shower. He wasn’t as sneaky as he thought and Teddy was sitting up in bed upon his arrival.
“Can you stay here tonight?” Teddy asked.
Jonathan nodded and joined him. “I meant it. It’s really okay. All of this.”
“Whatever you say.”